Yahtzee Style Reviews/free4all

Sephiroth locks SI in a cupboard and does the review for him.

The review

Many people regard Pong as being one of the most revolutionary games ever, which has also lasted the test of time. While the first one may be true, seeing as it was once one of the first games around back then (Around the time when your older uncle was a 10 year old, that is, of course..) I highly disagree with the second one. However, I have nothing to back this up.. just yet, so I go out to get myself a copy.

Of course, this game is nearly 30 years old, and none of the game stores would be selling it. (God, do any of the game stores actually sell any games that aren't manufactured pieces of shit anymore anyway?) So I head off to one of our favourite sites for buying old rubbish... That's right, Ebay. Where any old crap can go on sale, and someone's bound to buy it. If you can get a piece of toast that vaguely resembles Jesus, then you can sure as hell get yourself some old games. Anyway, I look at the search results and find a game. However, it only has 2 minutes left on sale and it's a 2600 game, and I have no 2600 to play it on. Oh bugger. So I open up a new tab and quickly search for a 2600 console that is on buy it now. I click the button, and as fast as I can I type in the details... Luckily for me, it's sold. So I rush back to the Pong page to buy it, only to realize I'm too late.

Assburgers.

Luckily for me however, I notice there's another Pong game for sale. And it's also a buy it now.. Bad news however, is that it's an arcade stand and it's £2600. (Laugh it up wankers, I get the joke. Now piss off.) Being the sad ol' bloke I am, I quickly buy it. So I lost £2620 in the ordeal, but hey.. I'm a righteous bastard, what do I care?

So after 3 days of waiting, the game comes to me in its splendid glory. I plug it in, turn on the switch and I am finally ready to play.

The first thing I noticed was its graphics. Jesus, I know it was 1970's and all, but I've seen better looking dog turds! It's just a bunch of white pixels! Ahh {BEEP} it, I paid good money for this!

The gameplay is decent, and so are the controls, which are fairly simple. You move the joystick up and down to deflect the ball in order to launch it into the opponents field. Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun! In all, this is a decent game for it's time, but if it was released now.. OH HELL WHAT AM I SAYING, THIS GAME IS GREAT. I WASTED 76 HOURS AND $2620 ON THIS, AND I CAN'T STOP.

So in final words... {BEEP} you Ebay for stealing my money, {BEEP} you for encouraging me, and {BEEP} Atari for making such a fun game..

This is Seph Intelligent, signing out. Thanks for watching.

- Seph Intelligent