Difference between revisions of "Wikihood/eps/7"

Revision as of 00:30, 14 May 2018

Summary

Instead of returning to crime, Chaos gets the bright idea of getting a job. He hates it.

Transcript

{Open to Chaos watching television on the living room couch at noon during a weekday, with his feet resting on the bag of ski essentials that he bought in Episode 4. Lex and Garfield are at work. Chaos is alone, and he is bored and irritable. He sighs. He flicks through the television channels, commenting on each one. Each channel shows archetypically mundane daytime television, from house redecoration and cooking shows to golf.}

CHAOS: Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

{Chaos carries on flicking through the channels. He lands on an international news channel. A dwarven gentleman with a posh English accent and a well-tailored suit is presenting in front of giant globe. The globe looks similar to the one we have in real life, but close inspection shows the presence of several more islands and an extra continent in the South Pacific Ocean.}

THROVIN IRONBROW: My name is Throvin Ironbrow and you are watching CBB News International. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has considered the possibility of nuclear disarmament after re-establishing diplomatic relations with the human domain. In a joint statement with President Nithea Valodue of South Syllahona, the illusive Supreme Leader, Eltaor Joven-Yun has agreed to engage in talks with the United Nations.

CHAOS: Oh joy. Politics.

THROVIN IRONBROW: Despite a long history of hostility towards the human domain, North Syllahona has famously maintained diplomatic relations with the Republic of Pulau Syurga, which is located in South East-Asia, even enjoying diplomatic visits from its leader, General Agostino Torratz. Some speculate that Torratz could play a part in peace talks between the human domain and the Elven Republic, while others fear that his long history of human rights abuses may complicate the issue further, as-

{Chaos turns the television off. He lifts his arms to stretch and he yawns.}

CHAOS: Bored. Ugh, is there ANYTHING to do?

{A vision of Garfield appears in Chaos' mind.}

GARFIELD: You could always get a job. You've been here for long enough, now it's time to pull your own weight.

{A vision of Lex also appears.}

LEX: Ya, mon. Quit bein' such a freeloader and get your ass off the couch! Get a job, mon!

CHAOS: Shut up! You two aren't even real! You're the manifestations of my guilt!

{The visions disappear. A new vision appears of an elderly man in exquisite battle robes, long dark-grey hair, and a black beard. Despite his advanced age, the man is significantly physically fit, with a presence that is particularly intimidating and legendary. The man roars at Chaos.}

????: FELIX!!!

CHAOS: Don't you even bother. I am not doing this today, not ever.

{That vision also vanishes.}

CHAOS: Ugh. Maybe it is time to get a job.

{Chaos looks at the bag of ski essentials.}

CHAOS: Or at least something temporary... until I can really make some good money. Yeah!

{Zoom in on Chaos' face.}

CHAOS: It's time to go JOB HUNTING.

{Zoom out to reveal more of the apartment complex that Chaos is exiting from. In the pierogi shoppe below, Leigh and Gordon come into the scene.}

GORDON: I swear, Leigh. There's this lad who makes some of the finest pierogis I've ever 'ad!

{Leigh looks around.}

LEIGH: Gonna keep it real with you chief, I am not really in the "pierogi" mood.

{Volkov enters with a fresh tray of pierogis.}

VOLKOV: DID SOMEONE SAY NOT IN THE PIEROGI MOOD?!

{Volkov throws a pierogi into Leigh's mouth.}

VOLKOV: Your day not begin until you've had my pierogies!

{Leigh begins nervously chewing on the pierogi. He proceeds to chew a little more confidently once he realizes it tastes good. He swallows, not long after.}

LEIGH: Wow, these pierogis are good!

GORDON: I told you, lad! I told you these pierogies are amazin'!

{Leigh proceeds to have more pierogis. Gordon follows suit, not long after. Cut to Garfield at Surreal Cereals, with Tracy having identified him. Garfield moves closely to Tracy.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} I'm here to deliver a resume to your head honcho.

{Tracy looks around.}

TRACY: I thought things at NoxCorp were swimmingly well?

{Garfield shakes his head.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} Not for me. For Chaos.

{Garfield gives a sheet of paper to Tracy.}

TRACY: I, uh, will give his number a call.

{Garfield smiles, giving Tracy a thumbs-up.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} Thanks. I hear he's a Wizard so I figured he might want some help fitting into Towningdale. Know any other fine establishments with Wizards in them?

TRACY: Why are you whispering?

{Garfield points at a crowd of hipsters that are eyeing him as he's talking to Tracy.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} I'm being watched.

TRACY: Mate, they're harmless.

{Garfield closes his eyes.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} That's what you said last time.

TRACY: I appreciate you giving me a new contact.

GARFIELD: {whispering} Do you still have the Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Deluxe cereal? I'd like it with a Pepsi, if at all possibru.

{Tracy goes over the stock of cereals.}

TRACY: We have it.

{Garfield slips Tracy a $20.}

GARFIELD: {whispering} How big are your mason jars and how big are your Pepsi cups?

{Garfield slips Tracy a second $20.}

TRACY: You sound like you're coming in here with criminal intent.

GARFIELD: {whispering} No. I have yet to shave my entire body, put on a white dress, dye my hair blonde, and find the right pair of thigh-highs and Timbs from Nooyawk to go with-

{Tracy's face whitens.}

'GARFIELD: {whispering} What?

TRACY: Let's discuss this in a booth, shall we?

{Tracy gets Garfield the items he requested, and they head toward a booth.}