JCM: the greatest showdown you'll never want to read

2010-12-11T03:53:16Z

the greatest showdown you'll never want to read

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== Summary ==
Kirbychu finds out who sent his second e-mail!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And two emails from now, he'll discover who sent this one. It's a wonderful cycle of stupidity!</blockquote>
Cast (in order of appearance): Kirbychu, Albino, Homestar, Bubs, Strong Bad, Zoo977.

Places: Kirbychu's Computer Room, The Stick, Kirbychu's Lab, Bubs Concession Stand, Strong Bad's basement.

Date: February 26, 2008

==Transcript==

''{Cut to Kirbychu's computer room. Kirbychu walks in and sits down.}''

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' I haven't seen The DS today. Oh well, he'll probably show up by the end of the email. ''{opens outlook express}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Were you not in the mood for an email song today, either? It's all right. Take your time.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="email">
Dear DS-less,<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How coincidental.</blockquote>
:Your Nintendo DS is currently shattered into many of pieces by the stick. I took all of the most important pieces and burned them. And it was ME that sent the email that got you in jail! HAHA! And considering i bend reality, DOUBLE HAHA!<br />
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Suck on that, Mary lack of Sue.</blockquote>
Sincerely,<br />
Albino(zoos cheat)
</blockquote>

''{He stops reading at "I took all of the most important pieces and burned them."}''

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' NOOOOOO! Well, at least it's I fire-proofed it.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Apparently extremely bad if they managed to get burned.</blockquote>
I also have all of the tools to fix it at my lab. I'll go get the pieces!

''{Cut to The Stick. Albino is there wit a fire burning
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' wit da s'moes an da steeks</blockquote>
in front of him. There is also a pile of plastic pieces next to him. Kirbychu walks in}''

''''ALBINO:''' Good, you're finally here. Now to...

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' ''{interrupting}'' Oh, hi Albino. Look, I'm a little busy now, can we talk later? ''{he gets all of the pieces}'' See ya later. ''{runs off}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Impolite much?</blockquote>
''{Cut to Kirbychu's lab. Kirbychu is there with the DS pieces. He is standing next to Homestar.}''

'''HOMESTAR:''' Why am I here again?

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' You need to hand me things when I ask for them.

'''HOMESTAR:''' Oh.

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Glue.

'''HOMESTAR:''' Glue. ''{hands Kirbychu a bottle of glue}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' The action never stops.</blockquote>
''{The screen fades to black. The words "2 HOURS LATER" come up. The screen fades back to Kirbychu and Homestar.}''

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Well it took 2 hours, but at least it's fixed. Now it just needs to charge. In the mean time, I should finish reading that e-mail. ''{Kirbychu walks back to the computer room and sits down. He then reads the rest of the e-mail.}'' THAT WAS YOU! I don't believe you. It was obviously your owner, Zoo977.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' He knows this stuff because he knows everything.</blockquote>
''{Cut to The Stick. Albino is still there. Kirbychu walks up.}''

'''ALBINO:''' FINALLY!

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' I'll get you an ice cream if you go get Zoo.

'''ALBINO:''' Okay!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' But I thought short guys like him were all lactose intolerant.</blockquote>
''{They walk off. Cut to Bubs Concession Stand. Kirbychu and Albino walk up.}''

'''BUBS:''' Hello, what do you need.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What do you have.</blockquote>
'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' 1 ice cream cone, please.

'''BUBS:''' What flavor?

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' What flavor?

'''ALBINO:''' Vanilla.

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Vanilla.

'''BUBS:''' What size?

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' What size?

'''ALBINO:''' Waffle cone.

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' A waffle cone.

'''BUBS:''' How many scoops?

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' How many scoops?

'''ALBINO:''' Three.

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Three.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' This was the most useful conversation on the page.</blockquote>
'''BUBS:''' Here you go. ''{hands Kirbychu an ice cream}'' That'll be $50.

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' WHAT!!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' In that economy, you're lucky to see that.</blockquote>
How about $50 in pencil shavings?

'''BUBS:''' That's fine.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' This is why the economy's so bad there.</blockquote>
'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Here you go.

''{He hand Bubs a pile of pencil shavings and walks off.}''

'''ALBINO:''' Thanks. I'll go get Zoo.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' But Kirbychu didn't give you the ice cream y-</blockquote>
'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Good. ''{walks off}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Oh, you sly...whatever you are.</blockquote>
''{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. Strong Bad is on the couch. Kirbychu walks up.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' What do you want?

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' I need your help fighting Zoo977.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Don't people talk it out anymore?</blockquote>
Will you come?

'''STRONG BAD:''' I've got nothing better to do.

''{Cut back to The Stick, where Zoo is standing. Kirbychu and Strong Bad walk up.}''

'''ZOO977:''' Ready to fight?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Why can't we be friends?</blockquote>
'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Yep, But first why don't you put on some fancy aftershave so you smell good?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' There's no point in getting dirty if you already smell like crap.</blockquote>
'''ZOO977:''' Fine.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Here you go. ''{hands Zoo a container of gas}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That's not suspicious at all.</blockquote>
'''ZOO977:''' Thanks. ''{He covers himself with the gas}''

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' And who would fight without having a fancy gum cigar first?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' This dude is the queen of physical conflicts.</blockquote>
This thing is so fancy, you even need to light it! ''{hands Zoo a gum cigar}''

'''ZOO977:''' Thanks. ''{He pulls out a lighter and lights the gum cigar}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That's even less suspicious.</blockquote>
''{Zoo catches fire,
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How ever did that happen?</blockquote>
and flies away.}''

'''ZOO977''': I'LL BE BACK!

'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' Where will I find another paper to end this email?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Maybe you could actually use a paper this time.</blockquote>
''{a tv pops from the top of the screen}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' This is no time to watch Desperate Housewives!</blockquote>
'''KIRBYCHU HR'D:''' A tv to replace The DS? Perfect! ''{begins to dance}''

''{"Kirbychu HR'D is currently partying.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' By himself.</blockquote>
please leave a message." appears on the TV.}''

==Trivia==
*The "fancy aftershave" and the cigar are reference to to the Strong Bad e-mail "Lady...ing".

*It is unknown who really wrote the email. Albino could have written that he bends reality to blame it on Zoo, and Zoo could have signed it from Albino.

RiffText/Kirbychu emails.pie/Zoo977 - Revision history

JCM: the greatest showdown you'll never want to read