Jaro Emails Temporary Wiki User Wiki Page Woot/cheatball

Summary

Email 44:Cheatballs

Cast: Jaro, Chorch, Grundy, The Alternates, The Boss, Dark Greggo, Homeschool, 1-Up, Stinkoman, Bubs

Lines: 262

Transcript

{We begin with Jaro, Grundy and Chorch facing their counterparts in Homeschool's living room. The Tv is smoking. Grundy is in shock.}

GRUNDY: What the- ?

JARO: What happened to the TV?

ALTERNATE CHORCH: Uhhhhh

ALTERNATE JARO: We were playing dodge--

ALTERNATE GRUNDY: --kick--

ALTERNATE CHORCH: --foot--

ALTERNATE JARO: --ball.

JARO: Well, this is just great. Now we can't answer an email!

CHORCH: How are we going to get paid if we can't make a product?

JARO: It's all the alternate's faults! Sic em, Grundy!

GRUNDY: {snarls}

ALTERNATE GRUNDY: No!

CHORCH: Jaro, don't. Look, we can get revenge without resorting to violence. {turns to the alternates} Okay, we're not going to just let you off scot free. Hmm... How about you guys answer an email for us?

ALTERNATE GRUNDY: Um, how do you suppose we do that with no TV?

CHORCH: Eh, you'll figure something out. Well, we're going to go wander around until some sort of villain shows up. Ciao!

'{The real trio leaves. The alternates stand alone.}

{The Alternates stand alone. They look back and forth for a second, and then suddenly glow white. In a flash, they materialize into three Cheatballs. One has a baseball cap, one has sunglasses, and one has a pirate's hat. The first two stand together while the one with the pirate's hat stands to the side. They all talk in cutesy voices.}

BOSS CHEATBALL: Well, there's not much sense in delayin' it any further boys. Jaro and his friends must be killed.

{The other two Cheatballs shout with glee.}

BOSS CHEATBALL: Now, don't get too excited yet. I still need to check in with that Dark Greg guy to make sure he has our money. Lesse...

{The Boss pulls out a small box from under his hat, which displays a grainy screen on the wall.}

BOSS CHEATBALL: Begin video-conference: Dark Greg.

COMPUTER: Video Conference Initiated.

{The screen flashes, and then a video of Dark Greggo appears. He looks caught off guard.}

DARK GREGGO: {clears his throat} It's about time.

BOSS CHEATBALL: Hey, we needed to get them out of the house!

DARK GREGGO: I don't care. Have you killed Jaro yet?

BOSS CHEATBALL: Well, w--

DARK GREGGO: You still haven't?? God, you three are the worst bounty hunters ever!

BOSS CHEATBALL: These things take time! We don't wanna cause a scene. Assassination is an art, you s--

DARK GREGGO: Listen to me! Jaro has the dumb luck to find me in the multiverse, and if he does, I know he will bring me down somehow, and I can't risk that happening! {furious} Now, you will destroy him and his friends before they get a chance to use that universe-traveler or I will play kickball with you!

{the transmission ends}

{The Boss turns to the other two. He pulls out a small USB drive.}

THE BOSS: You see this? This has a computer virus on it. It is the single deadliest computer virus on the planet. Normally it would be used to tamper with reality, but only when installed on an old computer from these times. Jaro is more advanced, so it'll just destroy him and his friends.

{The three cheatballs "high five".}

{We then cut to Jaro, Grundy and Chorch wandering through the fields.}

CHORCH: I don't think those alternates are answering the email.

JARO: You know, maybe Homeschool was right. Maybe they aren't alternates.

GRUNDY: Well then, who are they? I mean, they look exactly like us, so what could they be?

JARO: Heck if I know..

{Cut to a bowl of potato salad with the text "Unneccesary Potato Salad Transition" printed on the bowl. We then cut to Jaro, Chorch and Grundy arriving in the basement of Bubs'. They are walking down the steps and Homeschool cheerily greets them.}

HOMESCHOOL: Good news!

JARO: Did you manage to pay the bills for that storyline that we completely didn't forget about from two episodes ago?

HOMESCHOOL: Yes I did, but that's not what I wanted to tell you!

GRUNDY: Well then you'd better tell me before I explode in anticipation!

HOMESCHOOL: We've finished the Universal Traveller!

CHORCH: Wasn't it supposed to be a Dimensional Traveler?

HOMESCHOOL: Eh, universes, dimensions, what's the difference?

CHORCH: Well you know, just everything.

HOMESCHOOL: Look, it is a spaceship. And it goes through universes.

JARO: Great! We can finally get back to the future and find Dark Greggo!

HOMESCHOOL: Uh, time travelling? You didn't say you wanted time travelling in the ship.

JARO: Uh.. well we kinda need that

{1-Up runs up the stairs.}

1-UP: Alright, I just added a time travelling feature to the ship.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, that's.. swell!

JARO: Well, I guess we can go now!

1-UP: Um, not exactly.

JARO: what

1-UP: Well, this ship needs fuel, right? And since this isn't 20X6, we don't really have any way to power it. So right now, we're looking for some form of plentiful fuel.

CHORCH: Well, how long will it take to find any?

1-UP: Umm, an amount of time..

JARO: {sighs} Well, I guess we'd better find something else to do..

{A transition screen appears with the text "Meanwhile..". We then cut back to the Cheatballs at the broken TV. It is covered in tape and a flickering email is beginning to fade onscreen.}

THE BOSS: Success!

Subject:clones

Sup trio,
You guys got clones?
Cause there's some guys
causing a ruckus that look
and awful lot like you. They say
they're you. Just wondering
because I want to know if I should
murder all of you or not.
Best wishes,
Trogador

{A light bulb appears over The Boss's head.}

THE BOSS: {turns to the other two} Guys? Forget the virus.

{The other two look puzzled.}

THE BOSS: I've got a much better idea for killing those three, and I think it'll be a lot more fun..

CAPPED CHEATBALL: What will we do with that virus?

THE BOSS: Eh, we'll just dump it somewhere.

{We cut back to the trio in the basement of the Concession Stand. They look bored.}

CHORCH: Hey, I just remembered something.

JARO: What?

CHORCH: Remember that email we got? From 1-Up?

JARO: Uh, I think so..

CHORCH: It said "when we go back, we need to find an old friend".

JARO: An old friend?

GRUNDY: You mean Homeschool?

JARO: I don't think so...

CHORCH: 1-Up, what did you mean?

1-UP: {turns around} Huh?

CHORCH: You said we needed to find an old friend. What did that mean?

1-UP: What the sam hill are you talking about?

CHORCH: Don't you remember? You sent us an email back in 20X6? When you were Homeschool?

1-UP: When I was Homeschool?

JARO: 1-Up!

1-UP: What am I supposed to be saying?

JARO: You had a program of Homeschool that activated!

1-UP: I... think I know what you're talking about but..

{Chorch pulls Jaro over.}

CHORCH: We were in Dark Greggo's castle a long time.. He could have done tons of crap to us while we were there, and I bet he erased whatever information 1-Up was supposed to tell us.

JARO: oohhhhh.. that makes sense. So, he's in Homeschool mode, but he doesn't know it?

CHORCH: I guess..

{Jaro moves away.}

JARO: Well, what are we going to do now? We've got a cryptic message and nobody to explain it to us!

{Bubs suddenly runs downstairs.}

BUBS: You ain't going to believe it! That old castle just exploded! C'mon, let's go crowd around!

1-UP: Oh, boy!

{1-Up, Stinkoman, Homeschool and Bubs exit up the stairs.}

GRUNDY: Wait! I think I've figured it out! I know who our friend from the past is!

{a long pause}

GRUNDY: The King of Town!

The End