Noxigar: HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.

2013-11-01T01:58:22Z

HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.

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''{Open: darkness.}''

'''SKULLB:''' Hello, there, Chwoka.

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' HOOT. HOOT. YOU ARE ABOUT TO GO ON AN EPIC ADVENTURE THE LIKES OF WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE UNIQUE. BUT, AS IT IS CLUNKY LEGEND OF ZELDA FANFICTION, I AM AFRAID YOUR JOURNEY IS GOING TO SUCK.</blockquote>

'''CHWOKA:''' Hey.

'''SKULLB:''' Did I ever tell you about the three Triforce Goddesses?

'''CHWOKA:''' Like every day.

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' "Dude, stop with your LEGEND OF ZELDA shoehorning, like holy shit it's old now."</blockquote>

'''SKULLB:''' Well let me tell you again. Just for old times' sake!

'''CHWOKA:''' Oh, come on...

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' "I have to do CHOOM THINGS, and '''''so do you'''''"</blockquote>

''{The scene fades into a rainy, gloomy, thundering sky. Three golden triangles descend into the shot.}''

'''SKULLB:''' In the beginning, there was naught but storms and darkness. And from this awful world arose the Golden Power... the Triforce. And from the Triforce came the three Goddesses-

'''CHWOKA:''' Shadow Scythe, Shwoo, and Super Sam. I heard.

'''SKULLB:''' Good to see you've been paying attention, Chwoka.

'''CHWOKA:''' Well it's hard to forget after fifty times!

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Wait, ''fifty'' times? Damn it, Skullbuggy! I was trying to be nice to you by making fun of Chwoka!</blockquote>

''{The triangles turn into golden, female figures. They start flying.}''

'''SKULLB:''' Shadow Scythe molded the land out of rough rock, creating the earth upon which we stand today.

'''CHWOKA:''' And Shwoo created the oceans and water and gave the earth the ability to hold life, right?

'''SKULLB:''' Right. And Super Sam gave the earth the seed that would sprout into the multitude of flora and fauna we see today.

'''CHWOKA:''' So far nothing's changed.

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' "WHY HAS NOTHING CHANGED?! WHY HAS NOTHING IMPROVED?! WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE STILL ON THE WIKI USER WIKI?!"</blockquote>

''{The scene shifts to a fiery background. The silhouette of a man on a horse is in the foreground.}''

'''SKULLB:''' Of course, there have been numerous times when the Golden Power was almost taken... and I fear that now it will be no different. Have you heard?

'''CHWOKA:''' Hm? What's going on ''now''?

'''SKULLB:''' There is a man of the Gerudo who the king is taking a shine to. I fear he may be trying to get to the Golden Power.

'''CHWOKA:''' Wait... this is new.

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Good. Then maybe you can stop being a predictable sourpuss about everything for once.</blockquote>

'''SKULLB:''' Don't you know? Within the castle walls, there lies a fragment of the Golden Power... and I'm afraid we're without a hero.

'''CHWOKA:''' ... Really.

'''SKULLB:''' Yes, really. ... Now, then. Chwoka. I want you to wake the boy without a fairy.

'''CHWOKA:''' You mean Bl-

'''SKULLB:''' Yes. Precisely. Now go, Chwoka. Go and wake him. His journey is about to begin.

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' A lot of this feels like copypasta from one of the N64 Zelda games. Or was it a Gamecube Zelda game that's copypasted here?</blockquote>

''{Fade to black.}''

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' Welp. I should probably go find another inactive work the Choom Gang has, or maybe I should riff something else. It's too bad, since this was one of exceptionally few that had any promise whatsoever.</blockquote>

RiffText/LegendofNachoMan/1 - Revision history

Noxigar: HEY, LISTEN. HEY, LISTEN.