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Oblivion: The Depressing Chronicles of Little Stevie Rubbins

Day One: Imperial City

oh god where am I

where the fuck am i

i was just walking around the imperial city, looking for a place to sleep maybe a bite of food

now it's dark and i'm just so lost and cold and scared

everyone in this town is bipolar and i just want to go home ;_;

Day One: Still in Imperial City. Time: I don't even know anymore

I see the same faces wherever I go

The map tells me nothing

I have passed these buildings before, god knows how many times

why did i have to escape prison

why

damn you uriel septim

damn you to hell

First Night. Imperial City

It has started to rain

I am but a lonely, miserable pink-haired orc in a whole new world of unimaginable suffering and woe

i seek shelter under an archway near the gate into town

an imperial watchman gives me an empty stare

he knows

they all know

First Night: All Saint's Inn

my gods, there's been a miracle

there was an inn near the city gate all along

I eagerly walk in and ask for a room

the innkeeper sneers at me as i realize i have no coin

I calmly step outside and crawl into a ball, sobbing

nobody knows the pain of little stevie rubbins

Day Two: Imperial Lighthouse

I can hardly remember the night before

The most I can grasp is stumbling into the imperial lighthouse and just shoving a watchman off of his bed

he did nothing

he simply stood over me and stared as I drifted off to sleep

I awaken to a loud crash

Startled, I turn to my right to see an imperial guard standing on a bed, just... glaring down at me

I get up to witness a watchman sitting in a table

no literally, he's sticking through the fucking table

calmly sipping his drink like nothing's wrong

i-is that what i heard

I talk to him

"There isn't a problem, is there?" he says calmly, as if he doesn't even know

this damn town is mad

Day Three: Imperial Prison

i never should have fucking left skyrim

i just had to get mixed up with that moonsugar incident

i don't even know what i did this time

when i woke up, the only way out was locked

i had no choice but to pick the lock

all of my lockpicks were broken and when i stood up they were just standing there, grinning madly at me

"Well well, caught in the act and no coin to pay your fine! I'm confiscating your stolen goods and it's off to prison with you!"

it was the only way out

i literally had no choice

they were the ones who locked the doooh holy shit

they did it on purpose

that's why they let me spend a night

just so they could mock me the next morning

i begin to cry as they lead me to prison

i should have listened to mom

why didn't i become a doctor

Day Three: Still in the Imperial City

I'll never leave this damned place, so I'm making the most out of what I can

I've sold the little I have for 6 coin. I can only pray this is enough.

I talk to who I can, talk to keep my sanity in this neverending hell

I walk around in search of work

this horrifying elf woman suddenly appears, he skin gray and lifeless, her eyes a piercing blue

she was NOT a citizen, i could tell

she just wasn't

her voice is like a knife, disguised with a friendly tone

"Here, take this. It's from a friend."

she hands me a crumpled note and vanishes much as she appeared

mysteriously

nervously, I unfold the note and read

"I can offer you greater rewards and less time in prison. Come to the garden of Daraloth in the Imperial City's Waterfront District at midnight. Present this note and all shall be made clear. - The Gray Fox"

...what the fuck

I look up, as if expecting the elf woman to be there with an explanation

she isn't

fuck my life

Fourth Night: Garden of Daraloth

well, it's not like i have anything else to lose

turns out some dumb bastard thought i'd be good thief material

just because i got tossed into jail

over a huge misunderstanding

i tried to explain this all to the leader of the group but he seemed determined to just run his damn mouth

there were three of us, me, some dumbass lizard, and some smug bitch

he gave us a challenge

first to steal some old guy's diary and bring it back to him would be accepted into this thieves guild bullshit

whoop-de-doo

yeah, i left skyrim to stay out of trouble

...yet...

WHAT NO

NO

BAD STEVIE THIS IS NOT THE WAY

so what if they'll give you a warm place to sleep

and food

and money

you still have your HONOR

...fuck it, where's this diary again

Sixth Night: Garden of Daraloth

god i am so pathetic

no lockpicks, no coin, zero stealth

i honestly thought this would work out

...HOW THE FUCK DID I THINK THIS WOULD WORK OUT

long story short, that human bitch found the diary before me

tried to pickpocket it from her but she caught me

and like the true orc i was

i ran away like a little bitch

i just wanna kill myself

please

Sixth Night: Garden of Daraloth

so i guess this leader is either

A: a damn idiot

or

B: one sympathetic fucker

because he thought it was a good idea to give me another chance

he wants me to steal a sword from some redguard blacksmith chick

now that i actually have lockpicks, this shouldn't be so hard

i'll just sell a little more in the morning and try my luck at night

things are really looking up

y'know i'm feeling good

real good

think i'll treat myself to a night in an inn rather than some random bedroll

the boat 'n' float sounds nice

kinda touristy to be honest

but hey, a boat inn on the water

that is kinda cool to be honest

i rent a room

you're goin' places, stevie

'yer goin' places

Seventh Day: The Boat 'N' Float

damn i have not slept that well in ages, let me tell ya

i'll just hit the market and

wait a second

wait a fucking second

...the boat's moving

...why is the boat moving

...there is no reason the boat should be moving

...

fuck my life

just

just fuck it

Whateverth Day: Boat 'N' Float

yeah seriously fuck this shit

i must go now

my planet needs me

little stevie rubbins died on the way to his home planet

GTA: San Andreas: CJ's Wacky Adventure in The Land of Bunnies, Rainbows, and Drugs!!!

Day One: Some Steam chat

Emperor Lex: here dude have a san andreas

Emperor Lex has gifted you GTA: San Andreas

Badstar: okay cool

Day One: San Andreas

yo dawg, name's CJ or Carl or some shit, i don't give a fuck

imagine this man

just chillin' in my fly-ass crib in liberty city when my homie calls up all like

"MOM'S DEAD, YO"

"SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET"

so i'm back in my hometown

motherfuckin' san andreas, bitch

word

but get this man, just on my way in the cab when boom

asshole cop arrests me out of the fuckin' blue

i mean really

what the fuck

asshole takes my guns, my ride, all that shit

gotta steal some random fuckin' bike

then i say fuck that shit and boom

steal a car and i'm on my way

why does no one lock their doors anymore

seriously

Day One: San Andreas General Hospital

so turns out that sweet ride belonged to a rival family

what a crazy random happenstance

haha, but seriously

asshole shot fifty fuckin' holes in me

can't a man just steal a car anymore without any fucking hassle

i mean really

come the fuck on

Katawa Shoujo: The Kawaii Adventures of Carl Desu