Wiki TV/Noid

{cut to the main boardroom at Wiki TV offices. Chwoka walks in and throws his suitvase on the table.}

CHWOKA: Sorry I'm late, everybody, I got caught up in traffic. You have to do that when you fall behind. Oh, zing!

{He looks around at the rest of the boardroom, which is populated by Zoo and two interns.}

INTERN 2: What?

CHWOKA: I didn't expect you to understand, Alfie. It's alright, you don't know my science just yet.

{Chwoka sits down and opens up the suitcase.}

ZOO: So what's this meeting for anyways?

CHWOKA: I have a brand new idea I wanted to present to you all. Introducing...

{Chwoka takes out a poster from the suitcase which shows a muscular, humanoid unicorn in an astronaut suit, holding a laser rifle. It is labeled UNICORN X.}

CHWOKA: Unicorn X, television's newest hero!

{Intern 1 groans.}

CHWOKA: Yes, Rick?

RICK: That concept is just so...bland and boring. And all the other networks have had shows like that already.

ALFIE: {nodding} Nicholas Muskrat, Attorney at Law!

ZOO: And let's not forget "Linus and The Raptors".

CHWOKA: Now, now, you haven't listened to my entire plan. Sure, it sounds like the standard animalian drama with comedy mixed in, but wait 'til you hear the twist...

RICK: Oh, God no...

CHWOKA: He lives in the 1980's!

ZOO: Why?

CHWOKA: Time travel. You see, he's the USSR's biggest commando, and-

ZOO: The USSR were defunct after the 80's.

CHWOKA: Communism sells, I've done my research. Anyways, now he has to deal with day-to-day life in what some would say is a new planet. And the twist is, it is!

ALFIE: He's on a different planet?

CHWOKA: Technically he was never born, but I'll get to that later. Anyways, the main meat of the show will come from him struggling as a non-alcoholic beer salesman.

RICK: What the hell are you on about?!

CHWOKA: Rick, I am sick {looks at the screen} ZING! {looks back} of your whining and extreme negativity. You're fired, Rick.

{Chwoka starts throwing markers at Rick. He flinches and yells ow and runs out.}

CHWOKA: Now, where were we...

ALFIE: Talking about the communist space unicorn who was never born who time traveled to a different planet stuck in our 1980's to sell non-alcoholic beer.

CHWOKA: Did I mention he's an alcoholic? That's a drama machine right there, tons of potential.

ZOO: So we could explore him succumbing to alcohol and his eventual rehabilitation?

CHWOKA: I was thinking that it gave him superpowers. You know, like that one show with the thing and the lady.

ALFIE: Mr. Chwoka?

CHWOKA: Yes Alfie?

ALFIE: I quit.

CHWOKA: What? Why?!

ALFIE: This network is a sinking ship, and this will just send it plummeting further. I have job offers at FOX. Thanks for having me.

{Alfie walks out.}

CHWOKA: ...may we have a moment of silence for Alfie, a young man who left us today. He was a damn good soldier and Uncle Sam would be proud. {looking above and screaming} Don't think you've won just yet, you son of a-

ZOO: Chwoka!

CHWOKA: Yes?

ZOO: We need to hire some new people to replace Alfie and Rick.

CHWOKA: Got any guys on the market?

ZOO: Hmm...there's this Ted Noid guy who wrote some old cantaloupe show that lasted a season. Then he wrote this thing about a fat, lazy dragon God with superpowers-

CHWOKA: Hired!

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Holy crap, gutbuster. You were failed, but now I just have to hire you! — ChwokaTalk