(even if you aren't vegan)
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− | == | + | == Summary == |
+ | * Leigh has succeeded in having his job for essentially a week. | ||
+ | * Chaos pays the utility bill, giving Town Hall a promised "beating off." | ||
+ | * Noelle, Mayor Meier, and Dahn are each introduced. | ||
+ | * At some pointe in time, D'Arque acquires a selfie with Chaos. | ||
+ | * Lex and Garfield attempt a LARP, but are interrupted by a story. | ||
+ | * Spook Cliff is briefly revisited. | ||
+ | * Lex and Garfield get Chaos from the Police Station. | ||
== Transcript == | == Transcript == | ||
+ | ''{Cut to Leigh's apartment. It is 8:00 AM. Our intrepid Drow is shown communicating with his brother, vis-a-vis video chat on his laptop. At the same time, he is sitting on a couch near his bed. He appears to be cheerful. Next to his laptop, is a calendar. The day is circled with "One Week-Versary" written in crimson ink, as if with a marker. Otherwise, the room appears to be a lot neater than it was before.}'' | ||
− | '' | + | '''LEIGH:''' I did it, 'Din! One full week at work, and I didn't get even remotely close to being fired! |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Wow! I will admit, bro... when I got you that interview, I had absolutely no faith in you even getting that job. And to think you've kept it for about as long as your other jobs? I'm proud of you, man. Say, how has ol' Jacqui been treating you? |
− | '' | + | '''LEIGH:''' I don't want to sound ungrateful to her, but she is kind of... |
− | ''' | + | ''{Leigh appears to hesitate in what he's going to say next. He looks guilty for even thinking about it. Ned chuckles, which at least ostensibly lightens Leigh's mood.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''NED:''' She's a ''total bitch.'' Did you know that my peers resent having to represent her in court? She is a handful to them. |
− | ''' | + | '''LEIGH:''' Have ''you'' ever represented her? |
− | + | ''{Ned shakes his head.}'' | |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Nah. Kinda wish I could, though. She pays handsomely. |
− | '' | + | '''LEIGH:''' I'm just glad I have the job at all. I haven't even checked how much got put into my bank account yet! |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Oh man. Look at you. Out of the forests... |
− | '' | + | ''{Cut to Madelyn, in Michigan. She appears to be on a laptop of her own, shopping online for apartments in the Greater Townindale area. Cut back to Leigh.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Out of Santa's Grotto... |
− | ''' | + | ''{Cut to a glacier in the North Pole, with some houses in the background. There is a snowman in a suit, gazing upon the Aurora Borealis above. The camera zooms closer to the Aurora Borealis, and uses it to fade back into Leigh's apartment.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' In the big city... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Zoom out to show the size of Townindale, briefly. Then, cut back to Leigh.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' ...and having an office job! |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Cut to the cubicles at Rosenberg Industries. A few seconds are shown, of Gordon taking many calls. From the outside of his cubicle, is Jacqueline. She looks impressed by Gordon's productivity. Cut back to Leigh.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' You're coming close to catching up to me. I'm not sure if I should actually be proud, or worried that you'll surpass me. |
− | ''' | + | ''{Leigh laughs.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' But you know what I have that you still don't? |
− | ''' | + | '''LEIGH:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' What? |
− | '' | + | ''{Ned moves his screen to show that he has installed a second DDR machine, right next to his first one.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' TWO DDR MACHINES!!! |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Leigh laughs even harder.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEIGH:''' Just you wait, bro! I'm gonna get me a pinball machine, a foos-ball machine, and a big screen TV! It is gonna be ''awesome!'' |
− | '' | + | '''NED:''' You're gonna have to live in a bigger apartment for that, man. Your box is tiny. |
− | ''' | + | ''{Leigh looks to be brought back down to Earth. His head lowers.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''LEIGH:''' Okay, maybe I still have a bit further to go... |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' I should come by and visit sometime. We could hit the bar... or better yet, hit the arcade, just like old times! |
− | '' | + | ''{Leigh smiles, as if in a daydream state.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEIGH:''' Just like old times. |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Well, you keep being awesome. I've got to beat my highest score! |
− | '' | + | ''{Ned waves, as if to bid Leigh farewell.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''NED:''' Talk to you later, man! And, again, nice progress! |
− | ''' | + | '''LEIGH:''' Thanks, 'Din. |
− | ''' | + | '''NED:''' Anytime, 'Lay. |
− | ''' | + | ''{Ned logs off. Leigh gets up from his couch. He walks over to the window, looking out at the parking lot in the back of the Wigmaker's shop.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''LEIGH:''' I was going to have some awesome inner monologue about how I'm finally going places, but I really ''do'' need to find a better apartment, because this just isn't suitable at all. |
− | '' | + | ''{Cut to Lex/Garfield/Chaos, in their apartment having breakfast. Lex is guzzling down his cereal like there is no tomorrow. Garfield is drinking a glass of Naminade, which is glowing a suspicious blue. Chaos is in the kitchen, preparing chicken while singing to himself; to the tune of "Ignition Remix" by R. Kelly.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' This is the remix to Ignition,<br/> |
+ | Chaos is making chicken<br/> | ||
+ | Marinate it with sauces<br/> | ||
+ | and then Chaos is gonna be grilling!<br/> | ||
− | ''{ | + | ''{Lex takes a pause momentarily with his food, to put his head up and focus his attention on Chaos. Garfield gets up from his seat, and moves off-screen after finishing his drink.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Are you singing, mon? While makin' chicken for breakfast? |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Yeah? What's it to ya? |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Oh, it's nothin'. Just noticin'. |
− | ''{Garfield | + | ''{Garfield returns, while holding a copy of the newspaper. He begins reading from it.}'' |
− | '''GARFIELD:''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Say, did you guys hear about the old theatre from across the road? It’s apparently scheduled for a re-opening. |
− | '' | + | '''LEX:''' Oh, that's the D'Arque Theatre, isn't it? How old is it, now? |
− | '''GARFIELD:''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' About as old as the town itself, I believe. It’s been what, like... 40 or so years since it shut down originally? |
− | ''' | + | ''{Chaos rolls his eyes.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' No doubt it's due to that Xavier prick's election campaign. Can you imagine keeping the lease for that long without even knocking it down? It must’ve cost ‘em a fortune. |
− | '' | + | ''{Chaos becomes distracted by the telltale sound of the mailman haphazardly shoving letters through the mail slot.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''LEX:''' Oh!! It’s the mail! D’ya think my American comic books have arrived? I’ll get it! |
− | '' | + | ''{Lex rushes off to collect the mail. A variety of suspicious crashing and clanging noises are heard before he walks back, letters in his hand, looking more sullen than he did a few seconds before.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Argh, Whore of Babylon! The bastard bent it! |
− | '' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' ''Oh no.'' What would we do without the newest issue of "Nazis vs. Alien Space Babes?" |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Ey, mon. You shut your mouth! Jeff Lao’s work is brilliant. And it was in mint condition, too... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{As the two of them inaudibly bicker, Chaos sorts through the rest of the mail.}'' |
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Hang on, Lex. I thought you said we didn't get utility bills. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' We don’t. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Garfield turns over to Lex, confusedly.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' Do we? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Uhh... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Lex thinks back to the past. Scenes of him cutting up letters, stuffing them in the garbage disposal, and other acts of wanton destruction of government mail flash through his mind.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' No, I don’t think so. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos frowns at both of his housemates. He takes out a letter, reading it carefully.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' It says here that if we don’t pay, they’re going to shut off our power. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Pfft. Says who? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Town Hall. Wait. We have a Town Hall? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, it’s that big building in the Centre of the Historic District, with a distinct clocktower on top of it. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos blinks.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' You mean that’s ''not'' the Clock Museum? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Nah, you’re thinking of Rivergate. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' So... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos begins rifling through his pocket, then goes over to the kitchen counter. He gets out his wallet, and begins to check the contents of it.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' I have about $20.00 in my wallet. Do you think that’ll be enough to cover it? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Garfield rolls his eyes.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' Yare yare dawa. You know, I could probably cover it with my- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos waves a hand dismissively, at Garfield.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Pah. I came to this town to make money, not to spend it! I suggest we go down to Town Hall, and we fight! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Uh, what, mon? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Lex cocks a skeptical brow at Chaos.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Fight? It’s not the best idea to go into a government building guns blazing... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' What are you talking about? I just wanna talk to whoever’s in charge, that’s all! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos stands up from his chair, and walks over to the main hallway.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' What are you doing? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Why, my fellow, time is of the essence! I’m going to march all the way over to Town Hall right now, and give them a good old beating off! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Garfield, shown imbibing from a recently refilled glass of Naminade, widens his eyes. He does a spittake, a subtle smile forming around his face.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' Did you just say- | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' I’m going to go over there and get us justice. I’m going to take them from behind, and give them a reach around. Just watch me. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Lex coughs violently.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Uh... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' What? Was it something I said? Y'know what? Nevermind. While you two vegetate, I’ll be putting ourselves in the clear... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos walks over to the coat rack and puts on a tweed jacket. He additionally pulls a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}'' | ||
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' ...and I’ll do it with style. |
− | ''' | + | ''{Chaos opens the door, leaves, and then slams it behind him. Cut to Garfield and Lex, who gaze blankly at the door, wondering what just happened.}'' |
− | '''GARFIELD:''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Where did you find him? |
− | '' | + | '''LEX:''' Oh, we go back a long way, mon. I gave him a lift in my camper van after he dropped out of magic school- |
− | ''' | + | ''{Garfield blinks.}'' |
− | '''GARFIELD:''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Did you say "dropped out of magic school?" |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Lex looks at Garfield, in confusion.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Uh... ya, mon. |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Garfield joyfully ponders for a moment.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Is this a strange coincidence, or is Chaos like looking at a parallel version of myself...? |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Lex clears his throat.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' If you'll let me finish... we kinda became best friends after the lift! I've also helped him in his heists. |
− | '' | + | ''{Garfield raises an inquisitive brow, with a sarcastic expression on his face.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Heists? As in more than one? Were you always a criminal? |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Nay. It was his idea of a "fun time." |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Garfield's expression becomes more crestfallen.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Let us hope that he doesn't try projecting his idea of "fun" at us any time soon... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Cut to Chaos, making his way down Main Street. He is shown casually walking along, until he collides with somebody. He regains his composure, and addresses the stranger.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''????:''' Whoa, watch it, dude! |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Oh, shit man, I didn’t mean to- |
− | '' | + | ''{Chaos looks down to gaze upon the man he almost tripped over. This man is young and unkempt, wearing a neon yellow jacket and a green tiger print beanie hat. He appears to be sitting on the pavement, clutching a bowl with a few coins in it. Next to him is a small beatbox, playing a hypnotic-sounding dubstep song. Chaos awkwardly looks at this presumed beggar for a few seconds, before getting a sudden and startling feeling of good will.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' ...I am dreadfully sorry, sir. Please accept this money as an apology. |
− | '' | + | ''{Chaos pulls a random bill from his pocket, and puts it into the bowl.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''BEGGAR:''' Thanks, hombre. |
− | ''' | + | ''{Chaos shakes the man’s hand, as he walks away. When he is gone, the beggar stands up and pulls out a much larger bowl, filled with more cash. He puts the contents of the smaller bowl inside. He snickers to himself, as he dusts off. He then stands up and walks away, whistling a jovial tune. On a corner perpendicular to the one Chaos is walking away from, Xavier and Stephanie are seen exiting a building. While he looks ecstatic, she looks exhausted.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''XAVIER:''' What a great day! I have the full support of San Cristobal's government, and now I will have my sweet, sweet Hometownindale. We're making serious progress, Penelope. |
− | ''' | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' It's Step- Ugh, nevermind. |
− | ''{ | + | ''{The two turn into Main Street, until they run into the same beggar. He plays a similarly hypnotic dubstep song from his speakers, looking up at Xavier. His eyes twinkle, and a grin appears on his face.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''BEGGAR:''' Spare some change? |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Cut to Chaos in Town Square. At the end of Town Square is Town Hall: a somewhat large building from the early 1800s, built in an Early Federal style. On the top front of the building is a gigantic clock, with a bell on top. On the roof is a flagpole, which is flying the American flag. Chaos gazes at the top of the marble staircase, his eyes burning with the embers of passion and rage. Clutching the bill in his hand, he marches onwards, bursting through the doors with an uncanny vigor.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU PEOPLE AT TOWN HA- |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Chaos notices the receptionist, who is a young and attractive woman with blonde hair and pink streaks. He is immediately smitten by her, shown by his face becoming flushed. His foot catches on a piece of loose carpet, and he trips over. The receptionist stands up, and rushes to his side.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' Oh, dear! Are you alright? |
− | ''' | + | ''{Chaos looks picks himself up, and brushes himself off. He backs away from the receptionist, before attempting to regain his composure.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Haha, yeah, I'm fine, I just- Hey. I want to talk to the guy who's in charge here! |
− | '' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' You mean the Mayor? |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Yeah, that guy. |
− | '' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' Do you have an appointment? |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' A-what-what? |
− | '' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' An appointment? |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Ohh. One of those things. Shit. |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Chaos looks at the receptionist and furrows his brow, in an attempt to look sexy. He clears his throat and leans on a nearby pillar.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' I don't suppose you could give me an exception? |
− | ''{ | + | ''{The receptionist looks Chaos up and down.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' I can make a ''special'' exception for you. |
− | ''' | + | ''{The two lock eyes, as Chaos and the receptionist walk towards each other in a sensual manner. They also stare deeply at each other, leaning closer to fill the space between them. Romantic music begins to play, as Chaos puts his arms around her waist and the two are about to kiss. Suddenly, the music stops. The last few moments are revealed to be part of Chaos' imagination, as he is standing flushed after she asked him if she had an appointment.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' So? Do you have an appointment? |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' I-I-I don't, but... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{The receptionist looks on her computer. She smiles at Chaos.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' It appears that he's free right now, actually! Would you like to see him? |
− | '' | + | ''{Chaos regains his composure again.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Oh my gods, yes, please! Thank you so much! |
− | '' | + | ''{The receptionist motions to the nearby staircase.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''RECEPTIONIST:''' His office is at the end of the hallway. You can't miss it! I've sent him a message to alert him of your presence. |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Thank you... |
− | '' | + | ''{Short pause. Chaos walks towards the receptionist to read her nametag: "Noelle."}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' ...Noelle. |
− | ''' | + | ''{He quickly backs away once more, before looking at his surroundings.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' ...I really like what you guys have done with the place. |
− | ''{Garfield | + | ''{Chaos awkwardly salutes Noelle who chuckles before making his way upstairs. The hallway is silent save for his stomps and the distant sound of crowds downstairs. Chaos stops at the end of the hall. Inches from his face, "MAYOR" is emblazoned on the door. Chaos inhales. Slowly, he turns the door handle. An ominous, oppressive air escapes through the crack and whips across his face like tendrils from an ancient, unseen evil. A bead of sweat drips down Chaos' neck. Cut to Lex and Garfield, who, in Chaos' absence, have turned the apartment into a LARP-zone. The two are pointing cardboard swords at each other. Before they can say anything, however, a knock comes from the front door. Lex goes over to get it. Cut to show who is at the front door: Stephanie. Behind her, is Volkov.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' Long time, no see. |
− | '''LEX:''' | + | '''LEX:''' Is that Stephiroth? |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Stephanie blinks, then flushes with embarassment.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' I don't know what part of me decided Stephiroth to be my Wizard Name... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Stephanie regains her composure.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' ...but, yes. It is I. |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Stephanie does a dramatic bow.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Finally got a day off? |
− | ''' | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' Not exactly... |
− | ''{ | + | ''{Garfield raises a brow.}'' |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' Does this involve that long story you promised me, before forces conspired to make your lunch break shorter? |
− | ''' | + | ''{Stephanie awkwardly shuffles her feet, unsure of how to explain her situation.}'' |
'''STEPHANIE:''' ...where do I start? | '''STEPHANIE:''' ...where do I start? | ||
Line 267: | Line 350: | ||
'''STEPHANIE:''' Well... | '''STEPHANIE:''' Well... | ||
− | ''{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDnNF5cHCdo "The Reflex" by Duran Duran] is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of | + | ''{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDnNF5cHCdo "The Reflex" by Duran Duran] is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated, as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of it, you can hear giggles from an assortment of women.}'' |
'''STEPHANIE:''' Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR! | '''STEPHANIE:''' Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR! | ||
Line 283: | Line 366: | ||
'''XAVIER:''' Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund! | '''XAVIER:''' Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund! | ||
− | + | ''{Stephanie unflinchingly nods, then pulls out a checkbook from her pocket. She proceeds to write four checks, before handing them to each of the young women. Xavier emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a purple bathrobe. He waves the women goodbye, practically shoving them out of the suite.}'' | |
− | |||
− | ''{Stephanie pulls out a checkbook from her pocket | ||
'''XAVIER:''' Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger? | '''XAVIER:''' Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger? | ||
Line 295: | Line 376: | ||
''{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}'' | ''{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}'' | ||
− | '''STEPHANIE:''' Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there in thirty minutes. | + | '''STEPHANIE:''' Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there, in thirty minutes. |
'''XAVIER:''' Alright, alright. | '''XAVIER:''' Alright, alright. | ||
− | ''{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery as the camera follows him around the suite.}'' | + | ''{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery, as the camera follows him around the suite.}'' |
'''XAVIER:''' Aren't you excited, Penelope? | '''XAVIER:''' Aren't you excited, Penelope? | ||
Line 305: | Line 386: | ||
'''STEPHANIE:''' It's Stephanie. | '''STEPHANIE:''' It's Stephanie. | ||
− | '''XAVIER:''' | + | '''XAVIER:''' That's what I said! Aren't you excited? In just a week's time, I'm gonna be launching my bid for Senate, and all eyes will be on me! Isn't it invigorating to be in the presence of someone who is destined for such greatness? |
'''STEPHANIE:''' It's simply ''wonderful,'' sir. | '''STEPHANIE:''' It's simply ''wonderful,'' sir. | ||
Line 311: | Line 392: | ||
''{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}'' | ''{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}'' | ||
− | '''XAVIER:''' Damn fucking right, it is | + | '''XAVIER:''' Damn fucking right, it is! Xavier D'Arque, Republic Island Senator. Just imagine that. Fuck, no, let's go even further. Xavier D'Arque. President of the United States. |
'''STEPHANIE:''' Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early? | '''STEPHANIE:''' Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early? | ||
Line 341: | Line 422: | ||
'''STEPHANIE:''' Stephanie. | '''STEPHANIE:''' Stephanie. | ||
− | '''XAVIER:''' That's what I ''said.'' The D'Arque | + | '''XAVIER:''' That's what I ''said.'' The D'Arque family used to rule everything here; and when I'm finished, they'll be back on top. You are a very lucky woman. Now come on, let's see the Mayor. We can't let that fat bastard wait too long. |
''{Stephanie sighs.}'' | ''{Stephanie sighs.}'' | ||
Line 351: | Line 432: | ||
'''GARFIELD:''' No way. What a scumbag. | '''GARFIELD:''' No way. What a scumbag. | ||
− | ''{Garfield | + | ''{Garfield begins cracking his knuckles. His eyes begin glowing red. Lex begins moving back a bit.}'' |
'''GARFIELD:''' I'll kick his ass so hard, his entire family line will feel it! | '''GARFIELD:''' I'll kick his ass so hard, his entire family line will feel it! | ||
− | ''{Stephanie | + | ''{Stephanie goes over to grab his arm.}'' |
'''STEPHANIE:''' No! Do you know how much this job is worth? Please don't blow it! | '''STEPHANIE:''' No! Do you know how much this job is worth? Please don't blow it! | ||
− | '''GARFIELD:''' | + | ''{Garfield begins to tremble.}'' |
+ | |||
+ | '''VOLKOV:''' I am unsure what's going on, but... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Volkov enters the room, with Lex giving a firm nod to him.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''VOLKOV:''' Perhaps meditating near green tree in Spook Cliff might help? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Garfield looks to be struggling with something internally, before his eyes eventually stop glowing.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''STEPHANIE:''' I know how you feel. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' So, wait, ''are'' you two- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Stephanie shooshes Lex, then redirects her attention to Garfield. He looks to be in a trance of sorts.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' Spook Cliff. Sounds good. Hopefully, no blue-haired assholes attack me again. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Stephanie offers a hand to Garfield.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''STEPHANIE:''' I can drive us there. I don't think I've seen what you've done with the place. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Garfield pauses, before grabbing Stephanie's hand. The moment he does, he is dragged offscreen.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Come back soon! We've got to begin our LARP before Chaos gets back and ruins everythin'! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''VOLKOV:''' Correction, Lex! We should join him, maybe take LARP there instead! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Cut back to Chaos, who has entered the Mayor's office. To his surprise, the mayor - an incredibly old man - is sitting at his chair, fast asleep. He walks over and nudges the Mayor in the arm. No response. He then goes over to the bookshelf and realigns a book that was slightly out of place, looking at the Mayor while he does it. Suddenly the Mayor jerks awake.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' WAIT WHAT WHA WHA WAIT WHA…. what? Who are you? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' I’m here to settle a debt. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Mayor's eyes widen.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' You can tell the boss that I have been upholding my end up the bargain! Please, sir, have mercy! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos is taken aback by the Mayor's statement.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' What the hell are you talking about? I owe you ''money.'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Oh, um. I knew that. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Mayor rubs the back of his head.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Right. I know we probably owe a lot of money, but I'm here to request that you waive our debt. You see, we... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' You want me to waive your debt? I can't do that, even if I wanted to! Everything is on one of those new-fangled computers, nowadays. See? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Mayor turns his computer screen towards Chaos. It is an ancient machine, running on Windows 98, and the picture is the log-on screen.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' I've been Mayor of this town for over thirty years, and they still expect me to use all this new technology! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' That's Windows 98- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{A light bulb appears over Chaos' head, as a devilish smirk appears on his face.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' There's this magical button that allows you to bypass the system. Watch. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos presses the "Esc" button. The computer blue-screens. He now looks dumbfounded.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Oh. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Ah, you must be a computer expert! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Um. Yeah! I'm just... fixing the mainframe. All I have to do now is... um... reverse the polarity. Hold on. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos scoots over to where the Mayor is sitting, and looks under the desk. The computer is covered in cobwebs. Chaos presses the power button to turn the computer off, and then again to turn it back on. The Windows logo shows up on-screen before going back to the log-in screen. Chaos presses the "Esc" key again, reaching the desktop this time. The Mayor squints his eyes at the screen, but is clearly unable to see what's happening. Chaos sees an icon, titled "Utility Bills."}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' There it is! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos moves the cursor over to click on the icon, but suddenly a purple gorilla appears on-screen, blocking it. It opens it's mouth and a text bubble comes out, asking "Do you want to download free cursors?"}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' No, I just want to access the bills! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos tries to drag the gorilla out of the way, but the gorilla gets mad and pulls a mallet out of Hammerspace, smashing the icon for the utility bills; it is unable to be clicked. Chaos notices a second file, titled "Utility Bills - Backup," but the gorilla smashes that as well. He proceeds to smash all the icons on-screen pertaining to all of Town Hall's important data. Suddenly, the screen is covered by an assortment of pop-ups. Finally, the computer emits a bloodcurdling scream before bursting into flames.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' This is what I'm talking about, regarding technology! It's everywhere! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The mayor pulls out a 1980s-era cell phone.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' They even make me take calls on a phone without wires! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Uhhh... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' I can probably tell you what you owe, though. Hold on. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Mayor stands up from his chair and shuffles over to a filing cabinet, also covered in cobwebs. He opens one of the drawers.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' We live on 26807 Sunshine Avenue, above a pierogi bar. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Mayor scrolls through the files, and pulls one out. He blows the dust off of it and brings it over to the desk. He opens it and pulls out one of the pieces of paper, which is obviously out of date.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Ah, yes! According to this, you only owe Town Hall twenty dollars! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Twenty dollars? That’s it? Hah, that’s easy! Just let me... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos reaches into his pocket. The expression on his face turns into one of concern.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Um, hold on. Just let me... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos quickly reaches into his other pocket. Still nothing. Suddenly, Chaos hearkens back to an hour ago, when he gave a random bill of change to a beggar.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Oh. Crap. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Oh? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Do you mind waiting for a bit? I just need to get something. You can be Handel; I'll be Bach! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos rushes out of the Mayor's office. He hurries down the stairs and runs out of Town Hall. The receptionist calls after him.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''NOELLE:''' Did everything go alright? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkXHsK4AQPs "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath] plays as Chaos rushes down the Townindale streets, desperately trying to figure out his next move. He scans his surroundings, looking for the beggar that he gave money to. As he sprints, he scans the buildings he is running past. He passes by a rental store and an apothecary’s store, before finding a bank within a different sector of Downtownindale. Chaos skids to a halt, and darts to the entrance. He kicks the doors, swinging them open.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''TELLER:''' Hello, may we help- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{In the midst of the chaotic situation, Chaos inadvertently summons a physical thunderstorm within the confines of the building with his dormant magical abilities, complete with lightning and tornadoes. The teller stares at him, terrified internally. She presses the silent alarm button under her desk. Chaos wordlessly goes through his pockets, getting out his bank card. As soon as he has his bank card out, he hears sirens just outside the building. He spins around to see the cause of the commotion. Policemen burst in through the doors and point their guns at Chaos.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''POLICEMAN:''' Freeze! Drop your weapon! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos seizes up. He shakes a little and drops his card and wallet. Soon after, he collapses to the ground, completely motionless. The police chief, an older African-American gentleman, enters the scene with a stride.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Alright you mother- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Police Chief looks intensely confused by the goings-on of everything. Zoom outward, to reveal the only people inside this bank are: Chaos himself, the bank tellers, and the police officers. However, the inside thunderstorm manages to intensify even further.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' And what in Capitol Hill is going on here? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''TELLER:''' He’s trying to rob us! | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Chief laughs.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Rob you? With what? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Chief picks up Chaos’ wallet, and points it at the teller.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' This? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Teller flinches. The Chief drops the wallet.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Ah, you wouldn't know a bank robbery if it came up and bit you on the septum. Lemme tell you; you would not survive a day in my old city. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''TELLER:''' W-well, nobody ever comes in here... | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' And the mayor says he can’t give us the funding for better weapons... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Chief kneels down and prods Chaos, who whimpers a little.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Hey. Get up. We’re not gonna hurt ya. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos lifts his eyes.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' R-really? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos shakily stands up.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' So I’m- I’m not under arrest? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The chief scratches his chin.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Well, we've gotta take you down to the station anyway. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The Chief pulls out a pair of handcuffs, and Chaos lets out an anguished cry.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHIEF:''' Standard procedure. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Cut to Lex, Volkov, Stephanie, and Garfield at Spook Cliff, near a glowing green tree and surrounding graveyard.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''VOLKOV:''' Maybe Garfield found missing ring of mine! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''STEPHANIE:''' You left a ring here? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''VOLKOV:''' Unsure. I've visited graveyard before, but last time I blacked out from drink. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Lex wordlessly proceeds to take out a marijuana cigar, and proceeds to smoke it. He then looks around.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Garfield found a tree here, and he's called it a name I've forgotten. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' I called it "Taulragothna." I considered other names, but "Taulragothna" stuck out as being the best one. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Lex, Volkov, and Stephanie look around the area, while Garfield motions towards the glowing green tree. He sits down near it, closing his eyes. After a few seconds, Garfield himself begins glowing green. He looks to be fully restored to "normal," though the glow eventually wears off. He gets up, and walks back towards the other three. As Garfield approaches the group, Lex's phone begins to ring.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Hello? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{The screen shows the other end of the conversation to be the Police Chief from the bank. Then, the scene cuts to Garfield and Lex walking into the Police Station. Lex is eating chicken. The two talk to the Police Chief for a couple of seconds as he points to Chaos. They walk up to him.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' We heard ya ran into some trouble, mon. | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''GARFIELD:''' You caused a thunderstorm inside a bank. Are you some sort of Weather Wizard? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Ehhh, kinda? | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos scratches his head.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' I can't do magic very well, unless I'm stressed out. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos gives a dismissive expression.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' That's irrelevant, though. Say, do either of you have a spare $20.00? I still need to pay the utility bills! | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' Don't ya worry about that, mon. We talked to the receptionist at Town Hall- | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Chaos' eyes widen, looking starry-eyed.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''CHAOS:''' Ooh, what did she say, what did she say? | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''LEX:''' It turns out that their entire computer system crashed, erasing all bills in the city. | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{Cut to The Mayor, in his office. He is trying to figure out how to use his computer.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Let's see here... I'll press escape... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{He presses the escape key, and his computer goes to the desktop.}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Oh! I'm in. I wonder if I ''could'' delete the bills... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{A few keystrokes are made; a dialogue box appears on screen with the words "UTILITY BILLS DELETED."}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Yes! Now I'll just bring them back... | ||
+ | |||
+ | ''{More keystrokes are made, changing the dialogue box to "ALL BACKUPS DELETED."}'' | ||
+ | |||
+ | '''MAYOR:''' Noooooooo! | ||
− | '' | + | ''{Cut back to Lex, Chaos, and Garfield at the Police Station.}'' |
− | '' | + | '''LEX:''' We're in the clear now, brudda! |
− | ''' | + | '''CHAOS:''' But the Mayor said we owed $20.00... |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' We're good. He must've been mistaken. |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Huh. Can we go home now? I wanna- wait is that my chicken? |
− | ''' | + | '''LEX:''' Uhh.... |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' ''You fucker.'' |
− | ''' | + | '''GARFIELD:''' We could go on a taco crawl in Downtowningdale! I'm sure there's a cheesy movie we can enjoy, too! |
− | '' | + | '''CHAOS:''' Whoo, now that sounds like a good idea! Come on, guys! |
− | '' | + | ''{The screen fades to black, as the three of them walk out of the Station. End.}'' |
Latest revision as of 01:14, 28 June 2019
Summary
- Leigh has succeeded in having his job for essentially a week.
- Chaos pays the utility bill, giving Town Hall a promised "beating off."
- Noelle, Mayor Meier, and Dahn are each introduced.
- At some pointe in time, D'Arque acquires a selfie with Chaos.
- Lex and Garfield attempt a LARP, but are interrupted by a story.
- Spook Cliff is briefly revisited.
- Lex and Garfield get Chaos from the Police Station.
Transcript
{Cut to Leigh's apartment. It is 8:00 AM. Our intrepid Drow is shown communicating with his brother, vis-a-vis video chat on his laptop. At the same time, he is sitting on a couch near his bed. He appears to be cheerful. Next to his laptop, is a calendar. The day is circled with "One Week-Versary" written in crimson ink, as if with a marker. Otherwise, the room appears to be a lot neater than it was before.}
LEIGH: I did it, 'Din! One full week at work, and I didn't get even remotely close to being fired!
NED: Wow! I will admit, bro... when I got you that interview, I had absolutely no faith in you even getting that job. And to think you've kept it for about as long as your other jobs? I'm proud of you, man. Say, how has ol' Jacqui been treating you?
LEIGH: I don't want to sound ungrateful to her, but she is kind of...
{Leigh appears to hesitate in what he's going to say next. He looks guilty for even thinking about it. Ned chuckles, which at least ostensibly lightens Leigh's mood.}
NED: She's a total bitch. Did you know that my peers resent having to represent her in court? She is a handful to them.
LEIGH: Have you ever represented her?
{Ned shakes his head.}
NED: Nah. Kinda wish I could, though. She pays handsomely.
LEIGH: I'm just glad I have the job at all. I haven't even checked how much got put into my bank account yet!
NED: Oh man. Look at you. Out of the forests...
{Cut to Madelyn, in Michigan. She appears to be on a laptop of her own, shopping online for apartments in the Greater Townindale area. Cut back to Leigh.}
NED: Out of Santa's Grotto...
{Cut to a glacier in the North Pole, with some houses in the background. There is a snowman in a suit, gazing upon the Aurora Borealis above. The camera zooms closer to the Aurora Borealis, and uses it to fade back into Leigh's apartment.}
NED: In the big city...
{Zoom out to show the size of Townindale, briefly. Then, cut back to Leigh.}
NED: ...and having an office job!
{Cut to the cubicles at Rosenberg Industries. A few seconds are shown, of Gordon taking many calls. From the outside of his cubicle, is Jacqueline. She looks impressed by Gordon's productivity. Cut back to Leigh.}
NED: You're coming close to catching up to me. I'm not sure if I should actually be proud, or worried that you'll surpass me.
{Leigh laughs.}
NED: But you know what I have that you still don't?
LEIGH: {stifling laughter} What?
{Ned moves his screen to show that he has installed a second DDR machine, right next to his first one.}
NED: TWO DDR MACHINES!!!
{Leigh laughs even harder.}
LEIGH: Just you wait, bro! I'm gonna get me a pinball machine, a foos-ball machine, and a big screen TV! It is gonna be awesome!
NED: You're gonna have to live in a bigger apartment for that, man. Your box is tiny.
{Leigh looks to be brought back down to Earth. His head lowers.}
LEIGH: Okay, maybe I still have a bit further to go...
NED: I should come by and visit sometime. We could hit the bar... or better yet, hit the arcade, just like old times!
{Leigh smiles, as if in a daydream state.}
LEIGH: Just like old times.
NED: Well, you keep being awesome. I've got to beat my highest score!
{Ned waves, as if to bid Leigh farewell.}
NED: Talk to you later, man! And, again, nice progress!
LEIGH: Thanks, 'Din.
NED: Anytime, 'Lay.
{Ned logs off. Leigh gets up from his couch. He walks over to the window, looking out at the parking lot in the back of the Wigmaker's shop.}
LEIGH: I was going to have some awesome inner monologue about how I'm finally going places, but I really do need to find a better apartment, because this just isn't suitable at all.
{Cut to Lex/Garfield/Chaos, in their apartment having breakfast. Lex is guzzling down his cereal like there is no tomorrow. Garfield is drinking a glass of Naminade, which is glowing a suspicious blue. Chaos is in the kitchen, preparing chicken while singing to himself; to the tune of "Ignition Remix" by R. Kelly.}
CHAOS: This is the remix to Ignition,
Chaos is making chicken
Marinate it with sauces
and then Chaos is gonna be grilling!
{Lex takes a pause momentarily with his food, to put his head up and focus his attention on Chaos. Garfield gets up from his seat, and moves off-screen after finishing his drink.}
LEX: Are you singing, mon? While makin' chicken for breakfast?
CHAOS: Yeah? What's it to ya?
LEX: Oh, it's nothin'. Just noticin'.
{Garfield returns, while holding a copy of the newspaper. He begins reading from it.}
GARFIELD: Say, did you guys hear about the old theatre from across the road? It’s apparently scheduled for a re-opening.
LEX: Oh, that's the D'Arque Theatre, isn't it? How old is it, now?
GARFIELD: About as old as the town itself, I believe. It’s been what, like... 40 or so years since it shut down originally?
{Chaos rolls his eyes.}
CHAOS: No doubt it's due to that Xavier prick's election campaign. Can you imagine keeping the lease for that long without even knocking it down? It must’ve cost ‘em a fortune.
{Chaos becomes distracted by the telltale sound of the mailman haphazardly shoving letters through the mail slot.}
LEX: Oh!! It’s the mail! D’ya think my American comic books have arrived? I’ll get it!
{Lex rushes off to collect the mail. A variety of suspicious crashing and clanging noises are heard before he walks back, letters in his hand, looking more sullen than he did a few seconds before.}
LEX: Argh, Whore of Babylon! The bastard bent it!
GARFIELD: Oh no. What would we do without the newest issue of "Nazis vs. Alien Space Babes?"
LEX: Ey, mon. You shut your mouth! Jeff Lao’s work is brilliant. And it was in mint condition, too...
{As the two of them inaudibly bicker, Chaos sorts through the rest of the mail.}
CHAOS: Hang on, Lex. I thought you said we didn't get utility bills.
GARFIELD: We don’t.
{Garfield turns over to Lex, confusedly.}
GARFIELD: Do we?
LEX: Uhh...
{Lex thinks back to the past. Scenes of him cutting up letters, stuffing them in the garbage disposal, and other acts of wanton destruction of government mail flash through his mind.}
LEX: No, I don’t think so.
{Chaos frowns at both of his housemates. He takes out a letter, reading it carefully.}
CHAOS: It says here that if we don’t pay, they’re going to shut off our power.
LEX: Pfft. Says who?
CHAOS: Town Hall. Wait. We have a Town Hall?
GARFIELD: Yeah, it’s that big building in the Centre of the Historic District, with a distinct clocktower on top of it.
{Chaos blinks.}
CHAOS: You mean that’s not the Clock Museum?
LEX: Nah, you’re thinking of Rivergate.
CHAOS: So...
{Chaos begins rifling through his pocket, then goes over to the kitchen counter. He gets out his wallet, and begins to check the contents of it.}
CHAOS: I have about $20.00 in my wallet. Do you think that’ll be enough to cover it?
{Garfield rolls his eyes.}
GARFIELD: Yare yare dawa. You know, I could probably cover it with my-
{Chaos waves a hand dismissively, at Garfield.}
CHAOS: Pah. I came to this town to make money, not to spend it! I suggest we go down to Town Hall, and we fight!
LEX: Uh, what, mon?
{Lex cocks a skeptical brow at Chaos.}
LEX: Fight? It’s not the best idea to go into a government building guns blazing...
CHAOS: What are you talking about? I just wanna talk to whoever’s in charge, that’s all!
{Chaos stands up from his chair, and walks over to the main hallway.}
LEX: What are you doing?
CHAOS: Why, my fellow, time is of the essence! I’m going to march all the way over to Town Hall right now, and give them a good old beating off!
{Garfield, shown imbibing from a recently refilled glass of Naminade, widens his eyes. He does a spittake, a subtle smile forming around his face.}
GARFIELD: Did you just say-
CHAOS: I’m going to go over there and get us justice. I’m going to take them from behind, and give them a reach around. Just watch me.
{Lex coughs violently.}
LEX: Uh...
CHAOS: What? Was it something I said? Y'know what? Nevermind. While you two vegetate, I’ll be putting ourselves in the clear...
{Chaos walks over to the coat rack and puts on a tweed jacket. He additionally pulls a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}
CHAOS: ...and I’ll do it with style.
{Chaos opens the door, leaves, and then slams it behind him. Cut to Garfield and Lex, who gaze blankly at the door, wondering what just happened.}
GARFIELD: Where did you find him?
LEX: Oh, we go back a long way, mon. I gave him a lift in my camper van after he dropped out of magic school-
{Garfield blinks.}
GARFIELD: Did you say "dropped out of magic school?"
{Lex looks at Garfield, in confusion.}
LEX: Uh... ya, mon.
{Garfield joyfully ponders for a moment.}
GARFIELD: Is this a strange coincidence, or is Chaos like looking at a parallel version of myself...?
{Lex clears his throat.}
LEX: If you'll let me finish... we kinda became best friends after the lift! I've also helped him in his heists.
{Garfield raises an inquisitive brow, with a sarcastic expression on his face.}
GARFIELD: Heists? As in more than one? Were you always a criminal?
LEX: Nay. It was his idea of a "fun time."
{Garfield's expression becomes more crestfallen.}
GARFIELD: Let us hope that he doesn't try projecting his idea of "fun" at us any time soon...
{Cut to Chaos, making his way down Main Street. He is shown casually walking along, until he collides with somebody. He regains his composure, and addresses the stranger.}
????: Whoa, watch it, dude!
CHAOS: Oh, shit man, I didn’t mean to-
{Chaos looks down to gaze upon the man he almost tripped over. This man is young and unkempt, wearing a neon yellow jacket and a green tiger print beanie hat. He appears to be sitting on the pavement, clutching a bowl with a few coins in it. Next to him is a small beatbox, playing a hypnotic-sounding dubstep song. Chaos awkwardly looks at this presumed beggar for a few seconds, before getting a sudden and startling feeling of good will.}
CHAOS: ...I am dreadfully sorry, sir. Please accept this money as an apology.
{Chaos pulls a random bill from his pocket, and puts it into the bowl.}
BEGGAR: Thanks, hombre.
{Chaos shakes the man’s hand, as he walks away. When he is gone, the beggar stands up and pulls out a much larger bowl, filled with more cash. He puts the contents of the smaller bowl inside. He snickers to himself, as he dusts off. He then stands up and walks away, whistling a jovial tune. On a corner perpendicular to the one Chaos is walking away from, Xavier and Stephanie are seen exiting a building. While he looks ecstatic, she looks exhausted.}
XAVIER: What a great day! I have the full support of San Cristobal's government, and now I will have my sweet, sweet Hometownindale. We're making serious progress, Penelope.
STEPHANIE: It's Step- Ugh, nevermind.
{The two turn into Main Street, until they run into the same beggar. He plays a similarly hypnotic dubstep song from his speakers, looking up at Xavier. His eyes twinkle, and a grin appears on his face.}
BEGGAR: Spare some change?
{Cut to Chaos in Town Square. At the end of Town Square is Town Hall: a somewhat large building from the early 1800s, built in an Early Federal style. On the top front of the building is a gigantic clock, with a bell on top. On the roof is a flagpole, which is flying the American flag. Chaos gazes at the top of the marble staircase, his eyes burning with the embers of passion and rage. Clutching the bill in his hand, he marches onwards, bursting through the doors with an uncanny vigor.}
CHAOS: EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU PEOPLE AT TOWN HA-
{Chaos notices the receptionist, who is a young and attractive woman with blonde hair and pink streaks. He is immediately smitten by her, shown by his face becoming flushed. His foot catches on a piece of loose carpet, and he trips over. The receptionist stands up, and rushes to his side.}
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, dear! Are you alright?
{Chaos looks picks himself up, and brushes himself off. He backs away from the receptionist, before attempting to regain his composure.}
CHAOS: Haha, yeah, I'm fine, I just- Hey. I want to talk to the guy who's in charge here!
RECEPTIONIST: You mean the Mayor?
CHAOS: Yeah, that guy.
RECEPTIONIST: Do you have an appointment?
CHAOS: A-what-what?
RECEPTIONIST: An appointment?
CHAOS: Ohh. One of those things. Shit.
{Chaos looks at the receptionist and furrows his brow, in an attempt to look sexy. He clears his throat and leans on a nearby pillar.}
CHAOS: I don't suppose you could give me an exception?
{The receptionist looks Chaos up and down.}
RECEPTIONIST: I can make a special exception for you.
{The two lock eyes, as Chaos and the receptionist walk towards each other in a sensual manner. They also stare deeply at each other, leaning closer to fill the space between them. Romantic music begins to play, as Chaos puts his arms around her waist and the two are about to kiss. Suddenly, the music stops. The last few moments are revealed to be part of Chaos' imagination, as he is standing flushed after she asked him if she had an appointment.}
RECEPTIONIST: So? Do you have an appointment?
CHAOS: I-I-I don't, but...
{The receptionist looks on her computer. She smiles at Chaos.}
RECEPTIONIST: It appears that he's free right now, actually! Would you like to see him?
{Chaos regains his composure again.}
CHAOS: Oh my gods, yes, please! Thank you so much!
{The receptionist motions to the nearby staircase.}
RECEPTIONIST: His office is at the end of the hallway. You can't miss it! I've sent him a message to alert him of your presence.
CHAOS: Thank you...
{Short pause. Chaos walks towards the receptionist to read her nametag: "Noelle."}
CHAOS: ...Noelle.
{He quickly backs away once more, before looking at his surroundings.}
CHAOS: ...I really like what you guys have done with the place.
{Chaos awkwardly salutes Noelle who chuckles before making his way upstairs. The hallway is silent save for his stomps and the distant sound of crowds downstairs. Chaos stops at the end of the hall. Inches from his face, "MAYOR" is emblazoned on the door. Chaos inhales. Slowly, he turns the door handle. An ominous, oppressive air escapes through the crack and whips across his face like tendrils from an ancient, unseen evil. A bead of sweat drips down Chaos' neck. Cut to Lex and Garfield, who, in Chaos' absence, have turned the apartment into a LARP-zone. The two are pointing cardboard swords at each other. Before they can say anything, however, a knock comes from the front door. Lex goes over to get it. Cut to show who is at the front door: Stephanie. Behind her, is Volkov.}
STEPHANIE: Long time, no see.
LEX: Is that Stephiroth?
{Stephanie blinks, then flushes with embarassment.}
STEPHANIE: I don't know what part of me decided Stephiroth to be my Wizard Name...
{Stephanie regains her composure.}
STEPHANIE: ...but, yes. It is I.
{Stephanie does a dramatic bow.}
GARFIELD: Finally got a day off?
STEPHANIE: Not exactly...
{Garfield raises a brow.}
GARFIELD: Does this involve that long story you promised me, before forces conspired to make your lunch break shorter?
{Stephanie awkwardly shuffles her feet, unsure of how to explain her situation.}
STEPHANIE: ...where do I start?
GARFIELD: Logically, from the beginning.
STEPHANIE: Well...
{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, "The Reflex" by Duran Duran is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated, as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of it, you can hear giggles from an assortment of women.}
STEPHANIE: Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR!
{No response. Stephanie knocks even harder.}
STEPHANIE: You don't want to keep him waiting! You need his support!
{Xavier D'Arque finally responds from the other side.}
XAVIER: Ugh, you always ruin the fun! Fine! Time for you all to go, ladies.
{Stephanie rolls her eyes. The door open as four young women, barely eighteen years old and scantily clad, run out while giggling and snickering.}
XAVIER: Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund!
{Stephanie unflinchingly nods, then pulls out a checkbook from her pocket. She proceeds to write four checks, before handing them to each of the young women. Xavier emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a purple bathrobe. He waves the women goodbye, practically shoving them out of the suite.}
XAVIER: Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger?
STEPHANIE: No, you're just getting older.
XAVIER: Well, you know what they say. If you can still use it, you can still abuse it!
{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}
STEPHANIE: Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there, in thirty minutes.
XAVIER: Alright, alright.
{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery, as the camera follows him around the suite.}
XAVIER: Aren't you excited, Penelope?
STEPHANIE: It's Stephanie.
XAVIER: That's what I said! Aren't you excited? In just a week's time, I'm gonna be launching my bid for Senate, and all eyes will be on me! Isn't it invigorating to be in the presence of someone who is destined for such greatness?
STEPHANIE: It's simply wonderful, sir.
{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}
XAVIER: Damn fucking right, it is! Xavier D'Arque, Republic Island Senator. Just imagine that. Fuck, no, let's go even further. Xavier D'Arque. President of the United States.
STEPHANIE: Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early?
XAVIER: No such thing as too high, babe.
{Xavier sprays himself with cologne all over his body.}
XAVIER: Say, how old are you again?
STEPHANIE: I'm 24.
XAVIER: And are you married yet? Hell, are you even seeing anybody? I don't think I've ever seen you with a man.
STEPHANIE: ...no? But I don't know how this is relevant to-
{Xavier grabs a shirt and tie from his closet and puts them on.}
XAVIER: Jesus H. Christ, you need to get hitched soon! You ain't gettin' any younger, babe. Your biological clock is a ticking time bomb. You gotta get yourself a guy and have children while you still can. You know, if I weren't your boss, I would almost consider break my nineteen-and-under rule. But you know, that would be unprofessional. Plus, I respect you too much.
STEPHANIE: Gee. I am humbled.
XAVIER: Hey, I know plenty of good and rich men who would love a girl like you. You're a little too smart for them, but I think if you kept your mouth shut, you'd be alright. Oh yeah, speaking of all this shit; call my wife and kids. I want them to appear at the announcement ceremony next week. I gotta make a good image for the cameras.
{After putting his shoes and socks on, Xavier is finally dressed. He looks outside of the window, overlooking the entirety of Downtown San Cristobal.}
XAVIER: In just eight months, all of this is gonna be mine. You're witnessing history in the making, Penelope.
STEPHANIE: Stephanie.
XAVIER: That's what I said. The D'Arque family used to rule everything here; and when I'm finished, they'll be back on top. You are a very lucky woman. Now come on, let's see the Mayor. We can't let that fat bastard wait too long.
{Stephanie sighs.}
STEPHANIE: Right, sir.
{Cut back to the present.}
GARFIELD: No way. What a scumbag.
{Garfield begins cracking his knuckles. His eyes begin glowing red. Lex begins moving back a bit.}
GARFIELD: I'll kick his ass so hard, his entire family line will feel it!
{Stephanie goes over to grab his arm.}
STEPHANIE: No! Do you know how much this job is worth? Please don't blow it!
{Garfield begins to tremble.}
VOLKOV: I am unsure what's going on, but...
{Volkov enters the room, with Lex giving a firm nod to him.}
VOLKOV: Perhaps meditating near green tree in Spook Cliff might help?
{Garfield looks to be struggling with something internally, before his eyes eventually stop glowing.}
STEPHANIE: I know how you feel.
LEX: So, wait, are you two-
{Stephanie shooshes Lex, then redirects her attention to Garfield. He looks to be in a trance of sorts.}
GARFIELD: Spook Cliff. Sounds good. Hopefully, no blue-haired assholes attack me again.
{Stephanie offers a hand to Garfield.}
STEPHANIE: I can drive us there. I don't think I've seen what you've done with the place.
{Garfield pauses, before grabbing Stephanie's hand. The moment he does, he is dragged offscreen.}
LEX: Come back soon! We've got to begin our LARP before Chaos gets back and ruins everythin'!
VOLKOV: Correction, Lex! We should join him, maybe take LARP there instead!
{Cut back to Chaos, who has entered the Mayor's office. To his surprise, the mayor - an incredibly old man - is sitting at his chair, fast asleep. He walks over and nudges the Mayor in the arm. No response. He then goes over to the bookshelf and realigns a book that was slightly out of place, looking at the Mayor while he does it. Suddenly the Mayor jerks awake.}
MAYOR: WAIT WHAT WHA WHA WAIT WHA…. what? Who are you?
CHAOS: I’m here to settle a debt.
{The Mayor's eyes widen.}
MAYOR: You can tell the boss that I have been upholding my end up the bargain! Please, sir, have mercy!
{Chaos is taken aback by the Mayor's statement.}
CHAOS: What the hell are you talking about? I owe you money.
MAYOR: Oh, um. I knew that.
{The Mayor rubs the back of his head.}
CHAOS: Right. I know we probably owe a lot of money, but I'm here to request that you waive our debt. You see, we...
MAYOR: You want me to waive your debt? I can't do that, even if I wanted to! Everything is on one of those new-fangled computers, nowadays. See?
{The Mayor turns his computer screen towards Chaos. It is an ancient machine, running on Windows 98, and the picture is the log-on screen.}
MAYOR: I've been Mayor of this town for over thirty years, and they still expect me to use all this new technology!
CHAOS: That's Windows 98-
{A light bulb appears over Chaos' head, as a devilish smirk appears on his face.}
CHAOS: There's this magical button that allows you to bypass the system. Watch.
{Chaos presses the "Esc" button. The computer blue-screens. He now looks dumbfounded.}
CHAOS: Oh.
MAYOR: Ah, you must be a computer expert!
CHAOS: Um. Yeah! I'm just... fixing the mainframe. All I have to do now is... um... reverse the polarity. Hold on.
{Chaos scoots over to where the Mayor is sitting, and looks under the desk. The computer is covered in cobwebs. Chaos presses the power button to turn the computer off, and then again to turn it back on. The Windows logo shows up on-screen before going back to the log-in screen. Chaos presses the "Esc" key again, reaching the desktop this time. The Mayor squints his eyes at the screen, but is clearly unable to see what's happening. Chaos sees an icon, titled "Utility Bills."}
CHAOS: There it is!
{Chaos moves the cursor over to click on the icon, but suddenly a purple gorilla appears on-screen, blocking it. It opens it's mouth and a text bubble comes out, asking "Do you want to download free cursors?"}
CHAOS: No, I just want to access the bills!
{Chaos tries to drag the gorilla out of the way, but the gorilla gets mad and pulls a mallet out of Hammerspace, smashing the icon for the utility bills; it is unable to be clicked. Chaos notices a second file, titled "Utility Bills - Backup," but the gorilla smashes that as well. He proceeds to smash all the icons on-screen pertaining to all of Town Hall's important data. Suddenly, the screen is covered by an assortment of pop-ups. Finally, the computer emits a bloodcurdling scream before bursting into flames.}
MAYOR: This is what I'm talking about, regarding technology! It's everywhere!
{The mayor pulls out a 1980s-era cell phone.}
MAYOR: They even make me take calls on a phone without wires!
CHAOS: Uhhh...
MAYOR: I can probably tell you what you owe, though. Hold on.
{The Mayor stands up from his chair and shuffles over to a filing cabinet, also covered in cobwebs. He opens one of the drawers.}
CHAOS: We live on 26807 Sunshine Avenue, above a pierogi bar.
{The Mayor scrolls through the files, and pulls one out. He blows the dust off of it and brings it over to the desk. He opens it and pulls out one of the pieces of paper, which is obviously out of date.}
MAYOR: Ah, yes! According to this, you only owe Town Hall twenty dollars!
CHAOS: Twenty dollars? That’s it? Hah, that’s easy! Just let me...
{Chaos reaches into his pocket. The expression on his face turns into one of concern.}
CHAOS: Um, hold on. Just let me...
{Chaos quickly reaches into his other pocket. Still nothing. Suddenly, Chaos hearkens back to an hour ago, when he gave a random bill of change to a beggar.}
CHAOS: Oh. Crap.
MAYOR: Oh?
CHAOS: Do you mind waiting for a bit? I just need to get something. You can be Handel; I'll be Bach!
{Chaos rushes out of the Mayor's office. He hurries down the stairs and runs out of Town Hall. The receptionist calls after him.}
NOELLE: Did everything go alright?
{"Paranoid" by Black Sabbath plays as Chaos rushes down the Townindale streets, desperately trying to figure out his next move. He scans his surroundings, looking for the beggar that he gave money to. As he sprints, he scans the buildings he is running past. He passes by a rental store and an apothecary’s store, before finding a bank within a different sector of Downtownindale. Chaos skids to a halt, and darts to the entrance. He kicks the doors, swinging them open.}
TELLER: Hello, may we help-
{In the midst of the chaotic situation, Chaos inadvertently summons a physical thunderstorm within the confines of the building with his dormant magical abilities, complete with lightning and tornadoes. The teller stares at him, terrified internally. She presses the silent alarm button under her desk. Chaos wordlessly goes through his pockets, getting out his bank card. As soon as he has his bank card out, he hears sirens just outside the building. He spins around to see the cause of the commotion. Policemen burst in through the doors and point their guns at Chaos.}
POLICEMAN: Freeze! Drop your weapon!
{Chaos seizes up. He shakes a little and drops his card and wallet. Soon after, he collapses to the ground, completely motionless. The police chief, an older African-American gentleman, enters the scene with a stride.}
CHIEF: Alright you mother-
{The Police Chief looks intensely confused by the goings-on of everything. Zoom outward, to reveal the only people inside this bank are: Chaos himself, the bank tellers, and the police officers. However, the inside thunderstorm manages to intensify even further.}
CHIEF: And what in Capitol Hill is going on here?
TELLER: He’s trying to rob us!
{The Chief laughs.}
CHIEF: Rob you? With what?
{The Chief picks up Chaos’ wallet, and points it at the teller.}
CHIEF: This?
{The Teller flinches. The Chief drops the wallet.}
CHIEF: Ah, you wouldn't know a bank robbery if it came up and bit you on the septum. Lemme tell you; you would not survive a day in my old city.
TELLER: W-well, nobody ever comes in here...
CHIEF: And the mayor says he can’t give us the funding for better weapons...
{The Chief kneels down and prods Chaos, who whimpers a little.}
CHIEF: Hey. Get up. We’re not gonna hurt ya.
{Chaos lifts his eyes.}
CHAOS: R-really?
{Chaos shakily stands up.}
CHAOS: So I’m- I’m not under arrest?
{The chief scratches his chin.}
CHIEF: Well, we've gotta take you down to the station anyway.
{The Chief pulls out a pair of handcuffs, and Chaos lets out an anguished cry.}
CHIEF: Standard procedure.
{Cut to Lex, Volkov, Stephanie, and Garfield at Spook Cliff, near a glowing green tree and surrounding graveyard.}
VOLKOV: Maybe Garfield found missing ring of mine!
STEPHANIE: You left a ring here?
VOLKOV: Unsure. I've visited graveyard before, but last time I blacked out from drink.
{Lex wordlessly proceeds to take out a marijuana cigar, and proceeds to smoke it. He then looks around.}
LEX: Garfield found a tree here, and he's called it a name I've forgotten.
GARFIELD: I called it "Taulragothna." I considered other names, but "Taulragothna" stuck out as being the best one.
{Lex, Volkov, and Stephanie look around the area, while Garfield motions towards the glowing green tree. He sits down near it, closing his eyes. After a few seconds, Garfield himself begins glowing green. He looks to be fully restored to "normal," though the glow eventually wears off. He gets up, and walks back towards the other three. As Garfield approaches the group, Lex's phone begins to ring.}
LEX: Hello?
{The screen shows the other end of the conversation to be the Police Chief from the bank. Then, the scene cuts to Garfield and Lex walking into the Police Station. Lex is eating chicken. The two talk to the Police Chief for a couple of seconds as he points to Chaos. They walk up to him.}
LEX: We heard ya ran into some trouble, mon.
GARFIELD: You caused a thunderstorm inside a bank. Are you some sort of Weather Wizard?
CHAOS: Ehhh, kinda?
{Chaos scratches his head.}
CHAOS: I can't do magic very well, unless I'm stressed out.
{Chaos gives a dismissive expression.}
CHAOS: That's irrelevant, though. Say, do either of you have a spare $20.00? I still need to pay the utility bills!
LEX: Don't ya worry about that, mon. We talked to the receptionist at Town Hall-
{Chaos' eyes widen, looking starry-eyed.}
CHAOS: Ooh, what did she say, what did she say?
LEX: It turns out that their entire computer system crashed, erasing all bills in the city.
{Cut to The Mayor, in his office. He is trying to figure out how to use his computer.}
MAYOR: Let's see here... I'll press escape...
{He presses the escape key, and his computer goes to the desktop.}
MAYOR: Oh! I'm in. I wonder if I could delete the bills...
{A few keystrokes are made; a dialogue box appears on screen with the words "UTILITY BILLS DELETED."}
MAYOR: Yes! Now I'll just bring them back...
{More keystrokes are made, changing the dialogue box to "ALL BACKUPS DELETED."}
MAYOR: Noooooooo!
{Cut back to Lex, Chaos, and Garfield at the Police Station.}
LEX: We're in the clear now, brudda!
CHAOS: But the Mayor said we owed $20.00...
GARFIELD: We're good. He must've been mistaken.
CHAOS: Huh. Can we go home now? I wanna- wait is that my chicken?
LEX: Uhh....
CHAOS: You fucker.
GARFIELD: We could go on a taco crawl in Downtowningdale! I'm sure there's a cheesy movie we can enjoy, too!
CHAOS: Whoo, now that sounds like a good idea! Come on, guys!
{The screen fades to black, as the three of them walk out of the Station. End.}