Wiki User Wiki - User contributions [en]

Blue Lasermail

2010-05-28T19:32:00Z

The Wheelchair: /* New & Updates */ Al...most... done...

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLTitle.png</center>
==New & Updates==
'''May 28th, 2010:''' [[Blue Lasermail/environment|BLemail 14]] is out! 
'''May 25th, 2010:''' The award-winning BLemails of the HRFwiki have immigrated to the WUW! Dang, this is gonna take some getting used to.

==Current eeeeemails==

<blockquote class="bluelaser">
14. [[Blue Lasermail/environment|environment]] - NEW! 
13. [[Blue Lasermail/comic book|comic book]] 
12. [[Blue Lasermail/heist|heist]] 
11. [[Blue Lasermail/parade|parade]] 
10. [[Blue Lasermail/deleted|deleted]] 
9. [[Blue Lasermail/musical|musical]] 
8. [[Blue Lasermail/brotherly love|brotherly love]] 
7. [[Blue Lasermail/debt|debt]] 
6. [[Blue Lasermail/war|war]] 
5. [[Blue Lasermail/candy|candy]] 
4. [[Blue Lasermail/uniforms|uniforms]] 
3. [[Blue Lasermail/flying machine|flying machine]] 
2. [[Blue Lasermail/favorites|favorites]] 
1. [[Blue Lasermail/trademarked|trademarked]]
</blockquote>
Wanna email Blue Laser? Send your email to '''bluelasermail@yahoo.com''' or drop your message by [[Blue Lasermail/P. O. Box|The P. O. Box]]!

==Characters==
===Blue Laser===
A not-so-elite criminal mastermind intent on ruling the world, crushing the Cheat Commandos, and blowing up stuff. He has numerous minions, including the sultry New Bad Guy Character. Despite his determination and powerful forces, his schemes tend to fail miserably. Like, all the time. His latest plan is to crush the Cheat Commandos using his new, "high-tech" computer, the Blasty 987. Oh yeah, and he still lives with his Nana.

===Cheat Commandos===
Despite slacking off, playing video games with the enemy, and spending their budget on pizza, the C.C.dos are always able to crush Blue Laser's plans like a fly. Their leader, Gunhaver, is Blue Laser's nemesis ever since some childhood incident. Don't ask.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemailCommandos.png</center>

===Lemmy===
The local repairman that helped hook up the Blasty 987 for Blue Laser. He runs his own business, "Lemmy's Repair", and lives next door to Nana. He speaks with an unidentifiable accent and is generally uninterested in his customers' satisfaction.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BlueLaserRepairGuy3.png</center>

===New Bad Guy Girl Character===
Usually referred to as The New Girl, she's Blue Laser's singular female minion. Despite Laser's attempts to get her attention, New Girl finds him to be nothing more than the creepy dude that supplies her with a pay check. In truth, she's really more interested in Gunhaver.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemailNewGirl-1.png</center>

===The Topplegangers===
A gang of shady <s>missionaries</s> mercenaries led by none other than Crackotage's evil twin brother, Subtlefuge. They hide away in the swamp doing all types of shady business. Don't ask what type of shady business they do. No one really knows for sure. Though Reynold suspects that it has to do with air fresheners.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BlemailGangers-1.png</center>

===Redd Laser===
Redd is Blue Laser's brother. He aspires to be a writer, despite the fact that his writing is usually terrible. In [[Blue Lasermail/brotherly love|brotherly love]], he is revealed to be about five minutes older than Blue Laser.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemailRedd.png</center>

==Computers==
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemailBlasty.png</center>
===Blasty 987===
Blue Laser's first and current computer. It was installed by Lemmy in [[Blue Lasermail/trademarked|trademarked]]. Its features include:
*Typing
*Clicking
*Typing and clicking at the same time
*Checking email
It also comes with a two-second money back guarantee.

'''Emails checked on the Blasty 987:''' 14

Blue Lasermail/war

2010-05-28T19:31:27Z

The Wheelchair: Forgot that!

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail6Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser discusses his past wars.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[HRwiki:The Topplegangers|Subtlefuge]], Old Lady (voice only), [[HRwiki:Reynold's Brother|Reynold's Brother]],[[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minion]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Commander's Nana's Backyard|Nana's Backyard]], Stage, Snowy Field

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Friday, March 5th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty 987: Warfare Edition!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Did he check six emails or only five?" Well, in all the excitement, I lost track myself. ''(brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">
Dear Lou Blazer, 
Were you ever enemies with any other organizations or people before the Cheat Commandos? 
Is there anyone besides them that you are at war with now? 
Don't look behind you, 
John McCreepyface</blockquote>

''{After reading "Lou Blazer", Blue Laser comments "Oh, it's one of those spoonmiser things."}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, John, I'm gonna take your advice and not look behind me. All that's back there is the wall and some leftover pizza. ''{clears screen}'' So anyways, I'm not at war with anyone besides the C.C.dos at the moment, but boy have I been in several wars in the past! In fact, I'm like a... Warlordinger. That's how many wars I've been in! I mean, who can forgot our territorial war with the Topplegangers?

''{Cut to Nana's Backyard. Blue Laser and Subtlefuge are arguing.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' I don't care if your driveway is full! Get that tank off my lawn!

'''SUBTLEFUGE:''' Oh, please. I could move that tank a good five feet over and it still wouldn't be touching your property line!

'''BLUE LASER:''' This means war!

''{The two grab their weapons and begin firing wildly.}''

'''OLD LADY:''' ''{offscreen}'' My petunias!

''{The scene pauses like a video tape.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Or what about our brief war with Reynold's younger brother back in our band days?

''{Cut to a stage. Reynold's brother and Blue Laser are arguing. Blue Laser is sporting a long black wig.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' No, I'm the main act!

'''REYNOLD'S BROTHER:''' Look, man, we had a deal. Blue Laser Band is the opening act, Jaded Teens is the headliner.

'''BLUE LASER:''' But no one cares about your band! They wanna see me! In the flesh! Not you and your misunderstood crybabies!

'''REYNOLD'S BROTHER:''' What was that!?

'''BLUE LASER:''' This means war! 
'''REYNOLD'S BROTHER:''' ''{simultaneously}'' This means war.

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' But the best war I ever had was our snowball civil war against our own rebel soldiers!

''{Cut to a snowy field. Blue Laser and two minions are hiding behind a snow fort with a pile of snowballs.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, men, they may have us outnumbered, ''{turns and throws a snowball}'' but we still ''{throws another snowball}'' have a chance! We'll split up and hit 'em from all ''{throws another snowball}'' sides!

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' But what about the hostage, sir?

'''BLUE LASER:''' All they managed to take was Redd, and who cares about him?

''{Cut to Redd, who is trapped in a cage made of snow.}''

'''REDD:''' ''{singing}'' Somewhere, over the-

''{Abruptly cut back to Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, on the count of three! One... two... RUN LIKE THE FREAKING WIND!

''{The three take off in different directions. After a few moments they run back, covered in snow.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay, that didn't work. Any other ideas?

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' We could try making peace.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Fine, it's worth a shot. Anyone got a pen and some paper?

''{The first minion grabs a pen and paper from his pocket and hands it to Blue Laser. Cut to a close up of the paper.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{writing}'' Dear rebels, We sincerely apologize for any offense caused by the "taco salad incident." Please accept our apology, and stop trying to kill us with snow. K thanks, Blue.

''{Cut back to a full shot of Blue Laser and his minions.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay. Time to send this by carrier pigeon.

''{Blue Laser attaches the treaty to a snowball and tosses it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Now we just wait for a response and-

''{The snowball and treaty are thrown back at Blue Laser, hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him out. Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' I still don't know how that war ended, since I was in a coma for a week. I imagine my loyal minions defeated the rebels in a triumphant barrage of snowball glory, though.

''{Cut to a full shot of the computer room. A Blue Laser Minion stands next to the desk.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' Actually, sir, we surrendered two minutes after you were knocked out.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. And what about the taco salad incident?

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' They were right, sir. Its expiration date was in the early 70s.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. Crap.

''{Cut back to the Blasty. The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Y'know, I really didn't feel lucky about this email...

==Easter Eggs==
*When Blue Laser mentions being a "Warlordinger", you can click on the word to see his business card.
<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail6EasterEgg.png</center>

==Fun Facts==
*Blue Laser's intro line and final comment are both references to the movie [[Wikipedia:Dirty Harry|Dirty Harry]].
*"Spoonmiser" refers to [[HRwiki:Spoonerisms|spoonerisms]].
*The line "A lengthy battle's an incumbent's dream!" on the business card is a reference to the War Song in [[Wikipedia:Sam & Max Save the World|Sam & Max Save the World]].

Blue Lasermail/comic book

2010-05-28T19:30:18Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail13Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser makes a comic book.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minions]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, The Dolphin Crimebase

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty 987 & Co. Publishing

==Transcript==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' E-email womaaan! E-email womaaan! E-email woman! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Mr. Laser, 
Have you ever considered making a book for kids to enjoy? What would it be about? That's up to you. I'm sure that you can make a book that can make you a lot of money to crush the Cheat Commandos and do my history essay. 
-Itchy </blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Hmmm.. a book, eh, Inch? I suppose literature would help me branch out my already huge campaign of evil. But if I'm gonna write a book, I'm taking it to the 21st century! I'm writing a comic book! That's what all the cool, fam-

'''REDD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Graphic novel.

''{Cut to a full view of the room. Redd is standing next to the desk. Blue Laser turns to him.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Huh?

'''REDD:''' The proper term is graphic novel.

'''BLUE LASER:''' You just gotta work your way into every one of these, don't you?

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' As I was saying, books are for losers. The cool people are reading comic books!

'''REDD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Graphic-

'''BLUE LASER:''' Shut up!

''{Cut to a closed comic book sitting on a desk. The cover is blank.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' So the first thing we've gotta think up is a title. How about... "''Don Laser: Rogue Terror''"? Wow! I think I just blew my own mind!

''{The title "Don Laser: Rogue Terror" appears on the cover.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Next up is the cover. Of course, I've gotta be on there somewhere.

''{Blue Laser appears on the cover.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Oh! And I can be in one of those obviously futuristic yet primitive landscapes! Those always seem to sell a million copies.

''{A brown floor and purple sky appear behind Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Now we'll add the car explosions. Nothing says Blue Laser like car explosions!

''{An explosion appears behind Blue Laser. A tire is flying from it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Actually, why not just make it a futuristic parking lot? That sounds like a great setting!

''{Parking lines appear on the ground.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Now all that's left is the parental advisory warning!

''{A warning appears in the corner reading "This comic may or may not be suitable for some parents and babies."}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' I mean, come on!

''{Blue Laser's hand reaches in and flips to a page in the book. It consists of nothing but pure red panels.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' You can't let kids read this stuff!

''{The book closes. Cut to the computer room, where Blue Laser is holding an upside-down tophat.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Now for the plot. Luckily, I know just how to make this! ''{reaches into the hat and pulls out an index card}'' "Marble." ''{tosses the card aside and grabs another}'' "Dolphin." ''{another card}'' "Houses." ''{another card}'' "Crime." Sounds incoherent enough to me!

''{Blue Laser tosses the hat offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Now I just need some writer-type to turn this plot into an award winning story!

''{Blue Laser turns around. Pan left to show Redd standing there.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Somehow I knew you'd be over there. You've got 20 minutes to write an award winning comic.

'''REDD:''' Ahem...

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shouting}'' Okay fine! You've got 20 minutes to write an award winning graphic novel!

'''REDD:''' Who are you gonna have draw it?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, I have that covered.

'''REDD:''' This oughta be laughable.

''{Cut to the first panel of the comic. A poorly drawn submarine is underwater. The characters' words are displayed in text bubbles.}''

'''VOICE OVER:''' In a submarine... Deep under the ocean...

''{Next panel. A poorly drawn Blue Laser is inside the submarine, talking to a Blue Laser Minion.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{in a deeper voice}'' Prepare to dock! We've almost reached...

''{Next panel. There is a stone dolphin on the ocean floor. In its mouth is what appears to be a door.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offpanel}'' ...The Dolphin Crimebase!

''{Cut back to the computer room. Blue Laser and Redd are both reading the comic.}''

'''REDD:''' ''{holding back laughter}'' Wait, is that supposed to be a dolphin? Looks more like a whale to me.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Shut up!

''{Cut back to the comic. The next panel shows a Blue Laser Minion pointing out the submarine window. Blue Laser looks on in the corner.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' Sir, look!

'''BLUE LASER:''' What is it, minion!?

''{Next panel. The Crimebase's door is opened, revealing Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip to be inside.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' ''{offpanel}'' The Commandos have taken over our base!

''{Next panel. Blue Laser is speaking into a mic inside the submarine.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Commence Plan B! Air Force, launch the missiles!

''{Next panel. A plane is dropping a bomb into the ocean.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' ''{from inside plane}'' Aye, aye, sir.

''{Next panel. The Crimebase is hit with the bomb, and explodes. The submarine is escaping into the distance.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{from inside submarine}'' Score one for the Lasers!

''{Cut back to the computer room. Blue Laser is reading the comic while Redd watches.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{stunned}'' This is no doubt the greatest literary work ever written! I'm gonna make millions! Millions!

'''REDD:''' Aren't you forgetting something?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{tosses the comic aside}'' Oh yeah. Get out of my face!

''{Redd sighs and walks off. Cut to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So that's-a my book, Skippy! As for your essay, I'm sure you can, like, write it on how the car explosions symbolize the War of 1812. Or maybe about the dolphin's relation to John Addams. Or you can just get it online. That's what I used to do.

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on the word "essay" so see the essay.
<center>A History Essay 
By Anthony Wheel

The cover of Blue and Redd Laser's comic book "Don Laser" features a car exploson. The the following paragraph(s) I will state the relationship between the authors views of historical oils and these explosions and make a sandwich. 
In panel 6 on page 71, Blue Laser says that cheat commandos are scum. This shows that the word scum can also describ the fossil fuels axerted from the car explosions that I write about. In 1599, Thomas Jefferson said that "greenhouse gases are the cause of our problems." That guy knews a lot, so I trust him. 
The authors of this graphing novel are also big suporters of greenhouse fuels. Redd Laser wonce said that greenhouse oils are the cause of rainbows. This means that the colory nature of the books cover is a symbol of fossil rations. 
I think my essay has highlighted the many ways that greenhouse fossil foils kill the comunity and car explosions. I hope you will see this and give me an a plus and not give one to that brandon kid. I bet him five dollars he woulnt get one.
</center>

==Fun Facts==
*Blue Laser's intro song is a reference to the song [[Wikipedia:Evil Woman (Crow song)|Evil Woman]].
*Blue Laser mentions [[Wikipedia:John H. Addams|John Addams]].

Blue Lasermail/heist

2010-05-28T19:29:24Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail12Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser goes on a big heist in BEEFF Headquarters.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minions]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]], [[HRwiki:Flashfight|Flashfight]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, BEEFF HQ, [[HRwiki:Cheat Commandos HQ|Cheat Commandos HQ]] (easter egg)

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Friday, April 30th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty 987: Wanted for Spam Trafficking and Grand Theft Email

==Transcript==
'''BLUE LASER:''' Email, voted best in show for five years in a row! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Bleu Laser 
 
Have you ever commited crimes? Well, besides pwning the Cheat Commandos. 
-John Starr 
Yakima, WA </blockquote>

''{Blue Laser reads "Bleu" as "Blee-oo" and struggles pronouncing "pwning" reading it as "Pawning? No wait, pwinning? We'll go with pwinning." He also reads "Yamika, WA" as one word.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' What do you mean "Have I ever committed crimes"!? I'm a criminal mastermind, what do you think I do!? That's like asking a barber if he's ever cut someone's ear off! It's my job! ''{clears screen}'' Though, I will admit that my crimes-per-hour ratio has been a bit on the low side as of late. But I think I know just what I need to do...

''{Cut to a full-view of the room. Blue Laser turns to his left.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shouting}'' Attention! Attention! Minions of Blue Laser Inc.! Please drop what you are doing and report to the computer room immediately!

''{The sound of glass breaking is heard offscreen. Three Blue Laser Minions enter.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Look, guys, our crime level has been way too late lately. I'm thinking we need to pulls off some seriously illegal things. Maybe a... heist or something.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' We could mess with the Cheat Commandos again, sir.

'''BLUE LASER:''' No, we've been there done that. We need something bigger, tougher, the kind of thing that gets you a life sentence! We're gonna rob the BEEFF headquarters!

''{The minions stare at Blue Laser for a moment and then begin laughing.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' What is wrong with you people!? The entrance exams, the ping-pong tourneys, the movie nights, is this what they were for? So you could stand around and laugh when a ''real'' mission comes around? No! They weren't! Now I say we get out there and raid us some serious BEEFF Headquarters!

''{The minions stare at Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Also everyone that survives gets access to the coupon shelf.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' I'm in.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 2:''' Okay.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 3:''' Sounds good.

'''BLUE LASER:''' That's what I want to hear!

''{Cut to outside the BEEFF HQ at night. Blue Laser, Redd, and three Blue Laser Minions are there. Blue Laser is wearing a black beanie.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, first thing's first. We gotta get past the front door.

''{Blue Laser attempts to open it, but it's locked.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' I'm good at lock-picking, sir.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Lock-picking?

''{Blue Laser picks up a nearby rock and tosses it through the glass door, leaving a large hole in it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' You really don't know me, do you?

''{Blue Laser enters the building, followed by Redd and the minions. Cut to the building's waiting room. The lights are off.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{quietly}'' Okay, guys, the plan is simple. ''{points at Redd}'' Redd, you guard the door in case any cops show up. Don't let anyone in. If they open fire, we'll, uh, dedicate that plant to you. ''{points to a plant in the corner of the room}''

'''REDD:''' ''{sarcastically}'' How reassuring.

''{Redd walk offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' You two, ''{points to two of the minions}'' head to the kitchen area and raid the company fridge. Don't bother with salads and junk, just get the good stuff. Pizza burgers, canadian bacon, you know the drill.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' Yes, sir!

''{The two minions run offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{points to the remaining minion}'' And you're coming with me. We're gonna steal some important files! Let's go!

''{The two walk offscreen. Cut to the entrance of the building. Redd is there, guarding the door.}''

'''REDD:''' I knew I shouldn't have let him talk me into coming.

''{Gunhaver, Silent Rip, and Fightgar walk up, looking rather tired.}''

'''FIGHTGAR:''' If I ever find out which one of you two programmed the Blue Las-alert to run 24-7...

'''GUNHAVER:''' ''{noticing Redd}'' Stand by citizen! We're here to investigate some suspicious occurrences!

'''REDD:''' Sorry, guys. Blue told me not to let anyone in. Of course, he also once told me to jump in front of him if gunfire ever breaks out, so I'll admit my loyalties are questionable.

''{Cut to what appears to be a BEEFF office. Blue Laser and the minion enter.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Who the crap built this place? It's like a maze! We've been through five offices, eight rec rooms, and two janitor's closets and we still haven't found any file rooms!

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' Why files, sir?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Well, what do you expect a criminal mastermind like me to steal? You don't see Bond trying to stop any famous office chair thieves!

''{Cut to a kitchen area. The two minions are there. One is tossing food items out of the fridge to the other, who inspects in and tosses it offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' Don't they have anything good in here?

'''BLUE LASER MINION 2:''' I'm beginning to wonder that myself.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' Veggie burgers, salad dressing, aha!

''{The minion holds out two bags of pork rinds. Cut to an elevator. Blue Laser and the minion is there. Blue Laser is looking at the buttons on the elevator.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, let's try floor... 6. ''{presses a button}''

''{After a few seconds, the door opens into a square room with one other door.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Aha! ''{points upward}''

''{Cut to a sign above the door reading:'' 
''Important Company Files'' 
''Authorized Personal Only}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' We've hit the jackpot!

''{Cut back to the two.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turning to the minion}'' Quick, authorize me.

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' Uh, you're authorized to enter, sir.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, how I love unspecified warning signs. Now let's go!

''{The two walk towards the door. Cut to the waiting room. Redd and the Cheat Commandos enter.}''

'''REDD:''' So then I told him-

''{The two Blue Laser Minions enter, carrying handfuls of pork rind bags.}''

'''REDD:''' Oh, hey guys.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' Aren't those Cheat Commandos?

'''REDD:''' Naw, it's fine. They're with me.

''{Redd, the Cheat Commandos, and the minions begin walking offscreen to the left.}''

'''REDD:''' So, anyway, as I was saying...

''{Cut to the BEEFF file room. Blue Laser and the minions are there, searching through file cabinets.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' So, what files are we looking for, sir?

'''BLUE LASER:''' I don't know, good ones!

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' How about this one? ''{tosses a file to Blue Laser}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{reading the file}'' Blueprints for Washy 5000... This is perfect! I can't wait to see the look on those suckers faces when the blueprints for their villain stopping technology is stolen!

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' I think those are just for a washing machine, sir.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, well. At least we can ruin their clean clothes standard.

''{The Cheat Commandos enter.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ahh! Witnesses! Quick, frame them!

''{Blue Laser tosses the file to Gunhaver and runs off with the minion. Flashfight enters wearing a nightgown.}''

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' What the blazes is going on in here?

'''GUNHAVER:''' Ahh! A witness! Quick, frame 'em!

''{Gunhaver tosses the file to Flashfight and runs off with the rest of the commandos. Redd enters.}''

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' A-

'''REDD:''' Oh, no way! Not me!

''{Redd runs off. Cut back to the Blasty. Blue Laser sits down.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, Yak, we didn't get to steal any files, but that heist did have some bonuses. For instance, right now, I'm gonna help my minions haul 10 pounds of pork rinds into the basement! ''{turning away from the computer}'' Don't worry, guys, I'm-a coming!

''{Blue Laser runs offscreen. The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on "files" to see a scene with Flashfight.
''{Flashfight is tied to a chair in the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver is interrogating him while Silent Rip holds a flashlight over him.}'' 
'''GUNHAVER:''' Alright, what did you need those files for, scum? 
'''FLASHFIGHT:''' If you buffoons let me go immediately, I might ''think'' about not filing charges. 
''{Silent Rip flashes the flashlight off and on. Gunhaver turns away.}'' 
'''GUNHAVER:''' I've wanted to do this for years.

==Fun Facts==
*"Bond" of course refers to [[Wikipedia:James Bond|James Bond]].

Blue Lasermail/parade

2010-05-28T19:28:56Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail11Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser hosts the First-Annual Blue Laser Style Parade.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[HRwiki:New Bad Guy Girl Character|New Bad Guy Girl Character]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minions]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Babies|Blue Laser Babies]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, The Street, [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Commander's Nana's Backyard|Nana's Backyard]], Redd's Room (easter egg)

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Sponsored by the Blasty 987!!

==Transcript==

'''BLUE LASER:''' The views expressed in this email most definitely represent those of Blue Laser. ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Laser, 
If you were to make a parade in your own honor after taking over the world or doing a million cartwheels or something,
what kinda cool floats and stuff would you have? 
Sincerely, 
Clubs Deuce </blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, Clubble Deuce, you're in luck. Guess who just won the gold medal in the Sunny Morning Breakfast contest for the third year in a row! That's right, Gunhaver. But guess who stole the medal and blew up Gunhaver's waffle and bacon recipe five minutes later! That's right, me. So my minions are holding a parade downtown in my honor! It'll be great!

''{Cut to the street corner. The Laser Tracks stand has been re-dubbed "Commentary Box." There is a microphone sitting atop it.}''

'''ANNOUNCER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Presenting the First-Annual Blue Laser Style Parade. ''{the parade's logo appears and shortly after fades away}'' Here come our hosts, Blue Laser and the New Girl.

''{Blue Laser walks in and takes a seat at the stand. The New Girl follows and stands next to it.}''

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' I'm not sitting in that thing.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Suit yourself. ''{grabbing the microphone}'' Welcome, folks, to the First Annual Blue Laser Style Parade! I'm your host, Blue Laser!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' And I'm your co-host.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Without further ado, let's get this thing a-rolling!

''{Cut to a full view of the street. Two Blue Laser Minions enter wearing marching band hats. Cut to a close-up of the minions.}''

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' ''{offscreen}'' And starting the parade as always is the Blue Laser Marching.. err.. I guess just the Blue Laser Marching, since ''someone'' couldn't afford instruments.

''{Cut back to the commentary box.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hey! Don't go blaming me! Have you seen the price on paper towel these days? You wouldn't believe it!

''{Cut to the minions again.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' You guys just... keep on marching.

''{Cut back to a full view of the street. The minions walk offscreen, and are followed by a minion carrying a giant Blue Laser balloon.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Now that's a parade balloon! It captures all my best features!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' Including your enormous size?

''{Cut to the commentary box.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, that is it. Let's just see what I say when your giant parade balloon comes by!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' I don't have a balloon in this parade.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Well... remind me to add one next year!

''{Cut to the street again. The giant balloon in followed by the Air Laser, which is driven by another Blue Laser Minion. It carries a banner that reads "Call Lemmy for repairs and priced electronics!" followed by Lemmy's (lengthy) number, as seen in trademarked.}''

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' And next up is the Air Laser!

'''BLUE LASER:''' When did they get that working again?

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' I wasn't aware they had.

''{The Lemmy's phone number is still going by on the banner. Cut to the commentary box.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay, let's take bets. Which will happen first? That freakin' phone number ends, or the plane malfunctions and crashes into the audience?

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' There isn't any audience.

''{Cut back to the street. The banner finally finishes going by.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' And we have a winner!

''{Cut back to the commentary box. Blue Laser pulls out a bell and rings it, then tosses it offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' You heard that sound, folks! It's time for the completely non-parade related dancing routine!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' Let's cut to our stage.

''{Cut to Nana's backyard. The Blue Laser Babies are both sitting in a hammock. One of them rolls to the right.}''

'''BLUE LASER BABY 1:''' Goo-geh.

'''BLUE LASER BABY 2:''' Goo-weh.

''{One of the babies rolls to the edge. Cut back to the commentary box just before he falls off.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' O-okay! Give it up for the Blue Laser Babies! Next up is a favorite of mine.

''{Cut to the street. A parade float comes in featuring cardboard cutouts of Blue Laser as various figures from American history. The cutouts feature Blue Laser wearing a powdered wig and holding what appears to be the U.S. Constitution, Blue Laser as "Boss" Tweed, and Blue Laser on the moon.}''

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' That is entirely unnecessary.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Nonsense! It's only right my minions know of my many contributions!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' But "Blue Tweed?"

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{angrily}'' I like that one!

'''THE NEW GIRL:''' Fine then.

''{The "historic" float goes offscreen. Cut to the commentary box.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Well, we've come to the end of this parade. And closing it off is good ol'-

''{Cut to the street. Another float comes in. Redd's bed is on it, with Redd still sleeping in it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' -jolly St. Napping Redd!

''{Cut to a close-up of the float. Redd wakes up.}''

'''REDD:''' Where am I? Why am I moving? Blue! What did you do?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Say hello to the camera, Redd!

'''REDD:''' Get me off of here!

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Buh-bye, Redd!

''{The float goes offscreen. The parade's logo again appears on the screen.}''

'''ANNOUNCER:''' ''{voiceover}'' This has been the First Annual Blue Laser Parade. Stay tuned for the Low-Pedigree Worldwide National State Dog Show. ''{the parade's logo fades into the dog show's logo}'' Or go make a turkey or something.

''{Cut back to the Blasty. Blue Laser sits down.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' There you have it, Doug! Be sure to join us next year! We're already investing in shaving cream to make our jolly saint even more authentic! It'll be can't-miss programming!

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on "jolly saint" to see what happens later that night.
''{Blue Laser enters Redd's room.}'' 
'''BLUE LASER:''' Hey, Redd. You seen my- Redd? Huh. Where'd he run off to? 
''{Cut to the street. It's now late at night, and Redd is still on the parade float, which is still moving.}'' 
'''REDD:''' Does anyone know how to make this thing stop!?

==Fun Facts==
*"Clubble Deuce" is a reference to the [[HRwiki:Double Deuce|Double Deuce]].
*The entire parade is a parody of the [[Wikipedia:Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade|Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade]].
**The "Low-Pedigree Worldwide National State Dog Show" is also a parody of the [[Wikipedia:National Dog Show|National Dog Show]], which airs after the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade.
*[[Wikipedia:William M. Tweed|William M. Tweed]] (or "Boss" Tweed) was a 19th century politician notable for stealing millions of dollars from taxpayers.

Blue Lasermail/deleted

2010-05-28T19:28:15Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail10image.png</center> 
Lemmy's new product goes berserk. Is this the end of Blue Laser? (No.)

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue_Lasermail#Lemmy|Lemmy]], Deleter 5000, [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Ripberger|Ripberger]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, Living Room, Redd's Room, [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Commander's Nana's Backyard|Nana's Backyard]]

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Saturday, April 10th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' The newest in Blasty-compatible accessories!!

==Transcript==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' Maybe, it's not too laAAate to learn how to email, and forget how to snaAAailmail! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Laser, 
Who develops your technology? It all looks so awesome. Did you ever have stuff that didn't work, and how did you deal with the people responsible? 
-Crowbar</blockquote>

''{Blue Laser stretches out the "so" for a moment.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, Crowman, my technology is developed by the one guy in this neighborhood that knows a thing about electronics. That's right, Lemmy. And your next question is pretty much invalid, since Lemmy's stuff never malfunctions! I mean sure, there was that toaster that stopped working. But Lemmy fixed that right up-

''{Cut to a kitchen counter. There is a toaster there, flaming.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' -with a little gasoline and a matchbox.

''{Cut back to the computer.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Now it toasts better than ever! Which reminds me, Lemmy's supposed to show up today to show me his newest product. In fact, I think he may be here now!

''{Cut to a full view of the computer room. Blue Laser turns to his left quickly, but no one is there.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Dang! I thought for sure I heard him come in!

''{Pan right. Lemmy is there on the other side of the desk, holding a large brown bag.}''

'''LEMMY:''' Hey, Blue!

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turns to Lemmy}'' Ahh! How did you get over there!? The door's not even on that side of the room!

'''LEMMY:''' That doesn't matter right now! What does matter is that you're about to be blown away!

''{Lemmy pulls the bag away, revealing a robot consisting of a screen, arms, and a hovering device. Lemmy then grabs a remote and turns on the robot, which begins hovering. A face appears on it's screen.}''

'''LEMMY:''' Presenting the Deleter 5000!

''{Cut to a close-up of the robot. The background fades to yellow.}''

'''LEMMY:''' ''{voiceover}'' The Deleter 5000 deletes all manner of spam, junk, and Harry emails ''{the word "Spam!" appears in the top right corner.}'' with an amazing no money back guarantee. ''{"No money back!" appears in the top left corner.}'' Simply let him at your computer and your inbox will be purified in no time! All this can be yours for the low price of fifteen undesirable payments! ''{"Fifteen undesirable payments!" appears and flashes at the bottom.}'' Order now!

''{The background returns to normal. Cut back to a full view of the room.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{amazed}'' Do you take Tyrantcard?

'''LEMMY:''' Along with cash, check, and newborn babies! Ehrm, no need to give me your credit card info. I keep it stored in my, ahem, depository for, ahem, safe-keeping.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. That's a... convenient met-

'''LEMMY:''' ''{interrupting}'' Yeah! Convenient! That's a word for it! If you have any troubles, you know my number! See ya!

''{Lemmy takes off.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turning to the robot}'' Uh, so you just go on and start deleting. I'll be in the other room.

''{Blue Laser walks off. The robot moves toward the computer. Cut to a black screen reading "Fifteen minutes later." Then cut to the living room, where Blue Laser is watching TV.}''

'''TUCKSWORTH:''' ''{on TV}'' You can't build a petting zoo, Caleb!

'''CALEB:''' ''{on TV}'' I can now!

'''BLUE LASER:''' You tell 'em, Caleb! Build that zoo! Build it!

''{Cut to a back-view of the Blasty 987. The Deleter 5000 is at the computer.}''

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Lazor" is not a word. Perhaps you meant "Lazar." Deleted.

''{The robot presses a button on the keyboard, sounding the Deleted buzzer. Cut to the Blasty's screen. It reads:}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">
0 emails remaining, loser.
</blockquote>

'''DELETER 5000:''' Zero spam remaining here. Must find more.

''{The Deleter leaves. Cut back to the living room.}''

'''CALEB:''' ''{on TV}'' I sure did.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, you are a riot, Caleb! Bwahaha!

''{The Deleter enters.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turning to the robot}'' Oh, Deletebot. What are you doing here?

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Deletebot" is not a word. Perhaps you meant "Deleterious."

''{The Deleter fires a laser at Blue Laser, who jumps out of the way.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' What the crap what that?

'''TV:''' We'll be right back with Caleb Rentpayer after these messages.

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Rentpayer" is not a word. Perhaps you meant "Repayment."

''{The robot fires a laser at the TV, destroying it. Blue Laser screams and runs off. The Deleter follows closely.}''

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Aaah" is not a word. Perhaps you me-

''{Cut to Redd's room. Redd is shifting through his dresser.}''

'''REDD:''' So if I rearrange the blog archives to make room for my medieval-

''{Blue Laser runs in.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Quick, Redd! There's an evil robot bent on our destruction!

'''REDD:''' What are you rambling on about?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Lemmy made this robot to delete junk mail and now it's trying to kill me!

'''REDD:''' Blue, worry about your stupid schemes somewhere else. I've got a lot to do today and I'm not letting you mess it up with your "Deletebot" garbage.

''{The Deleter enters.}''

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Deletebot" is not a word.

''{The robot fires a laser at Redd, who jumps out of the way.}''

'''REDD:''' Run for it!

''{Redd and Blue Laser run into Redd's closet, locking the door. Cut to inside the closet.}''

'''DELETER 5000:''' ''{from outside}'' Perhaps you meant...

'''BLUE LASER:''' What are we gonna do!?

'''REDD:''' Okay, let's stay calm. You say you got this thing from Lemmy? I'll just call him up and have him come turn that robot off.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Good plan! You have one of those portable phones, right?

''{Redd grabs his cell-phone and dials a number.}''

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' What can I do for ya?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{grabs the phone}'' I'll take over. ''{cheerfully}'' Lemmy? This is Blue Laser. It seems your robot has gone crazy and is trying to kill us. So if you could just come over here and ''{shouting angrily}'' GET THIS THING AWAY FROM US, ''{cheerful again}'' that'd be swell.

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' A'right, Blue, here's what you're gonna wanna do.

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shouting angrily}'' I'm not gonna wanna do anything! You're gonna wanna come and fix this mess before I bomb your store!

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' I'll get right on that.

''{Cut to Redd's room. The robot is still there. Lemmy enters.}''

'''LEMMY:''' Alright, robot. Your comin' with me.

'''DELETER 5000:''' "Comin'" is not a word. Perhaps you meant "Colin."

''{The Deleter fires a laser at Lemmy, who dodges. Lemmy run past him, into the closet. Cut to inside the closet.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hey, I thought we locked this door.

'''REDD:''' Yeah. This lock hasn't worked in year.

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{sarcastically}'' Well, that's good to know.

'''LEMMY:''' Hey, nice little hideout you guys got back here.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, I should have known this would happen! All your working stuff is made out of Frankenberry boxes and used dish washer detergent! You make something out of legit parts and it goes insane!

'''REDD:''' In his defense, all that other stuff doesn't work either.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Does so! 
'''LEMMY:''' ''{simultaneously}'' It does!

'''REDD:''' Don't you have some way to turn that robot off?

'''LEMMY:''' Oh! The remote! I'll try that!

''{Lemmy opens the closet a bit and sticks out the remote.}''

'''LEMMY:''' Come 'ere, Deleter!

'''DELETER 5000:''' "'ere" is not a word.

''{The Deleter fires a laser, destroying the remote. Lemmy jumps back into the closet.}''

'''REDD:''' This confirms my theory that you two are some of the most illiterate people in the world.

'''BLUE LASER:''' I know, we'll call my minions! I trained them to get through situations like this!

''{Blue Laser dials a number on the phone. Cut to Nana's backyard. Two minions are there, and a phone is sitting on the Blue Laser Supercomputer. It begins ringing. One minion walks toward the phone.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' I should get this.

'''BLUE LASER MINION 2:''' Wait, didn't the commander take away our phone privileges?

'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' Oh yeah. Better ignore it.

''{Cut back to the closet. Blue Laser is still waiting for someone to answer the phone.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' C'mon, minions. I don't have all day. ARGH! They never answer me when I call them!

''{Blue Laser tosses the phone at the wall. The phone breaks in half.}''

'''REDD:''' Nice goin', Blue.

'''LEMMY:''' This leaves us with two options. Option one is to sit here all day until the robot thinks of opening the door and we all die. Option two is to ''{shouting}'' run like th' wind!

''{Blue Laser and Lemmy take off, leaving Redd behind.}''

'''REDD:''' I.. was gonna go for option one.

''{Cut to Blue Laser and Lemmy being chased through various rooms by the Deleter. They eventually end up in the computer room, where they run to a dead-end.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ahhh! A dead end!

''{The Deleter catches up with the two, cornering them.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Lemmy, if we somehow make it out of this, I want my money back.

'''LEMMY:''' No can do, Blue. I already invested it.

'''BLUE LASER:''' In what?

'''LEMMY:''' A hot tub, but that doesn't matter right now.

'''DELETER 5000:''' Deleted! Deleted! De-

''{Pan left. Glass breaking is heard, and the Cheat Commandos (Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Ripberger) fall through the ceiling. The Deleter turns to them.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Delete this!

''{The Cheat Commandos fire at the robot mercilessly. He falls, steaming.}''

'''DELETER 5000:''' De...let...ed.

''{The robot's screen goes black.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Wha-the-ble-huh!?

''{Redd enters}''

'''REDD:''' Thanks, guys.

'''GUNHAVER:''' No problem, Redd!

'''BLUE LASER:''' What the crap is going on here!?

'''GUNHAVER:''' We just saved you! Haha! Bet that makes you rethink your next evil plan!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Saved me? Haha, no. I totally had this handled. All ''you'' did was break my dang skylight.

'''GUNHAVER:''' What?

''{Pan left. An army of Blue Laser Minions is there, pointing their guns at the Cheat Commandos.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' There are Cheat Commandos in your computer room, sir.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Fire at will!

'''GUNHAVER:''' Crap! Ripberger, hit us with one of those smoke techniques!

''{Ripberger tosses down a smoke bomb. When the smoke fades, the Cheat Commandos are gone. Blue Laser stares at the spot for a moment.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Why can't any of you minions do that?

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So you see, Crow's Nest? The Cheat Commandos are still goodie-two-shoes vandals. That was your question, right? Right!? I thought so. Now, I'm gonna go talk to Lemmy about his return policy. And also his bombing policy. Mostly the latter.

''{Blue Laser leaves. The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on "question" to see an exchange between Redd and Blue in the computer room.
'''REDD:''' So, this is your big tenth email, huh? And plans to celebrate? 
'''BLUE LASER:''' Big tenth? Who celebrates tenths? That's like saying "Oh boy! If I answer ten times as many of these things, I'll reach a non-crappy landmark!" 
'''REDD:''' Well, you could at least include an easter egg or something referencing the fact. 
'''BLUE LASER:''' I guess that's reasonable.
*At the end, click on "bombing policy" to see the Deleter 5000's action figure. Its features are: 
**Synthesized Voice! 
**Grammar Laser! 
**Metal Screen! 
**Frankenberry Boxes!

==Fun Facts==
*Blue Laser's intro song is a reference to the song [[Wikipedia:Crazy Train|Crazy Train]].
*The Deleter 5000's mention of "Lazor" not being a word is a reference to [[Blue Lasermail/trademarked|trademarked]].
*Blue Laser mentions Lemmy's products being made of [[Wikipedia:Frankenberry|Frankenberry]] boxes.

Blue Lasermail/musical

2010-05-28T19:27:34Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail9Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser has Redd direct a musical. Oh boy.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], [[HRwiki:Reynold's Younger Brother|Reynold's Younger Brother]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]], [[HRwiki:Reynold|Reynold]] (easter egg)

'''Places:''' Computer Room, A Stage

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Saturday, March 27th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Contact Blasty 987 for seating info!

==Transcript==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' Somewheeeere, over the email, bluebirds explode! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Laser, 
Have you ever considered making a musical? Think about it. 
Your buddy, 
Jack Noir</blockquote>

''{Blue Laser struggles pronouncing "noir," reading it as "No-or? Err, Noo-er? No-ire?"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, NoonyJack, that's a pretty good idea! Just one minor problem: How the crap do you make a musical? I mean, I'm skilled in many things, but making a musical? That is ''not'' in the villainous handbook!

''{Cut to a full view of the room. Blue Laser turns from the computer and produces a book, "The Villainous Handbook." He quickly flips through the pages before tossing it aside and turning back to the computer. Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Nope, not in there. Though there is someone around here with musical experience!

''{Cut to Redd's room. Redd is at his desk, reading a book. Blue Laser enters.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hey, Redd. Wanna write, direct, and cast a musical?

'''REDD:''' ''{turns to Blue Laser}'' My life would be complete.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Good. Have it ready in fifteen minutes, tops. I'll pass out fliers.

''{Blue Laser exits.}''

'''REDD:''' I won't let you down! This will be pure, handcrafted excellence! ...You'll recommend me to the Playwrights Association, won't you? Blue?

''{Cut to a backstage area. Redd is standing there, holding a clipboard.}''

'''REDD:''' Alright, show starts in five minutes! Get in your costumes! Remember your lines! ''{suddenly manic}'' DON'T SCREW THIS UP!

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Uhh, Redd...

''{Pan right. Blue Laser is standing there in a hat similar to Gunhaver's.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Any explanation as to why I'm cast as Gunhaver? I hate that guy!

'''REDD:''' You see, Blue, your hatred of Gunhaver symbolizes Gunhaver's own inner struggles, and his constant desire to be better.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay, I'll pretend I get that. But that doesn't explain why you cast Gunhaver as me.

''{Pan right again. Gunhaver is standing there wearing an eye patch.}''

'''REDD:''' Gunhaver's role as you symbolizes your confused morals and the inner goodness hidden away in you.

'''BLUE LASER:''' If you suggest I have "inner goodness" one more time, then your face will symbolize a broken skull!

'''REDD:''' Look, this musical has to be perfect, guys. My future career in the musical industry depends on it! And besides, we have a full house tonight!

''{Cut to the audience. The only one there is Reynold's Brother, who is sound sleep with a bag of popcorn next to him. Cut back to backstage.}''

'''REDD:''' So, any questions before we begin?

'''SILENT RIP:''' ''{offscreen}'' Uh, yeah, about the script.

''{Pan left. Silent Rip is standing there, wearing Fightgar's headband and looking at the script.}''

'''REDD:''' What is it, Silent Rip?

'''SILENT RIP:''' This script shows Fightgar as singing the opening to "Life Beyond War."

'''REDD:''' That's correct.

'''SILENT RIP:''' Does that mean that I'm gonna sing the opening as Fightgar, or that Fightgar is going to sing the opening as Firebert?

'''REDD:''' Fightgar's going to sing it.

'''SILENT RIP:''' Which Fightgar? My Fightgar or Fightgar's Fightgar?

'''REDD:''' Fightgar doesn't play Fightgar, he plays Firebert.

'''SILENT RIP:''' I know that, but does Fightgar sing the opening?

'''REDD:''' Yes.

'''SILENT RIP:''' ''{annoyed}'' Which Fightgar!?

'''REYNOLD'S BROTHER:''' ''{offscreen}'' The thing was supposed to start thirty seconds ago! What gives?

'''REDD:''' ''{waving his arms wildly}'' GO! GO! GO!

''{The cast rushes past Redd. Cut to the stage. Blue Laser and Gunhaver are there (still dressed as one-another), and are battling it out with cardboard guns.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{unenthusiastically}'' Alright, you villainous scum, eat... bullets.

'''GUNHAVER:''' ''{unenthusiastically}'' No, you, Cheat Commando.

''{Cut back to backstage. Redd is watching the play.}''

'''REDD:''' It's.... beautiful.

''{Fade to black. Then fade back to the stage, where the musical is well underway. Silent Rip, Fightgar, Blue Laser, and Gunhaver are onstage, singing off-key.}''

'''BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER:''' Fighting for what weeEeeeEeeeEE consider justiiiiiiice!

'''SILENT RIP & FIGHTGAR:''' Ooooohhh justice!

''{Cut to the audience. Reynold's Brother is once again sleeping.}''

'''BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' WeeEEeee never thought it'd come this faaaAaaaAar!

''{Reynold's Brother suddenly wakes up. He stares at the stage for a second before walking out.}''

'''BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER:''' ThiiiiIis time around-

''{Redd enters the stage. He stares at the now empty seating for a moment.}''

'''BLUE LASER & GUNHAVER:''' -we'll find ouuUUurselves somewhere nEEeeEew!

'''REDD:''' ''{sadly}'' Yeah, you guys can quit now.

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{stops singing}'' About freakin' time.

''{The cast walks off. Redd stands there for a moment.}''

'''REDD:''' Well, maybe film school will still let me in after that tragedy. ''{begins walking off}'' Ha. Doubt it.

''{Cut back to the Blasty. Blue Laser walks up and sits in front of it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, Norman, there's my musical. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go see what other career opportunities I can crush for Redd. It just warms my heart to think of him working at Wendy's for the rest of his life. Bwahaha!

''{Blue Laser walks away. The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on "musical" to see a scene at the stage.
''{Reynold walks onto the now empty stage and looks around.}'' 
'''REYNOLD:''' Aw, phooey! I missed another one! Why if it wasn't for this darn Daylight Savings Time...

==Fun Facts==
*[[Wikipedia:Wendy's|Wendy's]] is an international fast food chain restaurant.

Blue Lasermail/brotherly love

2010-05-28T19:26:49Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail8Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser gives us tips on handling annoying little brothers. Redd beware.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]], [[HRwiki:New Bad Guy Girl Character|New Bad Guy Girl Character]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, Living Room, Redd's Room

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Monday, March 22, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Party! Blasty Party!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' Walking around in email town! Walking around, till the internet goes down! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Bluest Laser, 
I have a little brother who's always all the time getting
on my nerves. Since you seem to be able to handle Redd
pretty well, do you have any tips? 
Your greatest friend, 
Samuel J. Partsmatter, Sr.</blockquote>

''{After reading "Your greatest friend," Blue Laser quickly says "Nope."}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So you got a brother problem, do ya, S. Prance Jr.? Well, you've come to the right person! I know all about handling pesky brothers of the pesky persuasion! Hit him with my easy to use methods, and your little brother will be running for the hills!

''{Cut to what appears to be a chalkboard. There is a crude drawing of Redd with "Method 1" below it. "Learn His Hobbies!"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Method 1 is something I like to call learning his hobbies! If you know what your brother likes, you can better destroy it in a fiery explosion!

''{Cut to the computer room. Blue Laser is at the desk, apparently answering an email.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So you see, Bobstein? Using a bit of political sci-

''{Redd walks in carrying a cardboard box. Blue Laser turns to him.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hey, Redd, what's in that box that I've never seen before?

'''REDD:''' Oh, it's just some supplies for my newest hobby. I've decided to take up the art of origami!

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'll show you origami!

''{Blue Laser grabs a BMW lighter and tosses it at the box, turning it to ashes.}''

'''REDD:''' Awww! I paid fifty bucks for those origami kits!

''{Cut back to the chalkboard. "Method 2" is now written under the drawing of Redd. "A Complex Trap is a Good Trap!"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Hahaha! I love seeing that look of horror on his face! Oh right, the method teaching. ''{clears throat}'' Method 2 involves the art of trap making. See, the more complex your trap is, the better! If you can put Rube Goldberg to shame, not only will succeed in torturing your brother, you'll also impress the nearby ladies!

''{Cut to the living room. A trap is set up apparently involving a string of dominoes, a large red button, and a metal hand holding a balloon. Redd enters with a bag of groceries.}''

'''REDD:''' Hey guys, I got the skim milk!

''{As Redd walks in, he knocks down the first domino, setting off the rest of them. The final one hits the button, causing the metal hand to let go of the balloon. Pan upward with the balloon. Attached to the ceiling is a seesaw like device holding a bowling ball. The balloon floats upward and tilts the device, causing the bowling ball to fall. Cut back to Redd. The New Girl walks up to him.}''

'''NEW BAD GUY GIRL CHARACTER:''' You didn't forget the cold cuts, did-

''{The bowling ball falls, but rather than hitting Redd, it hits the New Girl, who is knocked out. The scene darkens and pauses.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Err, granted, you might wanna hire some beta testers to make sure your trap works beforehand.

''{Cut back to the chalkboard. "Method 3" is now written on it. "Never Use the Same Trap Twice."}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Method 3 should be an obvious one. Never use the same trap twice! Hiding extra sensitive black market land mines under his floorboards might be funny the first time, but soon enough he starts to memorize their positions and it just kills the joy. Though, there are a few traps that can be repeated...

''{Cut to Redd's room. Redd is sitting at his desk, writing.}''

'''REDD:''' Oh! I forgot my ballpoint pen in the living room!

''{Cut to the other side of the desk to reveal a mousetrap on the floor next to Redd's stool. Redd stands up, catching his foot in the mousetrap.}''

'''REDD:''' Ow! Ow! Ow!

''{Redd manages to free himself from the trap. A few seconds after another one falls from the ceiling, trapping his.. err.. nose?}''

'''REDD:''' Oh, for crying out loud! Ow! Ow! Ow!

''{Cut back to the chalkboard. The drawing of Redd now has X's for eyes. We are now on "Method 4," which is "Never Let Him Win!"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' And finally, we have the fourth method. Even when he manages to win, don't let him! Ever!

''{Cut to the living room. Blue Laser and Redd are sitting on the couch holding Gamecube controllers. Redd tosses his aside and jumps up.}''

'''REDD:''' Yes! I told you Samus could totally beat Ganondorf! I told you!

'''BLUE LASER:''' That's just because we were on Planet Zebes! That's like, her home planet! If we had been on Great Bay or like, Hyrule Temple, I totally would have won!

'''REDD:''' ''{happily}'' Whatever you say, Blue. Whatever you-

''{Blue Laser tosses his controller at Redd, hitting him in the face. Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So you see, Parkmeter? Those are just a few of my favorite methods for torturing the brother-types. And if all that fails, you could also resort to a little something I like to call-

''{Cut to a wide shot of the room. Redd is standing next to the desk.}''

'''REDD:''' Hey, Blue, have you seen my ballpoint pen?

'''BLUE LASER:''' First of all, just call it a pen. Second of all...

''{Blue Laser produces a bomb and begins aiming at Redd.}''

'''REDD:''' Carp.

''{Redd runs offscreen. Blue Laser tosses the bomb at him, and it explodes promptly. Cut back to the Blasty. A cloud of smoke can be seen floating by at the top of the screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' A little thing I like to call: Tossing random explosives for the heck of it. If your brother isn't afraid of that, nothing's going to get him off your nerves.

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on the word "little" to see a conversation between Blue Laser and his brother in the living room.
'''REDD:''' Wait, how come you kept calling me your little brother? If anything, I'm the older brother! I was born about five minutes before you! 
'''BLUE LASER:''' Technicalities, technicalities...

==Fun Facts==
*Blue Laser mentions [[Wikipedia:Rube Goldberg|Rube Goldberg]].
*Based on their comments, Blue Laser and Redd are most likely playing [[Wikipedia:Super Smash Bros. Melee|Super Smash Bros. Melee]].

Blue Lasermail/debt

2010-05-28T19:26:17Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail7Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser tries to dismiss his debt.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Lemmy|Lemmy]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], A Cop

'''Places:''' Computer Room, The Living Room, An Offshore Bank

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Mondar, March 15th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty 987!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' Lucky number seven, here I come! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Mr. Laser, 
We have found that you have been remiss in paying dues of 14 (Fourteen) dollars and 52 (Fifty-two) cents. 
If you continue to not pay your outstanding debt, you will be subjected to a "Smash-Your-Blasty-Style Collection Agency." 
Your friend, 
Hearts Boxcars </blockquote>

''{Blue Laser reads "(Fourteen)" as "AKA Fourteen" and "(Fifty-two)" in the same way.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Look, Boxman, I know what this is! One minute I'm sending you fourteen bucks, the next I'm in an offshore bank scam with a Mongolian dentist and the police are closing in! You can't fool me! I don't got a bit of debt on me! Do I? Guess it wouldn't hurt to check....

''{Blue Laser walks away. Cut to the living room. Blue Laser walks in holding a phone to his ear.}''

'''AUTOMATED PHONE SERVICE:''' To check your debt, press 5.

''{Blue Laser presses a button on the phone.}''

'''AUTOMATED PHONE SERVICE:''' Please hold.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Argh! I hate being on hold!

''{The phone begins playing the Cheat Commandos theme. Blue Laser screams.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{angry}'' It's like, they want to make me hate them!

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' This is the IRS, how can I help you?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Lemmy!? Since when do you work for the IRS?

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' Since I got this shifty phone degree off the black market!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Look, I just need to know if I'm in debt.

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' Gimme a second...

''{Crashing sounds are heard over the phone.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Everything okay over there?

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' Yeah, uh, sure. Says here that you're in debt fourteen bucks and fifty-two cents.

'''BLUE LASER:''' What!? Are you serious?

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' Serious as a leprechaun on Patty's Day.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ahhh! That Boxman was right! What do I do!?

'''LEMMY:''' ''{over the phone}'' I'd pay up if I were you!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Never! You can't get my money! Bwahaha!

''{Blue Laser hangs up the phone and tosses it offscreen. He then walks to the couch and takes a seat.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Haha! Blue Laser strikes again! Time for some TV.

''{Blue Laser grabs the remote and turns on the television.}''

'''TUCKSWORTH:''' ''{on TV}'' You can't avoid debt, Caleb!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Well, what a coincidence. I'll watch something else. ''{changes the channel}''

'''DARTMOUTH:''' ''{on TV}'' I'll get that debt-dodger!

'''VILLAIN:''' ''{on TV}'' Ow! Pointy!

'''BLUE LASER:''' AUGH! Maybe I'll just read instead!

''{Blue Laser turns off the TV and grabs a magazine from the couch cushions.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ooh, ''Villainous Villains Monthly!'' ''{opens the magazine}'' Let's see... "Notorious villain arrested for avoiding de-"

''{Blue Laser screams and tosses the magazine offscreen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay, Blue, don't get all panicky. It's just fourteen dollars, that's it. Nothing major...

''{Gunhaver suddenly appears floating in the upper right corner.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Gunhaver!? What are you doing here?

'''GUNHAVER:''' I'm your conscience!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Eww, anyway I can trade it in for one of equal or lesser value?

'''GUNHAVER:''' Naw, I already tried.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Look, is this some kind of dumb dream?

'''GUNHAVER:''' Yeah, probably.

''{A fadey border appears around the screen.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Anyway, I'm here to tell you to pay off that debt!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Never! I'm a villain! I'm supposed to be in some type of debt!

'''GUNHAVER:''' Uhh, well, ''{scratches head}'' what if I told you I could haunt your dreams forever?

''{The screen suddenly pops back to reality as Blue Laser screams. In reality he is sleeping on the couch. He suddenly wakes up.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh man! I have got to pay that debt! I don't care about my villainous reputation! I'm paying!

''{Blue Laser jumps off the couch and walks offscreen. Suddenly cut to an empty bank. Blue Laser is standing there along with Lemmy. Police sirens can be heard in the background.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' I should have known this would happen.

'''COP:''' ''{offscreen, over loudspeaker}'' Come out with your hands in the air! We're closing in!

'''BLUE LASER:'''' Since when are you even a Mongolian dentist, Lemmy?

'''LEMMY:''' Since I got this shifty dentistry degree off the black market! ''{holds up a degree}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' This is gonna be a long day...

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on Lemmy's degree to see Gunhaver on the phone with the phone service.
''{Gunhaver is in the Cheat Commandos HQ, holding the phone.}'' 
'''AUTOMATED PHONE SERVICE:''' Press 1 for Customer Service. Press 2 for Consumer Service. Press 3 for exchanges. Press 4 for hold. 
'''GUNHAVER:''' Ooh! I'll take that one. 
''{Gunhaver presses a button. The Cheat Commandos theme plays over the phone. Gunhaver hums along with it.}''

==Fun Facts==
*Dartmouth first appeared in the sbemail [[HRwiki:underlings|underlings]].

Blue Lasermail/candy

2010-05-28T19:25:04Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail5Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser tries to sell candy bars for a not-so-worthy cause.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Reynold|Reynold]], [[HRwiki:Flashfight|Flashfight]], [[HRwiki:Oliver Smidgen|Oliver Smidgen]] (easter egg)

'''Places:''' Computer Room, The Street

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Wednesday, February 24, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty Fun-draising!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' Email: Crushing fighting forces since the double aught-ten. Or just the aught-ten. I don't keep track. ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">
Dear Blue Laser, 
What is your favorite type of candy? Have you considered making your own
brand and using the economic edge to crush the Cheat Commandos? 
-Problem Sleuth</blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' I like the way you think, Mr. Sleuth! Nothing is better at crushing the Cheat Commandos then a little economics! But first we'll need a name. How about.... Laser Tracks!

''{A Laser Tracks logo appears on the screen for a moment before disappearing.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' It's just wildlife enough for the charity organizations, but just catchy enough to market! I'm a genius! It'll be made with the finest of ingredients left over in the fridge!

''{Cut to an open fridge. In it is a jar of cheese dip, a bag of Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, and a bowl of gravy.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Lessee here, we got marshmallows. We got gravy... Oh! And an old can of Cheez Wiz! That makes good candy, right?

''{Cut to a street corner. Blue Laser has set up a stand reading "Getcha Laser Tracks here!" on the side on the road. Several boxes can be seen stacked behind the stand.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shouting}'' Laser Tracks, get your Laser Tracks here! Just three bucks a bar!

''{Redd walks up to the stand.}''

'''REDD:''' Should I ask what you're doing here?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{annoyed}'' Selling Laser Tracks. Duh.

'''REDD:''' And what, pray tell, are Laser Tracks?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Only the finest of candy bars made from the finest ingredients.

'''REDD:''' Those ingredients being...

'''BLUE LASER:''' Your standard candy bar stuff. Marshmallows, gravy, ''{quietly}'' Cheez Wiz.

'''REDD:''' Please tell me that you're joking.

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm not! So if you're not buying anything then get out of my face!

'''REDD:''' Fine. Good luck with your ''{chuckles}'' business.

''{Redd walks off.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hmph. I guess I'll just hang out here and wait for some customers. Ooh, I know! I'll listen to the latest League of Every Evil Tyrant podcast!

''{Blue Laser grabs a radio from behind the stand and sets it atop the stand.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' What did we do before portable music players?

''{Blue Laser fiddles with the dials and buttons of the radio.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' If I can just get this thing to play my podcast...

''{Reynold walks up.}''

'''REYNOLD:''' Excuse me, sir. How much for one of your candy bars?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{annoyed}'' Can't you see I'm busy with something!?

'''REYNOLD:''' Are they low fat?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{annoyed}'' What!? No! Crap no!

'''REYNOLD:''' Oh, so they must be part of that new portioning diet then?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{annoyed}'' No! Look, just go away!

'''REYNOLD:''' Can I see the calor-

''{Blue Laser stops fiddling with the radio.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{interrupting angrily}'' NO! Just get out of my face now!

''{Reynold runs away.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Idiots! And this stupid radio is broken! And I still haven't sold a single candy bar! What do these things even taste like?

''{Blue Laser grabs a candy bar from behind the stand and unwraps it. He takes a bite, chews for a moment, and suddenly spits it out.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Yuck! Those are horrible! Why would anyone what to buy these?

''{Cut to a close up of the boxes of candy bars, all unopened.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh yeah.

''{Cut back to a full view of the stand.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' I've gotta think of some way to sell these!

''{Flashfight walks up.}''

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?

'''BLUE LASER:''' What does it look like? I'm selling candy!

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' And who gave you permission to set up shop directly in front of BEEFF headquarters?

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm not-

''{Zoom out to show that the building behind Blue Laser's stand is the BEEFF HQ.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh, I guess I am.

''{Cut back to the stand.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' But I'm selling these bars for a worthy cause!

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' Yes and what is this cause?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Every bar I sell goes to the destruction of the Cheat Commandos!

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' You have got to be kidding me.

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm not, I really-

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' ''{shouting}'' Get out of here immediately!

''{Blue Laser runs off. Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, Flashfight came and shut down my booth. Didn't even give me a chance to sell one bar! Guess the public just isn't ready for the taste of Laser Tracks. Oh, and in response to your first question, "What is your favorite type of candy?", the answer is anything but Laser Tracks. They are nasty!

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*Click on "public" at the end to see another scene at the Laser Tracks stand.
''{Oliver Smidgen is at the stand.}'' 
'''OLIVER SMIDGEN:''' Please sir, just one bar for a poor boy. 
'''BLUE LASER:''' No! Go beg for bread or something! 
'''OLIVER SMIDGEN:''' Well, do you have any bread? 
'''BLUE LASER:''' Sure. It's uh... fifteen blocks down in the manhole. 
'''OLIVER SMIDGEN:''' Thank you so much, sir! 
''{Oliver runs off.}''

Blue Lasermail/uniforms

2010-05-28T19:24:33Z

The Wheelchair:

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail4Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser talks formal. Uni-formal.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minon]], [[HRwiki:New Bad Guy Girl Character|New Bad Guy Girl Character]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Babies|Blue Laser Babies]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]], [[HRwiki:The Topplegangers|Dryghost]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, [[HRwiki:Cheat Commandos' HQ|Cheat Commandos' HQ]] (exterior), Meeting Room, [[HRwiki:The Desert|The Desert]] (easter egg)

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Friday, February 19, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty Time!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' It's the email of the century-y-y-y-y! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Blue Laser, 
How did you decide on your distinctive, iconic uniforms? 
Were there any failed prototypes? 
- Chwoka</blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Failed prototypes? You don't know the half of it, Chwokker. The road to our iconic uniforms is one of many twists and turns. It's a little known fact that we got started wearing the most basic uniforms of all. You guessed it, T-shirts.

''{A blue T-shirt with the Blue Laser logo appears on the screen for a moment before disappearing.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' These worked fine for a while, but soon summer passed and we faced some... unforeseen circumstances.

''{Cut to the outside of the Cheat Commandos' HQ. The ground is covered in snow and Blue Laser and three minions are standing there in Blue Laser T-shirts, shivering.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shakily}'' Okay, I'll admit this was just poor planning.

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' With the fate of our organization uncertain, we gathered our brightest minds to discuss ideas for a new uniform.

''{Cut to a meeting room. Blue Laser is sitting at a table, still in a T-shirt.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, men! We need a new, sensible uniform! Hit me with your ideas!

''{Cut to the New Bad Guy Girl Character, also wearing a T-shirt, at the table}''

'''NEW BAD GUY GIRL:''' So I was thinking we could wear these sporty, custom sweaters, ''{holds up a purple sweater}'' complete with a cute pair of blue jeans. ''{holds up a pair of jeans}'' The jeans would of course have our logo-

''{Cut to a close up of the jean pockets, one of which has the Blue Laser logo sewn onto it.}''

'''NEW BAD GUY GIRL:''' -subtly sewn onto the pockets, to ensure no one ever notices it.

''{Cut back to Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh yeah, and we could also change our name to Preppy Teenage Laser and form a pop band! NEXT!

''{Cut to a Blue Laser Babies at the table. A diaper in sitting on the table in front of them.}''

'''BLUE LASER BABY 1:''' Goo-ga.

'''BLUE LASER BABY 2:''' Goo-eh.

''{Cut back to Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Okay then. NEXT!

''{Cut to Redd at the table}''

'''REDD:''' Alright, so here's what I got.

''{Cut to Blue Laser on a white background. New things are added to Blue Laser as Redd names them.}''

'''REDD:''' ''{voiceover}'' We start with an atmospheric suit to protect from are harsh conditions or changes in atmosphere. However, this won't protect from enemy attacks much, so we upgrade it with a bullet-proof shield. Since this interferes with movement, we add wheels to the bottom, and if necessary, rocket-

''{Cut back to Blue Laser.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{shouting angrily}'' What does this look like to you, the robotics expo!? We're deciding on uniforms, not how to one-up the boy in the bubble!

'''REDD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Well, I liked it.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Since no one here knows anything about uniforms or fashion, I'll just have to go to someone that does!

''{Cut to the Topplegangers' Hideout. Blue Laser and Dryghost are there.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Wait, did I really just suggest that someone in a pink shirt and pointy helmet knows a crap-take about fashion?

'''DRYGHOST:''' Alright, so I did some super villain research and I think I got just the thing for you.

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm listening, I'm listening!

''{Dryghost pulls out a hanger with the modern Blue Laser uniform on it.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' What's this bull honky?

'''DRYGHOST:''' Spandex. It's three parts Marvel, two parts DC, and all parts villainous!

'''BLUE LASER:''' So how much is this spend axe gonna cost me?

'''DRYGHOST:''' I'd say about eighteen months of weekly payments.

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'll take it! Wait, how much are the payments?

'''DRYGHOST:''' Oh, too late! You already said you'll take it!

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So there you go, Chocker. The complete history of the Blue Laser uniform. And I'm still making those payments! Just nine more months and I'll have paid off the first uniform! ''{hesitantly}'' Err.. I do accept donations. Just saying.

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*Click on "uniform" at the end to see a scene in the desert.
''{Two Blue Laser Minions are in the desert, wearing New Bad Guy Girl Character's uniform idea.}'' 
'''BLUE LASER MINION 1:''' To be quite honest I always wanted to be in a pop band.

==Fun Facts==
*Dryghost mentions [[Wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]] and [[Wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]], two well-known comic book/graphic novel publishers.
*Blue Laser's intro line is a reference to a line in [[Wikipedia:Tales of Monkey Island|Tales of Monkey Island]].
*Blue Laser states that they aren't trying to one-up [[Wikipedia:The Boy in the Plastic Bubble|the boy in the bubble]].

Blue Lasermail/flying machine

2010-05-28T19:24:07Z

The Wheelchair: Image!

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLEmail3Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser does his best Kool-Aid Man impression. Yeah, you read that right.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Minion|Blue Laser Minon]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Flashfight|Flashfight]], [[Blue Lasermail#Lemmy|Lemmy]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, [[HRwiki:Blue Laser Commander's Nana's Backyard|Nana's Backyard]], The Sky, BEEFF Headquarters

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Thursday, February 11, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty Time!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' Email! Email! E-e-e-e-e-e-e-email! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Laser, 
Being the evil genius type, do you 
build any kind of flying machines? 
How do you feel about flying? 
Yours, 
Zarel</blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{nervously}'' Of course I have a flying machine. I love flying! What kind of useless villain doesn't have a flying machine? A useless one, that's what kind. Uh.. I have to go! ''{runs offscreen}''

''{Cut to Nana's Backyard. This is a large curtain set up, and construction noises can be heard from behind it. Blue Laser enters.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' So how's it going back there, guys?

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' ''{from behind curtain}'' We're almost finished!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Fantastic!

''{Pan right to show Redd standing there.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Redd! I see you're completing your portion of the project nicely!

'''REDD:''' You assigned me to stand around and do nothing.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Of course! I can't have you messing up my flying machine with your dumb physics!

'''REDD:''' ''{annoyed}'' I hope you realize I'm the only one here with even a lick of knowledge about air travel.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Fine! You're head of ground communications. ''{tosses Redd a headset}'' But don't you dare mess this up!

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' ''{leaning in from offscreen}'' She's ready, sir!

''{The curtain is pushed aside to reveal a small and poorly constructed plane. It has an "Air Laser" logo and... headlights?!}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' She's... beautiful! ''{jumps into cockpit}'' Alright minions, hit me with the launch precautions!

''{The Blue Laser Minion pulls out a paper.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' ''{reading}'' "Air Laser Pre-Launch Pre-Flight Pre-Cautions." Firstly, the Air Laser runs at a steady two miles per hour. Any attempt to make it go faster will result in spontaneous combustion. Secondly, The red button-

''{Cut to show a large red button on the Air Laser's control panel.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' -is for emergencies only. It does not double as an arm rest.

''{Cut back to the Blue Laser Minion.}''

'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' Thirdly and finally, there is a stock of parachutes under the seat cushion, these are to be used for war tactics, evacuating, or getting the crap out of dodge. They are not-

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{interrupting}'' Enough already! Time for launch!

''{Blue Laser pulls on a lever and the Air Laser blasts into the air.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm flying! That Zarel kid was right, this is awesome! ''{grabs a walkie-talkie}'' Ground control, do you read?

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' Codename Shirley, this is ground control, I read!

'''BLUE LASER:''' I never agreed to that codename!

'''REDD:''' But the New Girl said you-

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{interrupting}'' Shut up! So okay, according to this I'm flying at an altitude of... Why is our altitude meter a magic eight ball?

''{Cut to show the "altitude meter", a Magic 8 Ball reading "Yes you can!"}''

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' It was all your minions could find on short notice.

''{Cut back to the full view of the plane.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. Anyway, I have a building in my sights. No way!

''{Cut to show a skyscraper with a sign on it reading "BEEFF HQ".}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' It's the Borough of Every Elite Fighting Force's headquarters! Para-trooping time!

''{Blue Laser lowers altitude to aim the plane directly at the building.}''

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' Uh, why are you getting ready to fly into the side of the building?

'''BLUE LASER:''' What are you, deaf? I just said I'm para-trooping!

''{Cut back to the backyard, where Redd is watching the scene on Blue Laser's supercomputer.}''

'''REDD:''' I'll ask again. Why are you getting ready to fly into the side of that building?

''{Cut back to the plane.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Look, are you trying to tell me that para-trooping isn't flying into the enemy base in an attempt to cause as much structural damage as possible?

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' No, it actually involves having paratroopers.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. Crap.

''{The Air Laser crashes into the building. Cut to inside where the vehicle is protruding into what appears to be a janitor's closet. Flashfight walks up.}''

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' What the blazes happened here?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{dazed}'' Alright, how much structural damage did I cause?

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' Very little, luckily. Seems all you succeeded in doing was destroying the janitor's closet. Now follow me so we can get this arrest over quickly.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Bull honkey! I'm not surrendering! Time to fire the missiles!

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' Yeah.. we didn't really install any missiles.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh. Well then, time to turn on the brights.

''{Blue Laser presses a button and the Air Laser's headlights come on.}''

'''FLASHFIGHT:''' ''{covering his eyes}'' My eyes! ''{runs away}''

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' Alright, now get out of there before Flashfight realizes he's wearing sunglasses!

''{Blue Laser presses a few buttons, but the Air Laser only shakes a bit.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' It's not starting!

'''REDD:''' ''{over walkie-talkie}'' Hmm.. must have been damaged in the crash. Does the emergency button still work?

''{Blue Laser presses the button, and the Air Laser blasts backwards at high speed, knocking Blue Laser out. Cut to outside the building's entrance, where Lemmy is leaving.}''

'''LEMMY:''' And if it gives you any more problems, just stick a Sega tape in the VCR slot or something. That oughta do the trick.

''{Lemmy continues walking. Blue Laser can be heard screaming in the background, and after a few moments falls on Lemmy. Blue Laser lies there for a moment before grabbing the walkie-talkie.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{weakly}'' Yup. Still works.

'''LEMMY:''' ''{weakly}'' Ohhhhhhhh... That's it. I'm doubling your cable bill.

''{Cut back to the Blasty.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' You see what you did, Zack? Now I'm stuck paying double for my cable! Oh well, it's worth it. You won't find a more reliable cable provider than Lemmy.

''{Cut to the living room, where Blue Laser and Redd are watching TV.}''

'''TUCKSWORTH:''' ''{on TV}'' Caleb, did you paint flames on my car?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh yeah. It's like I'm right there, right in the action.

''{Cut to the TV screen. The picture is in black and white and is hardly comprehensible.}''

'''CALEB:''' ''{on TV}'' I did now.

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*Click on the TV screen at the end to see Redd and a minion chatting in Nana's Backyard.
'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' So how'd you get to be head of ground communications? 
'''REDD:''' Well, you know. Hard work, determination... 
'''BLUE LASER MINION:''' You begged, didn't you? 
'''REDD:''' Yeah, pretty much.

==Fun Facts==
*Redd calling Blue Laser "Shirley" is a reference to the 1980 film [[Wikipedia:Airplane!|Airplane!]]

Blue Lasermail/favorites

2010-05-28T19:23:25Z

The Wheelchair: Image!

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail2Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser discusses some of his faves. Underwear drawers explode.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], Bartender (voice only), [[Blue Lasermail#Redd Laser|Redd]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]] (easter egg), [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]] (easter egg), [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]] (easter egg), [[HRwiki:Reynold|Reynold]] (easter egg)

'''Places:''' Computer Room, Bar, Movie Room, [[HRwiki:Cheat Commandos' HQ|Cheat Commandos' HQ]] (easter egg)

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Sunday, February 7, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty Time!!

== Transcript ==
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{singing}'' Walkin' the streets, I got an email! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Laser: 

What are your favorites? Like, favorite drink, favorite day of the week, favorite type of wood... go hog wild, why not? 

Yours, Skubby</blockquote>

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well you know, Skub-A-Dub, I do have a lot of favorites. So why not? Let's begin!

''{Cut to the words "Fave #1" on a black screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' First off we have my favorite drink. This category of course goes to Root Ones, the official beverage of villains everywhere. They combine all the coldness of a one, and all the dryness of a root. I still remember the first time I tasted one.

''{Cut to a bar. Blue Laser is sitting with several Root Ones bottles in front of him.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Hit me with another one, man!

''{Another bottle is slid across the bar to Blue Laser, who grabs it.)''

'''BARTENDER:''' ''{offscreen}'' I hope you can pay for all these, Laser.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Err, yes. I seem to have left my wallet outside in the tank. Allow me to go fetch it and-

''{Blue Laser quickly runs offscreen. After a few moments a vehicle can be heard taking off outside.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Man, I scammed like every bar in town that night! Guess that's why I'm banned from every bar in town.. Any-freakin'-way-

''{Cut to the words "Fave #2" on a black screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Next we have favorite day of the week. That would be Thursday, when I give my minions their weekly motivational lecture!

''{Cut to a light-yellow room. Blue Laser is standing in front of a screen, which is showing "Figure A", a picture of a silhouetted Cheat shooting a gun.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ya gotta believe in yourselves! When the Cheat Commandos shoot bullets at you, don't think-

''{The screen changes to show "Figure B", a Cheat skull.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' -"Oh crap, I'm gonna diiiiieeee!" Instead, think-

''{The screen changes again to show "Figure C", a Cheat blocking a bullet with his fist.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' -"Can I deflect this bullet with my fist? And if not, why?" ''{applause}''

''{Cut to the black screen again, this time reading "Fave #3"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Favorite wood? Easy, none. When I need to burn something, I take the quicker route. I use gasoline.

''{"Fave #3" suddenly changes to "Fave #4"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' Okay, number four. Favorite email I've ever answered. That goes to email number 1.5, continents.

''{Cut to the Blasty's screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' And that's how I finally succeeded in blowing up Mongolia. Thanks for your question, Miyamoto!

''{"Fave #5"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{voiceover}'' And last but certainly least, it's favorite relative! This of course goes to brother Redd. There is truly no better punching bag and/or test subject than Redd Simone Laser Jr..

'''REDD:''' ''{voiceover}'' Uh, Blue...

''{Cut back to the computer room. Redd Laser is standing next to the desk.}''

'''REDD:''' Do you happen to know why my underwear drawer just exploded? And why it was filled with gasoline?

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{closeup}'' Look, I may or may not have turned your underwear drawer into a scaled down model of the Cheat Commandos' Headquarters. ''{cut back to a full view of the room}'' But what really matters right now is that you get out of my face!

'''REDD:''' Whatever. Go back to checking emails on that ancient computer Lemmy scammed you into buying.

'''BLUE LASER:''' Keep it up and I'll turn your face into a model of a broken skull!

''{Redd sighs and walks away. Cut to the Blasty's screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' So what do you think, Skrubs? Those were surely enough favorites to satisfy you for at least a week! And if not, get a life, man! I'm not here to fulfill your every wish! Jeez!

''(The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{quietly}'' Mumblin', grumblin', greedy little waste of my time!

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on "get a life" to see a scene with the Cheat Commandos. 
''{Gunhaver, Silent Rip, Fightgar, and Reynold are standing around a sock drawer in the Cheat Commandos' Headquarters.}''
'''GUNHAVER:''' Alright, men! Pretend this sock drawer is Blue Laser Base! What are we gonna do? 
'''SILENT RIP:''' Kick it! 
'''FIGHTGAR:''' ''{simultaneously}'' Shoot it! 
'''REYNOLD:''' ''{simultaneously}'' Buy it lunch!

==Fun Facts==
*Blue Laser's opening song is a reference to [[HRwiki:Because, It's Midnite|Because, It's Midnite]].
*Miyamoto refers to [[Wikipedia:Shigeru Miyamoto|Shigeru Miyamoto]].

Blue Lasermail/trademarked

2010-05-28T19:22:56Z

The Wheelchair: Image!

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail1Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser gets a computer and trademarks crap.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue_Lasermail#Lemmy|Lemmy]], [[HRwiki:Crackotage|Crackotage]], [[HRwiki:Firebert|Firebert]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]], [[HRwiki:Ripberger|Ripberger]], [[HRwiki:Flashfight|Flashfight]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]], [[Hrwiki:The Topplegangers|The Topplegangers]] (easter egg)

'''Places:''' Computer Room, [[HRwiki:Cheat Commandos HQ|Cheat Commandos HQ]], [[HRwiki:Topplegangers' Hideout|Topplegangers' Hideout]] (easter egg)

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Blasty's Big Debut!

== Transcript ==
''{Blue Laser is standing next to the computer desk.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' How's it going, Lemmy?

'''LEMMY:''' ''{offscreen}'' It's just about ready to go, gimme one more second.

''{Sparks fly in from the right. After a few seconds Lemmy leans in. He is a mustachioed The Cheat with a blue baseball cap and shirt, both of which have a "Lemmy's Repair" logo on them.}''

'''LEMMY:''' Alright, she's all yours!

''{Zoom out to reveal a computer, the Blasty 987, sitting on the desk. Blue Laser gasps.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Fantastic! With this state of the art computer we'll finally have the edge we need to CRUSH THE CHEAT COMMANDOS! ''{pause}'' So, uh, what all does this thing do?

'''LEMMY:''' The ol' Blasty allows you to type, click, type and click at the same time, and check emails in 16 marvelous shades of color. And it comes with a 2-second money back guarantee!

'''BLUE LASER:''' It checks emails? Perfect! With input from my loyal fans, we'll finally have the edge we need to-

'''LEMMY:''' ''{interrupting}'' Look, I don't get paid by the hour, bub. If you need anything you know my number. It's ''{the following numbers appear at the bottom of the screen as he says them}'' 555-678-9870-77777-123-4567-8997-1. Enjoy! ''{Lemmy quickly leaves.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Alright, time for a little EMAIL!

''{Blue Laser jumps onto his stool. The Blasty 987 logo appears on the computer.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Oh yeah, this thing is state of the art! ''{types run blue_lasermail.exe}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">Dear Blue Lazor™ 
Do ever trademark random things so the Cheat Commandos™ cant use them™? 
Your's 
MMM™</blockquote>

''{Reads “Blue Lazor” as “Blue Laze... or?”, each of the trademark symbols as "trademarked", and "MMM" as "Rated triple M for triple mature".}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{not typed}'' Wow. This email is rated triple M. Must be like, violent or something. ''{typing}'' What villain doesn't do that, Em? I thought that was a villainous standard or something. Like just last week, I trademarked the Cheat Commandos' catchphrase, "Rock, rock on". You should have seen some of the catchphrases they used to replace it! Comedy freakin' gold!

''{Cut to the Cheat Commandos podium. The words "ROCK, ROCK ON!" have been replaced with "WALK, WALK ON!"}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Cheat Commandos, let's walk, walk on!

''{Static briefly appears. The podium now reads "MOCK, MOCK ON!"}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' ...mock, mock on!

''{More static. The podium now reads "STOCK, STOCK ON!"}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' ...stock, stock on!

''{Static again. The podium now reads "BOCK, BOCK ON!}"''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Uhh... does anyone here even know what a bock is?

''{cut back to the Blasty}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' However, they finally switched to an equally cool catchphrase, "Riggity Roll", and trademarked it before I could. Now I just randomly trademark their names so that they have to pay me every time they address one-another!

''{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ. Gunhaver is looking at the picture of himself and Silent Rip is in the foreground.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Silent Rip, grab me a box of them Soy Cri-

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{interrupting from offscreen}'' A-hem!

''{Pan right to show Blue Laser standing there. Next to him is a bucket that reads "pay up, sucker!"}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Aw, crap!

''{Cut back to the Blasty}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' What do you think, Emily? Pretty genius, am I right? So until next week, enjoy yo-

'''GUNHAVER:''' ''{interrupting}'' A-hem!

''{Zoom out to show Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, and Firebert standing next to the desk.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Ahhh! How did you get in here!

'''GUNHAVER:''' Nevermind that! You just said "Blue Laser" during a live broadcasting!

'''BLUE LASER:''' So? Is there a law against saying my own name now?

'''GUNHAVER:''' There is when your name is a registered trademark of Cheat Commandos Inc.! Pay up now or you'll be going straight to jail with no chance to pass go!

'''BLUE LASER:''' You can't use my own scheme against me!

'''GUNHAVER:''' Oh yes, we can! ''{turns to Silent Rip}'' Can't we?

'''SILENT RIP:''' I think so...

'''GUNHAVER:''' Good! ''{turns back to Blue Laser}'' Now, are you gonna pay up or not?

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm gonna have to go with not.

''{Blue Laser presses a button on his keyboard, causing the floor beneath the Cheat Commandos to collapse.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' ''{falling}'' Riggity rooooooooolll!

''{Cut back to the Blasty's screen}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Man, oh man was it worth it to have Lem install that bottomless pit button! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a gang of ragtag mercenaries to trademark!

''{Blue Laser walks away as the Laserjet Paper, a paper with blue stripes, comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
*Click "ragtag mercenaries" at the end to see a scene with the Topplegangers.
''{The Topplegangers are sitting around the table at their hideout.}'' 
'''SUBTLEFUGE:''' Alright, Togglegangers. All that's left is to- 
'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{interrupting from offscreen}'' A-hem! 
''{Pan left to reveal Blue Laser standing with his collection bin.}'' 
''{The Topplegangers stare for a few moments before drawing their guns and aiming them at a surprised Blue Laser.}''

==Fun Facts==
*"Triple M for Triple Mature" is a reference to the [[Wikipedia:ESRB|ESRB's]] rating system.
*A bock is a strong dark rich beer usually sold in the early spring.
*Gunhaver mentioning "no chance to pass go" is a reference to the popular board game [[Wikipedia:Monopoly_(game)|Monopoly]].
*"Riggity Roll" is a reference to [[HRwiki:An Important Rap Song|An Important Rap Song]].

Blue Lasermail/environment

2010-05-28T19:08:30Z

The Wheelchair: "And Nana said I'd never amount to anything. Ha!"

<center>http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y220/lombre459/Profiles/BLemail/BLemail14Image.png</center> 
Blue Laser is about a month late.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' [[Hrwiki:Blue Laser Commander|Blue Laser]], [[Blue Lasermail#Redd|Redd]], [[Blue Lasermail#Lemmy|Lemmy]], [[HRwiki:Marshie|Marshie]], [[HRwiki:Silent Rip|Silent Rip]], [[HRwiki:Fightgar|Fightgar]], [[HRwiki:Reinforcements|Reinforcements]], [[HRwiki:Crackotage|Crackotage]], [[HRwiki:Gunhaver|Gunhaver]]

'''Places:''' Computer Room, Redd's Room, The Street, [[HRwiki:Cheat Commandos' HQ|Cheat Commandos' HQ]], The Living Room

'''Computer:''' Blasty 987

'''Date:''' Friday, May 28th, 2010

'''Page Title:''' Closed Captioning Brought to You by Blasty 987!

==Transcript==
'''BLUE LASER:''' You'll never guess that I saw on the news today... EMAIL! ''{brings up an email}''

<blockquote class="bluelaser">
Dear Blue Laser, 
What do you do on Earf Day? I mean, it's fun shooting stuff and running around with tanks and all, but do you ever have to deal with "public relations" crap and have to "go green" and stuff? 
Your friend, 
John Egbert </blockquote>

''{Blue Laser reads "Earf" as it in spelled, and reads "public relations" and "go green" in a mocking voice.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Oh yeah, Joey, I'm all about that Earth stuff. Public relations? I got the best public relations team in the country! ''{a photo of the Blue Laser Babies appears for a moment}'' And did you know that eco-terrorism is my third favorite type of terrorism? And of course, every year I go on one of my signature "Annoy the Heck Outa People" Earth Day Rallies!

''{Cut to Redd's Room. Redd is attempting to even out a poster on the wall. Blue Laser enters carrying a sign reading "Go green before I make you!"}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{chanting}'' Save the trees! Save the trees!

'''REDD:''' ''{turning to Blue Laser}'' May I ask what triggered this?

'''BLUE LASER:''' It's Earth Day, man!

'''REDD:''' Aren't you about a month la-

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{chanting}'' Save a tree! Save a tree!

'''REDD:''' Y'know what, I'm not even gonna bother with this.

''{Redd begins walking away, but turns back to Blue.}''

'''REDD:''' Wait.. what's that sign made of?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Wood. That forest 'round back fell ''easy''.

''{Redd sighs and walks away. Blue Laser follows him.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' You can't hide from the environment! It's everywhere!

''{Cut to the street. Lemmy is walking along the sidewalk. Blue Laser walks up with his sign.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{chanting}'' Save the trees! Save a tree!

'''LEMMY:''' Whatcha doing there, Laser?

'''BLUE LASER:''' I'm just protesting poor treatment of the environment and all that crap. Going green is really more enjoyable than I thought!

'''LEMMY:''' How so?

'''BLUE LASER:''' Let me show you.

''{Pan left. Oliver Smidgen is on the side of the road, holding a coffee mug.}''

'''OLIVER SMIDGEN:''' Spare a single dollar for a poor orphan, please?

''{Blue Laser hits Oliver with his sign.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Tree-killer!

''{Pan back to the right.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turning back to Lemmy}'' And earlier today, I talked the BEEFF managers into giving me their weapons blueprints for "environmental testing!" This is great!

'''LEMMY:''' Sounds like you found yer calling!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Sure did! This is way better than my old job!

''{Cut to the Cheat Commandos HQ. Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reinforcements, and Crackotage and watching a Fluffy-Puff Marshmallows commercial on The Screen.}''

'''MARSHIE:''' ''{on TV}'' Made from the best stuff!

''{Gunhaver walks in.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' I didn't miss any pony-fightin' action, did I, boys?

'''SILENT RIP:''' Nope, you're just in time!

''{Cut to a close-up of The Screen. A picture of Blue Laser appears on it. Next to him are the words "Closed Captioning brought to you by:"}''

'''TV ANNOUNCER:''' Closed captioning for Pony Fights: The Series brought to you by Blue Laser's Eco-Campaign for Eco-Environmentalism. "Go green before I make you!"

''{Cut back to the Cheat Commandos.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' What the crap!? Blue Laser's taken over the television! You know what this means, don't you?

'''SILENT RIP:''' We're not going to see the end of Pony Fights?

'''GUNHAVER:''' You bet we're not going to see the end of Pony Fights! Time to go take down Blue Laser!

''{Cut to Blue Laser's living room. Blue Laser is sitting on the couch and talking on the phone.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Look, I don't care how much the orphanage is going to get, I just wanna know ''my'' share of the profits.

''{Gunhaver, Fightgar, and Silent Rip walk in.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{turning to the Cheat Commandos}'' Ahh! What are you doing here!?

'''GUNHAVER:''' We're here to stop your campaign of evil!

'''BLUE LASER:''' What are you talking about? I've been doing good things! Things like environmentally testing nuclear weapons-

''{Cut to a pile of missiles in the corner of the room.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{offscreen}'' -by firing them at the homes of BEEFF executives!

''{Cut back to Blue Laser.}''

'''GUNHAVER:''' Cut the act!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Can't you guys ever look at the good side of things!? I steal some weapons for environmental testing and all you guys think of is the stealing part!

'''GUNHAVER:''' I thought you got those weapons with permission!

'''BLUE LASER:''' Uh, yeah, that's what I-

'''GUNHAVER:''' Shoot him!

''{The Cheat Commandos begin firing their guns.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' Not near the nuclear weapons!

''{Cut to a silhouette of the house. The house shakes, then explodes. Cut to the computer room. The lights are off. Blue Laser walks in, covered in ash, and takes a seat at the computer. Cut to the Blasty's screen. Blue Laser types, but nothing appears on the screen.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{typing}'' Well, the explosion took out my living room and the electricity in the entire house, but it was worth it. ''{cheerfully}'' I always wanted to have closed captioning brought to you by me!

''{The Laserjet Paper comes down.}''

'''BLUE LASER:''' ''{a few seconds later}'' And Nana said I'd never amount to anything. Ha!

==Easter Eggs==
*At the end, click on the Blasty's screen to see an additional scene.
'''LEMMY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Well, I've checked the damage.. 
''{Cut to a full view of the computer room. Blue Laser turns to Lemmy.}'' 
'''BLUE LASER:''' How much is it going to cost me? 
'''LEMMY:''' I'm not gonna lie to you, Blue. It's an arm and a leg. And that's just the price for my diagnosis!

==Fun Facts==

User:The Wheelchair

2010-05-25T13:07:22Z

The Wheelchair: Created page with 'I'm the Wheelchair. I'm pretty much here to use this place as a host for my Blue Lasermails after the spontaneous combustion of the HRFwiki. I'll probably add more to this later...'

I'm the Wheelchair. I'm pretty much here to use this place as a host for my Blue Lasermails after the spontaneous combustion of the HRFwiki.

I'll probably add more to this later.