https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?action=history&feed=atom&title=Conshow%2F69 2026-05-15T16:41:53Z Revision history for this page on the wiki MediaWiki 1.28.2 https://wuw.clamburger.org/w/index.php?title=Conshow/69&diff=188730&oldid=prev 2014-12-17T12:31:36Z

<p>Created page with &quot;== Summary == &#039;&#039;Conchris and Clark find themselves in serious danger while Jake and Katie are hired as temp bodyguards for Aria&#039;&#039; &#039;&#039;&#039;Intro Gag:&#039;&#039;&#039; A split-second clip of wha...&quot;</p> <p><b>New page</b></p><div>== Summary ==<br /> ''Conchris and Clark find themselves in serious danger while Jake and Katie are hired as temp bodyguards for Aria''<br /> <br /> '''Intro Gag:''' A split-second clip of what appears to be Forest tied to a cross in what looks like Hell<br /> <br /> '''Episode 69: The Ameotian Terror'''<br /> <br /> == Transcript ==<br /> <br /> ''{Open to the floor of a jungle, Conchris and Clark are still trapped underfoot by a giant dinosaur, roaring sounds intensify}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Well, this sucks.<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' You think? I have a job to get to at 9! You know what happens when the gift shop is left unattended?<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to Clark's Gift Shop, the lights are out and the wind is blowing violently, a tumbleweed tumbles by before cutting back to the duo}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Not particularly...<br /> <br /> ''{Another loud roar is heard, startling the two as the dinosaur's foot is lifted}''<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' OH CRAP!<br /> <br /> ''{Cue intro}''<br /> <br /> ''{Open to Jake and Katie's house, the living room, Jake and Katie are lounging around watching TV as Aria stumbles in, dressed in fancy clothing}''<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Hey guys... do you ever do anything around here anymore?<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' ''{pauses for a beat}'' What do you mean &quot;Eh.&quot;?<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' I just got fired from my job the other day...<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' Yeah, so he's taking his frustrations out by watching mindless television. ''{holds up a remote control}'' Can you still believe that they got all the old shows airing here? Re-runs, but still.<br /> <br /> ''{Aria peers over to the television, staring at it, unamused}''<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Uh-huh. Anyway, me and Mr. Person are just about to head out on the town and we wanted to ask if you two would like to come.<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Oh come on! It'll be fun! You can be, uhm... my temporary bodyguards!<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' I'll pay you. ''{reaches into her pocket, pulling out a purse}'' Actually, Mr. Person will pay you~<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' Eh--how much?<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Oh, a couple thousand bucks.<br /> <br /> ''{Jake suddenly sits up, staring up at Aria in awe}''<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' For what?<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Well, there are some pretty rabid fans in this city and I need to have people escort me around. There's some people who hate me with a passion for what I did in the previous seasons of this show and would do anything to bring harm to me. And so I thought, &quot;Hey, why don't I-&quot;<br /> <br /> ''{Katie sits up, now, holding a hand to Aria's mouth to stifle her.}''<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' We'll take it.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to the jungle, Conchris and Clark are running away as fast as their broken, battered, and bruised bodies can take them}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Why didn't you tell me about the DINOSAURS?!<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' Well I didn't think there would be anything remotely dinosaurific here when I was putting the sanity shifter here! ''{puts a hand to his chin, thoughtfully}'' Perhaps I may have left the improbable function activated when I did...<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Right... and can you explain that?<br /> <br /> ''{Conchris points off screen, Clark's eyes following}''<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' What?<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to a clearing, a circle of hooded monks surround a giant machine covered in moss and vines from years of staying in the jungle}''<br /> <br /> '''MONKS:''' ''{chanting}'' Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. ''{beat, as they hit themselves with the sharp edges of some DVD cases}'' Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.<br /> <br /> ''{The chanting repeats throughout the whole scene unless disturbed. Conchris and Clark look on with a mixture of expressions, horror, shock, confusion, anger, bitter resentment}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Seriously, that joke is old.<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' I dunno... there's usually a lot of cults for inanimate objects. ''{holds out a hand as though regaling a story}'' Why I remember this one time when someone asked me to praise He-<br /> <br /> ''{Conchris puts a hand to Clark's mouth, knocking him over}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Yeah, okay, that's great, shut up.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to the mall, Aria is surrounded by Mr. Person, Jake, and Katie, all wearing sunglasses save for her, in fancy suits, as they walk along}''<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' So, where are we going first?<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Well, usually we get some food down at Mr. Convenient's Food Place, a five-star restaurant with only one one-star review by some guy who thought he found a rat in his burger.<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Gross... also, since when did Mr. Convenient open up food stores?<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Eh, he opens stores where they're convenient.<br /> <br /> ''{Pan to the entrance to the mall's restrooms, right beside them is a store labelled &quot;Mr. Convenient's Restroom Supplies&quot;, a poster in the window is offering a sale on 1-ply toilet paper}''<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' So I see...<br /> <br /> ''{Cut back to the group, a man is in their path}''<br /> <br /> '''MAN:''' Oh my god! Aria! It's you! I gotta take a picture of this... ''{pulls out a cell phone, aiming it at the group}''<br /> <br /> ''{Jake whacks the phone out of the man's hand, prompting a look of anger in his face.}''<br /> <br /> '''MAN:''' Hey! That's expensive! I'll have you know, I spent over five hundred bucks on this thing!<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' Sorry, but Miss Aria doesn't allow photography. It's, uh... it's... uh... ''{looks over to the other three}'' Little help?<br /> <br /> '''ARIA:''' Skin condition.<br /> <br /> '''JAKE:''' A skin condition, yeah!<br /> <br /> '''KATIE:''' A horrible skin condition! ''{she shifts to pose menacingly}'' She'll melt if you take even one picture of her! Woooo!<br /> <br /> '''MAN:''' Oh... well... in that case... ''{pulls out a camera}'' SAY CHEESE, BITCH!<br /> <br /> ''{The group gasps, drawing back in surprise, as the camera cuts back to the duo, still contemplating how to get to the Sanity Shifter.}''<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' ...so if we make a distraction, we can grab the sanity shifter, and get the hell out of here!<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' I don't know if I didn't hear a word that you said or that you only just said &quot;so if we make a distraction, we can grab the sanity shifter, and get the hell out of here&quot; as the camera cut back to us but I think that plan is stupid.<br /> <br /> ''{Conchris reaches into his pocket, pulling out an old laser blade, brandishing it as he exits the undergrowth}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' HAVE AT THEE YOU DAMN CULTI-<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to the duo tied up together, back-to-back, being held over a pit that leads to Hell}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Well, that didn't work.<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' You think?!<br /> <br /> ''{A monk comes forward}''<br /> <br /> '''MONK:''' Oh Great Metal Maiden! Please accept our sacrifices as our gifts to you! So that you may be free from your eternal prison!<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' Wait, metal maiden? What?<br /> <br /> '''MONK:''' ''Metal Maiden'', sir.<br /> <br /> '''CLARK:''' Augh, this is the second time I got tied up in this season! Can't you just let me go?<br /> <br /> '''MONK:''' No, for the maiden demands sacrifice!<br /> <br /> ''{The monk pulls on the lever, slowly lowering the duo into the pit}''<br /> <br /> '''CONCHRIS:''' We're boned.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to the group, huddled in the corner as the man from earlier brandishes the camera menacingly}''<br /> <br /> '''MAN:''' Now that I have you right where I want you... ''{holds up camera to his face}'' ...say cheese...<br /> <br /> '''JAKE, KATIE, ARIA:''' AHHHH!<br /> <br /> '''MR. PERSON:''' Eh.<br /> <br /> ''{Cut to a black screen with white words saying, &quot;NEXT TIME ON CONSHOW&quot;}''<br /> <br /> ''{Cut back to the group, Mr. Person is still unamused at the situation as the other three look on in horror}''<br /> <br /> '''MR. PERSON:''' It's a living.<br /> <br /> ''{Cue credits}''<br /> <br /> &lt;pre&gt;Conshow<br /> Episode 69: The Ameotian Terror<br /> <br /> Show written by Conchris, 2008-2014<br /> Any references made in this show are quite possibly intentional, if not, then they certainly are now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<br /> <br /> Next episode:<br /> &quot;Can See The Forest For The Trees&quot;<br /> &lt;/pre&gt;<br /> <br /> {{:Conshow/season6}}</div>

Conchris