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User:Shwoo/TV Show/The Wrong Passage

2009-02-28T11:01:30Z

Shwoo: This kind of sucks, but what else is the WUW for? And it's not long enough for 22 minutes or short enough for 11 minutes. Shh.

''{The characters’ house, which is a typical suburban home. They’re all at breakfast, except for Tabitha.}''

'''ANGELA:''' As you all know, it’s Lenny and Clarissa’s birthday next week, and—

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Handing Angela a long list}'' These are the presents I absolutely must receive or I’ll be the laughing stock of all my friends. ''{Distracted}'' Especially Ginny. I hate her so much. ''{She regains her focus and hands Angela another list. Angela lifts it up and it unfurls to cover most of the table}'' And here’s everything else I want. ''{Handing Angela a piece of paper}'' And here’s what you can get for Lenny.

''{Angela looks at it. It reads “A PAIR OF SOCKS (CLEAN ONES)” in Clarissa’s neat cursive}''

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Rolling up the long list}'' Clarissa….

'''CLARISSA:''' I’ve also taken the liberty of scheduling a hairdresser’s appointment to get my hair coloured wine red. It’s the in look this season.

''{She pats her hair. Angela sighs}''

'''ANGELA:''' Clarissa, you know I can’t afford that.

'''LENNY:''' ''{Rolling his eyes}'' Probably because she used your credit card to buy some dress last week. I think it was expensive, too.

'''CLARISSA:''' For your information, it was several expensive dresses.

'''ANGELA:''' ''{resigned}'' How did you get my number?

'''CLARISSA:''' I bribed David with a book, of course. ''{They look at David. He’s reading a book entitled “Fauna of Antarctica: The midge and beyond”, using telekinesis to hold it up}'' Weirdo.

'''REGGIE:''' Well, time to disown her. ''{He somehow pulls a sheaf of paper out of his pocket}'' I got the papers all ready to go.

'''ANGELA:''' I can’t do that, Reggie.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{irritated}'' Why not?!

'''ANGELA:''' Well, for one thing it’s against the lore.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Shaking head}'' One more reason to hate the lore. ''{Clarissa shoots a fireball at him under the table}'' Ow!

'''ANGELA:''' Reggie, stop baiting your sister. Clarissa, stop assaulting your brother.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{reluctantly}'' Yes, mom.

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Simultaneously}'' Yes, mother.

''{David looks up}''

'''DAVID:''' I don’t understand the attraction of celebrating the date of one’s birth.

'''ANGELA:''' There are a lot of reasons, but the thirteenth birthday is… special. It marks your coming of age, your entry into adulthood.

'''REGGIE:''' What, are we Jewish now?

'''DAVID:''' Actually, our religion sprang from the same roots as Judaism, Christianity and Islam, though it split off far earlier than the latter two.

''{He goes back to his book}''

'''ANGELA:''' Yes, thank you David. You must undergo a rite of passage on your birthday before you can be considered an adult in the eyes of the lore.

''{Lenny looks up from his breakfast, worried}''

'''LENNY:''' A what?

'''REGGIE:''' You know, a Bar Mitzvah.

'''DAVID:''' ''{Irritated}'' Not Jewish.

'''ANGELA:''' All we do is test your powers. It happens to everyone of our lineage. In fact, Reggie had it happen on his thirteenth birthday.

'''REGGIE:''' I did?

'''ANGELA:''' You wouldn’t remember, but you did very well.

'''LENNY:''' ''{worried}'' You can do badly?

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{singsong}'' You’re gonna fa-il!

'''ANGELA:''' You’ll do fine, Lenny. Don’t worry about it.

'''LENNY:''' ''{Is not reassured. He puts his head in his hands, then lifts it back up}'' What’s taking Tabitha so long?

'''CLARISSA:''' Oh, she got kidnapped by quasi-demonic entities at like two in the morning. ''{The others stare at her}'' It took me an whole hour to get back to sleep, and I think I… ''{She notices their stares}'' Ugh, do I have to tell everyone everything around here?

''{Lenny bangs his head on the table repeatedly}''

''{Lenny eats lunch at school with his girlfriend, Nathalie}''

'''LENNY:''' And in conclusion, my life stinks. Tabby’s missing, I have to do this stupid rite thing…

'''NATHALIE:''' Aw, I know you’ll do great!

'''LENNY:''' Why does everyone keep saying that?

'''NATHALIE:''' ‘Cause it’s true! ''{Lenny puts his head in his hands again}'' What’s the worst they could do?

'''LENNY:''' ''{Muffled}'' Rip off all my limbs and stuff them down my throat?

'''NATHALIE:''' Maybe they’ll make you do an obstacle course! ''{Lenny nods with his head still in his hands}'' Or maybe you’ll turn into animals!

'''LENNY:''' ''{Looking up}'' Huh?

'''NATHALIE:''' Or maybe your spirits will be ripped from your bodies!

'''LENNY:''' ''{Worried}'' Is this some sort of alien thing?

'''NATHALIE:''' And then I’ll have to nurse you back to health!

'''LENNY:''' ''{Upset}'' Thanks, but I’d rather not—

'''NATHALIE:''' ''{Dreamily, as Lenny starts to bang his head against the table again}'' We can take a holiday to Eris, and I can show you the sights, and the Eris…ians can sign your casts, and… ''{Lenny slides out his of seat and onto the floor}'' Lenny?

''{Tabitha is standing in a cage with laser bars in a cave. There are a couple of small demons outside the cage. She doesn’t look at all worried or frightened.}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' And then we’re gonna suck your magic out! What do you think about that?

'''TABITHA:''' I think I’m hungry.

'''BOSS DEMON:''' Go get her something to eat! We can’t have her starving before the full moon!

'''TABITHA:''' ''{Sitting down}'' I like bacon and eggs.

''{Lackey Demon starts to walk away}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Okay, whatever.

'''TABITHA:''' And thick shakes. Oh, and those hot dogs with ketchup and mustard and cheese and—

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' ''{Offscreen}'' I get it!

'''BOSS DEMON:''' ''{To Tabitha}'' What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you terrified?

'''TABITHA:''' My brothers and sisters will save me from you mean demons! They can do anything.

'''BOSS DEMON:''' They’d have to find you first.

'''TABITHA:''' They’ll find me.

''{Later, in the characters’ living room. Lenny is lying on the couch in the fetal position, David is sitting next to him with his eyes closed, and Nathalie is talking to Angela}''

'''NATHALIE:''' He’s been like this since lunch! I have no idea why.

''{Lenny twitches}''

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Worried}'' What was he doing? Wrestling a Mare? ''{She pokes Lenny}'' Lenny? Can you hear me? ''{Lenny moans}'' What’s troubling you?

'''LENNY:''' ''{Muffled}'' Go away!

''{He vanishes}''

'''ANGELA:''' Where—

'''DAVID:''' ''{Without opening his eyes}'' [Linen closet.]

''{Angela opens the linen closet and looks inside. Lenny is curled up on the top shelf. Nathalie stands behind Angela}''

'''ANGELA:''' Lenny, this is silly. You need to talk about it.

'''LENNY:''' Nu-uh!

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Coming up behind them}'' Just leave him. He’s probably just stressed about the Not-Bar-Mitzvah thing.

'''NATHALIE:''' But I told him he’d do really well! I even told him I’d nurse him back to health afterwards!

''{Lenny whimpers from inside the cupboard}''

'''ANGELA:''' Is that what this is about? ''{Lenny whimpers again}'' Lenny, there is nothing to be afraid of. There’s no pain involved.

'''REGGIE:''' Except for the part where they remove your BRAIN!

'''NATHALIE:''' ''{fascinated}'' Ooh…

'''ANGELA:''' Don’t listen to him. He doesn’t even remember.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Grabbing his head}'' The memories! The horrible repressed memories! Oh, the pain of it all!

''{He falls down and groans}''

'''NATHALIE:''' ''{firmly}'' Lenny, you need to stop moping and come out of the closet!

''{Reggie stops groaning and laughs uncontrollably. Angela looks at him disapprovingly}''

''{Tabitha is eating a hamburger. She puts it down half eaten}''

'''TABITHA:''' I’m bored.

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' ''{To Boss Demon}'' Why did we have to kidnap her now? Why didn’t we just wait until full moon?

'''BOSS DEMON:''' Idiot! Do you know how long it takes to get approval from the IDU to abscond with superpowered eight year olds? I’ve been waiting months for this!

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' So why can’t you wait a few more days?

''{Boss Demon opens his mouth to speak, closes it again, then knocks Lackey Demon down with a blow to the head}''

'''TABITHA:''' ''{more insistantly}'' I’m bored!

'''BOSS DEMON:''' You go entertain her.

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' ''{Sitting up}'' With what?

'''BOSS DEMON:''' A puppet show or something, how should I know? ''{Muttering}'' I don’t know why I hire from a temp agency.

''{The demon gives Tabitha a Bible Stories puppet show. Currently visible is a Cain puppet and an Abel puppet. Cain holds a stick, Abel holds a crook, and they both speak in Lackey Demon’s falsetto}''

Cain Puppet: I’m Cain, a farmer!

Abel Puppet: And I’m Abel, a shepard!

Cain Puppet: God likes your dead animals more than my dead plants! Die!

''{He beats the Abel puppet with his stick}''

Abel Puppet: Ow! Ow! Ow!

''{He falls down, and a God Puppet with a large flowing beard comes up}''

God Puppet: ''{Deep voice}'' Where didst Abel go…est?

Cain Puppet: Am I my brother’s keeper?

God Puppet: Yes, thou art that.

Cain Puppet: Oh. Abel had to go… over there… ''{Points to his left}''

God Puppet: ''{Growing huge}'' Thy hath slain thee brotherest! I banisheth thou to the land of Nod!

Cain Puppet: ''{Sadly}'' Yes, sir.

''{Lackey Demon comes up from behind the puppet thing. He has made the puppets by morphing his hands}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' And they all lived happily ever after. Except Abel. Because he was dead.

''{He looks at Tabitha. Tabitha starts to cry. He sags}''

'''TABITHA:''' That story was too sa-ad!

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Uh…

''{He ducks again, and holds up the Abel puppet}''

Abel Puppet: Wait! I’m alive!

God Puppet: ''{Coming up}'' Abel ist aliveth? All is forgivenest!

''{God goes back down}''

Cain Puppet: Yay!

Abel Puppet: Yay!

''{The demon looks up again. Tabitha laughs. The demon looks relieved}''

''{Clarissa stands outside the linen closet. Reggie is overacting on the floor again}''

'''REGGIE:''' My back! ''{groans}'' My neck! My… um… umbilicus!

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{To Lenny}'' Would you just come out of the closet? ''{Reggie starts laughing again}'' Shut up Reginald, it’s not that funny.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{laughing}'' Yes it is!

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{To Lenny}'' It’s been four days! Do you know what I’ve had to go through to get clean linen?

'''REGGIE:''' Why didn’t you just ask him for your junk?

'''CLARISSA:''' I said clean linen! ''{Lenny throws a towel at her}'' Ew! ''{Fires her hands, burning up the towel in the process}'' When you come out of there, I’m—

'''DAVID:''' ''{Offscreen}'' [I found her.]

''{David, Clarissa and Reggie meet in the living room}''

'''DAVID:''' Where is Lenny?

'''REGGIE:''' Wussy-baby didn’t want to come out. ''{Laughing}'' Of the closet…

''{Clarissa fireballs him in the chest. Reggie yelps and rolls around on the ground to put out the flames. He has a burn mark on his shirt for the rest of the episode}''

'''CLARISSA:''' Can we get this over with? I still haven’t chosen the perfect dress for my birthday. Where is our dear helpless baby sister?

'''DAVID:''' In a cave near Mount Gwenworth. Lenny can teleport us nearby.

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Sitting up}'' If we can convince him to co… ''{Clarissa fires up her hands again}'' To stop sulking.

'''DAVID:''' I will make an attempt. ''{Reggie rolls his eyes and yawns, accidentally hitting Clarissa in the face}'' [Lenny, we have to save Tabitha.]

''{Clarissa fires her hands and hits Reggie in the back, knocking him down. David doesn’t hear anything from Lenny. Reggie stands up and tackles Clarissa}''

'''DAVID:''' [She could be in real danger!]

''{Cut to the cave. Tabitha and Lackey Demon are playing cards. Lackey Demon’s hand is visible. He has a 3 of clubs, a 6 of clubs, a Queen of hearts, a 4 of clubs and a 2 of clubs}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Got any fives?

'''TABITHA:''' We’re playing poker.

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' I know…

'''DAVID:''' [Lenny?] ''{Clarissa and Reggie fight for a bit}'' [Lenny!] ''{Clarissa bumps into the couch, which starts smoldering}'' I suppose we’ll have to go without him.

''{He notices that the couch is on fire and yells. Reggie pushes Clarissa off him and stands up}''

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Pointing}'' If Tabitha was here, she could’ve put that out.

''{In the cave, Lackey Demon is putting on another puppet show for Tabitha, who is bored. This one is based on Red Dwarf. He has a Lister puppet and a Rimmer puppet}''

Lister Puppet: ''{Bad scouse accent}'' You’re a smeghead, Rimmer.

''{A fireball hits Lackey Demon and he jumps up and looks around. David, Reggie and Clarissa are standing in the mouth of the cave. Reggie and Clarissa are attempting to pose dramatically.}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Hey, they came! ''{He rushes them. David trips him over telekinetically and Clarissa fireballs him repeatedly, though it doesn’t really hurt him}'' Quit it!

''{Reggie kicks him across the room, and he hits the wall and stays there}''

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Cheerfully}'' Well, that was suspiciously easy. ''{He walks over to Tabitha’s cage as a shadow rises up behind him}'' C’mon, Tabby, let’s—

'''TABITHA:''' Reggie, look out!

''{The shadow, Boss Demon, jumps up and hits Reggie hard on the head, knocking him out}''

'''CLARISSA:''' Idiot.

''{She adopts a fighting pose, and Boss Demon hides underneath Reggie. Clarissa holds a fireball}''

'''BOSS DEMON:''' You can’t hit me without hitting your brother as well.

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Scoffs}'' Like I care.

'''BOSS DEMON:''' You’d have to kill him to even bruise me.

''{Clarissa prepares to throw the fireball}''

'''TABITHA:''' ''{With teary eyes}'' Don’t do it, Clarry! I know you love him deep down! I know it!

''{Clarissa thinks}''

'''CLARISSA:''' You’re right. Too many witnesses. ''{Tabitha giggles nervously}'' David, lift up the dead weight.

'''DAVID:''' [I can’t. He’s too heavy]

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Sighs}'' If you want something done right… ''{She walks over to Reggie and pulls him away from the demon, which leaps up and claws at her face}'' Get it off! Get it off!

''{David is too busy laughing to help as she stumbles around trying to pull the demon off her face, eventually running into the cage and knocking herself out. David looks around}''

'''DAVID:''' Um.

''{He raises his hands in surrender}''

''{Lackey Demon presents The Demented Cartoon Puppet Show, with a stick figure puppet and a bomb puppet}''

Juliet Puppet: Romeo? Romeo? Where aree youu Romeo?

Ziggy H Bomb Puppet: Here I am!

Juliet Puppet: You’re not Romeo!

Ziggy H Bomb Puppet: Zeeky Boogy Doog!

''{Lackey Demon comes up from behind the puppet thing. He has a few bandaids on his face}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Boom. And then the world blew up. ''{Rolling his eyes}'' Again.

''{A reverse angle shot reveals that David, Clarissa and Reggie are now in the cage as well. Reggie is laughing, Tabitha is confused, Clarissa is bored, and David isn’t paying attention}''

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Still laughing}'' That’s pure comedy! I wish Lenny was here to see this!

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Scathing}'' If Lenny were here, we’d be out of here already.

'''TABITHA:''' But… But why does the world keep blowing up?

'''DAVID:''' Shh. [Lenny? Lenny? Come in, Lenny.] ''{He chuckles to himself}'' [Lenny!]

''{Angela carries Lenny, who’s fallen asleep, into his room}''

'''DAVID:''' ''{This is exactly what he was saying in the last scene, without the chuckle}'' [Lenny? Lenny? Come in, Lenny. Lenny! …Mum?]

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Looking at the ceiling}'' Yes, David?

'''DAVID:''' [We got captured by some demons and we need Lenny to teleport us out before they suck our magic out.] ''{Angela puts Lenny down on a bed}'' [That’s my bed.]

'''ANGELA:''' Sorry, dear. ''{She puts Lenny on the other bed}'' Lenny is very nervous about his rite of passage. I’m worried about him. When do the demons intend to suck your magic out?

'''DAVID:''' [They mentioned the next full moon. Will Lenny be well by then?]

'''ANGELA:''' I hope so. That’s his birthday.

'''DAVID:''' [Please talk to him. We need him. Please stop kicking me, Clarissa! I have to go.]

''{Angela sits down on Lenny’s bed and puts her head in her hands}''

''{Later, Lenny opens his eyes and sits up, looking around. He checks his watch and whimpers}''

'''LENNY:''' Mom!

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Offscreen, faint}'' Yes?

'''LENNY:''' What day is it? ''{Angela’s response is inaudible}'' What?

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Offscreen, faint}'' Come downstairs!

''{Lenny teleports into the dining room, where Angela is eating a sandwich}''

'''LENNY:''' What day is it?

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Ironically}'' Happy birthday.

''{Lenny whimpers again}''

'''LENNY:''' Do I have to do that rite thingy?

'''ANGELA:''' Yes, you do.

'''LENNY:''' I don’t wanna. ''{He looks around, the table is conspicuously empty}'' Where is everyone?

'''ANGELA:''' They went off to save Tabitha and got themselves captured.

''{Lenny looks shocked}''

'''LENNY:''' Why didn’t you say anything?!

'''ANGELA:''' I did. Multiple times.

'''LENNY:''' I didn’t hear you!

'''ANGELA:''' And David kept trying to reach you.

'''LENNY:''' I didn’t hear him either!

'''ANGELA:''' Lenny, it’s okay to be nervous, ''{Hesitant}'' but maybe… not that… much?

'''LENNY:''' ''{Clearly making it up as he goes along}'' Actually, I… I think it was probably a concussion… from when I was banging my head on the table!

'''ANGELA:''' ''{Skeptical}'' A concussion.

'''LENNY:''' I think maybe I should start wearing a helmet or something.

'''ANGELA:''' Then I missed a perfectly good chance to teach your brothers how to treat—

'''DAVID:''' ''{As Angela says “Brothers”}'' [Lenny?]

'''LENNY:''' Yeah?

''{Angela stops talking}''

'''DAVID:''' [Clarissa has a message for you… But I can’t relay it because I have moral objections toward profanity. Are you well now?]

'''LENNY:''' Pretty much. Are you okay?

''{The scene switches to the cave. Reggie is watching another puppet show and laughing, Clarissa looks ready to murder someone, Tabitha is drinking a thick shake}''

'''REGGIE:''' ''{Still laughing}'' Do the one where the cheerleader gets cerebellum’d again!

'''DAVID:''' [The demons will suck our magic out tonight, we haven’t exercised for 72 hours, which is very bad for you, by the way, and Reggie is choosing the entertainment, but other than that, we are unharmed. Could you please come and help us?]

'''LENNY:''' [Sure.]

'''DAVID:''' [Thank you.] ''{Turning to the others}'' [He’s coming.]

''{They express relief}''

'''CLARISSA:''' Finally! ''{She throws a fireball at the bars of the cage. It shrinks and goes out on impact}'' If I have to watch one more stupid puppet show…

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Hey, I’m doing the best I can. What do you mean, “finally”?

'''CLARISSA:''' Nothing I’d want to tell you. ''{She gets her birthday list out of her pocket and scribbles on the back. Then she shows it to the demon}'' Do this one with puppets.

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Uh… Okay.

''{He morphs his hand into a Clarissa puppet and puts on a high pitched voice}''

Clarissa Puppet: I am Clarissa, and I will destroy all that is good!

''{He morphs his other hand into a random citizen puppet}''

Random Citizen Puppet: Oh no! The end is nigh!

Clarissa Puppet: Die!

''{The Clarissa puppet attacks the citizen puppet}''

Random Citizen Puppet: Help! I’m being killed with death!

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Smirking}'' Much better.

''{She puts her hands behind her head and stretches}''

''{Lenny wanders around in the forest. He is wearing a backpack and different clothes}''

'''DAVID:''' [Now you turn left.] ''{Lenny turns left}'' [I mean right] ''{Lenny turns right and walks into a tree}'' [I’m sorry, I was right the first time] ''{Lenny groans}'' [Could you hurry up, please? It’s getting dark.]

'''LENNY:''' You’ve led me off course ten times already!

'''DAVID:''' [It was three.]

'''LENNY:''' What I’m saying is, it’s not my fault I’m taking so long to get here.

'''DAVID:''' [Reggie would like to relay the comment that it is your fault that you were hiding in the linen closet like a little baby for a week.]

'''LENNY:''' I had a concussion!

'''DAVID:''' ''{To Reggie}'' [He says he had a concussion] ''{To David}'' [Reggie would like to respond with a long, drawn out “sure”.]

''{Lenny mumbles under his breath}''

''{The cave again. It is dark. Lackey Demon is pulling the cage out of the cave and grunting. He soon gets it outside}''

'''LACKEY DEMON:''' Behold, the light of the… wait a second…

''{It’s cloudy}''

'''BOSS DEMON:''' ''{Looking outside}'' Are they trembling in fear yet?

'''REGGIE:''' Is it me, are these monsters of the week really lame?

''{Lenny in the forest. Only his eyes are visible}''

'''DAVID:''' [You are going the wrong way.]

'''LENNY:''' It would help if I could see! ''{The moon suddenly comes out. He’s in a clearing by a cliff}'' That’s better. ''{He hears Tabitha screaming and looks up at the cliff}'' Tabby! ''{He teleports onto the top of the cliff, where Boss Demon is holding Tabitha, and David, Reggie and Clarissa are trying to break his grip}'' Here I am to save the day!

'''REGGIE:''' Took you long enough!

''{Lenny teleports into the cage, grabs Tabitha, and teleports out again, taking his siblings with him}''

'''BOSS DEMON:''' Hey!

''{He advances on them}''

'''LENNY:''' Hurry up, Tabitha!

'''TABITHA:''' ''{panicked}'' What do I do?

'''LENNY:''' Shoot him!

''{Tabitha shoots Boss Demon with ice. He dodges, but not fast enough, and crumbles into dust. Lackey Demon notices this and runs away}''

'''LENNY:''' That other guy’s getting away…

'''TABITHA:''' I liked him. He was funny. And he gave me lots of food.

''{Clarissa pelts the demon with fireballs. He yelps every time one hits him, but he keeps running}''

'''REGGIE:''' Can we go now?

'''LENNY:''' Sure! ''{They all link hands. Lenny teleports them high up into the air, just long enough for them to react, then he teleports them back}'' Oops. ''{He teleports them into the ocean, again just long enough for them to react, then teleports them back}'' Or maybe we’ll walk.

''{Later, they’re all in the backyard of their house. Lenny, Clarissa and Angela are standing up, the others are sitting down. Angela puts her hands on their shoulders and closes her eyes. They start to glow. For a second, they appear to have wings. Reggie jumps. Then the glow dies down again. Angela smiles and opens her eyes}''

'''ANGELA:''' You both did very well.

'''LENNY:''' ''{Rubbing his back distractedly}'' Wait. That’s it?

'''ANGELA:''' Yes, that was the rite.

'''LENNY:''' All it did was make me tingle! ''{Reggie starts laughing. He tries to say something, but gives up and just keeps laughing}'' Are you saying I hid in the linen closet for days because of this?

'''CLARISSA:''' ''{Smug}'' But brother dear, you said you had a concussion.

'''LENNY:''' I, well, that’s what I meant! I had a concussion because of the stupid rite!

''{Credits. Lenny interrupts the credits to complain some more}''

'''LENNY:''' It only lasted five seconds! It hurt worse when I lost my first baby tooth! I hate everyone, so much!

User:Shwoo/TV Show

2009-02-28T10:56:05Z

Shwoo: And now I'm a typical fanfiction.net writer. Oh well, it's faster!

This isn't that serious. Just a way to let off steam.

== Intro ==
Once upon a time, back in the dark ages of 2005, there was roleplay, and it was good. Now, based on a series of roleplays between [http://nathalie35.deviantart.com/ Nathalie] and me, I bring you '''Corny Ensemble Teen Adventure Cartoon Show!''' (Name subject to change) (Actually just a series of scripts) Many of these ideas are Nathalie's, who incidentally was fourteen at the time, and she roleplayed it with several people, but this is based on the ones she did with me.

I asked her permission before I wrote the first script. I'm sure that still applies.

== Premise ==
Roland is a normal, average twelve-year-old boy, living in a normal average American suburb. Just kidding. He and his four siblings are the descendants of angels and demons. For eight years they were under the control of their demonic father, Charles, who was siphoning energy from them or something. Then they were rescued by their angelic mother, Angela, who doesn't have the most subtle name. Now she's trying to give them a normal life, but, as the last descendants of angelkin, they're attracting a lot of unwanted attention.

Yeah, yeah, laugh. I said it was corny. This seems like the best way to get my urge to write this kind of stuff out of my system.

(Any resemblance beyond the superficial between these characters and Codename: Kids Next Door's Delightful Children from Down the Lane is... really annoying. I thought I got rid of all that. Am I the only person who loves them as evil hive-minded brats instead of abused little angels? Apparently.)

== Episodes ==
(Anything written between square brackets [] is telepathic.)

* ''Pilot:'' '''[[/The Wrong Passage|The Wrong Passage]]:''' <s>Roland</s>Lenny and Clarissa's 13th birthday marks their passage into adulthood. Also Tabitha's been kidnapped. Since this is the pilot, Roland's name is Lenny, and Beth's name is Nathalie. (Written in 2006) (I sucked in 2006)

(More soon, if I don't get bored with this)

== Characters ==
=== Roland ===
Roland is a surprisingly well adjusted boy and the middleman and perspective character of the group. His power is teleportation.

=== Clarissa ===
Roland's twin sister, Clarissa appears to want world domination. She is vain and a little cruel, but when the stakes are high she sides with her siblings. She has the power of fire, just like her dad. How shocking.

=== Tabitha ===
Tabitha is eight years old and more powerful than any of her siblings. However, her childishness sometimes gets in the way of her being a total Mary Sue, so it's okay. She has the power of ice, just like her mother. Again, shock.

=== David ===
David is ten, highly intelligent, and doesn't speak to non-family members or really understand social conventions. In fact you might assume that he has some form of autism. Which he does. Well done. He has the power of telepathy and telekinesis.

=== Reggie ===
Reggie is the oldest at fifteen. He's kind of immature, doesn't take much seriously, and tends to overestimate his wordly experience. You know, a teenaged older brother character. His power is healing, and he's not happy about it.

User:Shwoo

2009-02-28T09:31:17Z

Shwoo: /* True Things */ The made up stuff is kind of out of date now, but I think I'll just edit this.

Disclaimer: This was cobbled together from fanstuffs featuring Shwoo, and does not reflect reality in any way, except for the parts that are accurate. She is flattered that people have written stories involving her, and feels stupid referring to herself in the third person like this.

Shwoo (born Claire) is a member of the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki. Her best friend is Homestar Tiger, however, she insults him repeatedly, raising the question of just how much she really likes him.

==Employment==
First and foremost, Shwoo is a wiki sysop. In effect, this means that she is an officer of the law, who uses her banhammer to ban vandals. She also teaches at Homestar Runner Fanstuff School, presumably a middle school, though what she teaches is unknown.

==Appearance==
Shwoo is a young woman with glasses. She usually wears a white t-shirt, but owns a dress made of pictures of Super Sam for use on formal occasions. This is all that is known about her appearance.

==Personality==
Although reliable, energetic and a hard worker, Shwoo is something of a word I can't say here. I'll go with "jerk". Whether it's laughing uncontrollably at a student who came up with a bizarre excuse for being late to class, or addressing her best friend as "stupid moron", it's clear that Shwoo is not a very nice person. She is also easily frustrated, and often vents her frustration by hitting the nearest person on the head with a pretzel stick if she has one, even killing Coach Z by this method at one point. These violent urges also extend to people who sexually harass her.

==Likes and Dislikes==
Shwoo enjoys writing, both fiction and reports for her jobs. Her favourite foods include maple syrup and garlic bread, but she dislikes salad dressing.  She also dislikes the fanstuff wiki's rule 1.6 for unknown reasons, despite it being quite a sensible rule.

==Romance==
Prior to joining the fanstuff wiki, Shwoo was involved in a love dodecahedron with several other Codename: Kids Next Door fans. Although the records concerning this have been lost, it is believed that one of her lovers died in a plane crash while he was in the air force. During this time, she had a baby and then triplets, conceived by kissing and cuddling her current boyfriend respectively, and then probably gave them up for adoption or something.

Her love life after she joined the fanstuff wiki was, if you believe Noxigar, varied. She first made out with Ekul under the mistletoe, and was later mind controlled by The Cheat to make out with Lucas Aura. Understandably, neither of these makeout sessions came to anything. She later kissed Homestar Runner, and much later was blackmailed into dating him and paying Strong Bad a thousand dollars, after Homestar Tiger was turned into a chair. How this date figured into Strong Bad's plan to have all the email shows on the wiki deleted is unknown, but the date went relatively well, and they returned to Homestar's house for tea.

==True Things==
===Stuff Hosted Here===
*[[Wiki War II: The Fanfic]] — It won an award, so it must be good!
*[[User:Shwoo/TV Show]] — Gaze in wonderment as I write crappy corny scripts based on a reimagining of characters not my own! No, it's not FCE Dan, it's... probably nothing you care about.
===External Links===
*[[hrwiki:User:Shwoo|hrwiki userpage]] — Um... I don't use this anymore.
*[[hrfwiki:User:Shwoo|hrfwiki userpage]] — Hope springs eternal.
*[http://oneinnabun.livejournal.com LiveJournal] — See how weird I really am.
*[http://clanker.deviantart.com deviantART] — New: the realisation that eyes don't go a third of the way up the face.
*[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/336744/Shwoo fanfiction.net] — There's not a lot here, but I'll link to it anyway.

File talk:Clark Kent.jpg

2009-01-13T06:14:20Z

Shwoo: Searching for my name powers ACTIVATE!

there are no women here but shwoo and i think she is married you put that up because you thought he was sexy you must be gay :OOOO {{User:Lemon Demon43/sig}} 00:48, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
:I'm bi. But no. {{User:Raiku/siggy}} 00:49, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
::shwoo is asexual i know this because i read UNLIKE SOME OF YOU {{User:Vindicator/sig}} 01:17, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
:::...I'm only nineteen. How many nineteen-year-olds are married? And yeah, I'm asexual. {{User:Shwoo/sig}} 06:14, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

Talk:Wiki War II: The Fanfic

2009-01-06T11:49:45Z

Shwoo: Reply. Actually just a link to replies.

Heh. Ha ha! "The trees were singing and the birds were green." Good one. --{{User:Homestar tiger/sig}} 12:12, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

TheDenzel saves the day again! Naw but seriously, this is the best thing I've ever read on the wiki. --{{User:TheDenzel/sig}} 15:05, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
:Yay for my brief but excellent appearance! {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 15:51, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

''{Cackles softly}'' {{User:Strong Intelligent/sig}}

shwoo is not an honorary third gen she is a dirtorary thirdie >:(((((((( --{{User:Dinoshaur/sig}} 17:32, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

i enjoy it for i am in it and my portrayal is realistic good work shwoo --{{User:Dinoshaur/sig}} 17:38, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

this is amazing dispite the fact i have but one line good jorb -- {{User:NachoMan/sig}} 19:33, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

this is quite possibly the greatest thing ever written here {{User:Skullbuggy/sig}} 20:47, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

:Ladies and gentlemen, it is offical. Shwoo is obviously the best writer on all the wikis, fanstuff and user. Let us build a throne and bow down to her at once. 
'''SOMEONE ELSE:''' Don't you think- 
'''HOMESTAR TIGER:''' I SAID BOW DOWN! --{{User:Homestar tiger/sig}} 20:53, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
:somebody say "strong intelligent" amirite

:Really, I respect Shwoo for having a sig that sent me to the HRF, and for writing RIAHM, but personally, I wouldn't say best until she writes a fic about zombies eating crops. {{User:Strong Intelligent/sig}}

::She ain't that kind of person! --{{User:Homestar tiger/sig}} 21:09, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
:::SO I HERD YOU LIKE NINTENDO {{User:Strong Intelligent/sig}}
::::Who? --{{User:Homestar tiger/sig}} 21:17, 5 January 2009 (UTC)
:::::JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS: GUNS AND ZOMBIES>JUMPING ON MUSHROOMS. If Mario were introduced in 2007, I doubt he would be liked ¬_¬ {{User:Strong Intelligent/sig}}

INVISIBLE WALLS

IDIOCY

STEREOTYPES

OUT OF CHARACTER

FOTF BECAUSE WE ALL WANT AFFECTION FROM GIRLS {{User:Vindicator/sig}} 00:52, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. ALSO COW PUNCHER MUST HAVE A REFERENCE IN THE FICTIONAL WIKI WAR III ONE {{User:Lemon Demon43/sig}} 03:09, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

I wasn't expecting so much positive response. Thanks you guys, you made my crappy morning a lot better. I [http://z13.invisionfree.com/Fanstuff/index.php?showtopic=2089&st=0&#entry3305493 responded] to a couple of posts here on the forum, because I like the quote feature. {{User:Shwoo/sig}} 11:49, 6 January 2009 (UTC)

Irrational Researchings/Shwoo

2008-09-13T01:35:55Z

Shwoo: better flow

[[HRFWiki:User:Shwoo|Shwoo]] is a third-generation user. She is the first third generation sysop, and until September 2008, the only third generation sysop.

== Userpage Exerpt ==

== Contributions ==
*Wrote the Fanstuff-of-the-Month-winning [[HRFWiki:Reality is a Harsh Mistress|Reality is a Harsh Mistress]] and [[HRFWiki:100 Fanfics|100 Fanfics]].

== Mannerisms ==

== Misc. Info ==
*Is currently one of the oldest active user on the fanstuff wiki at 19.

== Opinions ==
''"Oh, Shwoo? I misspelled her name as Shcwoo once as a joke. It's the most common misspelled username on this wiki. Well, besides Jicem. Well, she's cool, I guess."'' said {{User:Lemon Demon43/sig}}
:''"Girls? On my Internet? It was more likely than I thought."'' said {{User:Vindicator/sig}}

The Wiki Movie/Part 1

2008-02-21T06:28:51Z

Shwoo: Fuck! moved to The Wiki Movie/Part 1 over redirect: rvv

''{Cut to a luxury home. Sephiroth, TheStick, and Znex are all there. It is currently in black and white.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Well thanks guys! For coming around here! I have called both of you here to help me with something..

'''ZNEX:''' What might it be?

'''THESTICK:''' Yeah! I was going to smelt all my Brazillian jold!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' I need you to.... Kill Someone. I need your help to do so.

'''THESTICK:''' That depends. Who are you trying to kill, are you coming with us, why do you want to kill him, and who are you and what did you do with Sephiroth?

'''ZNEX:''' And how much are we getting paid?

'''SEPHIROTH:''' His name? Dr. Vader. He's a Maniac Doctor, in Cyber Armour. He is also known for his clone, Mini Palpame. I need to defeat him, as he has challenged me. However, I've heard, he's got some tricks up his sleeve, so I'm calling you two, for help. And for pay... That will be talked about. I just really need both your help! TheStick, for your Brains, and Znex, for your strength. Besides, it will be adventure!

'''THESTICK:''' Meh, I'm up for it! And besides, my next battle with an insane psycho is in six months.

'''SEPHIROTH:''' YAY!! And you, Znex?

'''ZNEX:''' Alrighty. ''{takes out a small metal cylinder, presses a button on it, and a long purple laser shines out of it}''

'''THESTICK:''' When are we going?

'''SEPHIROTH:''' In a week. We have to train!

'''THESTICK:''' Does that mean we cut to a montage?

'''IM A BELL:''' ''{voips in}'' Probably. I'll be training to hole-kick. ''{listens to a cassette tape with the words "THIS IS MADNESS!" repeated over and over}'' Wait, what do I do?

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Yes! To maintain the ameteurish, and cheesy feel of the movie! Im a Bell, you can kill Dr. Vader too!

'''IM A BELL:''' Yatta!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' In fact, this movie, is being made with a budget of 5 Cents, a Button, and a Magnet! Although, I found millions of dollars somewhere... Which is not stolen.

''{Cut to a dirty alleyway. Tom Cruise is sitting there, looking like a hobo.}''

'''TOM CRUISE:''' He took... Everything... Every single thing!

''{Cut back.}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' So yeah.

'''IM A BELL:''' Riiiiight...

'''THESTICK:''' I have a better idea! Just cut to a black screen saying: 3 Weeks Lator...

'''IM A BELL:'''''{unnecessarily bad lip-syncing}'' That sounds good!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Nah. It's not worth it. Dr. Vader doesn't even exist. I just wanted everyone here. I'm so lonely! ....Wait a minute.... Let's go out on an adventure!

'''IM A BELL:''' ''{starts karate-chopping Sephiroth, still horribly lip-synced}'' I agree!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Gets out Sonic Screwdriver.}'' Don't make me use this!

'''IM A BELL:''' I'll be good...

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Good. Well, where shall we go?

'''ZNEX:''' Uh...

''{Two cartoony-looking unicorns run up.}''

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 1#:''' Hey Sephiroth!

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 2#:''' Yeah, hey Sephiroth!

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 1#:''' Guess what we found!

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 2#:''' Yeah, guess what we found!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Eek. Girly.

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 1#:''' We found a map to Candy Mountain!

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 2#:''' Yeah, Candy Mountain, Sephiroth!

'''CARTOONY-LOOKING UNICORN 1#:''' Yeah, Candy Mountain!

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Oh. Oh. Is. Is. This. This. A. A. Day. Day. Where. Where. Everything. Everything. Has. Has. To. To. Be. Be. Repeated? Repeated?

'''THESTICK:''' It's. It's. It's. It's. A. A. A. A. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Way. Way. Way. Way. To. To. To. To. Add. Add. Add. Add. Length. Length. Length. Length. To. To. To. To. The. The. The. The. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. And. And. And. And. Increase. Increase. Increase. Increase. Budget. Budget. Budget. Budget.

'''IM A BELL:''' ''{still horribly lip-synced}'' Bad lip-syncing helps, too. ''{continues moving mouth for over five minutes}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' ''{Now, a horribly done guy made out of rubber, and poles for arms.}'' B-Movie Elements work pretty good.\

'''VINDICATOR:''' ''{speaking Japanese with English voice over}'' Ha ha ha hahahaha. ''{mouth moves for a few more seconds}''

'''THESTICK:''' Man, this is boring. I think that we should start a real riot! ''{Hold up as pitchfork and a torch}'' Give us freedom or give us... uh... a dirt nap! I don't like being forced to do a movie. ''{Knocks down the camera. The next scene is sideways}''

'''IM A BELL:''' Here's another way to do less work! ''{his line repeats 20 times. Each at a different angle}''

'''VINDICATOR:''' ''{stuck speaking Japanese with English voice over through whole part}'' I eat babies! ''{mouth continues to move for seconds after English voice over finishes}''

'''SEPHIROTH:''' Whoa. This is odd. I'm with people from all sorts of movies. Me, Crappy Low Budget Movies, Bell, Illegal Kung Fu Movies, Vindi, Anime, and TheStick, whatever he is. Well, let's go to Candy Mountain.

''{They Leave. The Unicorns eyes turn red, and they start making a beeping sound.}''

Being a Troll: The Guide for Idiots!

2008-02-21T06:13:39Z

Shwoo: I'm a Page Mover! moved to Being a Troll: The Guide for Idiots! over redirect: rvv

'''NOTE: This Guide if for Humor Only, and it's not recommended for real.'''

== Intro ==

So? You want to be bad? You want to vandalize the wikis, eh? But too dumb to do it? Or just don't know how. Well, now, that won't be a problem, because once you read this, you'll be a troll in no time!

== Different Kinds of Trolls. ==

Before you become a full fledged troll, you will have to know what kinds there are. This list isn't complete, as there are many kinds of trolls. This is just for a quick overview, so you don't have to read this part. It is recommended you be creative as a troll, so you can try different ways.

=== Vandal ===
:These are the most common types of trolls, and also possibly one of the simplest. Behavior includes: Blanking Pages, Replacing Content with Profanity, or Nonsense, and more. This is the recommended choice for beginners.

=== Impersonators ===
:These Trolls have only recently started to pop up, so they are more frequent right now. These trolls introduce them self as a famous celebrity, or a cartoon chracter. Usually a few days before trolling, they act like a productive user, and make at least one fanstuff. Then, they strike.

=== Page-Movers ===
:These trolls have a different method than others. They usually move peoples Fanstuff, or Userpages, into a different page, usually one with either profanity, or nonsense. Either is recommended for a striving Page-Mover Troll.

=== Sock-Puppets ===
:These trolls, are really just previous blocked trolls. They are multiple accounts used by the normal trolls. Usually with a different name. These trolls are respected in the troll community, as they usually never go for good.

=== Bots ===
:One of the most rare kinds of trolls. These are used by one person only, most of the time, using a bot program to Troll countless pages all at once. These are really respected trolls, due to the difficulty to revert.

== Famous Trolls, Bots, Etc ==

=== NSMC ===

:One of the most well known bots, that spams an inapproprite message on pages from A to a funny Z. Make friends ASAP, or disaster could happen.

=== H*Bad ===
An expert on sockpuppeting. Respected by troll community, for he can make NSMC-style IP's.

== Enemies ==
As A Troll, you are bound to get enemies. If you don't, you'd be the first.

=== Users ===
:The Normal Users. These people can't do much, but revert your art. Though you can strike back by spamming their Userpage and Talk.

=== Sysops ===
:These people you should fear. As they can block you for quite a while, even forever.

===Reservists===
A step above users. These guys don't come until a smaller being tattles on you. Think of it as an inactive sysop.

=== Bureaucrats ===
:RUN.

Yes. One Word. Run.

Bureaucrats 99% Spell the end for a troll.

=== Proprietors ===

:Don't bother going against these, you've died before you got to them.

Everything You Know Is Wrong/fiveoneturkey

2007-12-29T10:43:43Z

Shwoo: Undo revision 1285 by 124.177.68.226 (Talk): I'm sorry, but you'll have to log in.

== Synopsis ==

You awake in a chamber with five recognizeable people, some dude you've never seen, and a raw turkey. You go through grueling (???) tests trying to escape, but as most of the stories I direct, it will probably be a bad ending... OR WILL IT?

Public.

Idea by Vindicator :D

Oh, who wants to be the "You" and the five friends? I'm the dude... and the turkey... who plays an important role.

== Transcript ==

I woke up. 5 faces and a new one.

AND A TURKEY? OH WOW!!!

"Y'know, we can hear you."

''{Vindicator throws a scythe at the camera.}''

'''VINDICATOR:''' Hey guys.

MediaWiki:Copyrightwarning2

2007-10-30T01:01:09Z

Shwoo: Changed to a similar message to one at the fanstuff

Your changes will be visible immediately. If you would like to test or practice editing, please do so in the sandbox. You are allowed expand and improve upon others' articles; however, bad edits to articles are watched for and will be quickly removed.

Talk:Everything You Know Is Wrong/fiveoneturkey

2007-10-29T00:46:00Z

Shwoo: Moving talk page

I'll be friend numero dos. (Who does #2 work for?) [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 14:38, 26 October 2007 (UTC)

You could be an insider for the test lab. I'm a double agent, and the turkey's role is BIG. {{User:ApocalypX/sig}} 21:21, 26 October 2007 (UTC)