JCM: that's about it for the day

2010-11-26T04:14:16Z

that's about it for the day

New page

'''KickCheat E-mails #11'''

KickCheat moves to the Wiki User Wiki and is asked why he hasn't answered an E-mail in almost 3 years.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' 3 years? Hey, maybe his writing has improved and I won't be as miserable riffing thi-oh, who am I kidding?</blockquote>
'''Cast:''' (in order of appearance): KickCheat, Moving Person, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, The King of Town, Statue

'''Places:''' KickCheat's Old House, KickCheat's House, The Computer Room, The Old Computer Room, The Field, The Stick, The King of Town's Castle, Crazy Virtual Land

'''Computer:''' Roido 256

'''Lines:''' 81

== Script ==

''{Cut to a moving van outside KickCheat's Old House. KickCheat is carrying a box labeled "NES-N64 Nintendo Games"}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' They're the only things important to him.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Ugh! Who ever thought that a box of 50 or so games would be so heavy!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Ugh! Who ever thought a lump of 50 or so pounds would be so weak?</blockquote>
'''MOVING PERSON:''' That's because you are small and have tiny arms!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' OH I GET IT NOW</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Yeah, well let's see you carry that TV over there! ''{Points to a TV}''

'''MOVING PERSON:''' Fine, I will!

''{The Moving Person tries to lift the TV, but fails}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''FAILS''</blockquote>
'''MOVING PERSON:''' Wait!

''{The Moving Person tries to lift a nearby stack of Wii Games, but fails again}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''DOUBLE FAILS''</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Wow, you are weaker than I am. It looks like I'll have to call Strong Mad for some help. ''{Pulls out a phone and starts dialing}''

'''MOVING PERSON:''' All right! You caught me! I'm only good at driving the truck. I can't lift anything.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' But don't you have to lift your arms to drive the</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Congrads! You failed to pick on me!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Leave it to the experts, pal.</blockquote>
''{Starts talking over the phone}'' Hey Strong Mad, I need your help......Really, you will?....Thanks!.....Bye! ''{Throws the phone into the Nintendo Games box}'' I'm sure this will take several hours until I have everything packed!

''{Screen fades out. The words "Several Hours And/Or Minutes Later" appear. Fade out to KickCheat and Strong Mad at the Moving Van}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Wow, that took several hours and/or minutes!

'''STRONG MAD:''' IT TOOK 4 HOURS IN DOG YEARS!!!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You learn something weird every day.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' Ookay then. ''{Hops into the moving van}'' Well, I'm out of FCUSA! I'll be back maybe 64 or so e-mails later!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I never want to see you there again. Again! Do you hear me?</blockquote>
See you later Graw Mad! Tell everyone I said bye! ''{The moving van drives away quickly}''

'''STRONG MAD:''' 64 IS TOO LONG!!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' THAT ISN'T WHAT SHE SAID!</blockquote>
''{Screen fades out. The words "21 Dog Days Later" appear. Cut to KickCheat at his Computer in his new Computer Room}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' It took three days, but I have finally settled in to my new house located in WUW Land
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''The Crappiest Place on Earth''</blockquote>
or whatever it was called again. ''{Silence}'' Alright! Let's check an e-mail on my new computer! The Roido 256! ''{Opens an e-mail}''

<blockquote class="lappy email">
<div>subject: SO LONG...</div>
Dear KickCheat,<br>
<br>
It's been nearly 3 years since your last e-mail! What have<br>
you been doing all this time?<br>
<br>
Sincerely<br>
Grandma Higgleston-erson
</blockquote>

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Silence}'' Uh. ''{Typing}'' Wow, you have the oddest name in the history of odd names.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Don't even pretend like you don't own that title.</blockquote>
But that is nothing compared to what I got to say. Anyways, the reason why I haven't checked an e-mail since July or August 2006 is...well...it's a long story.

''{The screen cuts to KickCheat's old computer room. The words "Flashback: August 2006" appear at the top of the screen, which dissapear
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You dising me?</blockquote>
shortly after}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Narrating}'' It all started back on that day back in August 2006...

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Ugh! When will that book arrive?! ''{Doorbell rings}''

''{KickCheat zooms offscreen leaving a cloud behind labeled "PING!".
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Dude, you should at least say "excuse me".</blockquote>
Cut to KickCheat at his front door}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Yeah? ''{Silence}'' Huh? ''{Opens the door. Sees a package on the front door step}''Oh boy! It's here!

''{KickCheat takes the package and leaves. Cut to KickCheat's old computer room}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Yay! It's here! And what a coincidence that it arrived at the same time I got fustrated with it taking so long to get here!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Yes, what a coincidence indeed.</blockquote>
''{Opens the package and lifts out of it a red book}'' My Mother 1 Novel has arrived!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?</blockquote>
''{Throws package offscreen. A loud glass breaking sound is made}'' I bet what ever broke isn't important!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That was probably just my brain you heard. Don't worry. I only use it to keep my body functioning.</blockquote>
''{Opens book}'' Aww sure, the whole thing is in japanese, but I can translate it with my good friend the internet!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I hope it's a long novel. A very, very long novel.</blockquote>
''{Screen fades out. The words "1 and a 5/12 Dog Years Later" appear. Cut to KickCheat looking very weird}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' So he's looking normal?</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' I spent a good year trying to translate this and all I got was one chapter! If I keep up at this rate, I'll have the whole thing translated by.....2016 ''{Silence}'' ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' YES YES PLEASE IT'S WORTH IT</blockquote>
''{KickCheat runs out of his old computer room screaming. Cut to KickCheat in the field still screaming, mowing and running over various things like a flower, The Stick, a Big Rock, Strong Sad, and The King of Town's Castle}''

'''THE KING OF TOWN:''' ''{From inside his castle}'' Poopsmith! I think I'm getting my mega-physical again!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Narrating}'' I still have no idea how I managed to do that. ''{Screen fades to black}'' After that, people thought I went missing. I was actually hiding behind Bub's concession stand eating some of his things in secret. I did this for about a year, maybe a year and 4 months. Then I went home and I found a pair of big red goggles on a stand sitting on my desk. How it got there? Who knows.

''{Cut to KickCheat's old computer room. There are a pair of big red goggles on a stand at the side of his computer. KickCheat walks in}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Whew. That will most likely be the crazyist
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Wackyist.<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Goofyist.<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Misspelled synonymist.</blockquote>
year of my life. ''{Looks at the red goggles}'' NO! IT CAN'T BE.

''{KickCheat grabs the pair of big red goggles on a stand}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' IT'S......THE VIRTUAL BOY!!!!!

''{Crickets chirp}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Happily}'' Let's try it out!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What? I never agreed to</blockquote>
''{KickCheat sets up the Virtual Boy and starts playing}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Narrating}'' Boy, I must have been at the end of my rope there! Because what happened next is just....just watch.

''{Screen fades out. The words "5 hours Later" appear. Cut to KickCheat still playing the Virtual Boy. Everything is coloured in Black and Red}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' No yellow? Gee, this is a racist game.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' That's enough for today. I didn't get a single seizure or headache.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Don't worry. I got enough for both of us.</blockquote>
Maybe I'm lucky! ''{Removes head from the Virtual Boy. His jaw drops} HOLY SAINT NICK ON A STICK! What the heck happened?! Everything is like....Moonside. I hope evil Mani Mani isn't here.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Narrating}'' It looks like I had Earthbound on the mind at that momment. Because things sure got weirder than Grandma Higgleston-erson from that point.

'''KICKCHEAT:''' I'm going to go outside.

''{KickCheat leaves the room. Cut to the field. Everything is red and black and the ground and sky have reversed. KickCheat walks onscreen}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Have you been sniffing those goggles? The chemicals they clean them with are serious shiz.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' I don't remember walking on the sky. ''{Looks down}'' Aww crap!

''{KickCheat falls offscreen. Cut to a forest with upside down trees. KickCheat falls into one and hangs on to it. He loses his grip and falls}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

''{Cut to a strange void covering the ground. KickCheat falls onto it}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' How am I not being sucked in to this vortex?

''{A strange statue pops out of the void}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Worried}'' Who are you?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''"I am the ghost of Gaming Past."''</blockquote>
'''STATUE:''' I am Mani Mani.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Is that ghost of Gaming Past in Japanese?</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' NO! You are just something from my imagination! You must die!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That seems reasonable.</blockquote>
'''MANI MANI:''' Just try to hurt me!

''{Mani Mani summons lightning and zaps KickCheat}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I enjoyed that role.</blockquote>
'''KICKCHEAT:''' OWWWW! YOU ASKED FOR IT!

''{KickCheat mows
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' They see me mowing...</blockquote>
over Mani Mani, destroying him}''

'''MANI MANI:''' Don't think this is over! I'll be back! As long as you got the Virtual Boy!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You got the goods, yo.</blockquote>
''{Mani Mani dissapears
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Dising me again. I hope you're pleased.</blockquote>
and the screen flashes. Cut to KickCheat lying on the floor in the old computer room. The Virtual Boy is destroyed}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Huh? ''{Gets up}'' Was that just a dream or did that really happen?

''{Evil laughter comes from the Virtual Boy}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Gulp! It was real! I got to get out of here. Fast!

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Narrating}'' So then I decided to move far away. In the end. I decided WUW Land or whatever it was called place.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Place is not a verb, sweetie.</blockquote>
''{Cut to KickCheat in the present time in his new Computer Room}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' ''{Typing}'' So from there on out, I started to work on getting packed up for the move. It took a while to get everything packed up and to find a decent moving company. Then yesterday, I has finally able to move from FCUSA and left that Virtual Boy behind. I hope nothing as crazy as that ever happens again. ''{Stops typing}'' So until next time, do your self a favor and don't
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Sniff</blockquote>
play the Virtual Boy. You'll go nuts.

''{The Paper comes down}''

'''KICKCHEAT:''' Hey The Paper! How's it been!

RiffText/KickCheat E-mails/Move - Revision history

JCM: that's about it for the day