https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Untitled_Document%2F2 2026-05-19T07:44:39Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.28.2 https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?title=Untitled_Document/2&diff=45346&oldid=prev 2008-09-14T18:05:38Z

<p>‎<span dir="auto"><span class="autocomment">Transcript</span></span></p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>== Summary ==<br /> <br /> Darlon likes to spend his weekend sleeping.<br /> <br /> == Transcript ==<br /> <br /> ''{Open: An alarm clock hits 7:40 AM and rings. Darlon presses a button on its top. Zoom out. Darlon is in bed.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' erle bbeggle it's sunday<br /> <br /> ''{Fade out: Black. Fade in: Red, velvety curtains. The curtains open, and a large-stage encompassing cardboard cutout of [Darlon's] head with a hole were the brain is, is pushed in front of the stage. The lights flicker on. Darlon walks onscreen}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Hello. Are you a friend of Harvey's?<br /> <br /> ''{lights dim. Darlon walks back offstage. A cat walks into scene. Lights turn on further}''<br /> <br /> '''CAT:''' GIVE ME YOUR REFRIDGERATR'S SOUL.<br /> <br /> ''{The cat lifts up into the air. An accordian walks in, backwards.}''<br /> <br /> '''ACCORDIAN:''' MONEY MEANS NOTHING<br /> <br /> ''{A big-lipped man (Harvey) walks into frame}''<br /> <br /> '''HARVEY:''' thank<br /> <br /> '''ACCORDIAN:''' let's ask the man on the street.<br /> <br /> '''HARVEY:''' Yes.<br /> <br /> '''ACCORDIAN:''' we asked the man on the street.<br /> <br /> ''{Harvey's lips inflate and explode. Cut to Darlon, waking up.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' My dreams! They're trying to tell me something!<br /> <br /> ''{timeswipe, Darlon is sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth, chewing on a pen.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' That's it! ''{falls over backwards, clambors back up.}'' My soulmate has prominent lips!<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to Jerry's house. Darlon is banging on Jerry's door.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Jerry!<br /> <br /> ''{Jerry opens the door.}''<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' ''{sighs}'' What do you want, Darlon?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' A girl!<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' A girl!? That's it?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ...you're acting as if it's plainly outrageous for me to come over to your house at 10:30 AM.<br /> <br /> ''{Jerry and Darlon walk inside}''<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Because it is. What's the problem, Darlon?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Well, you've been going steady with Cassie for a while now, so I thought you could help me find a girl.<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Well, Darlon, the trick is to lie about every single property of your being. Do you bathe regularly?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Yeah, about 7 times per month.<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Wear body spray. They'll never notice!<br /> <br /> ''{Jerry hands Darlon a can of MACE Body Spray.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' 7 times a month is actually quite a bi-<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Now, what bands do you listen to?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' I don't, I find modern bands in bad taste.<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Well you'd better start listening to them if you ever want a girl to like you!<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Listen to who!?<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' No, not them, they're way too old. You should listen to all the bands you hate.<br /> <br /> ''{Jerry hands Darlon a CD marked &quot;Now That's What I Call Music Volume 56&quot;.}''<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Listen to this about fifty times. You should be set.<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' I heard on TV that if you do that you'll brainwash yoursel-<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' I don't think that's a problem, Darlon.<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ...what are you implying?<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' N- nothing. Nothing at all. Now go get 'em, slugger!<br /> <br /> ''{Jerry shoves Darlon out the door, closes the door and locks it.}''<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' That'll teach HIM to wake me up-<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ''{off-screen}''' Where should I go?<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' Anywhere that isn't here!<br /> <br /> ''{cut to the laundromat. Darlon is sitting on a drier. The only other person here is an old, smelly, fat hag in the background.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ...so, are you seeing any-<br /> <br /> '''HAG:''' I'm married.<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Oh. Well that's...nice.<br /> <br /> ''{cut to Independence hall. Nobody is there but Darlon}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Hello? Ladies?<br /> <br /> ''{short pause}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ''{singing}'' Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creepin-<br /> <br /> ''{cut to Darlon in New York&lt;sup&gt;2&lt;/sup&gt;. It is crowded.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ''{barely audible}'' Finally, people! Hey, does anybody want to date me?<br /> <br /> ''{cut to the golden gate bridge. A girl is standing on the edge, breathing heavily.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ''{off-screen}'' Wait!<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' Wait!? ''WAIT!?''<br /> <br /> ''{Girl turns around, camera swiveling with here.}''<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' This is my moment, and you want me to WAIT!?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Don't do it!<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' Well why not, huh!?<br /> <br /> ''{short pause}''<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' ''HUH!?''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! You have so much to live for!<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' ... I ''know''.<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Well, why end it now?<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' Exactly? Why end it now?<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' DON'T JUMP!<br /> <br /> ''{The girl jumps.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' NOOOO! I kill everybody I love!<br /> <br /> ''{Darlon looks down to see the girl rise from the water.}''<br /> <br /> ''DARLON:''' ... Wait. Can you explain this to me?<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' I'm a part-time stuntwoman! I'm also an Olympic diver!<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' Really?<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' Right now, I'm doing &quot;Swim for a Cure&quot;! See you at the other side of the lake!<br /> <br /> ''{The girl swims away.}''<br /> <br /> '''DARLON:''' ...I STILL LOVE YO-<br /> <br /> '''GIRL:''' Everyone does!</div>

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