https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Wiki_TV%2FBadstarWiki TV/Badstar - Revision history2026-04-03T22:58:40ZRevision history for this page on the wikiMediaWiki 1.28.2https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?title=Wiki_TV/Badstar&diff=123068&oldid=prevPoodlemuffin at 23:32, 9 March 20092009-03-09T23:32:45Z<p></p>
<p><b>New page</b></p><div>''{Open: A black screen. Words appear that say "5 months ago, a film maker namend Dave Unordka went missing in the Gekian mountains in search of the Red-footed Nerdback. This footage was found."}''<br />
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''{Cut: Dave is in front of a cave on top of a tall mountain}''<br />
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'''DAVE:''' Hello. I am Dave Unordka and I am here at the Gekian mountains in search of the legendary nerdback. This is said to be his lair. Lets venture in, shall we?<br />
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''{Static. Cut: Dave is wandering through a dark cave.}''<br />
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'''DAVE:''' Okay, so here we- ...whats this? ''{Picks up... a retainer}'' Oh, gross! ''{Tosses retainer over shoulder. Hears snorting}'' That could be the sound of the Nerdback! Lets go film this magical, beautiful, creature! ''{Walks deeper into the cave. Stops. Sees a hairy gorrila/man type creature}'' Oh my god... there it is! Its so magical! So mythical! So-<br />
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''{The creature stands up and turns around to reveal its face. Its wearing glasses and has a lot of acne}''<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' Salutations, visitor! ''{Snort}''<br />
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'''DAVE:''' ...O-oh... oh god.<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' I don't get many visitors! Come on! I'll give you a tour!<br />
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''{Static. Cut: The Nerdback's room}''<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' Heres my room! Isn't it great? What do you think of my comic collection?<br />
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'''DAVE:''' Um... very nice... ''{Reaches to touch the collection}''<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' ''{Starts hyper-ventilating}'' THOSE ARE IN MINT CONDITION!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU LAID A SINGLE HAND ON THOSE!?<br />
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'''DAVE:''' GYAH! S-sorry!<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' Now come take a look at my action figures!<br />
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'''DAVE:''' ...Er, very nice do-<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' ACTION FIGURES YOU MORON!!! ...Now lets play Dungeons And Dragons! I call mage!<br />
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''{An hour later...}''<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' I WIN!!! HAHA, LOSER! ''{Snort}''<br />
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'''DAVE:''' Yeah, I'm just gonna go no-<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' NOOOOOO!!! WE MUST WATCH THE ALL EPISODE MARATHON OF STAR TREK<br />
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''{Two days later}''<br />
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''{Dave is now a skull nothing more.}''<br />
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'''NERDBACK:''' I always lose friends that way...<br />
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''{Static. End of tape.}''<br />
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----<br />
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I know these sound contradictory, but it's too long and the pacing is too fast. Try to focus on a shorter segment, but flesh it out more. You don't even need the intro, it could be<br />
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'''ANNOUNCER:''' Dave has been lured into a cave with promise of tasty snacks! Instead, he only found the legendary ''NERDBACK''! Can he escape his giant, cheeto-stained grasp like those before him have?<br />
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Other than those two INCREDIBLY LARGE problems, it's pretty good. Just rewrite it, and you'll likely get right in. {{User:Chwoka/sig}}<br />
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I can understand how my comments can be misinterpreted, but I wasn't suggestion cutting things out and adding things, I was suggesting starting from scratch with nothing but the idea. {{User:Chwoka/sig}}<br />
:I don't think anybody is going to get into this, seeing as how most of the old writers WERE second gens that went MIA. {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:23, 8 March 2009 (UTC)<br />
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HOW BE IT NOW -- {{User:Badstar/sig}}<br />
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The pacing is faster than before, and you tried to cram too much stuff in. However, seeing as everything else is quite fine, I tyhink I'll '''hire''' you as long as you avoid these mistakes in the future. {{User:Chwoka/sig}}<br />
:Hip Hip Hooray? -- {{User:Badstar/sig}}</div>Poodlemuffin