Noxigar at 22:21, 7 February 2011

2011-02-07T22:21:34Z

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== Summary ==
Bell starts dating again.

'''Cast: Im a bell, Craeft Aetlaenes,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' KING OF ATLANTIS</blockquote>

Vince Gagoman, Bling, Tracy, Kuro, Female Hippie, Hobo 1, Very Old Woman, Hobo 2, Blonde Woman, Drunken Child, Fat Woman, Male Bodybuilder, Two Policemen, Sarah McAllister, Detective'''

'''Places: Unknown Bedroom, Bell's Room, Fancy Restaurant'''

'''Episode Information: 103-When Dating, Don't Say You Live With Your Mom'''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ''Failure to Launch''</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' "Quick! Name another shitty romance movie!"</blockquote>

'''Insult: diminished mayonnaise fruitbats'''

'''Credit Joke: Stewie Griffin'''

== Transcript ==
''{fade from black to Bell waking up in a bed}''

'''IM A BELL:''' Ugh. What'd I do last night? ''{looks offscreen startled}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' PARTY-ING</blockquote>

''{pan out to show Craeft sleeping beside him}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' RECORDS OF BELL: OEDIPAL PANTIES</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' ''Oedipal'' isn't a word. I dare Raiku to look it up in a dictionary.</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:'''''{startled}'' I'm starting to remember...

''{cue theme song, cut to Bell sleeping in his own bed. A digital clock beside him reads "1:30 PM"}''

'''VINCE GAGOMAN:'''''{kicking Bell}'' WAKE UP! ...It's not working, guys.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Who's ''this'' dipsh*t?</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Somebody.</blockquote>

'''BLING:'''''{starts bashing Bell in the head with a muffler}'' Neither is this.

'''TRACY:'''''{starts punching Bell in the stomach}'' Nor this.

'''DON SKULL:''' Let me try. ''{charges skull cannon, fires into Bell, causing him to fly into the wall, bounce off it into Don Skull, who runs him over}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Do I ''have'' one of those cannons?</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' In ''this'' show, you do. That's how cannon those cannons are.</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:'''''{wakes up}'' AAAH! I'M AWAKE, I'M AWAKE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

'''KURO:''' Bell, look. We like having you around all the time, but I think you need to start dating. You've grieved over your wife long enough.

'''IM A BELL:''' NO I HAVEN'T! Besides, I don't know how to date.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' I ordered my wife on the Internet. '''SKULLB:''' How is this not surprising coming from Bell?</blockquote>

'''TRACY:''' Just act the way you did when you met my mom.

'''IM A BELL:''' We were destroying the same city and we fell in love.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' uugh</blockquote>
<blockquote>''{Noxigar groans imitatingly}'' 
'''NOXIGAR:''' I was expecting a retch. Good job surprising me.</blockquote>

'''TRACY:''' Oh. That'll be a problem... Tell you what. We'll set you up with some dates.

'''IM A BELL:''' Blind dates? Okay, as long as they aren't actually blind.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' OH IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT '''SKULLB:''' IF I COULD SEE YOU SO HELP ME I'D TEAR YOU A NEW ONE</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS COOL- No it isn't I hate that shit and can only commend Neil Patrick Harris on doing a good job acting.</blockquote>

'''TRACY:''' Don't worry. We wouldn't do that to you.

'''IM A BELL:''' Good.

'''TRACY:''' At least, not now that you've said that.

'''IM A BELL:''' ... ''{punches Tracy in the face}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Now ''that's'' what I call a punchline! ... {{smith}}</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD! A ''PUN''CH.</blockquote>

''{cut to a booth in a fancy restaurant. A hobo is staring in the window. A large, brown building across the street reads "The IRS "We Take Everything"".''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' pfft Republicans</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' They're responsible for idiots such as Sarah Palin. They're some serious ''shit''.</blockquote>

''After every date, it cuts to the next. Date 1; A female hippie. A bowl of soup is in front of Bell, who is in Pure Watashi form, but his pants, wristbands, and t-shirt are black}''

'''HIPPIE WOMAN:'''''{rambling illegible nonsense. The most coherent words are "tree", "forest", "cute animals", and "vegan"}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' <big>''THIS IS WHAT HIPPIES TALK ABOUT''</big></blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' How incredibly ''dated'' of that statement.</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:'''''{annoyed and tired}'' Uh huh... ''{a tentacle appears out from under Bell's bell and drinks the soup's broth like a straw}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' Charming.</blockquote>

'''HIPPIE WOMAN:'''''{screams}''

''{Date 2; An old woman. A bowl of soup is in front of her. The hobo outside the window is now being stared at by another hobo}''

'''IM A BELL:''' Um, ma'am? You haven't said anything this entire date.

'''OLD WOMAN:'''''{keels over in soup}''

'''IM A BELL:''' ...

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Cheer up, Bell! At least she won't say "no" ''now''!</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Um, I thought that was a 4chan joke until I realized that SkullB. was saying it. Oh wait. That's not the important part.</blockquote>

''{Date 3; A blonde woman. Bell seems to like her. Hobo 2 is chewing on Hobo 1's head}''

'''BLONDE WOMAN:''' Oh, did I mention I have VD?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' VD is not a separate disease</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:'''''{disgusted}'' ... ''{raises hand}'' CHECK PLEASE!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' <big><big>''CONDOMS ARE FOR PUSSIES''</big></big></blockquote>

''{Date 4; Drunken little girl. Four empty beer bottles are in front of her. Bell is stupefied. Hobo 1 walks offscreen angrily, with Hobo 2 staring at him}''

'''IM A BELL:''' ...How old are you?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' "I hope you're old enough to go all the way!"</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY!</blockquote>

''{Date 5; Fat woman. Hobo 1 is beating Hobo 2 offscreen with a bat. There is now blood splattered on the window. Bell walks onscreen wearing a "NO FAT CHICKS" T-shirt. The fat woman is disgusted, and walks off. Date 6; Male body builder. There are now two policemen outside the window looking downward at the offscreen carnage. Hobo 1 is nowhere to be found}''

'''IM A BELL:'''''{annoyed}'' ...I'M NOT GAY, GUYS!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' You might as well be! {{well}}</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Oh, and ''who'' complains when someone is using memes?</blockquote>

''{Date 7; Woman with white hair stretching to her hips with five spikes in front; two blue two red and one black, long legs, dark green t-shirt, and light blue jeans.''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' SKINNY JEANS ARE SO SCENE</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' So was that indie coffee shop, and the MacBooks, and- DAMN IT, I'M OVER THE JOKE'S HEAD AND THE STRAW DROPPED FROM MY GRASP.</blockquote>

''There is a martini in front of Bell and a bottle of beer in front of the woman. Bell seems to be in love with her. Now there is only a detective staring downward outside the window, disgusted}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' He's so disgusted by Bell he can't even look at him.</blockquote>

'''WOMAN:''' Hi. I'm Sarah McAllister.

'''IM A BELL:''' I'm Imothy Bellstrom. You can call me Bell. Nice to meet you, Sarah.

'''SARAH MCALLISTER:''' Same to you.

'''IM A BELL:''' So, um, ah... S-so, are you goth or something-

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' EMO-SCENO</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL SYNONYMS IN TERMS OF THE CONTEXT.</blockquote>

'''SARAH:''' No, why?

'''IM A BELL:''' Well, I was referring to your white hair and that tattoo.

'''SARAH:''' Well, except for the spikes, this hair is natural, and my tattoo- ''{pivots torso to show a red skull tattoo on her right arm}'' -is just because I like carnage.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Then I might as well get breast implants just because I like breasts.</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Um, you're a robot. Breast implants don't ''work'' that way for you.</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' Huh. That's pretty interesting! I like death as well!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Ooh! I've gotta write that one down.</blockquote>

Um, do you have any other tattoos?

'''SARAH:''' One, but if I showed it to you, I'd probably get kicked out of this restaurant.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ...OH I GET IT ew '''SKULLB:''' ahahahaha gross</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' ...Say, do you have any reality-bending powers and/or are immortal?

'''SARAH:''' No, no reality bending powers. And I'm immoral, but not immortal.

'''IM A BELL:''' Well, I do.

'''SARAH:'''''{amused}'' Oh ''really?'' Prove it.

'''IM A BELL:''' Okay, I will. Hmm... ''{notices the IRS building outside the window}'' Aha! Watch that building! ''{claps hands, the IRS building explodes into a mushroom cloud, startling the detective, giving him a heart attack}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' EVERY F***ING EPISODE IS LIKE THIS</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Uh-huh. Well, I'll take that at face value since YOU WERE IN ALL OF THEM.</blockquote>

'''SARAH:''' Whoa. Wow, I guess you DO have reality bending powers. Y'know, I kinda like you, Bell.

'''IM A BELL:''' R-really?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' you seem nervous for someone that just exploded a building</blockquote>

'''SARAH:''' Yeah!

''{cut to an hour later. The detective is gone, and there are empty plates on the table}''

'''IM A BELL:''' So, um... D-d'you wanna go back to my place?

'''SARAH:''' ...Sure, why not?

''{cut to outside the restaurant. Bell and Sarah walk out}''

'''IM A BELL:''' TAXI!

''{a taxi pulls up. Bell and Sarah get in. Cut to Bell's room/attic Bell and Sarah walk onscreen}''

'''IM A BELL:''' Well, here's my room.

'''SARAH:''' You live in an attic?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Better or worse than the basement? U DECIDE</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Nah, I'll let everyone else's social standards decide since they matter.</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' Yeah, so?

'''SARAH:''' No reason. ...Say, I just thought of something. What's under that bell?

'''IM A BELL:''' If I told you, you might freak out.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Underneath is a pockmarked 13 year-old with a greasy ponytail, I'm betting.</blockquote>

'''SARAH:''' I've seen a lot of strange things in my life, like a battle with some rapidly shape shifting weirdo and his friends versus a demon, who at the end of the battle transformed into a human.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' ''excuse me''</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' ''princess''</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' ...I was the "shape shifting weirdo" you we're referring to.

'''SARAH:''' Oh. S-sorry.

'''IM A BELL:''' It's fine. ...Well, I might as well show you my real face. But, I have to revert to my normal form. ''{reverts to normal Bell, removes bell}''

'''SARAH:''' ... Erm... ''{lunges at Bell, makes out with him}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' Nobody in real life ever would do this ''ever''</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' I know. This is one reason why I hate romance films.</blockquote>

''{cut to the next morning in Bell's kitchen. Bell is eating an omelette with a cup of blood beside it}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' BLOOD OH HOW DEVILISHLY WACKY HE MUST BE EVIL OR SOMETHING!!!!!!</blockquote>

'''TRACY:''' So? How'd the dates go?

'''IM A BELL:''' The first six were... unorthodox... But the last one went pretty well.

'''TRACY:''' Yeah, I know. She told me.

'''IM A BELL:''' How'd she tell you?

'''TRACY:''' Sarah works at Malifact & Malifact in the cubicle next to mine.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' She's a lawyer-what</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' Well, thanks for setting me up a date with her.

'''TRACY:''' You're welcome, dad. So, I heard you made out with her after the date.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' THOSE TWO SENTENCES DO NOT GO TOGETHER</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Actually sentence-verb agreement would disagree- DAMN IT, WRONG CONTEXT. Ridiculous, I say!</blockquote>

'''IM A BELL:''' Yep.

'''TRACY:''' Y'know, I could get you her phone number and address if you want.

'''IM A BELL:''' No thanks.

'''TRACY:''' NO THANKS? Why not?

'''IM A BELL:''' I already got them!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' You slyyyyyyyyy dog</blockquote>

''{both of them laugh. Cue credits}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKULLB:''' It's a crappy ending!</blockquote>
<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' I agree.</blockquote>

RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/3 - Revision history

Noxigar at 22:21, 7 February 2011