Chwoka: Created page with ''''Zarel E-Mail #3''' Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars.
'''CHWOKA:''' "So... many... body parts..."
'''SKUB:''' Well, he'...'

2010-05-09T23:50:06Z

Created page with ''''Zarel E-Mail #3''' Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars. <blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' "So... many... body parts..."<br/>'''SKUB:''' Well, he'...'

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'''Zarel E-Mail #3'''

Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' "So... many... body parts..."<br/>'''SKUB:''' Well, he'd buy a fur coat! But not a real fur coat, that's cruel.<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' ''stop out of control government debt''</blockquote>

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' Zarel, Homestar, Bubs, Coach Z

'''Places:''' Zarel's House, The Stick, Bubs' Concession Stand, The Field

==Transcript==

''{Cut to Zarel's Room}''

'''ZAREL:''' Tonight on Zarel E-Mail, we talk to the one...the only...er...whoever sent this email.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' It's not so much talking as it is answering their question in an impersonal way and mispronouncing their name</blockquote>

<blockquote class=zarel>
<div>Subject: Money </div>

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' It's a fad.</blockquote>

Dear Zarel,

If you had a billion dollars, what would you buy first?

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' It depends — is this money for nothing? Can he get chicks for free?<br/>'''SKUB:''' It's a rich man's world, I'll tell you what.</blockquote>

Not Your Friend,
Raiku Samiyaza</blockquote>

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' What a coincidence! Raiku's not my friend either.</blockquote>

''{Zarel says "Well that's not very nice..." after reading "Not Your Friend"}''

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' What are you talking about? That's the nicest gift of all</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' ''{typing}'' Samiyaza...that sounds like some kind of Japanese dish...aw crap...now I'm hungry!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Hungry for JAPAN<br/>'''NACHOMAN:''' Man why'd you mention food? Now I have to make a foot long sandwich and eat three cookies</blockquote>

But anyway- ''{clears screen}'' A billion mig

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' TAKE OFF EVERY MIG<br/>'''SKUB:''' ''{dry heave}''</blockquote>

ones, eh? Er...A million big ones...a billion dollars. What would I do with a billion dollars? What would I, Zarel Mikhail Lewis III

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' If he was truly committed to comedy, the middle name would be "Hillary" or "Hunka Hunka Burning Love".</blockquote>

do with one billion-

'''HOMESTAR:''' Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' "i gotta do this or it gets deleted"</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' I really need to start locking my door...

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' All we need is some canned laughter and we'll be good enough for ABC!<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' no. maybe fox</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR:''' Hmph! Fine! We'll take out outside!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' take what <br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' no, didn't you hear, they're taking "out" outside</blockquote>

''{Cut to The Stick}''

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' ''Zarel is covered in swollen bruises and blood. A deep cut down his left arm bleeds profusely all around him. As he looks up with pleading eyes, Homestar delivers the fatal blow.}''</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR:''' So as I was saying before... Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zarel, Hey, Zar-

'''ZAREL:''' You...already said that.

'''HOMESTAR:''' I know, I was just saying what I was saying before.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Alzheimer's is not a joke.</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Riiiight...so...Homestar, what would you do with a billion bucks?

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' "I don't have any imagination, so why don't you answer this email for me?"</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR:''' Well, I'd probably buy my own website and fill it with many different clips and shorts of me and my escapades with my friends.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I call OOC, because Homestar clearly doesn't know what an esplanade is.<br/>'''CHWOKA:''' Escapade-<br/>'''SKUB:''' Escapade.</blockquote>

Maybe give Strong Bad a little show...maybe give you a little-

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' nnno</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Homestar...you already have a site.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' IT'S FUNNY BECAUSDERF TDKBYBH RGNHSMOUHML<br/>'''SKUB:''' Oh, jeez- bite down on this stick, Chwoka. It'll be over soon.<br/>'''NACHOMAN:''' This cyrus kid is just a laugh and one half<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' ...oh i get it</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR:''' I know! It'd be called homestarrunner.ne-WHAAAAAAT?

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' I MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' ''{sigh}'' Never mind.

''{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand}''

'''BUBS:''' A billion dollars, eh? I'd say you could spend it all on plenty of fine goods from my concession stand, including-

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Has Bubs ever sold anybody anything? Like, seriously, I'm starting to wonder.</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Bubs...with a billion dollars I could buy the concession stand and put you out of business.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' It's like Zarel doesn't want his character to play ball and actually be funny and have quirks.<br/>'''SKUB:''' I identify with cardboard as well!<br/>'''NACHOMAN:''' ''{monotone}'' what are you talking about zarel is so off the wall and zany I literally cannot hide my excitement<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' "yeah! take your billion dollars! i've got your tiny business!"</blockquote>

'''BUBS:''' ''{angry}'' So ''that's'' your evil scheme! I'm sorry, but I ain't selling!

''{Bubs slams the steel door down as if to close the store, closing it on Zarel's hand and detaching it.}''

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' That's just contrived.</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Uh...Bubs? My hand? ''{wiggles handless arm}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "Put 'er there!!!!"<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' eughghgw</blockquote>

'''BUBS:''' ''{offscreen}'' 10 dollars!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' Why, with a billion dollars, he could buy 100 million hands!</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Crap...

''{Cut to the Field, Zarel's missing hand is replaced with a bucket. He sits on his bucket hand.''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I gotta give him a '''hand'''; I'd usually pay an '''arm and a leg''' for jokes like these, but I'm gonna go out on a '''limb''' here and say that this sure is a '''side-splitting''' show!!!<br/>'''BROOKSIE:''' ilu</blockquote>

''Coach Z walks in}''

'''COACH Z:''' Hey there, Zorrel!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' The wind dragoon.</blockquote>

What gotcha down?

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' WHAT'S GOIN' DOWN?</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' I don't know what I'd do with a billion dollars.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' Women. Houses. Cars. Paintings. Some land. A seat in congress. A hot air balloon, some new sneakers, a space shuttle, '''good lord anything just have some freaking imagination'''</blockquote>

'''COACH Z:''' Well the best way to find out is to start makin' it! Now put that bucket to use and drop me some beats!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' COACH Z BOUT TO RIP IT UP REPPIN WEST SIDE</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Uh...sure?

''{Zarel drums on the buckets to a rhythmic beat}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' As opposed to...?</blockquote>

'''COACH Z:''' ''{rapping}'' These peoples try to fade me!

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''CHWOKA:''' Something seems familiar here...<br/>'''SKUB:''' I CAN'T GUESS</blockquote>

''{Cut back to the Cappy}''

'''ZAREL:''' ''{typing slowly}'' Well,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' W...E...L...L...</blockquote>

Sushiyama, I have no freakin' clue what I'd do.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' seriously. not even charity</blockquote>

I guess, save...for an emergency or something.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Facts are useless in emergencies.<br/>'''SKUB:''' "The orphanage is burning down! Somebody do something!" "Well, ma'am, I know what to do! We'll just wait for it to be demolished and then I'll build a new one!" "The day is saved??"</blockquote>

''{stops}'' Well this sucks, I only have one actual Zarel hand now.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''BLUEBRY:''' buy a new one also eughghgw</blockquote>

<blockquote class=zarel>
<div>NOTICE</div>

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' You are being evicted.</blockquote>

You have one new message.</blockquote>

'''ZAREL:''' Huh. I wonder what this could be.

<blockquote class=zarel>
<div>Subject: Buckethands </div>
Dear Zarel,

How do you type with

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Bocksing gloves</blockquote>

a bucket for a hand?

Sincerely,
Homestar</blockquote>

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Very carefully.<br/> '''NACHOMAN:''' Ask Skub.</blockquote>

''{Zarel lets out a huge groan, The Paper comes down}''

==Easter Eggs==

*Click on "Samiyaza" after Zarel refers to it as a Japanese dish to see a picture of a plate of assorted sushi.
*Click on "Buckethands" for a scene.

===Easter Egg Transcript===

''{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand}''

'''COACH Z:''' Say there, Bubs, whatcha got today?

'''BUBS:''' A lucky dragon's paw!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' He's so lucky, he won a billion dollars!<br/>'''SKUB:''' Just you wait, your son's zombie will show up right at your doorstep and ''you might not enjoy that''</blockquote>

Only 10 bucks! ''{Holds up Zarel's disembodied hand

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' ''It is still writhing around uncontrollably.''</blockquote>

}''

'''COACH Z:''' Holy gorsh! That's the best looking back scratcher I've seen!

''{Zarel in the distance lets out a huge groan}''

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' please don't let that groan mean what I think it does </blockquote>

==Fun Facts==
*Homestar talks about getting a website if he had a billion dollars, when he already [http://www.homestarrunner.com has one] already.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' How do you find the ''Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki'' without seeing this page first.<br/>'''SKUB:''' Whats a Honestar.<br/>'''BLUEBRY:''' omg that's what that thing in the corner is</blockquote>

*Zarel's bucket hand and the Coach Z rap are references to sbemail: new hands. I had planned on giving Zarel the new hands email instead of this.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Why, this Fun Fact isn't fun at all!</blockquote>

*Zarel's second email in this episode is a take on the "how do you type with boxing gloves" emails.

<blockquote class="mft3k"> '''NACHOMAN:''' I am shocked ''and'' appalled!</blockquote>

*Bubs calls Zarel's hand a "lucky dragon's paw," which refers to monkey paws or rabbit's feet, which were believed to bring good luck.
*This is the first instance of Zarel's take-apart ability in Zarel E-Mail. The first in his entire filmography was in his [[User:Cyrus/Zarel|character video.]]

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I'm surprised he wasn't ripping himself apart in email 1.<br/>'''NACHOMAN:''' This can only mean there is more to come and personally I cannot wait!</blockquote>

Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Zarel Emails/3 - Revision history

Chwoka: Created page with ''''Zarel E-Mail #3''' Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars. '''CHWOKA:''' "So... many... body parts..."'''SKUB:''' Well, he'...'

Chwoka: Created page with ''''Zarel E-Mail #3''' Zarel is asked what he would do with one billion dollars.
'''CHWOKA:''' "So... many... body parts..."
'''SKUB:''' Well, he'...'