Difference between revisions of "The Bastard Goes to the Movies/Jinglealltheway"

Latest revision as of 12:59, 17 May 2016

yeaaaaaaaaaaah boi. arnold schwarzenegger is turbo man. part of civil war. great movie.

10/10. turbo man for marvel cimenatic universe - IGN

So it's May, it's time to celebrate Memorial Day with a capitalist holiday. Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a dad, young Anakin becomes a brat before becoming a podracer. An illegal one at that. Literally.

http://www.justjared.com/2015/06/21/jake-lloyd-podracing-jokes-go-viral-after-car-chase-arrest/

So yeah, this is great. I love how bad it is. Schwarzenegger is known for starring in some classic action movies like Conan the Barbarian, Terminator, Last Action Hero, Predator, Commando, um... The Last Stand. He's unbelievable. He is also a comedian, with films like Junior, True Lies, this movie, Last Action Hero, um... Around the World in 80 Days. I would tell you about his history, his maid, his life in California, but I would be here all day. I would just like to talk about his critically acclaimed smash hit, Jango Fett All the Way into My Dick.

Jake Lloyd is excited about podracing Turbo Man. Schwarzenegger gets the action figure for Black Friday, only to find out that they were sold out. Lloyd is disappointed, so Schwarzenegger finds a way to get the toy. He dresses up as Santa, and a shitstorm happens. The acting is over the top, as with the jokes. I can't help but find them so bad that I ended up laughing throughout, even for a family film. Yeah, this is one of those kids' movies that actually warrants this.

So Schwarzenegger goes to the parade only to dress as Marilyn Manso-er, I mean, Turbo Man, as he goes turbo. Go go Power Rangers. Lovely.

So yeah, going back, I actually loved it when as a kid, only because I used to think the humor was timeless. But as I grew older, the film didn't age well. Mind you, I think it's funny, but that's because it's bad. Like, really bad. The humor is basically crass and questionable, and the plot basically went over the place. I would grant this, the acting made up the movie, but it's still a mediocre mess.

But hey, I celebrated Memorial Day 2016 two weeks early, so you don't have to. And no, don't consider this a Christmas review.

JOIN ME IN THE NEXT REVIEW!

THANKS TO DANE FOR THE REQUEST

JINGLE ALL THE WAY IS OWNED BY 20TH CENTURY FOX

and no i won't do a review of the sequel, so fuck off