Chwoka at 18:55, 11 September 2010

2010-09-11T18:55:19Z

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== Summary ==
Sam The Man becomes a pirate and assembles his own crew and battles Captain Scumbeard.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' and '''SKUB:''' and contracts syphilis and starves to death on the open seas after he runs out of hardtack and god''damn'' I am already depressed.</blockquote>

'''Cast (In order of Appearance):''' [[Samtheman.egg/Sam The Man|Sam The Man]], [[Samtheman.egg/Blue Cheat|Blue Cheat]], [[Samtheman.egg/Serious Bad|Serious Bad]], [[Samtheman.egg/Kendall|Kendall]], [[hrwiki:Strong Bad|Strong Bad]], [[hrwiki:Homestar Runner|Homestar Runner]], [[Samtheman.egg/Captain Scumbeard|Captain Scumbeard]], [[Samtheman.egg/Dark|Dark]], [[Samtheman.egg/Joe the Foe|Joe the Foe]]

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' YES, I finally know which Samtheman.egg email Joe the FOE is in</blockquote>

'''Places:''' [[Samtheman.egg/Room|Sam The Man's Room]], [[Samtheman.egg/Wayward Hill|Wayward Hill]],

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' I could see the city lights. My heart's going BOOM BOOM BOOM.</blockquote>

[[Samtheman.egg/Downtown FCUSA|Downtown FCUSA Streets]]

'''Computer:''' Runner 750

== Transcript ==
''{Cut to Sam The Man sitting at his computer}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' From where?</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of emails! And away we go!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "I only drink pina coladas like all my pirate friends"</blockquote>

<blockquote class="samtheman">
<div>loot</div>

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Get it? DIVVY up the loot! ''{Everybody groans}''</blockquote>

Arrggg! 
Ima

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Bell? oh god oh god oh god ''{Chwoka curls up into a little ball and cries}''</blockquote>

pirate! And I'll steel your loot 
unless you join my crew for a day! 

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Why would you want to be around Sam?</blockquote>
from 
Scum-beard The Pirate
</blockquote>

''{Reads "Arrggg" as "Yeah Whatever"}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' like totally '''SKUB:''' ''gag me''</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' What? Captain Scumbeard is back? I thought he went to jail for stealing loot from people? Oh well, time to assemble my own crew.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' A wanted criminal is on the loose?! ''Uggggggh'' here I go ''again''</blockquote>

I will never join his crew. With the way he doesn't give you Health Care, who would anyway?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' at least it's not ''obamacare'' '''SKUB:''' Obungle is at it again!!</blockquote>

''{Cut to Wayward Hill. Sam The Man wearing a Captain's Hat and Blue Cheat,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Don't wear Blue Cheat!</blockquote>

Serious Bad, Kendall,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Ken Doll?</blockquote>

Strong Bad, and Homestar Runner are standing''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''in a pond about a mile away''</blockquote>

''}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' So why are we here?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' i dunno either '''CHWOKA:''' Entertain us.</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' We are here so that we can take down Captain Scumbeard and steal ''his loot'' this time.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Yeah, but you're still going to jail so that puts a dent in your plan.</blockquote>

'''SERIOUS BAD:''' But why?

'''SAM THE MAN:''' I just told you. Weren't you paying attention?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' sadly</blockquote>

''{Serious Bad is reading a magazine}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ''{It is very serious and about stock markets and stuff.}'' '''CHWOKA:''' ''{It is actually a porno.}''</blockquote>

'''SERIOUS BAD:''' You were saying?

'''BLUE CHEAT:''' Serious Bad pay attention.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Chwoka fall asleep. '''SKUB:''' Skub vomit.</blockquote>

So anyways, where will we strike.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' Normandy. Northwest coast of France. '''SKUB:''' That or their ''boat''</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Good question. Kendall, where we will we strike?

''{Kendall holds out a map}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' You don't want to know where it came from.</blockquote>

'''KENDALL:''' Scumbeard drives through Main St. each day.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' pirates drive?</blockquote>

We'll hit him there tomorrow.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''Blood will spill''</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Where's Main St?

'''SAM THE MAN:''' It doesn't matter where it is, just get in the car. I'm driving the-

''{Cut to a regular car}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' -Pirate Ship 2008

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' more like '02 pontiac aztek</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' What a piece of junk.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' OH MY GOD CALLED IT it's an aztek</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' ''{sarcastic}'' Thank you. That was my brother's. He died tragically.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' He died in a car crash IN THIS VERY CAR.</blockquote>

How do you feel now?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "He put a penny in the outlet ''very tragically''."</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Show the man some respect Stro Bro.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ''{pours some out}''</blockquote>

'''BLUE CHEAT:''' JUST GET IN NOW AND DRIVE AROUND UNTIL TOMORROW! I'LL BUY FOOD!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' THIS IS URGENT! WE NEED TO DICK AROUND FOR MANY HOURS IMMEDIATELY!</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Fine Blue Cheat.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' I disagree.</blockquote>

Can we go to Arbie's?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "I'm thinkin' abattoir runoff."</blockquote>

'''BLUE CHEAT:''' Not with there over-priced sandwiches. ''{faces the screen}'' Huh? Huh? Naw there not listening.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' ...what?</blockquote>

''{Cut to Captain Scumbeard with his crew consisting of Dark and Joe the Foe''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' So, ''Captain Scumbeard, Dark, and Joe the Foe'' then?</blockquote>

''in his car driving}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' hittin the corners in those low lows girl</blockquote>

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' Dear me. It's almost 3:00. I better get this shipment of sugar, candy and jewels to the docks before 3.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "Mustn't keep the children's hospital waiting!"</blockquote>

''{Sam The Man's crew lazily enters in their car behind Captain Scumbeard's car}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' That car's got a lazy strut.</blockquote>

'''JOE THE FOE:''' That car behind us is coming close awfully fast. But at least it's flying the US Flag.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' please tell me this is a patriotic plug</blockquote>

''{Cut to the flag change''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' cut the flag change CUT THE FLAG CHANGE</blockquote>

''from a US flag to a Pirate flag. Cut back to Captain Scumbeard}''

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' Oh No! It's Sam The Man and his crew. No doubt he's after my sugar, candy and jewels. Well Ryan Ryu won't make a fool out of himself this time!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' you people are ''weird''</blockquote>

''{Sam The Man's car drives next to Captain Scumbeard's and they engage in a sword fight}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' ''Both of them swerve off the road. None survived.</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' You have no chance Scumbeard.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "To ''hell'' with the children. To ''hell'' I say!"</blockquote>

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' You have no chance like the Patriots did when the Giants beat them in the Super Bowl.

'''SAM THE MAN:''' What?

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' Oh, got a little ahead of myself didn't I? Now, prepare to die!

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Not if I have anything to do with it! LOWER THE CANON!

''{Kendall and Serious Bad lower what appears to be a canon.''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' but it's really not '''SKUB:''' They retconned it, of course—it was originally a catapult but SOMEBODY wasn't happy</blockquote>

''Dark and Joe the Foe do the same thing to their car}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' FIRE THE CANON!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' There goes Poe!</blockquote>

'''KENDALL: What? I didn't understand you.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' you sound just like my parents (;_///)</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' I said "Fire the canon" but I said it pirate like. You know, this is pirate like.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I just- I just realized this is Family Guy. This is literally the script from an episode of Family Guy. '''BLUEBRY:''' i don't watch family guy so i wouldn't know but it explains the horrible pain i'm getting</blockquote>

'''SERIOUS BAD:''' Whatever. Fire away!

''{Blue Cheat lights the canon while Dark lights''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Dark lights. There's a riff here, somewhere.</blockquote>

''their canon}''

'''DARK:''' Arrggghhh! You're going down matey!

''{Both canons fire and both take damage. Scumbeard's canon fires again and Sam The Man's car spins out and looses''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' loses </blockquote>

''it's''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' its</blockquote>

''roof.''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Holy crap, Lois! '''BLUEBRY:''' remember the time something something john cusack something something ferris bueller? '''CHWOKA:''' "Hey, I've always wanted a convertible!"</blockquote>

''Sam The Man's canon fires again and Scumbeard's car spins out of control and too loses it's roof}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' I'm going over. Blue Cheat drive.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Chwoka talk. '''NACHOMAN:''' NachoMan breathe.</blockquote>

''{Blue Cheat takes control of the wheel and Sam The Man jumps over to Scumbeard's car. He pushes Joe the Foe and Dark out. Both do 6 flips then land}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' they were olympic gymnasts '''SKUB:''' A PERFECT 10, UKRAINE DOES IT AGAIN</blockquote>

'''JOE THE FOE:''' Ohhhhh, I feel weak.

'''DARK:''' Then take one of THEESE!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' The theese stands alone</blockquote>

''{Dark hands Joe the Foe a container of "Dark Pills: The crazy solution for your problems".''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Like Xanax but SO MUCH MORE BADASS</blockquote>

''Cut back to Sam The Man and Scumbeard engaging in a sword fight}''

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' Just give up now. If you do we'll split the loot.

'''KENDALL:''' Sir Man,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' Sir Dude.</blockquote>

we've got trouble.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I don't think pirates were "sirs" by any stretch</blockquote>

''{Sam The Man's car accidentally runs into a telephone pole, and a worker falls of}''

'''WORKER:''' If I had finished collage I wouldn't be in these messes.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Get your art projects DONE, it's all that matters on your transcript</blockquote>

''{Cut back to Sam The Man's car. The telephone''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' What phone?</blockquote>

''attaches itself to the car. Now the car passes a banner, and the banner sticks the telephone poll.''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' "Hello sir would you be interested in taking a survey.''</blockquote>

''The car resembles a pirate ship now}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Hey what do you know,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Holy crap Lois, this is just like that time when</blockquote>

now I can do THIS!

''{Sam The Man motions for Serious Bad to jump over to. Serious Bad jumps over to Scumbeard's car. Sam and Scumbeard then engage into a long conversation (which we can't hear).''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' how is this allowed</blockquote>

''Cut to a closeup of Sam and Scumbeard talking and Serious Bad finishes up gathering the loot}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' So I never really know that penguins didn't have knees?

'''CAPTAIN SCUMBEARD:''' Yeah I know. I didn't find this out until like yesterday when I looked it up.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' One time I was reading Wikipedia and I'm pretty sure I looked up penguins and then I entered a world of corn I had never seen before.</blockquote>

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Well, all you need to do is look at my new book,

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''Going Rogue'',</blockquote>

which is coming out in a future ''{faces the crowd}'' email. ''{faces Scumbeard}''.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' There are no future emails. SPOILER ALERT.</blockquote>

''{Serious Bad jumps back to Sam The Man's car with the loot}''

'''SERIOUS BAD:''' All clear Man.

''{Sam The Man jumps back to his car}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' By the way Scumbeard, I disabled your brakes when i said I dropped my M&Ms. And you are going off a ledge. Bye now.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' See you next ''fall''! /me beep beep</blockquote>

''{Scumbeard looks back at the road and screams. He drives off the ledge and into a river}''

'''BLUE CHEAT:''' Well down

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' WELL UP</blockquote>

Sam and the Gang!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' An excellent display of manslaughter, to be sure.</blockquote>

'''KENDALL:''' Sam and the Gang? No no no! Kendall's Gang including Serious Bad is better!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' how about something like "the sugarhill gang" or "kool and the gang" '''CHWOKA:''' You can be "The Crips!"</blockquote>

'''SERIOUS BAD:''' I cast my vote for the 'Lil Crime Finding and Bustin' Gang!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Cut Brakes''</blockquote>

''{Everyone looks angry}''

'''SAM THE MAN:''' Go wait in the car.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Adults are talking.</blockquote>

''{Serious Bad grudgingly''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''CHWOKA:''' "They will RUE THE DAY."</blockquote>

''walks over to the car. The paper comes down}''

== Fun Facts ==
*This episode is similar to the one episode of [[Wikipedia:Family Guy|Family Guy's]] [[Wikipedia:Long John Peter|Long John Peter]].

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''{coughs}'' st-STOLEN ''{coughs}''</blockquote>

Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Samtheman.egg/long john sam - Revision history

Chwoka at 18:55, 11 September 2010