JCM: RiffText Goes Hawaiin

2013-12-14T20:18:07Z

RiffText Goes Hawaiin

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If you need instructions on how to get through the grass, check out the enclosed

<big><big><big><big>GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER</big></big></big></big>
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''{Cut to Emerl and Gemerl, both wearing bathing suits and holding towels.}''

'''EMERL:''' BEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEACHBEAHCHBEACHBEACHBEACHIWANNGOTOTHEBEACH.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I wonder where they're going in this episode.</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' Hold your horses! We need to wait for everyone else.

'''EMERL:''' Why?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I agree with this. Why? Aren't two idiots on a beach good enough?</blockquote>

''{Dalek comes in.}''

'''DALEK:''' By the way, I brought some friends.

''{R2-D2, and C-P30 come in.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' NO</blockquote>

'''C-P30:''' Oh my Oh Dear. Greetings. I am C-P30.

'''GEMERL:''' That's fine. Hear from anybody else before you got here?

''{Jeran runs in with no armor, a bathing suit, and a towel}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' NOOO</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' BEEEEEEEEAAAAACH TIEEEEM!

'''GEMERL:''' Well, nice to see Emerl isn't the only one with enthusiasm.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' There is nothing nice about about this at all.</blockquote>

'''R2-D2:''' BEEP BOP BEEP!!! ''{Flies into the deep water, so he can't be seen. A Camera comes out of the water.}''

'''GEMERL:''' Your friend just jumped into a tub.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "And should be dead because he's a robot, but we'll never mention that."</blockquote>

'''C-P30:''' I know. He's excitable.

'''JERAN:''' Hey, Gemerl! Let's go build a sand replica of my homeland!

''{R2-D2 Comes out, and projects a mini hologram of Meridell, along with a hologram of King Skarl.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I DON'T KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE</blockquote>

'''C-P30:''' Oh my. It's your homeland.

'''JERAN:''' Hold up, R2. Hold that hologram for a sec...and DONE!

''{Jeran finishes a sand sculpture of King Skarl}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' despite them not being at the beach yet</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' What a beauty. ''{kicks it, destroying it}'' WHEE!

'''GEMERL:''' We aren't at the beach yet!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Jeran made those sand sculptures with his ''mind''.</blockquote>

''{Everything stops, and the background turns into the Beach.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What a magnificent display of lazy writing!</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' Oh. Now, how about that sand castle?

'''C-P30:''' I would gladly make a sandcastle.

'''JERAN:''' SURF TIME! WOOHOO! ''{runs into the ocean with a surfboard}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' When did he have a surfboard? Oh wait, I forgot, He can make things with his ''mind''.</blockquote>

'''R2-D2:''' Beep Bop Beep. Whoa!!!! ''{Opens hatch, and many tools pop out. He then speeds around, and a cloud of sand surrounds him. When it clears, a big Sand Replica of Yoda is made.}''

'''JERAN:''' WHEE! ''{Jeran slides in on the shore}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' That was the shortest surfing trip ever.</blockquote>

''{Chaos walks by everyone. He's dressed normally.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Hey, guys! Anyone going to sign up for the surf contest? I'm a ref.

'''GEMERL:''' Surf contest? Dalek, why don't you and R2 compete in the surf contest?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Because they're robots and would die.</blockquote>

I'm sure when The others come along, they'll join it.

'''DALEK:''' We don't have legs though. :(

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "And we're robots and would die. :((("</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' So? I don't think that's a factor. But R2 has legs. Just...small ones.

''{R2-D2 Floats up, to reveal his "legs".}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' The Star Wars junkie in me is having a seizure.</blockquote>

'''DALEK:''' Meh. I suppose. ....TO THE SURF COMP!!!

''{Jeran finishes sculpting a sand sculpture of Gutsman}''

'''JERAN:''' DAHNAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ''{points to Gutsman's buttocks}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I...don't know how to react to that.</blockquote>

'''IORI:'''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' NO</blockquote>

''{falls down from the top of the screen and lands on the sand sculpture of Gutsman}'' I'm never going to fly in a hot air balloon again. Did I just fall on a sand sculpture?

'''GEMERL:''' Not an important one.

'''IORI:''' Aight.

'''JERAN:''' YOU DESTROYED GUTSMAN'S ASS!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Gutsman's Ass was obviously the best character.</blockquote>

''{A random bird fires a giant laser at Jeran.}'''

'''EMERL:''' Puppy said a swear!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' No, he didn't. He was obviously referring to Gutsman's donkey.</blockquote>

'''IORI:''' MY EARS!!!!

'''GEMERL:''' WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, IDIOT!?!?!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' !?!?!?!?!</blockquote>

''{Emerl begins to hit Jeran on the head with a shovel.}''

'''JERAN:''' Um...they changed that rule a while ago. That's why the writers of Aruseus Emails allow Wolf to say "damn."

'''EMERL:''' Not that! You said "Gutsman." Gutsman is a terrible swear.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What a pitiful attempt to look less like an ass, 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And no, I don't mean "ass" as in donkey.</blockquote>

'''IORI:''' Gutsman? Ew. Sounds gory.

'''EMERL:''' Wait. I said it too. AAAAAAHHH! CLEANSE THE HATE! CLEANSE THE HATE!

''{Emerl runs into the water and gets electrocuted.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Thank God.</blockquote>

'''EMERL:''' OK, I'm better now.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' NOOO</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' Gutsman is a boss in Megaman 1, and later games. He's called ''Guts''man because he's got guts and muscle and stuff!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' And stuff!</blockquote>

'''EMERL:''' CLEANSE THE HATE! ''{Emerl picks up Jeran and runs into the water with him. The two get electrocuted.}''

'''EMERL:''' Did it work?

'''PATRICK:''' ''{enters}'' Whatcha guys doin'?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You've been on this show long enough to know that they never do anything.</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' ''{dazed}'' Airman's weakness is the Item-2. Beat him and you get the Leaf Shield.

'''PATRICK:''' Megaman? Nah, not interested.

'''EMERL:''' Jeran sweared.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Which is totally a word.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Jeran, shame on you. What word did he use?

'''IORI:''' Either "Gutsman" or- ''{intterupted}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "{intterupted}"? How dare he!</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Gutsman? A Megaman character? I take back the "shame on you", Jeran.

'''EMERL:''' <big><big><big>'''CLEANSE THE HATE!!!!!!!!!!'''</big></big></big>

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' <big><big><big>'''BURN IN A FIRE!!!!!!!!!!'''</big></big></big></blockquote>

''{Emerl shoots a net device from his hand, captures Iori, Patrick, and Jeran, and runs into the water, electrocuting all 4 people.}''

'''EMERL:''' Stop swearing!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Electrocuting people is a great way to get this point across.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Wow, he must be that bad of a character, eh?

'''KANO:''' ''{teleports in}'' GUTSMAN GUTSMAN GUTTY GUTTY GUTSMAN!!!!!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Speaking of bad characters...</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' ''{holds up a picture of Gutsman}'' Emerl, who's this?

'''EMERL:''' ''{While electrocuting Kano}'' I dunno. Bad?

'''KANO:''' ''{uppercuts Emerl}'' Gotcha!

'''GEMERL:''' We're here to have fun, not to swear and fight. Leave that for Fight Club.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I bet you've never even see Fight Club.</blockquote>

'''EMERL:''' The first rule about Fight is that you don't allow Emerl into FIght Club.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' RIght.</blockquote>

'''CARTOON LUIGI:''' Hey guys!

'''GEMERL:''' Not now, loser.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' We have now established that the character "Gemerl" is a big fat bully.</blockquote>

'''EMERL:''' So, can we make a sand castle?

'''IORI:''' Lets make a life size one!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I'm sure that lets do.</blockquote>

'''KANO:''' ''{snaps his fingers and a life size sand castle appears}'' Done!

'''EMERL:''' That's not what I meant! ''{tears the castle down}'' Me, Jeran, and Gemerl were going to re-build Meridell. Why don't youi 3 enter the surf competition?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Because Youi 3 has something better to do.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Nah, I'm terrible with balance. Iori and Kano can enter though.

'''EMERL:''' OK. Wanna help build Sand-Meridell, Patrick?

'''PATRICK:''' Sure.

'''IORI:''' Surfin' time!

'''KANO:''' Excelent!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''{singing to the tune of [[wikipedia:The First Noel|The First Noel]]}'' Two l's, two l's, "excellent" has two l's. If you don't want my hate, you should learn how to spell.</blockquote>

''{Iori and Kano run off, and everyone else begins to build a sand castle. Cut to the surf contest.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Everyone, gather around! I am Judge Chaos. You will be judged on a scale from 1 to 10, based off of your performance on the contest. The contest starts in 15 Minutes.

'''IORI:''' Since when is ''he'' the judge?!?!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Since the beginning of this episode.</blockquote>

'''CHAOS:''' They sent me the application last week. What? Are you afraid I'll give you bad scores?

'''KANO AND IORI:''' Yes!

'''CHAOS:''' Well, I won't.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' He won't ''give'' Kano and Iori bad scores. They'll ''earn'' the bad scores.</blockquote>

'''IORI:''' Good.

'''CHAOS:''' So, you two go grab some boards.

'''IORI:''' Aight. ''{Kano and Iori go get some surfing boards. Cut back to the other guys and the sand castle}''

'''EMERL:''' Well, we've finished Illusen's Glade, Half of Meridell Castle, Darigan, the petpet shop,

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' the whatwhat what</blockquote>

Turmaculus, and 17 trees.

'''PATRICK:''' And in less than 10 minutes too. ''{notices Shao Kahn walking by}'' Hey Shao, want to help us with this sand castle?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' please say no please say no</blockquote>

'''SHAO KAHN:''' Sure, I don't have to much to do at this beach anyway.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' dammit</blockquote>

'''R2-D2:''' Beep bop beep!

'''DALEK:''' Whoa! Watch your language R2! But yeah.. We're ready!

'''EMERL:''' Did he say what I think he just said?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' If you think he just said "beep bop beep", then yes.</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' What, is Cutman a swear now?

'''EMERL:''' Nope.

'''GEMERL:''' Jeran, do you happen to know where the sifter and shovel went?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' No, but he can make them with his ''mind''.</blockquote>

'''JERAN:''' Here! ''{pulls sifter and shovel out of hammerspace}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' NO HE USED HIS MIND</blockquote>

Hm...Gutsman's ass, versus Weegee, versus Malleo, versus Mr. Hedgehog...who'd win?

'''EMERL:''' I've got the portable stinger ready. ''{electrocutes Jeran}'' Cleanse the Hate.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What's with Emerl and reusing unfunny jokes over and over until they're even less funny? First FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE, and now this. He's on a roll with the crappy running gags.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Who'd win? Easy. Scorpion.

'''JERAN:''' Objection. And Emerl, if you shock me one more time, I'll thrust my sword through you and perform Ike's Aether with the sword still through you.

'''JERAN:''' OK! After that 509, we're back!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Did he just do two lines in a row? DID HE JUST DO TWO LINES IN A ROW?</blockquote>

'''DALEK:''' ''{Comes in crying.}'' ALRIGHT! WHO DID THIS? ''{Holds up a piece of paper with a giant censor sign on it. Everyone looks disgusted at it.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' What's so disgusting about a censor sign?</blockquote>

'''C-3P0:''' Oh my! If I could, I would throw up.

'''DALEK:''' Who drew this though? IT'S DISGUSTING!

'''JERAN:''' Gimme that. ''{Jeran takes the paper and rips it up looking away from it}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Commas are your friend.</blockquote>

'''DALEK:''' Thank you. That picture was a crime against nature.

'''EMERL:''' It was a Well?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Is Emerl JCM in disguise? 
'''JCM:''' I heard that!</blockquote>

'''DALEK:''' Disgusting stuff.

'''EMERL:''' '''''2''''' Wells?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I think we've already established that it's a censor sign,</blockquote>

'''DALEK:''' I'm not gonna say it, because you're gonna google it, and then get me sued.

'''EMERL:''' You can tell me. What could I sue you for?

'''DALEK:''' ''{Whispers to Emerl.}''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' ''{Rolls his eyes at Dalek.}''</blockquote>

'''EMERL:''' That's not that bad. It's just part of the circle of life.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Hakuna matata.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' What did he say?

'''EMERL:''' ''{Whispering to patrick}'' I have no frickin' idea.

'''PATRICK:''' Ah yes. I guess the world will never know.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Nor will the world ever care.</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' You may want to go back to the Surf Contest. It's starting without you.

'''PATRICK:''' ...I didn't enter the surf contest.

'''GEMERL:''' Then you die.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Surf contests are serious business.</blockquote>

''{Gemerl sends a huge sword through Patrick. He dies and comes back as a ghost.}''

'''EMERL:''' You're going to Hell for that.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Now I ''know'' he's JCM is disguise! 
'''JCM:''' Why are you acting like that would be a bad thing?</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' I figured.

'''JERAN:''' Wrong. He'll go to ''Robot'' Hell, where Heatman and Beelzebot are.

'''EMERL:''' And ''Tommy Chong''?

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' HA HA HA IT'S A POP CULTURE REFERENCE LOOK AT US WE'RE HIP 
'''JCM:''' It's a Weird Al reference. You'd know that if you listened to good music. In fact, I think you're treating this Emerl character too harshly in general. He doesn't seem too bad. 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Where did you come from, anyway? 
'''JCM:''' You left the window unlocked. 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I ''knew'' I was forgetting something!</blockquote>

''{Silence.}''

'''EMERL:''' Right.

'''GEMERL:''' OK, Now you're just blowing that out of proportion. He'll be back next episode.

'''EMERL:''' I feel it is my utmost pride to say ''{bashes Gemerl over the head with a hammer reading "Breakage"}'' '''{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE TO DA MAX!!!}'''

<blockquote>'''JCM:''' Okay, never mind. He is an awful character, despite his wonderful taste in music. 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Told you. 
'''JCM:''' And he isn't me in disguise! 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Sure he isn't.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' ''{reforms as his original human form}'' WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!?

<blockquote>'''JCM:''' ?!?!?!?!? 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Now you ruined it.</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' Or he could do it now and stop a potential continuity error.

'''PATRICK:''' If you do that again, I'm going to fire you. I swear!

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' I thought swearing was wrong. 
'''JCM:''' Swearing ''is'' wrong! 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Of course it is.</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' I'm not employed to you!

'''PATRICK:''' I mean from this series!

''{Emerl attatches''

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Rat a tat tatches.</blockquote>

''dynamite to Jeran, and holds his finger dangerously close to the button.}''

'''EMERL:''''''{FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}'''

<blockquote>'''JCM:''' Does he realize how terribly annoying that is? 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Nope. I'm pretty sure he's living in how own little fantasy world by now.</blockquote>

''{Gemerl disconnects the bombs and removes them form Jeran.}''

<blockquote>'''JCM:''' Form Jeran sounds like a pretty weird way to remove something. 
'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Hey, that riff actually wasn't half-bad. 
'''JCM:''' Yeah...that was totally a riff.</blockquote>

'''GEMERL:''' Whoa there, Nelly. Not too comedic now.

'''JERAN:''' EMERL! JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET REMOVED FROM THIS FLASH SERIES BY PATRICK, CHAOS, AND RYAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BLOW ME TO BITS!

'''EMERL:''' But it they

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' it they we you</blockquote>

were going to remove you it would be a fine way to go out, don't you agree?

'''PATRICK:''' Gemerl isn't going to get removed from this series. ...As long as he doesn't kill anybody again.

<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Well, there went his chances of not getting removed from this series.</blockquote>

And this isn't a flash series.

''{Cut to Emerl attempting to hide filming equipment and a laptop with Flash on it.}''

'''EMERL:''' Well, not yet. heh heh heh heh...

<blockquote>'''JCM:''' Not creepy. Not creepy at all.</blockquote>

'''PATRICK:''' Let's get back to the sand castle!

'''EMERL:''' Agreed.

''{Cut to the Surf Contest.}''

'''CHAOS:''' OK, folks. Me, this sponge, and a box of Kit-Kats are ready to begin the contest! You have to stay on the waves the longest! Last one remaining is dubbed king of surf!

'''GIRL:''' Or queen?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, Queen was a good band.

'''GIRL:''' Oh, you men are all the same!

'''KANO:''' ''{shoots the girl with lightning}''

'''CHAOS:''' DUDE! That was the Kit-Kat boxes' girlfriend.

''{Cut to the Kit-Kat box. It sheds a single tear. Cut back.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Whatever. Ready...GO!

''{Everyone rushes into the water.}''

'''IORI:''' Wait, can I swim or not?

'''CHAOS:''' Find out for yourself!

'''IORI:''' Fiiiine.

'''KANO:''' I'm-a gonna win!

''{"5 Minutes Later..." appears onscreen, and Kano is holding a trophy.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't believe he-a won. Who didn't plant the mines? Was it you, Kit-Kat box?

''{Cut to the Kit-Kat box, on top of a pile of undersea explosives.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, just take the stupid trophy.

'''KANO:''' I heard you! You were going to have this contest fixed! You son of a- ''{intterupted}''

'''IORI:''' Language, Kano.

'''KANO:''' You speak english.

'''IORI:''' No, you have to watch yours! Anyways, who won 2nd and 3rd place?

'''CHAOS:''' Surprisingly, Kit Kat's girlfriend got second-

''{Cut back to The Kit-Kat tear scene from before.}''

'''CHAOS:''' And Nobody could win 3rd place because all but two of you got blasted away by the mines.

'''KANO:''' You freakin' rigged the contest and tried to make me or/and Iori lose, didn't ya'?

'''CHAOS:''' Well, no. Just Iori. And I would've gotten away with it too, if Kit-Kat would've planted the bombs he had!

'''IORI:''' What? Why me? What did I ever do to you?

'''CHAOS:''' Nothing. And that is very evil!

'''IORI:''' Your right, Kano. He ''is'' a son of a meanie.

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Gasps}'' YOU HATE ME! YAY! ''{Chaos hands Iori $1000 and the keys to a new car, as well as a tiny teddy bear.}'' There you go, new enemy. See you guys later! ''{walks off}''

''{Dalek rushes in again.}''

'''DALEK:''' Help! Help! He's gone mental!

''{Sephiroth rushes in too.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Ahem. I am going to take my authority as a creator, by being more active. And by doing that, I mean, I'm going to live in one of your homes, and hog your TV, and your icecream.

'''DALEK:''' He wants your real estate!

''{Emerl appears out of nowhere with a huge hammer}''

'''EMERL:'''YOU WON'T GET MY SUMEMR HOUSE! ''{beats Sephiroth into a bloody pulp}''

''{Sephiroth outs Dalek in the way, and throws it at Emerl, causing them both to fall.}''

'''DALEK:''' You're an Arse Sephiroth!

'''JERAN:''' MORTAL PEEP FIGHT!

''{Jeran takes his sword and trys to attack Sephiroth, but Sephiroth takes the sword and slices Jeran in half}''

(OOC: Sorry Seph)

'''JERAN:''' That...was unpleasant.

''{Emerl Shoots a huge hole through Seph's stomach.}''

'''EMERL:''' You did always want to go on a diet, right?

'''KUNG LAO:''' QUIT STEALING MY FATALITY!

''{OOC: Nah, it's fine. Using me as a tool of violence is okay in my book. :)}''

''{Sephiroth picks up his flesh, and puts it back in place.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ...I know the ultimate punishment!! Stay back, or I'll use it!

''{Jeran is slowly dragging himself on the ground, trying to reach his own sword}''

'''JERAN:''' Must...reach...

''{Sephiroth picks up the sword, and puts it away.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I said, STAY BACK!

'''ROBOT SMOKE (MORTAL KOMBAT):''' ''{steals the sword from Sephiroth and runs away}'' Yoink!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I DON'T NEED THE SWORD!!! MY ATTACK IS MUCH MORE POWERFUL!

'''PATRICK:''' Suuuure. Is the sand castle done?

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I'll do it! It's worse than..... THE FREAKIN' ONE WINGED ANGEL, KEFKA, AND CHERNABOG FUSED!!!!

'''PATRICK:''' ...I don't speak Final Fantasy.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' It makes.... umm.... SUB ZERO EXPLODE!!!

'''SUB-ZERO (MORTAL KOMBAT):''' ''{walks onscreen}'' Hey, guys! ''{explodes}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I haven't done it yet. It makes Satan look like Bambi!

'''PATRICK:''' Well, apparently it makes Sub-Zero explode.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Well, it's something to be reconed with anyway.

'''JERAN:''' Help. ''{waves hand}''

'''KANO:''' ''{teleports in, and restores Jeran}'' Done. You're not cut in half anymore.

'''EMERL:''' I'LL MAKE YOU EXPLODE!

''{Emerl ties the dynamite to Sephiroth.}''

'''EMERL:''' Somebody seems to have forgotten that Seph broke the fourth wall a while back.

''{Emerl blows Sephiroth up.}''

'''JERAN:''' Tanks, Kano. FOR MERIDELL!

''{Jeran runs into the explosion, sending him sky-high. He then falls down in pieces}''

'''JERAN:''' Well that sucked. This is worse than being sliced in two. I'm like...exploded in...erm...7.

'''KANO:''' ''{restores Jeran again}''

''{The Smoke clears, revealing Sephiroth in a perfectaly perfect state of perfect perfection. Did I mention he was in perfectaly perfect form?}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Beep}'' you Emerl. ''{Beep}'' you to ''{Beep.}'' Time for your death.

''{Music starts.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Singing, and everyone clutches their ears in horror.}''
I'ts a piece of cake 
to bake a pretty cake if the way is hazy 
you gotta do the cooking by the book you know you can't be lazy 
never use a messy recipe the cake would end up crazy 
if you do it by the book then you'll have a cake 
we gotta have it made you know that I love cake 
finally it's time to make a cake!

'''EMERL:''' THIS SONG SUCKS! ''{Covers his voice receptors}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Well, you deserved it. You attack me for no reason.

'''EMERL:''' Oh, dang!

''{Cut to the destroyed sand replica.}''

'''EMERL:''' We accidentally destroyed the village!

'''GEMERL:''' Well, that sucks. Who wants to go home?

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Only if I get to torture Emerl with my Lazytown singing. I'll give you 10 bucks for you to let me do it.

'''GEMERL:''' Fifteen.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I don't have another 5 bucks, so... 20. I just need to payback Emerl for him being a ''{Beep.}''

'''GEMERL:''' Deal. ''{Pockets the $20, unscrews Emerl's head, and hands it to Sephiroth}'' I usually like to kick it into his body, it you'd like some tips.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Plugs in an Ipod, and a Portable DVD player in Emerls head, and screws it back on.}'' There. He has no choice But watch Lazytown, and listen to its songs at the same time! That, Gemerl, is the ultimate torture.

''{Jeran slices himself apart for no reason}''

'''JERAN:''' Kano, don't even think about it.

'''JERAN:'''

'''EMERL:''' I have a better idea: ''{explodes}''

'''GEMERL:''' That was a better idea.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' No mere mortal can resist, the evils of.... THE LAZYTOWN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

''{Emerl pokes Sephiroth's back. When he turns around, Emerl shoots a huge cannon in Sephiroth's face, blasting him away.}''

'''EMERL:''' Whoops he ran into my cannon.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Flies back down, and starts attacking Emerl.}'' BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE MADE FOR GENERATING HAYLEY JOEL OSMENT AND UWE BOLL MOVIES!!! ''{Kicks Emerls head, and whacks him with his own cannon, and proceeds to beat him up. Dalek comes in.}''

'''DALEK:''' Wha?!

'''KANO:''' QUIT FIGHTING!!!!

''{Gemerl shoots Kano and pops a chair up over his corpse he sits down on it and starts eating popcorn}''

'''GEMERL:''' This is good.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' He started it! This idiot started to attack me for no good reason! I asked for a hotel to live in, and he tried to smash me to death! So I think I should have the right to beat him up! ....I'll give you 20 bucks.

'''KANO:''' ''{ressurects and throws Gemerl and the chair away from him}'' I don't really give a crap who started it, I'll finish it!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Don't worry, it's over now. ''{Pan down, to see Emerl all beaten up.}''

''{Cut to Emerl, who was watching the ordeal as well. Emerl lifts up the Body of Emerl to reveal it was a doll.}''

'''EMERL:''' And that's why I didn't complain about being beaten up:Because I wasn't. Now, let's all go home. ''{hands Seph $20}'' that's for trying and failing so many times.

''{They start walking to the horizon.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' You're a jerk Emerl.

''{Jeran's arm waves to them}''

'''JERAN:''' A little help here? My neck is filling up with sand.

''{Episode ends.}''

RiffText/Green Grass and High Tides Forever!/5 - Revision history

JCM: finished

JCM: RiffText Goes Hawaiin