JCM: bling gives a new meaning to the word "larp" (and "anticlimax")

2010-12-04T21:09:07Z

bling gives a new meaning to the word "larp" (and "anticlimax")

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<big>''' WARNING:IF YOU ARE JEWISH, THIS MAY OFFEND YOU'''</big>
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Jewish people are too busy running our companies to notice this stuff. You'll be fine.</blockquote>
== Summary ==
*Intro:(failed) Iron Man parody
*Cast:Grundy, 1-Up, Bling, Gregory Isaac Bronzman(DnD Greg), DnD Greg's mom(Avigail Bronzman), Anti-Bling/Ezekiel...
*Places:Bling's Computer Room, DnD Greg's house
== Transcript ==
''{Grundy crams a roll of bread down 1-up's throat}''

'''1-UP:'''''{distorted voice}'' I AM EMAIL MAAAAAN.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You just look like a freak with a roll of bread in your throat to me.</blockquote>
''{Grundy plays some distorted chords. 1-up coughs up the bread. Bling walks in}''

'''ALL:''' Has he d'leted email? Can he check or can't he type?

'''1-UP:''' Can he type at all? Or if he checks will he fail?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' He will.</blockquote>
'''GRUNDY:''' Is he typing at all-

''{the music dies down}''

'''GRUNDY:''' Y'know what? I can't do this. It's just repeating everything to the tune of "Iron Man".

'''BLING:''' Yeah, this sucks. Someone fire the script writer.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Someone actually writes this crap?</blockquote>
''{The Cheat walks off grumbling to himself}''

<blockquote class=bling>
<div>subject: rpg</div>
Dear Buh-ling,<br/>
Have you ever played any role-playing games with friends, like Dungeons and Dragons?<br/>
- Sketchstar Scribble
</blockquote>

'''BLING:''' AAH! THAT REMINDS ME! WHAT DAY IS IT?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' SCREAM LIKE AN IDIOT DAY!</blockquote>
'''GRUNDY:''' Thursday-OH FRAG!

'''1-UP:''' QUICK! GRUNDY, YOU GET THE COMPUTER! BLING! DO A MEANINGLESS VOICEOVER EXPLAINING THIS! I'LL GET THE CAR READY! ''{runs off}''

''{Grundy grabs the computer and him and Bling run off.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Grundy grabs the computer and him runs off.</blockquote>
Cut to outside the house. 1-up turns the car on. Bling and Grundy run outside and get in the car. 1-up drives off. Cut to a driving montage}''

'''BLING:'''''{voiceover}'' You see, every Thursday, me, 1-up, Grundy, and Anti-Bling go over to DnD Greg's, or, Greg Bronzman's house to play DnD.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' oh i get it now</blockquote>
No idea where Anti-Bling is, though.

''{cut to DnD Greg's house. 1-up drives up. The three get out of the car. DnD Greg opens the door}''

'''DND GREG:''' Hey, you made it! ''{looks around}'' Say, any idea where Anti-Bling is?

'''GRUNDY:''' We thought he was already here.

'''DND GREG:''' Hmm. Well, he isn't. Maybe we'll have a better chance of winning now.

'''1-UP:''' Yeah.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' The action never stops.</blockquote>
'''BLING:'''''{voiceover}'' Well, Anti-Bling is a DnD MASTER. We rarely beat him!

''{the four go inside the house. Cut to a Dungeon-styled basement. There are fake skeletons hanging from chains on the walls. A coffee table is styled to look like it rose out of the ground}''

'''BLING:''' Wow. You styled it to look like were in medieval times.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Oh. I thought he styled it to look like were in the 1980s.</blockquote>
'''DND GREG:''' Yeah. Do you like it?

'''GRUNDY:''' ''Like'' it? THIS IS AWESOME, GREG!

'''GREG:''' Thanks.

''{Greg's mom, Avigail Bronzman,
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Specifics are important.</blockquote>
opens the door}''

'''AVIGAIL:''' Greggie, there's another friend of yours here!

'''GREG:''' MO-OM! I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME DARK KNIGHT GREGORY WHEN I'M PLAYING!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' "Don't you take that tone of voice with me, young man!"</blockquote>
'''BLING:''' Wait, ''friend''?
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' He obviously doesn't have any friends.</blockquote>
'''GREG:''' Oh crap.

''{Anti-Bling walks in}''

'''GRUNDY:''' AARGH! HE'S HERE!

'''ANTI-BLING:''' Hehe.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Sheshe.</blockquote>
Prepare to be humiliated, guys.

'''AVIGAIL:''' Have fun! ''{walks away, closes the door}''

'''BLING:''' ''{sighs}'' Hey, Anti-Bling.

'''ANTI-BLING:''' Please. Call me
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Ishmael.</blockquote>
Ezekiel.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Close enough.</blockquote>
'''GRUNDY:'''''{eye twitches}'' MY GOD, IS ''EVERYONE'' HERE JEWISH?!!!

''{Ezekiel and Greg stare angrily at Grundy. Bling starts crying}''

'''BLING:''' I'm Jewish too, you ''{long bleep}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' You sound like a God-fearing man.</blockquote>
''{everyone stares at Bling surprised}''

'''BLING:'''''{now angry, demonic voice}'' Prepare to be defeated VEEERY EARRLY.

'''GRUNDY:'''''{scared}'' Eep.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' He's scared of a bell with ears.</blockquote>
''{cut to a 3-D Runescape-like dungeon. Five odd-looking humans are there. one has a yellow shirt with red boots(Grundy/Poultrosien). Another is wearing an orange cloak(Bling/Bronze Beat). Another is wearing a red cloak with a star on it(1-up/Puddeman). Another is a horned inverted form of the orange-cloaked one(Ezekiel/Sapphire Bomb). And the last one is wearing a pitch-black suit of armor(Greg/Dark Knight Gregory)}''

'''PUDDEMAN:''' Okay, let's-

''{a Panda-like dragon crushes Puddeman.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How unexpected.</blockquote>
A Stinkoman-like dragon (Dragonguy)flies in}''

'''DRAGONGUY:''' HAHAHA! PANDRAGON CAN'T FLY! HAHAHA! HE CRUSHED YOU! HAHAHA! HE'S A GOOD DRAGON!
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' How totally unexpected.</blockquote>
'''SAPPHIRE BOMB:''' BB, you get Poultrosien. ''I'' got Dragonguy.

'''BRONZE BEAT:''' Got it. ''{pulls out sword, charges at Poultrosien}''

''{Sapphire Bomb pulls out a water capsule, ands
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Bes careful.</blockquote>
forces it down Dragonguy's throat, extinguishing it}''

'''DRAGONGUY:''' IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? ''{pulls out a case of capsules labeled "Power Crunches", eats a capsule}''

'''SAPPHIRE BOMB:''' Heh. ''{pulls a piece of paper off the box. The label NOW reads "Poison Power Crunches}''

'''DRAGONGUY:''' Oh. F-
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' -unny.</blockquote>
''{dies}''

'''BRONZE BEAT:''' DIE, YOU HEBREWPHOBIC
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Maybe we'd respect you more if you didn't call us things like "hebrewphobic".</blockquote>
FREAK!!!! ''{stabs katanas into Poultrosien's chest, dissapars. reappears in orange ninja garb, throws some shuriken into the back of Poultrosien's head}''

'''POULTROSIEN:''' I... hate... you-''{dies}''

'''BRONZE BEAT:''' I killed him, Sapphire Bo-''{kills over}''

'''DKG:'''''{pulls lance out of BB's back}'' Haha. You let your guard down.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' First rule of DnD: Trust no one.</blockquote>
''{back explodes with shiny blue blood (sapphire chrystals)}'' Uhh-''{dies}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' FIRST RULE OF FREAKING DND!</blockquote>
'''SAPPHIRE BOMB:''' So did you. Wait... ''{looks behind him. Pandragon is wearing Puddeman's cloak (Pandrapuddu)}'' You weirdo. You fused with Puddeman! Hmph. ''{throws some pudding on Pandrapuddu's tail}''

'''PANDRAPUDDU:''' Ooh! ''{eats self out of existence}''
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Instead of just his tail, for some reason.</blockquote>
'''SAPPHIRE BOMB:''' Heh. I win again.

''{cut back to the basement}''

'''SAPPHIRE BOMB:''' Hehehe.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Theytheythey.</blockquote>
''{Bling is happy. all the others are grumbling to themselves.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' But Bling lost, too. He was stabbed by a basement dweller. I wouldn't be too jolly if that happened to me.</blockquote>
Cut back to the computer room}''

'''BLING:'''''{typing}'' Yeah, I know that's not real DnD. BUT, that's how WE play.
<blockquote>'''LIGHTNING GUY:''' Loser gets the egg!</blockquote>
''{the paper comes down}''

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JCM: bling gives a new meaning to the word "larp" (and "anticlimax")