Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Pokemon: Strong Bad Version/3

Synopsis

Strong Bad seeks shelter in Viridian Forest, and plans on retrieving it.

BLUEBRY: retrieving what
SKUB: Retrieve Me Some Shelter

On the way, he encounters annoying Pokemon trainers who have an abundance of Caterpies and Weedles.

Transcript

{Cut: Strong Bad walking through Viridian Forest.}

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Last we checked, Strong Bad encountered the corrupt Kanto police and Professor Oak explained their allegiance to Team Rocket, the only truly evil team in the Pokemon series. Trust me, Team Magma and Team Aqua were mostly misguided idealists and Team Galactic saw the flaws of humanity and wanted to remake the world to fix the problem.

NACHOMAN: Has Noxigar ever seen a Homestar Runner cartoon in his life?

Team Plasma is better than all of these guys, I know. Don't tell me things I know already.

SKUB: Hahaha, no, you've got this.

Anyway, Strong Bad is looking for shelter in a huge forest.

NACHOMAN: wwwaar, children. it's just a shot away

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad, did you take your medication today?

BLUEBRY: "no i sold it to some dumb kids"

STRONG SAD: Don't you know that narrators aren't on meds?

STRONG BAD: Not really.

STRONG SAD: Well excuuuuse me, princess.

NACHOMAN: i want to kill you like five times

STRONG BAD: Look, either you're helpful or you're not.

BLUEBRY: yes that is typically how antonyms go

I have two Pokemon, five Pokeballs, and five Potions.

SKUB: Er... okay? Good job?

I am on the run from the Kanto police and therefore also from Team Rocket.

NACHOMAN: i don't exactly see how that wor--

I could really use a tent and some food. If I can find those, perhaps I may be able to rest.

STRONG SAD: Two Pokemon? Where'd you get the second one?

BLUEBRY: didn't you do this or something actually what is your role in this?

STRONG BAD: The second one is a Bulbasaur from Professor Oak's lab that would have been lonely had I not decided to pick it up on my way out.

SKUB: "Oh and also they were testing some very powerful poisons on it."

STRONG SAD: Oh. Well then, no wonder you're on the run from the cops.

STRONG BAD: Don't be such a smart aleck and make use of your fan fiction-ery for good.

SKUB: Can't be done.

STRONG SAD: Well, didn't you get your Charmander up in level to use Metal Claw yet?

NACHOMAN: I think Noxigar just picks random words off Bulbapedia pages and hopes they form a coherent sentence.

STRONG BAD: No. I just started. And in fact I also have Bulbasaur to help with battles.

STRONG SAD: Well then, I suggest getting them both to Level 10 before pitting them against Pewter City. Brock is going to defeat your Pokemon unless they learn moves that are supereffective against Rock-types. For Charmander, that would come with the Steel-type move Metal Claw. For Bulbasaur, that happens to be the common Vine Whip attack it gets.

BLUEBRY: "Welcome to Nerd, how can I nerd you today?"
SKUB: Good Moses I can't believe this.

STRONG BAD: So, who do I pit them against?

STRONG SAD: There will be trainers with lots of Caterpies and Weedles, and their respective cocoon evolutions, Metapod and Kakuna.

NACHOMAN: I imagine TBC reading this, their first exposure to Homestar fan fiction, and just shaking their heads slowly.

Charmander will be able to roast them should it learn Ember, which by the looks of things could happen any time soon.

SKUB: There's nothing I can really say except this isn't how people talk. Well, no... I'm not in college yet, that might be how they talk there.

STRONG BAD: Hmph, I wish you had a terrible character to help me in my dilemma.

STRONG SAD: No, no. I won't do that.

NACHOMAN: I-- what? What are you--? What?

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} I'm twying to buy my own Pokemon game;

BLUEBRY: you're trying to buy one? did you forget how retail works?
SKUB: He has to play Bloodsport to get Emerald.

that way, while you'we stuck in the beginning, I can speed my way to the Elite Fouw and help you out latew.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, this is all your fault from the jump, so I hope you have something to fix it.

HOMESTAR: I'm not the one who messed with Stwong Sad's Nintendo DS.

STRONG BAD: {irritated} If you have a game, then you can at least help! Sheesh, you and your tomfoolery

SKUB: "I won't stand for this poppycock, you hooligan!"
NACHOMAN: Sooth!

that messes everyone up! I wish Homeschool Winner were here instead of you!

HOMESTAR: I'm not going to woll down any hills ow say "As you wish". Good luck!

{Strong Bad continues walking, frustrated. Eventually a trainer makes way

SKUB: for the oncoming 30-ton locomotive

.}

TRAINER 1: You must battle me because we locked eyes!

BLUEBRY: {they kiss passionately}

STRONG BAD: No, really?

TRAINER: Go, Caterpie.

{Caterpie pops out.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, Sanctuary

BLUEBRY: BUSTER

. It's time for you to prove your worth.

{Bulbasaur pops out of the Pokeball}

BULBASAUR: Huh? This isn't Professor Oak's office! I demand an explanation after this battle.

BLUEBRY: i never knew pokemon were so articulate

STRONG BAD: Fine, fine.

SKUB: I love how he dismisses the fact that, holy shit, this is a talking dinosaur and instead shushes him for the time being.

TRAINER 1: Caterpie, use String Shot!

BLUEBRY: ahahahahaha oh god that's disgusting
NACHOMAN: metapod used harden lol

{Caterpie's String Shot lowers Bulbasaur's Speed.}

STRONG BAD: Sanctuary

BLUEBRY: BUSTER

, use Tackle!

{Bulbasaur tackles Caterpie.}

NACHOMAN: jesus christ, pokemon red and blue had more action than this
NACHOMAN: did i really just make that joke

{Caterpie tackles Bulbasaur, switching its move pattern. Eventually Bulbasaur KO's it.}

BULBASAUR: Yeah, I need to do this more.

BLUEBRY: "MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE {punches fist through a plate glass window}"
SKUB: "I need to win more battles so I can get more money so I can buy more coke so I can win more battles" {punches fist through a plate glass window}

STRONG BAD: And that's why you're here fighting.

SKUB: "Remember, after this is done, you give Daddy some of that sweet booger sugar, hear?"

BULBASAUR: Thanks. Sorry for the trouble I caused earlier.

STRONG BAD: Not a problem.

NACHOMAN: POKEMON CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH
SKUB: What about Meowth?
NACHOMAN: WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MEOWTH

{Trainer 1 takes out another Caterpie. Strong Bad rolls his eyes.}

STRONG BAD: Here we go again...

SKUB: Oh, you!

{Bulbasaur continues tackling Caterpie. It defeats the second Caterpie.}

BLUEBRY: it's like it's happening right before my eyes

STRONG BAD: Wow, you're good.

BULBASAUR: Well now I'd learn Leech Seed, but I feel I need another Level of experience first.

BLUEBRY: "I would know I read the manual."

STRONG BAD: Fine by me; what does Leech Seed do?

NACHOMAN: aren't you the fucking pokemon expert who remembers all the god damn stinkin fucking movesets

BULBASAUR: Enemy gets damaged, then I get health from the damage.

STRONG BAD: Sweet.

SKUB: Yeah, I guess. Sweet.

{Trainer 1 gives Strong Bad 500 Pokebucks.}

STRONG BAD: Hmm? What are these Pokebucks?

BLUEBRY: as worthless as canadian money

TRAINER 1: You buy specific items for your Pokemon, such as more Potions and Pokeballs, or even status-curing items such as Antidotes.

BLUEBRY: this is so unrealistic because if someone walked up to you in real life and asked how you use money, what would you do?
SKUB: This exact fucking thing, Bluebry. This exact thing.

STRONG BAD: If poison is such a concern, I'm glad my Bulbasaur has some use.

TRAINER 1: Yeah, I'd say you don't have to worry about Poison status.

STRONG BAD: Cool.

{Strong Bad continues walking

SKUB: into the heavenly light. Very faintly, he could hear the sounds of his dim-witted brother pounding on his chest, screaming at him not to leave him. He could hear Marzipan wailing, begging God to have mercy on his soul just this once. Strong Bad paid no regard to the desperate calls of his friends and family and treaded further, into the kingdom of Heaven—a Paradise where he could finally be free from it all. He took one last look back at the human world and smiled as he disappeared into the blinding light.

.}