Cow Puncher 5 at 23:31, 16 July 2009

2009-07-16T23:31:14Z

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You wake up in your bed. What do you do?

>Fall asleep

You fall asleep, but you can't sleep. I guess you have to get up. Now what?

>Buy Badstar an Xbox 360.

You would, but it's 2:00 AM. The store is closed. You go to camp outside.

Place info: Best Buy. You are camping out, front in line.

You were going to get Badstar and Xbox 360 and some raisins, but you decide to get a 1972 Magnabox Odyssey and prunes.

>What!? No! Return it and get him a damn 360!

You return it and get Badstar a Xbox 900 and grapes.

>For the love of- HE WANTS AN XBOX '''360'''. ...Keep the grapes though.

You get an XBOX '''360''' instead of an Xbox 360 and deliver it to Badstar in the mail. Done deal.

>...Y'know what? Screw it, close enough. Now go rob a bank.

You eat some grapes. Now you have the power! 49 grapes left. You go to a bank. Closed! Now what?

>Break into the bank

But they have alarms! You fall asleep. Dream time!

Description of area:

Dreamland River. Skys are purple and there is a Nacho cheese river.

Now what?

>Look for giant corn chips

You get a cornchip raft and sail the Nacho Cheese with it. Soon, you stop. You eat the corn chip and swim. Soon you get into the hot chocolate river! It's hot! ... Now what?

> Climb onto a nearby giant floating marshmallow

You do. Your underbody is sizzling from the Hot Chocolate. Later, you reach Soapy River. Suddenly, you sink and drown. You are pulsing and your eyes are burning. You die. Then you wake up. Now what?

> Go attack someone

Assault! Yeah! You get in a fist fight with a CEO!

CEO: 1000

COW: 1000

What move?

> CUT HIS NUTS OFF

You get a knife and cut of his testicles.

CEO: 0

COW: 1000

Place: Jail. You are in for murder and assault. There is a bench, a tv, a bed, and a toilet. You have a guitar.

> Disguise as John Lennon and tell the guards they got the wrong man. Oh and BTW it's suddenly the 1960's.

You get long hair and glasses, and your ready! Yay, you're out.

> Shoot the real John Lennon to make it all an elaborate scheme.

You travel to Liverpool and SHOOOOOT John Lennon. News people appear out of nowhere.

> Ask to be taken to jail.

Now accepting: only two words. Ask to what?

>Go jail.

You go to jail. Now what?

>buy icecream

You say "Toss me" to a baby. He throws ice cream in your face. you devour it.

>dance a happy dance

One or two letters!

>happy dance

You do so. You scare your inmate.

>eat inmate

You eat him alive.

New attack! "Vore: Eat someone alive."

> escape prison

How?

Switch mode: AS MANY WORDS AS WANTED

>Cheat. Specifically turn into gas and fly out the window.

You do so. Now you are back in Wiki City.

>Rickroll some old person

You do so. He hits you with his cane. New attack! "Rick Roll: Rickroll enemy" Battle!

OLD MAN: 50

COW: 1000

Attacks: Vore, Rick Roll

Weapons: Guitar

>play steely dan with the guitar

You do so. Old man takes EAR RING DAMAGE. So do you.

OLD MAN: 30

COW: 980

Old man throws his steel cane at you.

COW:950

Attacks: Vore, Rickroll

Weapons: Guitar (Smash: 0t Play: 10t)

>play "I Am A Grocery Bag" with the guitar

You do so. Old man takes 5 points EAR RING DAMAGE. So do you.

OLD: 25

COW: 945

A: Vore, Rickroll

W: USE ATTACK!

>SWALLOW HIM WHOLE

You do so. You win!

New weapon: metal cane. New finishing attack: Swallow

>swallow a swallow(that's a type of bird {{well}})

You look around. All birds you see are blue jays, pigeons, and a few doves.

>Ask the game why it didn't answer "African or European?"

Because we're cool.

Now what?

> Ask the game "How cool can you be if you couldn't think of a simple Monty Python reference?"

Listen, Alice...

'''PRINCE HERBERT:''' Herbert.

Herbert... you wouldn't be cool at all.

> Ask the game "So, you aren't cool at all?"

Nah, nah, I can think of one.

> Go put the John Lennon disguise back on and make a new album

You do. You gain 500,000,000 dollars in 5 seconds.

> ...

You're gonna have to make a real response, client. Please respond.

> I don't wanna.

Okay.

> also kill yourself

Heaven or hell?

>purgatory

You are transfered to ''Iron Maiden''s song, ''Purgatory''. What now?

>go on tour

You travel with Iron Maiden on tour. All that comes out of their mouth is "Cow Puncher", but to the tune of Purgatory.

>stage jump

You pickup the microphone first. That'll be handy in battle. You stage dive, but uh oh, BOSS BATTLE! Guard attacks you!

GUA: 1050

COW: 1000

A: Vore, Rickroll, Swallow, Cut off balls (Need to use 2 weapons in order to attack)

W: Guitar, Metal Cane, Microphone

Do what?

>Rickroll them or something

Must use a weapon 2 times first.

>Use Guitar then Microphone.

You play the horrible song Hotel Motel by Raiku. You and Guard 50 points ear ring dammage!

GUA: 1000

COW: 950

Guard bites you! -20

GUA: 1000

COW: 930

You then smash him in the head with microphone. 34 dammage!

GUA: 966

COW: 930

When he isn't looking, you smash him in the butt. 20 dammage!

GUA: 946

COW: 930

...And then in the balls! 40 dammage!

GUA: 906

COW: 930

Triple! (50 healed per attack. 3 attacks in a row: 150 healed!)

GUA: 906

COW: 1080

Guard waiting out trauma and cannot battle for three turns!

You rickroll him as already said. - 599!

GUA: 307

COW: 1080

A: Vore, Rickroll, Swallow, Cut off balls (Need to use 2 weapons in order to attack)

W: Guitar, Metal Cane, Microphone

Do what?

>Beat he head in with da mike

You do. -200

GUA: 107

COW: 1080

A: Vore, Rickroll, Swallow, Cut off balls

W: Guitar, Metal Cane, Microphone

>Shred that frickin guitar

You put it in a paper shredder. -50 ear ring dammage both.

GUA: 57

COW: 1030

A: Vore, Rickroll, Swallow, Cut off balls

W: Guitar, Metal Cane, Microphone

>

Cow Puncher's Life: The game - Revision history

Cow Puncher 5 at 23:31, 16 July 2009