Badstar at 21:32, 3 September 2011

2011-09-03T21:32:22Z

Bellstrom at 22:31, 24 May 2010

2010-05-24T22:31:14Z

New page

''{Open to: Tracy at Gilligan's house. Gilligan walks in.}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Okay, I'm back from the mailbox. Nothing, except... ''{Holds up a magazine entitled "Animag"}'' MY NEW ISSUE OF ANIMAG ARRIVED!

'''TRACY:''' Hoorah. Oh, and apparently we're filming a new episode of G&T. ''{points to the camera}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Dude, you're breaking the fourth wall! ...How long have those been here? In fact, I don't even think we knew we were being filmed until before the season finale!

'''TRACY:''' ...You didn't know? How did you not see all of these-Wait, wasn't the Earth turned into a small sun or something at the end of the season finale?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Holy hell, this starting to have as many plotholes as Bell Quest...

'''TRACY:''' And the writing is just as bad...

'''GILLIGAN:''' Are we going Chwoka on ourselves?

'''TRACY:''' You're saying that like it's ''not'' an improvement.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Anyway, lets see what this issue is about. ''{Flips through pages}'' Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring... well, this was a letdown. ''{Tosses magazine on floor. The magazine flips on its back, revealing a picture... of Haruhi}''

'''TRACY:''' Hoorah, a picture of Haruhi.

'''GILLIGAN:''' YAY HARUHI ''{Picks up magaizine.}'' Lets see here... ''{After a few seconds of reading, Gilligan drops the Magazine. He then starts shaking and twitching his eye}''

'''TRACY:''' ...I'm afraid to ask this, but, what did the page say?

'''GILLIGAN:''' HAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRUUUUUUHHHHIIIIIIIII CONVENTIOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

''{Cut: the SkullB house. SkullB is sitting on his couch. Suddenly, he starts to heave.}''

'''SKULLB:''' WHY DO I SUDDENLY HATE

''{Cut back.}''

'''TRACY:'''''{covering his ears, or rather, where his ears would be if he had any}'' OWW! GODDAMN!

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Grabs Tracy by the shoulders, starts shaking him}'' WE MUST GO

'''TRACY:''' WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Pulls Tracy's hands off of his ears}'' WE MUST GO TO HARUHI CONVENTION

'''TRACY:''' SERIOUSLY, SPEAK LOUDER!

'''GILLIGAN:''' '''WE GOTTA GO TO THE HARUHI CONVENTION'''

'''TRACY:''' WHY ARE YOU JUST MOUTHING WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY?!

'''GILLIGAN:''' ... ''{Walks offscreen. About 10 minutes later, he come back with a hearing aid. He jams it into Tracy's non-existant ears}'' Theres a Haruhi Convention and we gotta go!

'''TRACY:''' I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU! OH GOD, I MUST BE DEAF!

'''GILLIGAN:''' FOR THE LOVE OF-

'''TRACY:'''''{reaches under bell with hands}'' Oh wait, nevermind. ''{pulls out two rats}'' I had rats in my ears. Now, what did you want?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Rips off the back and shoves it in Tracy's face}'' Look!

'''TRACY:''' ...A Haruhi convention. That's... unlikely.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Its in 4 days! We've gotta leave tommorow so we can make it on time! But first... we need to get some costumes ready!

'''TRACY:''' But we don't even have tickets! And... Where is it, exactly?

'''GILLIGAN:''' According to the page its in... Decentville.

''{Quickly cut to Skullbuggy walking along a sidewalk. He looks at the convention center and sees the banner for Haruhi-Con. He then drops down to his knees and starts crying. Cut back}''

'''TRACY:''' ...Soooo, how long will it take to get there?

'''GILLIGAN:''' About 3 days. Thats why we gotta leave tomorrow.

'''TRACY:''' ...Okay, but, still, we need to buy tickets first, don't we?

'''GILLIGAN:''' True, but how do we get tickets on such short notice?

''{Skullbuggy busts in}''

'''SKULLB:''' Hey, all!

'''TRACY:''' ... Why are you in my house?

'''SKULLB:''' I saw a bunch of sweaty nerds flocking to the convention center and I decided to be nice and let you join 'em!

''{SkullB flashes some tickets.}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Grabs tickets.}'' Thanks, plot device! ''{Kicks Skully out}'' Now lets get our costumes ready for tommorow! But for now... TIME SKIP PLEASE.

''{Cut: The next day at about 6:00 AM. Gilligan and Tracy walk out of Gilligan's house. Tracy is dressed as Kyon and Gilligan is dressed as... errr... Yuki...}''

'''TRACY:''' ...Well, at least it's not as bad as my Haruhi costume...

''{cut to an image of Tracy dressed as Haruhi. He has '''VERY''' hairy legs. After a few seconds, cut back}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...What is up with us dressing like women?

'''TRACY:''' What are you talking ab-Oh, right.

''{cut to a flashback of Tracy and Gilligan dressed as Dorothy and Sophia, respectively, from the Golden Girls}''

'''TRACY:''' ''Ma!''

''{cut back}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Lets just get in the car.

'''TRACY:''' Alright.

''{They both get in}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Next stop, Decentville! ''{Starts the car and in a manner of seconds the car is out on the road}''

''{30 minutes later...}''

'''TRACY:''' ...We're lost, aren't we?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Of course not! That chocolate milk factory was just a... shortcut.

'''TRACY:''' ...And the drive through the catholic school?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Um... exactly!

'''TRACY:''' ...But did you have to run down ''every'' schoolchild?

'''GILLIGAN:''' They were a-cramipn' my style...

'''TRACY:''' ...By style you mean your cross-dressing style?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Last time a kid makes fun of my japanese schoolgirl uniform!

'''TRACY:''' Actually, it's a sailor suit.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Same thing.

'''TRACY:''' ...I love Japan.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ME TOO

'''TRACY:''' ...Hey, we should go to Japan sometime!

''{cut to Skullbuggy and the Cohens sitting on a couch. Skullbuggy suddenly starts crying}''

'''JERRY:''' What's wrong?

'''SKULLB:''' I-I don't know!

''{cut back}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Okay, now look at the map we have apparently.

'''TRACY:''' ...This is a map of Texas.

'''GILLIGAN:''' What? No it isn- ''{Looks down at map}'' FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

'''TRACY:''' WATCH THE ROAD!

'''GILLIGAN:''' FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- what? ''{Looks up. Crashes into a corn field}'' HOLY CRAP! ''{Steers in different directions. Gets out of corn field... and onto a farm nearly running into farm animals. The car then crashes into a barn}''

'''TRACY:''' ...Hey, remember when I said you can't hit the broadside of a barn? I was wrong. ''{points to a (seemingly dead) woman laying on the hood of the car}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Aw, SHIT MAN! What are we gonna do!? WHAT THE ''{bleep}'' ARE WE GONNA DO!?!?

'''TRACY:''' Relax! She's probably just a prostitute. I mean, look at her clothes! Besides, we kill people all the time.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...You mean YOU kill people and I sometimes help... a lot. Always. Every single ti- ...oh god, you're right. ...What do we do now?

'''TRACY:''' Well, let's just get her off our car.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Where do we put the body?

'''TRACY:''' Hmm... I don't know.

'''GILLIGAN:''' I have it! ...Quick, eat it!

'''TRACY:''' ...Dude, prostitutes taste TERRIBLE.

'''GILLIGAN:''' I don't care how TERRIBLE they taste, I'm not keeping this as a damn accessory!

'''TRACY:''' ...Look, nevermind, I have a better idea now. ''{pulls out a shovel}'' ...Don't ask where I was keeping that. ''{jumps out of the car, digs a hole in the ground, buries the prostitute, jumps back in the car}'' Done.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Where were y-

'''TRACY:''' I SAID, "DON'T ASK". ''{sits down}'' Ow.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Why would sitting down hu- ... oh my god seriously

'''TRACY:''' No, I'm kidding. I really was keeping it in here. ''{turns his back to Gilligan, revealing a large hole with blood pouring out of it}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Sadly, that makes sense...

''{BACK ON THE ROAD...}''

'''TRACY:''' ...So, you're SURE that the second Haruhi season didn't come out a few hundred years ago?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Of course! Now how about some TV? ''{Turns on a small TV screen at the front of the car.}''

'''TV:''' NOW FOR AN EPISODE FROM HARUHI SEASON 17 WHICH CAME OUT 2 MONTHS AGO

'''TRACY:''' ...Told you.

'''GILLIGAN:''' OH SHUT UP YOU

'''TRACY:''' Ha ha h-WATCH THE ROAD

'''GILLIGAN:''' OH DAMN

''{Cut: Gilligan and Tracy burying another hooker}''

'''TRACY:''' Well, we fixed that, but we still don't have a car.

''{the camera pans out to show that their car has crashed into a wall}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' I think I saw an auto repair shop up ahead... how are we gonna push this?

'''TRACY:''' It shouldn't be that hard-

''{the car bursts into flames and explodes}''

'''TRACY:''' ...I knew we shouldn't been driving a Pinto.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Sniff}'' I'm gonna miss that thing... sure, it didn't have ''{Mocking voice}'' ENDURANCE, but I loved that car...

'''TRACY:''' ...I'm just surprised that it didn't explode earlier. Well, let's go find another car.

'''GILLIGAN:''' And how exactly are we going to do th-

''{A generic rich man in a hovercraft comes to a stop near the two. He gets out and walks past them}''

'''RICH MAN:''' I MUST NEGOTIATE WITH THAT AUTO REPAIR SHOP TO CLEAN MY FANCY HOVERCRAFT BECAUSE I AM SO AWFULLY RICH.

'''TRACY:''' ...Gilligan, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Yeah! But how are we going to bring Haruhi to life and where can we get that much rope?

'''TRACY:''' I've got the rope, but I haven't figured that first part out yet. Oh, and, let's steal that hovercraft.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Okay!

''{Cut to the two riding along the road in the hovercraft}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{Laughing, stops}'' Did Crispin Freeman ''really'' say that?

'''TRACY:''' ...What?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Weren't we just discussing how Kyon's voice actor said that quiet girls are-

'''TRACY:''' No, but you're right.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Say, its getting pretty dark out. Maybe we should stop driving for today...

'''TRACY:''' Okay, pull over to the side of the road.

''{cut to Gilligan and Tracy burying another prostitute}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Well, this is turning out great so far...

'''TRACY:''' Well, at least our-Wait, no, if I say that something'll happen.

'''GILLIGAN:''' Well, lets just sleep for the night. We probably won't be able to find a hotel, so lets just sleep in the hovercraft.

''{Cut to the two in the hovercraft, the seats all the way back. They seem to be watching Lucky Star on a screen on the front of it}''

'''KONATA:''' ''{On TV screen}'' ...Which sides the front?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Only we would watch ten minutes of japanese school girls talking about food.

'''TRACY:''' Well, along with all the other fans of Lucky Star...

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Yeah, that too. ...Well, lets try and get some sleep. ''{Pulls a blanket over the both of them}'' ...Y'know... I think I'm starting to see why people think we're gay.

'''TRACY:''' ... ''{moves a few inches away from Gilligan}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Yeah, thats a good idea. Well, night.

''{THE NEXT DAY...}''

''{Open to Gilligan's point of view. His eyes slowly open to see everything moving}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Hey, I'm driving...

'''TRACY:''' No, I am!

''{the camera zooms out to show that the hovercraft is covered in blood}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' What the...? ''{Sits straight up}'' ...Do I even wanna know why our car is covered in blood? ...Do you even know how to drive!?

''{Cut to Gilligan and Tracy, once again... burying another prostitute}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' I'll take that as a no...

'''TRACY:''' Well, let's get the others.

''{the camera zooms out to show a brothel with a hole in the wall behind the hover car. Many, many prostitutes are laying on the ground, dead, in front of it}''

''{Cut to back on the road. This time, Gilligan is driving}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Okay, so then in the second episode, they did a bunch of stuff for summer. Then in the third episode, they did a bunch of stuff for summer. Then in the fourth episode, they did a bunch of stuff for summer. Then in episode fi-

'''TRACY:''' QUIT COMPLAINING! ''{throws Gilligan out of the hovercraft}'' Hahaha! ...Wait.

'''GILLIGAN:''' DEAR GOD I WAS JUST GIVING YOU MY DAILY HARUHI RECAP ''{Falls off the highway path, crashing into sharp rocks}'' DEAR GOD HELP

''{cut to Tracy burying yet another prostitute}''

'''TRACY:''' There. OH WAIT, GILLIGAN.

''{cut back to Gilligan}''

'''TRACY:'''''{offscreen}'' I'm comin', buddy!

''{After a few seconds, Tracy lands on Gilligan}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' MY FLESH IS COVERED IN WOUNDS

'''TRACY:''' MY WOUNDS ARE COVERED IN FLESH

'''GILLIGAN:''' PLEASE GET THE HELL OFF PLEASE

'''TRACY:'''''{gets the hell off Gilligan}'' Man, you alright?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Yeah, I'm ALWAYS fine after GETTING SCRATCHED BY GIANT ROCKS, FALLING DOWN A CLIFF, AND GETTING CRUSHED BY A GUY WHO SHOULD STOP EATING SO MUCH FRITOS.

'''TRACY:''' ...So, is that a yes?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Just help me up.

'''TRACY:'''''{helps Gilligan up off of the rocks}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Well, at least we still have-

''{The hovercraft crashes into the ground, setting it aflame and killing a prostitute}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Our car.

'''TRACY:''' ...Alright, let's find another car.

''{cut to a while later. Gilligan and Tracy are now driving a van}''

'''TRACY:'''''{laughs}'' Did Aya Hirano ''really'' wear that shirt in a concert?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...What?

'''TRACY:''' ...Weren't we just discussing how Aya Hirano owns a shirt that said "Did you-

'''GILLIGAN:''' Oh, yeah! ...Yep, she did! ...I have know idea what we're talking about...

'''TRACY:''' ...What?

'''GILLIGAN:''' Sorry, SOMEBODY made a typo. What were we talking about? What did the shirt say? "Did you do a dance?" "Did you do what I saw you do last summer?" "Did you-"

''{Cut to the two burying a prostitute}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' How many more times are we gonna do this joke!?

'''TRACY:''' How about none?

''{BACK ON THE ROAD...}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' Wow, really? ...That's sorta hot.

'''TRACY:''' ..."Sorta"? What the hell do you mean, "sorta"?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ''{whispers}'' Do you WANT Skullbuggy do kill us in our sleep?

'''TRACY:''' Like he's actually gonna be able to kill us. I mean, your head's bigger than his entire body. You could just crush him. And I've got this. ''{knocks on his bell-head three times. The third time, the knock's twice as hard as the first two}'' OW! MY HAND!

''{long pause}''

'''TRACY:''' C'mon, say something. Are you still angry about me throwing you over a cliff?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...I had to remove my shoe out of my ass. That tends to piss a guy off.

'''TRACY:'''''{sighs}'' Pull over to the side of the road.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Er, okay. ''{Pulls over to side of the road}'' ...Well?

'''TRACY:'''''{pulls out a bag of catnip and sticks his hand in it. When he pulls it out, it's covered in catnip. He then moves his hand in front of Gilligan}''

'''GILLIGAN:''' ... ''{Ears and eyes start twitching}'' D-D-Don't dO ThiS TO Me, maN...

'''TRACY:''' Go on, I don't mind.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...GRAH I CAN'T TAKE IT ''{Rips off Tracy's arm and starts eating it. A few minutes later, his eyes are half closed, he's smiling, and staring at the car roof}'' Dude... do you think... t-that, like, another Gilligan and Tracy exist and they're like... on a road trip? Ya ever wonder that man? ...I do...

'''TRACY:'''''{has apparently grown back his arm}'' No, not really.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Don't you cherish these moments we have? ...Cause I do.

''{After a short pause, Gilligan gives Tracy a hug}''

'''TRACY:''' ... Uhh... C-can you let go of me?

'''GILLIGAN:''' ... ''{Passes out}''

'''TRACY:''' ... ''{slaps Gilligan}'' Wake up, da-

''{Suddenly a white flash covers the screen. The screen stays white for a while, before fading back to the current shot.}

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Holy shit, we're back!?

'''TRACY:''' ...Maybe?

'''KEITH:'''''{appears}'' No. No no no. NO NO NO. NONONONONONONONONO. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. THIS NEVER WILL BE HAPPENING. THIS NEVER HAS BEEN WILL HAPPENING. IF THIS HAPPENS, I AM GOING TO SLAGGING ''ERASE YOU FROM TIME''.

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Aw, crap. I forgot. He wants to kill us.

'''KEITH:''' YES I DO

'''GILLIGAN:''' ...Thats it! No more running away into absurd plot devices! We're taking you on here and-

''{Suddenly, cut to a dark, rainy back alley. A dark figure appears in the alley. Keith walks in}''

'''CONNOR:''' ...Is the job done?

'''KEITH:'''''{pulls out a trash bag and empties it. Severed cat ears and bronze shrapnel, both of which are covered in blood, fall to the ground}'' Do these answer your question?

'''CONNOR:''' ... You IDIOT! I gave specific instructions to keep Gilligan alive!

'''KEITH:''' What are you talking about? Tracy put on a fursuit before I reduced him to chili. ''{shakes trash bag again, Gilligan falls out}'' Gilligan's fine.

'''CONNOR:''' Hmph... well done. Come. Follow me.

''{Cut to a long white hallway, complete with white walls. Connor is holding Gilligan, walking down the hall. Keith is following behind}''

'''CONNOR:''' So, did they put up a good fight?

'''KEITH:''' Absolutely not. After Tracy put on the fursuit, they charged at me. I punched Tracy in the face, sending him down, and Gilligan curled up into a ball, begging for my mercy. And then I reduced Tracy to a red stain on the ground.

'''CONNOR:''' Well, thats shameful. ...Say, Keith? Do you think what we're doing might be... well, wrong?

'''KEITH:''' ...Those guys don't really even exist. And even if they did, do you remember all of the prostitutes they ran down?

'''CONNOR:''' If you squish a bug, is it not murder?

'''KEITH:''' If you murder a mass-murderer, is it not for the greater good of humanity?

'''CONNOR:''' ...Hmph.

''{The two approach a metal door, which slides open as they approach it. Behind the doors is a seemingly empty white room}''

'''KEITH:''' Remind me again, and the audience- ''{stares at the camera in a paranoid manner}'' -where this is.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:32, 3 September 2011
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	'''KEITH:''' Remind me again, and the audience- ''{stares at the camera in a paranoid manner}'' -where this is.		'''KEITH:''' Remind me again, and the audience- ''{stares at the camera in a paranoid manner}'' -where this is.
		+
		+	'''CONNOR:''' ...Jesus, I don't even know where I was going with this. ...Y'know, yeah. Fuck it. Just take him out back and kill him.
		+
		+	'''GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE'''

Gilligan 'n' Tracy/Ep11 - Revision history

Badstar at 21:32, 3 September 2011

Bellstrom at 22:31, 24 May 2010