Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/12"

Revision as of 14:45, 20 September 2018

Synopsis

Transcript

{The scene begins in Town Hall. Noelle is at her desk, taking the occasional secretary role when not on the computer trying to manage the Mayor's doings. The clock turns to the hour. Noelle gets up from her desk, whilst still on the phone.}

NOELLE: Look, I've got to go. I'll see you guys tomorrow; hopefully, you can help teach the Mayor how to use a Windows 10 computer. Farewell.

{Noelle hangs up.}

NOELLE: The Nerd Krewe better show up. They owe me more than just one favour.

{Noelle goes to clock out from her office. Fast-forward to reveal Noelle's high-end apartment. She goes over to her kitchen and turns on a coffee machine.}

NOELLE: {yawns} What a rough day.

{Noelle turns on her high-definition television, then picks up a PlayStation 4 controller and headset. She turns her microphone on.}

NOELLE: 'Sup, playas.

KENDALL: Yo, Noelle! How was work?

NOELLE: Same old, same old. I clocked out late. Again.

KENDALL: Another long day as usual?

NOELLE: Yep. Kind of just glad to be home, really.

KENDALL: Hear about North Syllahona? Apparently, President Kardashian-West is going to a peace summit there.

NOELLE: Bleck, politics. Yes, I saw it all already. My feed was nothing but politics.

KENDALL: Sorry, mate. Thought you might've wanted to hear my two cents on it.

NOELLE: I do, but I need to engage in some Motor Vehicle Theft 6 first. Where 'we dropping? Wizard's Tower?

KENDALL: Wizard's Tower isn't in this one.

NOELLE: I could've sworn it was.

KENDALL: Nah, MVT 6 is only loosely based on Republic Island. One of the only landmarks they didn't make a substitute for is the Clock Museum. Let's drop by there.

{Short pause.}

NOELLE: Alright. Clock Museum it is.

{On-screen, Noelle's avatar drops into the street, right next to a large clock-tower. A secondary avatar drops in next to her's.}

KENDALL: Let's steal some shit!

{The two avatars walk up to a car which is parked in the street and attempt to hijack it. However, a pop-up appears, stating: "Would you like to pay $5 to gain access to the new 2018 Edison Chevalier?"

KENDALL: These microtransactions are getting worse! I swear, this game is becoming unplayable as of late.

NOELLE: Tell me about it.

KENDALL: The last one was much better, in my opinion. Oh yeah, do you have any plans for the coming weekend?

NOELLE: A few plans, yeah. I promised this dude that I'd help him find a new apartment.

{Kendall squeals in delight.}

KENDALL: Ooh, did you get a boyfriend?

NOELLE: No! Not like that! I barely know him! I just... agreed to help him, that's all.

{Suddenly, their two avatars die as the entire map is nuked.}

NOELLE: What?!

KENDALL: Argh, somebody bought the Nuke DLC!

{Cut to the apartment above the Pierogi restaurant. Chaos is all nervous and jittery, while Garfield and Lex are watching him pace around the front room.}

GARFIELD: Chaos, I really don't think it's a good idea to go out tomorrow. There are people looking for you. You need to lay low!

LEX: Ya'd think that'd be the thing he's all shook up about, instead'a meetin' a girl. I mean, ya spent three years in prison!

CHAOS: OH GODS!!

{Chaos panics harder.}

CHAOS: What if she finds out that I went to prison? She might see me as a thug! I can't not tell her, though, because that would be lying and she would find out! But it's not technically lying...

{Lex and Garfield look at each other, confusedly.}

CHAOS: But it's still lying by omission which is the same thing as lying, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods!!

{Lex grabs Chaos by the shoulders and slaps him.}

LEX: Pull ya'self out of ya polytheistic blasphemy, mon! Ya gonna be fine!

CHAOS: I'm fine. I'm fine. I think.

GARFIELD: I think those men were of some organized crime unit. You should not do this. You too, Lex!

LEX: I don't know why ya warnin' us when it was ya gal who tipped that guy off in tha first place!

CHAOS: Wait, what?

{Garfield stands up and throws his arms in the air.}

GARFIELD: I'm not entitled to request Stephanie's assistance with my supervillainy. It would jeopardize the strength of our friendship, maybe even double jeopardize it.

LEX: I don't blame ya, mon. Still, we should be fine.

CHAOS: What was this about organized crime?

{Garfield facepalms. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.}

LEX: I'll get it!

{Lex scoots offscreen.}

CHAOS: ...Nevermind. Garfield, ya gotta help me, man. What should I wear? Should I go t-shirt and jeans, or should I wear a button-up shirt? What if she expects me to wear a suit?! Wait- We're only looking at apartments, it's not a date or anything.

GARFIELD: Look, can't you reschedule it, at least? I'll go out and investigate, and see if I can fix this mess, and then you can go out.

CHAOS: Reschedule? And look like some fuckin' loser with cold feet? No way!

{Lex comes back, holding a package that has been hastily wrapped in newspaper and tied together with a string. It is also wet and dripping.}

LEX: Weird. Nobody was at th'door. Did any of ya's order somethin' from the dwarfnet?

CHAOS: Nope.

GARFIELD: I bought some soap opera memorabilia, but it did not look like that.

LEX: Huh. Let's see what's inside

{Lex sits down and unwraps the package, untying the string and opening the newspaper. It is revealed to be a bundle of fish.}

LEX: Are any'ya sure that ya didn't order fish from the dwarfnet?

GARFIELD: No...

{Everybody looks at each other in confusion. Cut to Rosato, who is parked outside of the restaurant. Giuliano runs out of the building and gets into the car.}

GIULIANO: I did it. I gave 'em the message. Tonight, they will be sleepin' with the fishes.

ROSATO: That's great. Now all we need to do is wait. We'll shadow 'em and nab 'em when they're least expectin' it.

{Giuliano and Rosato drive off. Cut to Noelle at the grocery store, buying some fish.}

NOELLE: It's been a long while since I had swordfish...

{Noelle picks up some swordfish, checking the expiration date.}

NOELLE: Good, I knew this store was the best!

{Noelle looks around. Some men in suits show up, followed by Droll.}

DROLL: Something something blueprints...

{Droll looks at a cue card. Rolling his eyes, he throws the cue card away.}

DROLL: Did the Mayor get involved in any crime recently?

NOELLE: Gods, no. I've been trying to keep him in the straight and narrow.

DROLL: Well, there goes that breadcrumb trail, lads. We'll probably find better luck in the cereal aisle.

{Droll and the men in suits walk offscreen. Noelle feverishly tries to text Mayor Meier. Fast-forward to Noelle in her apartment, talking on her headphone whilst playing on her PS4.}

NOELLE: I think I have time to cook the swordfish tomorrow.

JOAN: Swordfish? What part of Towningdale are you living in again?

NOELLE: Downtown.

JOAN: Oh, okay. So, how did you get an apartment in there?

NOELLE: Battel Tournament prize. It came with a red luxury car.

JOAN: Wait, a legit fighting tournament?

NOELLE: Long story, not worth getting into. I have to wear eyeshadow to mask black eyes.

JOAN: You still have to use makeup?

NOELLE: A lot of gossip goes 'round in Towningdale. Town Hall is not exempt.

{Fast-forward. Noelle eventually gets bored of playing on her PS4, and connects her computer to the monitor. She winds up watching some news - Sarah Khoroushi is hosting.}

KHOROUSHI: Petrobucks' campaign aide is being taken to court over a boat crash incident that killed five and injured twenty people. So far, it looks like the aide is being charged with negligent homicide, and reports indicate that Petrobucks is so enamored with oil companies that his aides are trying to sweep this incident under the rug. More news at-

{Noelle disconnects the monitor to her computer. She then checks the time on the bottom right corner of her screen.}

NOELLE: Wait, yeah, I called for a day off today.

{Noelle gets up, and stretches her arms and legs.}

NOELLE: {yawns} Time for my morning walk, I guess?

{Fast-forward to Noelle in a change of clothes, to something more casual as she heads towards the park. She spots Stephanie sitting on a park bench with a vanilla latte.}

NOELLE: Yo, Latte-Girl!

{Stephanie blinks, then looks at Noelle with lowered eyelids.}

STEPHANIE: It's Stephanie.

NOELLE: Sorry, I keep forgetting.

{Stephanie warily sips her latte.}

NOELLE: Hey, so... how've things been? Kinda haven't seen you in a while.

STEPHANIE: Work's been kicking me in the balls.

NOELLE: You, too?

STEPHANIE: I've been keeping up with the news and trying to carry all of Republic Island on my back.

NOELLE: Wouldn't your spine fold like origami?

STEPHANIE: Not if I mix this vanilla latte with some hard-ass scotch, a chocolate milkshake...

NOELLE: Needed to mix all the desserts?

{Stephanie blinks, then downs her entire latte.}

NOELLE: Damn, girl. It's not even six in the morning!

{Stephanie does a backflip off the bench, landing on the grass.}

STEPHANIE: I've been up since 3 AM trying to evade anxiety problems.

{Short pause.}

NOELLE: ...I'm not sure mixing scotch with coffee helps with that, really.

STEPHANIE: Have you even met my boss?

NOELLE: Well, I presume you've been jogging?

STEPHANIE: I don't like running away.

NOELLE: I'm not being figurative, I was thinking some exercise oughta-

{Stephanie lifts up her left hand, revealing that it's been bandaged since her last appearance.}

STEPHANIE: I punched a tree.

NOELLE: Uhm-

{Noelle looks dumbfounded.}

STEPHANIE: Look, I gotta jet. Those breakfast pierogis aren't going to get themselves.

{Stephanie runs offscreen.}

NOELLE: Cool, yet aloof. I wonder if-

{Noelle strokes her own chin.}

NOELLE: She didn't specify where she was getting pierogis... though that does narrow it down to... ten? Ten places?

{Noelle walks in a different direction from Stephanie. The camera focuses on Stephanie, as she bumps into Leigh again.}

STEPHANIE: Whoops, sorry-

{Leigh and Stephanie freeze as they look at each other. A few seconds later, Leigh picks up his luggage and proceeds onward.}

LEIGH: My mistake. I should have watched where I was going.

{Stephanie catches up with Leigh.}

STEPHANIE: What are you-

LEIGH: I'm moving out of my old apartment today. Gordon and I were going to meet for pierogis.

STEPHANIE: What a serendipity. I, too, seek pierogis.

LEIGH: Yeah. Turns out that my life is still going pretty well since your boss got me fired.

STEPHANIE: I'm sorry about that, I-...

LEIGH: I'm not blaming you. Though don't get me wrong, your boss is doing a good job at making enemies.

STEPHANIE: I know.

{Zoom out to reveal Gordon's moped fast approaching Leigh and Stephanie as they are walking through Downtown Towningdale.}

GORDON: Oi, Claymore! Sorry it took me longer t'get 'ere, I kept gettin' cut off by these black cars which are all around the city.

{A nervous look appears on Stephanie's face at the sound of "black cars" as she backs away.}

GORDON: Ye' gonna hop on? It ain't too far from 'ere. If I'm gonna 'elp ye pack, ye' bet I'm gonnae get some fud in me' belly first!

LEIGH: Of course! Right behind you!

{Leigh gets on the back of the moped. He sees Stephanie, who is creeping away.}

LEIGH: Hey, weren't you going to the same place?

GORDON: Ah, if ye' wanna join us, y'can! Hop on, if we squeeze together enough, we could get three people on 'ere!

STEPHANIE: Uhh- Yeah, I just realized that I had something to do.

LEIGH: Really? That's a shame. See ya!

{Gordon and Leigh scoot off, leaving Stephanie behind.}

STEPHANIE: I'm really starting to question my own life choices lately...

{Cut to the apartment. Lex and Garfield are still in the living room as Chaos emerges from his bedroom, dressed in jeans and a white button-up shirt, with his tweed jacket over it. He pulls out a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}

CHAOS: Well? How do I look?

GARFIELD: You look like my grandpa.

CHAOS: What?

LEX: Yeah, mon. What ya wearing... it's stylish, don't get me wrong. But stylish durin' the Great Depression, y'know?

{Chaos scoffs.}

CHAOS: You two wouldn't know style if it punched you in the face!

LEX: Hey, if you like it, it's good.

CHAOS: She told me to meet her outside the Town Hall building around one, and it is...

{Chaos looks at his watch.}

CHAOS: Five minutes until one, FUCK, I'M GONNA BE LATE! I GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO... SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!

{Lex walks up to Chaos.}

LEX: Don't ya worry ya little head. I'll drive ya there. We'll make it in no-time, flat!

CHAOS: Oh gods, thank you, man!

{Cut to Lex driving Chaos through the busy traffic in his ice-cream machine, paying no regard to street signs or traffic lights.}

CHAOS: I appreciate you doing this for me, but I'm pretty sure you just ran a red light.

LEX: Nah, mon. Emergency vehicles are exempt.

CHAOS: Lex, it's an ice-cream truck.

LEX: Ice-cream is always an emergency, mon.

{Cut to the area outside of Town Hall. Chaos spots Noelle sitting on the steps while listening to her MP3 player. Lex is about to park in front of the building, but Chaos stops him.}

CHAOS: Just drop me off here, my guy.

LEX: What, afraid that I'll embarrass ya?

CHAOS: No, of course not! I just... figured that I need some exercise. Stretch my legs, y'know?

LEX: I gotcha mon.

{Chaos gets out of the truck.}

CHAOS: I owe you for this, Lex.

LEX: Hey, don't mention it. I'll keep a close watch on ya.

{Lex and Chaos give each other thumbs up. Chaos walks over to Noelle, who doesn't see him. He awkwardly stands around before he gently taps her on the shoulder. Noelle grabs his wrist and squeezes it hard, but lets go when she notices that it's him. She takes her earphones out.}

NOELLE: Hey, you made it!

{Chaos rubs his wrist, trying not to show his pain.}

CHAOS: Haha, yeah...

NOELLE: I am so sorry about that! I've been taking self-defense classes, and it happened automatically, I'm-

CHAOS: No no, it's fine. Self-defense is good. What kind? Karate? Tae-kwon-do?

NOELLE: Krav Maga.

CHAOS: Nice, nice.

NOELLE: I found a few listings online. You said you wanted somewhere close to where your friends live, right?

CHAOS: Yeah, but closer to Downtown. Mid-range price.

NOELLE: Awesome! I'll show you what I've seen so far, come!

{Noelle grabs Chaos' wrist and walks off, with Chaos' trailing behind her. Cut to Katyusha's.}

VOLKOV: Chefs glad you came back!

LEIGH: I'm glad Chefs enjoy my presence.

VOLKOV: Pierogi restaurant guaranteed sanctuary.

GORDON: Erm, sanctuary?

LEIGH: This is where I'm gonna live. Well.

{Leigh points up.}

LEIGH: Upstairs.

GORDON: 'Yer livin' at a pierogi restaurant? Ach, does that mean ya can get me free food?

VOLKOV: Don't push it.

GORDON: Sorry.

LEIGH: On that note, though, we'd like to get some pierogis to go. We wanna fill up, before we-

{Volkov immediately pulls out a large bag of pierogies.}

LEIGH: Wow. That was quick.

VOLKOV: I had them ready in advance.

{Volkov walks offscreen.}

LEIGH: ...well, I had intent to buy some new furniture, since I just got the last of my belongings here.

{Gordon cocks a brow.}

GORDON: Ye should probably take a breather. Mebbe the pierogies'll help.

VOLKOV: Online shopping is what I suggest.

{Short pause.}

LEIGH: Good idea.

{Gordon and Leigh both eat a lot of pierogies. Cut back to Lex, in his ice cream truck. The hipsters from Surreal Cereals show up, with one of them texting on their phone.}

LEX: I'm sorry, I-

{Texting Hipster shows their phone, which has the message, "Do you actually sell ice cream?"}

LEX: I used to. That was a long time ago.

{Texting Hipster shakes their head, and continues texting.}

OTHER HIPSTER: So what... you just hog all the ice cream for yourself now?

LEX: Nah mon, no ice cream. Got a couple a birds in here, though.

OTHER HIPSTER: Woah, man. We just wanted to ask about ice cream, not your personal life.

{The hipsters leave in disgust. Lex turns to yell to the back of the truck}

LEX: I told ya no one wanted to see birds in an ice cream truck! Outta here, the both of ya!

{The back of the ice cream truck suddenly pops open as two pigeons fly out}

LEX: Thought I'd never be rid of them...

{Gunshots can be heard, which cause the pigeons to fall not far from the ice cream truck. Then, several mobsters in suits arrive, with baseball bats and automatic firearms. They steadily approach Lex's ice cream truck.}

GUILIANO: I told you we hit the jackpot by scopin' out that truck!

{Lex takes out a bazooka. He hums a cellphone ringtone, before aiming it at the mobsters. As many of them have formed a circle around the ice cream truck, he isn't sure how many will be defeated.}

LEX: Okay, that was kind of a dick move.

ROSATO: So was messin' wit' us.

{Lex aims the bazooka at one of the mobster cars, and lets out a shot which causes it to explode. Several of them fall off, but Rosato is now on fire.}

ROSATO: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

GUILIANO: Rosato!

{The other mobsters take out their guns, and begin shooting at the ice cream truck. Pan to Guiliano, using a fire extinguisher to stop Rosato from being on fire.}

ROSATO: That's gotta sting.

GUILIANO: You coulda died!

ROSATO: Probably. Had we known these suckers had military-grade weapons, maybe our approach woulda been more covert.

{Rosato coughs.}

ROSATO: Erk. Breathed in some bad air.

{More explosions and cellphone ringtone humming can be heard in the background.}

GUILIANO: We should probably retreat, shouldn't we?

{Zoom out to reveal Rosato and Guiliano were being watched by a security camera near the apartment complex Chaos and Noelle were scoping. Pan to Headwiz, who is watching the goings-on intently.}

HEADWIZ: I didn't know Lex was so good with a bazooka.