https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=The_SkullB_Show%2F50 2026-04-09T22:35:03Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.28.2 https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?title=The_SkullB_Show/50&diff=109098&oldid=prev 2009-01-27T02:46:23Z

<p>New page: == Overview == &#039;&#039;&#039;Episode 50: Helloween&#039;&#039;&#039; &#039;&#039;&#039;Season Finale&#039;&#039;&#039; Lucy decides to give Hell a new holiday. == Transcript == &#039;&#039;{Open: Lucy&#039;s office. Lucy is sitting in her chair, reclining...</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>== Overview ==<br /> '''Episode 50: Helloween'''<br /> <br /> '''Season Finale'''<br /> <br /> Lucy decides to give Hell a new holiday.<br /> <br /> == Transcript ==<br /> <br /> ''{Open: Lucy's office. Lucy is sitting in her chair, reclining. She is blowing a lock of her hair out of her face.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ''{sighs}'' What's the one thing Hell needs?<br /> <br /> ''{Suddenly, a large bug-man walks into the room.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Ah! Beelzebub! What seems to be the problem?<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' Ah, ma'am! I've got reports of mass hunger in the third circle, ma'am-<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Oh, they're ''always'' hungry.<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' Not to mention fights breaking out almost constantly in the fifth circle-<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' That ''always'' happens, Beelzy. ''{sighs}'' Christ, you'd think the wrathful get tired after centuries of torture...<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' And there's an outbreak of ennui among the damned, ma'am.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Yeah, well-<br /> <br /> ''{Lucy suddenly sits up.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Hold on... ennui? ''{panicked}'' Quick, we need to get a quarantine out!<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' No, no, no... ''boredom''.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ... O-oh. That's significantly less bad.<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' Come on, come see the damage...<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Third Circle. The gluttons are sleeping on a pile of food.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Well... everything seems fine to me.<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' Take a look...<br /> <br /> ''{The camera pans over to show the Cerberus snoozing.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' What the... Hey!<br /> <br /> ''{One of the Cerberus' heads opens an eye.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Get up, Cerby!<br /> <br /> ''{The Cerberus snorts a plume of fire and falls back asleep.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Urrgh...<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Second Circle. Many lustful men and women are having conversations.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Wh-what is this?!<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' The lustful. They're having thoughtful conversations and getting to know eachother.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ''{furious}'' They're supposed to be ''{bleep}''ing eachother 'till their ''{bleep}''s fall off! How in God's name is this happening?<br /> <br /> '''BEELZEBUB:''' They're getting ''bored'', ma'am. We need to remedy this somehow!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Ugh... what do you do to get excited?<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Hell Boardroom.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Ladies, gentlemen... we have a problem. A recent outbreak of boredom and low productivity is getting the hold of Hell as a whole. Does anybody have any ideas?<br /> <br /> '''MAMMON:''' We need to spend! Spend, spend, spend, that's what I say! Gold-plated chocolate fountains, clouds made of pure silver lining!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' It's always spending with you, Mammon... anybody ''else''?<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' I think we should build a theme park!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Chernobog, we don't have that kind of money. You know that.<br /> <br /> '''MAMMON:''' ''I'' do.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Yes, we know.<br /> <br /> '''CHAOS:''' ... I don't even have any ideas. It's just &quot;Bring Your Bastard Son To Work Day&quot;.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Anybody ''else''?<br /> <br /> '''BELPHEGOR:''' I think... I've got an idea.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Speak up, then!<br /> <br /> '''BELPHEGOR:''' Think about it... what gets people more excited... than a holiday?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ... My God, Belphegor! You're right!<br /> <br /> '''BELPHEGOR:''' Aren't I ''always''?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Then it's decided!<br /> <br /> ''{Lucy stands up and strikes a victorious pose.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' There will be a new holiday! I shall call it... Helloween!<br /> <br /> ''{The boardmembers clap.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Now, let's organize this thing!<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Heaven. Angels are looking down at the Hell boardroom through a crystal ball.}''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' ... So? What do we think?<br /> <br /> '''GABRIEL:''' This could be potentially dangerous. What if the people of the Middle Sphere learn of this?<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' Good point...<br /> <br /> '''MICHAEL:''' Well, let's ask the man himself...<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' Hey... Hey, God!<br /> <br /> ''{A massive eye opens in the background.}''<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(WHAT IS IT, MY SONS?)''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' Please, God, give us your opinion. What of this new holiday that Hell is coming up with?<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(I SAY WE LET THEM BE FOR NOW.)''<br /> <br /> '''GABRIEL:''' Awwwww. I wanted to slay the damned.<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(YOU'RE ALWAYS ON ABOUT SLAYING THE DAMNED, GABE. COME ON! WE CAN'T... WE CAN'T JUST SLAY THE DAMNED EVERY THURSDAY, GABE. YOU KNOW? I MEAN... IF WE SLAYED THE DAMNED EVERY DAY, I WOULDN'T BE- BE DOING MY JOB, OKAY? GABE, COME ON.)''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Hell. Demons and the damned are stringing up Helloween lights (mostly skulls and brimstone). Lucy and Chernobog are overseeing it.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Great job, everyone! Hey, Minotaur!<br /> <br /> ''{A minotaur turns to look at Chernobog.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' I love what you did with the skull pile!<br /> <br /> ''{Pan over to show a statue of former king Satan made of bone.}''<br /> <br /> '''MINOTAUR:''' Thanks, chappie!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' You know, this is really turning out great. I'm glad we're doing this all, for Hell's sake!<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Finally, we have something to celebrate about!<br /> <br /> ''{Pause.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' What's Helloween about, anyhow?<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Oh, I planned ahead. I made a Helloween song telling us all about it!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Oh, for God's sake.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' HIT IT<br /> <br /> ''{Chernobog flies over to a stage. A band, &quot;The Damned (Good-Looking)&quot;, are there. The band starts playing.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' This is a song... About Helloween.<br /> <br /> ''{The band instantly starts playing a cacophony of electric guitar and theremin. The music plays for a solid minute until it stops for just one moment.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Helloween.<br /> <br /> ''{The band starts playing again.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' It's... so perfect! What better way to celebrate than with noise?<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' ''{offscreen}'' HELLOWEEEEN<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' I'll get this on the radio, Chernobog! But for right now, I've gotta go spread the word!<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Fourth Circle. Two damned are sitting near eachother, being dunked in molten gold by several demons.}''<br /> <br /> '''DAMNED SOUL 1:''' So, did you- ERRERGH- hear?<br /> <br /> '''DAMNED SOUL 2:''' What?<br /> <br /> '''DAMNED SOUL 1:''' There's a new holiday. GHEERRGH- They call it Helloween!<br /> <br /> '''DAMNED SOUL 2:''' Sounds interesting. I might as well- EEEAAAAAARRRH- give it a look-see. <br /> <br /> '''DEMON:''' ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP TALKING OR WILL I HAVE TO POUR MOLTEN GOLD DOWN YOUR THROATS<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Seventh Circle. Several people are hanging from nooses on trees.}''<br /> <br /> '''HANGING MAN 1:''' Hey. Did you know there's a new holiday?<br /> <br /> '''HANGING MAN 2:''' Do I, like, care?<br /> <br /> '''HANGING MAN 1:''' Good point.<br /> <br /> ''{Pause.}''<br /> <br /> '''HANGING MAN 3:''' This is why I killed myself.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Heaven.}''<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(ANY NEWS ON THIS NEW HOLIDAY OF THEIRS?)''<br /> <br /> '''MICHAEL:''' Well, word of mouth has spread it all across Hell... We're waiting to see if it reaches the Gates of Purgatory.<br /> <br /> '''GABRIEL:''' Let's hope not...<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(AND IF IT DOES... MAKE SURE NOBODY HEARS OF IT.)''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' No problem, Sir.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Lucy's office. Lucy is stringing up lights, while Chernobog directs some other demons. An angel walks up to Chernobog.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Hey, Luke!<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' It's ''Lucifer'', Chernobog. Get it ''right''.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' ''Sheesh''. ''{mumbling}'' You fall from Heaven and now you get everything on a silver platter...<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Hey! I only got where I was through work, okay?<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' What do you want, Lucifer?<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' I want to know what's going on. I've been seeing people happier than usual!<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Oh, this? This is Helloween, man! A celebration of all things Hellish!<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Hmm... Sounds interesting.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Yeah, I know! I bet the people in Heaven would be ''pissed'' to find out about ''this''!<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Heh... I'm sure they would.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' I mean, if the people on Earth knew about this holiday, they'd ''freak''!<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Oh, my! That sounds ''scintillating''.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' HEY. ... No funny stuff. Okay?<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Yeah, sure, whatever.<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' Okay, good.<br /> <br /> ''{Chernobog continues to direct people.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' ''{to himself}'' Hm... This seems like a great opportunity to raise some hell... in every sense of the word!<br /> <br /> ''{Lucifer flies offscreen.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' ''{offscreen}'' Keep fanning the flames, Ukobach! Don't wanna undercook the sacrifice goats, now do we?<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: a Hot Topic. Some guy (let's call him Donaldo) is at the counter, smoking. Suddenly, Lucifer appears in a poof of black smoke.}''<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' Yo.<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Well! Who have we here?<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' I'm Don. Do you want a Charlie the Unicorn shirt?<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' N-no. I came here to inform you of something.<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... Yeh?<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' There's a new holiday celebrating all that is Hellish, all that is unholy!<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... Cool. When is it?<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' It's next Sunday, when the Moon aligns with the Spheres...<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... Killer.<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Yes... tell all your friends to summon the Great Ba'al on that day, for he will give you all instructions.<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... Sure.<br /> <br /> '''LUCIFER:''' Thank you, Don!<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... Whatev.<br /> <br /> ''{Lucifer disappears.}''<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' ... ''{yelling}'' Yo, Martin!<br /> <br /> '''MARTIN:''' ''{offscreen}'' What is it, mang?<br /> <br /> '''DONALDO:''' Come here! I wanna tell you something!<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Hell. Lucy is sunbathing near the Lake of Fire. Chernobog is sunbathing there as well.}''<br /> <br /> '''CHERNOBOG:''' I must say, Ma'am, you look ''great'' in this kind of light!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Flattery will get you ''everywhere'', Chernobog.<br /> <br /> ''{A strange spider creature with a human's head walks over.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Oh, hey, Ba'al.<br /> <br /> '''BA'AL:''' Hey, Luce. You got any calls today?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Wait... what?<br /> <br /> '''BA'AL:''' I've been getting ''tons'' from the surface. Something about... Halloween?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Wait... you mean ''Hell''oween, right?<br /> <br /> '''BA'AL:''' Yeah, that.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Wait a minute... I thought nobody knew about that!<br /> <br /> '''BA'AL:''' Well apparently over five million people do, now.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ... Oh, ''really''?<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Heaven. Lucy is talking with God. Lucy is surrounded by angels.}''<br /> <br /> '''GABRIEL:''' I ''knew'' it! I ''knew'' the info would leak!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Look, ''I'' didn't do it, okay?<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?)''<br /> <br /> '''MICHAEL:''' Father, this demoness has spread the word of Helloween to Earth. Now the humans will be sacrificing people and eating dogs and ''everything''!<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(WH- WHAT? IS ''THAT'' WHAT YOU DO ON HELLOWEEN?)''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Hell, I don't know--I only just came up with it a week ago!<br /> <br /> '''MICHAEL:''' Now that the humans know about this, your armies will be getting more members through the ritual sacrifice and the suicide and the baby-eating and ''everything''!<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' This was one of your plans, wasn't it, scullery wench?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Hey! Language.<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(OH, OH MY. THIS SOUNDS... AWFUL.)''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' And today is Helloween! Do you have any idea how awful this will get? Just look at the celebration! LOOK AT IT!<br /> <br /> ''{Raphael opens up a hole in the clouds.}''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: a Hot Topic. There are shirts that read &quot;I DRESS UP FOR HELLOWEEN&quot; and other such phrases.}''<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''{offscreen}'' ''(WOW, THAT ''IS'' AWFUL.)''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: a house. Many people and demons are dancing.}''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Wait... is that Abraxas?<br /> <br /> '''ABRAXAS:''' I'M CUTTING A RUG, I AM<br /> <br /> '''PERSON:''' Shake it, Braxy!<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''{offscreen}'' ''(THAT'S... NOT AS BAD?)''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: Hell. A bunch of demons and damned souls are playing with a pinata shaped like an angel.}''<br /> <br /> '''DEMON:''' Alright! Beat that thing!<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''{offscreen}'' ''(OKAY, THAT'S KINDA FUNNY.)''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' ''{offscreen}'' Hah, it looks like Gabriel.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Wow, I didn't even notice the resemblance!<br /> <br /> ''{The hole in the clouds closes.}''<br /> <br /> '''RAPHAEL:''' It... it doesn't look bad. At all!<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' But... they were to summon Ba'al! Why didn't he tell them to commit ritual suicide?<br /> <br /> '''GABRIEL:''' It appears... He gave them... party lists?<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' ... Of course! Ba'al's always been that kind of guy!<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(IT APPEARS... HELLOWEEN IS SAFE TO CELEBRATE.)''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Don't you see? Whether you're celebrating Hell, or Christmas, or whatever holiday you want, the reason is still the same... you're celebrating. There's nothing wrong with celebration, is there?<br /> <br /> '''MICHAEL:''' ... I wouldn't think so.<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Exactly. People want to be free to choose how to celebrate whatever they want! That's why I want Helloween to continue.<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(... I AGREE. ON ONE CONDITION.)''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Hm?<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(LET'S NOT LET THE EARTHLINGS KNOW ABOUT IT. THEY MIGHT GET THE WRONG IDEA.)''<br /> <br /> '''LUCY:''' Well. That sounds good!<br /> <br /> '''GOD:''' ''(ALRIGHT, THEN! LET'S HAVE A BEACH PARTY! IN HEAVEN!)''<br /> <br /> ''{Everybody starts dancing.}''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB is on the couch, holding a plastic cup in one hand and a spinner in another. Casey is passed out behind the couch. Jerry ambles into the room.}''<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' That was... that was a hell of a Halloween. I mean... a hall of a Helloween. I mean... you know what I mean.<br /> <br /> '''SKULLB:''' Is this my first line?<br /> <br /> '''JERRY:''' ''{chuckles}'' Yeahh.<br /> <br /> '''SKULLB:''' Man. That's funny somehow.<br /> <br /> ''{Cue credits.}''</div>

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