JCM: the horror continues!

2010-11-26T00:06:33Z

the horror continues!

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'''KickCheat E-mails #8'''

KickCheat goes to the moon for the second gold capsule. Nebulon stirs up some trouble
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''{chuckles}'' Oh, that Nebulon!</blockquote>
'''Cast:''' (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Stephen, 1-Up, Nebulon, 500 mini nebulons, Tampo, Stlunko, Brody

'''Places:''' 2072 Field, Warp pad area, The Moon, Lunar wearhouse, The pink cloud zone, Tampo's Lair

'''Computer:''' Lappy HC

'''Lines:''' 200

== Script ==

''{Cut to the inside of the pickup truck}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' So how do we get to the moon?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Oh, you finally realized that trucks can't fly?</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' There is a portal that can trasfer people to the moon.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Okay Stiny.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Stiny is OK, I see.</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' It's Stinkoman!

'''STRONG BAD:''' Sorry Stiny.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Stiny is sorry, I see.</blockquote>
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Oh yeah. I need to check an e-mail.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You ''need'' to stop writing this garbage.</blockquote>
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Gets out his Lappy HC}'' Some how,
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That's some how you've got there.</blockquote>
I will survive the eight e-mail!

<blockquote class="email">
Dear KickCheat, 
Why do you wear a propeller hat? 
466664
</blockquote>

'''KICKCHEAT:''' I don't wear a propeller hat 466664!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How about a propeller hat 466665?</blockquote>
Ask Homestar that!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What if he doesn't? Huh? Do you have contacts? Huh? People?</blockquote>
''{Turns to Homestar}'' Hey Homestar!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah?

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Answer this e-mail.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "What if I don't? Huh? Do you have contacts? Huh? People?"</blockquote>
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Alright!

''{KickCheat gives Homestar the Lappy HC}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And he runs off and sells it as scrap metal.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="email">
Dear KickCheat, 
Why do you wear a propeller hat? 
466664
</blockquote>

''{Says "Homestar" instead of KickCheat when reading the e-mail}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Why do I wear a propeller hat? Because it spins and plays a song from Night Court. It also glows in the dark! ''{Gives the Lappy HC to KickCheat}'' There, I answered it.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Thanks baldy.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Baldy thanks.</blockquote>
''{Puts the Lappy HC away}'' We should be near that portal soon.

'''STEPHEN:''' Yes, we should be close. About another 2 miles and we'll be there.

''{Cut to a black screen that says "A few minutes later". Cut to the warp pad area}''

'''1-UP:''' This will take us to the moon?

'''STEPHEN:''' Yes. ''{He pushes 1-p
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Wait, where did he come from?</blockquote>
onto the warp pad. 1-Up disappears. No one does nothing for a few seconds}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' So everyone's doing something? What? I'm dying to know!</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' Holy crap! ''{Jumps onto the warp pad}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' '''STRONG BAD AFTERIMAGE:''' Holy crap! ''{jumps onto the warp pad}''</blockquote>
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}'' ''{Jumps onto the warp pad}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' That is one powerful toaster.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' That is not a toaster!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' See, it's funny because Homestar thought it was toaster and yeah.</blockquote>
''{Pushes Homestar onto the warp pad. Homestar disappears}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' DOUBLE DEUCE!!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Or you could just, you know, jump.</blockquote>
''{Jumps onto the warp pad}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Turns to Stephen}'' You three coming?

'''STEPHEN:''' No, we'll wait for you here.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "I can't fight master warriors with you! I'll break one of my flag-painted nails!"</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Heck with it.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "I'd...rather not."</blockquote>
''{Jumps onto the warp pad}''

'''STEPHEN:''' Good luck KickCheat.

''{Cut to everyone, but KickCheat on the moon.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' So where's everyone?</blockquote>
KickCheat appears}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' This is space?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' no its the moon</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' You got it!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Weird. The pictures I see look beter than actually being on the moon.

''{Cut to Nebulon watching the six on a TV screen}''

'''NEBULON:''' So Tampo wasn't kidding.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Wait, Nebulon can't talk. CONTINUITY ER-</blockquote>
Six morons are after my capsule! Time to stir up some trouble!

''{Nebulon walks upto a large bowl as big as a door}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How big is the door?</blockquote>
'''NEBULON:''' My magic pot of terror
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''Of terror''</blockquote>
will give me a hand!

''{A hand that looks like Master Hand from super smash bros.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' No, just no.</blockquote>
comes out of the pot and flies away}''

'''NEBULON:''' ''{sarcasticly}'' Ha, ha. Very funny pot!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Very funny pot should get a very stern talking to!</blockquote>
Now, create 500 mini nebulons.

''{500 mini nebulons come out of the pot}''

'''NEBULON:''' Now my troops.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Once the pot's done with the troops, what will you do with the nebulons?</blockquote>
See these losers on my TV here?

''{The 500 nebulons look at the TV}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And have 500 simultaneous seizures.</blockquote>
'''NEBULON:''' These losers must die. You all got that?

'''ALL 500 MINI NEBULONS SIMUTAINIOUSLY:''' Yeah!

'''NEBULON:''' Okay, go!

''{All 500 nebulons run offscreen chanting. Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' No, I swear,
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Didn't your parents teach you that swearing is bad?</blockquote>
we are going the right way!

'''1-UP:''' You are going to say a swear?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' DANG IT MY JOKE</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' It's a statement 1-Up!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I thought it was just a 1-Up.</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{Looks up}'' Look out! Home coming asteroid or meteor!

''{The six run offscreen. A mini nebulon walks onscreen}''

'''MINI NEBULON:''' Destroy losers! Destroy losers!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Destroy English language! Destroy English language!</blockquote>
''{The asteroid hits him.}''

'''MINI NEBULON:''' Oww! That hurt! ''{Dies}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Just like that.</blockquote>
''{The six walk back onscreen}''

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' I have a felling
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You better get that felling checked by a doctor or something.</blockquote>
that we have a massive army of those green things coming to get us.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Argh!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Me matey.</blockquote>
I hate it when the good guys are being ambushed by an army of aliens!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Get used to it. I think we have a lot more coming to kill us.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Can we have ice cream now?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Wh-</blockquote>
'''1-UP:''' And pudding too?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' -at</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' No! Later after
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You better get those afters in sooner from now on.</blockquote>
we get those six capsules!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER AND 1-UP SIMUTAINIOUSLY:''' Aww crap!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Can we get to that alien loser now?

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah, yeah.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Okay, okay.</blockquote>
''{Cut to Nebulon watching the six on a TV}''

'''NEBULON:''' Who dare kill one of my mini nebulons! They call me a loser! Only I am allowed to call them that!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' But I thought they called you a loser. I mean, you just said that. In the previous sentence.</blockquote>
Well, they will be dead soon anyway.

''{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homestar walking}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Are we there yet?

'''STRONG BAD:''' No.

'''1-UP:''' Are we there now?

'''STRONG BAD:''' Still no.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' How about now?

'''STRONG BAD:''' NO!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Now?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' Oh, will you just stut up!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Stat up! Question mark?</blockquote>
We will get there when we get there! Okay!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Stat up! Question mark?</blockquote>
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{quietly}'' Yes.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Okay.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Hey guys look.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I'm aware of what Hey Guys do.</blockquote>
It's the rest of the aliens.

'''STINKOMAN:''' Wha..?

''{Camera zoms
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Zom, zom, zom!</blockquote>
out to show an army of mini nebulons}''

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Something. ''{Falls backwards}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Nothing ''{Falls forwards}''</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Gets out his Lappy HC}'' Let's see them dance! ''{Pushes a button. A lightsaber appears}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' Come on! We don't want to get Star Wars here!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Well, it's only fourteen years until the space age anyway.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' According to who?</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' Oh, right.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And how does ''he'' know that?</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Time for a challenge!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I will not be ignored!</blockquote>
''{KickCheat starts to swing his lightsaber at the mini nebulons. They litterally
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Litterers are quitterers.</blockquote>
"dance" to avoid being hit}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Okay, that is just plain funny!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' According to who?</blockquote>
''{Punches a mini nebulon}'' Come on guys! This is fun!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And how does ''he'' know that?</blockquote>
'''1-UP:''' Okay! ''{Walks up to a mini nebulon}'' Umm, KICK! ''{Kicks the mini nebulon}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I will not be ignored!</blockquote>
'''1-UP:''' This is so boring! All we are doing is beating the crap out of aliens.

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}'' ''{Runs away}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' What a chicken and a The Cheat! Time to go Super Mario Brothers!

''{Homestar starts to jump on mini nebulons while the song from Super Mario Brothers plays}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And the right holders bathe in their royalties.</blockquote>
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Now that is classic fighting!

''{The victory song from Super Mario Brothers plays}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Where is that music coming from?

''{Cut to Stinkoman. Surronded by mini nebulons}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Cut to me. Cringing in my seat.</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' DOUBLE DEUCE!!!

''{Starts to punch the mini nebulons}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' 1972! I 1972'd you good!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And how.</blockquote>
''{Cut to the six infront of a giant door}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Time to get the second gold capsule!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' But what are
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' We? They? My remaining brain cells?</blockquote>
going to do with that pile behind us?

''{Camera zooms out to show a huge pile of dead mini nebulons}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Uhh, nothing! Let's go already!

''{The six go inside the big door. Cut to nebulon watching the six on a TV}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "Well, this is awkward."</blockquote>
'''NEBULON:''' They beat my army? But how? Now they went through my door that has nothing behind it but me!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "We're right here, you know."</blockquote>
This is worse than beans!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Offscreen}'' Yes it is bozo!

'''NEBULON:''' Who said that?

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Offscreen}'' I did!

''{Camera zooms over to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Give us that capsule!

'''NEBULON:''' ''{Offscreen}'' Never! Pot,
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''Of terror''</blockquote>
send these wierdo's to the lunar wearhouse!

'''1-UP:''' Uh oh! Not the...

''{Before 1-Up can finish, he, KickCheat, Stinkoman, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat disappear. Camera zooms over to Nebulon}''

'''NEBULON:''' Yes! They're gone! ''{quickly}'' It was the only excuse to make this e-mail longer!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "Ow! My spleen!" said the fourth wall.</blockquote>
''{Cut to the outside of the lunar wearhouse. KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat appear}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That's a</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' Ker-rap! Now we got to get through a crappy house on the moon!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' What's so crappy about it?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Since when does he need a reason?</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' There is a spikey wall infront of it!

'''STINKOMAN:''' Uh guys. Look down. There is a ladder.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Yeah, there really is a ladder!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Oh, I thought he was lying.</blockquote>
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

''{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat go down the ladder one at a time. Cut to the basement of the lunar wearhouse}''

'''1-UP:''' Uh, now what?

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Look. There is nothing here! ''{walks to the right}'' All we need to do is just walk through!

''{An arrow nearly hits KickCheat. He stops walking}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Uh, never mind that!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I never do.</blockquote>
Who wants to go through?

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Translated: "Not me, you freakin' recolor."</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' You want to go through?

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Translated: "No way, man! I'll gnaw your freakin' face off if you do something!"</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' Okay.

''{The Cheat starts to walk through
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Is pushed through</blockquote>
the trap part of the room. Arrows, knives, giant stones and an anivil misses him}''

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Translated: "What the crap was that for? You're lucky I'm deathly afraid of going through that again!"</blockquote>
''{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad and Homestar stand still surprised}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' They were surprised before that?</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Holy crap! That was amazing!

'''1-UP:''' That guy is braver than Stinkoman!

'''STINKOMAN:''' Stut up 1-Up!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' KickCheat cannot seriously think "shut" is spelled this way.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Come on! Time to walk on through!

''{They walk to the right of the screen.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' (SCENE MISSING!)</blockquote>
Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat in a hollow room with a throne with a capsule on it}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Hey, look! The capsule!

''{KickCheat runs up to the throne and grabs the capsule}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' That's two down. Four to go!

''{Put's the capsule away}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Put is the capsule away? Am I supposed to decipher this?</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' Nebulon must have hid it here.

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Speaking of Nebulon.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Speaking of your broken sentences.</blockquote>
We still have to get rid of him.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' No we don't. We just have to leave the moon.

'''1-UP:''' We can jump off the moon!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That seems physically plausible.</blockquote>
'''STINKOMAN:''' Yeah! If we're lucky, we can land in the pink cloud zone!

''{Cut to KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat outside the lunar wearhouse}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' So, how do we jump off the moon?

'''NEBULON:''' ''{Offscreen}'' There is no way off the moon for heroes!

''{Nebulon walks onscreen}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' You again!

'''NEBULON:''' Me again!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Them again!</blockquote>
'''STRONG BAD:''' Oh, I have something for you! ''{Punches Nebulon in the eye}''

'''NEBULON:''' MEOW!!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Maybe if you punch him in the crotch, he'll purr.</blockquote>
'''1-UP:''' Get out of here Nebulon! No one likes your style! ''{Kicks Nebulon's other eye}''

'''NEBULON:''' Help! I'm blind!

'''STINKOMAN:''' This is our chance to escape!

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

''{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat jump onto Nebulon.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Oh, no. Is someone gonna get raped again?</blockquote>
Then they jump off him}''

'''NEBULON:''' Please tell me you guys are gone!

''{Crickets chirp}''

'''NEBULON:''' Crap! I failed!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''{confused}'' But I thought you wanted them to be gone. You gave that implication before the crickets and I'm getting mixed signals here.</blockquote>
''{Cut KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat falling towards earth}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Gladly!</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' So that's how you jump off the moon!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Nebulon approved!

''{They fall until they reach the pink cloud zone}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' Here is where capsule number three is!

''{They fall onto some clouds}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' That was wicked!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' So, the clouds are hard enough to not fall through, but soft enough to not break any bones on? ''{explodes}''</blockquote>
''{Some pink clouds turn black}''

'''STINKOMAN:''' An evil force is causing this!

'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Makes some The Cheat noises}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Yeah! We need to find that third capsule quick!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Yeah!

''{KickCheat, Stinkoman, 1-Up, Strong Bad, Homestar and The Cheat walk offscreen. Cut to Tampo's lair}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''{rises from offscreen}'' Wh-where am I? And who am I?</blockquote>
'''TAMPO:''' So Stlunko. What is the curent status of the capsules?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And why can't that brain spell "current" right? He's a brain!</blockquote>
'''STLUNKO:''' Nebulon is now blind and the second capsule has been taken by those guys.

'''TAMPO:''' Nuts! I though we had 100% death up on the moon!

'''STLUNKO:''' They somehow lived through all of the traps.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Maybe you just suck at making traps.</blockquote>
'''TAMPO:''' Brody! Where are they right now?

'''BRODY:''' The pink cloud zone.

'''TAMPO:''' Ah, The Liekand will get them!

'''BRODY:''' As long he doesn't go into his salesman routine.

'''TAMPO:''' SHUT UP!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' OH NOW HE</blockquote>
'''BRODY:''' Sorry.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Hey, my memory's back...crap.</blockquote>
''{The paper comes down}''

RiffText/KickCheat E-mails/Nebulon's Army - Revision history

JCM: the horror continues!