Chwoka at 18:53, 19 July 2009

2009-07-19T18:53:46Z

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'''CHWOKA:''' ''{chanting}'' DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE!

''{TheDenzel enters, to applause from nowhere, from a smoky haze, wearing a cape.}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' I am here now, ready to defend!

'''CHWOKA:''' WHAT DO WE WANT?!

'''THEDENZEL:''' Evidence!

'''CHWOKA:''' WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!

'''THEDENZEL:''' As soon as possible!

''{Chwoka slaps TheDenzel.}''

'''CHWOKA:''' ''{angrier}'' WHEN?!

'''THEDENZEL:''' ...now.

'''CHWOKA:''' ''{happy}'' That's the spirit!

''{Chwoka slaps TheDenzel.}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' Ow. What was that one for?

'''CHWOKA:''' ''{happy}'' Shut your stupid face!

''{Cut: Lionhair Ltd. TheDenzel's cheek is red.}''

'''CHWOKA:''' Alright, Denzel, you're the boss; where to?

'''THEDENZEL:''' I say we head over to the film reel storage area, to see where these films were taken from.

''{Cut: The film room. Various gaps fill the racks. A half-eaten wheel of cheese lay on the floor.}''

'''CHWOKA:''' Yup, the film was stolen, alright.

'''THEDENZEL:''' ''{inspecting the gaps}'' Hmm. Curious. What movie was it that is said to have been stolen?

'''CHWOKA:''' ''The Lions are Wild'', ''Maybe Tuesday'', ''Attack of the Thousand-Foot Potato Chip'', ''The Dead'', and ''The Comma: A History''.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Those all sound like blockbusters! ''{notices the cheese}'' What kind of cheese is that?

'''CHWOKA:''' Cheddar: The cheese of THEFT!

'''THEDENZEL:''' Hmm. So obviously, the alleged thief is a fan of cheddar cheese. Tell me, how secure is this room?

'''CHWOKA:''' The entire building has no locks.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Well what kind of person is surprised by a theft from a building with no locks? Has anyone done a sweep for fingerprints yet?

'''CHWOKA:''' No, that's our job.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Well let's do that then.

''{does so}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' Did we get any?

'''CHWOKA:''' ''{dripping with sarcasm}'' No, nobody has ever touched anything in here before. EVER.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Did we get anything interesting from the empty gaps?

'''CHWOKA:''' Yes.

''{pause.}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' ''{angerly}'' And!?

'''CHWOKA:''' And what?

'''THEDENZEL:''' What's interesting about it?

'''CHWOKA:''' Well, it appears the thief used gardening gloves.

'''THEDENZEL:''' ..What kind of gardening gloves?

'''CHWOKA:''' Like that even matters.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Oh, it does. It does.

'''CHWOKA:''' Fine. Grody Old Gardening Gloves Probably Used For Skateboarding in The Seventies Brand Gardening Gloves.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Wow, hooray for modern forensics. Anything else you can tell me from the fingerprints?

'''CHWOKA:''' The thief had size 13 shoes.

'''THEDENZEL:''' What brand?

'''CHWOKA:''' Now that's just silly.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Well forgive me for thinking forensic science could achieve anything.

'''CHWOKA:''' I mean, honestly, how did you think ''fingerprints'' would tell us the ''brand'' of his ''shoes''?

''{Chwoka and TheDenzel walk out.}''

'''CHWOKA:''' ''{off-screen}'' I mean, ''honestly''.

''{cut to the hallway that leads to the storage room}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' Alright, if the thief were to steal anything from the vault, they'd probably have to go through either this hallway, or the ventilation system. Let's check for finger prints around here.

'''CHWOKA:''' What would that tell us? We would have rock-solid evidence if we could find:

* '''Suspects''' 
** ''...with size 13 shoes''
** ''...with a motive''
* '''Evidence'''
** ''...that points to any of the above "suspects"''

'''THEDENZEL:''' We need to know if a man with size 13 shoes went in through this door, or if a pair of grody gardening gloves went through the ventillation shafts.

'''CHWOKA:''' Door has no locks! Why would anybody use the vents? How would knowing where he came from aid our case?

'''THEDENZEL:''' Alright then, fine. Does this place have any security cameras?

'''CHWOKA:''' Yes, but all possibly useful footage has been damaged.

''{Cut: Outside the building}'' 

'''THEDENZEL:''' Okay, so what are we doing out here, again?

'''CHWOKA:''' That hallway smells like rotten bananas.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Well, I'd like to look more into this "cheddar" thing. Either the thief left it behind, or someone else left it in the room... or maybe it's just a clever joke.

'''CHWOKA:''' We already fingerprinted it, what else is there to do?

'''THEDENZEL:''' Maybe we could talk with the CEO. Get some more info on when he realized the tapes were stolen...

''{Cut: Lionhair's CEO's office. TheDenzel and Chwoka are sitting in front of the desk.}''

'''THEDENZEL:''' Well Hi!

'''CEO:''' Whaddya want?

'''THEDENZEL:''' I want to ask you some questions about the recent thefts going on, starting with why you don't have any locks on any of the doors...

'''CEO:''' It was part of a morale-boosting campaign that worked enormously, so we kept it.

'''THEDENZEL:''' How exactly is that morale-boosting?

'''CEO:''' That's not important right now.

'''THEDENZEL:''' Alright then, well when did you first realize the tapes were gone?

'''CEO:''' Yesterday, when I sent out a gopher to go get them and they weren't there.

LAWYERS!!!/1id2 - Revision history

Chwoka at 18:53, 19 July 2009