Skub at 03:29, 18 March 2009

2009-03-18T03:29:24Z

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''{Open: the king's castle. The four heroes approach the gates.}''

'''NCHO:''' Well, gentlemen? Here we are!

'''CHWK:''' I see this thing every time I wake up. What's so special about it?

'''NCHO:''' Have you ever been... inside?

'''SKUL:''' ''I'' haven't!

'''CHWK:''' Pff! I have! ... Seen through the windows.

'''NCHO:''' Well? Let's not waste any time!

''{NCHO approaches the guard.}''

'''NCHO:''' Hello, my good man!

'''GUARD:''' Welcome to Corneria Castle!

'''NCHO:''' I am the brave mage, NCHO... may my entourage and I enter?

'''GUARD:''' Welcome to Corneria Castle!

'''NCHO:''' ... I will assume that means yes! Come, everyone!

''{The party follows NCHO into the castle. Inside is a bleak, gloomy castle. The walls are made of hewn stone, every so often covered in tapestry.}''

'''CHWK:''' This blows.

'''NCHO:''' I never expected it to be so... ''tacky''.

'''BLUE:''' Way dark.

'''SKUL:''' You know, it could do with a light fixture here and there-

''{The four are approached by a guard.}''

'''GUARD:''' Hey! Who let you in?

'''SKUL:''' Oh, the guy out front let us in.

'''GUARD:''' Frank? You seriously got past him?

'''NCHO:''' Why, sir, we are here to see the King!

'''GUARD:''' Well, nobody sees the king! No way, no how!

'''NCHO:''' Sir, it is about the quest-

''{BLUE pulls out some orbs.}''

'''BLUE:''' Light Orbs.

'''GUARD:''' ... You have the orbs?

'''CHWK:''' ''{simultaneously}'' You have the orbs?

'''BLUE:''' Yeah. So?

'''GUARD:''' But those are only given to the chosen ones... Oh, my! I'm so sorry to bother you, please--go see the king!

''{The guard quickly opens the door to the throne room.}''

'''CHWK:''' ''{to BLUE}'' How did you know? None of ''us'' had the orbs-

'''BLUE:''' Stole 'em.

'''CHWK:''' ''{to BLUE}''' You... you WHAT-

'''BLUE:''' So what?

'''CHWK:''' So what- so ''what''?! We're not the chosen ones! We're just a bunch of misfits bundled together awkwardly in a ragtag group of warriors!

'''KING:''' ''{offscreen}'' Beg pardon?

''{CHWK looks up to see the King.}''

'''CHWK:''' OH SH

'''KING:''' What was it you were saying about the chosen ones?

'''CHWK:''' I was reassuring my friend here, heh- that we ''were'', indeed, the chosen ones!

'''BLUE:''' He was.

'''KING:''' Oh! Very well. So you have the Light Orbs?

'''BLUE:''' Right here.

''{BLUE takes out the orbs.}''

'''KING:''' Splendid! Now, I assume you are all ready...

'''SKUL:''' As we'll ever be!

'''KING:''' Good! Now listen... Garland, the evil knight, has taken my daughter to the Temple of Fiends, north from here. Bring her back safely and you will get a reward beyond your wildest imaginations!

'''NCHO:''' That sounds well and good... but how do we know if we are strong enough to defeat Garland?

'''KING:''' Oh, if you're feeling incompetent you can go grind some imps for XP, if you want.

'''CHWK:''' Grind some imps? ... Ew.

'''KING:''' It's less naughty than you think.

''{Cut: outside Corneria. The group is walking along a path through a forest.}''

'''CHWK:''' So here we are... four warriors on a mission! It's so exciting!

'''NCHO:''' Agreed, friend!

'''CHWK:''' Ew no never mind.

'''SKUL:''' The king said something about imps... what could that be?

''{Suddenly, a small, horned, elf-like creature hops out from a bush.}''

'''CHWK:''' What's that?

'''BLUE:''' An imp.

'''SKUL:''' ''That'' thing? That's not evil looking--it's cute!

''{Ten more imps hop from the bushes.}''

'''CHWK:''' Ohhhhhhh. That's, uh-

'''BLUE:''' Not good.

'''SKUL:''' No need to panic--they haven't attacked us yet! They're more afraid of us than we are of them-

''{An imp hops onto NCHO's face and starts clawing him.}''

'''NCHO:''' OH SWEET ''JESUS Y MARIA Y JOSE''

'''SKUL:''' Okay, let's get rid of 'em.

''{SKUL takes out his rapier and slices through about four of them. BLUE takes out a dagger and stabs one in the back. NCHO takes a sword and gets the one clawing his face off.}''

'''CHWK:''' OKAY MY TURN

''{CHWK takes out a staff and starts beating an imp with it. The imp seems unfazed.}''

'''CHWK:''' WHHHHHHHH

''{SKUL crushes the imp with his foot.}''

'''SKUL:''' Don't you know any magic?

'''CHWK:''' I ALREADY TOLD YOU NO

'''SKUL:''' Oh, right...

'''CHWK:''' RRRRRRRRRGH

'''NCHO:''' Don't worry, I can teach you a spell or two-

'''CHWK:''' NO NO OKAY NO

''{The group finishes killing the imps.}''

'''SKUL:''' Alright... all the imps are gone!

''{Pause.}''

'''SKUL:''' I don't feel any more powerful than usual.

'''BLUE:''' Me neither.

'''SKUL:''' Well! Let's keep doing this for hours.

''{Cut: hours later. The forest floor is covered in imp bodies. The party is covered in blood.}''

'''SKUL:''' Alright, guys! We gained a level!

'''CHWK:''' ''{weakly}'' Woo!

'''SKUL:''' Now let's heal up and head to the Temple of Fiends!

''{Cut: the Temple of Fiends. The party is being watched through a crystal ball by none other than Garland.}''

'''GARLAND:''' Those fools! To think they can stop me is comedy at its finest!

'''PRINCESS:''' ''{offscreen}'' You'll never beat them, Garland!

'''GARLAND:''' Did I ''say'' you could talk?

'''PRINCESS:''' ''{offscreen}'' Eep.

'''GARLAND:''' Anyway, I will get them in my grasp and I shall crush them to pieces! Nothing will stop me from invoking Chaos! ''Wahahahahahaaaaaaaaa''!

''{Fade to black. Fade in at the gates of the Temple of Fiends.}''

'''NCHO:''' This is it... our quest is nearly over.

'''SKUL:''' To think that this is how our quest ends... here, at these temple gates.

'''BLUE:''' It's sad.

'''CHWK:''' I almost appreciated our time together... almost.

'''SKUL:''' Well, let's not dawdle, everyone...

''{The party enters the temple.}''

'''SKUL:''' Wow... It's so maze-like! I wonder where Garland is?

'''CHWK:''' I can see him from here.

''{The camera rotates to show Garland waiting in a room at the end of a straight hallway.}''

'''GARLAND:''' Yoo-hoo!

'''SKUL:''' Who says "yoo-hoo" to the heroes?

'''GARLAND:''' I DO!

''{The party runs up to Garland, swords (and stick) at the ready.}''

'''GARLAND:''' You think I can be stopped? I, Garland, will knock you all down!

''{Garland takes a swipe at NCHO, knocking him to the ground.}''

'''NCHO:''' Well, I cannot say he's a liar!

'''GARLAND:''' Hit me with your best shot!

'''SKUL:''' Well, love is a battlefield and I am the warrior! Take this!

''{SKUL smashes Garland in the head with his sword. Garland staggers back, but recuperates.}''

'''GARLAND:''' Is that all?

'''BLUE:''' No way.

''{BLUE shifts behind Garland and stabs him in the back.}''

'''NCHO:''' Allow me to help!

''{NCHO takes his sword and stabs Garland in the chest.}''

'''GARLAND:''' How- how are you so powerful?

'''CHWK:''' Hey, Garland! Guess what I know?

''{CHWK takes out his staff and starts conjuring a fireball. It gains size extremely quickly.}''

'''CHWK:''' Prepare to taste the power of FIRE!

''{The fireball is shot at Garland, knocking him down.}''

'''GARLAND:''' I... I was knocked down?!

''{Garland falls to the ground, defeated.}''

'''SKUL:''' ... We did it!

'''NCHO:''' We did it!

'''BLUE:''' We did it.

'''CHWK:''' WE DID- Does anybody else smell smoke?

''{CHWK looks down to see that his robes are on fire.}''

'''CHWK:''' AAH AAH AAAH AAAAAAH

''{CHWK drops and rolls.}''

'''SKUL:''' Now then... let's save the princess!

''{SKUL walks up to the princess, who has been sitting on a comfortable-looking sofa.}''

'''SKUL:''' ... Wow, he didn't even tie you up or anything.

'''PRINCESS:''' Yeah, well, truth is I could have left any time I want. I just wanted to get some longevity out of the situation.

'''SKUL:''' Wow. That's horrible.

'''BLUE:''' You ''bitch''.

'''PRINCESS:''' Well, whatever! I'm saved now, so thank you!

''{The princess gives SKUL a kiss on the cheek.}''

'''SKUL:''' Wow... what a reward!

'''PRINCESS:''' Well that's not all! Wait until we get home to get the real reward!

''{The princess winks at SKUL.}''

'''SKUL:''' Oh, my...

'''CHWK:''' ''{offscreen}'' IT BURNS SO BADLY AND IT WILL NOT STOP

''{Cut: the throne room of Corneria Castle.}''

'''KING:''' Many thanks for rescuing my daughter, warriors!

'''NCHO:''' No problem, ''mi rey''!

'''KING:''' Ah, but that's not all! In my generosity, I hereby build for you-

'''CHWK:''' ''{thinking}'' It's a statue it's a statue it's a statue

'''KING:''' -a bridge, connecting our continent with the rest!

'''CHWK:''' FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

'''BLUE:''' ... That's it?

'''KING:''' Yep.

'''NCHO:''' No statue, no nothing?

'''KING:''' Bridges? You know those? Yeah, they cost money. They cost the taxpayers' dollars, and I don't want it going to waste.

'''NCHO:''' You do have a point.

'''BLUE:''' Where's SKUL?

'''CHWK:''' Good point... I haven't seen him since we got back!

''{SKUL walks out of the princess' room, hair tousled and armor thrown on.}''

'''CHWK:''' Woah. What happened to you?

'''SKUL:''' I'll tell you later. All you need to know is that I got a lute out of it.

'''CHWK:''' Wow, really?

'''SKUL:''' Yep!

''{The warriors leave the castle. Fade to black.}''

''{Fade in to the Temple of Fiends. Garland gets up.}''

'''GARLAND:''' ... And they thought I was dead... hahaha! Not likely!

''{Garland gets to his feet.}''

'''GARLAND:''' And now for the best part!

''{Garland begins a ritual.}''

'''GARLAND:''' I CALL UPON YOU, ELEMENTAL FIENDS! COME, BRING ME IMMEASURABLE POWER! HELP ME BRING FORTH... ''CHAOS''!

''{The room begins to shake. Fire begins to erupt from the ground, wind howls through the corridors, and the clouds above the temple begin to turn gray.}''

'''GARLAND:''' I SUMMON YOU WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT!

''{Fade to black.}''

FINAL FANTASY/2 - Revision history

Skub at 03:29, 18 March 2009