NachoMan: riff

2011-02-09T02:47:52Z

riff

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== Synopsis ==
Strong Bad seeks shelter in Viridian Forest, and plans on retrieving it.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' retrieving ''what'' '''SKUB:''' Retrieve Me Some Shelter</blockquote>

On the way, he encounters annoying Pokemon trainers who have an abundance of Caterpies and Weedles.

== Transcript ==

''{Cut: Strong Bad walking through Viridian Forest.}''

'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Last we checked, Strong Bad encountered the corrupt Kanto police and Professor Oak explained their allegiance to Team Rocket, the only truly evil team in the Pokemon series. Trust me, Team Magma and Team Aqua were mostly misguided idealists and Team Galactic saw the flaws of humanity and wanted to remake the world to fix the problem.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' Has Noxigar ever seen a Homestar Runner cartoon in his life?</blockquote>

Team Plasma is better than all of these guys, I know. Don't tell me things I know already.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Hahaha, no, you've got this.</blockquote>

Anyway, Strong Bad is looking for shelter in a huge forest.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' wwwaar, children. it's just a shot away</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Strong Sad, did you take your medication today?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' "no i sold it to some dumb kids"</blockquote>

'''STRONG SAD:''' Don't you know that narrators aren't on meds?

'''STRONG BAD:''' Not really.

'''STRONG SAD:''' Well excuuuuse ''me'', princess.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' i want to kill you like five times</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Look, either you're helpful or you're not.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' yes that is typically how antonyms go</blockquote>

I have two Pokemon, five Pokeballs, and five Potions.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Er... okay? Good job?</blockquote>

I am on the run from the Kanto police and therefore also from Team Rocket.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' i don't exactly see how that wor--</blockquote>

I could ''really'' use a tent and some food. If I can find those, perhaps I may be able to rest.

'''STRONG SAD:''' Two Pokemon? Where'd you get the second one?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' didn't you do this or something actually what is your role in this?</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' The second one is a Bulbasaur from Professor Oak's lab that would have been lonely had I not decided to pick it up on my way out.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "Oh and also they were testing some ''very'' powerful poisons on it."</blockquote>

'''STRONG SAD:''' Oh. Well then, no wonder you're on the run from the cops.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Don't be such a smart aleck and make use of your fan fiction-ery for good.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Can't be done.</blockquote>

'''STRONG SAD:''' Well, didn't you get your Charmander up in level to use Metal Claw yet?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' I think Noxigar just picks random words off Bulbapedia pages and hopes they form a coherent sentence.</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' No. I just started. And in fact I also have Bulbasaur to help with battles.

'''STRONG SAD:''' Well then, I suggest getting them both to Level 10 before pitting them against Pewter City. Brock is going to defeat your Pokemon unless they learn moves that are supereffective against Rock-types. For Charmander, that would come with the Steel-type move Metal Claw. For Bulbasaur, that happens to be the common Vine Whip attack it gets.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' "Welcome to Nerd, how can I nerd you today?" '''SKUB:''' Good ''Moses'' I can't believe this.</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' So, who do I pit them against?

'''STRONG SAD:''' There will be trainers with lots of Caterpies and Weedles, and their respective cocoon evolutions, Metapod and Kakuna.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' I imagine TBC reading this, their first exposure to Homestar fan fiction, and just shaking their heads slowly.</blockquote>

Charmander will be able to roast them should it learn Ember, which by the looks of things could happen any time soon.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' There's nothing I can really say except ''this isn't how people talk''. Well, no... I'm not in college yet, that might be how they talk ''there''.</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Hmph, I wish you had a terrible character to help me in my dilemma.

'''STRONG SAD:''' No, no. I won't do that.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' I-- what? What are you--? What?</blockquote>

'''HOMESTAR:''' ''{offscreen}'' I'm twying to buy my own Pokemon game;

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' you're ''trying'' to buy one? did you forget how retail works? '''SKUB:''' He has to play Bloodsport to get Emerald.</blockquote>

that way, while you'we stuck in the beginning, I can speed my way to the Elite Fouw and help you out latew.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Homestar, this is all ''your'' fault from the jump, so I '''hope''' you have something to fix it.

'''HOMESTAR:''' I'm not the one who messed with Stwong Sad's Nintendo DS.

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{irritated}'' If you have a game, then you can at least help! Sheesh, you and your tomfoolery

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "I won't stand for this poppycock, you hooligan!" '''NACHOMAN:''' Sooth!</blockquote>

that messes everyone up! I wish Homeschool Winner were here instead of you!

'''HOMESTAR:''' I'm not going to woll down any hills ow say "As you wish". Good luck!

''{Strong Bad continues walking, frustrated. Eventually a trainer makes way''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''for the oncoming 30-ton locomotive''</blockquote>

''.}''

'''TRAINER 1:''' You must battle me because we locked eyes!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ''{they kiss passionately}''</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' No, really?

'''TRAINER:''' Go, Caterpie.

''{Caterpie pops out.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Okay, <s>Sanctuary</s>

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' BUSTER</blockquote>

. It's time for you to prove your worth.

''{Bulbasaur pops out of the Pokeball}''

'''BULBASAUR:''' Huh? This isn't Professor Oak's office! I demand an explanation after this battle.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' i never knew pokemon were so articulate</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Fine, fine.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' I love how he dismisses the fact that, holy shit, this is a ''talking dinosaur'' and instead shushes him for the time being.</blockquote>

'''TRAINER 1:''' Caterpie, use String Shot!

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' ahahahahaha oh god that's disgusting '''NACHOMAN:''' ''metapod used harden'' lol</blockquote>

''{Caterpie's String Shot lowers Bulbasaur's Speed.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Sanctuary

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' BUSTER</blockquote>

, use Tackle!

''{Bulbasaur tackles Caterpie.}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' jesus christ, pokemon red and blue had more action than this '''NACHOMAN:''' did i really just make that joke</blockquote>

''{Caterpie tackles Bulbasaur, switching its move pattern. Eventually Bulbasaur KO's it.}''

'''BULBASAUR:''' Yeah, I need to do this more.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' "MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE ''{punches fist through a plate glass window}''" '''SKUB:''' "I need to win more battles so I can get more money so I can buy more coke so I can win more battles" ''{punches fist through a plate glass window}''</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' And that's why you're here fighting.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' "Remember, after this is done, you give Daddy some of that sweet booger sugar, hear?"</blockquote>

'''BULBASAUR:''' Thanks. Sorry for the trouble I caused earlier.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Not a problem.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' POKEMON CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH '''SKUB:''' What about Meowth? '''NACHOMAN:''' WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MEOWTH</blockquote>

''{Trainer 1 takes out another Caterpie. Strong Bad rolls his eyes.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Here we go again...

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Oh, you!</blockquote>

''{Bulbasaur continues tackling Caterpie. It defeats the second Caterpie.}''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' it's like it's happening right before my eyes</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Wow, you're good.

'''BULBASAUR:''' Well now I'd learn Leech Seed, but I feel I need another Level of experience first.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' "I would know I read the manual."</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' Fine by me; what does Leech Seed do?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''NACHOMAN:''' aren't you the fucking pokemon expert who remembers all the god damn stinkin fucking movesets</blockquote>

'''BULBASAUR:''' Enemy gets damaged, then I get health from the damage.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Sweet.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' Yeah, I guess. Sweet.</blockquote>

''{Trainer 1 gives Strong Bad 500 Pokebucks.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' Hmm? What are these Pokebucks?

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' as worthless as canadian money</blockquote>

'''TRAINER 1:''' You buy specific items for your Pokemon, such as more Potions and Pokeballs, or even status-curing items such as Antidotes.

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''BLUEBRY:''' this is so unrealistic because if someone walked up to you in real life and asked how you use money, what would ''you'' do? '''SKUB:''' This exact fucking thing, Bluebry. This exact thing.</blockquote>

'''STRONG BAD:''' If poison is such a concern, I'm glad my Bulbasaur has some use.

'''TRAINER 1:''' Yeah, I'd say you don't have to worry about Poison status.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Cool.

''{Strong Bad continues walking''

<blockquote class="mft3k">'''SKUB:''' ''into the heavenly light. Very faintly, he could hear the sounds of his dim-witted brother pounding on his chest, screaming at him not to leave him. He could hear Marzipan wailing, begging God to have mercy on his soul just this once. Strong Bad paid no regard to the desperate calls of his friends and family and treaded further, into the kingdom of Heaven—a Paradise where he could finally be free from it all. He took one last look back at the human world and smiled as he disappeared into the blinding light.''</blockquote>

''.}''

Mystery Fanstuff Theater 3000/Pokemon: Strong Bad Version/3 - Revision history

NachoMan: riff