FINAL FANTASY/2

{Open: the king's castle. The four heroes approach the gates.}

NCHO: Well, gentlemen? Here we are!

CHWK: I see this thing every time I wake up. What's so special about it?

NCHO: Have you ever been... inside?

SKUL: I haven't!

CHWK: Pff! I have! ... Seen through the windows.

NCHO: Well? Let's not waste any time!

{NCHO approaches the guard.}

NCHO: Hello, my good man!

GUARD: Welcome to Corneria Castle!

NCHO: I am the brave mage, NCHO... may my entourage and I enter?

GUARD: Welcome to Corneria Castle!

NCHO: ... I will assume that means yes! Come, everyone!

{The party follows NCHO into the castle. Inside is a bleak, gloomy castle. The walls are made of hewn stone, every so often covered in tapestry.}

CHWK: This blows.

NCHO: I never expected it to be so... tacky.

BLUE: Way dark.

SKUL: You know, it could do with a light fixture here and there-

{The four are approached by a guard.}

GUARD: Hey! Who let you in?

SKUL: Oh, the guy out front let us in.

GUARD: Frank? You seriously got past him?

NCHO: Why, sir, we are here to see the King!

GUARD: Well, nobody sees the king! No way, no how!

NCHO: Sir, it is about the quest-

{BLUE pulls out some orbs.}

BLUE: Light Orbs.

GUARD: ... You have the orbs?

CHWK: {simultaneously} You have the orbs?

BLUE: Yeah. So?

GUARD: But those are only given to the chosen ones... Oh, my! I'm so sorry to bother you, please--go see the king!

{The guard quickly opens the door to the throne room.}

CHWK: {to BLUE} How did you know? None of us had the orbs-

BLUE: Stole 'em.

'CHWK: {to BLUE} You... you WHAT-

BLUE: So what?

CHWK: So what- so what?! We're not the chosen ones! We're just a bunch of misfits bundled together awkwardly in a ragtag group of warriors!

KING: {offscreen} Beg pardon?

{CHWK looks up to see the King.}

CHWK: OH SH

KING: What was it you were saying about the chosen ones?

CHWK: I was reassuring my friend here, heh- that we were, indeed, the chosen ones!

BLUE: He was.

KING: Oh! Very well. So you have the Light Orbs?

BLUE: Right here.

{BLUE takes out the orbs.}

KING: Splendid! Now, I assume you are all ready...

SKUL: As we'll ever be!

KING: Good! Now listen... Garland, the evil knight, has taken my daughter to the Temple of Fiends, north from here. Bring her back safely and you will get a reward beyond your wildest imaginations!

NCHO: That sounds well and good... but how do we know if we are strong enough to defeat Garland?

KING: Oh, if you're feeling incompetent you can go grind some imps for XP, if you want.

CHWK: Grind some imps? ... Ew.

KING: It's less naughty than you think.

{Cut: outside Corneria. The group is walking along a path through a forest.}

CHWK: So here we are... four warriors on a mission! It's so exciting!

NCHO: Agreed, friend!

CHWK: Ew no never mind.

SKUL: The king said something about imps... what could that be?

{Suddenly, a small, horned, elf-like creature hops out from a bush.}

CHWK: What's that?

BLUE: An imp.

SKUL: That thing? That's not evil looking--it's cute!

{Ten more imps hop from the bushes.}

CHWK: Ohhhhhhh. That's, uh-

BLUE: Not good.

SKUL: No need to panic--they haven't attacked us yet! They're more afraid of us than we are of them-

{An imp hops onto NCHO's face and starts clawing him.}

NCHO: OH SWEET JESUS Y MARIA Y JOSE

SKUL: Okay, let's get rid of 'em.

{SKUL takes out his rapier and slices through about four of them. BLUE takes out a dagger and stabs one in the back. NCHO takes a sword and gets the one clawing his face off.}

CHWK: OKAY MY TURN

{CHWK takes out a staff and starts beating an imp with it. The imp seems unfazed.}

CHWK: WHHHHHHHH

{SKUL crushes the imp with his foot.}

SKUL: Don't you know any magic?

CHWK: I ALREADY TOLD YOU NO

SKUL: Oh, right...

CHWK: RRRRRRRRRGH

NCHO: Don't worry, I can teach you a spell or two-

CHWK: NO NO OKAY NO

{The group finishes killing the imps.}

SKUL: Alright... all the imps are gone!

{Pause.}

SKUL: I don't feel any more powerful than usual.

BLUE: Me neither.

SKUL: Well! Let's keep doing this for hours.

{Cut: hours later. The forest floor is covered in imp bodies. The party is covered in blood.}

SKUL: Alright, guys! We gained a level!

CHWK: {weakly} Woo!

SKUL: Now let's heal up and head to the Temple of Fiends!

{Cut: the Temple of Fiends. The party is being watched through a crystal ball by none other than Garland.}

GARLAND: Those fools! To think they can stop me is comedy at its finest!

PRINCESS: {offscreen} You'll never beat them, Garland!

GARLAND: Did I say you could talk?

PRINCESS: {offscreen} Eep.

GARLAND: Anyway, I will get them in my grasp and I shall crush them to pieces! Nothing will stop me from invoking Chaos! Wahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!

{Fade to black. Fade in at the gates of the Temple of Fiends.}

NCHO: This is it... our quest is nearly over.

SKUL: To think that this is how our quest ends... here, at these temple gates.

BLUE: It's sad.

CHWK: I almost appreciated our time together... almost.

SKUL: Well, let's not dawdle, everyone...

{The party enters the temple.}

SKUL: Wow... It's so maze-like! I wonder where Garland is?

CHWK: I can see him from here.

{The camera rotates to show Garland waiting in a room at the end of a straight hallway.}

GARLAND: Yoo-hoo!

SKUL: Who says "yoo-hoo" to the heroes?

GARLAND: I DO!

{The party runs up to Garland, swords (and stick) at the ready.}

GARLAND: You think I can be stopped? I, Garland, will knock you all down!

{Garland takes a swipe at NCHO, knocking him to the ground.}

NCHO: Well, I cannot say he's a liar!

GARLAND: Hit me with your best shot!

SKUL: Well, love is a battlefield and I am the warrior! Take this!

{SKUL smashes Garland in the head with his sword. Garland staggers back, but recuperates.}

GARLAND: Is that all?

BLUE: No way.

{BLUE shifts behind Garland and stabs him in the back.}

NCHO: Allow me to help!

{NCHO takes his sword and stabs Garland in the chest.}

GARLAND: How- how are you so powerful?

CHWK: Hey, Garland! Guess what I know?

{CHWK takes out his staff and starts conjuring a fireball. It gains size extremely quickly.}

CHWK: Prepare to taste the power of FIRE!

{The fireball is shot at Garland, knocking him down.}

GARLAND: I... I was knocked down?!

{Garland falls to the ground, defeated.}

SKUL: ... We did it!

NCHO: We did it!

BLUE: We did it.

CHWK: WE DID- Does anybody else smell smoke?

{CHWK looks down to see that his robes are on fire.}

CHWK: AAH AAH AAAH AAAAAAH

{CHWK drops and rolls.}

SKUL: Now then... let's save the princess!

{SKUL walks up to the princess, who has been sitting on a comfortable-looking sofa.}

SKUL: ... Wow, he didn't even tie you up or anything.

PRINCESS: Yeah, well, truth is I could have left any time I want. I just wanted to get some longevity out of the situation.

SKUL: Wow. That's horrible.

BLUE: You bitch.

PRINCESS: Well, whatever! I'm saved now, so thank you!

{The princess gives SKUL a kiss on the cheek.}

SKUL: Wow... what a reward!

PRINCESS: Well that's not all! Wait until we get home to get the real reward!

{The princess winks at SKUL.}

SKUL: Oh, my...

CHWK: {offscreen} IT BURNS SO BADLY AND IT WILL NOT STOP

{Cut: the throne room of Corneria Castle.}

KING: Many thanks for rescuing my daughter, warriors!

NCHO: No problem, mi rey!

KING: Ah, but that's not all! In my generosity, I hereby build for you-

CHWK: {thinking} It's a statue it's a statue it's a statue

KING: -a bridge, connecting our continent with the rest!

CHWK: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

BLUE: ... That's it?

KING: Yep.

NCHO: No statue, no nothing?

KING: Bridges? You know those? Yeah, they cost money. They cost the taxpayers' dollars, and I don't want it going to waste.

NCHO: You do have a point.

BLUE: Where's SKUL?

CHWK: Good point... I haven't seen him since we got back!

{SKUL walks out of the princess' room, hair tousled and armor thrown on.}

CHWK: Woah. What happened to you?

SKUL: I'll tell you later. All you need to know is that I got a lute out of it.

CHWK: Wow, really?

SKUL: Yep!

{The warriors leave the castle. Fade to black.}

{Fade in to the Temple of Fiends. Garland gets up.}

GARLAND: ... And they thought I was dead... hahaha! Not likely!

{Garland gets to his feet.}

GARLAND: And now for the best part!

{Garland begins a ritual.}

GARLAND: I CALL UPON YOU, ELEMENTAL FIENDS! COME, BRING ME IMMEASURABLE POWER! HELP ME BRING FORTH... CHAOS!

{The room begins to shake. Fire begins to erupt from the ground, wind howls through the corridors, and the clouds above the temple begin to turn gray.}

GARLAND: I SUMMON YOU WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT!

{Fade to black.}