Badstar at 04:02, 17 May 2010

2010-05-17T04:02:14Z

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''{Open to the Comportable, laying on the table, covered in dust. Homestrong walks in}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Whistling a tune. Takes a quick look at the Comportable, stops}'' Hey, I almost forgot about that. ...Oh well. ''{Begins to walk off}''

'''SAMUEL:''' ''{Offscreen}'' Hey, wait a second!

''{Samuel runs onscreen}''

'''SAMUEL:''' Don't you think you should... y'know... check some email? Like you're supposed to?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Well, I've been a little preoccupied lately, with evil schemes and such.

'''SAMUEL:''' Evil schemes? You call sitting on the couch watching Three's Company for hours an "evil scheme"?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Hey, its not my fault Don Knotts is hilarious! ''{Hangs head for a few seconds}'' Oh, why did they get rid of Chrissy? Seriously, they're on their THIRD blonde roommate right now!

'''SAMUEL:''' Yeah, and the constant gay jokes with Jack are getting ol- OH WAIT A MINUTE. We're straying away from the subject here. The point is, you need to check your email right now.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Fine, ''mom''! ''{Picks up Comportable. Blows off dust}''

'''COMPORTABLE:''' Finally! About damn time! Do you know how long I've been waiting the-

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Shut up. ''{Opens email}''

<blockquote class="lappy email">
HEY HOMESTRONG,<br/>
SOMETHING FUNNY GOING ON<br/>
YOU BETTER CHECK<br/>
HURRY UP<br/>
-Johnny Bellstrom
</blockquote>

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Typing as he speaks}'' "Something funny", eh, Johnny Bravo? Well, unless you're talking about Three's Company- ''{Suddenly angry}'' Which I'm missing! - ''{Calm}'', then I have no idea what you're talking. ...In fact, why the hell should I listen to what random strangers tell me? ...I'm going home.

'''SAMUEL:''' ...You are ho-

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Shut up.

'''SAMUEL:''' ...Anyway, by something funny, I'm pretty sure he's talking about the new comedian sweeping the nation.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Comedian?

'''SAMUEL:''' Yeah. He's called Chubby McBrown.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ... ''{Burst out laughing}'' That... thats gotta be the stupidest name I've ever heard!

'''SAMUEL:''' Oh, like Homestrong is a common-

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Stops laughing, irritated}'' Shut up.

''{Cut to the couch. Samuel and Homestrong are watching TV}''

'''TV ANNOUNCER:''' ''{On TV}'' Now back to... Chunky yet Deadly, with Chubby McBrown!

''{Cut to a rather fat black man standing on a stage holding a microphone}''

'''MCBROWN:''' So then I look at this dude and I say... "Is it because I'm... CHUNKAAAAAY!?"

''{Crowd laughter. Cut back.}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...What the hell did I just watch?

'''SAMUEL:''' Like I said, he's the biggest star in standup comedy right now. He's a mixture of what everybody likes in comedy nowadays. Fat people, black men, and weird nonsensical stories.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...This is complete garbage! I can do funnier stuff then this!

'''SAMUEL:''' Somehow, I doubt that.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna prove it!

'''SAMUEL:''' ...Are you telling me you're actually going to-

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Yes... ''{Dramatic close-up}'' I must challenge Chubby McBrown to a comedy duel!

''{Short Pause}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ... ''{Annoyed}'' Somebody get this camera out of my face! ''{Camera zooms out}'' Anyway... Comportable! Track down McBrown's location!

'''COMPORTABLE:''' Lets see here... according to my research, Chubby McBrown is located in McBrown Mansion.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Alright! TO MCBROWN MANSION!

''{Batman music. Homestrong runs towards a pole and slides down into a large cave. He jumps into the "Strongmobile" and drives off}''

'''SAMUEL:''' ...

''{Cut to the teleporter system. Samuel walks into one}''

'''SAMUEL:''' Seriously, am I the only one who notices these?

''{Cut to a large throne room. Sitting on the throne, is Chubby McBrown. A butler walks in}''

'''BUTLER:''' Mister McBrown, a short armless gentlemen would like to see you.

'''MCBROWN:''' Send this foo' in, dawg.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Enters}'' Chubby McBrown, I challenge you!

'''MCBROWN:''' What you blabbin' bout, shorty? And what about you?

''{Camera zooms out to show Samuel standing next to Homestrong}''

'''SAMUEL:''' I'm just here to watch.

'''MCBROWN:''' Anyway, what do you want? Is it because I'm... CHUNKAAAAY!?

''{Long silence}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Whispering to Samuel}'' Why is that such a crowd pleaser?

'''SAMUEL:''' ''{Whispering to Homestrong}'' No idea.

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Anyway, I wish to challenge you to a battle of comedy! Best funny folk wins!

'''MCBROWN:''' Whats in it for me if I win?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...This guy. ''{Motions towards Samuel}''

'''SAMUEL:''' What!?

'''MCBROWN:''' Deal! See you tomorrow night, foo'!

'''SAMUEL:''' ''{Glaring at Homestrong}'' ... I ha-

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Shut up.

'''SAMUEL:''' ''{Eyes narrow to slits}''

''{Cut to the next night, backstage. Samuel is talking to Homestrong in his dressing room}''

'''SAMUEL:''' Well? How do you plan on getting out of this one?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Simple! If things take a turn for the worse... TA-DA! ''{Pulls out a large, gun-like device}'' The Hypno-Master! One blast of this baby and everybody will be laughing their asses off!

'''SAMUEL:''' Are you sure this plan won't horribly backfire in a comedic fashion?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Don't be ridiculous! This machine is fool-proof!

'''SAMUEL:''' Fool-proof? Even around you of all people?

'''HOMESTRONG:''' But of cour- HEY WAIT A MINUTE

''{Later...}''

'''ANNOUNCER:''' Now give it up for... CHUBBY MCBROWN AND HOMSTRING STROONER!

''{McBrown and Homestrong enter the stage}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Wait, what!? Thats ''Homestrong Strunner''!

'''ANNOUNCER:''' Yeah, yeah... LET THE COMEDY BATTLE BEGIN! First move goes to Chubby McBrown!

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ''{Muttering to self}'' Ha! What can he possibly do?

'''MCBROWN:''' ...CHUNKAAAAY!?

''{The crowd bursts into laughter and clapping}''

'''MCBROWN:''' Y'all been a great audience!

'''ANNOUNCER:''' Now to Homestrong!

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...Seriously!? That was it!? ...Anyway, um... why did the gopher cross the road?

''{Silence}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' To do what... gophers do!

''{Even more silence. Cut to Samuel, watching from the audience. He buries his face into his hands}''

'''SAMUEL:''' I'm screwed...

''{Cut back to Homestrong:'''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...CHUNKAAAAY!?

''{Silence}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Oh, you have got to be kidding!

''{Soon enough the air is filled with booing}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Alright, time for plan B! TAKE THIS! ''{Pulls out Hypno-Master. Presses button... but instead of hypnotyzing every one, the machine explodes, sending Homestrong flying back.}'' AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ''{Slams into a wall}''

''{Silence. Everybody in the room (even McBrown) bursts with large amounts of laughter}''

'''ANNOUNCER:''' It is decided! The winner is... HOMESTRONG STRUNNER!

'''HOMESTRONG:''' ...God, you people suck.

''{Cut back to Homestrong's lair}''

'''HOMESTRONG:''' See? I told you I was a comedy genius!

'''SAMUEL:''' Yeah... but the only comedy you caused is by humiliating yourself!

'''HOMESTRONG:''' Shut up! It counts! Anyway... back to Three's Company!

'''SAMUEL:''' ...Oh, what the hell?

''{Cut to Homestrong and Samuel watching Three's Company}''

'''HOMESTRONG & SAMUEL:''' ''{Singing along with the theme song}'' Gonna knock on your door! Gonna be waiting for you!

''{Paper of Eternal Suffering comes down. End of email}''

Homestrong Emails/H3 - Revision history

Badstar at 04:02, 17 May 2010