Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/11"

Revision as of 09:14, 4 June 2018

Summary

Transcript

{Open to Xavier sitting at a table in the corner of an Italian restaurant. Sitting on the other side is a short and fat Italian man in a white suit with a red shirt, who is taking time to puff a cigar between bites of food.}

????: It's a pleasure meeting you again, Mr. D'Arque.

XAVIER: Call me Xavier. After all, we're friends, aren't we, Andre?

ANDRE: Right you are! As you may know, we are in full support of your campaign. The DuTempi Family will always be in your gratitude.

XAVIER: When I was running my campaign to become District Attorney, I promised to clean up this city by ending the gang warfare, and I delivered.

{The Italian man cackles as he takes another puff from the cigar.}

ANDRE: You cheeky bastard. You really laid a number on my competition. Those Bonifacio pricks had no idea what hit 'em!

{Andre takes a large slurp from his glass of wine.}

ANDRE: Let's cut the bullshit, though. I know we ain't talkin' pleasantries here. What can I do for you?

XAVIER: How good are you at finding people?

ANDRE: I once had a guy who was prepared to rat me out to the feds. Fled all the way to Europe when he knew that I knew. Lavosia, ya ever hear of it?

XAVIER: Of course. During my rowdier days as a youth, I spent a gap year there. Almost blew my whole allowance in their casinos. My father threatened to cut me off if I didn't come back. Good times.

ANDRE: Yeah. So this guy, he decided to play hide-and-go-seek, thinkin' he was safe. And y'know what? We let him believe that. For six months, we watched him build a decent life for himself. Worked at the shipyard, got himself a nice girl, lived in a chateau, y'know the life. Anyway, one day when they was comin' back home with groceries, and one of my guys had been followin' him. ...BAM!

{Andre makes a gun gesture with his hand.}

ANDRE: Splattered his brains all over his girl's lovely white dress. So yeah, how good am I at findin' people? You tell me.

{Xavier smiles evilly. He pulls out his phone, showing the image of Chaos and Lex at the heist.}

XAVIER: I have a very special job for your men.

{Cut to Leigh, who is video-chatting with Ned on his laptop.}

NED: I'm sorry, man. I tried talking to Jacqueline about getting your job back, but she just wouldn't budge. She didn't sound pleased about it, though.

LEIGH: I should've expected this to happen. I have about as much luck as a member of the Stark family.

NED: That is true. But you need to create your own luck. Make the best of a bad situation, like Tony Stark. He was captured by terrorists, put into a cave, and forced to make weapons. But you know what he did? He made himself a super suit and he busted out of there and became Iron Man.

LEIGH: Okay, first, I was referencing Game of Thrones. And second, I'm afraid to even do that! Every time I've tried to fix my life, something's thrown a wrench into my plans and screwed it all up!

NED: I heard about what happened yesterday. You seemed to do quite a good job at committing assault. You could become an underground fighter. They get lots of money.

LEIGH: I'm a lover, not a fighter! Plus, I can only do that under duress.

NED: Look, man. You just need to find your guardian angel. Everybody has one. Mine lets me be a lawyer while fulfilling my DDR addiction. Ooh, I know! How about I get a DDR machine installed in your apartment?

LEIGH: Ned, I can barely pay for groceries, plus, I am going to get evicted. A DDR machine is the last of my worries right now.

NED: That's a shame. I understand, though. I'll ask around and see if I can get you another job.

LEIGH: ...No. I can't. One of the things Maddie told me before she left me is that I rely on others too much. I came here for a fresh start, and I'm still doing it. I will fix this, no matter how badly life keeps throwing curveballs. I can do this!

NED: That's the spirit! You go out there, and you make something of yourself!

{Pause.}

NED: But I will bail you out if I have to.

{Cut to Leigh walking down the street, resume in hand.}

LEIGH: I can do this, I can do this!

{Pan to the other side of the road. Garfield is watching Leigh through a pair of binoculars.}

GARFIELD: There he is. I will make his life better, even if it kills me. But, I can't let him see me. Bewilder.

{Garfield assumes a sneaking position as he awkwardly walks around people on the street. He carries on looking at Leigh while following him from the other side of the road. He watches Leigh as he walks into a record shop. He scurries across the road and looks through the window. Leigh walks up to the counter and hands the cashier his resume before walking out. As Leigh is walking out, the cashier can clearly be seen putting the resume into the trash. As Leigh walks out of the store with a smile on his face, Garfield hides behind a road sign, looking completely conspicuous. Leigh does not notice. Leigh carries on walking down the street. Garfield follows him from a short distance before pulling his wallet out and throwing it over Leigh's head. Leigh looks bewildered as he picks the wallet up and looks around. In these few seconds, Garfield has somehow gotten on-top of the roof of a building and is looking down from above.}

LEIGH: Did anybody drop their wallet? Or somehow accidentally lob it for some reason?

{Leigh looks around.}

LEIGH: Anybody?

{Nobody answers.}

LEIGH: Huh. I should probably see who this belongs to.

{Leigh opens the wallet and finds that there's identification, but it's stuffed with cash.}

LEIGH: I should take this to the police; that's a lot of money to lose, gee.

{Suddenly, Garfield appears in front of Leigh, now dressed in a policeman disguise which is just as fake as Chaos and Lex's security guard disguises.}

GARFIELD: Ah, I see that you have found somebody's dropped wallet!

{Leigh hands the wallet to Garfield.}

LEIGH: That was convenient! Here you go, maybe you can find the owner!

{Garfield gives the wallet back to Leigh and laughs.}

GARFIELD: Hahaha! Don't be obtuse! I am a police officer, and I say that it is okay to take the money!

{Leigh squints his eyes at Garfield.}

LEIGH: Wait a minute...

GARFIELD: Uh-... It's also "Free Wallet Day." Where.. um.. the Mayor has people throw wallets full of cash at people. It's a community service, spanning back to... 1994.

{Leigh raises an eyebrow.}

LEIGH: Free Wallet Day? I'm confused.

GARFIELD: Don't be! Just enjoy the free money! Huzzah!

{Garfield quickly scoots around the corner. He spins around and is back in his normal clothing.}

GARFIELD: That was pretty heavy-handed. I think I need to change my tactics...