Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Pokemon: Strong Bad Version/1

Summary

Strong Bad remembers Pallet Town and does the beginning stuff flawlessly.

SKUB: THIS IS MY POKEMON RED TAS
NACHOMAN: Afterwords, Strong Bad looks back on his status as a fan fiction star and contemplates suicide.

Transcript

{Screen is still black. Professor Oak appears.}

PROFESSOR OAK: Hi, welcome to the-

{Disc scratch. Strong Bad walks onscreen}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, I remember this from Pokemon Red. You're Professor Oak, right?

PROFESSOR OAK: Uh, yeah. I presume you're NOT Red?

SKUB: Professor Oak must be color blind.

STRONG BAD: Nope. Sorry to disappoint, old man. My name is Strong Bad.

PROFESSOR OAK: Oh, then you must know my grandson, Blue?

BLUEBRY: i used to name my rivals hitler

STRONG BAD: No, no. You have it all wrong. That's not his name! Blue's a lame name!

PROFESSOR OAK: Oh? You tell me, then, Strong Bad! What's his name?

NACHOMAN: Why doesn't he assume Strong Bad is some sort of undiscovered Pokemon.

STRONG BAD: His name is Seymour. Wait, what?

SKUB: Seymour Butz
BLUEBRY: Seymo-dangit skub

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} Well, since you're playing with my DS that got thrown in a blender, I choose the naming convention for the populace. "Sir Dumpington" also is not an acceptable name.

SKUB: Me, I usually go with COCKSTRANGLE but whatever works.

STRONG BAD: Well, hopefully he's like Seymour from Final Fantasy 10.

BLUEBRY: i dont know this reference

Hopefully. Actually, that does equate to what he is in the games!

SKUB: This name is similar to another name! What a coincidence! I realize this fact and state as such! I am Strong Bad, and I have box in gloves for hands.
NACHOMAN: I CHECK YOU CHECK

That's the best not-inappropriate

SKUB: How is Dumpington inappropriate? How sheltered can you beeeeeee

and not-referring-to-my-dumpy-brother name ever! Thanks, Strong Sad!

STRONG SAD: {offscreen} No problem. Now pretend I'm not puppeteering you like I did that one time I wrote a fan fiction.

STRONG BAD: That's gonna be really hard.

BLUEBRY: {giggling}
SKUB: After all, Strong Bad loves getting puppeteered. Pretend that's an innuendo.
NACHOMAN: In his end-o.
SKUB: Fist in butt.

PROFESSOR OAK: Well, I do remember naming my grandson "Seymour". You and him have been rivals since childhood! Now you're both old enough to go outside of Pallet Town and explore all of the Kanto region!

STRONG BAD: I always thought it was the "Indigo region". Ya know, because of Indigo Plateau?

SKUB: I thought it was the Grass region. You know, because of that weird green stuff?

PROFESSOR OAK: Well then, let's get started! Since you're an outsider, would you like a tour of Pallet Town?

NACHOMAN: you wouldn't want to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the three buildings

STRONG BAD: I kinda like to give myself tours of towns. I do appreciate your help, O Wise Sage.

PROFESSOR OAK: Suit yourself.

SKUB: "No really put some clothes on, I'm tired of seeing your dingus."

{Screen brightens. Cut to Strong Bad in a house.}

STRONG BAD: Now, if I remember correctly, a computer should be here. It may not be my Compe, but I get a free Potion off of it. Those'll come in handy later when the hard parts come.

BLUEBRY: ohmygodthatswhatshesaid
SKUB: Seriously, is Strong Bad autistic or something?
NACHOMAN: {as Strong Bad} remember that email where Strong Bad grinded his gyarados to level 100 and did all that chain-smeargleing it was a mess

{Strong Bad goes over to a laptop, types in "Potion.EXE", and a Potion appears out of the computer screen, hitting Strong Bad in the face.}

STRONG BAD: I don't remember the Potion doing that. I don't even recall how Potions are retrieved out of computers.

SKUB: I have a feeling he's just looking at his refrigerator in awe. Just marveling at technology.

{Strong Bad stuffs the Potion down his pocket. Then, he runs downstairs. No one is there.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah. I have a house all to myself!

BLUEBRY: dude throw a party THROW A PARTY

Well, it looks like my mansion back in StrongBadia if it were incredibly downsized.

{Strong Bad runs outside.}

STRONG BAD: Hmm... now where's the way out of Pallet Town?

NACHOMAN: No, the whole game takes place here, don't you remember?

{Strong Bad notices a sign saying "Thank you for your visit to Pallet Town. Remember to visit again."}

STRONG BAD: Gee, I wonder what happens next.

{Strong Bad

SKUB: is run over by a truck.

approaches the sign.}

PROFESSOR OAK: Wait, Strong Bad! You need to get a Pokemon before you can leave the town! You need something to defend yourself.

SKUB: Oak obviously doesn't know that Strong Bad's packin' heat.

STRONG BAD: I see. Well, I could use a souvenir to take back with me to show off to the Cheat and Strong Mad!

NACHOMAN: Wouldn't The Cheat recognize a Pokemon as competition

PROFESSOR OAK: Follow me!

{Professor Oak and Strong Bad walk down south to his laboratory. Entering the lab, Strong Bad sees three Pokeballs. He also sees Seymour.}

SEYMOUR: Aw, why can't I pick yet?

PROFESSOR OAK: Relax. You may have your pick after Strong Bad. He's new here to Kanto, so we have to introduce him to the Pokemon here.

NACHOMAN: This dialogue wasn't in the original games.

SEYMOUR: He looks fifty years older than me.

{Strong Bad glares}

STRONG BAD: You and I are only two years apart according to the game manual, Seymour, so shut your mouth.

SKUB: I wish I had the ability to cite game manuals in public so everybody knows how well-raised I was.

PROFESSOR OAK: Now's not the time to argue! Please, Strong Bad, pick your Pokemon. The three choices are Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.

{Strong Bad examines each Pokemon. He first examines Bulbasaur.}

STRONG BAD: Well, if I remember correctly, you make the first four Pokemon Gyms really easy.

NACHOMAN: Now let me list your move sets in order. Leech seed at level 8. Vine whip at...

And the last one. And you're part-Poison, which I like. A lot.

SKUB: Strong Bad is literally Serebii.

{Strong Bad examines Charmander next.}

STRONG BAD: Well if it isn't mini-Trogdor. Eh, I'll just call you Trogdor. You'll grow up to burninate things and, maybe stomp on a few peasants.

BLUEBRY: or get into cock fights

{Strong Bad then examines Squirtle.}

STRONG BAD: You remind me too much of Homestar Runner.

NACHOMAN: What? How?

But that might change a bit once I decide.

SKUB: IT'S F***ING POCHAMA

{Strong Bad steps back, pondering. He then decides to pick Charmander.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, Charmander. You are now called Trogdor. Besides, Bulbasaur would make things too easy, and I can always catch one later at the Safari Zone.

SKUB: UAUFSADGSDFGADSGAKJGSJKGJKGJKSKLGDJKLGDJKGDS

SEYMOUR: Finally, it's my turn!

{Seymour picks Squirtle.}

STRONG BAD: I totally saw that coming. Well, I'm out of here.

{Strong Bad heads for the exit of the lab. He is then stopped by Seymour.}

BLUEBRY: {they make passionate love on the floor}

SEYMOUR: Hold on! We ought to test our Pokemon out.

STRONG BAD: Huh? Why can't you just fight some wild Pokemon to do that?

{Professor Oak rolls his eyes.}

SKUB: like as if

PROFESSOR OAK: Strong Bad, do you remember how to do a Pokemon battle?

NACHOMAN: {as Strong Bad} Of course I do! See, there are these four option on a small menu to choose from, the first being "fight"--

SKUB: {as Oak} No, Strong Bad I understand I've been doing this for yea--

NACHOMAN: Now on the fight menu you can only have up to four moves, some of which inflict damage and some of which can inflict statuses of some sort. This is how I always talk!

STRONG BAD: Of course! Seymour won't be able to beat me.

BLUEBRY: that doesn't mean i'm not gonna root for him

{Charmander and Squirtle face off.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, Trogdor. Use Scratch.

SEYMOUR: Squirtle, use Tackle!

{Both Charmander and Squirtle damage each other.}

NACHOMAN: wow this is non stop action it's just like playing the games

PROFESSOR OAK: Well, at least I don't have to lecture you the whole time.

{Strong Bad and Seymour continue to have Charmander and Squirtle hit each other with Scratch and Tackle, respectively. Eventually, Squirtle appears to be gaining the upper hand. Strong Bad then pulls the Potion out of his pocket.}

SKUB: God damn is this exciting!!
NACHOMAN: Hang on to your hats! He's going to recover by 20 HP!

STRONG BAD: I refuse to put myself in a situation where I have to give you money, so I will use this Potion.

BLUEBRY: then just use the damn potion

SEYMOUR: What?

PROFESSOR OAK: Well, at least you're not cheating.

SEYMOUR: Huh? How is using a Potion not cheating?

PROFESSOR OAK: Some people don't like seeing their Pokemon hurt. As such, they like to heal their Pokemon with medical items such as Potions.

STRONG BAD: Okay, Charmander. Finish Squirtle off with Scratch.

{Charmander uses Scratch on Squirtle. Squirtle faints.}

SEYMOUR: I'll be back. And when I do, your Charmander's going on a crash diet!

SKUB: A car crash diet.

SKUB: Actually this makes no goddamn sense.

{Seymour runs off.}

STRONG BAD: But it didn't eat anything?

PROFESSOR OAK: When you win a battle, usually the other person has to give you money.

NACHOMAN: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

STRONG BAD: Really?

PROFESSOR OAK: Yeah. Very odd thing;

NACHOMAN: Money's freaking bonkers

I think the concept was started by Team Rocket. The trainers there used to be decent enough; now it's just a bunch of losers. Don't worry; you'll have Team Rocket in debt to you in no time by the look of things?

SKUB: Is Professor Oak autistic too?

STRONG BAD: Huh? Team Rocket? How do you know them?

BLUEBRY: Huh? Contrived dialogue? How did you get here?

PROFESSOR OAK: They're a general nuisance to the entire Kanto region, and are essentially the mafia.

NACHOMAN: But wouldn't they have to have a mafia in order to compare Team Rocket to the mafia? Or does Professor Oak just do a lot of reading into this "real world" thing.

I always hear rumors of scientists being blackmailed to help them in their terrible causes.

SKUB: Al Capone was such a nuisance, killing people for money.

STRONG BAD: Mafia? Blackmail? That sounds cool.

{Professor Oak facepalms.}

SKUB: Every time I see this word I have a diarrhea seizure.

PROFESSOR OAK: You've got too much goodness in your heart to join the likes of those filth.

STRONG BAD: Too much goodness? I sure hope you're being sarcastic. "Bad" is my middle name. I think...

PROFESSOR OAK: {irritated} I need someone to go and take this parcel to the Pokemart over in Viridian City just up north.

NACHOMAN: I'm pretty sure the Mart delivers the parcel to Oak. But what do I know?

Come back here when you're done. I am tinkering with PokeDexes for you and Seymour.

STRONG BAD: Oh, okay. I remember this part, too.

{Strong Bad takes Professor Oak's Parcel.}

PROFESSOR OAK: Please go and get it. I assure you that joining Team Rocket is a bad idea.

STRONG BAD: Alright, alright. I won't join the Mafia. Maybe I can make my own...

{Strong Bad leaves Professor Oak's lab and heads off north to Route 1. End.}

SKUB: This fanfic reminds me of how much of a fucking snoozefest Pokemon Red was. Thanks for that little slice of nostalgia, Noxigar.