RiffText/Bastard/Bratz - Revision history

Noxigar at 20:51, 29 November 2015

2015-11-29T20:51:40Z

Noxigar at 20:42, 29 November 2015

2015-11-29T20:42:09Z

Noxigar at 20:38, 29 November 2015

2015-11-29T20:38:31Z

Noxigar: Created page with "In the first ever review from me, TVB,
'''NAMINE:''' You thought your first kiss would be with Johnathan, but it was '''''me, Dio!'''''..."

2015-11-29T20:36:59Z

Created page with "In the first ever review from me, TVB, <blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' You thought your first kiss would be with Johnathan, but it was '''''me, Dio!'''''..."

New page

In the first ever review from me, [[User:TheValentineBros|TVB]],

<blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' You thought your first kiss would be with Johnathan, but it was '''''me, Dio!''''' 
''{Beat.}'' 
'''NAMINE:''' I think that was funnier in my head. 
'''NOXIGAR:''' Nope, funnier in mine.</blockquote>

I do a review in humanly passion

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' And I do a riff in ''Nobodyly'' passion</blockquote>

on one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

<blockquote>'''NAMINE:''' That's a pretty high bar to have. How many movies have you seen to make this judgment?</blockquote>

And tonight is the night were i review... ''{shudders}'' ''BRATZ THE MOVIE!''

That's right! Lionsgate's adaptation of an obvious slutty Barbie ripoff toyline!

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' This was in 2013, right? 
'''NAMINE:''' That's what it says on the main menu. 
'''NOXIGAR:''' Why are we continuing to describe things as "slutty" when there's almost no basis for it? 
'''NAMINE:''' Not everyone has "pointlessly seductive" or "excessively sultry" in their vocabulary? That's kind of my only valid explanation for it.</blockquote>

Now before I go ahead and rip this apart,

<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' He tries so hard to be He11sing920 that it's utterly frustrating. 
'''NAMINE:''' Didn't you at one point like He11sing920? 
'''NOXIGAR:''' For a couple months, tops. Then my inner Nostalgia Critic fan found his hipster rantings hypocritical. 
'''NAMINE:''' So your Doug Walker meta took in? 
'''NOXIGAR:''' Sure, let's... let's go with that, I guess. Everyone's using that "Most Effective Tactic Available" acronym nowadays for just about everything.
'''NAMINE:''' I thought it was Latin for "about." As in, "I'm about to question your bias on this guy's review style."</blockquote>

let me say that I am surprised that, of all things, Lionsgate released a film adaptation on the worst toyline ever, back when there were trailers of the movie in 2007. I never went and saw the movie that year. And now it's time for me to review it, so ''{sigh}'' let's just get the fuck over it!

So we get a film about Cloe, and her "memorable" friends, Yashmin, Sasha, and Jade. They are ready to go to high school for the first time. We're greeted with another stereotype, Meredith, and the hellcats. Yeah, hell is right. She wants everything to be organized, especially people. Yeah, that's the Meredith we wanted! ''{moans}''

So what I gathered is that Cloe loves to play soccer, Jon Voight, who is here for a paycheck to give to his daughter, Angelina Jolie, play as the principal, and some tweeny-bopper songs play making ''Hot Problems'' by Two Take look a lot like any Led Zeppelin song. Jade is also with the nerds, Sasha becomes a cheerleader, and Yashmin watches male porn. Okay, I'm kidding. Actually, she becomes a journalist major. Never in time did they explain what the hell is going on. They just met and they become friends in a matter of seconds.

The talent show is coming to high school, so they come up with an idea to make their own show. Thus, we get more terrible music! That's the plot. Nothing else happens. Nothing! I mean, there could be a film where there's high school kids trapped in a dungeon with viking music and classic '70s-'90s heavy metal music playing and there would be a climax where the high school kids have to be muddy, "LOL," and they find a way to defeat a wizard that is as smart as Einstein, travels all over the world with a flying monster truck, and beautiful babes that the high school men would be in love with. That would've been a better movie than what we have. So we're stuck to watching tweeny-bopper high school movies like ''Bratz the Movie.'' Nobody understands quality, time, logic, or anything.

let me tell you, this is one of the WORST movies ever. I'm dead serious! If you wanna suffer, go ahead and watch it. Otherwise, avoid it! Now burn it!

'''JOIN ME IN THE NEXT REVIEW!

BRATZ: THE MOVIE IS OWNED BY LIONSGATE'''

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:38, 29 November 2015
Line 33:		Line 33:

	let me say that I am surprised that, of all things, Lionsgate released a film adaptation on the worst toyline ever, back when there were trailers of the movie in 2007. I never went and saw the movie that year. And now it's time for me to review it, so ''{sigh}'' let's just get the fuck over it!		let me say that I am surprised that, of all things, Lionsgate released a film adaptation on the worst toyline ever, back when there were trailers of the movie in 2007. I never went and saw the movie that year. And now it's time for me to review it, so ''{sigh}'' let's just get the fuck over it!
		+
		+	<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' "Let's just get the fuck over it?"<br>
		+	'''NAMINE:''' He probably meant "Let's just get this the fuck over with."</blockquote>

	So we get a film about Cloe, and her "memorable" friends, Yashmin, Sasha, and Jade. They are ready to go to high school for the first time. We're greeted with another stereotype, Meredith, and the hellcats. Yeah, hell is right. She wants everything to be organized, especially people. Yeah, that's the Meredith we wanted! ''{moans}''		So we get a film about Cloe, and her "memorable" friends, Yashmin, Sasha, and Jade. They are ready to go to high school for the first time. We're greeted with another stereotype, Meredith, and the hellcats. Yeah, hell is right. She wants everything to be organized, especially people. Yeah, that's the Meredith we wanted! ''{moans}''

@@ Line 59: / Line 59: @@
 '''NOXIGAR:''' I'm going to stop you right there before we accidentally breach character for longer than intended.</blockquote>
-So what I gathered is that Cloe loves to play soccer, Jon Voight, who is here for a paycheck to give to his daughter, Angelina Jolie, play as the principal, and some tweeny-bopper songs play making ''Hot Problems'' by Two Take look a lot like any Led Zeppelin song. Jade is also with the nerds, Sasha becomes a cheerleader, and Yashmin watches male porn. Okay, I'm kidding. Actually, she becomes a journalist major. Never in time did they explain what the hell is going on. They just met and they become friends in a matter of seconds.
+So what I gathered is that Cloe loves to play soccer, Jon Voight, who is here for a paycheck to give to his daughter, Angelina Jolie, play as the principal,
-The talent show is coming to high school, so they come up with an idea to make their own show. Thus, we get more terrible music! That's the plot. Nothing else happens. Nothing! I mean, there could be a film where there's high school kids trapped in a dungeon with viking music and classic '70s-'90s heavy metal music playing and there would be a climax where the high school kids have to be muddy, "LOL," and they find a way to defeat a wizard that is as smart as Einstein, travels all over the world with a flying monster truck, and beautiful babes that the high school men would be in love with. That would've been a better movie than what we have. So we're stuck to watching tweeny-bopper high school movies like ''Bratz the Movie.'' Nobody understands quality, time, logic, or anything.
+<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' I feel like a legitimate review show would probably do what IMDB does and keep a list of who does what, then leave the snarky retorts for different actors and actresses only when it's appropriate.</blockquote>
-let me tell you, this is one of the WORST movies ever. I'm dead serious! If you wanna suffer, go ahead and watch it. Otherwise, avoid it! Now burn it!
+and some tweeny-bopper songs play making ''Hot Problems'' by Two Take look a lot like any Led Zeppelin song.
-'''JOIN ME IN THE NEXT REVIEW!
+<blockquote>'''NOXIGAR:''' I'm pretty sure "Hot Problems" came after this movie.<br>
-BRATZ: THE MOVIE IS OWNED BY LIONSGATE'''
+Jade is also with the nerds, Sasha becomes a cheerleader, and Yashmin watches male porn.

@@ Line 37: / Line 37: @@
 '''NAMINE:''' He probably meant "Let's just get this the fuck over with."</blockquote>
-So we get a film about Cloe, and her "memorable" friends, Yashmin, Sasha, and Jade. They are ready to go to high school for the first time. We're greeted with another stereotype, Meredith, and the hellcats. Yeah, hell is right. She wants everything to be organized, especially people. Yeah, that's the Meredith we wanted! ''{moans}''
+So we get a film about Cloe, and her "memorable" friends, Yashmin, Sasha, and Jade.
 So what I gathered is that Cloe loves to play soccer, Jon Voight, who is here for a paycheck to give to his daughter, Angelina Jolie, play as the principal, and some tweeny-bopper songs play making ''Hot Problems'' by Two Take look a lot like any Led Zeppelin song. Jade is also with the nerds, Sasha becomes a cheerleader, and Yashmin watches male porn. Okay, I'm kidding. Actually, she becomes a journalist major. Never in time did they explain what the hell is going on. They just met and they become friends in a matter of seconds.

RiffText/Bastard/Bratz - Revision history

Noxigar at 20:51, 29 November 2015

Noxigar at 20:42, 29 November 2015

Noxigar at 20:38, 29 November 2015

Noxigar: Created page with "In the first ever review from me, TVB, '''NAMINE:''' You thought your first kiss would be with Johnathan, but it was '''''me, Dio!'''''..."

Noxigar: Created page with "In the first ever review from me, TVB,
'''NAMINE:''' You thought your first kiss would be with Johnathan, but it was '''''me, Dio!'''''..."