Lucian Summers at 02:58, 4 August 2008

2008-08-04T02:58:48Z

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Cast ''{in order of appearance}'': Aruseus, Wolf, Fang

Places: The Beach

Computer: E-Mach 1000

Date: August 3rd, 2008

== Transcript ==

'''ARUSEUS:''' ''{singing}'' Welcome to my show, my name's Aruseus, I check emails type with style and finesse!

''{Aruseus clicks the email icon}''

<blockquote class="aruseus3">
<div>subject: video games</div>
Aruseus,

What is your favourite and least favourite video games?

Eat a steak,

Patrick

P.S. <span style="font-family:Webdings;">If you translate this message, I will send Iori to your house and he will steal your cheese.</span>
</blockquote>

'''ARUSEUS:''' ''{typing}'' Well, I remember about 32 emails ago or so explaining my favorite game. But...my least favorite? Well, I don't have a least favorite. I guess I'll have to look at the worst game ever made.

'''WOLF:''' ''{pops in}'' The "Hurt Wolf With Mr. Weights" game?

'''ARUSEUS:''' No. ACTION 52.

''{Dun dun dun...}''

'''WOLF:''' You're kidding, right?

'''ARUSEUS:''' What do you mean?

'''WOLF:''' You'll get so angry you might kill yourself...or others.

'''ARUSEUS:''' Meh, it can't be that bad.

'''WOLF:''' Ok, but if I find a carcass, I'll blame you.

'''ARUSEUS:''' Don't make me use the Mr. Weight.

'''WOLF:''' NOOOOOOO! DON'T! ''{whimpers}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Ok. So...thanks to NESTopia, I can play this.

''{Aruseus boots the game up}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Unoriginal music...intro that takes forever...

''{The menu comes up}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Cool. It's finally up...Okey. Let's try...Star Evil.

''{The game starts}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' What the?! I started right next to the wall! ARGH. Ok, exit this and try...Ooze?

''{Game start}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Crappy platformer, jumping sucks...and an enemy spawned on me. Screw this.

''{10 games later}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Ok. Next up is Non Human...WHAT THE ''{bleep}''?! Am I on drugs or something?! This game scares me.

''{Aruseus exits the game}''

''{10 more games later}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' What the hell is this?!

''{10 more games later}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' This sucks!

''{10 more games later}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Did the game just crash?!

''{10 more games later}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' ''{pulsing with anger}'' Not...one...good...game...NOT... ''{punches the screen}'' ONE!

''{Zoom out to see an explosion engulf the empty beach. When it clears, there is a pile of ash and a charred ring of sand around Aruseus}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' ''{panting}'' Oh crap. There goes another computer...aw damnit. What did that message say?

'''WOLF:''' "If you translate this message, I will send Iori to your house and he will steal your cheese." I can read Webdings.

'''ARUSEUS:''' Well, at least Iori doesn't know we're not home and that he's gonna get chewed up by Fang. I stuck him on a leash and told him to be a guard dog. He was pissed about it though, but did it anyway.

'''WOLF:''' Uh...Aruseus?

'''ARUSEUS:''' Yes, I know, I have no computer. So-

''{Aruseus turns around to see Fang standing there, with his eyelids lowered}''

'''ARUSEUS:''' Oh...hey there, Fang. Come to join us on our shorehouse escapades?

'''FANG:''' Well, yes. And I've come to get revenge on that whole "guard dog" incident.

'''WOLF:''' How'd you escape?

'''ARUSEUS:''' It's obvious. He bribed Iori with cheese.

'''FANG:''' No, moron. I did the usual; took off my head and slipped out.

'''ARUSEUS:''' Wow...I'm such an idiot.

'''FANG AND WOLF:''' You ''just'' realized that?

''{The Paper}''

Aruseus Emails/action52 - Revision history

Lucian Summers at 02:58, 4 August 2008