Raggonixmail/1

SUMMARY: Raggonix gets a new computer after destroying his last one and does some sort of email Youtube show or something. COMPLETELY ORIGINAL IDEA, DO NOT STEAL.

Transcript

{The screen is black. Muffled voices can be heard.}

????????: You fuck, TAKE OFF THE DAMN LENS BEFORE I CUT YOU.

??????: Oh jeez, woops.

{Raggon removes the lens, showing a small room in the warehouse being filmed. There's a small desk, with Raggonix at a computer chair, and a large wooden box, which is apparently a computer, hooked up to a monitor and keyboard which lie on the desk.}

RAGGONIX: HELLO MINIONS, WELCOME TO MY EMA-

{Before he can finish his line, Raggon knocks the camera over. Take 2.}

RAGGONIX: HELLO MINIONS, WELCOME TO MY EMAIL SHOW! MY NAME IS RAGGONIX, AND-

{Raiku rushes through into the room}

RAIKU: Hi, my name is Raiku Samiyaza, and here at Samiyaza Paranormal Investigation Agency, we are here for all your occult nee-

{Raggonix grabs him, shocks him a bit, and tosses him out the door. Take 3}

RAGGONIX: My name is Raggonix, and today, we'll be looking at my emails, BECAUSE I AM INTERESTING.

{Raggonix loads up the computer, and logs into his email, wading through spam, until he finds something interesting.}

RAGGONIX: Ooh, some sort of distress mail! Let's take a look!

Greetings From Mettle Ismaila,

I know that this mail might come to you as a surprise because you don't know me and i don't know you too. My name is Mettle Ismaila Mohamed, i am 23 years old girl and an orphan. My late father was the deputy general manager with CNPC oil company at the Khartoum refinery in Sudan who was killed alongside with my beloved mother and our family house burnt down by the rebels during the last crisis in my country when Janjaweed militant came to our house,and this was what sent me away from my country to Burkina Faso as i made my escape only by God's special grace.

When my father died, i was living with my step mother happily until when thing changed and she wanted me to be fooling around, and when she found out that the was a money willed to me she asked me to travel with her to Burkina Faso where the money is deposited so that i can withdraw the money since i am the next of kin, but i refused because she was bringing in men to our house and doing all sorts of things. And she begged me but i refused, and she threatened to kill me, that is why i ran away and came to Burkina Faso where the money is deposited as a refugee, and i went to the bank and they confirmed that the money is there and that i am the next of kin, but they also asked me to bring a trustee that will stand on my behalf,because that is what my late father instructed them.

Actually in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me to relocate to western world for a better life; i have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i believe you will not try to cheat me but rather take me as your own people. Though you may wonder why i am so soon giving in to you without seeing you, well i will say that my instant still tells me that you could be true to me. Briefly, I will like to disclose much to you if you will help me to relocate to your country with the substance that i inherited from my parent. I have a substantial amount of $5.6 Million which i will like to invest in your country into any lucrative business venture which you are to advise and execute seeing that i have no business experience for now.

However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund. As you will help me in an investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my 1st year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why i decided to contact you. I have contacted the Bank and they told me that i am free to come and claim the money as the only daughter of my late father as i have the secret number my father gave me. Now, i am presently living in Christ De king Mission camp as a refuge.

I am waiting for your reply,
Best regards
Mettle Ismaila.

RAGGONIX: THAT POOR LADY! I shall help her!

RAGGON: Uh, Rag-

RAGGONIX: QUIET, RAGGON, THIS IS URGENT BUSINESS.

{Raggonix begins replying.}

RAGGONIX: Dear Mettle, which is a lovely name, if I might add, I do not know anything about investing, but if you need money so bad, I can probably send you some credit cards. Keep in mind, I just tl;dr'd this email, so I have no idea exactly what you said, but, my friend Raiku has some money so-

RAIKU: DON'T YOU DARE. Also, youtube, BUY ONE EXORCISM, GET ONE FREEEEEE-

{Raggonix tosses him back out.}

RAGGONIX: Okay, change of plans, instead, I'll send you a check. Do you have an address of sorts? Or, fuck, I'll just send you some bitcoins. Those work, right? Love, Raggonix.

{Raggonix hits send. Raggon facepalms, as he turns off the camera. He turns to Raggonix.}

RAGGON: You know that was a scam, right?

RAGGONIX: Who gives a fuck? That woman was in trouble!

{Raggon punches Raggonix in the face, and leaves.}

RAGGONIX: Help?

Fin.