Wiki User Wiki - User contributions [en]

WUW:Sandbox

2020-01-28T06:24:13Z

Remolay:

You know I thought that inexplicably posting a new fanstuff on a dead wiki in 2019 would be funny but y'all're still here ain't you

'''''Yes. We are.'''''

== HLEP ==
whenever I try to change my user name I get these words as a error:
Internal error
[800fecd50596144203c1f65d] /wiki/Special:RenameUser MWException from line 3889 of /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/user/User.php: CAS update failed on user_touched for user ID '102' (read from replica); the version of the user to be saved is older than the current version.
Backtrace:
#0 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/session/SessionManager.php(313): User->saveSettings()
#1 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/auth/AuthManagerAuthPlugin.php(226): MediaWiki\Session\SessionManager->invalidateSessionsForUser(User)
#2 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/extensions/Renameuser/RenameuserSQL.php(123): MediaWiki\Auth\AuthManagerAuthPluginUser->resetAuthToken()
#3 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/extensions/Renameuser/specials/SpecialRenameuser.php(272): RenameuserSQL->rename()
#4 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/specialpage/SpecialPage.php(522): SpecialRenameuser->execute(NULL)
#5 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/specialpage/SpecialPageFactory.php(577): SpecialPage->run(NULL)
#6 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/MediaWiki.php(283): SpecialPageFactory::executePath(Title, RequestContext)
#7 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/MediaWiki.php(851): MediaWiki->performRequest()
#8 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/includes/MediaWiki.php(512): MediaWiki->main()
#9 /var/www/clamburger.org/wuw/mediawiki-1.28.2/index.php(43): MediaWiki->run()
#10 {main}

IDK WHAT THIS MEANS. I CHANGED MY MAJOR FROM COMP SCI TO FINE ARTS, AND AS SUCH I AM DUMB AS DOORKNOBS AND DON’T KNOW HOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! -- {{User:NachoMan/sig}} 01:38, 27 January 2020 (EST)
:What do you want to change your Username to? I doubt it but it might be a user rights issue. {{User:JuomariVeren/Sig}} 19:19, 27 January 2020 (EST)\
::also we have a discord if you want to see the complete and utter degeneracy we've descended into in the many years you've been away {{User:JuomariVeren/Sig}} 19:39, 27 January 2020 (EST)
:I'm not entirely sure, but I could POSSIBLY help you with name change. What would you like it changed to? [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] ([[User talk:Noxigar|talk]]) 19:17, 27 January 2020 (EST)
:Nah fam, shit's broken {{User:Remolay/sig}} 01:02, 28 January 2020 (EST)
::To further clarify, I don't think there's anything any of us as users can do to fix it. Given that an account I just made can't change the name, it's probably not a value on user_touched being somehow set in the future, as apparently can happen, and there's a chance there's an extension somewhere that's making it go wrong. We'd probably need to get in touch with Sam in order to fix it. I am not a hacker, and I'd hope that there would be no vulnerability that would somehow allow me to change someones name to Farts Domino even if i were. I wish I could be of more help, and could offer more than that "Farts Domino" joke. {{User:Remolay/sig}} 01:24, 28 January 2020 (EST)

WUW:Sandbox

2020-01-28T06:02:34Z

Remolay:

Talk:2019

2019-08-05T01:42:17Z

Remolay:

we love you sam <3 {{User:Tyrannosaurus Lex/sig}} 20:28, 4 August 2019 (EDT)
:i nominate this for FOTF 2019 {{User:Brerose/siggy}} 20:33, 4 August 2019 (EDT)
:: seconded {{User:Remolay/sig}} 21:42, 4 August 2019 (EDT)

Wikihood/Soundtrack

2018-11-26T05:30:49Z

Remolay:

Songs used in the series.

== Volume One ==
=== Disque One: Pilot Trio & Pre-Heist Arcs ===
* '''Alan Parsons Project''' - I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You
* '''Electric Light Orchestra''' - Mr. Blue Sky
* '''Utada Hikaru''' - Sanctuary
* '''Anderson .Paak (feat. Kendrick Lamar)''' - Tints
* '''Laura Branigan''' - Gloria
* '''Freddie Mercury''' - Living On My Own
* '''Beck''' - Loser
* '''Andrew Gold''' - Thank You For Being A Friend (Golden Girls Theme Song Version, as performed by Cynthia Fee)
* '''Britney Spears''' - ...Baby One More Time
* '''Michael Jackson''' - Human Nature
* '''Duran Duran''' - The Reflex
* '''Black Sabbath''' - Paranoid
* '''Afroman''' - Because I Got High
* '''Girls' Generation''' - Genie
* '''They Might Be Giants''' - Minimum Wage
* '''REM''' - Shiny Happy People

=== Disque Two: Heist: The Sin-Greeters & Post-Heist Arcs ===

* '''John Denver''' - Take Me Home, Country Roads
* '''Bonnie Tyler''' - Holding Out For A Hero
* '''Electric Light Orchestra''' - Telephone Line
* '''Ozzy Osbourne''' - Hellraiser
* '''Ariana Grande''' - Greedy
* '''Flatt & Scruggs''' - Shuckin' The Corn
* '''Kirin J Callinan''' - Big Enough
* '''Bill Haley and the Comets''' - Rock a Beatin' Boogie
* '''ABBA''' - Money Money Money
* '''The Carpenters''' - Top of the World
* '''Al Hirt''' - Green Hornet Theme
* '''Big Mountain''' - Baby I Love Your Way
* '''Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson''' - Say Say Say
* '''ABBA''' - Mamma Mia
* '''<s>Justin Bieber, ft. Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee</s> Garfield and Leigh''' - Despacito

Wikihood/Soundtrack

2018-11-02T06:22:53Z

Remolay:

Songs used in the series.

== Season One ==
* '''Alan Parsons Project''' - I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You
* '''Electric Light Orchestra''' - Mr. Blue Sky
* '''Freddie Mercury''' - Living On My Own
* '''Beck''' - Loser
* '''Andrew Gold''' - Thank You For Being A Friend (Golden Girls theme song version)
* '''Britney Spears''' - ...Baby One More Time
* '''Michael Jackson''' - Human Nature
* '''Black Sabbath''' - Paranoid
* '''They Might Be Giants''' - Minimum Wage
* '''REM''' - Shiny Happy People
* '''John Denver''' - Take Me Home, Country Roads
* '''Electric Light Orchestra''' - Telephone Line
* '''Ozzy Osbourne''' - Hellraiser
* '''Ariana Grande''' - Greedy
* '''Flatt & Scruggs''' - Shuckin' The Corn

Wikihood/eps/11

2018-11-02T06:17:29Z

Remolay:

== Summary ==

== Transcript ==
''{Open to Xavier sitting at a table in the corner of an Italian restaurant. Sitting on the other side is a short and fat Italian man in a white suit with a red shirt, who is taking time to puff a cigar between bites of food.}''

'''????:''' It's a pleasure meeting you again, Mr. D'Arque.

'''XAVIER:''' Call me Xavier. After all, we're friends, aren't we, Andre?

'''ANDRE:''' Right you are! As you may know, we are in full support of your campaign. The DuTempi Family will always be in your gratitude.

'''XAVIER:''' When I was running my campaign to become District Attorney, I promised to clean up this city by ending the gang warfare, and I delivered.

''{The Italian man cackles as he takes another puff from the cigar.}''

'''ANDRE:''' You cheeky bastard. You really laid a number on my competition. Those Bonifacio pricks had no idea what hit 'em!

''{Andre takes a large slurp from his glass of wine.}''

'''ANDRE:''' Let's cut the bullshit, though. I know we ain't talkin' pleasantries here. What can I do for you?

'''XAVIER:''' How good are you at finding people?

'''ANDRE:''' I once had a guy who was prepared to rat me out to the feds. Fled all the way to Europe when he knew that I knew. Lavosia, ya ever hear of it?

'''XAVIER:''' Of course. During my rowdier days as a youth, I spent a gap year there. Almost blew my whole allowance in their casinos. My father threatened to cut me off if I didn't come back. Good times.

'''ANDRE:''' Yeah. So this guy, he decided to play hide-and-go-seek, thinkin' he was safe. And y'know what? We let him believe that. For six months, we watched him build a decent life for himself. Worked at the shipyard, got himself a nice girl, lived in a chateau, y'know the life. Anyway, one day when they was comin' back home with groceries, and one of my guys had been followin' him. ...BAM!

''{Andre makes a gun gesture with his hand.}''

'''ANDRE:''' Splattered his brains all over his girl's lovely white dress. So yeah, how good am I at findin' people? You tell me.

''{Xavier smiles evilly. He pulls out his phone, showing the image of Chaos and Lex at the heist.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I have a very special job for your men.

''{Cut to Leigh, who is video-chatting with Ned on his laptop.}''

'''NED:''' I'm sorry, man. I tried talking to Jacqueline about getting your job back, but she just wouldn't budge. She didn't sound pleased about it, though.

'''LEIGH:''' I should've expected this to happen. I have about as much luck as a member of the Stark family.

'''NED:''' That is true. But you need to create your own luck. Make the best of a bad situation, like Tony Stark. He was captured by terrorists, put into a cave, and forced to make weapons. But you know what he did? He made himself a super suit and he busted out of there and became Iron Man.

'''LEIGH:''' Okay, first, I was referencing Game of Thrones. And second, I'm afraid to even do that! Every time I've tried to fix my life, something's thrown a wrench into my plans and screwed it all up!

'''NED:''' I heard about what happened yesterday. You seemed to do quite a good job at committing assault. You could become an underground fighter. They get lots of money.

'''LEIGH:''' That's not funny. You know I hate fighting.

'''NED:''' Look, man. You just need to find your guardian angel. Everybody has one. Mine lets me be a lawyer while fulfilling my DDR addiction. Ooh, I know! How about I get a DDR machine installed in your apartment?

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I can barely pay for groceries. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be evicted. A DDR machine is the last of my worries right now.

''{Leigh leans back and sighs}''

'''LEIGH:''' I haven't told her yet... She probably already knows. Why do I keep ending up on the evening news?

'''NED:''' 'Lay, don't worry about it. I'll ask around and see if I can find you another job.

'''LEIGH:''' ...No. I can't. One of the things Maddie told me is that I rely on others too much. I need a fresh start, and I will fix this, no matter how badly life keeps throwing curveballs. I can do this!

'''NED:''' That's the spirit! You go out there, and you make something of yourself!

''{Pause.}''

'''NED:''' But I will bail you out if I have to.

''{Cut to Leigh walking down the street, resume in hand.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I can do this, I can do this!

''{Pan to the other side of the road. Garfield is watching Leigh through a pair of binoculars.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' There he is. I will make his life better, even if it kills me. But, I can't let him see me...

''{Garfield assumes a sneaking position as he awkwardly walks around people on the street. He carries on looking at Leigh while following him from the other side of the road. He watches Leigh as he walks into a record shop. He scurries across the road and looks through the window. Leigh walks up to the counter and hands the cashier his resume before walking out. As Leigh is walking out, the cashier can clearly be seen putting the resume into the trash. As Leigh walks out of the store with a smile on his face, Garfield hides behind a road sign, looking completely conspicuous. Leigh does not notice. Leigh carries on walking down the street. Garfield follows him from a short distance before pulling his wallet out and throwing it over Leigh's head. Leigh looks bewildered as he picks the wallet up and looks around. In these few seconds, Garfield has somehow gotten on-top of the roof of a building and is looking down from above.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Did anybody drop their wallet? Or somehow accidentally lob it for some reason?

''{Leigh looks around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Anybody?

''{Nobody answers.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Huh. I should probably see who this belongs to.

''{Leigh opens the wallet and finds that there's identification, but it's stuffed with cash.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I should take this to the police; that's a lot of money to lose, gee.

''{Suddenly, Garfield appears in front of Leigh, now dressed in a policeman disguise which is just as fake as Chaos and Lex's security guard disguises.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Ah, I see that you have found somebody's dropped wallet!

''{Leigh hands the wallet to Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' That was convenient! Here you go, maybe you can find the owner!

''{Garfield gives the wallet back to Leigh and laughs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hahaha-have you heard of "Free Wallet Day?"

''{Leigh squints his eyes at Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute...

'''GARFIELD:''' The Mayor has people throw wallets full of cash at people. It's a community service, spanning back to approximately 1994.

''{Leigh raises an eyebrow. Garfield quickly scoots around the corner. He spins around and is back in his normal clothing.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' That was pretty heavy-handed. I think I need to change my tactics...

''{Cut back to Leigh. He calls a phone number.}''

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' Hello?

'''LEIGH:''' I'd like a fact checked out. There was this guy who was dressed like a constable who tried to give me a wallet, proclaiming it to be "Free Wallet Day." He said it spanned to-

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' 1994?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' I think your newfound acquaintance might've gotten the date wrong. Free Wallet Day isn't until mid-October.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, there actually ''is'' a "Free Wallet Day?"

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' Nowadays, it's kept rather hush-hush, but yeah.

''{Leigh blinks.}''

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' Are you calling for anything else in particular?

'''LEIGH:''' No, I just wanted to check that.

'''NOELLE:''' ''{vo}'' In that case, thank you for your inquiry and take care, sir.

''{Noelle hangs up. A short pause happens afterward.}''

'''LEIGH:''' As well-intentioned as that might've been, I'm going to try giving the wallet back to its original owner.

''{Leigh rifles through the wallet to peruse the identification again. His eyelids lower.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Is Wiggins really his last name? Hmm.

''{Leigh carries on walking down the street. A white car passes by him. Inside the car are two Italian-American men in black suits, named Rosato and Giuliano. Rosato is short and skinny, while Giuliano is tall and fat. Giuliano is driving the car.}''

'''ROSATO:''' A'ight, we're finally downtown. Would'a gotten here sooner if you didn't stop off for hot-dogs.

'''GIULIANO:''' I was hungry!

''{Giuliano taps his stomach. It growls.}''

'''GIULIANO:''' I still am. What we lookin' for, again?

'''ROSATO:''' The boss told us to be on the look-out for two geezers. One's a white guy with a Jamaican accent, and the other's a short goth.

'''GIULIANO:''' A goth? Ya mean the guys who sacked Rome? Didn't know there were any left!

''{Rosato slaps Giuliano.}''

'''ROSATO:''' No, ya dolt! I mean a goth as in one of those weird pale guys who dress in all black, has black hair, likes dark things.

'''GIULIANO:''' Ohhh. Okay, okay. Where do we look?

'''ROSATO:''' I don't know, yet! It can't be too hard to find them. The boss said there'd be a big reward for whoever caught 'em!

''{Cut back to Leigh, who has met up with Gordon at a bar. Gordon is looking at the wallet.}''

'''GORDON:''' Wiggins... Ay dun' know any'un with that name. Sorry, lad. Can't believe ye dinnae know of Free Wallet Day, though. It's been arund since '94!

'''LEIGH:''' ...So I've heard.

'''GORDON:''' Ay dun' mean to be cheeky, but ay think ya should jus' take the money. Obviously somebody wanted 'ye to 'ave it. Sorry again about ye losin' ya job. The office 'as been borin' ever since ya went.

'''LEIGH:''' It's funny; I almost considered voting for D'Arque, too.

'''GORDON:''' Ya gonnae vote for Petrobucks now?

''{Leigh visibly recoils.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yikes, no. I'm probably just gonna vote third party, or just not vote at all.

''{Gordon chuckles.}''

'''GORDON:''' Unnerstan'able, mate. I'm jes' joshin' wit' ya.

''{Leigh looks away and sighs.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Do you believe in guardian angels?

'''GORDON:''' Sorta. Not sure wha' cowns as a guardian angel.

'''LEIGH:''' Something my brother mentioned.

''{Zoom out to reveal that Garfield is still following Leigh, having sat at a table nearby. Garfield is this time dressed in a blonde wig, with a white dress, Timbs, and red thigh-high socks. He uses the time to take a selfie and send it to Stephanie. Cut to Stephanie, who does a spittake in her office.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Wha-

''{Stephanie ponders for a moment.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' At least Garfield explained everything about the... human with a keen interest in drow culture? But, going out in that dress doesn't affect drow culture at all?

''{Stephanie cocks a brow.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' This is by all means better than wearing a pimp suit, at least.

''{Cut back to the bar. The bartender gives Leigh a glass of beer.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I didn't order this.

'''BARTENDER:''' I know. Somebody else did. Said you deserved it.

''{Leigh scans around the bar. He catches a glimpse of Garfield in women's clothes, but doesn't register it. He looks at the glass for a moment. Suddenly, Gordon slaps him on the back unexpectedly.}''

'''GORDON:''' Looks like ye 'ave a guardian angel of ya own!

''{Pan back to Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Excellent. This plan is going well. Let's see if I can ramp it up.

''{Garfield pulls out his phone and proceeds to dial it. As he begins to talk, "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqAUSCEY4ME Money, Money, Money]" by Abba plays, starting a montage showing Leigh in a variety of quick scenes. In one scene, Leigh is in HappyMart and having trouble choosing between two jars of jam, costing $2.50 and $4.00, respectively. Suddenly, a large crowd around him forms, waving banners stating that he is the "Ten Millionth Customer." Pan over to the side to show Garfield handing a wad of cash to Felicia, the store's manager.}''

''{The second scene is of Leigh coming across a "lost cat" poster on a sign, with an award of $1000. Immediately, the cat which is on the poster crosses Leigh's path, and an older lady (who is actually Tracy dressed as an old lady) picks up the cat and hugs it, before handing a wad of cash to him.}''

''{The third scene is of Leigh looking for jobs online on his laptop. Suddenly, a pop-up appears on-screen, reading: "Congratulations! You have just won $10,000!" Leigh raises his eyebrow and clicks on it, linking to his online bank account with a new deposit of $10,000. Cut to Garfield at Headwiz's house, with the two sitting at a computer. Headwiz and Garfield turn to each other and they high-five, before Garfield pours an energy drink into his cup of coffee.}''

''{The fourth scene is of Leigh getting into bed and trying to sleep, only to notice something peculiar. He finds that he is covered in $100 bills. He fluffs his pillow, revealing that it is also stuffed with stacks of cash. He out of bed and takes the sheets off, revealing that he was sleeping on several more stacks of cash which had been hidden under his bed. Garfield can be seen peering through his window, only to quickly duck as Leigh turns the light on and looks around. The montage ends with Leigh hanging out with Jules at Surreal Cereals.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I don't understand! I feel like this is some kind of weird trick. I'm starting to look for cameras wherever I go, because what else could it even be?

'''JULES:''' Yo fam, chill for a bit. My folks give me money all the time.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, but your family's rich. I don't even have a family, other than my brother. And he's not the type of person to do this! Maybe I do have a guardian angel...

'''JULES:''' I'unno. Sounds more like you're being stalked.

'''LEIGH:''' Isn't a guardian angel already kind of a stalker?

'''JULES:''' Fuck if I know, man. Either way, at least they're not tryin' to kill you? Or maybe they are? What if it's some kind of freaky weird serial killer that likes to give people money before they kill 'em?

''{Leigh looks visibly terrified.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Jeez man, don't say that! That's horrible!

'''JULES:''' Shit dude, it could be one with a gimmick! Y'know? Stalks people and gives them money before doing somethin' really fucked up, like cutting them into tiny pieces, or somethin'.

'''LEIGH:''' No! Stop talking about it!

'''JULES:''' Sorry. And yeah, sorry about what my aunt did. If it makes ya feel better, I wasn't gonna vote for that Dark guy anyways. I wasn't gonna vote at all, but now I'm really committed to it.

''{Tracy arrives with cereal for both Jules and Leigh, serving them.}''

'''TRACY:''' I hear good fortune has crossed paths with you.

'''LEIGH:''' It... has.

''{Leigh cocks a brow. He then looks Tracy up and down.}''

'''JULES:''' Somethin' amiss?

'''LEIGH:''' Hm...

''{Leigh closes his eyes, and shakes his head.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Something was on my mind, but I forgot. I'm at least set for a little bit, but...

''{Leigh blinks. Tracy is gone.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Where'd he go?

''{Cut to Tracy having left, obscuring himself from view from Jules and Leigh. He has headphones on, and turns on the mic attached to them.}''

'''TRACY:''' Alright, I think this has backfired a tad. He's now intensely paranoid.

''{Cut back to Leigh, who still has Garfield's wallet. He rifles through it.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, this has an address!

''{Jules facepalms.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ...hang on, this address...

''{Jules shows Leigh his phone. A map of Townindale is shown on it. Zoom into the map to show the position of Volkov's pierogi bar, then zoom inward. Cut to Volkov and Garfield both serving multiple guests at a now busy establishment. Most of the patrons therein are wearing business suits, and two of them - Rosato and Giuliano - are recognizable amongst the crowd.}''

'''ROSATO:''' You had hot-dogs just an hour ago, and you're still stuffin' yer face.

'''GIULIANO:''' Leave off, douchebag. I skipped breakfast.

'''ROSATO:''' We're supposed to be lookin' for these guys!

'''GIULIANO:''' Ey, we ain't the only ones 'ere!

''{Giuliano gestures to all the other men in the restaurant. Cut to Leigh and Jules walking through the front door of the Pierogi Bar. All of the suited men look straight at them and put their hands in their suits, as if to pull out a gun. However, as they realize they are not the ones they are looking for, they, turn back and carry on eating their food. Leigh and Jules are freaked out by this.}''

'''JULES:''' Bruv, I don't think we're welcome here.

''{Volkov pops up from the side of the screen.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Nonsense! Everybody's welcome at Katyusha's! Come, sit down!

''{Volkov practically pushes the two into the restaurant and into a booth seat, before handing them menus.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Right now, it is happy hour! All drinks are 20% off until 6PM! I'll give you moment to decide.

''{Volkov walks offscreen. Jules looks at the menu.}''

'''JULES:''' Huh. Didja know this place is named after that guy's mom?

'''LEIGH:''' Shh.

''{Leigh points to Garfield, who emerges from the kitchen with a tray of pierogis.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I know that guy... He was at the Fundraiser. I drank with him.

''{Pause.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Just before I lost my keycard...

''{Leigh gets up from his chair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hold on for a sec. I wanna talk to him.

'''JULES:''' Ya ain't gonna beat up on him too, are ya?

''{Leigh walks over to Garfield from behind and taps him on the shoulder. Garfield turns around and as soon as he sees Leigh, he backs away.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hello there! Welcome to Katyusha's!

''{Leigh gets closer to Garfield, who continues to back away. This continues until he is backed into a wall. Garfield begins to sweat. Leigh pulls out the wallet.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Is this yours?

'''GARFIELD:''' Uh... yes? I must've dropped it somewhere... silly me.

''{Leigh looks at Garfield closely, before realizing that he was the policeman.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I tried to give it to a policeman, but he told me it was Free Wallet Day.

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes! It-...

''{Leigh leans in even closer as he interrupts Garfield. All eyes are on them again.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Free Wallet Day is in Mid-October. I've had a great stroke of luck for the past 24 hours. Someone keeps throwing large amounts of money at me. Literally, in some cases. This has been going on ever since I lost my job after the Fundraiser we were at got stolen from. Do you remember when we drank together?

'''GARFIELD:''' I indeed remember.

'''LEIGH:''' These are some really weird co-inky-dinks, don't you think?

''{Garfield sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...Damn it. Let's talk about this privately.

''{Volkov gives Garfield the thumbs-up. Leigh nods stiffly.}''

'''LEIGH:''' That can be arranged.

''{Garfield walks out, goes to clock out. Leigh follows, silently observing everything. Given the Fundraiser was mentioned, Rosato and Giuliano attempt to follow Garfield and Leigh, only to be blockaded by Volkov.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I'm sorry. Way out is for employees and special human with interest in drow culture only.

'''GIULIANO:''' I went out to get some food with a Drow once.

'''ROSATO:''' Fuhgeddaboutit.

''{Rosato pulls Giuliano away.}''

'''ROSATO:''' ''{whispering}'' We'll just bring backup.

''{Garfield escorts Leigh to the Apartment upstairs.}''

'''LEIGH:''' So this is your base of operations?

'''GARFIELD:''' My base of operations.

'''LEIGH:''' All this time, you lived inside a pierogi bar?

''{Garfield goes into the kitchen.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{vo}'' Make yourself at home, Human.

''{Leigh cocks a brow.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, did you just-

''{Garfield comes back with several glasses of Naminade.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' From time to time, I work at the pierogi bar to make more money to do more cool things.

''{Zoom out to reveal that Garfield's eyes have massive black circles around them.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Erm... yes. That's what I wished to discuss. Why are you helping me, of all Humans?

''{Garfield sits down, with the glasses of Naminade set near him and Leigh.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I must apologize to you for causing you to lose your job.

'''LEIGH:''' A-ha! So you ''were'' part of the Heist!

''{Garfield winces.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes. At first, I thought it would just cause me to piss Stephanie and others off, and was hesitant in joining in on it.

''{Leigh nods.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Go on.

'''GARFIELD:''' I saw that there were auctions for various magical items. Many of them served as important memorabilia in the cinematic world, and...

''{Garfield takes out his Point Card.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' The first magical item I ever received was a Point Card from... a person I liked. I know she works for a company that mistreats her, and one day I may free her from her bonds to it using this Point Card to obliterate her asylum permanently.

''{Garfield puts the Point Card back in his pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Why not just talk to me directly? I would've listened!

''{Garfield frowns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I feared that you would attack me the same way that my friends were. I wanted to make amends for causing you to lose your job - I know that if anybody else was put under the same pressure-cooker that you were, that I would help them, too.

''{Garfield looks outside a window. Leigh sighs.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Well, if anything, count me in on your next big score against Xavier D'Arque. Thanks for the money, by the way. It'll definitely keep me from being evicted from my apartment.

'''GARFIELD:''' That shitty place?

'''LEIGH:''' It may be so, but it's still ho-... Oh, who am I kidding. It sucks.

'''GARFIELD:''' You know, one of our tenants is planning on moving out. If you'd like, you can stay with us.

''{Leigh perks up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Really? You'd do that for me?

'''GARFIELD:''' Of course! You'd be a fine addition to our team.

'''LEIGH:''' Wow, thank you so much!

''{Leigh goes for one of the glasses.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What do you call these?

'''GARFIELD:''' Naminade.

'''LEIGH:''' ...any particular reason why?

'''GARFIELD:''' Spiritual attunement.

''{Leigh confusedly drinks one of the Naminade glasses, but finds the drink to his delight. Garfield's phone rings, and he picks it up.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hello?

'''STEPHANIE:''' So, don't panic, but... I just overheard a meeting between D'Arque and some High Elves.

'''GARFIELD:''' What?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Look, they're hiring one of their own to accompany a Lavosian bounty hunter.

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh, no no no-

'''STEPHANIE:''' Some people didn't take kindly to you winning all those auctions, and then someone else caught wind of your "streaks of luck" at a casino in San Crystal-balls. I also theorize he's targeting you because you saw a part of his true colours and he's got a Masquerade to uphold. Thank god I managed to get a good lunch break.

''{Garfield slams his own head against a table.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Garfield? You okay?

''{Leigh takes the phone from Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's not taking the news lightly.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Leigh? Wha-

'''LEIGH:''' Garfield must've heard of my plight from you and tried to help me.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Ohhhhhhhh, I must've called at a bad time.

''{Jules arrives in the apartment. Garfield still slams his head against the table.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Regarding D'Arque... Let's just say I'm going to show him the light.

''{Stephanie laughs.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh, you guys just made my day. But, I gotta go. I just wanted to make a request to Garfield to keep himself from getting hurt. I will speak to you guys again, possibly after work.

''{Garfield stops slamming his head.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' WAIT, SHIT. I HAVE TO ASK HER SOMETHING.

''{Garfield snatches the phone from Leigh.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Steph, wait. That conversation we had yesterday, about the fight at the restaurant. The news report... you didn't...?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I really have to go. Sorry, Garfield.

''{Stephanie hangs up.}''

'''JULES:''' Can we talk now?

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Jules?

'''JULES:''' I heard everything.

'''GARFIELD:''' This is not good... this is not good at all. I have certain reason to believe that Lex and Chaos are in danger... and I now have a bounty hunter on my ass. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

''{Jules pats Garfield on the back.}''

'''JULES:''' This shit is wack AF to me, but I'm with you, man.

'''LEIGH:''' You helped me, so... Let us pay you back.

''{Leigh gives Garfield his wallet back.}''

'''JULES:''' Shit dude, you did that thing? Oh man, my Aunt is gonna be fuckin' pissed at you.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''You heard everything.''

'''JULES:''' Nahhhhhhhh, don't worry about me, fam. I don't give a shit. We cool. But MAN. You are in such deep shit, WOW.

'''LEIGH:''' You're not making matters any better by telling him that!

'''JULES:''' Shit. Sorry. So... I figure Lex and Chaos were the other two guys?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes. As far as I'm aware, the two are at Lex's place of work.

''{Suddenly, Volkov can be heard yelling from downstairs.}''

'''JULES:''' Shiiiit. We should get back to the restaurant.

''{All three go downstairs to the restaurant, which is now empty. Volkov is standing there by himself, looking furious.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? ALL OF THOSE ASSHOLES JUST UP AND LEFT WITHOUT PAYING! EVERY ONE OF THEM! I AM CALLING POLICE.

''{Volkov storms off into the backroom. Cut to Chaos and Lex, chilling out at the Mattress Warehouse.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey Chaos?

'''CHAOS:''' What's up?

'''LEX:''' D'ya ever jus' stop and think about perspectives? Like, how there are those times where ya ain't a main character anymore?

'''CHAOS:''' What do you mean?

'''LEX:''' Like, when ya ain't even in an episode until the very end? Feels weird.

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. You're right. That is a weird feeling.

''{The two look at the camera, and the episode ends.}''

Wikihood/eps/9

2018-11-02T06:02:33Z

Remolay:

==Synopsis==
Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The Foo Fighters fell for it!

==Transcript==

''{Open on black as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77R1Wp6Y_5Y Telephone Line by ELO] begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

'''LEIGH:''' Hello, How are you? 
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

''{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything 
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

''{Cut back to the other room as Maddie picks up the phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, how you-

'''MADDIE:''' You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

'''LEIGH:''' Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}''

'''LEIGH:''' I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

'''MADDIE:''' I'm listening...

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

'''MADDIE:''' Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

'''MADDIE:''' 'Lay, you know I love you. I just don't know how much more of your "Luck" I can push through with you. Let's say things keep going well until, I don't know, the end of the month? We'll talk about it then.

'''LEIGH:''' I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

''{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a Tracy, who has shaved, gotten a haircut, and is now wearing a suit and glasses as a disguise, around the place and how security is set up. Tracy looks at certain areas of the room, noting the locations of the security cameras, adjusting them every time he sees one.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

''{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which let's be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}''

'''LEIGH:''' And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old ‘Lay?

'''MADDIE:''' Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

''{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}''

'''CHAOS:''' If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us.

''{Virgil raises his hand.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Question. Garfield, what in cotton hill are ya wearin'?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's my distraction. I'm to create a stir while simultaneously schmoozing D'Arque.

'''HEADWIZ:''' He'll get D'Arque to reveal details of his life in a heart-to-heart conversation, and I will use those details to access the fundraiser's bank account so I can transfer the digital funds to our side.

'''TRACY:''' I thought you were a hacker. Isn't that just being a con artist?

'''HEADWIZ:''' What do you fuckin' expect? It's not like I can type a bunch of shit on a black screen like it's the fuckin' Matrix and "access the mainframe" like that.

'''TRACY:''' I know, but I was expecting something exciting!

'''HEADWIZ:''' Too fuckin' bad, mate!

''{Lex points to the plans.}''

'''LEX:''' Let's do a quick overview, mates. Headwiz will monitor the entire heist through these lovely thingies.

''{Lex pulls out small headphones.}''

'''LEX:''' With these, we get to talk to each other as we pull this stunt off.

''{Headwiz nods. She pulls out a small remote control and presses a button. A black van rolls into the store from the back.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' I'll be monitoring all you fuckers from the safety of my surveillance truck.

''{Headwiz pulls out a small device and hands it to Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Tracy, as "Mr. Alistair Hawthorne," you'll go into the security room and plug this little bad boy into the computer system, allowin' me complete access over the entire building's security cameras.

''{Tracy nods.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' And of course, you stay there and watch the cameras just to make sure shit doesn't fuck up. The system reboots its security at random intervals, so you have a short period of time to make this shit work.

'''CHAOS:''' And me and Lex will grab the money from the safe room while disguised as security guards. I got Lex to procure us some disguises. Lex, show 'em.

'''LEX:''' I had some trouble findin' good ones, but I did the best with what I got.

''{Lex pulls out two security guard Halloween costumes, along with two fake biker moustaches. Chaos facepalms.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck? Nobody is going to believe us like this!

'''LEX:''' Just wait, mon.

''{Lex turns around, with his back to everyone, then turns back, wearing one of the moustaches. Everybody gasps. Lex looks the exact same, but with the moustache.}''

'''LEX:''' But wait. There's more.

''{Lex pulls out a pair of aviators and puts them on.}''

'''LEX:''' How about now? Do I look like Lex now?

'''HEADWIZ:''' You look like someone's sad uncle who works part-time as a Freddie Mercury impersonator.

'''TRACY:''' I was thinkin' Village People, myself.

''{Chaos groans.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ughh. I guess it's the best we've got. If we stay far enough from everyone, we can probably get away with it. Whatever.

''{Chaos too puts on a pair of sunglasses, along with a fake moustache.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are you all ready, my dudes?

'''GARFIELD:''' Distinguished Guests, we turn this Fundraiser into a Hellraiser!

''{Cut to all six of them walking out of the store in their heist outfits, while the chorus of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SbA7dQCH2c Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne] plays. Headwiz gets into the van, while Chaos, Lex, Tracy, and Garfield all squeeze into a [https://www.coolestcar.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/classic-4-door-muscle-cars-karc-within-25-coolest-4-door-muscle-car-2017.jpg four-door muscle car], with Virgil in the front seat. Zoom out to reveal the distance between the van and the muscle car, as both head towards the Fundraiser. Then, zoom into the Fundraiser to reveal Stephanie sitting down on a table and looking beleaguered.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{sighs}'' Carrying this entire Fundraiser makes me wish food would just get here.

''{Droll shows up to sit next to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Long day?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yeah. I could use a stiff drink.

'''DROLL:''' I prepared my contacts with the Loa for today, in case anything gets hairy.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks. We might need it, honestly. I don't know what Security everyone else is packing, but I want this to go perfectly, for the good of all of Towningdale and San Crystal-balls.

''{Droll raises a brow.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yes, I am putting the entirety of Republic Island on my shoulders.

'''DROLL:''' Your back is going to break.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I care not for that. It's kind of hard to trust D'Arque's sponsors, so when I want something done right...

'''DROLL:''' ...you gotta do it yourself. I understand fully.

''{Droll takes out another teacup and offers it to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Tea?

''{Stephanie nods.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I think I've made tea with scotch in it before...

''{Stephanie takes the teacup and goes to find some scotch to put inside it. Pan over to Xavier D'Arque who is on stage, presenting to a large crowd of important-looking people. Of the faces in the crowd, the Mayor of Townindale is one of them, along with Sarah Khouroushi and Jacqueline and Frank Rosenberg. Dahn is in the corner of the stage, playing funky 60s-style background music.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wow! What an audience! Haha, wow! Thank you all for coming here tonight, you do not know how blessed I am to see you all here. To see all the people who want to make Republic Island a better place, it brings my heart joy, it really does. I see friends, I see family, I see people from all around, and I appreciate them all.

''{Xavier points to his wife, who is sitting at one of the front tables.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And of course, my beautiful wife, Theresa, which none of this would be possible without her! She has been my rock this whole time. I love you, Theresa!

''{The crowd all lets out an "aww" and claps for her.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And yes, this is indeed a fundraiser. However, this is definitely not going to be one of those dull ones, not like the one my opponent, Republican Bill Petrobucks hosted. Who, I also remind you, wants to build a pipeline through our most beautiful and scenic areas, just saying!

''{The screen splits to show the gang at the front of the Rosenberg Building. Garfield walks in through the front doors in his pimp suit, after showing the guards his ticket. Tracy, in his "Alistair Hawthorne" disguise, follows next with his ticket.}''

'''XAVIER:''' For this fundraiser, we chose to do something exotic, as we shall be serving authentic Drow food, prepared by none other than world-renowned chef, Jason Ralston!

''{The crowd cheers. Lex and Chaos, dressed in their security outfits, sneak through the building's garage. Cut to Headwiz in her truck, who is prepping a series of computer monitors and radio equipment.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Man, let me tell you about Drow food. I first had the pleasure of trying it when I was serving one of my terms in South Syllahona. It was a humanitarian mission, and I part of a task force to protect a village of Drow who were under threat from an army of Higher Elves from the North. While living among the Drow, I got to experience their cuisine over the period of six months, and believe me, none of you have lived until you've tasted roast garlic bat and fried yajanana roots.

''{Garfield and Tracy both walk into the event room, while keeping separate from each other.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Mr. Ralston makes great Drow food, that's all I'm saying. And also, we shall be hosting a small auction to raise funds. We're going to have some really cool items, from paintings to sculptures. But of course, all you movie buffs here will be excited to know that tonight we are auctioning off the iconic Battleaxe from the "Battleaxe" action movie trilogy! The same one that Grughor Spinesplitter wielded in all three films while playing Ace Battleaxe. Even better is the fact that you can also meet Ace himself, as he is currently in the audience!

''{Xavier points to an older Orcish gentleman in a suit who is sitting in one of the middle tables with his beautiful human wife and his three beautiful half-orc daughters. The crowd cheers and Grughor Spinesplitter blushes as he waves.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Thank you for your support, Grughor!

''{Garfield speaks into the microphone hidden in his clothing. He sounds excited.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy shit, they're auctioning off Ace Battleaxe's Battleaxe!!! And he's actually here!

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' ''Really,'' Garfield? What's so exciting about that?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Shut the fuck up Chaos, the Battleaxe trilogy is a fucking classic! Especially the third one, "Battleaxe vs. the Martians of the Third Reich!"

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I know. Keep to the mission at hand.

''{Pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I am going to ''win'' that battleaxe.

'''XAVIER:''' I've talked enough for now! I will wrap up my introduction speech by thanking Mr. Danny Moreau, our DJ for this evening. His music can make you move like no other!

''{The crowd cheers as Xavier bows and steps off the stage. The screen split finishes as Garfield and Xavier are in the same shot.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' The prick is right there. I'm of the mind to smack him one right now.

'''LEX:''' ''{Mic}'' Resist, mon! Ya don't wanna blow this thing before it's even begun!

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I'm not going to do it. But I want to. I'll just linger around at first... maybe try some of that Drow food.

''{Garfield goes over to a food table and gathers some of the Drow cuisine, which includes an assortment of vegetables, meats, and fruits. He finds a table near a bar, using the time to see how close he is to either Stephanie or Grughor's family.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've got some time, I may go ahead and make myself an Ichiruki.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' A what?

'''GARFIELD:''' An Ichiruki. I mix some strong vodkas and rums with orange juice and iced tea.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' Cuz, you're weird. Anyone tell you that?

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' I do, all the time.

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' I'd probably give it a much fucking cooler name, but you do you, Garfunkel.

''{Garfield begins mixing the vodkas, rums, orange juice, and iced tea, much to the bartender's confusion. He then drinks his concoction. Time fast-forwards a bit, to reveal that Garfield finished his food and has several empty glasses.}''

'''DAHN:''' The first auction of the D'Arque Senatorial Campaign is about to start in five minutes!

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10jMDAUP-YE Greedy by Ariana Grande] plays, as Garfield gets up to go into the auction. While the song goes on, a montage of Garfield attempting to outbid everyone on every item being auctioned in the Fundraiser happens. Shots of Garfield dancing throughout the auction's sequences of bids are shown throughout. The montage ends with Garfield sitting with himself at the bar, drinking another glass. Leigh comes and sits at the seat next to him. Leigh motions to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' One hard lemonade, please!

''{The bartender grunts and nods before turning back to the bar to prepare the lemonade. Leigh is about to turn to talk to Garfield, but is momentarily distracted by the swivel stool. He is mesmerized as he grabs onto the bar to swivel the stool around before releasing his grip, causing the stool to spin.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wheeeeeeee!

''{Garfield looks at Leigh, who notices him. Suddenly, Leigh's moment of joy becomes embarassment as he struggles to find the words to explain himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I-um- I- oh. I have no explanation.

''{Garfield remains stoic.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Looks fun, actually. I wanna try.

''{Cut to the two spinning around in their stools as everyone else at the bar sits away from them while trying to ignore them. The two stop as they are dazed. Leigh laughs as he picks up his drink.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh man. It's always the simple things.

''{Leigh looks at Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, hey wait a minute I recognize you. You’re that guy who ranted at me in deep speech a couple weeks ago! You look... less annoyed at least. How are you enjoying the fundraiser? Pretty good, isn't it?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's adequete.

'''LEIGH:''' I helped organize it!

''{Leigh pulls out his employee keycard and shows it to Garfield while grinning.}''

'''LEIGH:''' See? I work here! I did this!

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Congrats! I suppose the Drow food was your idea too, huh?

'''LEIGH:''' Surprisingly, no. It was D'Arque's. Not too surprising, as I'm not a Drow, but a human; but I sure love their cuisine!

''{Garfield looks up and down at Leigh and squints as if he has doubts about his ethnicity. He then decides that he's too intoxicated to know and drops it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It is quite extraordinary, yes.

''{Garfield looks at the keycard that is now loosely hanging from Leigh's pocket. Suddenly he is hit with inspiration. He looks around the room and then back at Leigh. He points to a random direction.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy fuck, is that Betty White?

''{Leigh quickly turns his head around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What? Where?!

''{Garfield quickly grabs the keycard and stuffs it into his own pocket before running from his stool, leaving Leigh alone. Leigh turns back to find that Garfield is gone.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Huh. I guess he must be in a hurry.

''{Leigh turns to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Another hard lemonade, please!

''{Cut to Tracy, in his Hawthorne disguise. He is being escorted into the security room by one of the guards.}''

'''TRACY:''' I 'ope I'm not bein' too much of an inconvenience. You just need to understand that a man of my caliber needs to keep my eyes open. An event like this... there could be trouble.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I understand entirely, sir. But don't you worry, we have our guys all around here. Security couldn't be any tighter.

''{The screen splits to show Chaos and Lex in their security guard disguises in the utility elevator with two large duffel bags each. The elevator reaches the event room floor, and the two leave through the doors. In the security room, Tracy is making small talk with the guard, who isn't paying any attention to the monitors. Tracy leans on the machine, covertly plugging the device into one of its slots.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I plan on being one of those rich folks one day. I'm gonna win the lottery, and when I do, I'm totally retiring at the Bahamas. Gotta get me a nice beachfront home, a elven honey, gonna raise a large family, and spend my days in a hammock while getting tipsy on some dwarven cocktails.

'''TRACY:''' Ah, yes. I own three houses in the Bahamas. It is quite a grand little place, yes.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Anythin' would be an improvement from my tiny apartment. You know how high rent is in this city? How about $1200 for a one-bedroom with roaches. It ain't fair, I'm tellin' ya.

'''TRACY:''' I would not know, for I am very rich. I live in a mansion.

''{The scene shifts to only that of Chaos and Lex, who get a message from Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{Mic}'' Can one of you get over here quickly? I have a keycard.

''{Lex nods at Chaos and quickly runs to the event room. Cut to Headwiz, who is looking bored out of her mind until the security cam footage appears on the monitors in the van. When she sees it, she excitedly messages Chaos, Lex, and Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Alright, you fuckers, I'm in. Make Mamma Murphy proud!

''{Split screen on Chaos, who is walking down a backroom corridor and trying not to be spotted by any other security guards, and Lex, who covertly sneaks into the event room, where he is greeted by Garfield, who quickly slips him the card. Lex gives Garfield a thumbs-up and rushes back to Chaos.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Can you see which room the treasure's in?

''{Headwiz looks at one of the monitors which shows a large vault room full of money and other riches, such as jewellery and gold bricks. She looks at the map.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' The money should be in Room O-11.

''{Chaos looks at the hallway doors, which are labeled O-3, O-4, O-5, and so on, until he notices O-11 at the very end of the hallway. Headwiz types some commands into her keyboard, placing a loop on the footage in the hallway and vault room. Cut back to Garfield, who is trying to make his way back to the bar before he runs into Xavier D'Arque and Stephanie. Stephanie looks shocked and Xavier smiles and forcibly shakes Garfield's hand. Garfield recoils somewhat.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Whoa, wha-

'''XAVIER:''' I was looking for you! You're the guy who won all of those auctions! Either you have a good taste in movies, or you just really love me. Come here!

''{Xavier aggressively puts his arm around Garfield's shoulder and tosses a small camera to Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Picture, now.

''{Stephanie nods. She remains silent as she takes a few pictures of the two together. Both Stephanie and Garfield look distraught. Xavier maintains his grip around his shoulder as he escorts him to his own table and invites him to sit down.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Gotta say, I ''love'' your outfit! Very unconventional. What designer?

''{Garfield ponders for a quick second.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hakamichi Kurloz.

'''XAVIER:''' Unconventional indeed.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...say, you don't happen to-

''{Cut to Headwiz in the van, listening in on the conversation Garfield and Xavier are having and having her screen show it. She gets out her cellphone, and begins texting Chaos, Lex, Virgil, and Tracy the information. Time fast-forwards to the end of the conversation.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Your curiosity ''is'' as insatiable as I've been told.

''{Xavier winks at Stephanie, who rolls her eyes impatiently. Garfield looks around.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my Tieg... how many Ichiruki glasses did I make...?

''{Garfield attempts to get up. He rifles through his suit, and throws a bouquet of red roses at Stephanie. She catches the roses, and looks at them confusedly.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I got these for you, Stephiroth.

''{Xavier bursts out laughing. Stephanie's eyes smile, but her face remains blank as she hears Xavier's laughter.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks.

''{Garfield turns around, as he "drunkenly" wobbles toward the food tables again. The camera remains on Xavier's laughter and Stephanie's confused look.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wait. Do you two ''know'' each other?

''{Garfield wobbles back, while sweating bullets.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well-...

'''XAVIER:''' Nah, it's unmistakable; the way you two look at each other.

''{Xavier smiles and looks at Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I guess you do have a life after all.

''{Xavier laughs semi-condescendingly as Garfield's fist shakes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It's been a pleasure, but I really ''need to go.''

''{Stephanie raises a brow, then looks down at Garfield's body shaking. A lightbulb appears over her head.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Better idea: Let's go and get you introduced to Grughor!

''{Stephanie escorts Garfield to Grughor's table. Cut to Lex and Chaos, who are in the vault room and have begun scooping up all the money and riches and putting them into the bags.}''

'''LEX:''' Gotta say, I'm impressed at 'ow smooth this is goin'!

'''CHAOS:''' Don't count your chickens yet, Lex. We ain't in the clear until we're outta here. Headwiz, are we still doing good?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' You have a bogey coming in your direction. It looks like a Drow. Ya gotta get rid of him somehow.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, shit. We'll move him on.

''{Chaos and Lex emerge from the vault room, and are greeted by Leigh, who is holding his crotch and awkwardly tiptoeing.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, do you know where the public washroom is? I lost my keycard, and I am really regretting all of those hard lemon-...

''{Leigh notices that the security guard uniforms are clearly fake.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a second.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

'''LEIGH:''' You two aren't real security guards!

'''LEX:''' Shit.

''{Leigh notices the fake moustaches on the two of them.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You look like the Village People!

'''CHAOS:''' Uh-... yeah! We're part of the entertainment. We're a duo of Village People impersonators!

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I'll be damned. But why were you in the vault room?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Guys, you need to get rid of him. Do SOMETHING.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh. We.. um... wanted a space for rehearsal.

''{Chaos awkwardly starts singing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Macho, Macho, Mannnnn. I wanna be, a Macho Man!

''{Chaos does a little dance, but Leigh still looks suspicious. Suddenly, Lex punches Leigh in the face, knocking him out instantly. Cut to Headwiz, watching the chaos unfold from her van.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck, man! I had that under control!

'''LEX:''' HE WAS GON' RAT ON US, MON. HEADWIZ SAID WE NEEDED T'GET RID OF HIM!

'''CHAOS:''' I was gonna cast a fucking charm spell on him, you dunce!

'''LEX:''' Bitch, ya dropped outta magic school, how the hell are ya gonna cast a charm?

'''CHAOS:''' It's a first grade spell, you asshole! I could have done it!

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CARRY ON DOING IT BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE COMES.

'''LEX AND CHAOS:''' Okay, okay!

''{Lex drags Leigh's body into the vault room, and they carry on loading the bags. Cut to Tracy, who is still smoothtalking the security guard. The monitors show Headwiz's looped footage, but they begin to flicker, showing short bits of the real scene. Tracy begins to panic and attempts to distract the guard.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you know what the real secret to being rich is? It's... um... breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Really? I tend ta skip breakfast. Not enough time in the beginnin' of the day, y'know?

''{The screen begins to flicker some more. Tracy quickly shoots Headwiz a text on his phone, reading "device is failing tell them to HURRY." Cut to Headwiz, who sees her phone and panickedly presses different keys.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Fuck fuck fuck, LEX! CHAOS! You almost done?!

''{Cut to Chaos and Lex in the room which has now been completely emptied, except for Leigh's unconscious body and six large gym bags which are stuffed full. The two pick up three bags each and sling them on their bodies, struggling from the weight. Chaos talks into his mic.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We're done. Let's get outta here.

''{The two being to shuffle outside of the vault room, but Lex looks back at Leigh.}''

'''LEX:''' 'Ey. We need to do something about 'im. Don't wanna pin this thing on him.

'''CHAOS:''' That's true. Stuff him in the toilets. They'll think he got drunk and passed out.

''{Lex nods.}''

'''LEX:''' Right, mon!

''{Cut to Garfield, who is carousing with Grughor and genuinely enjoying himself.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I'm surprised you know about that film! It was only released in Europe, as far as I can tell!

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm a big fan! Of course, I would know about "Kobra Kommandos!"

'''GRUGHOR:''' Despite the bad press it got, I really enjoyed being in that film. Behind the scenes was an absolute thrill. Vin Diesel taught me about this thing called LARP'ing, you' ever heard of that?

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh yes! My LARPsona is "Noxigar Bellinski." I do it sometimes with my friends, Lex and Volkov.

''{Grughor laughs, before giving Garfield his business card.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' If you're ever in Hollywood, you should contact me. I'm always up for a LARP-fest.

'''GARFIELD:''' I would love that, thank you so much.

''{Garfield gets the message from Chaos.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It was lovely talking to you, but I really need to go now. I... um... left the oven on?

''{Grughor stands up.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I've yet to give ya the battleaxe and my autograph! Hold on.

''{Cut to Tracy, who gets the message as soon as Headwiz's device shuts down, revealing the real security camera footage. He gets the message from Chaos too.}''

'''TRACY:''' You know what. I think I feel secure enough about my treasure that I should really be going!

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Huh? But I haven't even gave ya the recipe for my gramma's tamales!

''{Tracy suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke, confusing the security guard who turns around to look at the monitor and freaks out.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' HOLY SHIT!

''{The guard grabs his mic and talks into it.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM, I REPEAT; THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM!

''{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, who is in Jacqueline Rosenberg's office.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' What, exactly, do you plan on doing once you are elected? You better not raise my taxes.

'''XAVIER:''' My dear, I would do no such thing! I understand the importance of business more than anyone. You and I will gain a lot from this deal, I assure you.

''{Xavier and Jacqueline both get the message from the security guard. They immediately stand up. Jacqueline yells into the mic.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' WHAT?! What the hell is wrong with you? How did you let this happen?

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' ''{Mic}'' I don't know, Boss! It was there one second, and gone the other! I don't know-

''{Jacqueline switches her communication device off. Xavier looks furious.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Some fucking punks think they can get away with ''my'' money, huh? Not on my fucking watch!

''{The two bolt out of the office. Cut to Chaos and Lex, who have reached the elevator while breathing heavily from the weight. As the doors begin to close, they can see a group of security guards who are looking around. One spots the two as the doors finally close, and they begin to run down the stairs. Cut to Tracy, who is now in the main event room, and is shifting through the crowd of unaware people as he makes his way out. In the background, Garfield can be seen onstage with Grughor, getting his picture taken and being presented with the battleaxe, along with his other items. Cut back to Chaos and Lex, who are now in the parking lot and running towards Virgil's car. The group of security guards catch up to them as Virgil opens the car door.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Guys, get in and let's go!

''{The security guards begin to open fire as Chaos climbs into the car on one side, and Lex jumps through the open window on the other side.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Hold on to ya britches folks, and try not to piss in 'em!

''{Virgil slams the brakes. Cut to Headwiz's van, which is parked in an alleyway within distance of the Rosenberg building. Tracy climbs in through the back. It is revealed that Headwiz is catching the security guards confront Chaos and Lex on the monitors.}''

'''TRACY:''' Hey, where's Garf?

'''HEADWIZ:''' I dunno, he should be here already! I gave him the notice!

''{She looks at another monitor and sees Garfield on-stage.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Oh, Jesus Christ!

''{Headwiz yells into the mic.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' GARFIELD, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE, WE NEED TO GO, NOW!

''{Cut to Virgil, who is speeding the car out of the parking lot as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoMYOzX71Mw banjo music] begins to play. Cut back to Headwiz's van. Garfield climbs in from the back, carrying a multitude of items.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Sorry I'm late, guys. I got caught up in-

'''HEADWIZ:''' Shut the fuck up, and let's go!!!

''{Cut to the perspective of Headwiz's truck as Virgil's car speeds by it, followed by three security vans. Headwiz pulls the van out and begins driving. Cut back to the perspective of Virgil's car, with Chaos and Lex in the backseat while being crushed by the bags of money and riches. The car speeds through the streets of Townindale while being pursued by the three security vans. Chaos looks at the rearview mirror and sees them getting closer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Shit, man! Can this thing go any faster?

'''VIRGIL:''' Y'all tell me.

''{Virgil shifts the gear stick and presses even harder on the pedal. Virgil erratically steers the car through the streets as he is being pursued, paying no regard to signs or other cars. Chaos and Lex are shifting in the backseats which holding the money. As the car moves out of Townindale, Virgil turns the car towards "Nottigan Drive." Lex's eyes widen as Virgil disregards several warning signs.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Virgil... you know where ya goin', right?

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't ya worry 'some. I know what I'm doin'.

''{As the car goes down Nottigan Drive, it becomes clear that the street is still under maintenance. Lex looks even more concerned.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya sure ya know where yer' goin'?

'''VIRGIL:''' I know where we're goin'.

''{Chaos looks at the rearview mirror again. The vans are catching up again.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You better do something; they're gaining on us!

''{The car is out of Townindale entirely as it is now driving in rural outskirts of the city. As it goes further, a sign can be seen in the near distance, labeled "Caution: Open Ravine." This time, Chaos pays attention along with Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Wait, no. No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO! WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE, NO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!

''{Chaos tries to climb forward to take the wheel from Virgil, but is too heavily weighed down by the bags of money. The car speeds into the sign, breaking it entirely, as it speeds onto a long ramp that's on a ravine. The car drives off the ramp and into the air as Chaos and Lex start screaming.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

'''{Slow motion sequence of the bags of money floating inside of the car as it is suspended in the open. Pan over to show the security vans frantically braking as they refuse to also jump the ramp. Suddenly, the car lands on the other side of the ravine, on another road. Chaos is about to throw up. Virgil looks behind and looks at him with a serious look on his face.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't you dare.

''{Chaos swallows the vomit inside his mouth. Both him and Lex look distressed as the banjo music stops. Cut to the Mattress Warehouse. Both Virgil's car and Headwiz's truck have reached it around the same time. All of them jump out of the vehicles as Chaos and Lex take out the bags of money and toss them on the floor. Headwiz, Tracy, and Garfield cheer.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Whoo! You fuckin' go, guys!

'''TRACY:''' That. Was. Awesome!

'''GARFIELD:''' I have to say, I am impressed.

''{Lex and Chaos don't answer. They collapse on the floor from being inside of Virgil's car. Chaos raises his finger while on the floor.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Guys... we did it. We got the goods.

''{Cut back to the interior of the Rosenberg building. The fundraiser is over, and Xavier D'Arque and Jacqueline Rosenberg enter the men's bathroom, to see Leigh, who is flopped over in an toilet stall. As he wakes up, he sees the two faces staring at him with anger. He blinks a few times.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey guys... what's up?

''{End of the Episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-11-02T04:43:08Z

Remolay:

==Summary==
Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!

==Transcript==
''{Open on a cellphone ringing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ8oTm8cUY8 "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury]. Leigh wakes up with a quick yelp and answers the phone. He has a full head of glorious silver hair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You've reached the house of the... Screw it I can't be arsed. Hello?

'''NED:''' ''{Through phone}'' 'Lay? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

'''LEIGH:''' You definitely heard right. I was in a plane hijacking, but that was evidently not enough to reschedule the interview.

''{Cut to Ned, setting up A DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his high rise apartment.}''

'''NED:''' Wait, that means... ah, shit. You alright, bro?

''{Cut to Leigh, in his room, sitting in his bed. The camera closes up, on his face.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Uh, yeah... um... No. I'm not; I'm stuck in Townindale, in the back of a wig maker's shop. Job hunt's not going well.

'''NED:''' Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie. right?

''{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed, which is just an old mattress in a nearly empty room.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, about that. You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues? Well she uh... She finally got sick of it and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

'''NED:''' ''{sighs}'' Look, I'll help you out a bit. I'm sending you some money; use it to get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

''{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine}''

'''NED:''' Maybe you don't, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud!

''{Ned presses the start button. This causes the machine to yell "DDRMAX!"}''

'''LEIGH:''' Alright... Thanks, brother.

''{Fade to black. The song [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg78BgLeQWc "Loser" by Beck] begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip - his resume. A guy with a boombox walks by and Loser begins to fade out. Leigh looks at the Boombox guy funny, and walks off to a tailor. Cut to him entering the tailor's shop; he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, who is wearing a snazzy vest and sunglasses.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow! It's not often I run into another one in this town... How may I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken. I am a Human.

'''TAILOR:''' ...with pointy ears?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''TAILOR:''' And dark, violet skin? And white eyebrows?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have a condition.

''{The tailor appears perplexed by Leigh's words, for a couple of seconds. His expression then turns into one of disappointment.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Aw... Anyway, how can I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm new to this town, and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hire-able.

''{The tailor furrows his brow, then smiles.}''

'''TAILOR:''' I know exactly what to put you in!

''{Cut to Leigh leaving the Tailor's in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring, and he picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background, while Ned sounds out of breath.}''

'''NED:''' You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' That was, like, an hour ago.

'''NED:''' Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association, one of the most illustrious companies in the city!

'''LEIGH:''' Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that?

'''NED:''' I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine during a conference. Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. I don't know what to say.

'''NED:''' You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes. She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

'''LEIGH:''' Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

'''NED:''' Sure you do. Look at the horizon. You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia?

''{Leigh looks behind him, in the distance to see the building is far away. It sticks out in its obviousness, as shown by the dark cloud that looms over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah.

'''NED:''' Good. That one. Top floor. Now ''hurry!''

''{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a familiar kid wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid and pulls a deck of cards from his front pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

'''KID:''' No way! I already own all the best cards!

''{Leigh shifts through the deck and pulls out a single card that he shows to the kid.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet you don't have a holographic Dorothy Zbornak attack card, 1994 limited edition, signed by Bea Arthur herself.

''{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}''

'''KID:''' Hoooo-lyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

''{Cut to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting in between cars as he rushes to the evil building. He grumbles to himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I gave away my best card for this job. It better be worth it!

''{Leigh turns the corner and run into Lex and Chaos, crashing into Chaos and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground and drops his Resume. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates Leigh, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, Leigh looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The Drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

''{Cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, Mr. More, I must admit your resume is not impressive.

''{Cut to the meeting room where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh, whose suit has gotten dirtied from more falls. Jacqueline flips through his resume, which has become moderately crumpled}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took that one out.

'''JACQUELINE:''' It's preposterous! Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

'''LEIGH:''' Oh no, I ''did'' work for Santa Claus. Pretended to be an elf for a good two years. Poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

''{Jacqueline puts his resume down and appears to have completely checked out, already deciding that Leigh is not getting the job.}''

'''LEIGH:''' So, this is going to be awkward, but... Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

'''JACQUELINE:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' Lawyers, am I right?

'''LEIGH:''' He's my brother.

''{Jacqueline looks Leigh up and down. She decides to forget about it and move on.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Of course, why wouldn't he be...? Very well; next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

'''LEIGH:''' Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

''{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling and gives a loud sigh. She gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh, whose smile does not drop. Cut to her getting a drink of water when Jules appears from nowhere}''

'''JULES:''' Yo, Aunty!

''{Jacqueline yelps and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise, and turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

'''JULES:''' Yeah, sorry 'bout that, Aunty. Hey that Elf-

'''JACQUELINE:''' He insists he's a Human. I'm not sure why.

'''JULES:''' That ''Human'' who came in to interview, his name ain't Leigh, is it?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Do you happen to know him from somewhere?

'''JULES:''' Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

'''JACQUELINE:''' How long ago was that?

'''JULES:''' Yesterday.

''{Jacqueline pauses to think.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' He did not ''look'' to be recently shot...

'''JULES:''' Yeah, no yeah. But he was gonna. Pushed me out of the way. Lucky he didn't get hit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' And you're telling me this, why?

'''JULES:''' You gotta hire him, aunty. I owe him a favor after that shit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' I don't know if that's the wisest choice, for you see... he has no qualifications.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, but I'd be ''dead'' without him!

''{Jacqueline sighs.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I think I can arrange something. No promises.

''{Cut back to the meeting room, Leigh's smile unending. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a bottle of wine and a few sheets of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' You've got the job, More.

''{Leigh's smile fades and he starts the stand up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

''{Leigh falls to the floor as he is still wearing rollerskates.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Just as a head's up, rollerskates are not appropriate attire for a professional interview.

''{He lifts his head up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' I was recently informed that you saved my idiot nephew's life, and I can see that you're frazzled, likely as a result. So, yes. You got the job.

''{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand..}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this Ms. Rosenberg!

''{Jacqueline shakes Leigh's hand more firmly, in response.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I highly doubt that.

'''LEIGH:''' By the way, just what exactly ''is'' my job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Telemarketer. To let you know, you start tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these forms...

''{Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, and sits down.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Come back with them tomorrow.

'''LEIGH:''' Once again, I thank you for the position! You won't regret this, I swear it!

''{Leigh runs out the door, papers in tow. After he leaves, Jacqueline takes out a bottle of wine and begins chugging from it. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I have a job!

''{He slows down, as a realization hits him.}''

'''LEIGH:''' But I'm out a Dorothy card. Darn...

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

''{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}''

'''JULES:''' What is up, my "Drotha?"

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you h-... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

'''JULES:''' Oh shit fam, was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin', I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

'''LEIGH:''' No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken, I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a Human.

''{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}''

'''JULES:''' Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit, man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-

''{Leigh takes a few seconds to process what had happened.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, is Ms. Rosenberg your aunt?

'''JULES:''' You betcha, fam!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh wow. So I guess I should thank ''you'' for getting me the job!

'''JULES:''' Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

''{Rewind to a familiar plane scene. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

''{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

''{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}''

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

'''LEIGH:''' I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

''{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard as somebody begins to engage Mr. Davies.}''

'''JULES:''' Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

'''JULES:''' You think you and your lil' buddies can just waltz on up and hijack my plane, huh?

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones.}''

''{Cut back. Mr. Davies points the gun at Jules.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

''{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, sir; I just need a little bit of air!

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, wait! You're going to get yourself killed!

''{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way in doing so. At the same time, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him, revealing that the bullet was a blank.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Oi, that's a blank!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Of course it is! I wasn't going to fire an actual gun on an airplane! I just expected you all to comply!

'''LEIGH:''' GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

''{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces, propelling him forward, where his fist hits Mr. Davies in the face, knocking him out in one hit. He rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead. He is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}''

'''HIJACKER:''' Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

'''LEIGH:''' SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM.

'''HIJACKER:''' Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

''{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second as punching sounds are heard. After the screen is back, the two hijackers are out stone-cold on the ground. He rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror, before proceeding to throw up in the toilet. After regaining his composure, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}''

'''MADELYN:''' What the hell did you just do?!

'''JULES:''' That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}''

'''FRANK:''' Wait-wait-what?!

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''JULES:''' How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

'''LEIGH:''' I uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

''{Jules laughs}''

'''JULES:''' Shit man, if that was panic... you gotta panic more often. Hey uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You my aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

'''LEIGH:''' Telemarketing. Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

'''JULES:''' Fuck, that's boring. I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

'''LEIGH:''' Please don't.

'''JULES:''' Nah, I gotta do it. A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me.

'''LEIGH:''' I'd really rather prove I can hold a job before anything else is lined up at my doorstep.

'''JULES:''' Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

''{Jules slaps Leighs back, a little harder than he intended.}''

'''JULES:''' Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

'''LEIGH:''' We do?

'''JULES:''' New job, motherfucker. I'm takin' you to the best bar in town!

'''LEIGH:''' You're the reason I have the job in the first place. And besides that, I've only got money for rent. And it's like noon.

'''JULES:''' You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat. Well, the time thing matters. I'll come get ya around 6:00. Where you live?

''{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now, and calms down a bit.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You know that wig shop on Third?

'''JULES:''' The one that just announced they were using Elf hair?

''{Leigh drops his face entirely.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{Under his breath}'' That motherfucker... ''{Normal volume}'' Yeah, that's the one. I live in the back of it!

'''JULES:''' Cool, see ya at 6:00!

''{Jules and Leigh split ways, for a moment. After a bit of walking on his part, Leigh bumps into someone wearing a black coat, with their face obscured by the hood.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!

''{Leigh takes a gander at who they are. They definitely don't look to be from around the part of Townindale that's familiar to the Drow.}''

'''????????:''' I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...

''{The hooded man looks lost in thought, much to Leigh's confusion.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean ''Townindale'', right?

''{The hooded man looks taken aback by Leigh's correction.}''

'''????????:''' Look, I've had a long day...

''{This hooded man then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves and confuses Leigh. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly this guy said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath both parties reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You did ''not'' need to tell me all of that. At all.

''{Leigh sighs, in exasperation.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord, apparently. If you don’t mind, I should get moving.

''{Leigh walks towards the wig shoppe, which is not far off from where he was. The hooded man walks offscreen, in search of a trolley. As soon as Leigh enters the wig shoppe, the scene fast-forwards to him exiting it, with a look of horror upon his face.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet ''that'' will be a conversation I look forward to remembering in the back of my mind... yeesh.

''{Leigh walks along the sidewalk. He takes out his cellphone, from his pocket, and goes over his contacts list, which is sparse: Maddie, Ned, Santa Claus.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Odd that I still have Santa's name on my list... ''{sighs}'' I should really get to know more people.

''{Leigh presses the button, pulling up Maddie's information. He uses a shortcut to input Maddie's number, and attempts to call it.}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

''{Leigh ends up unable to reach Maddie, deciding to hang up and not leave a voicemail.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Well, that was an idea I hope didn't incite any ill will between us.

''{Leigh considers going through Ned's contact information, his button hovering over Ned's number.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I already called him a bunch of times, and I know how busy he gets with work...

''{Leigh ruminates, while eventually going back to his contact list without having called Ned.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I'd rather not jinx myself. Every other time I've called him, I've done it prematurely. I'd rather wait until it's been longer than a week.

''{Leigh doesn't bother going over Santa's contact information, instead putting his phone back in his pocket.}''

''{Cut to a black screen with the words "Later that evening..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You sure this is the best bar in town?

''{Fade in to reveal Leigh and Jules in front of a bar called "The Angry Bull," in the midst of Downtownindale.}''

'''JULES:''' Hell yeah, it is!

''{Leigh and Jules open the front doors, entering the bar.}''

'''JULES:''' Sometimes you want to go to a bar where everyone knows your name, know what I'm saying?

''{Leigh and Jules enter the bar, the inside is a very well maintained tavern with a respectable amount of patrons with a few spaces open at the bar. Jules goes out of his way to make his entrance dynamic, but finds that nobody immediately takes notice.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{giggles}'' So much for "everyone knows your name..."

''{Both Leigh and Jules see what occupies the minds of the patrons in the bar - a hooded man, familiar to at least Leigh, dancing and singing through the karaoke machine.}''

'''JULES:''' Oy, get a load of this motherfuckin' mad lad! He's gone and taken the spotlight from me!

''{Cut to the hooded man's dancing and singing, for a few seconds. It appears to be done rather skillfully. Then, cut back to Leigh and Jules.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Um, Jules-

''{As soon as Jules' name is said, everyone inside the Angry Bull temporarily diverts their attention to him and Leigh. A tall Minotaur greets them.}''

'''BRUNO:''' Oh, hey, Jules! Good to see you made it!

'''JULES:''' First of all, what's going on here? Second of all, who's this assclown?

'''BRUNO:''' Cut him some slack, he's just some nerd! He came in, and wanted to play with the karaoke machine. We told him if he got the high score for a particular song he seemed especially interested in, that he'd permanently get drinks for free here.

''{A Gnome Bartender - Gus - waves at Jules and Leigh. All the while, everyone else redirects their attention back to the hooded nerd.}''

'''GUS:''' It's true!

''{Jules and Leigh go over to Gus, and take their respective seats at the bar. The karaoke distraction doesn't last much longer; the screen can be seen from here, to show that the hooded dancer did not achieve his goals. Said hooded dancer looks crestfallen, despite the fact he came extremely close to beating the high score. Bruno can be seen escorting him out.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute - that's the same guy who ranted at me in Deep Speech!

'''JULES:''' Deep Speech? Isn't that what Drow speak?

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably just some guy who shares my same appreciation for Drow.

''{Jules shrugs.}''

'''JULES:''' I don't think it matters all that much, in the grand scheme of things. People come, people go. I'm not even sure I want to- hang on, hang on.

''{Jules gets out a megaphone.}''

'''JULES:''' ATTENTION EVERYONE! WHO'S UP FOR FREE DRINKS FROM JULES TONIGHT?! LIMITED TIME OFFER!

''{The crowd circles around Jules and Leigh, much to the latter's horror.}''

'''GUS:''' Hey, you're another new guy, right?

''{Gus pokes at Leigh.}''

'''GUS:''' What'll it be?

''{Jules puts his megaphone away.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Uhm... maybe a hard lemonade?

''{As the crowd heads to the front of the bar, other Gnome bartenders begin coming out of the woodwork. Multiple drinks are being served to different people, in such a way that Leigh can't keep track of everyone else around him and Jules. Gus gives Leigh a shot glass, and pours from a bottle of hard lemonade.}''

'''GUS:''' Here ya go!

''{Leigh gets out his wallet, as if to pay for the drink. A butterfly falls out of it.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Awkward.

'''GUS:''' I assume this is going on Jules' tab, then?

'''JULES:''' Hell, yeah! Bottom's up, Leigh!

''{Leigh sips his hard lemonade nervously, as Gus moves on to help other patrons.}''

''{He starts to realize that today has been a good day all things considered and begins to smile as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpE4T8PhYM0 "Thank You For Being A Friend" as performed by Cynthia Fee] starts playing in the background. Leigh takes notice and looks to find the song is coming from Golden Girls pinball machine in a corner. He gets up and starts singing along as he walks up to it. All other sounds fade.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{singing}'' And if you threw a party 
Invited everyone you knew 
You would see the biggest gift would be from me 
And the card attatched would say "Thank you for being a friend" 

''{He puts a couple of quarters into the machine, starts the game, and launches the ball. The ball falls straight into the left drain.}''

'''MACHINE:''' ''{Sophia's voice}'' Don't move.

''{The ball launches again and falls down the center drain immediately instead. The Game Over sound plays.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh for the love of- It was only one ball!

''{Leigh checks his pockets.}''

'''JULES:''' Ran out of quarters?

'''LEIGH:''' I think so. Frickin' rip off, anyway.

'''JULES:''' I just noticed you like Golden Girls. Fave show?

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah. It's been a childhood staple of mine.

''{Leigh looks at Jules, whose outfit is more disheveled. The Drow is suddenly taken aback.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wh-

'''JULES:''' Relax, relax. This happens ''allllllll'' of the time!

''{Jules stumbles closer to Leigh.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I think I had an important call to make-

''{Leigh darts over to the mens' restroom.}''

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' What's the matter?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have...

''{Jules enters the restroom.}''

'''JULES:''' Severe anxiety issues nobody else picks up on? I should've noticed sooner; a ''lot'' sooner!

''{Leigh blinks. Words escape him.}''

'''JULES:''' Y'know, now that I think about it, you and Aunty have an awful lot in common.

''{Leigh looks unnerved, and slightly .}''

'''JULES:''' I don't mean it in a ''bad'' way. It's just somethin' I personally noticed. You're both badass people who have trouble with regular everyday things, but still get by based entirely on how badass you are. It's actually inspiring. You inspire me, Leigh. I think I love you.

''{Leigh nods slowly.}''

'''JULES:''' Question now is, are we still cool?

'''LEIGH:''' I... I think so!

'''JULES:''' Alright. I'm gonna letcha have some ''{hic}'' time to yourself. It only serves right that I do that. Once you're ready... we can go back to your place.

''{Jules exits offscreen. For a few seconds, Leigh takes some deep breaths. The shot shows him opening the door to go back to the main part of the bar, but fades to black thereafter. End episode.}''

Wikihood/characters/NuNox

2018-10-31T17:37:58Z

Remolay: Reverted edits by Remolay (talk) to last revision by Noxigar

==Basic Info==
'''Dr. Garfield Wiggins''' is a scientist who works as a geneticist at the Townindale division of NoxCorp. A prodigy of the sciences, Garfield was pushed into his field as a child, excelling beyond the capabilities of his fellow classmates at school. While his peers were graduating third grade, Garfield had already completed his bachelor's degree in biochemistry. While they were beginning middle school, Garfield had already achieved both his M.Sc and Ph.D degrees. And while they were graduating high school, Garfield had already won his first Nobel Prize.

This genius and success had its drawback, however. While the less gifted children had fun on the playground, Garfield was often studying, with no time to make friends and interact with others. As a result, his social growth was stunted, and he was left isolated from everyone around him, save for a scant few. As an end result of this isolation, Garfield primarily lives a solitary life. An aficionado of magical items, Garfield's main hobby is the collection of miscellaneous items of value, which he pays for with his high salary at NoxCorp. When he isn't looking for new things to purchase, he is often performing experimentations with chemicals.

He has enough money to buy a decently-sized castle; but, in doing so, he might accidentally miss that auction on that very special pair of Rocky Balboa boxing gloves.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: Dr. Garfield Wiggins
*Gender: Male
*Age: 23, but looks 30 due to lack of self-maintenance
*Birth Date: August 2
*Birth Place: Boston, Massachusetts
*Currently Living In: Townindale, Republic Island, USA
*Species: Human
*Ethnicity / Race: Anglo-Saxon/Cuban
*Citizenship: America, Cuba
*Religion / Beliefs: Roman Catholic
*Height: 6'2''
*Build: Skinny
*Eyes: Brown
*Skin Color: Light Olive
*Hair Color: Light Brown

== Theme Song ==
{{YouTube|4o2sA0vpA-4}}

'''Pink Floyd''' - Interstellar Overdrive

Wikihood/characters/NuNox

2018-10-31T17:37:21Z

Remolay: Reverted edits by Noxigar (talk) to last revision by Tyrannosaurus Lex

==Basic Info==
'''Dr. Garfield Wiggins''' is a scientist who works as a geneticist at the Townindale division of NoxCorp. A prodigy of the sciences, Garfield was pushed into his field as a child, excelling beyond the capabilities of his fellow classmates at school. While his peers were graduating third grade, Garfield had already completed his bachelor's degree in biochemistry. While they were beginning middle school, Garfield had already achieved both his M.Sc and Ph.D degrees. And while they were graduating high school, Garfield had already won his first Nobel Prize.

This genius and success had its drawback, however. While the less gifted children had fun on the playground, Garfield was often studying, with no time to make friends and interact with others. As a result, his social growth was stunted, and he was left isolated from everyone around him. With Lex and Chaos as his only friends, Garfield lives a solitary life. An aficionado of classic cinema, Garfield's main hobby is the collection of movie props, which he pays for with his high salary at NoxCorp. When he isn't looking for new props to purchase, he is often performing experimentations with chemicals.

He has enough money to buy a decently-sized house with a pool, but in doing so, he might accidentally miss that auction on that very special pair of Rocky Balboa boxing gloves.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: Dr. Garfield Wiggins
*Gender: Male
*Age: 23, but looks 30 due to lack of self-maintenance
*Birth Date: August 2
*Birth Place: Miami, Florida
*Currently Living In: Townindale, Republic Island, USA
*Species: Human
*Ethnicity / Race: Anglo-Saxon/Cuban
*Citizenship: America, Cuba
*Religion / Beliefs: Roman Catholic
*Height: 6'2''
*Build: Skinny
*Eyes: Brown
*Skin Color: Light Olive
*Hair Color: Light Brown

== Theme Song ==
{{YouTube|4o2sA0vpA-4}}

'''Pink Floyd''' - Interstellar Overdrive

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-10-31T16:57:30Z

Remolay: Reverted edits by Remolay (talk) to last revision by Noxigar

==Summary==
Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!

==Transcript==
''{Open on a cellphone ringing with a midi rendition of the "No More Brothers" remix of "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury. Leigh wakes up with a quick yelp and answers the phone. He has a full head of glorious silver hair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You've reached the house of the... Screw it I can't be arsed. Hello?

'''NED:''' ''{Through phone}'' 'Lay? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

'''LEIGH:''' You definitely heard right. I was in a plane hijacking, but that was evidently not enough to reschedule the interview.

''{Cut to Ned, setting up A DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his high rise apartment.}''

'''NED:''' Wait, that means... ah, shit. You alright, bro?

''{Cut to Leigh sitting in his bed a close-up on his face}''

'''LEIGH:''' Uh, yeah... um... No. I'm not; I'm stuck in Townindale, in the back of a wig maker's shop. Job hunt's not going well.

'''NED:''' Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie. right?

''{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed, which is just an old mattress in a nearly empty room.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, about that. You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues? Well she uh... She finally got sick of it and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

'''NED:''' ''{sighs}'' Look, I'll help you out a bit. I'm sending you some money; use it to get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

''{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine}''

'''NED:''' Maybe you don't, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud!

''{Ned presses the start button, the machine yells "DDRMAX!"}''

'''LEIGH:''' Alright... Thanks, brother.

''{Fade to black. The song [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg78BgLeQWc "Loser" by Beck] begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip - his resume. A guy with a boombox walks by and Loser begins to fade out. Leigh looks at the Boombox guy funny, and walks off to a tailor. Cut to him entering the tailor's shop; he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, who is wearing a snazzy vest and sunglasses.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow! It's not often I run into another one in this town... How may I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken. I am a Human.

'''TAILOR:''' ...with pointy ears?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''TAILOR:''' And dark, violet skin? And white eyebrows?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have a condition.

''{The tailor appears perplexed by Leigh's words, for a couple of seconds. His expression then turns into one of disappointment.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Aw... Anyway, how can I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm new to this town, and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hire-able.

''{The tailor furrows his brow, then smiles.}''

'''TAILOR:''' I know exactly what to put you in!

''{Cut to Leigh leaving the Tailor's in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring, and he picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background, while Ned sounds out of breath.}''

'''NED:''' You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' That was, like, an hour ago.

'''NED:''' Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association, one of the most illustrious companies in the city!

'''LEIGH:''' Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that?

'''NED:''' I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine during a conference. Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. I don't know what to say.

'''NED:''' You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes. She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

'''LEIGH:''' Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

'''NED:''' Sure you do. Look at the horizon. You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia?

''{Leigh looks behind him, in the distance to see the building is far away. It sticks out in its obviousness, as shown by the dark cloud that looms over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah.

'''NED:''' Good. That one. Top floor. Now ''hurry!''

''{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a familiar kid wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid and pulls a deck of cards from his front pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

'''KID:''' No way! I already own all the best cards!

''{Leigh shifts through the deck and pulls out a single card that he shows to the kid.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet you don't have a holographic Dorothy Zbornak attack card, 1994 limited edition, signed by Bea Arthur herself.

''{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}''

'''KID:''' Hoooo-lyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

''{Cut to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting in between cars as he rushes to the evil building. He grumbles to himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I gave away my best card for this job. It better be worth it!

''{Leigh turns the corner and run into Lex and Chaos, crashing into Chaos and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground and drops his Resume. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates Leigh, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, Leigh looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The Drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

''{Cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, Mr. More, I must admit your resume is not impressive.

''{Cut to the meeting room where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh, whose suit has gotten dirtied from more falls. Jacqueline flips through his resume, which has become moderately crumpled}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took that one out.

'''JACQUELINE:''' It's preposterous! Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

'''LEIGH:''' Oh no, I ''did'' work for Santa Claus. Pretended to be an elf for a good two years. Poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

''{Jacqueline puts his resume down and appears to have completely checked out, already deciding that Leigh is not getting the job.}''

'''LEIGH:''' So, this is going to be awkward, but... Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

'''JACQUELINE:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' Lawyers, am I right?

'''LEIGH:''' He's my brother.

''{Jacqueline looks Leigh up and down. She decides to forget about it and move on.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Of course, why wouldn't he be...? Very well; next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

'''LEIGH:''' Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

''{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling and gives a loud sigh. She gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh, whose smile does not drop. Cut to her getting a drink of water when Jules appears from nowhere}''

'''JULES:''' Yo, Aunty!

''{Jacqueline yelps and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise, and turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

'''JULES:''' Yeah, sorry 'bout that, Aunty. Hey that Elf-

'''JACQUELINE:''' He insists he's a Human. I'm not sure why.

'''JULES:''' That ''Human'' who came in to interview, his name ain't Leigh, is it?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Do you happen to know him from somewhere?

'''JULES:''' Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

'''JACQUELINE:''' How long ago was that?

'''JULES:''' Yesterday.

''{Jacqueline pauses to think.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' He did not ''look'' to be recently shot...

'''JULES:''' Yeah, no yeah. But he was gonna. Pushed me out of the way. Lucky he didn't get hit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' And you're telling me this, why?

'''JULES:''' You gotta hire him, aunty. I owe him a favor after that shit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' I don't know if that's the wisest choice, for you see... he has no qualifications.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, but I'd be ''dead'' without him!

''{Jacqueline sighs.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I think I can arrange something. No promises.

''{Cut back to the meeting room, Leigh's smile unending. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a bottle of wine and a few sheets of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' You've got the job, More.

''{Leigh's smile fades and he starts the stand up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

''{Leigh falls to the floor as he is still wearing rollerskates.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Just as a head's up, rollerskates are not appropriate attire for a professional interview.

''{He lifts his head up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' I was recently informed that you saved my idiot nephew's life, and I can see that you're frazzled, likely as a result. So, yes. You got the job.

''{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand..}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this Ms. Rosenberg!

''{Jacqueline shakes Leigh's hand more firmly, in response.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I highly doubt that.

'''LEIGH:''' By the way, just what exactly ''is'' my job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Telemarketer. To let you know, you start tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these forms...

''{Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, and sits down.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Come back with them tomorrow.

'''LEIGH:''' Once again, I thank you for the position! You won't regret this, I swear it!

''{Leigh runs out the door, papers in tow. After he leaves, Jacqueline takes out a bottle of wine and begins chugging from it. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I have a job!

''{He slows down, as a realization hits him.}''

'''LEIGH:''' But I'm out a Dorothy card. Darn...

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

''{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}''

'''JULES:''' What is up, my "Drotha?"

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you h-... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

'''JULES:''' Oh shit fam, was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin', I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

'''LEIGH:''' No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken, I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a Human.

''{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}''

'''JULES:''' Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit, man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-

''{Leigh takes a few seconds to process what had happened.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, is Ms. Rosenberg your aunt?

'''JULES:''' You betcha, fam!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh wow. So I guess I should thank ''you'' for getting me the job!

'''JULES:''' Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

''{Rewind to a familiar plane scene. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

''{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

''{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}''

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

'''LEIGH:''' I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

''{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard as somebody begins to engage Mr. Davies.}''

'''JULES:''' Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

'''JULES:''' You think you and your lil' buddies can just waltz on up and hijack my plane, huh?

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones.}''

''{Cut back. Mr. Davies points the gun at Jules.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

''{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, sir; I just need a little bit of air!

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, wait! You're going to get yourself killed!

''{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way in doing so. At the same time, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him, revealing that the bullet was a blank.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Oi, that's a blank!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Of course it is! I wasn't going to fire an actual gun on an airplane! I just expected you all to comply!

'''LEIGH:''' GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

''{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces, propelling him forward, where his fist hits Mr. Davies in the face, knocking him out in one hit. He rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead. He is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}''

'''HIJACKER:''' Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

'''LEIGH:''' SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM.

'''HIJACKER:''' Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

''{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second as punching sounds are heard. After the screen is back, the two hijackers are out stone-cold on the ground. He rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror, before proceeding to throw up in the toilet. After regaining his composure, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}''

'''MADELYN:''' What the hell did you just do?!

'''JULES:''' That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}''

'''FRANK:''' Wait-wait-what?!

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''JULES:''' How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

'''LEIGH:''' I uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

''{Jules laughs}''

'''JULES:''' Shit man, if that was panic... you gotta panic more often. Hey uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You my aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

'''LEIGH:''' Telemarketing. Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

'''JULES:''' Fuck, that's boring. I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

'''LEIGH:''' Please don't.

'''JULES:''' Nah, I gotta do it. A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me.

'''LEIGH:''' I'd really rather prove I can hold a job before anything else is lined up at my doorstep.

'''JULES:''' Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

''{Jules slaps Leighs back, a little harder than he intended.}''

'''JULES:''' Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

'''LEIGH:''' We do?

'''JULES:''' New job, motherfucker. I'm takin' you to the best bar in town!

'''LEIGH:''' You're the reason I have the job in the first place. And besides that, I've only got money for rent. And it's like noon.

'''JULES:''' You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat. Well, the time thing matters. I'll come get ya around 6:00. Where you live?

''{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now, and calms down a bit.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You know that wig shop on Third?

'''JULES:''' The one that just announced they were using Elf hair?

''{Leigh drops his face entirely.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{Under his breath}'' That motherfucker... ''{Normal volume}'' Yeah, that's the one. I live in the back of it!

'''JULES:''' Cool, see ya at 6:00!

''{Jules and Leigh split ways, for a moment. After a bit of walking on his part, Leigh bumps into someone wearing a black coat, with their face obscured by the hood.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!

''{Leigh takes a gander at who they are. They definitely don't look to be from around the part of Townindale that's familiar to the Drow.}''

'''????????:''' I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...

''{The hooded man looks lost in thought, much to Leigh's confusion.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean ''Townindale'', right?

''{The hooded man looks taken aback by Leigh's correction.}''

'''????????:''' Look, I've had a long day...

''{This hooded man then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves and confuses Leigh. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly this guy said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath both parties reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You did ''not'' need to tell me all of that. At all.

''{Leigh sighs, in exasperation.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord apparently. If you don’t mind, I should get moving.

''{Leigh walks towards the wig shoppe, which is not far off from where he was. The hooded man walks offscreen, in search of a trolley.}''

''{Cut to a black screen with the words "Later that evening..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You sure this is the best bar in town?

''{Fade in to reveal Leigh and Jules in front of a bar called "The Angry Bull," which looks run down from the outside}''

'''JULES:''' Hell yeah, it is! Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, know what I'm saying?

''{Leigh and Jules enter the bar, the inside is a very well maintained tavern with a respectable amount of patrons with a few spaces open at the bar. Several Gnomes are running the place. Leigh is stunned. That patrons instantly take notice of Jules entering the bar.}''

'''EVERYONE:''' JULES!

'''JULES:''' Next round's on me boys! My man Laid-More just got a new job and we celebrating tonight!

''{Everyone cheers as Jules and Leigh take their seats at the bar. A few gnomes jump around serving everyone their drinks. Leigh sips his drink nervously. He starts to realize that today has been a good day all things considered and begins to smile as a chiptune version of "Thank you for being a friend" starts playing in the background. Leigh takes notice and looks to find a Golden Girls pinball machine in a corner. He gets up and starts singing along to the point where the chiptune is as he walks up to it. All other sounds fade.}''

'''LEIGH:''' And if you threw a party 
Invited everyone you knew 
You would see the biggest gift would be from me 
And the card attatched would say "Thank you for being a friend" 

''{He puts a couple of quarters into the machine, starts the game, and launches the ball. The ball falls straight into the left drain.}''

'''MACHINE:''' ''{Sophia's voice}'' Don't move.

''{The ball launches again and falls down the center drain immediately instead. The Game Over sound plays.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh for the love of- It was only one ball!

''{Leigh checks his pockets.}''

'''JULES:''' Ran out of quarters?

'''LEIGH:''' I think so. Frickin' rip off anyway.

'''JULES:''' I just noticed you like Golden Girls. Fave show?

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah. It's been a childhood staple of mine.

''{Leigh looks at Jules, whose outfit is more disheveled. The Drow is suddenly taken aback.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wh-

'''JULES:''' Relax, relax. This happens ''allllllll'' of the time!

''{Jules stumbles closer to Leigh.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I think I had an important call to make-

''{Leigh darts over to the mens' restroom. He attempts to dial Madelyn's number.}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

''{Leigh ends up unable to reach Maddie, deciding to hang up and not leave a voicemail.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Crap.

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' What's the matter?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have...

''{Jules enters the restroom.}''

'''JULES:''' Severe anxiety issues nobody else picks up on? I should've picked up on it sooner!

''{Leigh blinks.}''

'''LEIGH:''' How are you so understanding-

'''JULES:''' Aunty gets the same way. You and her have that in common, I guess.

''{Leigh looks unnerved.}''

'''JULES:''' I don't mean it in a ''bad'' way.

''{Leigh nods slowly.}''

'''JULES:''' You're a good lad. Question now is, are we still cool?

'''LEIGH:''' I... I think so!

'''JULES:''' Alright. I'm gonna letcha have some ''{hic}'' time to yourself. It only serves right that I do that. Once you're ready... we can go back to your place.

''{Jules exits offscreen. For a few seconds, Leigh takes some deep breaths. The shot shows him opening the door to go back to the main part of the bar, but fades to black thereafter. End episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-10-31T16:57:19Z

Remolay: Reverted edits by Noxigar (talk) to last revision by Remolay

==Summary==
Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

==Transcript==
''{Open on a cellphone ringing with a midi rendition of the "No More Brothers" remix of "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury. It sounds awful. Leigh wakes up with a quick yelp and answers the phone. He has a full head of hair of glorious silver hair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You've reached the house of the... Screw it I can't be arsed. Hello?

'''NED:''' ''{Through phone}'' Remo? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

''{Cut to Ned, setting up A DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his high rise apartment.}''

'''NED:''' You alright, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' Uh... Yeah, I'm...

''{Cut to Leigh sitting in his bed a close-up on his face}''

'''LEIGH:''' No... No I'm stuck in Townindale, I got fired for not showing up on the first day even though I was IN A PLANE HIJACKING! And I'm living in back of a wig maker's shop. Job hunt's not going well.

'''NED:''' Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie. right?

''{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed, which is just an old mattress in a nearly empty room}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, about that. You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues... Well she uh... She finally got sick of it and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

'''NED:''' ''{sighs}'' Look, I'll help you out a bit. Check your bank account, get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

''{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine}''

'''NED:''' You don't deserve it, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud.

''{Ned presses the start button, the machine yells "DDRMAX!"}''

'''LEIGH:''' Alright... Thanks brother.

''{fade to black. The song "Loser" by Beck begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the Riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, Bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip, presumably his Resume. A guy with a boombox walks by and Loser beings to fade out. Leigh looks at the boombox guy funny, and walks off to a tailor. Cut to him entering the tailor's shop, where he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, wearing a snazzy vest and glasses.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow. It's not often I run into another one in this town! How may I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken. I am a human.

'''TAILOR:''' With pointy ears?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''TAILOR:''' And dark, bluish-purple skin? And white eyebrows?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have a condition.

''{The tailor looks perplexed for a couple of seconds before his expression turns into one of disappointment.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Right. Anyway, how can I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm new to this town and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hirable.

''{The tailor furrows his brow.}''

'''TAILOR:''' I know exactly what to put you in.

''{Cut to Leigh leaving the tailor's in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring. He picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background while Ned sounds out of breath.}''

'''NED:''' You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' That was like, an hour ago.

'''NED:''' Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with one of the most illustrious companies in the city. You have a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association.

'''LEIGH:''' Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that?

'''NED:''' I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine during a conference. Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. I don't know what to say.

'''NED:''' You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes. She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

'''LEIGH:''' Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

'''NED:''' Sure you do. Look at the horizon. You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia? Yeah. That one. Top floor. Now HURRY.

''{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks into the distance to see that the building is a fair distance away. It sticks out in its obviousness, as shown by the dark cloud that looms over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day. Ned looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a kid (same kid from episode 1) wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid and pulls a deck of cards from his front pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

'''KID:''' No way! I already own all the best cards!

''{Leigh shifts through the deck and pulls out a single card that he shows to the kid.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet you don't have a holographic Dorothy Zbornak attack card, 1994 limited edition, signed by Bea Arthur herself.

''{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}''

'''KID:''' Hoooo-lyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

''{Cut to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting inbetween cars as he rushes to the evil building. He grumbles to himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I gave away my best card for this job. It better be worth it!

''{Leigh turns the corner and run into Lex and Chaos, crashing into Chaos and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground and drops his Resume. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates Leigh, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, Leigh looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-...

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

''{cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, Mr. More, I must admit your resume is not impressive...

''{Cut to the meeting room where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh, whose suit has gotten dirtied from more falls. Jacqueline flipping through his resume, which has become moderately crumpled}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week. So, you've never held a job for over a week.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took that one out.

'''JACQUELINE:''' It is preposterous. Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

'''LEIGH:''' Oh no, I did work for Santa Claus. Pretended to be an elf for a good two years. Poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

''{Jacqueline clearly does not believe him, she puts his resume down and appears to have completely checked out, already deciding that Leigh is not getting the job}''

'''LEIGH:''' So, I'm not going to lie to you, Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

'''JACQUELINE:''' Pfft, Lawyers, am I right?

'''LEIGH:''' He's my brother.

'''JACQUELINE:''' Of course he is. Fine, next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

'''LEIGH:''' Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

''{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling and gives a loud sigh. She gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh, whose smile does not drop. Cut to her getting a drink of water when Jules appears from nowhere}''

'''JULES:''' Yo aunty!

''{Jacqueline yelps and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise, and turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

'''JULES:''' Yeah, sorry aunty. Hey that elf who came in to interview, his name ain't Leigh, is it?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Yeah... Do you know him from somewhere?

'''JULES:''' Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

'''JACQUELINE:''' He didn't look like he'd been shot.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, no yeah. But he was gonna. Pushed me out of the way. Lucky he didn't get hit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' And you're telling me this why?

'''JULES:''' You gotta hire him, aunty. I owe him a favor after that shit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' He has no qualifications.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, but I'd be DEAD without him!

''{Jacqueline sighs}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Fine.

''{Cut back to the meeting room, Leigh's smile unending. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a glass of wine and a few sheets of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' You've got the job, More.

''{Leigh's smile fades and he starts the stand up}''

'''LEIGH:''' I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

''{Leigh falls to the floor as he is still wearing rollerskates. He lifts his head up}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Apparently you saved my idiot nephew's life, so yes. You got the job.

''{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this Ms. Rosenberg!

'''JACQUELINE:''' I highly doubt that.

'''LEIGH:'''By the way, just what is my job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' You're a telemarketer. Congratulations, you start tomorrow, 7 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these-

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much! You won't regret this!

''{Leigh runs out the door. Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, sits down, and gulps down her wine. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I have a job!

''{He slows as a realization hits him}''

'''LEIGH:''' But I'm out a Dorothy card. Darn...

''{A voice is heard offscreen.}''

'''??:''' Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

''{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}''

'''JULES:''' What is up, my "Drotha?"

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you h-... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

'''JULES:''' Oh shit fam, was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin', I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

'''LEIGH:''' No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken, I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a human.

''{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}''

'''JULES:''' Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-.. wait, is Ms. Rosenberg your aunt?

'''JULES:''' You betcha, fam!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh wow. So I guess I should thank you for getting me the job!

'''JULES:''' Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

''{Cut to the scene on the plane from Episode 1. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

''{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

''{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}''

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

'''LEIGH:''' I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

''{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard as somebody begins to engage Mr. Davies.}''

'''JULES:''' Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

'''JULES:''' You think you and your lil' buddies can just waltz on up and hijack my plane, huh?

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones.}''

''{Cut back. Mr. Davies points the gun at Jules.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

''{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me sir, I just need a little bit of air!

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, wait! You're going to get yourself killed!

''{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way in doing so. At the same time, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him, revealing that the bullet was a blank.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Oi, that's a blank!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Of course it is! I wasn't going to fire an actual gun on an airplane! I just expected you all to comply!

'''LEIGH:''' GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

''{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces, propelling him forward, where his fist hits Mr. Davies in the face, knocking him out in one hit. He rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead. He is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}''

'''HIJACKER:''' Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

'''LEIGH:''' SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM.

'''HIJACKER:''' Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

''{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second as punching sounds are heard. After the screen is back, the two hijackers are out-cold on the ground. He rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror, before proceeding to throw up in the toilet. After regaining his composure, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}''

'''MADELYN:''' What the hell did you just do?!

'''JULES:''' That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}''

'''FRANK:''' Waitwaitwhat?!

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''JULES:''' How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

'''LEIGH:''' I uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

''{Jules laughs}''

'''JULES:''' Shit man, if that was panic you gotta panic more often. Hey uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You my aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

'''LEIGH:''' Telemarketing. Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

'''JULES:''' Fuck, that's boring. I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

'''LEIGH:''' Please don't.

'''JULES:''' Nah, I gotta do it. A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me.

'''LEIGH:''' I'd really rather prove I can hold a job before anything else

'''JULES:''' Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

''{Jules slaps Leighs back, a little harder than he intendid}''

'''JULES:''' Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

'''LEIGH:''' We do?

'''JULES:''' New job, motherfucker. I'm takin' you to the best bar in town!

'''LEIGH:''' You're the reason I have the job in the first place. And beside that I've only got money for rent. And it's like noon.

'''JULES:''' You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat. Well, the time thing matters. I'll come get ya around six. Where you live?

''{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now and calms down a bit}''

'''LEIGH:''' You know that wig shop on third?

'''JULES:''' The one that started using elf hair a few days ago?

''{Leigh drops his face entirely and mutters under his breath}''

'''LEIGH:''' That motherfucker... ''{Normal volume}'' Yeah that's the one. I live in back of that.

'''JULES:''' Cool, see ya at 6.

''{Cut to a black screen with the words "Later that evening..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You sure this is the best bar in town?

''{Fade in to reveal Leigh and Jules in front of a bar called "The Angry Bull" It looks run down from the outside}''

'''JULES:''' Hell yeah it is. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, know what I'm saying?

''{Leigh and Jules enter the bar, the inside is a very well maintained tavern with a respectable amount of patrons with a few spaces open at the bar. Several Gnomes are running the place. Leigh is stunned. That patrons instantly take notice of Jules entering the bar.}''

'''EVERYONE:''' JULES!

'''JULES:''' Next round's on me boys! My man Laid-More just got a new job and we celebrating tonight!

''{Everyone cheers as Jules and Leigh take their seats at the bar. A few gnomes jump around serving everyone their drinks. Leigh sips his drink nervously. He starts to realize that today has been a good day all things considered and begins to smile as a chiptune version of "Thank you for being a friend" starts playing in the background. Leigh takes notice and looks to find a Golden Girls pinball machine in a corner. He gets up and starts singing along to the point where the chiptune is as he walks up to it. All other sounds fade.}''

'''LEIGH:''' And if you threw a party 
Invited everyone you knew 
You would see the biggest gift would be from me 
And the card attatched would say "Thank you for being a friend" 

''{He puts a couple of quarters into the machine, starts the game, and launches the ball. The ball falls straight into the left drain.}''

'''MACHINE:''' ''{Sophia's voice}'' Don't move.

''{The ball launches again and falls down the center drain immediately instead. the End of Ball sounds play}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh for the love of-

''{The episode ends}''

Wikihood/eps/9

2018-10-31T03:22:31Z

Remolay:

==Synopsis==
Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The Foo Fighters fell for it!

==Transcript==

''{Open on black as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77R1Wp6Y_5Y Telephone Line by ELO] begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

'''LEIGH:''' Hello, How are you? 
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

''{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything 
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

''{Cut back to the other room as Maddie picks up the phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, how you-

'''MADDIE:''' You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

'''LEIGH:''' Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}''

'''LEIGH:''' I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

'''MADDIE:''' I'm listening...

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

'''MADDIE:''' Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

'''MADDIE:''' 'Lay, you know I love you. If you can actually keep the job, let's say to the end of the month. Then we'll talk about it.

'''LEIGH:''' I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

''{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a Tracy, who has shaved, gotten a haircut, and is now wearing a suit and glasses as a disguise, around the place and how security is set up. Tracy looks at certain areas of the room, noting the locations of the security cameras, adjusting them every time he sees one.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

''{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which let's be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}''

'''LEIGH:''' And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old ‘Lay?

'''MADDIE:''' Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

''{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}''

'''CHAOS:''' If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us.

''{Virgil raises his hand.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Question. Garfield, what in cotton hill are ya wearin'?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's my distraction. I'm to create a stir while simultaneously schmoozing D'Arque.

'''HEADWIZ:''' He'll get D'Arque to reveal details of his life in a heart-to-heart conversation, and I will use those details to access the fundraiser's bank account so I can transfer the digital funds to our side.

'''TRACY:''' I thought you were a hacker. Isn't that just being a con artist?

'''HEADWIZ:''' What do you fuckin' expect? It's not like I can type a bunch of shit on a black screen like it's the fuckin' Matrix and "access the mainframe" like that.

'''TRACY:''' I know, but I was expecting something exciting!

'''HEADWIZ:''' Too fuckin' bad, mate!

''{Lex points to the plans.}''

'''LEX:''' Let's do a quick overview, mates. Headwiz will monitor the entire heist through these lovely thingies.

''{Lex pulls out small headphones.}''

'''LEX:''' With these, we get to talk to each other as we pull this stunt off.

''{Headwiz nods. She pulls out a small remote control and presses a button. A black van rolls into the store from the back.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' I'll be monitoring all you fuckers from the safety of my surveillance truck.

''{Headwiz pulls out a small device and hands it to Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Tracy, as "Mr. Alistair Hawthorne," you'll go into the security room and plug this little bad boy into the computer system, allowin' me complete access over the entire building's security cameras.

''{Tracy nods.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' And of course, you stay there and watch the cameras just to make sure shit doesn't fuck up. The system reboots its security at random intervals, so you have a short period of time to make this shit work.

'''CHAOS:''' And me and Lex will grab the money from the safe room while disguised as security guards. I got Lex to procure us some disguises. Lex, show 'em.

'''LEX:''' I had some trouble findin' good ones, but I did the best with what I got.

''{Lex pulls out two security guard Halloween costumes, along with two fake biker moustaches. Chaos facepalms.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck? Nobody is going to believe us like this!

'''LEX:''' Just wait, mon.

''{Lex turns around, with his back to everyone, then turns back, wearing one of the moustaches. Everybody gasps. Lex looks the exact same, but with the moustache.}''

'''LEX:''' But wait. There's more.

''{Lex pulls out a pair of aviators and puts them on.}''

'''LEX:''' How about now? Do I look like Lex now?

'''HEADWIZ:''' You look like someone's sad uncle who works part-time as a Freddie Mercury impersonator.

'''TRACY:''' I was thinkin' Village People, myself.

''{Chaos groans.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ughh. I guess it's the best we've got. If we stay far enough from everyone, we can probably get away with it. Whatever.

''{Chaos too puts on a pair of sunglasses, along with a fake moustache.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are you all ready, my dudes?

'''GARFIELD:''' Distinguished Guests, we turn this Fundraiser into a Hellraiser!

''{Cut to all six of them walking out of the store in their heist outfits, while the chorus of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SbA7dQCH2c Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne] plays. Headwiz gets into the van, while Chaos, Lex, Tracy, and Garfield all squeeze into a [https://www.coolestcar.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/classic-4-door-muscle-cars-karc-within-25-coolest-4-door-muscle-car-2017.jpg four-door muscle car], with Virgil in the front seat. Zoom out to reveal the distance between the van and the muscle car, as both head towards the Fundraiser. Then, zoom into the Fundraiser to reveal Stephanie sitting down on a table and looking beleaguered.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{sighs}'' Carrying this entire Fundraiser makes me wish food would just get here.

''{Droll shows up to sit next to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Long day?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yeah. I could use a stiff drink.

'''DROLL:''' I prepared my contacts with the Loa for today, in case anything gets hairy.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks. We might need it, honestly. I don't know what Security everyone else is packing, but I want this to go perfectly, for the good of all of Towningdale and San Crystal-balls.

''{Droll raises a brow.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yes, I am putting the entirety of Republic Island on my shoulders.

'''DROLL:''' Your back is going to break.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I care not for that. It's kind of hard to trust D'Arque's sponsors, so when I want something done right...

'''DROLL:''' ...you gotta do it yourself. I understand fully.

''{Droll takes out another teacup and offers it to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Tea?

''{Stephanie nods.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I think I've made tea with scotch in it before...

''{Stephanie takes the teacup and goes to find some scotch to put inside it. Pan over to Xavier D'Arque who is on stage, presenting to a large crowd of important-looking people. Of the faces in the crowd, the Mayor of Townindale is one of them, along with Sarah Khouroushi and Jacqueline and Frank Rosenberg. Dahn is in the corner of the stage, playing funky 60s-style background music.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wow! What an audience! Haha, wow! Thank you all for coming here tonight, you do not know how blessed I am to see you all here. To see all the people who want to make Republic Island a better place, it brings my heart joy, it really does. I see friends, I see family, I see people from all around, and I appreciate them all.

''{Xavier points to his wife, who is sitting at one of the front tables.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And of course, my beautiful wife, Theresa, which none of this would be possible without her! She has been my rock this whole time. I love you, Theresa!

''{The crowd all lets out an "aww" and claps for her.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And yes, this is indeed a fundraiser. However, this is definitely not going to be one of those dull ones, not like the one my opponent, Republican Bill Petrobucks hosted. Who, I also remind you, wants to build a pipeline through our most beautiful and scenic areas, just saying!

''{The screen splits to show the gang at the front of the Rosenberg Building. Garfield walks in through the front doors in his pimp suit, after showing the guards his ticket. Tracy, in his "Alistair Hawthorne" disguise, follows next with his ticket.}''

'''XAVIER:''' For this fundraiser, we chose to do something exotic, as we shall be serving authentic Drow food, prepared by none other than world-renowned chef, Jason Ralston!

''{The crowd cheers. Lex and Chaos, dressed in their security outfits, sneak through the building's garage. Cut to Headwiz in her truck, who is prepping a series of computer monitors and radio equipment.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Man, let me tell you about Drow food. I first had the pleasure of trying it when I was serving one of my terms in South Syllahona. It was a humanitarian mission, and I part of a task force to protect a village of Drow who were under threat from an army of Higher Elves from the North. While living among the Drow, I got to experience their cuisine over the period of six months, and believe me, none of you have lived until you've tasted roast garlic bat and fried yajanana roots.

''{Garfield and Tracy both walk into the event room, while keeping separate from each other.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Mr. Ralston makes great Drow food, that's all I'm saying. And also, we shall be hosting a small auction to raise funds. We're going to have some really cool items, from paintings to sculptures. But of course, all you movie buffs here will be excited to know that tonight we are auctioning off the iconic Battleaxe from the "Battleaxe" action movie trilogy! The same one that Grughor Spinesplitter wielded in all three films while playing Ace Battleaxe. Even better is the fact that you can also meet Ace himself, as he is currently in the audience!

''{Xavier points to an older Orcish gentleman in a suit who is sitting in one of the middle tables with his beautiful human wife and his three beautiful half-orc daughters. The crowd cheers and Grughor Spinesplitter blushes as he waves.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Thank you for your support, Grughor!

''{Garfield speaks into the microphone hidden in his clothing. He sounds excited.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy shit, they're auctioning off Ace Battleaxe's Battleaxe!!! And he's actually here!

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' ''Really,'' Garfield? What's so exciting about that?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Shut the fuck up Chaos, the Battleaxe trilogy is a fucking classic! Especially the third one, "Battleaxe vs. the Martians of the Third Reich!"

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I know. Keep to the mission at hand.

''{Pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I am going to ''win'' that battleaxe.

'''XAVIER:''' I've talked enough for now! I will wrap up my introduction speech by thanking Mr. Danny Moreau, our DJ for this evening. His music can make you move like no other!

''{The crowd cheers as Xavier bows and steps off the stage. The screen split finishes as Garfield and Xavier are in the same shot.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' The prick is right there. I'm of the mind to smack him one right now.

'''LEX:''' ''{Mic}'' Resist, mon! Ya don't wanna blow this thing before it's even begun!

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I'm not going to do it. But I want to. I'll just linger around at first... maybe try some of that Drow food.

''{Garfield goes over to a food table and gathers some of the Drow cuisine, which includes an assortment of vegetables, meats, and fruits. He finds a table near a bar, using the time to see how close he is to either Stephanie or Grughor's family.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've got some time, I may go ahead and make myself an Ichiruki.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' A what?

'''GARFIELD:''' An Ichiruki. I mix some strong vodkas and rums with orange juice and iced tea.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' Cuz, you're weird. Anyone tell you that?

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' I do, all the time.

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' I'd probably give it a much fucking cooler name, but you do you, Garfunkel.

''{Garfield begins mixing the vodkas, rums, orange juice, and iced tea, much to the bartender's confusion. He then drinks his concoction. Time fast-forwards a bit, to reveal that Garfield finished his food and has several empty glasses.}''

'''DAHN:''' The first auction of the D'Arque Senatorial Campaign is about to start in five minutes!

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10jMDAUP-YE Greedy by Ariana Grande] plays, as Garfield gets up to go into the auction. While the song goes on, a montage of Garfield attempting to outbid everyone on every item being auctioned in the Fundraiser happens. Shots of Garfield dancing throughout the auction's sequences of bids are shown throughout. The montage ends with Garfield sitting with himself at the bar, drinking another glass. Leigh comes and sits at the seat next to him. Leigh motions to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' One hard lemonade, please!

''{The bartender grunts and nods before turning back to the bar to prepare the lemonade. Leigh is about to turn to talk to Garfield, but is momentarily distracted by the swivel stool. He is mesmerized as he grabs onto the bar to swivel the stool around before releasing his grip, causing the stool to spin.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wheeeeeeee!

''{Garfield looks at Leigh, who notices him. Suddenly, Leigh's moment of joy becomes embarassment as he struggles to find the words to explain himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I-um- I- oh. I have no explanation.

''{Garfield remains stoic.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Looks fun, actually. I wanna try.

''{Cut to the two spinning around in their stools as everyone else at the bar sits away from them while trying to ignore them. The two stop as they are dazed. Leigh laughs as he picks up his drink.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh man. It's always the simple things.

''{Leigh looks at Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, hey wait a minute I recognize you. You’re that guy who ranted at me in deep speech a couple weeks ago! You look... less annoyed at least. How are you enjoying the fundraiser? Pretty good, isn't it?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's adequete.

'''LEIGH:''' I helped organize it!

''{Leigh pulls out his employee keycard and shows it to Garfield while grinning.}''

'''LEIGH:''' See? I work here! I did this!

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Congrats! I suppose the Drow food was your idea too, huh?

'''LEIGH:''' Surprisingly, no. It was D'Arque's. Not too surprising, as I'm not a Drow, but a human; but I sure love their cuisine!

''{Garfield looks up and down at Leigh and squints as if he has doubts about his ethnicity. He then decides that he's too intoxicated to know and drops it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It is quite extraordinary, yes.

''{Garfield looks at the keycard that is now loosely hanging from Leigh's pocket. Suddenly he is hit with inspiration. He looks around the room and then back at Leigh. He points to a random direction.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy fuck, is that Betty White?

''{Leigh quickly turns his head around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What? Where?!

''{Garfield quickly grabs the keycard and stuffs it into his own pocket before running from his stool, leaving Leigh alone. Leigh turns back to find that Garfield is gone.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Huh. I guess he must be in a hurry.

''{Leigh turns to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Another hard lemonade, please!

''{Cut to Tracy, in his Hawthorne disguise. He is being escorted into the security room by one of the guards.}''

'''TRACY:''' I 'ope I'm not bein' too much of an inconvenience. You just need to understand that a man of my caliber needs to keep my eyes open. An event like this... there could be trouble.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I understand entirely, sir. But don't you worry, we have our guys all around here. Security couldn't be any tighter.

''{The screen splits to show Chaos and Lex in their security guard disguises in the utility elevator with two large duffel bags each. The elevator reaches the event room floor, and the two leave through the doors. In the security room, Tracy is making small talk with the guard, who isn't paying any attention to the monitors. Tracy leans on the machine, covertly plugging the device into one of its slots.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I plan on being one of those rich folks one day. I'm gonna win the lottery, and when I do, I'm totally retiring at the Bahamas. Gotta get me a nice beachfront home, a elven honey, gonna raise a large family, and spend my days in a hammock while getting tipsy on some dwarven cocktails.

'''TRACY:''' Ah, yes. I own three houses in the Bahamas. It is quite a grand little place, yes.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Anythin' would be an improvement from my tiny apartment. You know how high rent is in this city? How about $1200 for a one-bedroom with roaches. It ain't fair, I'm tellin' ya.

'''TRACY:''' I would not know, for I am very rich. I live in a mansion.

''{The scene shifts to only that of Chaos and Lex, who get a message from Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{Mic}'' Can one of you get over here quickly? I have a keycard.

''{Lex nods at Chaos and quickly runs to the event room. Cut to Headwiz, who is looking bored out of her mind until the security cam footage appears on the monitors in the van. When she sees it, she excitedly messages Chaos, Lex, and Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Alright, you fuckers, I'm in. Make Mamma Murphy proud!

''{Split screen on Chaos, who is walking down a backroom corridor and trying not to be spotted by any other security guards, and Lex, who covertly sneaks into the event room, where he is greeted by Garfield, who quickly slips him the card. Lex gives Garfield a thumbs-up and rushes back to Chaos.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Can you see which room the treasure's in?

''{Headwiz looks at one of the monitors which shows a large vault room full of money and other riches, such as jewellery and gold bricks. She looks at the map.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' The money should be in Room O-11.

''{Chaos looks at the hallway doors, which are labeled O-3, O-4, O-5, and so on, until he notices O-11 at the very end of the hallway. Headwiz types some commands into her keyboard, placing a loop on the footage in the hallway and vault room. Cut back to Garfield, who is trying to make his way back to the bar before he runs into Xavier D'Arque and Stephanie. Stephanie looks shocked and Xavier smiles and forcibly shakes Garfield's hand. Garfield recoils somewhat.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Whoa, wha-

'''XAVIER:''' I was looking for you! You're the guy who won all of those auctions! Either you have a good taste in movies, or you just really love me. Come here!

''{Xavier aggressively puts his arm around Garfield's shoulder and tosses a small camera to Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Picture, now.

''{Stephanie nods. She remains silent as she takes a few pictures of the two together. Both Stephanie and Garfield look distraught. Xavier maintains his grip around his shoulder as he escorts him to his own table and invites him to sit down.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Gotta say, I ''love'' your outfit! Very unconventional. What designer?

''{Garfield ponders for a quick second.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hakamichi Kurloz.

'''XAVIER:''' Unconventional indeed.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...say, you don't happen to-

''{Cut to Headwiz in the van, listening in on the conversation Garfield and Xavier are having and having her screen show it. She gets out her cellphone, and begins texting Chaos, Lex, Virgil, and Tracy the information. Time fast-forwards to the end of the conversation.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Your curiosity ''is'' as insatiable as I've been told.

''{Xavier winks at Stephanie, who rolls her eyes impatiently. Garfield looks around.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my Tieg... how many Ichiruki glasses did I make...?

''{Garfield attempts to get up. He rifles through his suit, and throws a bouquet of red roses at Stephanie. She catches the roses, and looks at them confusedly.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I got these for you, Stephiroth.

''{Xavier bursts out laughing. Stephanie's eyes smile, but her face remains blank as she hears Xavier's laughter.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks.

''{Garfield turns around, as he "drunkenly" wobbles toward the food tables again. The camera remains on Xavier's laughter and Stephanie's confused look.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wait. Do you two ''know'' each other?

''{Garfield wobbles back, while sweating bullets.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well-...

'''XAVIER:''' Nah, it's unmistakable; the way you two look at each other.

''{Xavier smiles and looks at Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I guess you do have a life after all.

''{Xavier laughs semi-condescendingly as Garfield's fist shakes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It's been a pleasure, but I really ''need to go.''

''{Stephanie raises a brow, then looks down at Garfield's body shaking. A lightbulb appears over her head.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Better idea: Let's go and get you introduced to Grughor!

''{Stephanie escorts Garfield to Grughor's table. Cut to Lex and Chaos, who are in the vault room and have begun scooping up all the money and riches and putting them into the bags.}''

'''LEX:''' Gotta say, I'm impressed at 'ow smooth this is goin'!

'''CHAOS:''' Don't count your chickens yet, Lex. We ain't in the clear until we're outta here. Headwiz, are we still doing good?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' You have a bogey coming in your direction. It looks like a Drow. Ya gotta get rid of him somehow.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, shit. We'll move him on.

''{Chaos and Lex emerge from the vault room, and are greeted by Leigh, who is holding his crotch and awkwardly tiptoeing.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, do you know where the public washroom is? I lost my keycard, and I am really regretting all of those hard lemon-...

''{Leigh notices that the security guard uniforms are clearly fake.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a second.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

'''LEIGH:''' You two aren't real security guards!

'''LEX:''' Shit.

''{Leigh notices the fake moustaches on the two of them.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You look like the Village People!

'''CHAOS:''' Uh-... yeah! We're part of the entertainment. We're a duo of Village People impersonators!

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I'll be damned. But why were you in the vault room?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Guys, you need to get rid of him. Do SOMETHING.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh. We.. um... wanted a space for rehearsal.

''{Chaos awkwardly starts singing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Macho, Macho, Mannnnn. I wanna be, a Macho Man!

''{Chaos does a little dance, but Leigh still looks suspicious. Suddenly, Lex punches Leigh in the face, knocking him out instantly. Cut to Headwiz, watching the chaos unfold from her van.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck, man! I had that under control!

'''LEX:''' HE WAS GON' RAT ON US, MON. HEADWIZ SAID WE NEEDED T'GET RID OF HIM!

'''CHAOS:''' I was gonna cast a fucking charm spell on him, you dunce!

'''LEX:''' Bitch, ya dropped outta magic school, how the hell are ya gonna cast a charm?

'''CHAOS:''' It's a first grade spell, you asshole! I could have done it!

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CARRY ON DOING IT BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE COMES.

'''LEX AND CHAOS:''' Okay, okay!

''{Lex drags Leigh's body into the vault room, and they carry on loading the bags. Cut to Tracy, who is still smoothtalking the security guard. The monitors show Headwiz's looped footage, but they begin to flicker, showing short bits of the real scene. Tracy begins to panic and attempts to distract the guard.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you know what the real secret to being rich is? It's... um... breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Really? I tend ta skip breakfast. Not enough time in the beginnin' of the day, y'know?

''{The screen begins to flicker some more. Tracy quickly shoots Headwiz a text on his phone, reading "device is failing tell them to HURRY." Cut to Headwiz, who sees her phone and panickedly presses different keys.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Fuck fuck fuck, LEX! CHAOS! You almost done?!

''{Cut to Chaos and Lex in the room which has now been completely emptied, except for Leigh's unconscious body and six large gym bags which are stuffed full. The two pick up three bags each and sling them on their bodies, struggling from the weight. Chaos talks into his mic.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We're done. Let's get outta here.

''{The two being to shuffle outside of the vault room, but Lex looks back at Leigh.}''

'''LEX:''' 'Ey. We need to do something about 'im. Don't wanna pin this thing on him.

'''CHAOS:''' That's true. Stuff him in the toilets. They'll think he got drunk and passed out.

''{Lex nods.}''

'''LEX:''' Right, mon!

''{Cut to Garfield, who is carousing with Grughor and genuinely enjoying himself.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I'm surprised you know about that film! It was only released in Europe, as far as I can tell!

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm a big fan! Of course, I would know about "Kobra Kommandos!"

'''GRUGHOR:''' Despite the bad press it got, I really enjoyed being in that film. Behind the scenes was an absolute thrill. Vin Diesel taught me about this thing called LARP'ing, you' ever heard of that?

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh yes! My LARPsona is "Noxigar Bellinski." I do it sometimes with my friends, Lex and Volkov.

''{Grughor laughs, before giving Garfield his business card.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' If you're ever in Hollywood, you should contact me. I'm always up for a LARP-fest.

'''GARFIELD:''' I would love that, thank you so much.

''{Garfield gets the message from Chaos.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It was lovely talking to you, but I really need to go now. I... um... left the oven on?

''{Grughor stands up.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I've yet to give ya the battleaxe and my autograph! Hold on.

''{Cut to Tracy, who gets the message as soon as Headwiz's device shuts down, revealing the real security camera footage. He gets the message from Chaos too.}''

'''TRACY:''' You know what. I think I feel secure enough about my treasure that I should really be going!

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Huh? But I haven't even gave ya the recipe for my gramma's tamales!

''{Tracy suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke, confusing the security guard who turns around to look at the monitor and freaks out.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' HOLY SHIT!

''{The guard grabs his mic and talks into it.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM, I REPEAT; THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM!

''{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, who is in Jacqueline Rosenberg's office.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' What, exactly, do you plan on doing once you are elected? You better not raise my taxes.

'''XAVIER:''' My dear, I would do no such thing! I understand the importance of business more than anyone. You and I will gain a lot from this deal, I assure you.

''{Xavier and Jacqueline both get the message from the security guard. They immediately stand up. Jacqueline yells into the mic.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' WHAT?! What the hell is wrong with you? How did you let this happen?

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' ''{Mic}'' I don't know, Boss! It was there one second, and gone the other! I don't know-

''{Jacqueline switches her communication device off. Xavier looks furious.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Some fucking punks think they can get away with ''my'' money, huh? Not on my fucking watch!

''{The two bolt out of the office. Cut to Chaos and Lex, who have reached the elevator while breathing heavily from the weight. As the doors begin to close, they can see a group of security guards who are looking around. One spots the two as the doors finally close, and they begin to run down the stairs. Cut to Tracy, who is now in the main event room, and is shifting through the crowd of unaware people as he makes his way out. In the background, Garfield can be seen onstage with Grughor, getting his picture taken and being presented with the battleaxe, along with his other items. Cut back to Chaos and Lex, who are now in the parking lot and running towards Virgil's car. The group of security guards catch up to them as Virgil opens the car door.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Guys, get in and let's go!

''{The security guards begin to open fire as Chaos climbs into the car on one side, and Lex jumps through the open window on the other side.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Hold on to ya britches folks, and try not to piss in 'em!

''{Virgil slams the brakes. Cut to Headwiz's van, which is parked in an alleyway within distance of the Rosenberg building. Tracy climbs in through the back. It is revealed that Headwiz is catching the security guards confront Chaos and Lex on the monitors.}''

'''TRACY:''' Hey, where's Garf?

'''HEADWIZ:''' I dunno, he should be here already! I gave him the notice!

''{She looks at another monitor and sees Garfield on-stage.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Oh, Jesus Christ!

''{Headwiz yells into the mic.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' GARFIELD, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE, WE NEED TO GO, NOW!

''{Cut to Virgil, who is speeding the car out of the parking lot as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoMYOzX71Mw banjo music] begins to play. Cut back to Headwiz's van. Garfield climbs in from the back, carrying a multitude of items.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Sorry I'm late, guys. I got caught up in-

'''HEADWIZ:''' Shut the fuck up, and let's go!!!

''{Cut to the perspective of Headwiz's truck as Virgil's car speeds by it, followed by three security vans. Headwiz pulls the van out and begins driving. Cut back to the perspective of Virgil's car, with Chaos and Lex in the backseat while being crushed by the bags of money and riches. The car speeds through the streets of Townindale while being pursued by the three security vans. Chaos looks at the rearview mirror and sees them getting closer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Shit, man! Can this thing go any faster?

'''VIRGIL:''' Y'all tell me.

''{Virgil shifts the gear stick and presses even harder on the pedal. Virgil erratically steers the car through the streets as he is being pursued, paying no regard to signs or other cars. Chaos and Lex are shifting in the backseats which holding the money. As the car moves out of Townindale, Virgil turns the car towards "Nottigan Drive." Lex's eyes widen as Virgil disregards several warning signs.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Virgil... you know where ya goin', right?

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't ya worry 'some. I know what I'm doin'.

''{As the car goes down Nottigan Drive, it becomes clear that the street is still under maintenance. Lex looks even more concerned.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya sure ya know where yer' goin'?

'''VIRGIL:''' I know where we're goin'.

''{Chaos looks at the rearview mirror again. The vans are catching up again.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You better do something; they're gaining on us!

''{The car is out of Townindale entirely as it is now driving in rural outskirts of the city. As it goes further, a sign can be seen in the near distance, labeled "Caution: Open Ravine." This time, Chaos pays attention along with Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Wait, no. No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO! WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE, NO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!

''{Chaos tries to climb forward to take the wheel from Virgil, but is too heavily weighed down by the bags of money. The car speeds into the sign, breaking it entirely, as it speeds onto a long ramp that's on a ravine. The car drives off the ramp and into the air as Chaos and Lex start screaming.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

'''{Slow motion sequence of the bags of money floating inside of the car as it is suspended in the open. Pan over to show the security vans frantically braking as they refuse to also jump the ramp. Suddenly, the car lands on the other side of the ravine, on another road. Chaos is about to throw up. Virgil looks behind and looks at him with a serious look on his face.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't you dare.

''{Chaos swallows the vomit inside his mouth. Both him and Lex look distressed as the banjo music stops. Cut to the Mattress Warehouse. Both Virgil's car and Headwiz's truck have reached it around the same time. All of them jump out of the vehicles as Chaos and Lex take out the bags of money and toss them on the floor. Headwiz, Tracy, and Garfield cheer.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Whoo! You fuckin' go, guys!

'''TRACY:''' That. Was. Awesome!

'''GARFIELD:''' I have to say, I am impressed.

''{Lex and Chaos don't answer. They collapse on the floor from being inside of Virgil's car. Chaos raises his finger while on the floor.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Guys... we did it. We got the goods.

''{Cut back to the interior of the Rosenberg building. The fundraiser is over, and Xavier D'Arque and Jacqueline Rosenberg enter the men's bathroom, to see Leigh, who is flopped over in an toilet stall. As he wakes up, he sees the two faces staring at him with anger. He blinks a few times.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey guys... what's up?

''{End of the Episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/2

2018-10-31T03:04:24Z

Remolay: Revising dialogue of the meeting with Leigh.

== Summary ==

Who's this incorrigible vigilante and why isn't he a Kingdom Hearts OC anymore????????

== Transcript ==

''{Open to a broad scene of Towningdale, that quickly zooms back into the apartment above the pierogi bar. The scene is voiceless, as it showcases a visual recap of what had transpired - Lex and Chaos awoke to breakfast made by Garfield, and pierogis handed out at the last minute by Volkov - who was passing by at the time. After the pierogis are accounted for, Lex and Chaos wave goodbye to Garfield as they close the front door behind them. This leaves the third roommate by his lonesome. He breathes a heavy sigh - an audio tell of the recap being over - as he watches Lex and Chaos take the ice cream truck out of the parking lot from a nearby, a wistful look in his eyes. After a few seconds of looking out the window, he turns around. He hears a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTUq3Ik1GHM faint cellphone ringtone], and heads into his room. On his bed is a cellphone, which he uses to answer the phone.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hello?

'''?????????:''' It's been too long, my friend.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...Stephanie?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Good, you remembered me! I was afraid you wouldn't.

''{An awkward pause occurs, allowing the Wikihood logo to appear and disappear for a few seconds. After the logo is gone, pan to a wanted poster on the wall. On it is Garfield in a short blonde wig, a white dress, and what appears to be an ivory notebook laptop tucked under one of his arms. At the sides of his dress, are two crimson laser-scimitars, and a caption reading "Armed and Dangerous." Below the image, is a cash reward which has been scratched out and faded, as if it had to be updated numerous times in the past.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' To forget you would be something I would prefer ''not'' to do, if I can help it.

''{Cut back to Garfield, who is briefly lying flat on the bed while still contacting Stephanie.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' What have you been up to?

'''GARFIELD:''' NoxCorp has me working from home for most of my shifts. I come in only when an emergency arises, per Xiorno's instructions.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it Xiorno is your boss?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yep!

'''STEPHANIE:''' Good to see that you've been able to work something out with him.

'''GARFIELD:''' It's enabled me to do a teensy bit more to spruce up our apartment. I heard we had a new guest, this Edgymancer who keeps calling himself "Chaos" for some undisclosed reason.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Edgymancer?

'''GARFIELD:''' That's my commando name for him. To put it bluntly, he seems like a surly goth guy. He and Lex go waaaaaaaayyyyyyyy back, at least that's the story I overheard yesterday.

'''STEPHANIE:''' At least he wasn't a secret Bounty Hunter?

'''GARFIELD:''' I guess. One thing I know Chaos has done so far is act haughty towards Lex. Evidently, they were supposed to live in a mansion by now, with a hot car and, I quote, "a super expensive elf servant."

'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it he's not too keen on living things out in the apartment?

'''GARFIELD:''' No.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Have you had a moment to discuss this with Lex?

'''GARFIELD:''' No. The thing about Lex is that his life outside home is... "odd," to say the least. It's hard to read him, most of the time.

''{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, I figured you might've been famished, so I-

''{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}''

'''LEX:''' Eyyy, whazzup mon? It's been a slow day, today!

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, there's nobody here.

'''LEX:''' Those are the best days, my friend.

'''GARFIELD:''' Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?

'''LEX:''' Hmm...

''{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' All I know is that I come here for my eight hours and I get my paycheck in the mail. And honestly? That's good enough for me.

'''GARFIELD:''' I don't suppose I could... call dibs on all these mattresses? Maybe we can sell what we can't store in the garage.

'''LEX:''' You want them, you buy them.

''{Cut back to Garfield on the phone. The screen then splits, showing Stephanie's end of the conversation as well. She is in her own bedroom.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Did you buy any?

''{Zoom out - on Garfield's screen - to reveal his bed being propped up by at least two mattresses.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Of course! I still thought Lex was being conned, so I did some digging and found... that he just has a naturally weird job. Speaking of jobs, what are you up to these days?

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's a long story, that I know I want to tell you. There's this restaurant in The Underground Market of Towningdale. There's probably a discount in there, if you can work your magic.

'''GARFIELD:''' No promises on the magic, but... as you wish.

''{Stephanie and Garfield hang up at the same time. Garfield looks around in his closet, finding a map of Towningdale and some dinosaur action figures. He sets both down on the coffee table. Fast-forward a few minutes, where his setup is complete and he is about to proceed with planning stages.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, if I use this long neck eating the star leaves to show where Spook Cliff is, then...

''{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}''

'''LEX:''' Garf, we're hoooooome!

''{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.

'''GARFIELD:''' Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!

'''LEX:''' I don' get why ya care so much!

'''CHAOS:''' How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?

''{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.

'''CHAOS:''' Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.

''{Garfield frowns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up, owing to our mutually high standards.

'''LEX:''' This apartment is literally all we need, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' WE.

''{Zoom to Chaos' face.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ''NEED.''

''{Zoom to Chaos' eyes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' '''''MORE.'''''

''{Chaos' eyes gain an additional "fiery" look, which lasts for a few seconds. Afterwards, zoom back out, to normal.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I shall exile myself from this conversation.

'''LEX:''' Garf, you're doin' no wrong.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, he's ''very'' much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-

''{Garfield's eyes glow red. He punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}''

'''LEX:''' I... I think that was excessive, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.

''{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}''

'''LEX:''' We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.

'''GARFIELD:''' For once, I have somewhere I need to be. I will pick something up on the way back.

''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing red. He and Lex each split off in different directions, but after a few minutes they re-unite. Garfield is wearing a black coat with some silver zippers and other decorations, with the hood obscuring his face.}''

'''LEX:''' Wait, you never said where you were goin'!

'''GARFIELD:''' I have a date.

'''LEX:''' You???? A date????

''{Lex tilts his head in confusion.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' One of my college buddies, Stephanie, has decided to come to Towningdale.

'''LEX:''' It's ''Townindale,'' mon!

''{Garfield shrugs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've risked tooth and nail for her before. I'd give my experiences a 12/10, and do it again. Besides, I'm headed to the Underground Market. The restaurants there are almost as good as the ones in the state of Disney.

'''LEX:''' Right. So, remind me who Stephanie is?

'''GARFIELD:''' A dearly beloved friend who saved my life, during college.

''{Lex ruminates on the description given. His expression changes to indicate he is partially enlightened.}''

'''LEX:''' I think I remember you havin' mentioned 'er, truth be told.

''{Garfield gives a thumbs-up, through black gloved hands.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Good enough for me!

''{Garfield puts his hand along a wall, in an awkward pose. A few seconds pass.}''

'''LEX:''' What are you-

'''GARFIELD:''' Hmph. I thought I'd get this "Corridor of Darkness" spell done perfectly by now.

''{Garfield lowers his head, in shame.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I guess I'll have to travel by ''other'' means...

'''LEX:''' Why dontcha just use the ice cream truck, mon? It's far more practical than whatever cantrip you're trying t' do!

'''GARFIELD:''' I wanted Style Points.

'''LEX:''' Another thing; you kind of look ridiculous in that coat, in broad daylight.

'''GARFIELD:''' Why, thank you!

''{Lex rolls his eyes, initially skeptical of Garfield's taste. However, he gives it a visibly pensive thought.}''

'''LEX:''' I suppose if they can't see your face...

''{Lex shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' I no longer know how to react.

'''GARFIELD:''' For now, I must bid you adieu.

''{Garfield and Lex wave each other goodbye, as the former heads for the front door and closes it behind him. He heads downstairs, to the pierogi bar itself. He and Volkov wave at each other, but go about their respective business otherwise. The shot cuts to the parking lot, where Garfield gets inside of Lex's ice cream truck. As soon as he starts the truck, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5sHrsCv6VI Tints by Anderson .Paak (feat. Kendrick Lamar)] plays in the background. Zoom out to show Garfield driving to Spook Cliff with the windows open and dancing to the song, then taking some turns to head underneath where he previously drove, to go to the Underground Market. Fast-forward to a still-hooded Garfield inside a high-end restaurant, walking towards a booth with Stephanie sitting inside of it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, Stephanie, I made it...

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...''despite'' my directions?

'''GARFIELD:''' On the contrary, I needed them.

''{Stephanie gets up, and hugs Garfield, who reciprocates after a second to collect his thoughts.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' This is a welcome change of pace for me, compared to how things have been at work.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...that bad?

'''STEPHANIE:''' That bad.

''{Stephanie and Garfield sit on opposing ends of the booth table.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Does the fate of Republic Island still rest upon your shoulders?

'''STEPHANIE:''' All the time.

''{Short pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yare yare dawa. Things don't feel any different for me, most days.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh?

'''GARFIELD:''' I haven't been able to do much in the way of vigilante actions. I believe it had something to do with a date I was on, where this guy sold fake pills.

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{chuckles}'' Some date that must've been, eh?

'''GARFIELD:''' I can assure you that I was nothing but a gentleman towards him.

''{Cut to the studio of "DataPatriots." A large, angry, and red-faced man is sitting at a desk, loudly ranting a live television camera while holding a vial of pills.}''

'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' I'M TELLIN' YOU FOLKS, THE GLOBALISTS DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKING THESE PILLS! THESE PILLS WILL STOP THE SHADOW ORGANIZATIONS FROM READING YOUR THOUGHTS AND STEALING YOUR IDEAS! THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE!! WAKE UP! THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND, READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND ENSLAVE YOU, AND ONLY THESE PILLS CAN SAVE YOU!! THE NEW WORLD ORDER IS COMING, PEOPLE!!!!

''{Garfield bursts in, wielding ties around his wrists and two holstered, makeshift "Arrowgun" pistols. His eyes glow red as soon as he recognizes the pundit.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You phony! Your pills are fake, and your Ponzi scheme shall be exposed, thanks to my current friends:

''{Garfield takes out the pistols, from their respective holsters. The left pistol is lifted up and used to shoot the ceiling.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Maxamillion...

'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!!!

''{The man runs offscreen. Garfield looks into the camera.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...and Roxanne.

''{Garfield shoots the camera with the right pistol. Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield. Stephanie's face looks a little more pale.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' How... how long ago was that?

'''GARFIELD:''' I think that was a couple months ago.

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...that would explain why your bounty went up.

'''GARFIELD:''' I figured that was some sick joke the government was playing on me.

''{Stephanie pulls out her phone and types something on the screen. On the screen is an online website which has a modern picture of Garfield in his outfit - the same one as the one from the wanted poster earlier - on the front page.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You can't keep calling these "selfies." Eventually, they're going to think of you as more than just a nuisance. I haven't mentioned you to my boss yet, because I know that - if I did - he would use your vigilantism for his own ends. I couldn't stomach to see you be exploited by others for their selfish gains, not again.

''{Stephanie sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I value your concern for my well-being.

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's not unusual to think that maybe things could've turned out... differently for you.

'''GARFIELD:''' You're one of the few people that knows ''the real me.''

''{Stephanie looks saddened.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I know.

''{Stephanie's expression lights up, as she gets an idea.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Hey! How'd you meet Lex? I think I have an idea.

''{Garfield gives it some thought. Cue a flashback, conveyed through a comic book "turning" back to a specific page - a still of both Garfield and Volkov, looking younger. The image remains paused, with a disc scratch being heard in the background.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{offscreen}'' Wait, why are you talking about Volkov first?

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Context. It was not long after I met Volkov, that I started looking for a roommate, and found Lex in the process.

''{Resume, with Garfield and Volkov at the office, in a greyed setting.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' You wish to have apartment here?

'''GARFIELD:''' 'Tis all I can presently ask, milord.

'''VOLKOV:''' Can be arranged.

''{Volkov takes out some papers. There's a line and some red ink.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Sign here.

''{Garfield examines the papers carefully, signing only when he confidently understands how the apartment ownership will be handled.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Is Wiggins really your surname?

''{"Fast-forward" as the comic book "turns" forward a few pages more, to a still of Garfield and Lex, presumptively meeting for the first time.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, thanks for answering that online ad of mine!

'''GARFIELD:''' Online ad? You mean the dating profile that kind of hints at you being a science experiment to "make the whitest Jamaican ever?"

'''LEX:''' That's the one, mon!

''{Lex blinks.}''

'''LEX:''' Wait, why were you looking at my ''dating'' profile...?

''{Lex looks visibly confused.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You were, and still are, giving me 10 Things I Hate About You vibes.

''{Lex raises a brow.}''

'''LEX:''' That's a solid movie, but... this ain't a front just to smoke the ganja.

''{The screen pauses.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' I kind of assumed he was a homunculus. I've known so many people named Lex who all kind of appeared and behaved similarly to each other in alarming ways. I have yet to run any DNA tests to confirm or deny this hypothesis.

''{Stephanie can be heard offscreen, guffawing wildly. Her laughter fades, as the screen unpauses and the conversation between Past Lex and Past Garfield continues.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Good to know!

'''LEX:''' You... are fine with me smokin' the ganja, though... right?

''{Garfield shrugs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've no problem with it. I've got relatives in Phoenixshire, who grow their own crops of it. I personally steer away from it, due to asthma and second-hand smoke risks.

''{Lex nods, almost understandingly.}''

'''LEX:''' I gotcha, I gotcha. Wait, Phoenixshire?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yup! Lamentably, the town has moved to West Virginia. I've always remembered Phoenixshire being in Rhode Island.

'''LEX:''' I know some people there, I think. In the West Virginia one, of course.

'''GARFIELD:''' I've known many people named Lex. At least seven in my contacts also have names like "Greed Lex," "Gluttony Lex," et cetera.

'''LEX:''' Well, you can rule me out as ''Lust Lex.'' Also, I'm pretty sure I ain't a homunculus, mon!

''{Both of them have a chuckle. Cut back to the present.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm sorry, how many people named Lex do you know?

'''GARFIELD:''' At least eight. None of them are the Emperor Fullmetal Daddy Lex that I assume is the Original.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I... ''{coughs}'' Is there any more information on Lex that you're able to tell me?

'''GARFIELD:''' Not much, I'm afraid. His life is so odd that I sometimes doubt the current stuff I know about him. I suspect, over time, that there will be more contradictory history thrown at me.

''{Stephanie takes a few more seconds, to digest what Garfield is saying.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Hrm... alright, let's see if we can establish a pattern here. Do you know anybody else in Towningdale?

'''GARFIELD:''' There's the Bellucci family.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Wait, you mean Tracy's here, too?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah! He runs a mom-and-pop cereal shop aboveground. It's in a different part of towne compared to where Lex, Volkov, and I live. I think... it opened last week?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I see...

''{Fast-forward to the end of the luncheon, just an hour later. Stephanie and Garfield each had an array of different entrees, which are spread throughout the table. A female Orc waitress has just returned.}''

'''FEMALE ORC WAITRESS:''' Are you guys ready for the check?

''{Garfield nods, and offers a hand. The waitress plants the check on him, and departs. Stephanie's eyes move to look at her.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...she didn't seem to like us very much...

''{Garfield puts the check on the table, and gets out both a credit card and a Point Card. Under his hood, his eyes glow red.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I can kick her ass, if she gives you any lip.

''{Stephanie blinks.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' That... won't be necessary, thank you.

''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' As you wish.

''{Fast-forward a few minutes later, to the outside of the restaurant.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' My lunch break ends soon. I admit, I lament not spending more time in general with you. Maybe we can do this again some time?

''{Garfield nods and gives her a thumbs-up. Stephanie embraces Garfield, patting him on the back. This signals where they part ways; Garfield motions over to Lex's ice cream truck, with Stephanie walking offscreen to parts unknown. He gets inside, and starts the truck. He drives out of The Underground Market, heading through some intersections into Downtown. He eventually parks near Surreal Cereals, gets out the Point Card, then gets out of the truck and steps inside the establishment. Tracy notices the door open, and greets Garfield. Zoom out to reveal they are currently the only two people inside.}''

'''TRACY:''' Noxigar, you son of a shit! I didn't think I'd see you 'round, ever.

'''GARFIELD:''' Once again, Darkheart, you are proven wrong!

''{Both of them have a hearty chuckle.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I take it you've met Chaos already?

'''TRACY:''' Yeah. Upstaged by hipsters, as of a few hours ago.

'''GARFIELD:''' Shucks, I missed them ''again?''

''{Tracy shrugs.}''

'''TRACY:''' I wasn't under the impression you'd get along with them.

'''GARFIELD:''' Are any of them Wizards?

'''TRACY:''' Nah.

'''GARFIELD:''' There goes getting a nakama going against Bluehaven's Finest.

''{Tracy looks amused by Garfield, but still concerned with the other's well-being.}''

'''TRACY:''' I thought you weren't the sort of guy fit for "nakama."

''{Zoom out a bit, as the screen stretches to show images of Garfield at different ages.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' That's still true...

''{An image of Garfield in the third grade gets placed center and highlighted.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Contrary to popular belief, it's not easy getting a Bachelor's in Biochemistry at the age I got it at.

''{The images on-screen rotate, until a middle-school-aged Garfield stands out and is in the center.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Studying abroad in East Germany was done while I was undergoing ''puberty!'' Yet, why was dealing with my own body harder than anything else at that point?

''{The images rotate some more, until a version of Garfield with the caption "Age: 18" on it is in the center.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' I thought having a Nobel Peace Prize, for curing Ciwic, would make me look impressive.

'''TRACY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Ciwic ''was'' a nasty genophage that nearly wiped out many Humanoid Races.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' But alas...

''{The screen fades to black. Then, through use of a theatrical spotlight, a modern Garfield - of him in the same outfit as the one on his Wanted Poster - is in the center. After the fact, it cuts back to present-day Garfield, and Tracy.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...people cared more that I failed to achieve a level of magic on-par with Merlin.

'''TRACY:''' Hey, man. Merlin himself is one of the best fuckin' Wizards in the whole world! I wouldn't beat yourself up over not being like him.

''{Garfield sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Does Bluehaven's Finest treat you any better?

'''TRACY:''' I don't bother setting foot on the campus anymore, for more than just the purchase of my scholarly supplies.

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Good call.

'''TRACY:''' I'm not quite done with my endeavours there. I'm takin' it easy, y'know?

''{Garfield nods again.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Very well. I'm glad to see you've done okay since... well, ''that incident.''

''{Garfield looks out the window wistfully.}''

'''TRACY:''' Wait, the one in 2006? Or...?

'''GARFIELD:''' No, no. The one that got me suspended from a Wizard academy and put an end to any career I could've had in Sangromancy. I could've gotten a 26-floor Castle, made a career in Space Piracy that makes the current bounty on my head look like chump change, maybe go to the now whole Germany with some fine company, had sophisticated Korean-American neighbors who wonder why I'm so awesome, recovered that lost dragon figurine... fuck, I'm starting to sound like Chaos. He legit pulled this exact same shit on Lex, and it had me highkey concerned.

''{Garfield goes to a booth, and slouches on it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' At least no new Bounty Hunters have arrived, for a while.

''{Tracy sits next to Garfield.}''

'''TRACY:''' Keep finding those silver linings. I know that's been... difficult...

''{Tracy ponders for a little while more.}''

'''TRACY:''' Well, you definitely haven't hit rock bottom.

''{Tracy shrugs.}''

'''TRACY:''' So, Garfunkel? What'll it be?

'''GARFIELD:''' Got any Foul-mouthed Chainsmoking Squirrel cereal?

'''TRACY:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' I think the only flavour they have that in is scotch and chocolate.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' That works for me. I think the chocolate will counteract some of the wood polish.

''{Tracy gets a good laugh out of what Garfield said, as he proceeds to get the cereal.}''

'''TRACY:''' Tell me you want a mason jar with this.

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, a mason jar sounds about good.

''{Tracy prepares the cereal in a mason jar, and gives it to Garfield. Garfield begins eating the cereal, with the frames fast-forwarding through a good thirty minutes. His cereal is finished, and Garfield gets up.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It was good to check up on you. But, I've gotta jet.

''{Garfield moves to leave Surreal Cereals.}''

'''TRACY:''' Come back soon! Maybe the hipsters will be here to meet you, once you do!

''{Garfield departs from Surreal Cereals, and the camera zooms out to reveal the grand scope of the Downtown section of Towningdale. The next location Garfield enters is a nearby florist shop, but he quickly leaves it with a few bouquets of white roses as he returns to the ice cream truck and drives off. His next destination is, once again, Spook Cliff. This time, it's a different part of Spook Cliff, as he stumbles into a graveyard and a glowing green tree, next to one of the tombstones. The camera zooms in to show Garfield mourning someone, as he lays down the white roses next to it. He audibly sighs, but quickly regrets doing so as a bolt of pink energy grazes his hood, letting it down and showing Garfield's face and blonde wig.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen, almost-booming}'' Noxigar Bellinski! About time I found you. You'll pay for what you did in Bluehaven.

''{Garfield looks around, wondering who is actually speaking.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Who the yiff is that?!

''{A blue-haired bounty hunter emerges, wielding a glowing pink katana. Garfield's eyes widen when he sees the katana, while at the same time glowing red.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh, you've ''got'' to be fucking kidding me.

'''ROSEMARY:''' What, didn't expect a Bounty Hunter to come at you on hollowed ground?

'''GARFIELD:''' No. The pretentious magic from your katana. I should've smelled it by now.

'''ROSEMARY:''' Oh, that? That's the power of-

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{snarls}'' No.

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY2tXZKJcT0 Gloria by Laura Branigan] begins to play, in the background. Garfield takes on a battle stance, with his fists.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' Are you ''seriously'' unarmed?!

''{Rosemary begins cackling, but then takes a serious battle stance herself.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' It's such a shame. I was hoping for a challenge.

''{Rosemary lunges at Garfield with her sword. He gets grazed on his left side by both pink energy and blade, but doesn't flinch. For her efforts, she eats a round-house kick to the skull, which causes her to drop the metal goggles she was wearing on top of her head. While she nurses the side of her head, Garfield legs it towards the ice cream truck. He makes it to the driver's seat, trying to start the vehicle while it shakes. Garfield hears a distinct dent in the driver's door.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen}'' Oh, I did ''not'' travel ''all the way from Serenity, Arizona'' just so you could run off that easily!

''{Garfield tries shifting the car, looking through the nearby mirrors to gauge where Rosemary is.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for telling me where you live, so I can ship your corpse back to your next of kin!

''{Garfield puts the truck in reverse, and tries to run Rosemary over. She dodge rolls out of the way, but then sees him put the truck back on forward driving and drive off. Groaning, she motions over to a Vespa moped concealed by bushes and trees, and pursues him. Both of them drive off into the main part of Towningdale. Periodically, a pink bolt of energy is flung at the truck, which intensifies the nervousness of other drivers on the road. Cut back to the inside of the ice cream truck, as Garfield looks in the back. He sees a couple of crimson motorcycle tires.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Wait, how the hell did-

''{Flashback to Garfield, outside, with a caption reading, "Just Last Week." He notices several "gangster"-looking individuals mocking Tracy openly, with other staff not doing anything. Upon seeing Tracy get beat up by the people mocking him, Garfield's eyes glow red and he promptly heads toward a red motorcycle and violently plucks the tires off of it, and then enters Surreal Cereals.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Is there something I can help you with, distinguished guests?

''{The gangsters turn to Garfield. One of them, wielding a Skull Masque, laughs.}''

'''SKULL MASQUE:''' Get a load of this motherfuckin' Sperg. ''{mocking Garfield's voice}'' "Distinguished guests."

''{The other gangsters begin laughing, though they recognize the motorcycle tires as being hijacked from the Skull Masque and slowly back away.}''

'''TRACY:''' No, no, no, please don't make a scene, please don't make a scene...

'''RONALD:''' Bro, he just trashed your ride!

''{Garfield begins pummeling Skull Masque with the motorcycle tires, treating them as chakram. The other gangsters try jumping Garfield, and the frame changes to outside Surreal Cereals, with sounds of fiery explosions, and screaming reaching outside as several police cars with audible siren sounds arrive towards it. Similar-sounding police sirens wake Garfield out of his flashback, as the scene returns to the present. Garfield checks the ice cream truck's mirrors, as he witnesses that police are chasing both him and Rosemary.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...oh!

''{A lightbulb appears over Garfield's head. He then puts his hood back on, and arms himself with the motorcycle tires. He once again peers outside the window, and sees multiple biker gangs chasing after the police, who are still chasing Rosemary and - by extension - him. His head leans back, as if showing signs of panic.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, '''''that escalated quickly.'''''

''{Sounds of helicopters can be heard in the distance. Above Garfield's head, are six full golden stars.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{singing in an attempt at countertenor}'' ''If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody calling?!'' 
''You don't have to answer'' 
''Leave 'em hangin' on the li-ine'' 
''Oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria~'' 

''{Garfield turns up the volume of the radio, as Gloria resumes playing. He sees a group of trolley tracks along the road, and looks around through the mirrors, to see how everything else is going around him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Time for multi-track drifting?

''{The ice cream truck begins to shake, as Garfield feels a vibration along the ground and sees external damage caused by Rosemary's pink bolts of energy. He cracks his own neck, lifting his head both left and right accordingly. He speeds toward the multiple trolley tracks. Zoom outward, to show shocked expressions on the faces of Towningdale citizens, many of whom are taking photographs of the situation at-large. Zoom outward even further, to show that all of Towningdale is pretty much in the know, be it from social media or from people calling each other. Then, cut to Lex on the couch by himself, flipping through channels.}''

'''LEX:''' Chaos can rest easy on my bed. That was one nasty punch-

''{Lex keeps it on a news channel. The scene is angled in such a way that the audience can't see the television screen, but the audio implies that a lot of vehicular stuntwork and explosions are occurring.}''

'''LEX:''' I did ''not'' know my ice cream truck could do that! I don't think I ''wanted'' to know that my ice cream truck could do that!

''{Lex looks outside, and sees that his ice cream truck - while roughed up a bit thanks to the fight with Rosemary Touchdown - is parked in the parking lot, and accounted for. Garfield is nowhere to be seen, however.}''

'''LEX:''' Wha-

''{Cut to Garfield, who is now in an alleyway on foot. A pink bolt of energy grazes his right shoulder, causing him to stumble into the lakeside.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' ''{offscreen}'' If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were more trouble than your worth!

''{Zoom out to show Rosemary appearing from the same alleyway, but not in the lake. She is visibly exhausted.}''

'''ROSEMARY:''' At least your bounty will help buy me a new Vespa!

''{Rosemary stabs the lake with her glowing katana, repeatedly. Garfield jumps from a distance, and throws one of the motorcycle tires he was carrying, which hits her straight in the chest. Zoom in, to show that Garfield's blonde wig is completely ruined, and that he overall is looking a little worse for wear.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You Yankee Archmage-wannabes never learn.

''{Garfield throws the other motorcycle tire at Rosemary, hitting her in the head. Once both motorcycle tires are on the ground, he snaps, in an attempt to levitate them. He succeeds in getting them to orbit around Rosemary for a little bit, then he gives a thumbs-up sign as the tires explode, causing the water to erupt wildly. Once the water subsides, Rosemary is nowhere to be seen. Garfield looks around, wondering if she is nearby; when he does not find her, he blinks.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...was that Rosemary Touchdown? I recognize that as being her, if I remember my Bounty Hunters right. I guess I can...

''{Garfield takes out gold sunglasses from his pocket. As his eyes stop glowing red, he puts the sunglasses over them.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...cross her name off my Shitlist.

''{Short pause, as crickets chirp. Garfield shrugs, then takes off the blonde wig. Given its dismal state, he throws it away in a nearby wastebasket. He moseys on over to dry land, finding himself in a completely different part of Towningdale than the one he was previously in. He spies a wig shoppe, off in the distance, and heads towards it. He then enters the wig shoppe, and is greeted by the salesperson, who is an old man with luscious brown locks.}''

'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh, greetings! It's not often I-

''{Garfield takes off the hood, revealing his face.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It's good to see you, again.

'''SALESPERSON:''' Oooooh, Mister Bellinski! It's an honour, indeed.

''{The salesperson bows formally.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Alas, one of my wigs got torn asunder in a fight against who I believe to be Rosemary Touchdown.

'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh myyy. Have you been getting into trouble again? Is this one of your LARPs?

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{sighs}'' If only it ''was'' a LARP... then, I wouldn't have felt so bad about the ordeal.

''{Garfield arcs his back a bit.}''

'''SALESPERSON:''' Nevermind that. Come, come, come! Let me show you my wares.

''{The salesperson walks behind Garfield and pushes him further into the shop.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah. I'm one blonde wig short of my usual vigilante costume...

''{The salesperson looks Garfield up and down.}''

'''SALESPERSON:''' Hmm... I know what you must have. Would you be interested in some... luscious Elven locks?

'''GARFIELD:''' Hm. You don't mind if I just browse for a bit, I hope?

'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh course, of course!

''{Garfield nods accordingly, and proceeds to browse for a tiny bit. Cut to a montage of Garfield trying on various wigs and hairstyles, until finding a moderate-length pink wig.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, I'll take this wig that goes with this jacket and a flower-themed blade I expect to find on the Dank Net later... suffice it to say, I didn't find any short blonde wigs.

'''SALESPERSON:''' That's okay! I'd be happy to get some in stock, later on!

''{Garfield looks around. The wigmaker's shoppe is in partial disarray.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I look forward to coming back soon... I might be able to help you with your shoppe, if you'd like?

'''SALESPERSON:''' Oh, no! I've got myself a guest staying with me.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...you do?

''{Garfield looks at the door leading to the back of the shoppe.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Is he here? I'd like to say hi to him, if I can...

''{The salesperson rushes to block access to the door. In doing so, it opens slightly. A hairy suit can be seen in the background.}''

'''SALESPERSON:''' He's not here. He's... elsewhere.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...it's only, what, high noon?

''{Garfield scratches his head. The salesperson quickly shuts the door.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh... okay.

''{Awkward silence as the salesperson grins creepily. Garfield looks around, one last time.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Come on, short blonde wig... I know you're here somewhere...

''{Garfield sighs, in defeat. He goes over to the cash register.}''

'''SALESPERSON:''' It's always good to see a regular customer.

'''GARFIELD:''' It's an honour to find a wig shoppe on short notice...

''{Garfield reads the salesperson's nametag - Frank.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...Frank. I hope you have time to come by Katyusha's. They make some good pierogis!

'''FRANK:''' I'd be delighted to! Well, once I get things sorted out...

''{Frank sighs wistfully.}''

'''FRANK:''' I don't suppose you know any Elves, do you?

''{Garfield takes out a 50-dollar bill.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Uh... not in this city, at least. Does this cover it?

'''FRANK:''' Oh, alright. And yes, of course! But, you'll-

''{Garfield waves a hand.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Keep the change, good chap!

''{Garfield takes out the tags out of the pink wig, and puts it on immediately.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I should probably find my way back to Downtowningdale. From there, I think I can make it back home to Little Moscow...

'''FRANK:''' I hope you stop on by again soon, Mr. Bellinski!

''{Frank and Garfield pleasantly wave each other goodbye. Garfield exits the wig shop, and puts his hood back on. He tries to find a nearby trolley.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hrm... trolleys would-

''{Garfield bumps into someone.}''

'''?????:''' Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!

''{Garfield takes a gander at who they are. He identifies the person in question as a Drow-looking Human.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...

''{Garfield looks lost in thought, much to the Human's confusion.}''

'''?????:''' What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean ''Townindale'', right?

''{Garfield looks taken aback by the Human's correction.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Look, I've had a long day...

''{Garfield then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves the Drow-looking Human in question. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly Garfield said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath Garfield and the Human reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}''

'''?????:''' You did ''not'' need to tell me all of that. At all.

''{The Human sighs.}''

'''?????:''' Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord apparently. If you don’t mind, I have to get moving.

''{The Human departs. Garfield ignores him, and continues looking around for a trolley.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I'll probably wind up seeing him again... in the meantime, however... I need to find a way to Chief Beef's.

''{Garfield eventually sees a trolley park nearby. He motions toward it, and waits for people to get out of it before heading inside it himself.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Good distinguished guest! Does this trolley head to Downtowningdale?

'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' It's going to be a while, but yeah! Enjoy the ride!

''{Garfield leans back in the trolley seat, and smirks.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Perfect.

''{Zoom out to show the trolley moving from where Garfield was located, labelled "Skiverton," to a part of Downtowningdale - equally labelled with a caption. The trolley stops within this part of Downtowningdale, and Garfield gets off the trolley.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for the directions!

''{Garfield looks around him, and walks around. He makes specific lefts and rights, and finds himself at a bar known as The Angry Bull.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm told that Chief Beef's is nearby...

''{Garfield locates the Chief Beef's, which is a few blocks away.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I know how my night's going to go down, at least.

''{Garfield motions toward the Chief Beef's, and then enters. He finds himself in a fine dining establishment, where the staff are all Centaur. Garfield thinks for a moment, to himself, as he tries to find a "To Go" line. Upon not finding one, he shrugs. Cue to a montage of Garfield ordering some food, having a jolly holiday with some of the Centaur staff, and ordering a few alcoholic drinks. He pays for it all using the Point Card, and has a canvas bag set aside for some of the ordered food, labelled "Lex's Chief Beef's Food." He then exits the Chief Beef's, somewhat satisfied. He motions over to The Angry Bull, when he comes across seven armoured Dwarf Hellriders. He waves at them jovially, and they each do a cool nod at him as they bypass each other. He proceeds into The Angry Bull, and sits at one of the chairs near the barstool. One of the bartenders - a Gnome - greets Garfield.}''

'''GUS:''' Hey, nice getup! What can I getcha?

''{Garfield pauses to think.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Do you have a scotch... single malt... speyside... no ice?

''{Gus shrugs.}''

'''GUS:''' Sure, I can make that!

''{Gus goes over to make Garfield's drink. After a few seconds, the drink is made.}''

'''GUS:''' What brings you to these parts?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's a long story...

'''GUS:''' I've got time to hear it, if you're comfy with it!

'''GARFIELD:''' It might take me a few more of these.

''{Garfield imbibes the scotch he was given, and the scene shows him downing a few more shots. After enough drinks, he notices a karaoke bar across the way from him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I didn't know you guys had a karaoke bar!

'''GUS:''' We installed it some time ago.

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy smokes! Tell me it has-

''{Fast-forward to a slightly-buzzed, still-hooded in dark coat Garfield on top of a DDR pad with a microphone.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{countertenor}'' ''When you walk away'' 
''You don't hear me say''- 

''{Zoom out to reveal that the machine isn't even on. There's a crowd forming anyway, laughing. One of the other bartenders, a big minotaur named Bruno, shows up.}''

'''BRUNO:''' Dude, the machine's not even on!

''{Bruno then joins in on the laughter. Garfield quickly recognizes the problem at hand, solves it with an ease that surprises the people around him, and resumes as normal. Cut to two patrons - a familiar Drow-like Human and his Noiceably-More-Human Friend - entering the bar.}''

'''????:''' Sometimes you want to go to a bar where everyone knows your name.

''{The Other Human makes a dynamic entrance, but nobody seems to notice.}''

'''?????:''' Um, you were saying...?

''{The entrants quickly take notice of Garfield and his bizarre antics.}''

'''????:''' Oy, that blighter's gone and hogged all me spotlight! That's unfair!

''{The Other Human goes over and makes his hands form a megaphone-like shape.}''

'''????:''' Who's this mad lad?

''{Cut back to Garfield skillfully DDR-ing and singing at the same time, for a few seconds, then back at the other two Humans.}''

'''?????:''' Um, Jules-

''{Upon Jules' name being dropped, everyone inside the Angry Bull diverts their attention.}''

'''BRUNO:''' Oh, hey, Jules! Good to see you've made it!

'''JULES:''' Just what the bloody 'ell is-

'''BRUNO:''' Some nerd came in and wanted to play with the karaoke machine. We told him if he got the high score for a particular song he seemed interested in, that he'd get drinks for free here indefinitely.

''{Gus waves at Jules and The Drow-like Human.}''

'''GUS:''' It's true!

''{Jules and The Drow-like Human go over to Gus, while the scene returns to Garfield having just finished singing and DDR-ing to his song of choice. People seem to be astonished. Garfield's jaw drops. Pan to the screen, which shows he got a SSS rank, but didn't earn the high score.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I feel slightly inconvenienced...

''{Garfield's head droops down depressingly. Bruno pats him on the back.}''

'''BRUNO:''' It's alright, lad. Maybe next time.

''{Garfield resignedly gives the Minotaur his credit card and Point Card. Bruno eyes the Point Card carefully.}''

'''BRUNO:''' What's this for?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's a Point Card. I got it one day, in San Crystal-balls, and since then I've put Points into it. I still owe you guys enough, that I'm willing to arm this thing to the teeth and eventually put it to good use someday!

''{Bruno snorts, and laughs.}''

'''BRUNO:''' Good luck with that, mate! I hope to see you again, when you've got even more drinks in ya!

''{Garfield shrugs, and takes his bag of Chief Beef's food with him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' We'll see what happens when I depart. Your apple cider kicks ass!

''{Garfield exits The Angry Bull. He happens to stumble upon a trolley.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Salutations! Does this stop by a cool place called Katyusha's?

'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Why, yes it does! What's the occasion?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's one of the few places I can call "home."

''{The trolley driver guffaws, over his speakerphone.}''

'''TROLLEY DRIVER:''' ''{offscreen}'' Well, so far... you're the only person on! Next stop, Katyusha's!

''{Garfield leans on the seat in the trolley.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Perfect.

''{Cut to Lex and Garfield at home.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' So that's what happened today!

'''LEX:''' A shame you couldn't get permanent free drinks, mon! Honestly, I'm just glad you're back in one piece!

''{Garfield winces, clutching the right side of his stomach and collapsing.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I figured you'd be more concerned for the ice cream truck...

'''LEX:''' Poppycock, mon! You've been my friend for at least a full three years! Friends aren't as replaceable as ice cream trucks!

''{Garfield attempts to get up, from where he collapsed.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Shit, I should probably-

''{Garfield's cellphone rings, with a familiar ringtone. He slowly hobbles over to his bedroom.}''

'''LEX:''' Another ting, mon! Thanks for the Chief Beef's!

''{Garfield gently closes the door behind him, and then lunges towards his bed and grabs his phone.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hello?

'''XIORNO:''' ''{from the other line}'' Garfield, there is something I need your help with tomorrow.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{singing}'' Tell me more, tell me more-

''{Muffled laughter can be heard, coming from Lex's end.}''

'''XIORNO:''' We have tests to run for a plant we're trying to advertise to Orcish communities throughout Republic Island. Would it be alright if you came over to the lab to help us?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, sure. I could certainly do some good there.

'''XIORNO:''' See you, then, Garfield.

'''GARFIELD:''' Likewise.

''{Garfield hangs up, and rolls on over. He sighs heavily, with relief. The camera fades to black.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Today was a good day.

''{End episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/8

2018-10-30T20:20:32Z

Remolay:

== Synopsis ==

== Transcript ==

''{Open to Chaos and Lex in the Mattress Warehouse. Chaos has just finished explaining the details of his HappyMart job with Lex.}''

'''LEX:''' Sorry you had to deal with that shit, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' I'm not sure how ''anyone'' puts up with HappyMart's shit.

'''LEX:''' People sometimes do desperate things.

''{Chaos hears "desperate things" echo, and smiles.}''

'''LEX:''' If ya want, I could see if I could hook ya' up with a job here.

'''CHAOS:''' I have a much better idea. Hold on.

''{Chaos pulls the HappyMart flier from out of his pocket which advertised the fundraiser. He slams it onto the counter. Lex picks it up and reads it.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Let me give you a hint; it starts with "Xavier" and ends with "D'Arque's Senatorial Campaign."

'''LEX:''' ...hosted at The Rosenberg Association Ballroom... sponsored by HappyMart... Hm.

'''CHAOS:''' This job seems nice and all, but surely you must find it boring.

''{Lex puts the flier down.}''

'''LEX:''' I like boring. Ya get into less trouble that way.

'''CHAOS:''' This is better. Don't you miss the excitement? The thrill? The action?

'''LEX:''' I do, but- I'd rather ya not get sent back to prison again. It's not even been a month, brudda!

'''CHAOS:''' You forget the Eleventh Commandment - "Thou shalt not get caught."

'''LEX:''' It was ''you'' who forgot it.

''{Lex deliberates.}''

'''LEX:''' Let me sleep on it. I'll see how I feel about this in the morning.

''{Chaos looks around the store.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Such a big and open area, no staff, no customers. We could make this our base of operations!

'''LEX:''' Let me think about it.

''{Cut to Lex's bedroom at 7:00AM, the next morning. The alarm goes off, and it is immediately switched off by Chaos, who is standing over Lex's bed.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You slept on it. You in or not?

'''LEX:''' Ah, for fuck's sake, mon. You ain't gonna change yer mind on this, are ya?

'''CHAOS:''' Have I ever been the kind of person to change my mind about anything?

'''LEX:''' Ya've always been a stubborn prick. I'm in.

''{Chaos cheers.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ha, yes! I'm thinking we can even bring the old crew back together. Rashid, Headwiz, Elhera, hell, even Toby!

'''LEX:''' That's gonna be a tough titty for you, bruh. For one, Toby's dead.

'''CHAOS:''' No way! Fuck, how?

'''LEX:''' Barfight gone wrong. Picked a fight with a bunch of Dwarven Hellriders. He got stabbed to death after he called 'em a bunch of "stumps."

'''CHAOS:''' Fuckin' Toby! The guy was a racist cock, but he was an awesome getaway driver. I guess he's out of the picture. What about the others?

'''LEX:''' Rashid moved back to Lebanon. I wrote to him a while back. He's apparently selling his specialized gadget skills to the highest bidder, although, the last I heard from him, he was runnin' with the Lebanese military. He's been MIA for a while.

'''CHAOS:''' Fuckin' really?

'''LEX:''' As for Elhera, I saw her with some Elf bikers the other day...

'''CHAOS:''' ...playing for a different team? I thought she was going to retire.

'''LEX:''' So did I. As for Headwiz... Well. Headwiz is Headwiz. Tha girl's a flake.

'''CHAOS:''' We should still try her. I don't know any other hackers. Besides, she won't be flaky when she realizes how much she'll be paid.

'''LEX:''' Do you know how much we'll be getting paid?

'''CHAOS:''' Well, tickets for the event alone are going for $200... And there's an expected attendance of around 500 people at the least... That's not to mention private donations too.

'''LEX:''' Mighty Jah, wow.

'''CHAOS:''' I know, right? I've yet to calculate the total, but I do know that is a shitload.

''{Cut to the interior of the Rosenberg Association. Leigh is in Jacqueline's office. Sitting next to him is Jules. Jacqueline is sitting at the desk while looking at piece of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I have to say, Leigh. My expectations for you were... not that high, but you have surprised me quite pleasantly. Especially so, for someone who couldn't barely hold a job. You've singlehandedly increased company productivity in the two weeks you've been around.

''{Jacqueline looks up at Leigh and half-jokingly makes a remark.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' What are you?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm a human. Born in... Michigan.

''{Jacqueline scoffs.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Not like that. I mean, how have you done such good work when your history says otherwise?

'''LEIGH:''' Well... I haven't been the luckiest man around. Things eventually go wrong and it usually screws me up.

'''JULES:''' Yo bruv, don't let that get ya down! I've been fuckin' up my entire life, and I don't even got a job!

'''JACQUELINE:''' Right. Anyway, as you are aware, we have the fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque coming up in a couple of days, and I would like ''you'' to help us organize it.

''{Stephanie walks in. Jacqueline stands up and introduces her.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' This is Stephanie Young, Mr. D'Arque's personal assistant. You two are to assist her in its organization.

''{Stephanie shakes both Leigh and Jules' hands.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Pleased to meet you both.

'''LEIGH:''' And you too!

'''JULES:''' Eyy, whazzup, sis!!

''{Stephanie looks taken aback.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Not a whole lot, actually.

''{Short pause.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Now that we're all formally introduced... I would like to figure out how we're going to handle this fundraiser?

'''LEIGH:''' What are Mr. D'Arque's strengths?

''{Stephanie strokes her chin.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...we could focus on the good he's done at San Crystal-balls...

''{Jules stifles laughter.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' What?

'''LEIGH:''' I thought it was San ''Cristobal.''

''{Stephanie feigns incredulity.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''I had no idea.''

''{Jules bursts into laughter.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I think I can make this work... we've got an assortment of cuisine coming in from the Drow communities all over...

''{Leigh's interest is visibly piqued.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Ooh! Do you have the menu?!

''{Stephanie blinks.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Uh, sure.

'''LEIGH:''' You won't regret it!

'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it you're one of those Humans with an interest in Drow culture?

''{Leigh cocks a brow. He looks around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You could say that. It's not unusual to be from Michigan and know some guys outside of Detroit.

''{Stephanie's eyelids lower.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''You don't say...'' You know most elves don't feign being human anymore, right?

''{Leigh speaks a bit angrily}''

'''LEIGH:''' Why yes, I am well aware of that. I am also aware that the keyword is most.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Message received. I can't get the menu to you right now, but I can email it to you, assuming you have the standard address.

'''JULES:''' Yo, send one to me too. I don't have a company address, it's LLCoolJules at Yahoo.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Colour me unsurprised. Yeah sure, I'll send you one.

''{Cut back to Lex and Chaos in the dining room. Lex is dressed in his ordinary clothes, and the two are drawing up plans on papers laid across the table. Garfield walks into the living room, dressed in his work clothes. He hangs his coat on the coat rack, and notices the planning documents all over the table, along with the flier, which is now hanging on the wall. Chaos stands up to greet him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh hey, Garfield. We're, um-... planning a birthday party for-...

''{Garfield ignores Chaos and looks at the poster, and then at the documents on the table. He raises an eyebrow.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You're organizing a heist against D'Arque's fundraiser at the Rosenberg Association, aren't you?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

'''LEX:''' Yes. You figured that out quickly.

'''CHAOS:''' Wanna join?

''{Lex chastises Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' You're including him in this? Brudda, you know he's not suited to this stuff! He-

'''GARFIELD:''' Count me in.

'''CHAOS:''' Score!

'''GARFIELD:''' My Oath of Fealty to Stephanie Young requires I not lie to her in word or deed. She will ''immediately know,'' which makes my margin of error for fucking up extremely low...

''{Chaos looks confused.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' But I could never resist me a good challenge. If I can ''outsmart'' D'Arque, that's as good as having robbed him.

'''LEX:''' Are you sure, mon?

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm not as much of a novice as you think I am. I've gotten into my fair share of scrambles. What's been planned so far? Do you have a crew? How about guns?

'''CHAOS:''' Whoa, mate. No guns.

'''LEX:''' Ya, no guns.

'''CHAOS:''' Guns are too fucking messy. You start shooting and you start a riot. Just, no. Besides, I don't want any blood on my hands. I'm a professional, not a murderer.

'''GARFIELD:''' Fair.

'''LEX:''' I'm going to see if I can get a hacker. Chaos and I know this gal who is the best in this city.

'''CHAOS:''' And I am going to see if I can get us some copies of the building's blueprints from Town Hall.

'''GARFIELD:''' I presume Chaos is the Mastermind and Lex is the Burglar, then? I could be your con-man. I can be very convincing at times.

'''CHAOS:''' We still need a getaway driver and an inside man. Do you know anybody?

'''GARFIELD:''' I could contact my friend, Tracy, and see if he wants to be involved. As for a getaway driver, I know just the man.

'''CHAOS:''' Excellent. Let's do this. We'll meet back at Lex's job. It's nice and big over there.

''{The three of them split up. Cut to Chaos entering Town Hall. He is immediately greeted by Noelle, the receptionist.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Oh hey, you're the one who tripped!

''{Chaos goes red.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh ''great.'' Is that what you remember me by?

''{Noelle chuckles.}''

'''NOELLE:''' I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at you. It's unprofessional, besides, we all have our clumsy moments!

'''CHAOS:''' Oh no, please! Laugh at me as much as you'd like! It ''was'' pretty funny!

''{Noelle smiles.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Are you here to see the Mayor again? Becuase he's unfortunately out of town at the moment.

'''CHAOS:''' Actually, I was hoping to see if I could get a blueprint from one of the archives! You see, I'm... um... pursuing an architecture hobby, and I'm looking for inspiration.

'''NOELLE:''' An architect, eh? Sure thing. Come with me.

''{Noelle gestures Chaos to follow her. She leads him to a staircase at the end of the building, leading down towards the basement.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So, um... You work here often?

'''NOELLE:''' Well, it is my job. I'm here from opening to closing, from Monday to Thursday.

'''CHAOS:''' Friday's off, huh? Lucky.

''{The two walk through a basement corridor while still talking.}''

'''NOELLE:''' How about you? Do you have a job?

'''CHAOS:''' This is my job, sort of.

'''NOELLE:''' I thought you said it was a hobby.

'''CHAOS:''' ...They tie into each other.

''{Noelle laughs.}''

'''NOELLE:''' You're pursuing your passions? Wow, that sounds fun, actually!

''{Chaos blushes. Finally, they find themselves at a door. Noelle pulls out a key and unlocks it. Leading them into a room full of filing cabinets. The two of them walk in.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Do you know what you're looking for?

'''CHAOS:''' I need the blueprints to the Rosenberg building, y'know, the one on 5th Street.

'''NOELLE:''' Alright! Say, did you hear about the fundraiser that they're having there? For that D'Arque guy?

''{Chaos nervously chuckles. Noelle leads him to a filing cabinet in the middle of the room, where she proceeds to open it.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Y-yeah. I saw him here a few days ago.

'''NOELLE:''' He comes by pretty often to speak to the Mayor. Don't tell anybody about this, but I don't think the Mayor likes him too much. He always looks so spooked whenever he's around.

'''CHAOS:''' I'm not a huge fan either. How about you?

'''NOELLE:''' From what I see of him on TV, he seems like a nice guy, and he's friendly enough to me. I don't know, really.

''{Chaos scrolls through the files, before pulling out the plans for the Rosenberg skyscraper.}''

'''CHAOS:''' There it is! Thank you so much, Noelle!

''{Noelle smiles.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Anytime, Mr... what's your name?

'''CHAOS:''' Cha-... Felix. Felix Zabat.

''{Noelle shakes Chaos' hand. Chaos goes red.}''

'''NOELLE:''' In that case, you're welcome, Felix!

''{Cut to Leigh, Stephanie, and Jules in Rosenberg's event room. A group of laborers is constructing a stage while the beggar from episode 6, now dressed in cleaner clothes, is directing them.}''

'''BEGGAR:''' We want lights everywhere! We are going to blind the audience with our brilliance, you got it?

''{Two more laborers walk in, lugging a DJ system. The beggar yells at them.}''

'''BEGGAR:''' Be careful with that thing! If you break it, you're gonna be sorry! Seriously, I'll break your legs. I'll make you break each other's legs, I ain't fuckin' around here!

''{Leigh turns to Stephanie.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Who's that? Miss Rosenberg didn't mention him.

'''STEPHANIE:''' That's "Dahn." He's one of our guys. Mr. D'Arque insisted that we include him in the fundraiser as our music guy.

''{Dahn sits on the half-constructed stage and calls out to Stephanie.}''

'''DAHN:''' Yo, Stephy. Fetch me a fizzy, won't ya?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Leigh, can you do me a favor and fetch Dahn a drink from the mini-fridge in the office, please?

''{Leigh salutes.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Right-eo!

''{Leigh scoots off. Dahn lights up a cigarette.}''

'''JULES:''' Yo bruv, this is a smoke-free building!

'''DAHN:''' And I am a special guest. You can make an exception for me.

''{Dahn flashes a toothy grin, revealing that he has a gold tooth. Jules doesn't do anything.}''

'''JULES:''' I don't know what to say to this.

'''DAHN:''' Say nothin', babe. Just enjoy the sweet, sweet music.

''{Silence.}''

'''JULES:''' I don't hear anythin', man.

'''DAHN:''' Shhh. It's in your soul, babe. Listen to the music in your soul.

'''JULES:''' Uhhh.

''{Slow zoom in on Jules' forehead as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYsTmIzjkw "Because I Got High" by Afroman] starts playing. Sudden cut to the shot the way it already was as the music stops}''

'''JULES:''' I think I got you, man.

''{Leigh appears next to Jules quietly and whispers}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey Jules, what does "Fizzy" mean?

'''JULES:''' I don't fuckin' know, get him a coke or something.

''{Leigh rushes back to get a coke for Dahn, there's an awkward silence}''

'''JULES:''' So uh... What kind of music you play?

'''DAHN:''' Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to, my dude. Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to.

''{Leigh comes back with a bottle of cola for Dahn}''

'''LEIGH:''' Best we got soda wise is RC Cola, I hope that's okay

'''DAHN:''' That's just fine, thanks my drotha.

'''LEIGH:''' I-

'''JULES:''' Ha! It is a thing!

'''LEIGH:''' I'm not a Drow, for Pete's sake!

''{Jules pulls Leigh off to the side, his arm around his shoulder}''

'''JULES:''' Hey man, hey. It's alright, he didn't know. No need to flip your tits, aight?

'''LEIGH:''' You're right, you're right. Hey, I wanted to ask you something, you have a "Crew" you roll with, right?

''{Jules starts to look a little nervous}''

'''JULES:''' Uh... yeah. Definitely do. You aren't my only real friend, that's for sure.

'''LEIGH:''' We need security for the event, right? I thought who better for the job than the most intimidating guy I know.

'''JULES:''' I dunno, man. You ever hear of Altamont?

'''LEIGH:''' No.

'''JULES:''' In that case, I'll do it. Just let me go uh... Call my "Crew"...

''{Jules runs off around the corner}''

'''JULES:''' Oh shit.

''{Cut to Lex standing outside the front door to a house in a suburban neighborhood. The house is painted entirely in black, contrasting with the ordinary houses surrounding it. It is also covered with security cameras, all which are currently pointed at Lex. He rings the doorbell.}''

'''LEX:''' 'Ello, is anybody home?

'''DOORBELL:''' STATE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, EMAIL ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, AND PROOF THAT YOU ARE NOT A FED.

'''LEX:''' Uh... My name is Lex... I live in a pierogi bar on 26807 Sunshine Avenue... I don't have an email address, and my phone number is-...

''{Suddenly, the door opens. Lex is greeted by a woman wearing glasses and scruffy clothing. She is in her late-20s and also of mixed Japanese-European heritage.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Fucking Lex, after all this time! Come in, come in!

''{Lex follows Headwiz into her house, which is absolutely cluttered with PC parts, pizza boxes, and cats. All of the curtains are drawn, leaving the room with no light other than that from the countless computer monitors.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Sit down, sit down! Lemme get you something. Do you want coffee, an energy drink, or a Headwiz special?

'''LEX:''' What's a Headwiz Special?

'''HEADWIZ:''' It's a coffee with an energy drink poured into it. Great for gaming marathons.

'''LEX:''' I'll jus' have a glass'a water.

'''HEADWIZ:''' Pfft, fuckin' boring choice, but alright. One BORING glass of water, comin' right up!

''{Headwiz heads to her kitchen. Lex looks around the living room. The walls are absolutely covered, with items such as "I Want To Believe" Posters with UFOs, 9/11 Truth Booklets, Anime Posters, and a Playboy pinup. Headwiz returns, holding a glass of water in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. She sets the two on the coffee table before sitting down.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Whazzup, my White Jamaican Alien friiiiiiend? I heard Chaos got released from the clink. Still can't believe he got caught in the first place.

'''LEX:''' About that, actually. We're plannin' a heist against the D'Arque Charity Fundraiser, and we're wonderin' if you wanna join in.

''{Headwiz sits up. Light reflects on her glasses, giving them a glow as a manic smile appears on her face. She suddenly jumps up in excitement.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Another heist with you cool cats? I am SO FUCKING IN! It's gonna be fucking awesome! You do not fucking know how much I fucking missed doing this shit with you guys, fuck! Is Toby in?

'''LEX:''' Toby's dead.

'''HEADWIZ:''' Ahh, that's a fucking shame. Fucker probably deserved it, though.

'''LEX:''' Are ya sure that ya up to it? I mean, this is a big 'un.

'''HEADWIZ:''' Look. I'm a hacker, I do this shit on a daily fucking basis! This is child's play to me. Of course, I'm fucking up to it!

''{Lex laughs.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, just makin' sure, mon. Thanks, Hitomi. I'll send you the details through IRC.

'''HEADWIZ:''' I've got a shitload of new gadgets, and I've been itching to try them. Let's do this shit!

''{Cut to Garfield and Tracy in Surreal Cereals.}''

'''TRACY:''' That D'Arque bloke did what?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes, and I figured this would be the best way to punish him. So, you in?

'''TRACY:''' Blimey, Garfield. I dunno if I want to risk my good name to be tarnished. It might be hard to sell cereals in publique if this gets nasty.

'''GARFIELD:''' Don't worry about that. You'll have a disguise. Do you know any glamour spells, by any chance?

'''TRACY:''' Go smoke a pipe. I'm not quite at Archmage level myself. But yeah, I'm still in. I really do need the money.

'''GARFIELD:''' Chaos wanted us to meet at the Mattress Warehouse, where Lex works.

'''TRACY:''' I'll be there shortly. I'm sure you can use all the magical firepower you can get your hands on. Do you have anyone else?

'''GARFIELD:''' I just need to get a getaway driver, and I think we'll be good.

''{Cut to a large log-home in a hilly rural area. An instrumental of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iQXt-R470c "Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver] plays. A caption appears on-screen, reading "Phoenixshire, West Virginia." A young man with a short ginger walks out of the front door of the home. He is wearing a baseball cap, a plaid button-up shirt, and blue jeans with a belt. He is talking on his phone.}''

'''YOUNG MAN:''' So, ya sayin' that you need yourselves a getaway driver? Why, cuz, I'm just happy that ya thought'a me t'help you. Of course I'm in!

''{Mumbling on the other end of the phone.}''

'''YOUNG MAN:''' Oh, don't ya worry 'bout plane tickets, I'll be there. Any excuse to hang out is good enough for me. Besides, how can I pass up an opportunity to stick it to the big boys?

''{Mumbling.}''

'''YOUNG MAN:''' Aw nah, thank ''you!'' You can bet I'll bring my fastest ride. Why, I got me a wagon that can outrun any police car by miles. I'll see ya soon, man.

''{The man hangs up. A little girl runs out of the house and towards the man.}''

'''LITTLE GIRL:''' Who was that, Virgil? Was it one of those damn telemarketers again?

'''VIRGIL:''' Hey, watch yer swearin'! It ain't proper for such a young lady to use that kinda language. But nah, it was our Cousin Garf! He invited me over for a... um... friendly gatherin'.

'''LITTLE GIRL:''' Oh wow, can I come?

'''VIRGIL:''' Now, now, Melissa. I don't think Ma and Pa would like it if I took you to a city on the other side of the country. Not yet, at least. I'll tell Garf ya said hi, though. And maybe even a souvenir if you been good!

''{Virgil walks behind the house, where there is revealed to be a large garage full of cars. He walks up to one that is offscreen and smirks.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Now, ''this'' is a getaway vehicle.

''{Cut to Stephanie on her phone.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Okay, so you guys have the Security? Good, I don't exactly trust my newfound allies to pack any heat. Though, Leigh might be useful in a fight... I'll have to assess him.

''{More muffled noises.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Be here in thirty minutes. Farewell.

''{Stephanie hangs up. She walks over to Jacqueline, who is taking a call herself.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Sir, I assure you. Our security is top notch.

''{Mumbling.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Right. That's understandable. Alright. I will see you soon.

''{Jacqueline gets off the phone.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' That was Mr. "Alistair Hawthorne," one of the guests for tomorrow evening. He is incredibly paranoid about our level of security and he wishes to check for himself whether or not it is up to his standards.

''{She looks at Leigh, who is standing next to her.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I trust that you will be able to escort this man around? Enough to alleviate his concerns, at least?

'''LEIGH:''' Of course! I can do that!

''{Cut to Chaos, Lex, Garfield, Headwiz, and Tracy, who are gathered in the office room of Mattress Warehouse, which has been converted into a planning room with a drawing board and everything. "Alistair Hawthorne" is revealed to be Tracy, who just got off the phone.}''

'''TRACY:''' ''{In a fake-Australian accent.}'' How did I do, mates?

'''CHAOS:''' I just don't know why you had to use that ridiculous accent.

'''TRACY:''' Mock me for my accents as much as you like; you're the one who got laughed out by a bunch of hipsters.

''{Headwiz bursts into laughter.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' BUT CHAOS IS THE ULTIMATE HIPSTER! I MEAN, WHO CALLS HIMSELF "CHAOS," ANYWAY?

'''CHAOS:''' It was the name I chose for myself when I went to magic school!

''{Chaos shrugs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' It just sort of stuck!

'''TRACY:''' I dunno why you still use it. I abandoned mine a long time ago.

'''LEX:''' What was yours, mon?

'''TRACY:''' ..."Darkheart."

''{Headwiz laughs even harder.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' HAH, WHAT A STUPID NAME! THAT'S LIKE CHAOS, BUT EVEN WORSE!

'''TRACY:''' You know a lot about stupid names, "Headwiz."

'''HEADWIZ:''' Screw you, Headwiz is a cool hacker name. You don't know shit about cool names.

'''GARFIELD:''' I think they're all cool names if it means anything.

'''CHAOS:''' It doesn't.

'''TRACY:''' Hey, where's our getaway driver?

'''GARFIELD:''' He's on his way. He'll be here by tomorrow.

'''HEADWIZ:''' It's a shame Elhera ain't here. This heist is a total sausagefest.

'''CHAOS:''' You're only saying that because you liked to ogle her.

''{Headwiz shrugs.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' What can I say? She was fuckin' hot.

'''LEX:''' To be fair, we're not doin' well in regards to diversity. We're all a buncha humans. She would'a least fit the bill for a non-human.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, come on. What is this? An affirmative action crime caper?

''{Tracy raises his hand.}''

'''TRACY:''' If it means anything, my nonna was partly Elven.

'''CHAOS:''' It doesn't. Anyway, let's get to the real shit, shall we? We all know our roles in this, correct?

''{Everybody nods.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Great. Tomorrow evening, we are going to rob the biggest event in Townindale. They're gonna raise some funds, but we're gonna raise the roof!

'''HEADWIZ:''' Lame fuckin' line, Chaos.

'''CHAOS:''' Shut up! Anyway, are we all good for tomorrow?

''{Everybody cheers.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Fuckin' A! After this is all done, we'll all be dining on steak and champagne!

''{Tracy raises his hand.}''

'''TRACY:''' I'm a vegetarian.

'''CHAOS:''' ...Steak and champagne, plus any vegetarian options!

''{Everybody cheers. Cut to Xavier D'Arque being escorted into the Gauzy Girl Theatre by a small greyish-green goblin in a suit.}''

'''XAVIER:''' So you're from the Bayou. What's it like there? I've never actually been.

'''DROLL:''' It's a bit of a shithole, but it's ''my'' shithole, y'know?

'''XAVIER:''' I get you. Sometimes I get tired of the high life, myself. I envy people like you. I've seen pictures and videos from ''those areas.'' You all look so poor, but you seem so happy.

'''DROLL:''' ''{Sarcastically}'' Gee. Thanks.

''{The two go through the dusty and abandoned theatre until they reach the backstage area, which has been redecorated in the style of a colonial-era throneroom. Sitting in the throne is a man with rotted flesh and a mostly visible skull, dressed in dapper and dusty clothing. Droll bows to the undead individual before exiting the scene. The individual stands up as Xavier goes over to shake his hand.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I have followed your advice to the letter. The fundraiser is tomorrow, and everything is going entirely to plan.

'''????:''' You have done well in following my orders, Xavier. It won't be long until the D'Arque family name is returned to its former glory, and ''you'' will take your rightful place as the head of it, with ''me'' by your side.

''{Zoom out of the theatre as the camera pans towards a nearby cemetery. Lightning strikes as the episode ends.}''

Wikihood/characters/Ned

2018-10-30T13:54:51Z

Remolay:

==Basic Info==
Leigh's younger and infinitely more succesful brother. A lawyer with an obsession with DDR and a compulsion to help his brother out even after all this time. He spends a large amount of time playing Dance Dance Revolution and not a lot of time in court. He disguised himself as a human through the use of low level magic.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: "Ned More"
*Gender: Male
*Age: Younger than Leigh
*Birth Date: August 7th
*Birth Place: The Deep
*Species: Elf
*Ethnicity / Race: Low Elf (Drow, Appears African American human)
*Height: 5'9''
*Build: Buff
*Eyes: Red
*Skin Color: Very dark grey, near jet black
*Hair Color: Dark Brown (Dyed)

== Theme Song ==
{{YouTube|JHwDt2py3NQ}}

'''Vicky Vale''' - Dancing

Wikihood/characters/NuRemo

2018-10-30T12:59:00Z

Remolay:

==Basic Info==
Leigh More is perpetually down on his luck. As an elf with little to no magical talent he was always considered a failure, especially when compared to his brother. The only thing seemingly magical about him is his hair, which grows spectacularly fast, which is a nuisance because he prefers to keep his head shaved. Aside from a two year position in Santa’s Workshop, he has been unable to hold a job for more than a week due to mysterious circumstances. Having lost a great job opportunity and his girlfriend, Leigh is stuck in Townindale just trying to survive.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: "Leigh More"
*Gender: Male
*Age: ??? (Young by Elven standards)
*Birth Date: September 21st
*Birth Place: The Deep
*Currently Living In: Townindale, Republic Island, USA
*Species: Elf
*Ethnicity / Race: Low Elf (Drow)
*Citizenship: ???
*Religion / Beliefs: Ancestor Worship
*Height: 5'7''
*Build: Normal
*Eyes: Red
*Skin Color: Very dark grey, near jet black.
*Hair Color: Silver (Shaved)

== Theme Song ==
{{YouTube|YgSPaXgAdzE}}

'''Beck''' - Loser

Wikihood/eps/2

2018-10-25T04:41:06Z

Remolay:

==Summary==
Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!

==Transcript==
''{Open on a cellphone ringing with a midi rendition of the "No More Brothers" remix of "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury. Leigh wakes up with a quick yelp and answers the phone. He has a full head of glorious silver hair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You've reached the house of the... Screw it I can't be arsed. Hello?

'''NED:''' ''{Through phone}'' 'Lay? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

'''LEIGH:''' You definitely heard right. I was in a plane hijacking, but that was evidently not enough to reschedule the interview.

''{Cut to Ned, setting up A DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his high rise apartment.}''

'''NED:''' Wait, that means... ah, shit. You alright, bro?

''{Cut to Leigh sitting in his bed a close-up on his face}''

'''LEIGH:''' Uh, yeah... um... No. I'm not; I'm stuck in Townindale, in the back of a wig maker's shop. Job hunt's not going well.

'''NED:''' Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie. right?

''{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed, which is just an old mattress in a nearly empty room.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, about that. You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues? Well she uh... She finally got sick of it and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

'''NED:''' ''{sighs}'' Look, I'll help you out a bit. I'm sending you some money, get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

''{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine}''

'''NED:''' Maybe you dont, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud.

''{Ned presses the start button, the machine yells "DDRMAX!"}''

'''LEIGH:''' Alright... Thanks, brother.

''{Fade to black. The song "Loser" by Beck begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the Riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, Bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip - his resume. A guy with a boombox walks by and Loser beings to fade out. Leigh looks at the boombox guy funny, and walks off to a tailor. Cut to him entering the tailor's shop, where he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, wearing a snazzy vest and glasses.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow. It's not often I run into another one in this town! How may I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken. I am a human.

'''TAILOR:''' With pointy ears?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''TAILOR:''' And dark, bluish-purple skin? And white eyebrows?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have a condition.

''{The tailor looks perplexed for a couple of seconds before his expression turns into one of disappointment.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Right. Anyway, how can I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm new to this town and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hireable.

''{The tailor furrows his brow.}''

'''TAILOR:''' I know exactly what to put you in.

''{Cut to Leigh leaving the Tailor's in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring. He picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background while Ned sounds out of breath.}''

'''NED:''' You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' That was like, an hour ago.

'''NED:''' Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association, one of the most illustrious companies in the city!

'''LEIGH:''' Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that?

'''NED:''' I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine during a conference. Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. I don't know what to say.

'''NED:''' You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes. She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

'''LEIGH:''' Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

'''NED:''' Sure you do. Look at the horizon. You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia?

''{Leigh looks behind him, in the distance to see the building is far away. It sticks out in its obviousness, as shown by the dark cloud that looms over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah.

'''NED:''' Good. That one. Top floor. Now ''hurry!''

''{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a kid (same kid from episode 1) wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid and pulls a deck of cards from his front pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

'''KID:''' No way! I already own all the best cards!

''{Leigh shifts through the deck and pulls out a single card that he shows to the kid.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet you don't have a holographic Dorothy Zbornak attack card, 1994 limited edition, signed by Bea Arthur herself.

''{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}''

'''KID:''' Hoooo-lyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

''{Cut to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting inbetween cars as he rushes to the evil building. He grumbles to himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I gave away my best card for this job. It better be worth it!

''{Leigh turns the corner and run into Lex and Chaos, crashing into Chaos and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground and drops his Resume. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates Leigh, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, Leigh looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The Drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

''{Cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, Mr. More, I must admit your resume is not impressive.

''{Cut to the meeting room where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh, whose suit has gotten dirtied from more falls. Jacqueline flips through his resume, which has become moderately crumpled}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took that one out.

'''JACQUELINE:''' It's preposterous! Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

'''LEIGH:''' Oh no, I ''did'' work for Santa Claus. Pretended to be an elf for a good two years. Poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

''{Jacqueline puts his resume down and appears to have completely checked out, already deciding that Leigh is not getting the job.}''

'''LEIGH:''' So, this is going to be awkward, but... Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

'''JACQUELINE:''' ''{stifling laughter}'' Lawyers, am I right?

'''LEIGH:''' He's my brother.

''{Jacqueline looks Leigh up and down. She decides to forget about it and move on.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Of course, why wouldn't he be. Very well; next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

'''LEIGH:''' Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

''{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling and gives a loud sigh. She gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh, whose smile does not drop. Cut to her getting a drink of water when Jules appears from nowhere}''

'''JULES:''' Yo, Aunty!

''{Jacqueline yelps and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise, and turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

'''JULES:''' Yeah, sorry 'bout that, Aunty. Hey that Elf-

'''JACQUELINE:''' He insists he's a Human. I'm not sure why.

'''JULES:''' That ''Human'' who came in to interview, his name ain't Leigh, is it?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Do you happen to know him from somewhere?

'''JULES:''' Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

'''JACQUELINE:''' How long ago was that?

'''JULES:''' Yesterday.

''{Jacqueline pauses to think.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' He did not ''look'' to be recently shot...

'''JULES:''' Yeah, no yeah. But he was gonna. Pushed me out of the way. Lucky he didn't get hit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' And you're telling me this, why?

'''JULES:''' You gotta hire him, aunty. I owe him a favor after that shit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' I don't know if that's the wisest choice. He has no qualifications.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, but I'd be ''dead'' without him!

''{Jacqueline sighs.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I think I can arrange something. No promises.

''{Cut back to the meeting room, Leigh's smile unending. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a bottle of wine and a few sheets of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' You've got the job, More.

''{Leigh's smile fades and he starts the stand up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

''{Leigh falls to the floor as he is still wearing rollerskates.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Just as a head's up, rollerskates are not appropriate attire for a professional interview.

''{He lifts his head up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' I was recently informed that you saved my idiot nephew's life, and I can see that you're frazzled, likely as a result. So, yes. You got the job.

''{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand..}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this Ms. Rosenberg!

''{Jacqueline shakes Leigh's hand more firmly, in response.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' I highly doubt that.

'''LEIGH:'''By the way, just what is my job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Telemarketer. To let you know, you start tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these-

''{Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, and sits down.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Come back with them tomorrow.

'''LEIGH:''' Once again, I thank you for the position! You won't regret this, I swear it!

''{Leigh runs out the door, papers in tow. After he leaves, Jacqueline takes out a bottle of wine and begins chugging from it. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I have a job!

''{He slows as a realization hits him.}''

'''LEIGH:''' But I'm out a Dorothy card. Darn...

''{A voice is heard offscreen.}''

'''JULES:''' Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

''{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}''

'''JULES:''' What is up, my "Drotha?"

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you h-... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

'''JULES:''' Oh shit fam, was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin', I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

'''LEIGH:''' No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken, I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a Human.

''{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}''

'''JULES:''' Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit, man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-

''{Leigh takes a few seconds to process what had happened.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, is Ms. Rosenberg your aunt?

'''JULES:''' You betcha, fam!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh wow. So I guess I should thank ''you'' for getting me the job!

'''JULES:''' Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

''{Cut to the scene on the plane from Episode 1. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

''{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

''{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}''

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

'''LEIGH:''' I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

''{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard as somebody begins to engage Mr. Davies.}''

'''JULES:''' Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

'''JULES:''' You think you and your lil' buddies can just waltz on up and hijack my plane, huh?

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones.}''

''{Cut back. Mr. Davies points the gun at Jules.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

''{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, sir; I just need a little bit of air!

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, wait! You're going to get yourself killed!

''{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way in doing so. At the same time, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him, revealing that the bullet was a blank.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Oi, that's a blank!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Of course it is! I wasn't going to fire an actual gun on an airplane! I just expected you all to comply!

'''LEIGH:''' GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

''{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces, propelling him forward, where his fist hits Mr. Davies in the face, knocking him out in one hit. He rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead. He is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}''

'''HIJACKER:''' Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

'''LEIGH:''' SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM.

'''HIJACKER:''' Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

''{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second as punching sounds are heard. After the screen is back, the two hijackers are out-cold on the ground. He rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror, before proceeding to throw up in the toilet. After regaining his composure, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}''

'''MADELYN:''' What the hell did you just do?!

'''JULES:''' That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}''

'''FRANK:''' Wait-wait-what?!

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''JULES:''' How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

'''LEIGH:''' I uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

''{Jules laughs}''

'''JULES:''' Shit man, if that was panic you gotta panic more often. Hey uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You my aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

'''LEIGH:''' Telemarketing. Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

'''JULES:''' Fuck, that's boring. I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

'''LEIGH:''' Please don't.

'''JULES:''' Nah, I gotta do it. A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me.

'''LEIGH:''' I'd really rather prove I can hold a job before anything else

'''JULES:''' Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

''{Jules slaps Leighs back, a little harder than he intendid}''

'''JULES:''' Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

'''LEIGH:''' We do?

'''JULES:''' New job, motherfucker. I'm takin' you to the best bar in town!

'''LEIGH:''' You're the reason I have the job in the first place. And beside that I've only got money for rent. And it's like noon.

'''JULES:''' You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat. Well, the time thing matters. I'll come get ya around six. Where you live?

''{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now and calms down a bit}''

'''LEIGH:''' You know that wig shop on third?

'''JULES:''' The one that just anounced they were using elf hair?

''{Leigh drops his face entirely and mutters under his breath}''

'''LEIGH:''' That motherfucker... ''{Normal volume}'' Yeah that's the one. I live in back of that.

'''JULES:''' Cool, see ya at 6.

''{Cut to a black screen with the words "Later that evening..."}''

'''LEIGH:''' You sure this is the best bar in town?

''{Fade in to reveal Leigh and Jules in front of a bar called "The Angry Bull," which looks run down from the outside}''

'''JULES:''' Hell yeah it is. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, know what I'm saying?

''{Leigh and Jules enter the bar, the inside is a very well maintained tavern with a respectable amount of patrons with a few spaces open at the bar. Several Gnomes are running the place. Leigh is stunned. That patrons instantly take notice of Jules entering the bar.}''

'''EVERYONE:''' JULES!

'''JULES:''' Next round's on me boys! My man Laid-More just got a new job and we celebrating tonight!

''{Everyone cheers as Jules and Leigh take their seats at the bar. A few gnomes jump around serving everyone their drinks. Leigh sips his drink nervously. He starts to realize that today has been a good day all things considered and begins to smile as a chiptune version of "Thank you for being a friend" starts playing in the background. Leigh takes notice and looks to find a Golden Girls pinball machine in a corner. He gets up and starts singing along to the point where the chiptune is as he walks up to it. All other sounds fade.}''

'''LEIGH:''' And if you threw a party 
Invited everyone you knew 
You would see the biggest gift would be from me 
And the card attatched would say "Thank you for being a friend" 

''{He puts a couple of quarters into the machine, starts the game, and launches the ball. The ball falls straight into the left drain.}''

'''MACHINE:''' ''{Sophia's voice}'' Don't move.

''{The ball launches again and falls down the center drain immediately instead. The Game Over sound plays.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh for the love of- It was only one ball!

''{Leigh checks his pockets.}''

'''JULES:''' Ran out of quarters?

'''LEIGH:''' I think so. Frickin' rip off anyway.

'''JULES:''' I just noticed you like Golden Girls. Fave show?

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah. It's been a childhood staple of mine.

''{Leigh looks at Jules, whose outfit is more disheveled. The Drow is suddenly taken aback.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wh-

'''JULES:''' Relax, relax. This happens ''allllllll'' of the time!

''{Jules stumbles closer to Leigh.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I think I had an important call to make-

''{Leigh darts over to the mens' restroom. He attempts to dial Madelyn's number.}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

''{Leigh ends up unable to reach Maddie.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Crap.

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' What's the matter?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have...

'''JULES:''' Severe anxiety issues nobody else picks up on? I should've picked up on it sooner!

''{Leigh blinks.}''

'''LEIGH:''' How are you so understanding-

'''JULES:''' Aunty gets the same way. You and her have that in common, I guess.

''{Leigh looks unnerved.}''

'''JULES:''' I don't mean it in a ''bad'' way.

''{Leigh nods slowly.}''

'''JULES:''' You're a good lad. Question now is, are we still cool?

'''LEIGH:''' I... I think so!

'''JULES:''' Alright. I'm gonna letcha have some ''{hic}'' time to yourself. It only serves right that I do that. Once you're ready... we can go back to your place.

''{Jules exits offscreen. For a few seconds, Leigh takes some deep breaths. The shot shows him opening the door to go back to the main part of the bar, but fades to black thereafter. End episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/1

2018-10-25T04:06:28Z

Remolay:

== Summary ==
Oh, not again.

== Transcript ==

''{Open to a long, sweeping shot of an unnamed town set to light classical music. The camera pans up to the clear, blue sky. A distant plane flies across the screen from right to left. As the title fades, cut to a slow, panning close up of the plane, where we see various passengers through the windows. Opening titles play along the bottom of the screen. Cut to inside the plane. A dolly shot takes the camera down the aisle. Flight attendants check with passengers, babies cry, etc. The camera reaches a door marked "First Class," which opens to let the camera continue through. Eventually, the camera passes a booth filled with smoke.}''

''{Cut to a shot inside the smoke. Coughing his lungs up, Jules Rosenberg tries to clear the smoke with his hand, revealing himself and his father, Frank Rosenberg, who is happily puffing on a cigar.}''

'''JULES ROSENBERG:''' Fuck, dad! Can't you slow down on the cigars for a little while, man?

'''FRANK ROSENBERG:''' ''{points at Jules}'' Don't talk to your father like that.

'''JULES:''' ''{groans}'' This sucks. I'm outta here.

''{Jules exits the booth.}''

'''FRANK:''' Yeah, fine. Just don't try to jump out of the plane again.

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' That was ''one'' time!

''{The camera pans out with Jules, before leaving him momentarily to pan over another booth. Two men in flashy clothes sit at a booth, eating a plate of bratwurst as they look over the window. There's three cups at the booth, as they chat peacefully. Soon, however, the peace is broken as their traveling companion rejoins them, the short Italian sitting next to one of them, as he begins rolling up a blunt.}''

'''DANNY:''' Ya know, they call it the 'Oceanic Flight 420', but it doesn't even cross over the ocean! It's entirely a continental flight! At least the 420's accurate.

'''ROY:''' Danny, please, please don't smoke that next to me. I'll inhale the second hand smoke an-

'''DANNY:''' Roy, shut the fuck up. This is a free country. I can smoke wherever I want!

''{The other man pauses from his bratwurst to make a short quip, going back to eating once he's done.}''

'''SIEGFRIED:''' Actually, marijuana's illegal, Danny.

'''DANNY:''' Yeah, yeah, whatever, Siegfried. Look, let's just sit down and relax. We'll be back in New York soon. What's the worst that could happen, Roy gets second-hand lung cancer?

'''ROY:''' Yes.

'''DANNY:''' Shut the fuck up, Roy!

''{The camera eventually pans away from the group, panning to a tall bald man with skin that is impossibly dark, almost Drow like in nature, who looks quite timid actually, and a red haired chick with fancy red clothing.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I wonder how my brother is doing.

''{Cut to a man with flowing brown hair who looks not unlike Leigh but more human in a nice suit, playing DDR perfectly}''

'''NED:''' ''{singing along with the machine}'' Hey Mr. Wonderful, Oh you're so incredible. Hey Mr. Wonderful, Wonderful to me...

''{Cut back to Leigh and Madelyn on the plane}''

'''MADELYN:''' Probably boring legal work...

''{Pan over to a gorilla, dressed in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt. He is listening to music on his walkman while doing a crossword. He is singing along.}''

'''BRUCE:''' I bless the rains down in Afffff-riiii-caaaaaaaa~

''{Bruce's booth suddenly has another person in it, sitting next to him by the window. The masked creature glances briefly at the crossword, before glancing at the window, before speaking without any identifying gender or inflection to their voice.}''

'''GOD COMPLEX:''' 7 across, ''gazebo''.

''{Bruce concentrates on that part of the crossword before writing it down.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Strewth, that's it! Thanks, man!

''{Bruce smiles at God Complex, before looking puzzled.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Wait, were ya sittin' there a minute ago?

''{Suddenly, an explosion is heard as the entire plane interior is engulfed in smoke.}''

'''BRUCE:''' What the fu-...

'''????:''' EVERYBODY SIT THE FUCK DOWN, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. THIS IS A HIJACK!

''{As the smoke clears, it becomes clear who the culprits are. Andrew Davies, leader of the Welsh Liberation Army, a notorious Welsh-Separatist terrorist group, is standing in the middle of the airplane, along with two of his goons.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' FOR TOO LONG IN HISTORY, THE WELSH HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED. WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO WORK IN INTERNATIONAL NOODLE MINES IN HORRENDOUS AND DANGEROUS CONDITIONS, ALL SO THE BOUGEOSIE CAN ENJOY FRESH NOODLES. BUT FOR NO LONGER SHALL THIS BE THE CASE, FOR THE WELSH DRAGON HAS AWAKENED, AND THE WELSH DRAGON IS PISSED!

''{Madelyn puts her hand up, as if to say something.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' What is it?

'''MADELYN:''' Can I have a coke? Diet please, I'm trying to keep my figure.

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I- um, don't you understand that we are a-

'''GOD COMPLEX:''' Ah yes, may I have a coffee please? No milk or sugar, just black.

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' What? Are you really going to-

''{Andrew gets more visibly flustered as nobody in the plane is taking him or his goons seriously.}''

'''DANNY:''' Hey, have you seen my trollfoot?

''{Danny proceeds to take the shoe and sock off one of his feet, revealing his trollfoot in all its glory.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I... can't believe you-

'''BRUCE:''' Don't you understand, mate? Nobody takes the Welsh seriously. And this is comin' from a talkin' Australian gorilla.

''{Zoom out to the plane's exterior, until it is shown as a news report on a local television station. A woman, in her mid-30s, of Middle-Eastern heritage is sitting at a desk, is reporting the news as it happens.}''

'''ANCHOR:''' According to a report by one of the airline attendants, the hijacker is none other than the leader of the Welsh Liberation Army, Andrew Davies. Davies has been known for previous stunts in the past, such as a public demonstration in Trafalgar Square in London, England where he-...

''{The anchor's voice fades into the background as the camera zooms out to reveal that the small TV is sitting on the desk of a guard working at the Intake and Release department of the Republic Island Correctional Facility. The guard, who is an overweight Orc male in his early-30s, is sitting back in his chair and watching the television while munching on a chocolate donut.}''

'''ORC GUARD:''' Welsh terrorists? Gimme a break!

''{The guard snorts in laughter as a bell rings, and the door to the room opens. He quickly turns the television off and sits upright as another Orc Guard, a physically fit female in her late-20s, walks into the room, escorting a male human prisoner, who is in handcuffs. The prisoner is in his mid-20s and short in stature, with messy black hair, pale white skin, and purple eyes. He is gaunt, with bags underneath his eyes which suggest either a lack of sleep, or a lack of nutrition. He yawns as he is escorted to the desk. The female Orc Guard undoes the handcuffs and then instructs him to put his hands on the top of the desk.}''

'''FEMALE ORC GUARD:''' Put your hands on the desk, where everyone can see them.

'''PRISONER:''' Yeah, yeah. I get ya.

''{He complies with the order as the male Orc Guard pulls out a ledger and searches for the prisoner.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' A release at 3:30 AM...

''{He scrolls through the ledger to search for the prisoner's report before finding it.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Ah! Here it is. Felix Abraxas Zabat, is that right?

''{The prisoner smirks.}''

'''PRISONER:''' Yeah. But everyone calls me Chaos.

'''FEMALE ORC GUARD:''' Nobody calls him that.

''{Chaos' expression turns to that of mild annoyance.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' According to the record, you were sentenced to five years in prison, and yet you were paroled two years earlier due to good behavior. Nice one.

''{The guard puts the ledger down.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' So. Did you learn anything from your time here?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah. To not get caught.

''{The female guard lightly slaps Chaos on the back of the head. He recoils.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ow! Yeah, yeah! To um, not commit any more crimes, to be a good and functioning member of society, yadda yadda. You know the stuff.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Nice, nice. Well, I better give you your stuff back, huh. Do you want us to arrange your transport, or do you-

'''CHAOS:''' Don't worry, I've got a ride ready. It's a nice ride too, I assure you.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Alright, gimme a sec.

''{The guard stands up and walks to a nearby locker. He presses in the number combination to the lock and opens the door, before taking out a small tray of belongings, with a neatly-folded pile of clothing on top.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Lemme check and see if everythin's all here...

''{The male guard looks at the list as Chaos looks back at the female guard behind him. The male guard checks off items as he reads them.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Black shirt... check. Black jeans... check. Leather belt... check. Skull belt buckle... check. Toshiteck Cassette Player... check. Wallet... check. Credit card... check. Oh, um. Condoms... check. Klaus Nomi cassette... check. And a Ring of Destruction... check. Does all this sound right to you?

'''CHAOS:''' Sounds about right to me, man.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Awesome. Agrob, you may escort him outside.

''{A buzz is heard from outside.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, that must be my ride. Nice!

''{Chaos is escorted outside of the prison by the female guard as the male guard looks at the security camera footage. He chuckles to himself.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Nice ride, huh?

''{Cut to the exterior of the prison. Chaos walks out, looking triumphant until he sees what is in front of him. His look turns into one of distress. The female guard smugly grins as she looks at what greets Chaos.}''

'''AGROB:''' Nice ride, eh?

''{Pan over to reveal that Chaos' ride is an old and rusted ice cream truck, and sitting in the driver's seat is a young man, appearing to be his mid-20s, with tanned skin and dark blond hair. He is wearing a red and blue bowling shirt and acid-washed jeans. He leans out of the window and waves.}''

'''????:''' YO, CHAOS! OVER HERE!!

''{The man presses the truck's horn, which plays [https://youtu.be/y9cwF-jxZaA la cucracha].}''

'''CHAOS:''' W-what. I-.. I-...

'''AGROB:''' Is this the ride you were talking about?

''{Chaos turns around, shaking with indignation. Before he can answer, he is slapped on the back by the young man who has exited the truck and walked over to his location.}''

'''????:''' Chaos, mon! I missed ya!

'''AGROB:''' Are you sure you don't know him?

'''????:''' Know 'im? Hah, of course 'e knows me! I'm 'is guardian!

''{The man holds his hand out over Chaos' head, in front of Agrob, for a handshake.}''

'''LEX:''' Me name's Lex, and I am 'is ride!

''{Agrob shakes Lex's hand, and Chaos sighs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You told me you found a "sick new ride that would be super dope". I was expecting a Lambo or something similar, not this!

'''LEX:''' One o' me pals spruced up this truck, after I found it in the scrapyard for a hunnid buckaroos! Do ya know how much of a bargain this was?

''{Agrob laughs.}''

'''AGROB:''' I'm sure you'll get used to it... Chaos.

''{Chaos facepalms.}''

'''LEX:''' Relax, brudda. I got us a nice place down in Townindale, you'll love it.

'''CHAOS:''' Townindale? Oh. Ohhhhh. Well, this changes things entirely! Hell yeah! What kind of place is it? A big house? A mansion? ...Two mansions?

'''LEX:''' You'll see, man. You'll see.

''{Chaos looks at Agrob.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I guess this is goodbye then. I would say that I will miss this place, but I would be wrong in doing so! Haha!

'''AGROB:''' Right, yeah. Enjoy your freedom, Felix.

'''CHAOS:''' The name is Chaos!

'''AGROB:''' Keep yourself out of trouble. I would prefer to never see you here again.

''{Chaos and Lex begin to walk back to the truck. Lex looks back.}''

'''LEX:''' I'll assure ya, I'll keep 'im away from the bad stuff!

''{The two hop into the truck, with Lex in the driver's seat. The truck speeds off almost immediately.}''

'''CHAOS:''' FREEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!!!!!!!!

''{Agrob sighs, before going back into the compound. Cut to Lex and Chaos driving down the highway, with the news radio playing.}''

'''ANCHOR:''' After a terrifying standoff with the military, Davies and his goons were successfully subdued, and all the passangers of the plane felt relief as nobody was seriously hurt or injured. This is Sarah Khoroushi, and you are listening to the-...

''{Chaos turns the dial, switching the radio off.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, I was listenin' to that!

'''CHAOS:''' It bored me.

'''LEX:''' I've been followin' that story for the past couple of hours, mate!

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, at least you actually got to do stuff. Do you know how boring it was in there? Three years, man.

'''LEX:''' Better than five.

'''CHAOS:''' Easy to say when you're not the one who got caught. You made off with the cash at least, so I can at least be happy about that.

'''LEX:''' Yeah... heh.

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? Let's put the radio back on. It's been ages until I've actually listened to music, y'know? Proper music, not the stuff they play in the prisons. The good stuff.

'''LEX:''' I gotcha, man.

''{Lex turns the dial on the car stereo, moving through various FM frequencies until Chaos shoves his hand away, leaving the radio on a station playing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONoi86Zyj3k I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You, by the Alan Parsons Project.]}''

'''CHAOS:''' Keep it on this one. ''This,'' this is the good stuff.

'''LEX:''' There's something I should probably tell-...

'''CHAOS:''' Shh. No words. Just listen to the music. I need this. I've needed this for three fucking years, man.

''{Zoom out to a montage of the truck driving on the highway by the sea as the music plays. As dawn begins to appear, the Wikihood show title appears over the glistening waters, illuminated by the rising sun. As the truck begins to enter a small city, we cut back to the interior.}''

'''LEX:''' We're almost there!

'''CHAOS:''' A place in Townindale, of all cities? I knew you wouldn't let me down. It took me three years of hell, but we made it man. We're finally in paradise.

''{Chaos sticks his head out of the window, looking at the beautiful metropolis outside.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Can you smell the air? It smells like freedom, doesn't it? You and me, we hit the big shots! All that money, oh man, oh man.

''{As the truck goes further through downtown, Chaos turns to Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We're going a little far into the city, eh?

'''LEX:''' Heh, yip.

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, I imagine the rich parts are more on the outskirts, eh? Around the suburbs?

'''LEX:''' Ehhhh...

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? I'm probably distracting you, I apologize. I'll shut up, and I'll let you surprise me. This is going to be so awesome! I'll close my eyes. Tell me when to open them.

''{Cut to the exterior of the truck the surrounding city scenery becomes less and less aesthetically pleasing until it becomes almost entirely dilapidated. Lex peers his head out of the window, where he sees a sign which says "Little Moscow." He drives the truck slightly further before it stops at "Katyushas", a small Eastern-European deli. Cut back to the truck's interior.}''

'''LEX:''' You can open ya eyes now.

''{Chaos opens his eyes and looks outside. He turns to Lex, perplexed.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What? This is just a pierogi bar.

''{Lex opens the door of the truck and gets out, before opening Chaos' door, motioning for him to get out. The two walk into the deli as Chaos gets more and more upset by what he's seeing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't understand... this isn't where we're living, is it?

''{Lex leads Chaos to a door in the back, which reveals a staircase to the second floor of the building. As the two ascend, Chaos's face turns from one of sadness to anger.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is not where we live is it? We're just visiting a friend? Right?

''{Lex doesn't answer. He carries on through what is now an apartment corridor before reaching another door, which he opens, with Chaos behind him. Through the door is a small and grungy two-bedroom apartment, with brick walls, exposed pipes, and flickering lights. Lex turns around and smiles at Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' Tah-daaaa!!!

''{Chaos callously pushes past Lex as he gets inside the apartment.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What is this? This isn't a mansion, this isn't a big house, is a... tiny roach shack!

''{A voice is heard from the kitchen.}''

'''????:''' I happen to like the roaches, thank you very much!

''{Chaos turns to Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Who is this?

'''LEX:''' E's our roommate.

'''CHAOS:''' ROOMMATE?!

''{Coming from the kitchen is a man looking to be in his early-30s, tall in stature, yet skinny like a beanpole. He is wearing a thick pair of glasses, along with a wifebeater with a blue buttoned shirt which is open, and a pair of shorts. On his feet are a pair of bunny slippers. He looks slightly disheveled, with scruffy brown hair, and a five o'clock shadow. In his hand is a glass of liquid of indiscernible origin, from which he takes momentary sips.}''

'''LEX:''' Eyy, Garfield!!

'''GARFIELD:''' Hola, Lex. I suppose this is the roommate you've been telling me about?

'''LEX:''' 'Iis name is Chaos!

''{Lex runs and jumps on the couch, without bothering to take off his shoes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' What kind of name is Chaos?

'''CHAOS:''' My real name is Feli-...

'''GARFIELD:''' You might as well have called yourself something like "The Edgymancer".

'''CHAOS:''' What? Are you trying to say that Chaos isn't-

'''GARFIELD:''' The Edgymancer. Now that is a cool name.

''{Garfield shuffles closer to Chaos in order to take a more detailed look at him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You look troubled.

'''CHAOS:''' I kinda am, actually, because I was expecting a-

'''GARFIELD:''' Would you like a Naminade?

'''CHAOS:''' What the hell is a Naminade?

'''LEX:''' Oh man, pour me out a glass too, Gar! I am parched!

''{Garfield shuffles back into the kitchen, where he pulls out a pitcher from the fridge.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It is a beverage of my own concoction. I mix Jolt Cola with Japanese Sake and Fruit Punch.

'''LEX:''' It's delicious, I promise you.

''{Garfield pours out two glasses and hand delivers them to Lex and Chaos, who proceed to take a sip.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Sometimes I substitute the fruit punch for grape soda... sometimes I put freshly squeezed lemon in the mixture, or I use cider instead of sake. Sometimes I put Midol in it, because I like the added danger.

''{Lex chugs his glass down, as Chaos puts it down and backs away.}''

'''CHAOS:''' S-suddenly I'm not so thirsty.

''{Chaos looks at Lex and frowns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So, let us address the elephant in the room, shall we?

'''LEX:''' Don't be mean, Chaos! Garfield is not an elephant!

'''GARFIELD:''' I can understand how some people may think I am, however, due to this incident back in 2006 where I-

'''CHAOS:''' We're gonna have this discussion ''in private,'' thank you.

''{Chaos grabs Lex and takes him into one of the bedrooms, and closes the door behind them.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, firstly, what the fuck. And secondly, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

'''LEX:''' Chaos, you seem really on-edge today, what's been bothering you?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, nothing really. Absolutely nothing. What on Earth could be bothering me right now, huh?

''{Lex smiles.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, I'm really glad you're not bothered! Good for ya, man! I don't know why you had to take me into this room to tell me this, but I am happy for-

'''CHAOS:''' OF COURSE I AM FUCKING BOTHERED, LEX. HOW COULD I NOT BE BOTHERED AFTER SPENDING THREE FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON, WHILE ''YOU'' GOT TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF THE OUTDOORS, HUH?! I THOUGHT, OH HEY, I'M GETTING THE BOOK THROWN AT ME, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT BECAUSE AT LEAST LEX MADE OFF WITH THE MILLIONS AND THINGS WOULD BE AWESOME WHEN I GOT OUT. I COULD HAVE A SUPER EXPENSIVE CAR, AND A MANSION, AND MY VERY OWN HOT ELF SERVANT, AND WE COULD GO ON ALL SORTS OF WILD AND WACKY ADVENTURES DOING CRAZY SHIT, LIKE EXPLORING UNDERSEA KINGDOMS, HAVING KOOKY SHENANIGANS IN ASIA, GOING TO SPACE, ALL THE COOL STUFF THAT RICH PEOPLE DO. BUT NOPE. WE GOT A DINGY LITTLE ICE CREAM TRUCK, AND A SHITTY LITTLE APARTMENT IN A SLUM. I SPENT THREE YEARS IN PRISON FOR THIS, LEX. THREE FUCKING Y-

''{Chaos' rant is interrupted by Lex slapping him in the face.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ow!

'''LEX:''' Chaos, chill.

'''CHAOS:''' HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHILL WHEN YOU-

''{Lex slaps him again, angering Chaos to the point where his face is red.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I SWEAR TO THE GODS IF YOU SMACK ME ONE MORE TIME, I WILL-

''{Lex slaps him a third time. Chaos looks noticeably less angry.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, I'm chill now. I admit, I got a little out of hand there, I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell like that, but-

''{Lex slaps Chaos a fourth time.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I said I was chill!

'''LEX:''' Oh, sorry, it was a reflex.

'''CHAOS:''' But no, really. What happened? Why are we poor? What happened to the money?

'''LEX:''' There... was no money.

''{Zoom to Chaos' brain. The gears in it were inactive, but after hearing Lex's words, they begin to spin. The speed of the gears increases dramatically.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So you made off... with nothing. And I got arrested and thrown in prison... for nothing.

'''LEX:''' Pretty much.

'''CHAOS:''' Fuck.

'''LEX:''' Yep.

'''CHAOS:''' What have you been doing for the last three years?

'''LEX:''' Well, I took an ordinary job as a sales clerk for a mattress retailer. I sell mattresses mainly, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Just... mattresses?

'''LEX:''' Pretty much.

'''CHAOS:''' Like, anything other than mattresses?

'''LEX:''' Not really.

'''CHAOS:''' So, all this time while I was rotting in prison, you just gave up on the crime thing and took a regular job, doing regular things?

'''LEX:''' Pretty much, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Fuck. And what about that other guy?

'''LEX:''' Garf? Oh, I think he works as a geneticist for NoxCorp. I don't know, I never really asked him about his work life, truth be told.

'''CHAOS:''' A geneticist? Don't... don't they earn a lot of money?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, like, six figures I think?

''{Close-up of Chaos' face as a wide smile emerges. He puts his hand on Lex's shoulder.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? I think this was a good talk.

'''LEX:''' It was?

'''CHAOS:''' Indeed it was. I think we have a good way of getting further in life, my friend.

'''LEX:''' Gee, Chaos, that's great, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Now, if you would excuse me, I want to properly meet our new housemate.

''{Chaos leaves the room and walks over to Garfield, putting his arm around him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Garfield, eh?

'''GARFIELD:''' That is my name, yes.

'''CHAOS:''' How long have you been living in this joint?

'''GARFIELD:''' I must sincerely apologize, for I never really kept track. I have moved around so constantly that my stay in Towningdale was never expected to be for more than three years at best. I ''can'' say for certain that I've lasted longer than that.

''{Chaos blinks.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So, I heard you worked as a geneticist.

'''GARFIELD:''' Affirmative. I am indeed a geneticist for NoxCorp.

'''CHAOS:''' This tiny apartment? You've had a six figure job, and you've been living... here?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yep.

'''CHAOS:''' And you get six figures?

'''GARFIELD:''' Si, senor.

'''CHAOS:''' Wha-wha... what do you do with that money?

''{Garfield's eyes widen as he grabs Chaos' wrist.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Allow me.

''{Garfield pulls Chaos by the arm and drags him to his bedroom. The room is noticably clean, as opposed to the rest of the apartment, and an assortment of interesting objects decorate it, to the point where no surface is left untouched.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I remember fondly an idea Lex and I had, to open up a Movie Museum. I'm still unsure if calling it a "Movieum" is appropriate, but I think the idea had been scrapped after I chose to fight Hollywood and its cabal of child molesters through a number of ways both legal and illegal. Since then, I've been doing a bit of remodeling to make it more a base of operations for NoxCorp.

''{Garfield reaches into his closet and pulls out a glowing blue claymore. He gazes upon it, looking crestfallen after a few seconds.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' This is a moon-powered replica of a famous legendary sword, once owned by a beloved friend before her passing away.

'''CHAOS:''' I'm... I'm sorry for your loss.

'''GARFIELD:''' It is not in my nature to find cheesy '90s shows palatable, but she was one of few Drow who enjoyed Pelleasquest. I still cannot tell if her liking it was ironic, given the level of bigotry displayed within the show itself.

''{Garfield pulls out another item, this time, a single eyeglass, modeled for a cyclops.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' This eyeglass belonged to the great Cyclops comedian, Catras Goldstein.

''{Garfield clears his throat, puts the eyeglass on, and does an impression, where he makes his voice super deep and raspy, while he waves his arms.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' NICE TA MEET YA, NICE TA MEET YA!

''{Chaos looks perplexed.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Uhh...

'''GARFIELD:''' Not a fan of his 1950's stand-up comedy?

'''CHAOS:''' I've never heard of him.

''{Garfield strokes his chin for a moment, in pensive thought.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' How about this?

''{Garfield nods in the direction of the cardboard cutout.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I once travelled to an alternate universe where my attempt to steal the Declaration of Independence was foiled by a foolish samurai warrior. A man vaguely resembling the Nicholas Cage of our world wanted it as well, so we teamed up together temporarily. We still lost to the samurai.

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, I will be frank with you. I could not give a shit about any of that other stuff, but that did impress me. Nic Cage, really?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yup!

'''CHAOS:''' Do you spend your entire paycheck on these things?

'''GARFIELD:''' Not entirely. I save some of my pennies for future investments.

'''CHAOS:''' And you stay here?

'''GARFIELD:''' I would move, but I might miss an auction. I am often perusing the internet and the dwarfnet for new items, especially if I can take them away from the elite in Hollywood.

'''CHAOS:''' I-

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes, I know, you probably do feel overwhelmed by my collection. I understand.

''{Without a word, Chaos leaves the room. He goes into the front room and sits down on the couch, monologuing to himself.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I'm poor as hell, and I'm sharing an apartment with two idiots. Great. Just great.

''{He sighs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I'm really gonna have to do this the hard way, ain't I. I really should've stayed in school.

''{Chaos looks down and notices his glass of Naminade still on the coffee table. He picks it up.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, screw it.

''{Chaos drinks as he picks up the television remote and turns the television on. The camera zooms out of the apartment and shows a picture of the city of Townindale, located on Republic Island. Fast-forward a few hours later; then, zoom back to the apartment, in Lex's bedroom. Lex is sleeping in his bed, which is shaped like a race car. Above his bed is the Jamaican flag, and on the wall is a signed poster of Usain Bolt. The sun can be seen through the blinds of the window, and birds can be heard chirping outside. His alarm clock hits 7:00AM, causing it to go off to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIxDpvjJr0 Mr. Blue Sky, by ELO. A montage follows to the music.]

'''ALARM:''' Good Morning! Today's forecast calls for blue skies!

''{As the music begins, Lex opens his eyes with a wide smile on his face, stretching his arms and throwing the covers off his body.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Sun is shinin' in the sky,''
 ''There ain't a cloud in sight''
 ''It's stopped rainin'''
 ''Everybody's in a play''
 ''And don't you know''
 ''It's a beautiful new day, hey!''

''{Lex hops out of bed in his pyjamas and immediately pulls open the curtains, revealing a sunny and idyllic scene outside. He opens the window, pops head out, and waves to passers by, who smile and wave back.}''

'''ALARM:''' Runnin' down the avenue
 ''See how the sun shines brightly''
 ''In the city on the streets''
 ''Where once was pity''
 ''Mister Blue Sky is living here today''

''{Lex does a merry little jig while walking over to his wardrobe. He looks at various outfits and strokes his chin before smiling and grabbing one that's hanging up. In a fashion not unlike that of Wonder Woman, or the Sims, he spins around and is now wearing it.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why''
 ''You had to hide away for so long (So long)''
 ''Where did we go wrong?''

''{Lex is now in the bathroom, brushing his teeth in front of the mirror. A cockroach crawls on the mirror's surface. Lex looks perplexed, before smiling and waving at the cockroach. The cockroach waves back before scuttling away. As the song's instrumental is playing, Lex is now doing his happy little jig in the living room. The song abruptly stops as a pillow is launched at Lex, hitting him in the face. Chaos tries to get up from the couch he has been sleeping on, but ends up rolling off and hitting the ground. He groans and stands up, shuffling over to Lex and grabbing him by the shoulders.}''

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY FUCK, LEX; IT'S 7:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.

'''LEX:''' What are you talkin' about, mon? It's Saturday morning!

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, Saturday morning starts at like... 2PM in the afternoon! Who gets up at 7:00 in the morning when they have a choice? It's practically still fuckin' night time!

'''LEX:''' Did... did you even sleep last night?

'''CHAOS:''' I... think so?

''{Flashback to 4:30AM in the morning. Chaos is sitting on the couch with a glass of Naminade, watching the television. Sounds of clashing swords, gore, and hardcore sex can be heard offscreen as Chaos watches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I can't believe it. They've finally managed to reconcile my love for pornography and violence. This is awesome.

'''TELEVISION:''' Trial of Chairs will be back after the messages!

''{Chaos yawns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Just... one... more... episode...

''{Back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nevermind that, it's still too early! I bet Garfield isn't awake yet!

''{Garfield can be heard in the kitchen.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've been up since 5.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Well... you guys are weird. What were you even doing anyway, Lex?

'''LEX:''' I'm gettin' ready for my morning run, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' I'm sorry, but a morning ''run''? Not only are you subjecting yourself to waking up this early, but you're going to ''exercise?'' The hell is wrong with you?

'''LEX:''' Hey, I gotta keep my cardiovascular health goin', y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' I... don't even... just... no.

'''GARFIELD:''' You're not going out for a run without eating breakfast again, are you?

'''LEX:''' Oh, right. I should probably eat, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, now ''that'' is something that I can agree with. Food.

''{Chaos walks over to the kitchen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Watcha got cooking, anyway?

'''GARFIELD:''' Bacon, eggs, grits, sausage, toast, and jam.

'''CHAOS:''' No cool nickname for that?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's not really different from someone else's standard American breakfast, but I do try to be creative with how I arrange the food on the plate! Sometimes I make a happy face with the eggs and bacon. Other times, I attempt to recreate stills of famous movie scenes.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh.

''{Lex takes a seat at the dining table. Garfield brings a plate of food and lays it in front of Lex. He takes two more plates of food and puts them down as both he and Chaos seat themselves. Forward to them talking while eating.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What kind of things did I miss while I was in prison? I have been so out of the loop for the past three years, it's unreal.

'''LEX:''' Quite a lot, actually. We elected a new president earlier this year, in fact.

''{A look of disgust appears on Garfield's face.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Unfortunately. And look how awful it's turned out already. Who knew that electing an incorrigible reality television star with absolutely no experience or charm whatsoever would turn out to be a horrendous idea? The fact that people would willingly hand over their democracy to someone with no substance, style, or any real mandate to run a country whatsoever still absolutely shocks and horrifies me to this very moment.

'''LEX:''' I think you're being a bit harsh, ya? I think President Kardashian could do a really good job if given the chance.

'''CHAOS:''' I don't care about politics, that stuff is lame and boring. I'm asking about the important stuff. Is Betty White still alive?

'''GARFIELD:''' I think so?

''{Chaos sighs in relief.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That is literally all I needed to know. Thank you.

'''GARFIELD:''' Things have gotten rather bad in the Pacific, however. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has ramped up their threats against the human domain. I mean, they do this every year, but they have nuclear-...

'''CHAOS:''' Didn't I just say that I don't care about politics?

'''GARFIELD:''' My apologies.

''{Lex has finished his breakfast.}''

'''LEX:''' That was some good yums! Mmm mm! Really gets the blood flowin', ya?

''{Lex stands up from the table and does a few stretches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Lex, wait!

'''LEX:''' Aye?

'''CHAOS:''' This is my first time in Townindale, and I figure that if I have to live here, I should get to see what's around, you know? Maybe I should come with you.

'''LEX:''' Ey mon, that's a great idea! I can show you all around the city, introduce you t'some of my friends, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah! And heck, even Garfield can come!

'''GARFIELD:''' Gonna take a pass on that, I'm afraid.

'''CHAOS:''' Why?

'''GARFIELD:''' Personally, I'd rather it be dark, or raining. I'm sure I could stomach the sun if distracted by a good conversation, though.

'''LEX:''' Garfield's not a huge fan of going out in the sun.

'''GARFIELD:''' Ultraviolet rays can give you cancer.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh please, everything gives you cancer nowadays. What's next? Smoking?

'''LEX:''' Hasn't that been proven for a while?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, if you're the liberal media. Pfft.

'''GARFIELD:''' But yeah, I will prefer to stay inside. Thank you for offering; perhaps, in the future.

'''LEX:''' This gonna be awesome, mon! Are you ready to move your legs?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, is running necessary?

'''LEX:''' Of course! How else are you gonna appreciate the city, if it ain't with the sun beamin' on ya, and the wind blowing through your air as you run!

'''CHAOS:''' Ugh, alright.

''{Lex and Chaos make their way to the door, but suddenly the room begins to shake.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What.. what is that?

''{A large and booming slavic-sounding voice can be heard bellowing from the corridor outside.}''

'''????:''' PIIIIIIERRRROGIES!!!

''{The door slams open, revealing a man, both incredibly tall and large in stature. He is incredibly muscular, with a perfectly shaved head and an exquisitely maintained moustache. He is wearing black pants and a white shirt with suspenders. In his hand is a plate of fresh pierogies.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Volkov!

'''VOLKOV:''' Privyet, Sasha! I heard zat new roommate is here, yes?

''{Volkov peers down at Chaos, who is slightly intimidated by the sight of the large man.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, hello.

''{Chaos holds out his hand. Volkov smiles and grasps it incredibly firmly, causing it to make a cracking sound as Chaos grimaces past the pain.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Felix, I presume? Sasha told many tales about you. Jailbird, eh?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeeeeah, heh.

''{Volkov laughs while continuing to shake Chaos' hand, unaware of the pain he's causing him.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' In my country, being jailbird was easy. You just had to make fun of guy in charge, and suddenly you're in cage. We have it easy in US of A. You make fun of guy in charge, and people laugh!

''{Volkov lets go of Chaos' hand. Chaos pulls back and shakes the pain away.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I just want to say, I don't care about past. We all have pasts. It's all about present and future.

''{Volkov smiles and bows.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I am Konstantin Volkov, owner of deli, and your landlord. I just wanted to say hello, and bring you welcoming gift.

'''CHAOS:''' Heh, thanks. Nice to meet you, Konstantin.

'''VOLKOV:''' Please. Call me Volkov. This is friendly building, we are all friends here. I just want you to know that you are welcome, and you are friend.

'''CHAOS:''' I, um, really appreciate it man.

'''VOLKOV:''' And it goes without saying that you are especially welcome downstairs, if you like pierogi. Of course do. You eat those pierogies, you'll be begging for more, haha!

'''CHAOS:''' Thank you, uh, um, Volkov.

'''VOLKOV:''' Anytime, Felix! Welcome to Townindale! Also, if you have any problem, please let Volkov know!

''{Volkov waves as he makes his way out of the room.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Goodbye friends!

''{The three wave back.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for the pierogi, Konstantin!

''{The door closes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. He's a friendly guy.

'''LEX:''' Oh ya, he's a card, he is. Great guy. Looks like he could tear a brick in half. Well, we should get going. I can't wait to show you the city!

'''CHAOS:''' Running. Yay. Is it too late to change my mind?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya it is. See ya, Garf!

''{Lex drags Chaos out of the apartment from his wrist as Garfield waves. The door closes behind them. Cut to the exterior of Katuysha's.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh wait, I have to get my wallet. Hold up for a sec.

''{Chaos and Lex walk around Katyusha's to the parking space behind it. Lex moves to the back of his ice cream truck and opens the rear doors. Inside the truck is a red BMX, in pristine condition. Lex crawls into the truck and searches around for a couple of seconds, before pulling out his wallet.}''

'''LEX:''' Ah, found it!

'''CHAOS:''' That's a sweet bike you have there.

'''LEX:''' I know right, mon? It's incredible!

'''CHAOS:''' When did you get it?

'''LEX:''' Not too long after you got arrested, ya? A kid agreed to trade it for all the paper I was holdin'. Dunno what he wanted all that paper for, hah.

''{Flashback to three years ago. Lex is walking down the road holding a massive sack of cash, as he notices a young teenage boy waxing his BMX.}''

'''LEX:''' Nice bike, kid!

'''KID:''' Thanks! Say, what's that you got?

''{The kid points to Lex's bag of cash.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh, this?

''{Lex puts the bag down and looks into it. He frowns.}''

'''LEX:''' It's a darn disappointment. I was expectin' it to be money.

'''KID:''' Ah, jeez. That's a shame. Lemme see.

''{The kid walks over and takes a look inside. His eyes widen at the sight of what's there.}''

'''KID:''' Um, this ''is'' money.

'''LEX:''' No it's not, it's paper.

''{The kid pulls out a wad of several $100 bills.}''

'''KID:''' Just paper?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon. If it were money, it would be stuff like gold, and jewels, y'know?

'''KID:''' Are you for real?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon. Think of it this way. What exactly would be the point of assigning a monetary value to an item which costs probably less than a penny to make? There is absolutely no intrinsic value to this whatsoever. Real money is gold and jewels, items which do have intrinsic value, based simply on the fact that there is a finite supply in the world.

''{Lex picks up a wad of cash from the bag.}''

'''LEX:''' What do ya do if you run out of paper? Ya cut down another tree. Ya create more, y'know? Ya can't do that for gold. Why else would the Spanish place so much of their energy and resources into colonizing the New World, if not for the limited supplies of available gold in the Old World? Why are stories of folklore such as the Lost City of El Dorado so prominent in our culture, if not for the fact that gold and jewels are a scarcity? Have ya ever heard of a lost city made out of paper, mon?

'''KID:''' N-no...

'''LEX:''' Exactly. Because it would be silly. So the idea of assigning a value to paper is equally silly. Of course, ya could apply a value to the paper by claiming that it is backed by gold, but even that would be superficial at best. It's stupid. It's paper, and it's pointless, y'know?

'''KID:''' Uh...

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and back at the bag of cash.}''

'''KID:''' That bag looks, uh, rather heavy...

'''LEX:''' Like ya wouldn't believe, kiddo.

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and then grins at Lex.}''

'''KID:''' Would you like to trade?

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Paper... paper... hmm.

''{Chaos looks down with a concerned look upon his face. He looks back at Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...So it was basically free?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' ...Wow. Lucky you. Hah. I feel sorry for the poor sucker you got it from.

'''LEX:''' He seemed pretty happy about it. He said that his dad could finally get treatment, or whatever.

'''CHAOS:''' With paper?

'''LEX:''' Ya.

'''CHAOS:''' Wow. Odd, but... okay.

''{Lex and Chaos walk back to the front of Katyusha's.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are we really gonna start running?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya we are. Are ya ready?

'''CHAOS:''' I've never been ready for exercise, if I'm being hon-...

''{Lex takes off, running.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, you son of a bitch!

''{Chaos runs after him. Cut to Lex, jogging merrily on the sidewalk, not at all breaking a sweat. Chaos comes from behind and matches his speed, however he is also breathing heavily with a red face.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, nice ta see ya caught up!

'''CHAOS:''' No, ''{huff}'', help ''{huff}'', from ''{huff}'', you, ''{huff}'', asshole!

'''LEX:''' Don't worry mon, ya'll get used it!

''{Lex begins to run even faster. Chaos chases after him in an attempt to match his speed, causing him to sweat badly and breathe even heavier.}''

'''CHAOS:''' WHAT IS ''{huff}'' THIS??? ARE YOU ''{huff}'' TRYING ''{huff}'' TO KILL ''{huff}'' ME?

'''LEX:''' I'm going slow, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' FUCK YOU.

''{The two run, side-to-side, through the streets of Townindale. Finally, they reach the Downtown area of the city, represented by the Town Hall building and the large park in front of it. The two reach a nearby tree. Lex stops running, while Chaos crashes down to the ground in a massive pile of sweat. He hyperventilates as he tries to regain his bearings.}''

'''LEX:''' See, I told ya it wasn't that bad! How did it feel?

'''CHAOS:''' My... lungs... are... on... fire... ''{huff}''

''{Chaos picks himself up and dusts himself off. He wipes the sweat off his brow.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, that was too much. I need something to calm my lungs.

''{Chaos pulls a tobacco pipe from his pocket and takes a puff from it. He coughs loudly after inhaling, but then sighs in relief. The two begin to walk down Main Street.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That's much better. So, what is there to do around here?

''{Lex shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' I'unno. Whatever folks do towntown, I guess?

'''CHAOS:''' Like... are there any wine bars? Vintage clothing stores? Cereal cafes?

'''LEX:''' C-cereal cafes?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, man. Like, cafes where you go to eat cereal.

'''LEX:''' Can't you just go to the supermarket and eat some at home?

'''CHAOS:''' I mean, yeah, of course. But in a cereal cafe, you're paying for the experience.

'''LEX:''' Of eating cereal?

'''CHAOS:''' Exactly! Going to a friendly establishment where they serve you cereal and you eat it with friends. And like, you get to eat cereal from other countries too.

'''LEX:''' I'm sorry mon, but that just sounds stupid.

'''CHAOS:''' Nah nah, you don't get it. It's the experience. It's a little expensive, but you get the authentic experience of eating cereal with your peers.

'''LEX:''' It sounds kinda wasteful, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, there's one in London. I mean, if something's in London, it's gotta be good, right?

'''LEX:''' It just sounds like dumb gentrification to me mo-...

''{The two stop in front of a cereal cafe, named "Surreal Cereals".}''

'''LEX:''' What.

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY SHIT THERE ACTUALLY IS ONE, OH MAN OH MAN OH MANNN.

''{Chaos runs through the doors, while Lex follows behind him, looking around in bewilderment. The cafe is small and minimalist in its style, looking more like a museum for modern art than a cafe. Sitting at the tables are young folk in streetwear, stereotypical hipster types, all on their smartphones. At the counter is a tall man with dirty blue hair, a fedora with a feather, a long coat, and a patchy goatee. He is wearing a nametag which says "Tracy". Behind him is a series of shelves with different boxes of cereal.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my gods, this is great!

'''LEX:''' I swear this place wasn't here last week...

''{The two walk up to the counter and are both greeted by Tracy, who smiles at them while looking rather dazed at the same time. He begins to speak in an accent similar to Dick Van Dyke's fake cockney accent in Mary Poppins.}''

'''TRACY:''' 'Ello there, lads. What can I get ya today?

'''LEX:''' Is this place for real?

''{Tracy looks around, and directly at Lex. He blinks. He does a double take as he looks around a second time.}''

'''TRACY:''' Looks pretty real to me, mate. I think.

''{Chaos is looking at the cereal on offer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So... many... choices...

'''LEX:''' Ya, just a question, is this place new?

'''TRACY:''' Uh... gee. I think so? We opened like, last week and stuff. Yeah. I think.

''{Chaos points to a box on the top shelf.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my god, Space Invaders! I haven't had that cereal since I was a kid!

'''TRACY:''' You want that, mate? A'ight, let me grab it.

''{Tracy shuffles to the shelf and picks up the box, bringing it to the counter. He pulls out a carton of milk from under the counter. He also pulls out a bowl.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you want it in a bowl...

'''CHAOS:''' Well, of course I want it in a bowl, what else could cereal be served-...

''{Tracy pulls out a mason jar.}''

'''TRACY:''' Or a mason jar?

'''CHAOS:''' WAIT. YOU CAN EAT CEREAL FROM A MASON JAR?

'''LEX:''' Chaos, according to the menu, a mason jar is like four dollars extra. This place looks like a complete and total sca-...

''{Before Lex can finish his sentence, Chaos has handed Tracy his credit card. Tracy scans it on the cash register, and hands Chaos a mason jar with cereal, milk, and a spoon. Chaos grabs it and sits at the table with the young hipsters. Lex sits next to him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Gee, awful nice day we're having here.

''{There is no response. They all continue to look at their smartphones. Chaos turns to Lex, who shrugs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nice place to... y'know, eat cereal from a mason jar. Like the cool kids do.

''{The hipsters continue to ignore him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. Tough crowd.

'''LEX:''' They're hipsters, mon. They're not ignoring ya, it's just that they have trouble noticing anyone who isn't in their age range.

'''CHAOS:''' What? I am so in their age range! I'm twenty-six years old!

'''LEX:''' Exactly, mon. Twenty-six to them, is like... forty.

'''CHAOS:''' Look, I'm still in with the kids. They just need to be spoken in a language that they understand. Watch and learn, ''homeslice.''

''{Chaos stands up and clears his throat, before addressing the hipsters in front of him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, WHAZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAP, my PEEPS? Shit is mighty cray-cray around here, y'know? Fo sheezy and all that stuff? I see y'all chillaxin' and I was just wonderin' what some of the hip and cool things goin' around this joint are. This cereal cafe, damn dawg, it sure is buzzin, eh? Totally pwns the hell out of all the other cafes in this city...town.

''{One of the hipsters, a young asian male, looks up at Chaos with an expression of both bewilderment and disgust.}''

'''HIPSTER:''' If you wouldn't mind, we're all trying to have a conversation here.

'''CHAOS:''' What? You're not even saying anything!

''{The hipsters all raise their phones and show Chaos, revealing that they have been texting each other the whole time. On the screens feature texts such as "wtf is this creepy dude sitting here for????", along with meme images. Chaos is visibly upset by this.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is bullshit, you guys are fuckin' losers anyway. I'm outta here. "G-T-G", nerds! C'mon, Lex.

''{Chaos frowns and turns around to leave. Lex shrugs at the hipsters as he turns to follow Chaos. Tracy calls out as they walk out of the door.}''

'''TRACY:''' You 'aven't even touched yer cereal! It costs an extra two quid if ya don't eat ya-

''{Before Tracy can finish his sentence, the door slams behind them.}''

'''TRACY:''' Jeez.

'''HIPSTER:''' What a poser.

''{The hipsters all chuckle slightly before reverting back to their original smartphone forms. Cut to the exterior of the cafe.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't get it, Lex! I used to be hip and cool with the young people! I am to be a young people! I don't get what I did wrong. I tried to speak their language and everything!

'''LEX:''' Um, nobody says any of that stuff anymore, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' They don't?

'''LEX:''' Nah. Heck, half of those things ya said were outdated before ya even went to jail.

'''CHAOS:''' R-really?

'''LEX:''' Ya mon.

'''CHAOS:''' So... I didn't sound cool?

'''LEX:''' Sorry to say it mon, but ya sounded kinda ridiculous. And this is comin' from a white Jamaican dude, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' What do the young people say and do nowadays? I need to know, man. I can't stand the idea of not being top of the curve. I need to show them that I'm still hip!

'''LEX:''' Ya can start by not sayin' "the young people". But, I don't even know, I never really followed that stuff. I think they use memes? And dabbing?

'''CHAOS:''' What's a dab?

'''LEX:''' It's one of those things where- hold on, I'll just show ya.

''{Lex performs a dab.}''

'''LEX:''' Like that.

'''CHAOS:''' Lex. That's a Nazi salute. What you did was just a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah man, it's like a sneeze. A fashionable sneeze.

'''CHAOS:''' It's a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah, I'm serious! Look, I'll show ya some videos when we get home.

'''CHAOS:''' I suppose watching what the young people do would definitely make me more well-versed in what they do.

'''LEX:''' Stop callin' them the young people!

'''CHAOS:''' Right, right, yeah, okay, whatever!

''{The two carry on their walk down the street, until the two are caught off-guard by a young Drow male on rollerskates, who out of nowhere runs into Chaos by accident, before tripping over himself and falling face-first onto the ground, dropping several papers in the process. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates the Drow, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, the drow looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''????:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-...

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''????:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Elsewhere a man with flowing hair and a nice suit is playing DDRMAX 6thMix perfectly}''

'''????:''' ''{singing along}''Flash in the night! It's the light! Shining from your body...

''{Cut back to Lex and Chaos with the strange drow}''

'''????:''' Aw, he's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

'''LEX:''' Why'd he just stare at us wide eyed for sec?

'''CHAOS:''' Hah, he's probably on drugs. Whatever, man. I wanna go home.

'''LEX:''' But... we literally only went to a cafe! That's hardly me showin' ya around a city, don't ya think?

'''CHAOS:''' Look man, after facing the shame and humilation I did from those fresh and funky teens, I don't wanna go anywhere until I am one-hundred percent swaggin'.

'''LEX:''' Oh... okay.

''{Cut back to the apartment. Garfield has the coffee table covered in dinosaur action figures. On top of the action figures is a map of Towningdale.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, if I use this long neck eating the star leaves to show where Spook Cliff is, then...

''{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}''

'''LEX:''' Garf, we're hoooooome!

''{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.

'''GARFIELD:''' Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my indeed, that is definitely stressful.

'''LEX:''' I don' get why ya care so much!

'''CHAOS:''' How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?

''{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.

'''CHAOS:''' Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.

''{Garfield frowns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up, owing to our mutually high standards.

'''LEX:''' This apartment is literally all we need, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' WE. NEED. ''MORE.''

''{Short pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I shall exile myself from this conversation.

'''LEX:''' Garf, you're doin' no wrong.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, he's ''very'' much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-

''{Garfield's eyes glow red. He punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}''

'''LEX:''' I... I think that was excessive, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.

''{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}''

'''LEX:''' We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.

'''GARFIELD:''' I can conjure up a steak recipe from there, though let me get my sunscreen.

''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing red. He and Lex each split off in different directions, with the camera zooming on Chaos' unconscious body slowly; after a minute, it fades to black.}''

Wikihood/eps/1

2018-10-25T04:04:50Z

Remolay:

== Summary ==
Oh, not again.

== Transcript ==

''{Open to a long, sweeping shot of an unnamed town set to light classical music. The camera pans up to the clear, blue sky. A distant plane flies across the screen from right to left. As the title fades, cut to a slow, panning close up of the plane, where we see various passengers through the windows. Opening titles play along the bottom of the screen. Cut to inside the plane. A dolly shot takes the camera down the aisle. Flight attendants check with passengers, babies cry, etc. The camera reaches a door marked "First Class," which opens to let the camera continue through. Eventually, the camera passes a booth filled with smoke.}''

''{Cut to a shot inside the smoke. Coughing his lungs up, Jules Rosenberg tries to clear the smoke with his hand, revealing himself and his father, Frank Rosenberg, who is happily puffing on a cigar.}''

'''JULES ROSENBERG:''' Fuck, dad! Can't you slow down on the cigars for a little while, man?

'''FRANK ROSENBERG:''' ''{points at Jules}'' Don't talk to your father like that.

'''JULES:''' ''{groans}'' This sucks. I'm outta here.

''{Jules exits the booth.}''

'''FRANK:''' Yeah, fine. Just don't try to jump out of the plane again.

'''JULES:''' ''{offscreen}'' That was ''one'' time!

''{The camera pans out with Jules, before leaving him momentarily to pan over another booth. Two men in flashy clothes sit at a booth, eating a plate of bratwurst as they look over the window. There's three cups at the booth, as they chat peacefully. Soon, however, the peace is broken as their traveling companion rejoins them, the short Italian sitting next to one of them, as he begins rolling up a blunt.}''

'''DANNY:''' Ya know, they call it the 'Oceanic Flight 420', but it doesn't even cross over the ocean! It's entirely a continental flight! At least the 420's accurate.

'''ROY:''' Danny, please, please don't smoke that next to me. I'll inhale the second hand smoke an-

'''DANNY:''' Roy, shut the fuck up. This is a free country. I can smoke wherever I want!

''{The other man pauses from his bratwurst to make a short quip, going back to eating once he's done.}''

'''SIEGFRIED:''' Actually, marijuana's illegal, Danny.

'''DANNY:''' Yeah, yeah, whatever, Siegfried. Look, let's just sit down and relax. We'll be back in New York soon. What's the worst that could happen, Roy gets second-hand lung cancer?

'''ROY:''' Yes.

'''DANNY:''' Shut the fuck up, Roy!

''{The camera eventually pans away from the group, panning to a tall bald man with skin that is impossibly dark, almost Drow like in nature, who looks quite timid actually, and a red haired chick with fancy red clothing.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I wonder how my brother is doing.

''{Cut to a man with flowing brown hair who looks not unlike Leigh but more human in a nice suit, playing DDR perfectly}''

'''NED:''' ''{singing along with the machine}'' Hey Mr. Wonderful, Oh you're so incredible. Hey Mr. Wonderful, Wonderful to me...

''{Cut back to Leigh and Madelyn on the plane}''

'''MADELYN:''' Probably boring legal work...

''{Pan over to a gorilla, dressed in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt. He is listening to music on his walkman while doing a crossword. He is singing along.}''

'''BRUCE:''' I bless the rains down in Afffff-riiii-caaaaaaaa~

''{Bruce's booth suddenly has another person in it, sitting next to him by the window. The masked creature glances briefly at the crossword, before glancing at the window, before speaking without any identifying gender or inflection to their voice.}''

'''GOD COMPLEX:''' 7 across, ''gazebo''.

''{Bruce concentrates on that part of the crossword before writing it down.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Strewth, that's it! Thanks, man!

''{Bruce smiles at God Complex, before looking puzzled.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Wait, were ya sittin' there a minute ago?

''{Suddenly, an explosion is heard as the entire plane interior is engulfed in smoke.}''

'''BRUCE:''' What the fu-...

'''????:''' EVERYBODY SIT THE FUCK DOWN, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. THIS IS A HIJACK!

''{As the smoke clears, it becomes clear who the culprits are. Andrew Davies, leader of the Welsh Liberation Army, a notorious Welsh-Separatist terrorist group, is standing in the middle of the airplane, along with two of his goons.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' FOR TOO LONG IN HISTORY, THE WELSH HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED. WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO WORK IN INTERNATIONAL NOODLE MINES IN HORRENDOUS AND DANGEROUS CONDITIONS, ALL SO THE BOUGEOSIE CAN ENJOY FRESH NOODLES. BUT FOR NO LONGER SHALL THIS BE THE CASE, FOR THE WELSH DRAGON HAS AWAKENED, AND THE WELSH DRAGON IS PISSED!

''{Madelyn puts her hand up, as if to say something.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' What is it?

'''MADELYN:''' Can I have a coke? Diet please, I'm trying to keep my figure.

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I- um, don't you understand that we are a-

'''GOD COMPLEX:''' Ah yes, may I have a coffee please? No milk or sugar, just black.

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' What? Are you really going to-

''{Andrew gets more visibly flustered as nobody in the plane is taking him or his goons seriously.}''

'''DANNY:''' Hey, have you seen my trollfoot?

''{Danny proceeds to take the shoe and sock off one of his feet, revealing his trollfoot in all its glory.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I... can't believe you-

'''BRUCE:''' Don't you understand, mate? Nobody takes the Welsh seriously. And this is comin' from a talkin' Australian gorilla.

''{Zoom out to the plane's exterior, until it is shown as a news report on a local television station. A woman, in her mid-30s, of Middle-Eastern heritage is sitting at a desk, is reporting the news as it happens.}''

'''ANCHOR:''' According to a report by one of the airline attendants, the hijacker is none other than the leader of the Welsh Liberation Army, Andrew Davies. Davies has been known for previous stunts in the past, such as a public demonstration in Trafalgar Square in London, England where he-...

''{The anchor's voice fades into the background as the camera zooms out to reveal that the small TV is sitting on the desk of a guard working at the Intake and Release department of the Republic Island Correctional Facility. The guard, who is an overweight Orc male in his early-30s, is sitting back in his chair and watching the television while munching on a chocolate donut.}''

'''ORC GUARD:''' Welsh terrorists? Gimme a break!

''{The guard snorts in laughter as a bell rings, and the door to the room opens. He quickly turns the television off and sits upright as another Orc Guard, a physically fit female in her late-20s, walks into the room, escorting a male human prisoner, who is in handcuffs. The prisoner is in his mid-20s and short in stature, with messy black hair, pale white skin, and purple eyes. He is gaunt, with bags underneath his eyes which suggest either a lack of sleep, or a lack of nutrition. He yawns as he is escorted to the desk. The female Orc Guard undoes the handcuffs and then instructs him to put his hands on the top of the desk.}''

'''FEMALE ORC GUARD:''' Put your hands on the desk, where everyone can see them.

'''PRISONER:''' Yeah, yeah. I get ya.

''{He complies with the order as the male Orc Guard pulls out a ledger and searches for the prisoner.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' A release at 3:30 AM...

''{He scrolls through the ledger to search for the prisoner's report before finding it.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Ah! Here it is. Felix Abraxas Zabat, is that right?

''{The prisoner smirks.}''

'''PRISONER:''' Yeah. But everyone calls me Chaos.

'''FEMALE ORC GUARD:''' Nobody calls him that.

''{Chaos' expression turns to that of mild annoyance.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' According to the record, you were sentenced to five years in prison, and yet you were paroled two years earlier due to good behavior. Nice one.

''{The guard puts the ledger down.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' So. Did you learn anything from your time here?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah. To not get caught.

''{The female guard lightly slaps Chaos on the back of the head. He recoils.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ow! Yeah, yeah! To um, not commit any more crimes, to be a good and functioning member of society, yadda yadda. You know the stuff.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Nice, nice. Well, I better give you your stuff back, huh. Do you want us to arrange your transport, or do you-

'''CHAOS:''' Don't worry, I've got a ride ready. It's a nice ride too, I assure you.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Alright, gimme a sec.

''{The guard stands up and walks to a nearby locker. He presses in the number combination to the lock and opens the door, before taking out a small tray of belongings, with a neatly-folded pile of clothing on top.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Lemme check and see if everythin's all here...

''{The male guard looks at the list as Chaos looks back at the female guard behind him. The male guard checks off items as he reads them.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Black shirt... check. Black jeans... check. Leather belt... check. Skull belt buckle... check. Toshiteck Cassette Player... check. Wallet... check. Credit card... check. Oh, um. Condoms... check. Klaus Nomi cassette... check. And a Ring of Destruction... check. Does all this sound right to you?

'''CHAOS:''' Sounds about right to me, man.

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Awesome. Agrob, you may escort him outside.

''{A buzz is heard from outside.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, that must be my ride. Nice!

''{Chaos is escorted outside of the prison by the female guard as the male guard looks at the security camera footage. He chuckles to himself.}''

'''MALE ORC GUARD:''' Nice ride, huh?

''{Cut to the exterior of the prison. Chaos walks out, looking triumphant until he sees what is in front of him. His look turns into one of distress. The female guard smugly grins as she looks at what greets Chaos.}''

'''AGROB:''' Nice ride, eh?

''{Pan over to reveal that Chaos' ride is an old and rusted ice cream truck, and sitting in the driver's seat is a young man, appearing to be his mid-20s, with tanned skin and dark blond hair. He is wearing a red and blue bowling shirt and acid-washed jeans. He leans out of the window and waves.}''

'''????:''' YO, CHAOS! OVER HERE!!

''{The man presses the truck's horn, which plays [https://youtu.be/y9cwF-jxZaA la cucracha].}''

'''CHAOS:''' W-what. I-.. I-...

'''AGROB:''' Is this the ride you were talking about?

''{Chaos turns around, shaking with indignation. Before he can answer, he is slapped on the back by the young man who has exited the truck and walked over to his location.}''

'''????:''' Chaos, mon! I missed ya!

'''AGROB:''' Are you sure you don't know him?

'''????:''' Know 'im? Hah, of course 'e knows me! I'm 'is guardian!

''{The man holds his hand out over Chaos' head, in front of Agrob, for a handshake.}''

'''LEX:''' Me name's Lex, and I am 'is ride!

''{Agrob shakes Lex's hand, and Chaos sighs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You told me you found a "sick new ride that would be super dope". I was expecting a Lambo or something similar, not this!

'''LEX:''' One o' me pals spruced up this truck, after I found it in the scrapyard for a hunnid buckaroos! Do ya know how much of a bargain this was?

''{Agrob laughs.}''

'''AGROB:''' I'm sure you'll get used to it... Chaos.

''{Chaos facepalms.}''

'''LEX:''' Relax, brudda. I got us a nice place down in Townindale, you'll love it.

'''CHAOS:''' Townindale? Oh. Ohhhhh. Well, this changes things entirely! Hell yeah! What kind of place is it? A big house? A mansion? ...Two mansions?

'''LEX:''' You'll see, man. You'll see.

''{Chaos looks at Agrob.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I guess this is goodbye then. I would say that I will miss this place, but I would be wrong in doing so! Haha!

'''AGROB:''' Right, yeah. Enjoy your freedom, Felix.

'''CHAOS:''' The name is Chaos!

'''AGROB:''' Keep yourself out of trouble. I would prefer to never see you here again.

''{Chaos and Lex begin to walk back to the truck. Lex looks back.}''

'''LEX:''' I'll assure ya, I'll keep 'im away from the bad stuff!

''{The two hop into the truck, with Lex in the driver's seat. The truck speeds off almost immediately.}''

'''CHAOS:''' FREEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!!!!!!!!

''{Agrob sighs, before going back into the compound. Cut to Lex and Chaos driving down the highway, with the news radio playing.}''

'''ANCHOR:''' After a terrifying standoff with the military, Davies and his goons were successfully subdued, and all the passangers of the plane felt relief as nobody was seriously hurt or injured. This is Sarah Khoroushi, and you are listening to the-...

''{Chaos turns the dial, switching the radio off.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, I was listenin' to that!

'''CHAOS:''' It bored me.

'''LEX:''' I've been followin' that story for the past couple of hours, mate!

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, at least you actually got to do stuff. Do you know how boring it was in there? Three years, man.

'''LEX:''' Better than five.

'''CHAOS:''' Easy to say when you're not the one who got caught. You made off with the cash at least, so I can at least be happy about that.

'''LEX:''' Yeah... heh.

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? Let's put the radio back on. It's been ages until I've actually listened to music, y'know? Proper music, not the stuff they play in the prisons. The good stuff.

'''LEX:''' I gotcha, man.

''{Lex turns the dial on the car stereo, moving through various FM frequencies until Chaos shoves his hand away, leaving the radio on a station playing [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONoi86Zyj3k I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You, by the Alan Parsons Project.]}''

'''CHAOS:''' Keep it on this one. ''This,'' this is the good stuff.

'''LEX:''' There's something I should probably tell-...

'''CHAOS:''' Shh. No words. Just listen to the music. I need this. I've needed this for three fucking years, man.

''{Zoom out to a montage of the truck driving on the highway by the sea as the music plays. As dawn begins to appear, the Wikihood show title appears over the glistening waters, illuminated by the rising sun. As the truck begins to enter a small city, we cut back to the interior.}''

'''LEX:''' We're almost there!

'''CHAOS:''' A place in Townindale, of all cities? I knew you wouldn't let me down. It took me three years of hell, but we made it man. We're finally in paradise.

''{Chaos sticks his head out of the window, looking at the beautiful metropolis outside.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Can you smell the air? It smells like freedom, doesn't it? You and me, we hit the big shots! All that money, oh man, oh man.

''{As the truck goes further through downtown, Chaos turns to Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We're going a little far into the city, eh?

'''LEX:''' Heh, yip.

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, I imagine the rich parts are more on the outskirts, eh? Around the suburbs?

'''LEX:''' Ehhhh...

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? I'm probably distracting you, I apologize. I'll shut up, and I'll let you surprise me. This is going to be so awesome! I'll close my eyes. Tell me when to open them.

''{Cut to the exterior of the truck the surrounding city scenery becomes less and less aesthetically pleasing until it becomes almost entirely dilapidated. Lex peers his head out of the window, where he sees a sign which says "Little Moscow." He drives the truck slightly further before it stops at "Katyushas", a small Eastern-European deli. Cut back to the truck's interior.}''

'''LEX:''' You can open ya eyes now.

''{Chaos opens his eyes and looks outside. He turns to Lex, perplexed.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What? This is just a pierogi bar.

''{Lex opens the door of the truck and gets out, before opening Chaos' door, motioning for him to get out. The two walk into the deli as Chaos gets more and more upset by what he's seeing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't understand... this isn't where we're living, is it?

''{Lex leads Chaos to a door in the back, which reveals a staircase to the second floor of the building. As the two ascend, Chaos's face turns from one of sadness to anger.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is not where we live is it? We're just visiting a friend? Right?

''{Lex doesn't answer. He carries on through what is now an apartment corridor before reaching another door, which he opens, with Chaos behind him. Through the door is a small and grungy two-bedroom apartment, with brick walls, exposed pipes, and flickering lights. Lex turns around and smiles at Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' Tah-daaaa!!!

''{Chaos callously pushes past Lex as he gets inside the apartment.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What is this? This isn't a mansion, this isn't a big house, is a... tiny roach shack!

''{A voice is heard from the kitchen.}''

'''????:''' I happen to like the roaches, thank you very much!

''{Chaos turns to Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Who is this?

'''LEX:''' E's our roommate.

'''CHAOS:''' ROOMMATE?!

''{Coming from the kitchen is a man looking to be in his early-30s, tall in stature, yet skinny like a beanpole. He is wearing a thick pair of glasses, along with a wifebeater with a blue buttoned shirt which is open, and a pair of shorts. On his feet are a pair of bunny slippers. He looks slightly disheveled, with scruffy brown hair, and a five o'clock shadow. In his hand is a glass of liquid of indiscernible origin, from which he takes momentary sips.}''

'''LEX:''' Eyy, Garfield!!

'''GARFIELD:''' Hola, Lex. I suppose this is the roommate you've been telling me about?

'''LEX:''' 'Iis name is Chaos!

''{Lex runs and jumps on the couch, without bothering to take off his shoes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' What kind of name is Chaos?

'''CHAOS:''' My real name is Feli-...

'''GARFIELD:''' You might as well have called yourself something like "The Edgymancer".

'''CHAOS:''' What? Are you trying to say that Chaos isn't-

'''GARFIELD:''' The Edgymancer. Now that is a cool name.

''{Garfield shuffles closer to Chaos in order to take a more detailed look at him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You look troubled.

'''CHAOS:''' I kinda am, actually, because I was expecting a-

'''GARFIELD:''' Would you like a Naminade?

'''CHAOS:''' What the hell is a Naminade?

'''LEX:''' Oh man, pour me out a glass too, Gar! I am parched!

''{Garfield shuffles back into the kitchen, where he pulls out a pitcher from the fridge.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It is a beverage of my own concoction. I mix Jolt Cola with Japanese Sake and Fruit Punch.

'''LEX:''' It's delicious, I promise you.

''{Garfield pours out two glasses and hand delivers them to Lex and Chaos, who proceed to take a sip.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Sometimes I substitute the fruit punch for grape soda... sometimes I put freshly squeezed lemon in the mixture, or I use cider instead of sake. Sometimes I put Midol in it, because I like the added danger.

''{Lex chugs his glass down, as Chaos puts it down and backs away.}''

'''CHAOS:''' S-suddenly I'm not so thirsty.

''{Chaos looks at Lex and frowns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So, let us address the elephant in the room, shall we?

'''LEX:''' Don't be mean, Chaos! Garfield is not an elephant!

'''GARFIELD:''' I can understand how some people may think I am, however, due to this incident back in 2006 where I-

'''CHAOS:''' We're gonna have this discussion ''in private,'' thank you.

''{Chaos grabs Lex and takes him into one of the bedrooms, and closes the door behind them.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, firstly, what the fuck. And secondly, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

'''LEX:''' Chaos, you seem really on-edge today, what's been bothering you?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, nothing really. Absolutely nothing. What on Earth could be bothering me right now, huh?

''{Lex smiles.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, I'm really glad you're not bothered! Good for ya, man! I don't know why you had to take me into this room to tell me this, but I am happy for-

'''CHAOS:''' OF COURSE I AM FUCKING BOTHERED, LEX. HOW COULD I NOT BE BOTHERED AFTER SPENDING THREE FUCKING YEARS IN PRISON, WHILE ''YOU'' GOT TO ENJOY THE FREEDOM OF THE OUTDOORS, HUH?! I THOUGHT, OH HEY, I'M GETTING THE BOOK THROWN AT ME, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT BECAUSE AT LEAST LEX MADE OFF WITH THE MILLIONS AND THINGS WOULD BE AWESOME WHEN I GOT OUT. I COULD HAVE A SUPER EXPENSIVE CAR, AND A MANSION, AND MY VERY OWN HOT ELF SERVANT, AND WE COULD GO ON ALL SORTS OF WILD AND WACKY ADVENTURES DOING CRAZY SHIT, LIKE EXPLORING UNDERSEA KINGDOMS, HAVING KOOKY SHENANIGANS IN ASIA, GOING TO SPACE, ALL THE COOL STUFF THAT RICH PEOPLE DO. BUT NOPE. WE GOT A DINGY LITTLE ICE CREAM TRUCK, AND A SHITTY LITTLE APARTMENT IN A SLUM. I SPENT THREE YEARS IN PRISON FOR THIS, LEX. THREE FUCKING Y-

''{Chaos' rant is interrupted by Lex slapping him in the face.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ow!

'''LEX:''' Chaos, chill.

'''CHAOS:''' HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHILL WHEN YOU-

''{Lex slaps him again, angering Chaos to the point where his face is red.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I SWEAR TO THE GODS IF YOU SMACK ME ONE MORE TIME, I WILL-

''{Lex slaps him a third time. Chaos looks noticeably less angry.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, I'm chill now. I admit, I got a little out of hand there, I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell like that, but-

''{Lex slaps Chaos a fourth time.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I said I was chill!

'''LEX:''' Oh, sorry, it was a reflex.

'''CHAOS:''' But no, really. What happened? Why are we poor? What happened to the money?

'''LEX:''' There... was no money.

''{Zoom to Chaos' brain. The gears in it were inactive, but after hearing Lex's words, they begin to spin. The speed of the gears increases dramatically.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So you made off... with nothing. And I got arrested and thrown in prison... for nothing.

'''LEX:''' Pretty much.

'''CHAOS:''' Fuck.

'''LEX:''' Yep.

'''CHAOS:''' What have you been doing for the last three years?

'''LEX:''' Well, I took an ordinary job as a sales clerk for a mattress retailer. I sell mattresses mainly, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Just... mattresses?

'''LEX:''' Pretty much.

'''CHAOS:''' Like, anything other than mattresses?

'''LEX:''' Not really.

'''CHAOS:''' So, all this time while I was rotting in prison, you just gave up on the crime thing and took a regular job, doing regular things?

'''LEX:''' Pretty much, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Fuck. And what about that other guy?

'''LEX:''' Garf? Oh, I think he works as a geneticist for NoxCorp. I don't know, I never really asked him about his work life, truth be told.

'''CHAOS:''' A geneticist? Don't... don't they earn a lot of money?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, like, six figures I think?

''{Close-up of Chaos' face as a wide smile emerges. He puts his hand on Lex's shoulder.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You know what? I think this was a good talk.

'''LEX:''' It was?

'''CHAOS:''' Indeed it was. I think we have a good way of getting further in life, my friend.

'''LEX:''' Gee, Chaos, that's great, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Now, if you would excuse me, I want to properly meet our new housemate.

''{Chaos leaves the room and walks over to Garfield, putting his arm around him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Garfield, eh?

'''GARFIELD:''' That is my name, yes.

'''CHAOS:''' How long have you been living in this joint?

'''GARFIELD:''' I must sincerely apologize, for I never really kept track. I have moved around so constantly that my stay in Towningdale was never expected to be for more than three years at best. I ''can'' say for certain that I've lasted longer than that.

''{Chaos blinks.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So, I heard you worked as a geneticist.

'''GARFIELD:''' Affirmative. I am indeed a geneticist for NoxCorp.

'''CHAOS:''' This tiny apartment? You've had a six figure job, and you've been living... here?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yep.

'''CHAOS:''' And you get six figures?

'''GARFIELD:''' Si, senor.

'''CHAOS:''' Wha-wha... what do you do with that money?

''{Garfield's eyes widen as he grabs Chaos' wrist.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Allow me.

''{Garfield pulls Chaos by the arm and drags him to his bedroom. The room is noticably clean, as opposed to the rest of the apartment, and an assortment of interesting objects decorate it, to the point where no surface is left untouched.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I remember fondly an idea Lex and I had, to open up a Movie Museum. I'm still unsure if calling it a "Movieum" is appropriate, but I think the idea had been scrapped after I chose to fight Hollywood and its cabal of child molesters through a number of ways both legal and illegal. Since then, I've been doing a bit of remodeling to make it more a base of operations for NoxCorp.

''{Garfield reaches into his closet and pulls out a glowing blue claymore. He gazes upon it, looking crestfallen after a few seconds.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' This is a moon-powered replica of a famous legendary sword, once owned by a beloved friend before her passing away.

'''CHAOS:''' I'm... I'm sorry for your loss.

'''GARFIELD:''' It is not in my nature to find cheesy '90s shows palatable, but she was one of few Drow who enjoyed Pelleasquest. I still cannot tell if her liking it was ironic, given the level of bigotry displayed within the show itself.

''{Garfield pulls out another item, this time, a single eyeglass, modeled for a cyclops.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' This eyeglass belonged to the great Cyclops comedian, Catras Goldstein.

''{Garfield clears his throat, puts the eyeglass on, and does an impression, where he makes his voice super deep and raspy, while he waves his arms.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' NICE TA MEET YA, NICE TA MEET YA!

''{Chaos looks perplexed.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Uhh...

'''GARFIELD:''' Not a fan of his 1950's stand-up comedy?

'''CHAOS:''' I've never heard of him.

''{Garfield strokes his chin for a moment, in pensive thought.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' How about this?

''{Garfield nods in the direction of the cardboard cutout.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I once travelled to an alternate universe where my attempt to steal the Declaration of Independence was foiled by a foolish samurai warrior. A man vaguely resembling the Nicholas Cage of our world wanted it as well, so we teamed up together temporarily. We still lost to the samurai.

'''CHAOS:''' Okay, I will be frank with you. I could not give a shit about any of that other stuff, but that did impress me. Nic Cage, really?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yup!

'''CHAOS:''' Do you spend your entire paycheck on these things?

'''GARFIELD:''' Not entirely. I save some of my pennies for future investments.

'''CHAOS:''' And you stay here?

'''GARFIELD:''' I would move, but I might miss an auction. I am often perusing the internet and the dwarfnet for new items, especially if I can take them away from the elite in Hollywood.

'''CHAOS:''' I-

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes, I know, you probably do feel overwhelmed by my collection. I understand.

''{Without a word, Chaos leaves the room. He goes into the front room and sits down on the couch, monologuing to himself.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I'm poor as hell, and I'm sharing an apartment with two idiots. Great. Just great.

''{He sighs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I'm really gonna have to do this the hard way, ain't I. I really should've stayed in school.

''{Chaos looks down and notices his glass of Naminade still on the coffee table. He picks it up.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ah, screw it.

''{Chaos drinks as he picks up the television remote and turns the television on. The camera zooms out of the apartment and shows a picture of the city of Townindale, located on Republic Island. Fast-forward a few hours later; then, zoom back to the apartment, in Lex's bedroom. Lex is sleeping in his bed, which is shaped like a race car. Above his bed is the Jamaican flag, and on the wall is a signed poster of Usain Bolt. The sun can be seen through the blinds of the window, and birds can be heard chirping outside. His alarm clock hits 7:00AM, causing it to go off to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIxDpvjJr0 Mr. Blue Sky, by ELO. A montage follows to the music.]

'''ALARM:''' Good Morning! Today's forecast calls for blue skies!

''{As the music begins, Lex opens his eyes with a wide smile on his face, stretching his arms and throwing the covers off his body.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Sun is shinin' in the sky,''
 ''There ain't a cloud in sight''
 ''It's stopped rainin'''
 ''Everybody's in a play''
 ''And don't you know''
 ''It's a beautiful new day, hey!''

''{Lex hops out of bed in his pyjamas and immediately pulls open the curtains, revealing a sunny and idyllic scene outside. He opens the window, pops head out, and waves to passers by, who smile and wave back.}''

'''ALARM:''' Runnin' down the avenue
 ''See how the sun shines brightly''
 ''In the city on the streets''
 ''Where once was pity''
 ''Mister Blue Sky is living here today''

''{Lex does a merry little jig while walking over to his wardrobe. He looks at various outfits and strokes his chin before smiling and grabbing one that's hanging up. In a fashion not unlike that of Wonder Woman, or the Sims, he spins around and is now wearing it.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why''
 ''You had to hide away for so long (So long)''
 ''Where did we go wrong?''

''{Lex is now in the bathroom, brushing his teeth in front of the mirror. A cockroach crawls on the mirror's surface. Lex looks perplexed, before smiling and waving at the cockroach. The cockroach waves back before scuttling away. As the song's instrumental is playing, Lex is now doing his happy little jig in the living room. The song abruptly stops as a pillow is launched at Lex, hitting him in the face. Chaos tries to get up from the couch he has been sleeping on, but ends up rolling off and hitting the ground. He groans and stands up, shuffling over to Lex and grabbing him by the shoulders.}''

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY FUCK, LEX; IT'S 7:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.

'''LEX:''' What are you talkin' about, mon? It's Saturday morning!

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, Saturday morning starts at like... 2PM in the afternoon! Who gets up at 7:00 in the morning when they have a choice? It's practically still fuckin' night time!

'''LEX:''' Did... did you even sleep last night?

'''CHAOS:''' I... think so?

''{Flashback to 4:30AM in the morning. Chaos is sitting on the couch with a glass of Naminade, watching the television. Sounds of clashing swords, gore, and hardcore sex can be heard offscreen as Chaos watches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I can't believe it. They've finally managed to reconcile my love for pornography and violence. This is awesome.

'''TELEVISION:''' Trial of Chairs will be back after the messages!

''{Chaos yawns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Just... one... more... episode...

''{Back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nevermind that, it's still too early! I bet Garfield isn't awake yet!

''{Garfield can be heard in the kitchen.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've been up since 5.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Well... you guys are weird. What were you even doing anyway, Lex?

'''LEX:''' I'm gettin' ready for my morning run, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' I'm sorry, but a morning ''run''? Not only are you subjecting yourself to waking up this early, but you're going to ''exercise?'' The hell is wrong with you?

'''LEX:''' Hey, I gotta keep my cardiovascular health goin', y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' I... don't even... just... no.

'''GARFIELD:''' You're not going out for a run without eating breakfast again, are you?

'''LEX:''' Oh, right. I should probably eat, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, now ''that'' is something that I can agree with. Food.

''{Chaos walks over to the kitchen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Watcha got cooking, anyway?

'''GARFIELD:''' Bacon, eggs, grits, sausage, toast, and jam.

'''CHAOS:''' No cool nickname for that?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's not really different from someone else's standard American breakfast, but I do try to be creative with how I arrange the food on the plate! Sometimes I make a happy face with the eggs and bacon. Other times, I attempt to recreate stills of famous movie scenes.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh.

''{Lex takes a seat at the dining table. Garfield brings a plate of food and lays it in front of Lex. He takes two more plates of food and puts them down as both he and Chaos seat themselves. Forward to them talking while eating.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What kind of things did I miss while I was in prison? I have been so out of the loop for the past three years, it's unreal.

'''LEX:''' Quite a lot, actually. We elected a new president earlier this year, in fact.

''{A look of disgust appears on Garfield's face.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Unfortunately. And look how awful it's turned out already. Who knew that electing an incorrigible reality television star with absolutely no experience or charm whatsoever would turn out to be a horrendous idea? The fact that people would willingly hand over their democracy to someone with no substance, style, or any real mandate to run a country whatsoever still absolutely shocks and horrifies me to this very moment.

'''LEX:''' I think you're being a bit harsh, ya? I think President Kardashian could do a really good job if given the chance.

'''CHAOS:''' I don't care about politics, that stuff is lame and boring. I'm asking about the important stuff. Is Betty White still alive?

'''GARFIELD:''' I think so?

''{Chaos sighs in relief.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That is literally all I needed to know. Thank you.

'''GARFIELD:''' Things have gotten rather bad in the Pacific, however. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has ramped up their threats against the human domain. I mean, they do this every year, but they have nuclear-...

'''CHAOS:''' Didn't I just say that I don't care about politics?

'''GARFIELD:''' My apologies.

''{Lex has finished his breakfast.}''

'''LEX:''' That was some good yums! Mmm mm! Really gets the blood flowin', ya?

''{Lex stands up from the table and does a few stretches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Lex, wait!

'''LEX:''' Aye?

'''CHAOS:''' This is my first time in Townindale, and I figure that if I have to live here, I should get to see what's around, you know? Maybe I should come with you.

'''LEX:''' Ey mon, that's a great idea! I can show you all around the city, introduce you t'some of my friends, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah! And heck, even Garfield can come!

'''GARFIELD:''' Gonna take a pass on that, I'm afraid.

'''CHAOS:''' Why?

'''GARFIELD:''' Personally, I'd rather it be dark, or raining. I'm sure I could stomach the sun if distracted by a good conversation, though.

'''LEX:''' Garfield's not a huge fan of going out in the sun.

'''GARFIELD:''' Ultraviolet rays can give you cancer.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh please, everything gives you cancer nowadays. What's next? Smoking?

'''LEX:''' Hasn't that been proven for a while?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, if you're the liberal media. Pfft.

'''GARFIELD:''' But yeah, I will prefer to stay inside. Thank you for offering; perhaps, in the future.

'''LEX:''' This gonna be awesome, mon! Are you ready to move your legs?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, is running necessary?

'''LEX:''' Of course! How else are you gonna appreciate the city, if it ain't with the sun beamin' on ya, and the wind blowing through your air as you run!

'''CHAOS:''' Ugh, alright.

''{Lex and Chaos make their way to the door, but suddenly the room begins to shake.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What.. what is that?

''{A large and booming slavic-sounding voice can be heard bellowing from the corridor outside.}''

'''????:''' PIIIIIIERRRROGIES!!!

''{The door slams open, revealing a man, both incredibly tall and large in stature. He is incredibly muscular, with a perfectly shaved head and an exquisitely maintained moustache. He is wearing black pants and a white shirt with suspenders. In his hand is a plate of fresh pierogies.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Volkov!

'''VOLKOV:''' Privyet, Sasha! I heard zat new roommate is here, yes?

''{Volkov peers down at Chaos, who is slightly intimidated by the sight of the large man.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, hello.

''{Chaos holds out his hand. Volkov smiles and grasps it incredibly firmly, causing it to make a cracking sound as Chaos grimaces past the pain.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Felix, I presume? Sasha told many tales about you. Jailbird, eh?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeeeeah, heh.

''{Volkov laughs while continuing to shake Chaos' hand, unaware of the pain he's causing him.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' In my country, being jailbird was easy. You just had to make fun of guy in charge, and suddenly you're in cage. We have it easy in US of A. You make fun of guy in charge, and people laugh!

''{Volkov lets go of Chaos' hand. Chaos pulls back and shakes the pain away.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I just want to say, I don't care about past. We all have pasts. It's all about present and future.

''{Volkov smiles and bows.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I am Konstantin Volkov, owner of deli, and your landlord. I just wanted to say hello, and bring you welcoming gift.

'''CHAOS:''' Heh, thanks. Nice to meet you, Konstantin.

'''VOLKOV:''' Please. Call me Volkov. This is friendly building, we are all friends here. I just want you to know that you are welcome, and you are friend.

'''CHAOS:''' I, um, really appreciate it man.

'''VOLKOV:''' And it goes without saying that you are especially welcome downstairs, if you like pierogi. Of course do. You eat those pierogies, you'll be begging for more, haha!

'''CHAOS:''' Thank you, uh, um, Volkov.

'''VOLKOV:''' Anytime, Felix! Welcome to Townindale! Also, if you have any problem, please let Volkov know!

''{Volkov waves as he makes his way out of the room.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Goodbye friends!

''{The three wave back.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for the pierogi, Konstantin!

''{The door closes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. He's a friendly guy.

'''LEX:''' Oh ya, he's a card, he is. Great guy. Looks like he could tear a brick in half. Well, we should get going. I can't wait to show you the city!

'''CHAOS:''' Running. Yay. Is it too late to change my mind?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya it is. See ya, Garf!

''{Lex drags Chaos out of the apartment from his wrist as Garfield waves. The door closes behind them. Cut to the exterior of Katuysha's.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh wait, I have to get my wallet. Hold up for a sec.

''{Chaos and Lex walk around Katyusha's to the parking space behind it. Lex moves to the back of his ice cream truck and opens the rear doors. Inside the truck is a red BMX, in pristine condition. Lex crawls into the truck and searches around for a couple of seconds, before pulling out his wallet.}''

'''LEX:''' Ah, found it!

'''CHAOS:''' That's a sweet bike you have there.

'''LEX:''' I know right, mon? It's incredible!

'''CHAOS:''' When did you get it?

'''LEX:''' Not too long after you got arrested, ya? A kid agreed to trade it for all the paper I was holdin'. Dunno what he wanted all that paper for, hah.

''{Flashback to three years ago. Lex is walking down the road holding a massive sack of cash, as he notices a young teenage boy waxing his BMX.}''

'''LEX:''' Nice bike, kid!

'''KID:''' Thanks! Say, what's that you got?

''{The kid points to Lex's bag of cash.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh, this?

''{Lex puts the bag down and looks into it. He frowns.}''

'''LEX:''' It's a darn disappointment. I was expectin' it to be money.

'''KID:''' Ah, jeez. That's a shame. Lemme see.

''{The kid walks over and takes a look inside. His eyes widen at the sight of what's there.}''

'''KID:''' Um, this ''is'' money.

'''LEX:''' No it's not, it's paper.

''{The kid pulls out a wad of several $100 bills.}''

'''KID:''' Just paper?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon. If it were money, it would be stuff like gold, and jewels, y'know?

'''KID:''' Are you for real?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon. Think of it this way. What exactly would be the point of assigning a monetary value to an item which costs probably less than a penny to make? There is absolutely no intrinsic value to this whatsoever. Real money is gold and jewels, items which do have intrinsic value, based simply on the fact that there is a finite supply in the world.

''{Lex picks up a wad of cash from the bag.}''

'''LEX:''' What do ya do if you run out of paper? Ya cut down another tree. Ya create more, y'know? Ya can't do that for gold. Why else would the Spanish place so much of their energy and resources into colonizing the New World, if not for the limited supplies of available gold in the Old World? Why are stories of folklore such as the Lost City of El Dorado so prominent in our culture, if not for the fact that gold and jewels are a scarcity? Have ya ever heard of a lost city made out of paper, mon?

'''KID:''' N-no...

'''LEX:''' Exactly. Because it would be silly. So the idea of assigning a value to paper is equally silly. Of course, ya could apply a value to the paper by claiming that it is backed by gold, but even that would be superficial at best. It's stupid. It's paper, and it's pointless, y'know?

'''KID:''' Uh...

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and back at the bag of cash.}''

'''KID:''' That bag looks, uh, rather heavy...

'''LEX:''' Like ya wouldn't believe, kiddo.

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and then grins at Lex.}''

'''KID:''' Would you like to trade?

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Paper... paper... hmm.

''{Chaos looks down with a concerned look upon his face. He looks back at Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...So it was basically free?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' ...Wow. Lucky you. Hah. I feel sorry for the poor sucker you got it from.

'''LEX:''' He seemed pretty happy about it. He said that his dad could finally get treatment, or whatever.

'''CHAOS:''' With paper?

'''LEX:''' Ya.

'''CHAOS:''' Wow. Odd, but... okay.

''{Lex and Chaos walk back to the front of Katyusha's.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are we really gonna start running?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya we are. Are ya ready?

'''CHAOS:''' I've never been ready for exercise, if I'm being hon-...

''{Lex takes off, running.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, you son of a bitch!

''{Chaos runs after him. Cut to Lex, jogging merrily on the sidewalk, not at all breaking a sweat. Chaos comes from behind and matches his speed, however he is also breathing heavily with a red face.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, nice ta see ya caught up!

'''CHAOS:''' No, ''{huff}'', help ''{huff}'', from ''{huff}'', you, ''{huff}'', asshole!

'''LEX:''' Don't worry mon, ya'll get used it!

''{Lex begins to run even faster. Chaos chases after him in an attempt to match his speed, causing him to sweat badly and breathe even heavier.}''

'''CHAOS:''' WHAT IS ''{huff}'' THIS??? ARE YOU ''{huff}'' TRYING ''{huff}'' TO KILL ''{huff}'' ME?

'''LEX:''' I'm going slow, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' FUCK YOU.

''{The two run, side-to-side, through the streets of Townindale. Finally, they reach the Downtown area of the city, represented by the Town Hall building and the large park in front of it. The two reach a nearby tree. Lex stops running, while Chaos crashes down to the ground in a massive pile of sweat. He hyperventilates as he tries to regain his bearings.}''

'''LEX:''' See, I told ya it wasn't that bad! How did it feel?

'''CHAOS:''' My... lungs... are... on... fire... ''{huff}''

''{Chaos picks himself up and dusts himself off. He wipes the sweat off his brow.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, that was too much. I need something to calm my lungs.

''{Chaos pulls a tobacco pipe from his pocket and takes a puff from it. He coughs loudly after inhaling, but then sighs in relief. The two begin to walk down Main Street.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That's much better. So, what is there to do around here?

''{Lex shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' I'unno. Whatever folks do towntown, I guess?

'''CHAOS:''' Like... are there any wine bars? Vintage clothing stores? Cereal cafes?

'''LEX:''' C-cereal cafes?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, man. Like, cafes where you go to eat cereal.

'''LEX:''' Can't you just go to the supermarket and eat some at home?

'''CHAOS:''' I mean, yeah, of course. But in a cereal cafe, you're paying for the experience.

'''LEX:''' Of eating cereal?

'''CHAOS:''' Exactly! Going to a friendly establishment where they serve you cereal and you eat it with friends. And like, you get to eat cereal from other countries too.

'''LEX:''' I'm sorry mon, but that just sounds stupid.

'''CHAOS:''' Nah nah, you don't get it. It's the experience. It's a little expensive, but you get the authentic experience of eating cereal with your peers.

'''LEX:''' It sounds kinda wasteful, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, there's one in London. I mean, if something's in London, it's gotta be good, right?

'''LEX:''' It just sounds like dumb gentrification to me mo-...

''{The two stop in front of a cereal cafe, named "Surreal Cereals".}''

'''LEX:''' What.

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY SHIT THERE ACTUALLY IS ONE, OH MAN OH MAN OH MANNN.

''{Chaos runs through the doors, while Lex follows behind him, looking around in bewilderment. The cafe is small and minimalist in its style, looking more like a museum for modern art than a cafe. Sitting at the tables are young folk in streetwear, stereotypical hipster types, all on their smartphones. At the counter is a tall man with dirty blue hair, a fedora with a feather, a long coat, and a patchy goatee. He is wearing a nametag which says "Tracy". Behind him is a series of shelves with different boxes of cereal.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my gods, this is great!

'''LEX:''' I swear this place wasn't here last week...

''{The two walk up to the counter and are both greeted by Tracy, who smiles at them while looking rather dazed at the same time. He begins to speak in an accent similar to Dick Van Dyke's fake cockney accent in Mary Poppins.}''

'''TRACY:''' 'Ello there, lads. What can I get ya today?

'''LEX:''' Is this place for real?

''{Tracy looks around, and directly at Lex. He blinks. He does a double take as he looks around a second time.}''

'''TRACY:''' Looks pretty real to me, mate. I think.

''{Chaos is looking at the cereal on offer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So... many... choices...

'''LEX:''' Ya, just a question, is this place new?

'''TRACY:''' Uh... gee. I think so? We opened like, last week and stuff. Yeah. I think.

''{Chaos points to a box on the top shelf.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my god, Space Invaders! I haven't had that cereal since I was a kid!

'''TRACY:''' You want that, mate? A'ight, let me grab it.

''{Tracy shuffles to the shelf and picks up the box, bringing it to the counter. He pulls out a carton of milk from under the counter. He also pulls out a bowl.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you want it in a bowl...

'''CHAOS:''' Well, of course I want it in a bowl, what else could cereal be served-...

''{Tracy pulls out a mason jar.}''

'''TRACY:''' Or a mason jar?

'''CHAOS:''' WAIT. YOU CAN EAT CEREAL FROM A MASON JAR?

'''LEX:''' Chaos, according to the menu, a mason jar is like four dollars extra. This place looks like a complete and total sca-...

''{Before Lex can finish his sentence, Chaos has handed Tracy his credit card. Tracy scans it on the cash register, and hands Chaos a mason jar with cereal, milk, and a spoon. Chaos grabs it and sits at the table with the young hipsters. Lex sits next to him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Gee, awful nice day we're having here.

''{There is no response. They all continue to look at their smartphones. Chaos turns to Lex, who shrugs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nice place to... y'know, eat cereal from a mason jar. Like the cool kids do.

''{The hipsters continue to ignore him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. Tough crowd.

'''LEX:''' They're hipsters, mon. They're not ignoring ya, it's just that they have trouble noticing anyone who isn't in their age range.

'''CHAOS:''' What? I am so in their age range! I'm twenty-six years old!

'''LEX:''' Exactly, mon. Twenty-six to them, is like... forty.

'''CHAOS:''' Look, I'm still in with the kids. They just need to be spoken in a language that they understand. Watch and learn, ''homeslice.''

''{Chaos stands up and clears his throat, before addressing the hipsters in front of him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, WHAZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAP, my PEEPS? Shit is mighty cray-cray around here, y'know? Fo sheezy and all that stuff? I see y'all chillaxin' and I was just wonderin' what some of the hip and cool things goin' around this joint are. This cereal cafe, damn dawg, it sure is buzzin, eh? Totally pwns the hell out of all the other cafes in this city...town.

''{One of the hipsters, a young asian male, looks up at Chaos with an expression of both bewilderment and disgust.}''

'''HIPSTER:''' If you wouldn't mind, we're all trying to have a conversation here.

'''CHAOS:''' What? You're not even saying anything!

''{The hipsters all raise their phones and show Chaos, revealing that they have been texting each other the whole time. On the screens feature texts such as "wtf is this creepy dude sitting here for????", along with meme images. Chaos is visibly upset by this.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is bullshit, you guys are fuckin' losers anyway. I'm outta here. "G-T-G", nerds! C'mon, Lex.

''{Chaos frowns and turns around to leave. Lex shrugs at the hipsters as he turns to follow Chaos. Tracy calls out as they walk out of the door.}''

'''TRACY:''' You 'aven't even touched yer cereal! It costs an extra two quid if ya don't eat ya-

''{Before Tracy can finish his sentence, the door slams behind them.}''

'''TRACY:''' Jeez.

'''HIPSTER:''' What a poser.

''{The hipsters all chuckle slightly before reverting back to their original smartphone forms. Cut to the exterior of the cafe.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't get it, Lex! I used to be hip and cool with the young people! I am to be a young people! I don't get what I did wrong. I tried to speak their language and everything!

'''LEX:''' Um, nobody says any of that stuff anymore, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' They don't?

'''LEX:''' Nah. Heck, half of those things ya said were outdated before ya even went to jail.

'''CHAOS:''' R-really?

'''LEX:''' Ya mon.

'''CHAOS:''' So... I didn't sound cool?

'''LEX:''' Sorry to say it mon, but ya sounded kinda ridiculous. And this is comin' from a white Jamaican dude, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' What do the young people say and do nowadays? I need to know, man. I can't stand the idea of not being top of the curve. I need to show them that I'm still hip!

'''LEX:''' Ya can start by not sayin' "the young people". But, I don't even know, I never really followed that stuff. I think they use memes? And dabbing?

'''CHAOS:''' What's a dab?

'''LEX:''' It's one of those things where- hold on, I'll just show ya.

''{Lex performs a dab.}''

'''LEX:''' Like that.

'''CHAOS:''' Lex. That's a Nazi salute. What you did was just a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah man, it's like a sneeze. A fashionable sneeze.

'''CHAOS:''' It's a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah, I'm serious! Look, I'll show ya some videos when we get home.

'''CHAOS:''' I suppose watching what the young people do would definitely make me more well-versed in what they do.

'''LEX:''' Stop callin' them the young people!

'''CHAOS:''' Right, right, yeah, okay, whatever!

''{The two carry on their walk down the street, until the two are caught off-guard by a young Drow male on rollerskates, who out of nowhere runs into Chaos by accident, before tripping over himself and falling face-first onto the ground, dropping several papers in the process. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates the Drow, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, the drow looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''????:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-...

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''????:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Elsewhere a similar looking Drow male with flowing hair and a nice suit is playing DDRMAX 6thMix perfectly}''

'''????:''' ''{singing along}''Flash in the night! It's the light! Shining from your body...

''{Cut back to Lex and Chaos with the strange drow}''

'''????:''' Aw, he's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

'''LEX:''' Why'd he just stare at us wide eyed for sec?

'''CHAOS:''' Hah, he's probably on drugs. Whatever, man. I wanna go home.

'''LEX:''' But... we literally only went to a cafe! That's hardly me showin' ya around a city, don't ya think?

'''CHAOS:''' Look man, after facing the shame and humilation I did from those fresh and funky teens, I don't wanna go anywhere until I am one-hundred percent swaggin'.

'''LEX:''' Oh... okay.

''{Cut back to the apartment. Garfield has the coffee table covered in dinosaur action figures. On top of the action figures is a map of Towningdale.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, if I use this long neck eating the star leaves to show where Spook Cliff is, then...

''{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}''

'''LEX:''' Garf, we're hoooooome!

''{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.

'''GARFIELD:''' Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my indeed, that is definitely stressful.

'''LEX:''' I don' get why ya care so much!

'''CHAOS:''' How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?

''{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.

'''CHAOS:''' Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.

''{Garfield frowns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up, owing to our mutually high standards.

'''LEX:''' This apartment is literally all we need, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' WE. NEED. ''MORE.''

''{Short pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I shall exile myself from this conversation.

'''LEX:''' Garf, you're doin' no wrong.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, he's ''very'' much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-

''{Garfield's eyes glow red. He punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}''

'''LEX:''' I... I think that was excessive, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.

''{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}''

'''LEX:''' We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.

'''GARFIELD:''' I can conjure up a steak recipe from there, though let me get my sunscreen.

''{Garfield's eyes stop glowing red. He and Lex each split off in different directions, with the camera zooming on Chaos' unconscious body slowly; after a minute, it fades to black.}''

Wikihood/eps/12

2018-09-20T05:03:54Z

Remolay:

== Synopsis ==

== Transcript ==

''{The scene begins in Town Hall. Noelle is at her desk, taking the occasional secretary role when not on the computer trying to manage the Mayor's doings. The clock turns to the hour. Noelle gets up from her desk, whilst still on the phone.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Look, I've got to go. I'll see you guys tomorrow; hopefully, you can help teach the Mayor how to use a Windows 10 computer. Farewell.

''{Noelle hangs up.}''

'''NOELLE:''' The Nerd Krewe better show up. They owe me more than just one favour.

''{Noelle goes to clock out from her office. Fast-forward to reveal Noelle's high-end apartment. She goes over to her kitchen and turns on a coffee machine.}''

'''NOELLE:''' ''{yawns}'' What a rough day.

''{Noelle turns on her high-definition television, then picks up a PlayStation 4 controller and headset. She turns her microphone on.}''

'''NOELLE:''' 'Sup, playas.

'''KENDALL:''' Yo, Noelle! How was work?

'''NOELLE:''' Same old, same old. I clocked out late. Again.

'''KENDALL:''' Another long day as usual?

'''NOELLE:''' Yep. Kind of just glad to be home, really.

'''KENDALL:''' Hear about North Syllahona? Apparently, President Kardashian-West is going to a peace summit there.

'''NOELLE:''' Bleck, politics. Yes, I saw it all already. My feed was nothing ''but'' politics.

'''KENDALL:''' Sorry, mate. Thought you might've wanted to hear my two cents on it.

'''NOELLE:''' I do, but I need to engage in some Motor Vehicle Theft 6 first. Where 'we dropping? Wizard's Tower?

'''KENDALL:''' Wizard's Tower isn't in this one.

'''NOELLE:''' I could've sworn it was.

'''KENDALL:''' Nah, MVT 6 is only loosely based on Republic Island. One of the only landmarks they didn't make a substitute for is the Clock Museum. Let's drop by there.

''{Short pause.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Alright. Clock Museum it is.

''{On-screen, Noelle's avatar drops into the street, right next to a large clock-tower. A secondary avatar drops in next to her's.}''

'''KENDALL:''' Let's steal some shit!

''{The two avatars walk up to a car which is parked in the street and attempt to hijack it. However, a pop-up appears, stating: "Would you like to pay $5 to gain access to the new 2018 Edison Chevalier?"

'''KENDALL:''' These microtransactions are getting worse! I swear, this game is becoming unplayable as of late.

'''NOELLE:''' Tell me about it.

'''KENDALL:''' The last one was much better, in my opinion. Oh yeah, do you have any plans for the coming weekend?

'''NOELLE:''' A few plans, yeah. I promised this dude that I'd help him find a new apartment.

''{Kendall squeals in delight.}''

'''KENDALL:''' Ooh, did you get a boyfriend?

'''NOELLE:''' No! Not like that! I barely know him! I just... agreed to help him, that's all.

''{Suddenly, their two avatars die as the entire map is nuked.}''

'''NOELLE:''' What?!

'''KENDALL:''' Argh, somebody bought the Nuke DLC!

''{Cut to the apartment above the Pierogi restaurant. Chaos is all nervous and jittery, while Garfield and Lex are watching him pace around the front room.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Chaos, I really don't think it's a good idea to go out tomorrow. There are people looking for you. You need to lay low!

'''LEX:''' Ya'd think that'd be the thing he's all shook up about, instead'a meetin' a girl. I mean, ya spent three years in prison!

'''CHAOS:''' OH GODS!!

''{Chaos panics harder.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What if she finds out that I went to prison? She might see me as a thug! I can't ''not'' tell her, though, because that would be lying and she would find out! But it's not technically lying...

''{Lex and Garfield look at each other, confusedly.}''

'''CHAOS:''' But it's still lying by omission which is the same thing as lying, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods!!

''{Lex grabs Chaos by the shoulders and slaps him.}''

'''LEX:''' Pull ya'self out of ya polytheistic blasphemy, mon! Ya gonna be fine!

'''CHAOS:''' I'm fine. I'm fine. I think.

'''GARFIELD:''' I think those men were of some organized crime unit. You should not do this. You too, Lex!

'''LEX:''' I don't know why ya warnin' us when it was ya gal who tipped that guy off in tha first place!

'''CHAOS:''' Wait, what?

''{Garfield stands up and throws his arms in the air.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm not entitled to request Stephanie's assistance with my supervillainy. It would jeopardize the strength of our friendship, maybe even double jeopardize it.

'''LEX:''' I don't blame ya, mon. Still, we ''should'' be fine.

'''CHAOS:''' What was this about organized crime?

''{Garfield facepalms. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.}''

'''LEX:''' I'll get it!

''{Lex scoots offscreen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...Nevermind. Garfield, ya gotta help me, man. What should I wear? Should I go t-shirt and jeans, or should I wear a button-up shirt? What if she expects me to wear a suit?! Wait- We're only looking at apartments, it's not a ''date'' or anything.

'''GARFIELD:''' Look, can't you reschedule it, at least? I'll go out and investigate, and see if I can fix this mess, and then you can go out.

'''CHAOS:''' ''Reschedule?'' And look like some fuckin' loser with cold feet? No way!

''{Lex comes back, holding a package that has been hastily wrapped in newspaper and tied together with a string. It is also wet and dripping.}''

'''LEX:''' Weird. Nobody was at th'door. Did any of ya's order somethin' from the dwarfnet?

'''CHAOS:''' Nope.

'''GARFIELD:''' I bought some soap opera memorabilia, but it did not look like that.

'''LEX:''' Huh. Let's see what's inside

''{Lex sits down and unwraps the package, untying the string and opening the newspaper. It is revealed to be a bundle of fish.}''

'''LEX:''' Are any'ya sure that ya didn't order fish from the dwarfnet?

'''GARFIELD:''' No...

''{Everybody looks at each other in confusion. Cut to Rosato, who is parked outside of the restaurant. Giuliano runs out of the building and gets into the car.}''

'''GIULIANO:''' I did it. I gave 'em the message. Tonight, they will be sleepin' with the fishes.

'''ROSATO:''' That's great. Now all we need to do is wait. We'll shadow 'em and nab 'em when they're least expectin' it.

''{Giuliano and Rosato drive off. Cut to Noelle at the grocery store, buying some fish.}''

'''NOELLE:''' It's been a long while since I had swordfish...

''{Noelle picks up some swordfish, checking the expiration date.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Good, I knew this store was the best!

''{Noelle looks around. Some men in suits show up, followed by Droll.}''

'''DROLL:''' Something something blueprints...

''{Droll looks at a cue card. Rolling his eyes, he throws the cue card away.}''

'''DROLL:''' Did the Mayor get involved in any crime recently?

'''NOELLE:''' Gods, no. I've been trying to keep him in the straight and narrow.

'''DROLL:''' Well, there goes that breadcrumb trail, lads. We'll probably find better luck in the cereal aisle.

''{Droll and the men in suits walk offscreen. Noelle feverishly tries to text Mayor Meier. Fast-forward to Noelle in her apartment, talking on her headphone whilst playing on her PS4.}''

'''NOELLE:''' I think I have time to cook the swordfish tomorrow.

'''JOAN:''' Swordfish? What part of Towningdale are you living in again?

'''NOELLE:''' Downtown.

'''JOAN:''' Oh, okay. So, how did you get an apartment in there?

'''NOELLE:''' Battel Tournament prize. It came with a red luxury car.

'''JOAN:''' Wait, a legit fighting tournament?

'''NOELLE:''' Long story, not worth getting into. I have to wear eyeshadow to mask black eyes.

'''JOAN:''' You still have to use makeup?

'''NOELLE:''' A lot of gossip goes 'round in Towningdale. Town Hall is not exempt.

''{Fast-forward. Noelle eventually gets bored of playing on her PS4, and connects her computer to the monitor. She winds up watching some news - Sarah Khoroushi is hosting.}''

'''KHOROUSHI:''' Petrobucks' campaign aide is being taken to court over a boat crash incident that killed five and injured twenty people. So far, it looks like the aide is being charged with negligent homicide, and reports indicate that Petrobucks is so enamored with oil companies that his aides are trying to sweep this incident under the rug. More news at-

''{Noelle disconnects the monitor to her computer. She then checks the time on the bottom right corner of her screen.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Wait, yeah, I called for a day off today.

''{Noelle gets up, and stretches her arms and legs.}''

'''NOELLE:''' ''{yawns}'' Time for my morning walk, I guess?

''{Fast-forward to Noelle in a change of clothes, to something more casual as she heads towards the park. She spots Stephanie sitting on a park bench with a vanilla latte.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Yo, Latte-Girl!

''{Stephanie blinks, then looks at Noelle with lowered eyelids.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's Stephanie.

'''NOELLE:''' Sorry, I keep forgetting.

''{Stephanie warily sips her latte.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Hey, so... how've things been? Kinda haven't seen you in a while.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Work's been kicking me in the balls.

'''NOELLE:''' You, too?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I've been keeping up with the news and trying to carry all of Republic Island on my back.

'''NOELLE:''' Wouldn't your spine fold like origami?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Not if I mix this vanilla latte with some hard-ass scotch, a chocolate milkshake...

'''NOELLE:''' Needed to mix all the desserts?

''{Stephanie blinks, then downs her entire latte.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Damn, girl. It's not even six in the morning!

''{Stephanie does a backflip off the bench, landing on the grass.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I've been up since 3 AM trying to evade anxiety problems.

''{Short pause.}''

'''NOELLE:''' ...I'm not sure mixing scotch with coffee helps with that, really.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Have you even ''met'' my boss?

'''NOELLE:''' Well, I presume you've been jogging?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I don't like running away.

'''NOELLE:''' I'm not being figurative, I was thinking some exercise oughta-

''{Stephanie lifts up her left hand, revealing that it's been bandaged since her last appearance.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I punched a tree.

'''NOELLE:''' Uhm-

''{Noelle looks dumbfounded.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Look, I gotta jet. Those breakfast pierogis aren't going to get themselves.

''{Stephanie runs offscreen.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Cool, yet aloof. I wonder if-

''{Noelle strokes her own chin.}''

'''NOELLE:''' She didn't specify where she was getting pierogis... though that does narrow it down to... ten? Ten places?

''{Noelle walks in a different direction from Stephanie. The camera focuses on Stephanie, as she bumps into Leigh again.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Whoops, sorry-

''{Leigh and Stephanie freeze as they look at each other. A few seconds later, Leigh picks up his luggage and proceeds onward.}''

'''LEIGH:''' My mistake. I should have watched where I was going.

''{Stephanie catches up with Leigh.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' What are you-

'''LEIGH:''' I'm moving out of my old apartment today. Gordon and I were going to meet for pierogis.

'''STEPHANIE:''' What a serendipity. I, too, seek pierogis.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah. Turns out that my life is still going pretty well since your boss got me fired.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm sorry about that, I-...

'''LEIGH:''' I'm not blaming you. Though don't get me wrong, your boss is doing a good job at making enemies.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I know.

''{Zoom out to reveal Gordon's moped fast approaching Leigh and Stephanie as they are walking through Downtown Towningdale.}''

'''GORDON:''' Oi, Claymore! Sorry it took me longer t'get 'ere, I kept gettin' cut off by these black cars which are all around the city.

''{A nervous look appears on Stephanie's face at the sound of "black cars" as she backs away.}''

'''GORDON:''' Ye' gonna hop on? It ain't too far from 'ere. If I'm gonna 'elp ye pack, ye' bet I'm gonnae get some fud in me' belly first!

'''LEIGH:''' Of course! Right behind you!

''{Leigh gets on the back of the moped. He sees Stephanie, who is creeping away.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, weren't you going to the same place?

'''GORDON:''' Ah, if ye' wanna join us, y'can! Hop on, if we squeeze together enough, we could get three people on 'ere!

'''STEPHANIE:''' Uhh- Yeah, I just realized that I had something to do.

'''LEIGH:''' Really? That's a shame. See ya!

''{Gordon and Leigh scoot off, leaving Stephanie behind.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm really starting to question my own life choices lately...

''{Cut to the apartment. Lex and Garfield are still in the living room as Chaos emerges from his bedroom, dressed in jeans and a white button-up shirt, with his tweed jacket over it. He pulls out a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Well? How do I look?

'''GARFIELD:''' You look like my grandpa.

'''CHAOS:''' What?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon. What ya wearing... it's stylish, don't get me wrong. But stylish durin' the Great Depression, y'know?

''{Chaos scoffs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You two wouldn't know style if it punched you in the face!

'''LEX:''' Hey, if you like it, it's good.

'''CHAOS:''' She told me to meet her outside the Town Hall building around one, and it is...

''{Chaos looks at his watch.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Five minutes until one, FUCK, I'M GONNA BE LATE! I GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO... SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!

''{Lex walks up to Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' Don't ya worry ya little head. I'll drive ya there. We'll make it in no-time, flat!

'''CHAOS:''' Oh gods, thank you, man!

''{Cut to Lex driving Chaos through the busy traffic in his ice-cream machine, paying no regard to street signs or traffic lights.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I appreciate you doing this for me, but I'm pretty sure you just ran a red light.

'''LEX:''' Nah, mon. Emergency vehicles are exempt.

'''CHAOS:''' Lex, it's an ice-cream truck.

'''LEX:''' Ice-cream is always an emergency, mon.

''{Cut to the area outside of Town Hall. Chaos spots Noelle sitting on the steps while listening to her MP3 player. Lex is about to park in front of the building, but Chaos stops him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Just drop me off here, my guy.

'''LEX:''' What, afraid that I'll embarrass ya?

'''CHAOS:''' No, of course not! I just... figured that I need some exercise. Stretch my legs, y'know?

'''LEX:''' I gotcha mon.

''{Chaos gets out of the truck.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I owe you for this, Lex.

'''LEX:''' Hey, don't mention it. I'll keep a close watch on ya.

''{Lex and Chaos give each other thumbs up. Chaos walks over to Noelle, who doesn't see him. He awkwardly stands around before he gently taps her on the shoulder. Noelle grabs his wrist and squeezes it hard, but lets go when she notices that it's him. She takes her earphones out.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Hey, you made it!

''{Chaos rubs his wrist, trying not to show his pain.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Haha, yeah...

'''NOELLE:''' I am so sorry about that! I've been taking self-defense classes, and it happened automatically, I'm-

'''CHAOS:''' No no, it's fine. Self-defense is good. What kind? Kara''te''? Tae-kwon-do?

'''NOELLE:''' Krav Maga.

'''CHAOS:''' Nice, nice.

'''NOELLE:''' I found a few listings online. You said you wanted somewhere close to where your friends live, right?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, but closer to Downtown. Mid-range price.

'''NOELLE:''' Awesome! I'll show you what I've seen so far, come!

''{Noelle grabs Chaos' wrist and walks off, with Chaos' trailing behind her. Cut to Katyusha's.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Chefs glad you came back!

'''LEIGH:''' I'm glad Chefs enjoy my presence.

'''VOLKOV:''' Pierogi restaurant guaranteed sanctuary.

'''GORDON:''' Erm, sanctuary?

'''LEIGH:''' This is where I'm gonna live. Well.

''{Leigh points up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Upstairs.

'''GORDON:''' 'Yer livin' at a pierogi restaurant? Ach, does that mean ya can get me free food?

'''VOLKOV:''' Don't push it.

'''GORDON:''' Sorry.

'''LEIGH:''' On that note, though, we'd like to get some pierogis to go. We wanna fill up, before we-

''{Volkov immediately pulls out a large bag of pierogies.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. That was quick.

'''VOLKOV:''' I had them ready in advance.

''{Volkov walks offscreen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ...well, I had intent to buy some new furniture, since I just got the last of my belongings here.

''{Gordon cocks a brow.}''

'''GORDON:''' Ye should probably take a breather. Mebbe the pierogies'll help.

'''VOLKOV:''' Online shopping is what I suggest.

''{Short pause.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Good idea.

''{Gordon and Leigh both eat a lot of pierogies. Cut back to Lex, in his ice cream truck. The hipsters from Surreal Cereals show up, with one of them texting on their phone.}''

'''LEX:''' I'm sorry, I-

''{Texting Hipster shows their phone, which has the message, "Do you actually sell ice cream?"}''

'''LEX:''' I used to. That was a long time ago.

''{Texting Hipster shakes their head, and continues texting.}''

'''OTHER HIPSTER:''' So what... you just hog all the ice cream for yourself now?

'''LEX:''' Nah mon, no ice cream. Got a couple a birds in here, though.

'''OTHER HIPSTER:''' Woah, man. We just wanted to ask about ice cream, not your personal life.

''{the hipsters leave in disgust. Lex turns to yell to the back of the truck}''

'''LEX:''' I told ya no one wanted to see birds in an ice cream truck! Outta here, the both of ya!

''{the back of the ice cream truck suddenly pops open as two pigeons fly out}''

'''LEX:''' Thought I'd never be rid of them...

User talk:Tyrannosaurus Lex

2018-06-21T21:24:18Z

Remolay: /* Break My Stride - Matthew Wilder */ new section

'''ARCHIVES:''' [[/Archive 1|1]] [[/Archive 2|2]] [[/Archive 3|3]] [[/Archive 4|4]] [[/Archive 5|5]] [[/Archive 6|6]] [[/Archive 7|7]]

== yo homebuoy ==

I finally got around to tolerating Homestuck enough to quote it unironically. Mostly, because I kneww a chap on another community wwho wwouldn't shut UP about Eridan Ampora and howw "awwful" he wwas. So, said chap piqued my curiosity and noww I am wwarmin up to it. I do still prefer Swweet Bro and Hella Jeff ovver it, as wwell as Problem Sleuth.

Howwevver, I wwill be keepin in mind my ovverall ambivvalence towwards a chunk of it. It took me four days to get from Act 1 to Act 6 Intermission 3, so that's wwhy I wwas capable of marathonnin Homestuck. I also marathon Penny Arcade because sometimes they're hilarious. Anywway, I wwager you're probs busy or somefin, so I'll be sporadically here and there. Possibly finishin my RiffText stuff, as wwell as anyfin else I wwas partwway through afore I left last time. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 11:16, 16 December 2012 (UTC)
:While it is far fr9m my intenti9n t9 st9p y9u fr9m having fun, I feel that it is my utm9st duty t9 inf9rm y9u that what y9u are currently d9ing is n9t accepta6le at all. 6y c9pying the typing quirk 9f a certain seadweller, what y9u are d9ing is participating in a certain practice kn9wn as "typing appr9priati9n." While I'm sure y9ur intents are far fr9m malev9lent in purp9se, it is still a rather sensitive issue that c9uld 9ffend. I d9 h9pe y9u can understand where I am c9ming fr9m 6ecause as I said earlier, it is n9t my intenti9n t9 st9p any type 9f fun fr9m y9ur end, 9h n9, n9t at all. It's just that appr9priati9n is a seri9us matter n9 matter h9w min9r it may seem t9 y9u 9r pe9ple ar9und y9u. 6ecause 9f this, I must remind y9u that y9u may h9ld certain typing privileges 9ver 9thers wh9 are n9t s9 lucky, s9 in sh9rt I must ask f9r y9u t9 check this privilege. Privilege checking is a seri9us matter y9u see, and I wh9leheartedly 6elieve that it is d9ne f9r the 6enefit 9f all parties in 9rder t9 minimize any p9tential 9ffense. I d9 h9pe y9u understand. While I myself, am n9t triggered 6y this, there are individuals wh9 c9uld 6e p9tentially triggered 6y such a practice and y9u sh9uld always l99k 9ut f9r them. And while I am at it, I must tag my triggers s9 n969dy is 9ffended 6y what I have t9 say. Certain triggers may include 6ut are n9t limited t9: Hum9r p9licing, typing quirk appr9priati9n, privilege checking, ackn9wledgement 9f privilege, and trigger warnings in general. {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 18:46, 17 December 2012 (UTC)

::Gotcha. I'll keep that in mind, whilst I do my other stuff. Oh, and I'm available on Tumblr most of the time. I think I followed you first. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 19:11, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
:::Oh, really? What's your name? Did I already follow you back? {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:32, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
::::Coll-of-the-haunted. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 20:35, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
:::::Oh, you haven't followed me yet. I followed you back now. Just a warning though, 95% of my blog nowadays is Homestuck, aha. {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:47, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
::::::I think I followed the wrong blog accidentally. Thankfully I remedied the mistake. Anyway, a lot of blogs I follow are Homestuck nowadays (even Pokemon Nuzlocke peeps who I primarily followed prior) [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 20:50, 17 December 2012 (UTC)
:::::::Yeah, I noticed. That was my old url on tumblr. I changed it slightly so that I could track it through the tags though. Sorry about that! {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:51, 17 December 2012 (UTC)

== John Carter vs. Flash Gordon ==

who wins

gogogo {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 05:15, 28 December 2012 (UTC)
:flash duh
:his movie didn't fucking fail at the box office {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 05:33, 28 December 2012 (UTC)

== I'm coming back here again long-term on Monday ==

I'd also like to assume the role of ambassador for your new empire {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 19:59, 10 August 2013 (UTC)
:oh yeah sure i have a cushy spot reserved for you
:feel free to take any other titles you want
:knighthoods, peerages, all that shit
:it's all cool {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 08:14, 11 August 2013 (UTC)

:Meet a boy named Phil and his family 
On vacation from the 22nd century 
They got a rented time-machine and they're on their way 
To a time, way, way, way back in the day 

So now he's Phil, Phil of the future 
Keeping it together just as best as he can 
Phil, Phil of the future, he's a 22nd century man 
A 22nd century man 

On a holiday through history 
But the final destination was a mystery 
But something on the time-machine had blown 
So they ended up right here in our time zone 

So now he's Phil, Phil of the future 
Never knew in history just where he would land 
Phil, Phil of the future, he's a 22nd century man 
A 22nd century man {{User:MelonDemon43/sig}}
:i'm crying tears of beauty {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 08:14, 11 August 2013 (UTC)
::this will be the anthem of our nation, and our children and their children will sing it every day in class {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 22:17, 11 August 2013 (UTC)
:::i was kinda hoping for "corey in the house" but with "lex" instead of corey but this is alright too i guess {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 22:19, 11 August 2013 (UTC)

== come to think of it what did you even do on hrfwiki ==

I legit don't remember any of your pre-purge work, and the fact that you didn't have anything on the gravy boat kind of speaks miles about your work ;o {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:03, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:he bothered other 2nd gens for attention {{User:MelonDemon43/sig}}
::he's not even kidding that's exactly what i did

::i mostly just bummed around on interactives and i never really did much other than that

::i had like.. one email show and that's it {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:07, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::come to think of it the last 6 and a half years of drama could have easily been avoided if they just never proposed the idea of wiki user emails because then less people would be tempted to use wiki users a characters {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:09, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::Oddly enough, I don't disagree with that sentiment. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 03:10, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::nah the whole wiki user thing started with self-inserts in homestar fics and interactives {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:11, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::but it never would have gotten out of hand if the idea of making these self-inserts their own recognizable entities and giving them a whole category with which to reign {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:14, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::to be fair you can only go so far with homestar runner {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:17, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::::I'm just saying that if people were genuine and the rules were laid down hard that this place probably would have never existed {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:18, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::man that would have sucked
:::::::::the only reason why this place exists though is because they cracked down on people making non-homestar stuff on their userpages
:::::::::like thestick's rpg
:::::::::anyone know when that's coming out {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:21, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::::::All I know is that Everything You Know Is Wrong probably would've still crashed and burned at around 2009-2010 even if it were still on the HRFWiki. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 03:25, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::::come to think of it I kind of want to port over SSBR for nostalgia purposes, though if I could assemble a sizable development team then perhaps I could probably get off my lazy ass and make it go somewhere {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:29, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::::::::remember the game makers society where everyone had games planned but no one actually made them {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:31, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::::::come to think of it I've used the term "come to think of it" at least four times since I've started this conversation {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:33, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::::::::::i have weird quirks too, hahahahaha {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:36, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::::::::come to think of it you're retarded {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:38, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::::::::rude {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:44, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::::::::<33333333 {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:46, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::::::::::::i start too many sentences with "yknow", "basically", and "now" {{User:MelonDemon43/sig}}

(Fuck these colons) I have a whole junk heap of oddities which out-odd all y'all by leaps and bounds. :| [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 03:48, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:Yeah yeah, we're all odd, we get it. Quit reminding everybody. {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:49, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::i shot a man in reno {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:51, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
:::that

:::that doesn't sound that odd actually {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 03:51, 18 August 2013 (UTC)
::::just to watch him die {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:56, 18 August 2013 (UTC)

== you're a monster ==

all those poor poor dead pages and their widowed families, HAVE YOU NO SHAME? {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 05:06, 26 August 2013 (UTC)
:i literally get off on the screams and despair of these pages as i rob them of their precious lives {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 05:08, 26 August 2013 (UTC)

== lex would you ==

like to know. in great and long detail. what would happen if Wikihood Lex tried to flirt on Ventin. it'd be fun. I promise. {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 04:17, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
:wikihood lex is asexual tho {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 04:18, 28 August 2013 (UTC)

== knock knock ==

who's there {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:the power of voodoo {{User:Sephiroth/sig}}
::doctor who ha ha you said it {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:::No I'm pretty sure he's talking about the babe. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 20:47, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
::::do what {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 21:07, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::The babe with the power. The power of voodoo. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 21:09, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::to get to the other side!!! {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 21:12, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::the aristocrats {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
::::::::word to ''your'' mother #{{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 22:50, 28 August 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::please no :( {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
::::::::::yes ;) {{User:Sephiroth/sig}}

== I have a kweschun ==

I don't remember the era of Autistic Bisexuals. When did you become their hot god? [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 06:22, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
:it's like a global statistic that about 80% of the users here either fall into the category of autistic or bisexual. and i'm apparently their lord and master despite being neither of those things {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 06:35, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
::Ah. As I am not bisexual, I was confused. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 06:36, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
:::believe me, i am just as confused {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 07:02, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
::::don't worry, we know your confused, but once you clear up we'll be very supportive of your lifestyle {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:::::hersh can you explain to us why you didn't like it when we used the word retarded {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 16:50, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
::::::because i was retarded {{User:StroHersh/sig}}

Another question. If you plan to make Katawa Hearts in order to have my blood boil, do you plan to make the characters all drawn in Jhonen Vasquez-ish style or Psychonauts-ish style? I can't remember which of those two art styles I loathe more. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 18:16, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
:well it's text so i wasn't thinking of an art-style, but you can totally imagine it like psychonauts if you like {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 18:22, 29 August 2013 (UTC)
::I'm not sure if I want to make my eyes hurt that badly .-. [[User:Noxigar|Noxigar]] 18:24, 29 August 2013 (UTC)

== '5 Cool Gays' ==

really lex {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 03:30, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:it looks like...

:YOU GOT TROLLED!!! XD

http://i.imgur.com/cWUtQLl.png

{{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:43, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

== FRANK-N-FURTER ==

IT'S ALL OVERRRRR {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 20:34, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:YOUR MISSION IS A FAILURE {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:39, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::YOUR LIFESTYLE'S TOO EXTREME {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 20:42, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:::I'M YOUR ''NEWWWWWWW'' COMMANDER {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:44, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::::YOU NOW ARE MY PRISONERRRR {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 20:45, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:::::WE RETURN TO TRANSYLVANIAAA {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:50, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::::::PREPARE THE TRANSIT BEAAAAAAAAAM {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 20:51, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:::::::i remember discovering rocky horror in 9th grade and everyone thinking i was transgender when i sang sweet transvestite out loud in class {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:52, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::::::::!!!
::::::::yourenot?!?!?! {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 20:54, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
:::::::::nah {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 20:56, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

== m8 ==

i will fight u {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:i do it because i love you {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 21:29, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::don't treat me like i'm one of your OTHER WOMEN {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:::no, it's just... in my life, there's been heartache and pain {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 21:32, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::::okay i forgive you

::::wanna yiff {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:::::I would love to, ben {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 21:38, 2 September 2013 (UTC)
::::::i've got my fursuit ready {{User:StroHersh/sig}}
:::::::get off my lawn {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 23:10, 2 September 2013 (UTC)

== lex ==

why are you not on steam

i want to talk to you

and pester you to update wikihoods {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 00:25, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
:oh, i'll get on ass app {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 00:28, 6 September 2013 (UTC)

==Oh man, serious sam?==
I've never played serious sam and kinda want to.
:I'll PM you the codes on Twitter. {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 21:31, 12 September 2013 (UTC)

== hey lex ==

touch {{User:Sirrus/siggy}} 04:19, 14 September 2013 (UTC)

== Hey alexandria. ==

I see you restored many JCM songs. I totally didnt tell you to do that you rulebreaker {{User:MelonDemon43/sig}}
:oh shiiiiiiiiiiit {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 07:25, 25 February 2014 (UTC)

== I actually thought there was a serious reasoning behind you having a fake birthdate on your userpage ==

ohp :9 {{User:Chaosvii7/Sig}} 02:54, 22 March 2014 (UTC)
:no i'm just an idiot {{User:Sephiroth/sig}} 03:00, 22 March 2014 (UTC)

== Re: Member ==

Remember to sing only inside of realized phantoms. -[[User:The thing|Sigh fur station]] 18:31, 2 February 2017 (EST)
:whatever you're taking i'll have two please {{User:Tyrannosaurus Lex/sig}} 00:13, 3 February 2017 (EST)
::[[Countown/3|Don't hold your fort in your eye alone.]] -[[User:The thing|Jester Twister]] 13:52, 3 February 2017 (EST)
:::[[Countown|Linear time has regrouped]] -[[User:The thing|Shot Messenger]] 17:23, 6 February 2017 (EST)

== Break My Stride - Matthew Wilder ==

Last night I had the strangest dream 
I sailed away to China 
In a little row boat to find ya 
And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned 
Didn't want no one to hold you What does that mean 
And you said 

Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride 
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no 
I got to keep on movin' 
Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride 
I'm running and I won't touch ground 
Oh no, I got to keep on movin' 

You're on the road and now you pray it lasts
 The road behind was rocky
 But now you're feeling cocky
 You look at me and you see your past
 Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast
 And she said
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
 I got to keep on moving
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 I'm running and I won't touch ground
 Oh no, I got to keep on moving
 Never let another girl like you work me over
 Never let another girl like you drag me under
 If I meet another girl like you, I will tell her
 Never want another girl like you, have to say, oh
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 Nobody gonna slow me down
 Oh no, oh no, I got to keep on moving
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 I'm running and I won't touch ground
 Oh no, I got to keep on movin'
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 Nobody gonna slow me down
 Oh no, oh no, I got to keep on moving
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 I'm running and I won't touch ground
 Oh no, I got to keep on movin'
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 Nobody gonna slow me down
 Oh no, I got to keep on moving
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 I'm running and I won't touch ground
 Oh no, I got to keep on movin'
 Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
 Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh no

Wikihood/eps/11

2018-06-05T04:14:31Z

Remolay: I wanted to improve some dialogue, I don’t really have any contributions

Wikihood/eps/10

2018-05-31T12:45:36Z

Remolay:

==Synopsis==
The day after the heist.

==Transcript==
''{Open to Chaos, Lex, Garfield, Tracy, Headwiz, and Virgil sitting at a table at Katyusha's, which is covered with several plates and bowls with an assortment of pierogies, sausages, cabbage rolls, borscht, schnitzel, and latkes.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Man, this stuff is really fuckin' good! If I knew you lived here, I would've actually visited you guys.

'''GARFIELD:''' Technically, we live above it, but-...

'''HEADWIZ:''' Yeah, yeah, I know. Still, though. I haven't had cabbage rolls this good since my dad used to make 'em for me when I was a kid.

'''CHAOS:''' Lex and I have finished counting the bills, along with the money that Headwiz managed to siphon from the bank account. Splitting it evenly, we will all be getting around $400,000 each.

''{Garfield does a spit-take, covering Tracy in borscht.}''

'''TRACY:''' Ugh, dude!

'''GARFIELD:''' Cripes, sorry about that. Four-hundred grand? Are you serious?

'''CHAOS:''' Yep. We managed to grab around $2.4 million from the fundraiser alone. We got that D'Arque guy good.

'''LEX:''' Ya all gotta remember to stay low for the next few months. Don't arouse any suspicions, ya?

''{Garfield, Tracy, and Virgil all nod.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Got it, man. Say, what do y'all plan on doin' with your cuts?

'''CHAOS:''' I don't know, yet. I'm thinking that I could find my own place to live.

'''LEX:''' What? Don't ya like living with me and Garf?

'''CHAOS:''' I'd like to have my own bedroom, to be honest!

'''LEX:''' That's fair. I don't know what I wanna do with my money, either. Perhaps I'll buy a bar of chocolate, or somethin'.

'''TRACY:''' Dude... you can do that anyway. Chocolate doesn't cost-...

''{Chaos places his hand on Tracy's wrist and leans forward.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Don't bother telling him this stuff, he doesn't get it. Let him have this.

''{Tracy looks confused as Chaos backs away.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' I'm gonna send most of the money back to my mom. She needs it more than I do.

'''VIRGIL:''' Yeah, same. Well, gonna divide it between my family, the community, my lil sis' college fund...

'''TRACY:''' I'm just surprised at how smoothly this went. Nobody got hurt from this whatsoever!

''{Cut to Leigh, who is being interrogated by Xavier D'Arque in Jacqueline Rosenberg's office. Standing next to Xavier is Jacqueline with her arms crossed, and standing behind Leigh is Stephanie and Dahn. Xavier slams his fists on the table.}''

'''XAVIER:''' THE FUCKING VILLAGE PEOPLE? DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT BULLSHIT?

'''DAHN:''' Nah man, witnesses did say that they looked kinda like the village-

'''XAVIER:''' CRAM IT, I'M TALKING HERE!

''{Dahn squeals as Xavier stands up from the chair and sits on the desk, getting close to Leigh.}''

'''XAVIER:''' So lemme get this straight. You lost your keycard, found the thieves, who looked like the Village People, and then got knocked out and shoved into a toilet cubicle?

'''LEIGH:''' Th-th-that is what happened... sir...

''{Xavier turns to Jacqueline.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I cannot believe you would hire somebody so useless as to let a bunch of fucking thieves steal ''my money!''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Yelling at me is not going to make this any better.

'''STEPHANIE:''' And to be fair, it's not like he's equipped to deal with such a thing. That's more the job of the security guards.

'''XAVIER:''' I don't give a fuck! He is... or ''was'' an employee of this company, and he fucked up.

'''LEIGH:''' I'm- I'm sorry... I-...

'''XAVIER:''' You will be sorry, alright. You're fired!

'''LEIGH:''' You can't fire me! You don't even work here!

'''XAVIER:''' Oh, but I do, dirt elf. I work for this entire city, and this entire fucking state! It cost a lot of money to do this and shit hit the fan. Now I'm drawing blood. Get the ''fuck'' out.

''{Leigh looks at Jacqueline for affirmation, but she just shakes her head and sighs.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' If we keep you, this will really bad on the company, and I cannot allow that. I'm letting you go, Leigh. I'm sorry.

''{Leigh sighs before cracking a small smile.}''

'''LEIGH:''' At least I broke my one week limit, huh?

''{Jacqueline sighs. Leigh stands up and walks out of the office, looking defeated. Both Jacqueline and Stephanie look somewhat remorseful, while Xavier is wearing a shit-eating grin. Dahn looks concerned, but is keeping his mouth shut. Cut to the building's foyer. Leigh walks out of the main elevators, and is immediately greeted by Gordon, who is wearing a large smile on his face.}''

'''GORDON:''' EY, FUTURE EMPLOYEE OF TH' MONTH, WHAT'S...

''{Gordon sees Leigh, looking defeated.}''

'''GORDON:''' ...up, mate? Are ya a'ight? Anythin' you'd like t'talk aboot?

'''LEIGH:''' Goodbye, Gord. Those were two really good weeks, eh?

''{Gordon goes to put his arm around Leigh, but Leigh avoids him and walks out of the doors. He sees Jules on the other end of the street, who whistles and waves at him. He ignores him as he sadly roller skates home. Cut to the six, who have finished their feast. Volkov comes to the table.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Does anybody have room for seconds?

'''TRACY:''' I would love to, but I am stuffed. There's only so much borscht I can have in one sitting.

'''CHAOS:''' I think we're good, Volkov. Can we have the bill?

'''VOLKOV:''' Of course! Coming right up!

''{Volkov goes offscreen. Garfield loudly burps.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Give us a couple of days, and we'll deposit the money into your bank accounts.

'''LEX:''' It's also a good idea if ya guys keep a distance from us for a month or so. Just do thin's like ya'd do anyways, and use ya best judgement.

'''VIRGIL:''' I'm goin' back to Phoenixshire tomorrow, so that won't be a problem. Gonna buy some souvenirs, but that's it.

''{Virgil stands up.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Say, if any of y'all find yourselves in West Virginia and ya need a place to stay, just holla at me! I'll be seein' ya.

''{Everyone waves Virgil goodbye as he leaves.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' He seems like a nice guy.

'''CHAOS:''' Drives like a fucking maniac, though.

'''LEX:''' He's better than Toby.

'''HEADWIZ:''' Ah, Toby. I'd say "rest in peace," but you just know he ain't up there.

''{Headwiz gets up from her seat.}''

'''LEX:''' Ya leavin' too?

'''HEADWIZ:''' Yep. I got some shit to sort out. I got a text from one of my friends, he's this ex-cop who does some weird ghost hunting shit in Rivergate. He needs my help again.

'''GARFIELD:''' Ghosts?

'''HEADWIZ:''' I don't believe it, myself, but he does this stuff for a living. And hey, I get paid too!

'''CHAOS:''' Wow.

'''HEADWIZ:''' I know, right?

''{Headwiz leaves. Everybody waves goodbye. Tracy gets up next.}''

'''TRACY:''' The cafe's been closed for over a day, and the hipsters get antsy when they have to look for other places to hang out in. So... yeah, heh.

''{Tracy leaves the restaurant. Volkov returns with the bill.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' That'll be $130, please!

'''CHAOS:''' I'll just pay it on my credit card.

''{Chaos pulls out his card and gives it to Volkov, who swipes his machine.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I'm gonna go for apartment hunting. Finally getting my own place!

'''VOLKOV:''' If I had room available, I'd be happy to rent to you.

'''CHAOS:''' I know, I know. I just really want a bed of my own.

'''GARFIELD:''' 'Tis a shame. I was beginning to enjoy your presence.

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, it's all good. We can all still hang out, and stuff.

''{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, who is back in the Gauzy Girl Theatre and is being chewed out by the skeletal man.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Sir, it was a mistake, we can still make that money back, I just have to-

'''????:''' 'Tis pathetic! How could one lose such money to a bunch of frauds? Do you think that the D'Arques got where we were by letting others take advantage of our folk?

'''XAVIER:''' No, sir. It is simply a setback.

'''????:''' Th're is nothing simple about it! You brought me back from mine own slumber to aid you in your pursuit of power, and yet you appear incapable of carrying out tasks.

''{The skeletal man sighs and his bones begin to creak. Droll appears, with a cup of coffee.}''

'''DROLL:''' A refreshment, Sir Debonair.

''{The skeletal man takes the cup and takes a sip. The coffee can be seen moving down his throat and through his body as it spills onto the floor.}''

'''DEBONAIR:''' Thank you, my dearest Droll. Even a goblin can do this better than you.

'''XAVIER:''' I beseech you, sir. Tell me what I must do next.

'''DEBONAIR:''' You need to find the ones responsible, and you need to take revenge. Onwards with ye!

''{Debonair points to the door. Xavier bows and leaves the theatre, where Stephanie is waiting outside.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Did the meeting go as expected?

'''XAVIER:''' It went fine. Do you have any new information on the thieves?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Miss Rosenberg sent me this.

''{Stephanie pulls out her tablet, showing a screenshot of Lex and Chaos stealing from the vault room in their disguises. Xavier snatches the tablet and looks at it.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Huh. The Drow was correct. They do look sort of like the Village People.

''{Xavier cackles. Cut to Noelle at her office. Her phone rings, and she goes to pick it up.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Hello?

''{Some noises come from the phone.}''

'''NOELLE:''' You're here for Mayor Meier about a pizza he ordered?

''{Noelle gets up from her chair, then turns her head towards Mayor Meier's office.}''

'''NOELLE:''' That pizza you ordered is here, sir!

''{Mayor Meier departs from the office.}''

'''MAYOR:''' You're the best, Noelle!

''{Mayor Meier runs offscreen.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Yeah, he'll be down to see you in a bit. Farewell.

''{Noelle hangs up. Her eyelids lower.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Uneventful. Well, I suppose it's better than-

''{The phone rings again. Noelle answers it.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Hello, I am Noelle, and this is the Townindale Mayor's Office. How may I assist you?

''{Split screen, showing Chaos on the other end of the line.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Heyy.

'''NOELLE:''' I know that voice! You're the guy who tripped! Felix, right?

'''CHAOS:''' I am never living that down, am I?

'''NOELLE:''' I could call you the guy who caused a storm at the bank if you'd like.

'''CHAOS:''' ...Good point. Anyway, I'm calling to ask about rentals in this city. I would like to rent an apartment.

''{Noelle chuckles.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Um, there's nothing stopping you from doing that.

'''CHAOS:''' That's good! Do I get to choose an apartment to rent, or do you designate one for me?

'''NOELLE:''' What? You do neither! Don't you know how to rent an apartment? Wait. Are you making a prank call?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, no! Not at all!

''{Chaos laughs awkwardly.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Have you tried looking online for places to rent?

'''CHAOS:''' Nope, I didn't know you had to do that.

''{Noelle moves the phone away and covers the speaker as she begins to laugh. Chaos can still hear from the end of the line, and he begins to turn red.}''

'''NOELLE:''' You have to look online for a place that suits your budget, and once you find somewhere that you like, you contact the landlord and you ask for a tour. I take it this is your first time, then?

'''CHAOS:''' Sort of.

'''NOELLE:''' I'll tell you what. I finish work early on Friday. Come over, I'll show you how to do it. It's easy-peasy!

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Thank you! But you don't have to do it, I mean-...

'''NOELLE:''' It's fine, I promise!

''{Chaos' skintone begins to resemble that of a tomato.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Haha, wow. Thank you! I'll definitely take you up on that offer, heh. I'll let you get back to work now!

'''NOELLE:''' Haha, see ya soon, Felix!

''{Noelle hangs up, ending her scene. Chaos is sitting on the living room couch. Pan over to reveal that Lex has been sitting next to him that whole time. He has a cheeky look on his face.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, is that your girlfriend?

'''CHAOS:''' What? No! I was just- asking for advice, that's all.

'''LEX:''' Sounds to me that ya were jus' lookin' for another excuse to talk to the cute lady from Town Hall.

'''CHAOS:''' Shut up.

''{Lex laughs and slaps Chaos on the back.}''

'''LEX:''' Mon, ya so easy to read. Hey. Wanna go for a milkshake?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh yes I do. Nothing beats a good shake.

''{The two get off the couch and are about to leave, until Chaos stops in his tracks.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Wait. We need our milkshake parlor outfits!

''{Cut to Chaos and Lex walking down the streets of Downtown Townindale while wearing matching letterman jackets. They walk past a wig shop and walk into a 1950s-style diner named "Shake, Rattle, and Roll." The two sit at the bar and are greeted by the bartender, who is a minotaur who is also wearing a letterman jacket.}''

'''BARTENDER:''' Hey peeps! What can I get ya cool-cats today?

'''CHAOS:''' One strawberry shake, ya dig?

'''LEX:''' And I'll have a pineapple, mon!

'''BARTENDER:''' One strawberry, and one pineapple, comin' right up!

''{The bartender walks off to make the shakes. Chaos and Lex begin talking, but their conversation gets drowned out by the sound of the diner as the camera pans over to a lone table in the corner of the diner, where Leigh is sitting by himself and drowning his sorrows. He sees Chaos and Lex sitting at the bar and he raises an eyebrow.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a second..

''{Leigh takes a long sip from the straw on his milkshake as he watches Chaos and Lex. At this point of time, the bartender has delivered them their drinks. Leigh picks up his drink and sits on the stool next to Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' Mon, ya should ask her out.

'''CHAOS:''' I don't even know her that well. It would be creepy.

'''LEX:''' Not any more creepy than findin' excuses to phone her at work.

''{Leigh leans in, as if to join the conversation. Chaos and Lex look at him. Leigh remains silent, staring at the two as he takes another long sip from his drink. The two try and ignore him.}''

'''LEX:''' I ain't an expert with the ladies, but I know when ya gotta do something. Ya got nothin' to lose, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Trueeeee, but...

''{Chaos gesticulates his arms in order to make it clear what he's talking about.}''

'''LEX:''' Bradda, ya just movin' ya arms like a mad man.

'''CHAOS:''' I'm just trying to say that-...

''{Chaos is interrupted by a loud slurping noise. The two turn their heads towards Leigh, who has finished his drink. The bartender arrives. Leigh pushes his drink toward the bartender while keeping his eyes on the two.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Another drink, please.

'''LEX:''' Ey, we don' wan' sound rude, but why are ya evesdroppin' on us?

'''LEIGH:''' Me? Evesdropping? I am just enjoying a tasty milkshake. How about you?

''{Leigh squints at his looks at Lex's upper lip.}''

'''LEX:''' Uhhh...

''{Chaos looks at Leigh, and then suddenly touches Lex's shoulder. He whispers to him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Lex, I think we should go.

'''LEX:''' Why, mon? We only just got here.

'''LEIGH:''' Yes. You ''only'' just got here.

'''CHAOS:''' I just think we should go somewhere else.

'''LEX:''' Uhhh...

''{Lex and Chaos look at Leigh. An awkward silence happens, and then suddenly Leigh's eyes go wide open in a rage. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpbKSBry8RQ Rock a Beatin' Boogie] by Bill Haley and Comets begins to play as the confrontation flares up.}''

'''LEIGH:''' IT IS YOU! YOU TWO... COST ME MY... MY... UGH...

''{Leigh trips over his words in anger. Lex and Chaos stand up and begin to back away. Leigh yells at them.}''

'''LEIGH:''' VILLAGE PEOPLE!!!

''{Leigh suddenly jumps from the stool and lunges at Lex, throwing him down onto the floor. He begins to strangle him.}''

'''LEIGH:''' TWO WEEKS!! TWO WHOLE WEEKS I HAD THAT JOB!!! LONGER THAN ANY OTHER JOB!!! AND YOU STOLE IT FROM ME!!! YOU STOLE IT FROM ME!!!!!!

''{Lex gasps for air. Chaos grabs Leigh and forces him off Lex. In return, Leigh grabs a glass from the bar and attempts to smash it over Chaos' head. It doesn't work, but Chaos is still hurt.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ow, what the fuck!?

''{Chaos punches Leigh in the stomach. The bartender yells at all three of them, phone in hand.}''

'''BARTENDER:''' I'm calling the cops!

'''CHAOS:''' No, no, no. Don't call the cops, don't do that, no!

''{Lex has recovered. He stands up and is about to punch Leigh in return, but Chaos stops him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Forget this, Lex. Let's go.

''{The two begin to run to the diner's exit, but Leigh comes up behind them and tackles them. All three of them turn into a dust cloud of violence which rolls out of the store and into the street. The cloud quickly fades as the three lay on the ground, injured. Leigh begins to cry.}''

'''LEIGH:''' WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY ME? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?

''{Police sirens can be heard in the distance as Lex and Chaos pick themselves up.}''

'''LEX:''' Let's vamoose.

''{The two run away from the scene. Leigh resigns himself as the police cars arrive shortly after. Cut to Garfield, watching television in the living room.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I do love getting work done extra early.

''{Garfield's cellphone rings. He looks at it, then picks it up and accepts the call.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yo, Stephiroth. How's it yangin'?

''{The screen splits between Stephanie at her office and Garfield at the living room.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Hey, so... about that Fundraiser...

'''GARFIELD:''' Was I too gauche with the attire I wore?

'''STEPHANIE:''' No. I saw you were mentally struggling to not see red and go completely berserk on D'Arque after he publicly laughed at me about you. I wanted to treat you to something for, well, keeping it cool in there.

'''GARFIELD:''' I've been down this road before.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I... I know you have.

''{Stephanie sighs.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You know, my friends and I have been thinking of inviting you back to Bluehaven, to hang out with us.

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm still not over the fact my attempts to become a magic-user were effectively sabotaged by your friends and my so-called "peers." Only my Sangromancy professor ever wrote to me after the incident that got me expelled, aside from you.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm sorry you had to go through that. Look, I'll text you the address and I will personally pay for the outing. I know money's gotta be tight after you got all those auction items. I promise you they're all magical if it offers you any personal recompense.

'''GARFIELD:''' It... it does.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Hey, promise you'll be there?

'''GARFIELD:''' As you wish.

''{As Garfield is speaking, he is flicking the channels on the television. He switches to the news channel and sees coverage of Leigh's arrest.}''

'''REPORTER KHOROUSHI:''' At around 3:00 PM today in Townindale, there was a commotion at the "Shake, Rattle, and Roll Diner," where a fight between three patrons broke out and spiraled out of control as it spilled into the streets. One participant was arrested and taken into custody, while the other two fled the scene of the crime.

'''GARFIELD:''' Geez, those ruffians.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Sorry, what?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's on TV. A bunch of rowdy boys got into a fight downtown.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Slow news day, huh? Anyway, I've got to go. I'm supposed to be tracking down the ones who robbed us at the fund- Oh shoot, I didn't mean to say that.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{In feigned surprise}'' You got robbed?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Unfortunately, yes. The whole fundraiser was cleaned out. It was done by some weirdos dressed as the Village People. Who would've thought?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah... heh.

'''REPORTER KHOROUSHI:''' Witnesses reported seeing a young Drow male attack two human men. Upon arrest, the primary attacker was identified as a Mr. "Leigh More," later discovered to actually be a human male, despite initial reports stating he was a Drow.

''{A picture of Leigh appears onscreen. Garfield looks shocked.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy shit.

'''STEPHANIE:''' What's up?

'''GARFIELD:''' The guy on TV who got arrested, he was working at the fundraiser!

'''STEPHANIE:''' Wait, really? I have to see this.

''{Stephanie brings up the news on her laptop.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh darn, it is him. That poor guy. My boss had him fired because he failed to stop the robbery.

'''REPORTER KHOROUSHI:''' Leigh More had been fired from his position at the Rosenberg Association earlier this day. A witness had this to say.

''{The broadcast cuts to an elderly black man who is being interviewed.}''

'''WITNESS:''' It was crazy, I'm tellin' ya! This Drow guy started beating up on those two men, yellin' at the top of his lungs, "YOU TOOK MY JOB, YOU TOOK MY JOB!," and before you know it, they were scrapping like no tomorrow! One of the guys, he had black hair, red eyes, looked like he walked outta Marilyn Manson concert! And the other guy, he was some pasty white guy who talked like my cousin from Jamaica! It was wild!

''{Stephanie brings up the picture of Chaos and Lex knocking out Leigh, and notes the appearance of Chaos.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Hmm...

'''GARFIELD:''' What's up?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I just noted something really peculiar... I think I need to talk with my boss. See you soon, Garfield.

'''GARFIELD:''' See you too, Steph.

''{Both of them hang up. Garfield stands up from the couch. He pauses for a second before a look of worry appears on his face.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh no. Oh no, no no.

''{Chaos and Lex walk into the living room, looking all bruised.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Despite the bruises, and the fact that we've probably been banned from that place, those shakes weren't too bad.

'''LEX:''' I know, right? I haven't had a fight like that for a long time. Ey, Garf!

'''GARFIELD:''' Did... you two say shakes? And fight?

'''CHAOS:''' Yes?

'''GARFIELD:''' FUCK. HOLD ON.

''{Garfield grabs his cell-phone and runs into his bedroom.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Betcha two bucks he's gonna look at porn.

''{Cut to Garfield frantically phoning Stephanie's number. It dials for a couple of seconds before a message plays.}''

'''PHONE:''' I'm sorry, but your call cannot be connected at this time. Try calling again later.

'''GARFIELD:''' Shit, shit, shit.

''{Garfield sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I can at least try and do one good thing, though.

''{Garfield begins to dial another number. Cut to Stephanie, showing Xavier D'Arque the news footage on the laptop, along with a printed copy of the screenshot.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' What do you think?

'''XAVIER:''' I think you may be onto something. A white Jamaican, though? Isn't that a little outlandish?

'''STEPHANIE:''' One of my exes was a white guy from Barbados.

'''XAVIER:''' Ooh, you have exes, huh? You never talk to me about this part of your life!

'''STEPHANIE:''' That's because it's irrelevant at the moment, sir. I think we should look into this. I think we have a possible lead.

''{Cut to Leigh, sitting in police custody. The chief arrives and uncuffs him.}''

'''CHIEF:''' You're free to go. Somebody paid your bond. Try to avoid getting into this kind of trouble in the future. You seem like a bright lad, don't make this your legacy.

''{Leigh drops to his knees.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you, so, so so much!

'''CHIEF:''' Yeah, yeah. Just behave yourself! C'mon!

''{The Chief lifts Leigh up. Cut to Leigh walking back home.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I lost my job and got arrested on the same day. Great going, 'Lay!

''{Leigh sees a nearby rock and kicks it.}''

'''LEIGH:''' That's Leigh for you. Terrible luck! Born with no magical talent whatsoever, can't hold a job, and now I'm a criminal. Great!

''{Leigh kicks the rock again.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What was I even thinking? They stole stuff! They could've been armed! I could've died!

''{Leigh keeps kicking the rock as he walks.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Can't be like my younger brother, can you? Always a disappointment. No law firm, no DDR machine, no lovely apartment, no job, no rent. I might as well find a comfy box and get it over with! At least the weather's nice!

''{The sky turns dark grey and it begins to rain.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh, ''THANKS, GOD!!''

''{Leigh carries on walking. Suddenly, a long black limousine passes by Leigh. The back window rolls down to reveal a half-gold, half-black dragon inside of the vehicle.}''

'''??????:''' I heard about what happened.

'''LEIGH:''' Momma told me not to talk to strangers.

'''??????:''' Apparently, Mr. D'Arque caused you some distress.

'''LEIGH:''' That is an understatement.

''{The dragon looks Leigh up and down.}''

'''??????:''' Peculiar.

'''LEIGH:''' Why are you talking to me of all people, though?

'''??????:''' One of my employees told me about you. Said you needed help.

'''LEIGH:''' What? Is this some sort of prank?

''{The dragon laughs.}''

'''??????:''' I understand you're not in the best of moods, but please. Take this.

''{The dragon gives Leigh a business card. It reads "Xiorno, the Duke of Oil and Time."}''

'''XIORNO:''' It's a free favor. You call this number if you need my assistance. Until then.

''{Leigh is about to talk, but the window is rolled back up and the car drives off, leaving Leigh alone.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What the...

''{End of the Episode}''

Wikihood/eps/9

2018-05-31T12:43:46Z

Remolay:

==Synopsis==
Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The fools.

==Transcript==

''{Open on black as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77R1Wp6Y_5Y Telephone Line by ELO] begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}''

'''MACHINE:''' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

'''LEIGH:''' Hello, How are you? 
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

''{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything 
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

''{Cut back to the other room as Maddie picks up the phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, how you-

'''MADDIE:''' You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

'''LEIGH:''' Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}''

'''LEIGH:''' I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

'''MADDIE:''' I'm listening...

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

'''MADDIE:''' Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

'''MADDIE:''' 'Lay, you know I love you. If you can actually keep the job, let's say to the end of the month. Then we'll talk about it.

'''LEIGH:''' I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

''{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a Tracy, who has shaved, gotten a haircut, and is now wearing a suit and glasses as a disguise, around the place and how security is set up. Tracy looks at certain areas of the room, noting the locations of the security cameras, adjusting them every time he sees one.}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

''{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which let's be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

''{Cut back to Leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}''

'''LEIGH:''' And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old Remo?

'''MADDIE:''' Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

''{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}''

'''CHAOS:''' If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us.

''{Virgil raises his hand.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Question. Garfield, what in cotton hill are ya wearin'?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's my distraction. I'm to create a stir while simultaneously schmoozing D'Arque.

'''HEADWIZ:''' He'll get D'Arque to reveal details of his life in a heart-to-heart conversation, and I will use those details to access the fundraiser's bank account so I can transfer the digital funds to our side.

'''TRACY:''' I thought you were a hacker. Isn't that just being a con artist?

'''HEADWIZ:''' What do you fuckin' expect? It's not like I can type a bunch of shit on a black screen like it's the fuckin' Matrix and "access the mainframe" like that.

'''TRACY:''' I know, but I was expecting something exciting!

'''HEADWIZ:''' Too fuckin' bad, mate!

''{Lex points to the plans.}''

'''LEX:''' Let's do a quick overview, mates. Headwiz will monitor the entire heist through these lovely thingies.

''{Lex pulls out small headphones.}''

'''LEX:''' With these, we get to talk to each other as we pull this stunt off.

''{Headwiz nods. She pulls out a small remote control and presses a button. A black van rolls into the store from the back.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' I'll be monitoring all you fuckers from the safety of my surveillance truck.

''{Headwiz pulls out a small device and hands it to Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Tracy, as "Mr. Alistair Hawthorne," you'll go into the security room and plug this little bad boy into the computer system, allowin' me complete access over the entire building's security cameras.

''{Tracy nods.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' And of course, you stay there and watch the cameras just to make sure shit doesn't fuck up. The system reboots its security at random intervals, so you have a short period of time to make this shit work.

'''CHAOS:''' And me and Lex will grab the money from the safe room while disguised as security guards. I got Lex to procure us some disguises. Lex, show 'em.

'''LEX:''' I had some trouble findin' good ones, but I did the best with what I got.

''{Lex pulls out two security guard Halloween costumes, along with two fake biker moustaches. Chaos facepalms.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck? Nobody is going to believe us like this!

'''LEX:''' Just wait, mon.

''{Lex turns around, with his back to everyone, then turns back, wearing one of the moustaches. Everybody gasps. Lex looks the exact same, but with the moustache.}''

'''LEX:''' But wait. There's more.

''{Lex pulls out a pair of aviators and puts them on.}''

'''LEX:''' How about now? Do I look like Lex now?

'''HEADWIZ:''' You look like someone's sad uncle who works part-time as a Freddie Mercury impersonator.

'''TRACY:''' I was thinkin' Village People, myself.

''{Chaos groans.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ughh. I guess it's the best we've got. If we stay far enough from everyone, we can probably get away with it. Whatever.

''{Chaos too puts on a pair of sunglasses, along with a fake moustache.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are you all ready, my dudes?

'''GARFIELD:''' Distinguished Guests, we turn this Fundraiser into a Hellraiser!

''{Cut to all six of them walking out of the store in their heist outfits, while the chorus of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SbA7dQCH2c Hellraiser by Ozzy Osbourne] plays. Headwiz gets into the van, while Chaos, Lex, Tracy, and Garfield all squeeze into a [https://www.coolestcar.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/classic-4-door-muscle-cars-karc-within-25-coolest-4-door-muscle-car-2017.jpg four-door muscle car], with Virgil in the front seat. Zoom out to reveal the distance between the van and the muscle car, as both head towards the Fundraiser. Then, zoom into the Fundraiser to reveal Stephanie sitting down on a table and looking beleaguered.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{sighs}'' Carrying this entire Fundraiser makes me wish food would just get here.

''{Droll shows up to sit next to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Long day?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yeah. I could use a stiff drink.

'''DROLL:''' I prepared my contacts with the Loa for today, in case anything gets hairy.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks. We might need it, honestly. I don't know what Security everyone else is packing, but I want this to go perfectly, for the good of all of Towningdale and San Crystal-balls.

''{Droll raises a brow.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yes, I am putting the entirety of Republic Island on my shoulders.

'''DROLL:''' Your back is going to break.

'''STEPHANIE:''' I care not for that. It's kind of hard to trust D'Arque's sponsors, so when I want something done right...

'''DROLL:''' ...you gotta do it yourself. I understand fully.

''{Droll takes out another teacup and offers it to Stephanie.}''

'''DROLL:''' Tea?

''{Stephanie nods.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I think I've made tea with scotch in it before...

''{Stephanie takes the teacup and goes to find some scotch to put inside it. Pan over to Xavier D'Arque who is on stage, presenting to a large crowd of important-looking people. Of the faces in the crowd, the Mayor of Townindale is one of them, along with Sarah Khouroushi and Jacqueline and Frank Rosenberg. Dahn is in the corner of the stage, playing funky 60s-style background music.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wow! What an audience! Haha, wow! Thank you all for coming here tonight, you do not know how blessed I am to see you all here. To see all the people who want to make Republic Island a better place, it brings my heart joy, it really does. I see friends, I see family, I see people from all around, and I appreciate them all.

''{Xavier points to his wife, who is sitting at one of the front tables.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And of course, my beautiful wife, Theresa, which none of this would be possible without her! She has been my rock this whole time. I love you, Theresa!

''{The crowd all lets out an "aww" and claps for her.}''

'''XAVIER:''' And yes, this is indeed a fundraiser. However, this is definitely not going to be one of those dull ones, not like the one my opponent, Republican Bill Petrobucks hosted. Who, I also remind you, wants to build a pipeline through our most beautiful and scenic areas, just saying!

''{The screen splits to show the gang at the front of the Rosenberg Building. Garfield walks in through the front doors in his pimp suit, after showing the guards his ticket. Tracy, in his "Alistair Hawthorne" disguise, follows next with his ticket.}''

'''XAVIER:''' For this fundraiser, we chose to do something exotic, as we shall be serving authentic Drow food, prepared by none other than world-renowned chef, Jason Ralston!

''{The crowd cheers. Lex and Chaos, dressed in their security outfits, sneak through the building's garage. Cut to Headwiz in her truck, who is prepping a series of computer monitors and radio equipment.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Man, let me tell you about Drow food. I first had the pleasure of trying it when I was serving one of my terms in South Syllahona. It was a humanitarian mission, and I part of a task force to protect a village of Drow who were under threat from an army of Higher Elves from the North. While living among the Drow, I got to experience their cuisine over the period of six months, and believe me, none of you have lived until you've tasted roast garlic bat and fried yajanana roots.

''{Garfield and Tracy both walk into the event room, while keeping separate from each other.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Mr. Ralston makes great Drow food, that's all I'm saying. And also, we shall be hosting a small auction to raise funds. We're going to have some really cool items, from paintings to sculptures. But of course, all you movie buffs here will be excited to know that tonight we are auctioning off the iconic Battleaxe from the "Battleaxe" action movie trilogy! The same one that Grughor Spinesplitter wielded in all three films while playing Ace Battleaxe. Even better is the fact that you can also meet Ace himself, as he is currently in the audience!

''{Xavier points to an older Orcish gentleman in a suit who is sitting in one of the middle tables with his beautiful human wife and his three beautiful half-orc daughters. The crowd cheers and Grughor Spinesplitter blushes as he waves.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Thank you for your support, Grughor!

''{Garfield speaks into the microphone hidden in his clothing. He sounds excited.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy shit, they're auctioning off Ace Battleaxe's Battleaxe!!! And he's actually here!

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' ''Really,'' Garfield? What's so exciting about that?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Shut the fuck up Chaos, the Battleaxe trilogy is a fucking classic! Especially the third one, "Battleaxe vs. the Martians of the Third Reich!"

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I know. Keep to the mission at hand.

''{Pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I am going to ''win'' that battleaxe.

'''XAVIER:''' I've talked enough for now! I will wrap up my introduction speech by thanking Mr. Danny Moreau, our DJ for this evening. His music can make you move like no other!

''{The crowd cheers as Xavier bows and steps off the stage. The screen split finishes as Garfield and Xavier are in the same shot.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' The prick is right there. I'm of the mind to smack him one right now.

'''LEX:''' ''{Mic}'' Resist, mon! Ya don't wanna blow this thing before it's even begun!

'''GARFIELD:''' I know, I'm not going to do it. But I want to. I'll just linger around at first... maybe try some of that Drow food.

''{Garfield goes over to a food table and gathers some of the Drow cuisine, which includes an assortment of vegetables, meats, and fruits. He finds a table near a bar, using the time to see how close he is to either Stephanie or Grughor's family.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've got some time, I may go ahead and make myself an Ichiruki.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' A what?

'''GARFIELD:''' An Ichiruki. I mix some strong vodkas and rums with orange juice and iced tea.

'''VIRGIL:''' ''{Mic}'' Cuz, you're weird. Anyone tell you that?

'''CHAOS:''' ''{Mic}'' I do, all the time.

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' I'd probably give it a much fucking cooler name, but you do you, Garfunkel.

''{Garfield begins mixing the vodkas, rums, orange juice, and iced tea, much to the bartender's confusion. He then drinks his concoction. Time fast-forwards a bit, to reveal that Garfield finished his food and has several empty glasses.}''

'''DAHN:''' The first auction of the D'Arque Senatorial Campaign is about to start in five minutes!

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10jMDAUP-YE Greedy by Ariana Grande] plays, as Garfield gets up to go into the auction. While the song goes on, a montage of Garfield attempting to outbid everyone on every item being auctioned in the Fundraiser happens. Shots of Garfield dancing throughout the auction's sequences of bids are shown throughout. The montage ends with Garfield sitting with himself at the bar, drinking another glass. Leigh comes and sits at the seat next to him. Leigh motions to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' One hard lemonade, please!

''{The bartender grunts and nods before turning back to the bar to prepare the lemonade. Leigh is about to turn to talk to Garfield, but is momentarily distracted by the swivel stool. He is mesmerized as he grabs onto the bar to swivel the stool around before releasing his grip, causing the stool to spin.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wheeeeeeee!

''{Garfield looks at Leigh, who notices him. Suddenly, Leigh's moment of joy becomes embarassment as he struggles to find the words to explain himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I-um- I- oh. I have no explanation.

''{Garfield remains stoic.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Looks fun, actually. I wanna try.

''{Cut to the two spinning around in their stools as everyone else at the bar sits away from them while trying to ignore them. The two stop as they are dazed. Leigh laughs as he picks up his drink.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh man. It's always the simple things.

''{Leigh looks at Garfield.}''

'''LEIGH:''' How are you enjoying the fundraiser? Pretty good, isn't it?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's adequete.

'''LEIGH:''' I helped organize it!

''{Leigh pulls out his employee keycard and shows it to Garfield while grinning.}''

'''LEIGH:''' See? I work here! I did this!

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Congrats! I suppose the Drow food was your idea too, huh?

'''LEIGH:''' Surprisingly, no. It was D'Arque's. Not too surprising, as I'm not a Drow, but a human; but I sure love their cuisine!

''{Garfield looks up and down at Leigh and squints as if he has doubts about his ethnicity. He then decides that he's too intoxicated to know and drops it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It is quite extraordinary, yes.

''{Garfield looks at the keycard that is now loosely hanging from Leigh's pocket. Suddenly he is hit with inspiration. He looks around the room and then back at Leigh. He points to a random direction.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Holy fuck, is that Betty White?

''{Leigh quickly turns his head around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' What? Where?!

''{Garfield quickly grabs the keycard and stuffs it into his own pocket before running from his stool, leaving Leigh alone. Leigh turns back to find that Garfield is gone.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Huh. I guess he must be in a hurry.

''{Leigh turns to the bartender.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Another hard lemonade, please!

''{Cut to Tracy, in his Hawthorne disguise. He is being escorted into the security room by one of the guards.}''

'''TRACY:''' I 'ope I'm not bein' too much of an inconvenience. You just need to understand that a man of my caliber needs to keep my eyes open. An event like this... there could be trouble.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I understand entirely, sir. But don't you worry, we have our guys all around here. Security couldn't be any tighter.

''{The screen splits to show Chaos and Lex in their security guard disguises in the utility elevator with two large duffel bags each. The elevator reaches the event room floor, and the two leave through the doors. In the security room, Tracy is making small talk with the guard, who isn't paying any attention to the monitors. Tracy leans on the machine, covertly plugging the device into one of its slots.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' I plan on being one of those rich folks one day. I'm gonna win the lottery, and when I do, I'm totally retiring at the Bahamas. Gotta get me a nice beachfront home, a elven honey, gonna raise a large family, and spend my days in a hammock while getting tipsy on some dwarven cocktails.

'''TRACY:''' Ah, yes. I own three houses in the Bahamas. It is quite a grand little place, yes.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Anythin' would be an improvement from my tiny apartment. You know how high rent is in this city? How about $1200 for a one-bedroom with roaches. It ain't fair, I'm tellin' ya.

'''TRACY:''' I would not know, for I am very rich. I live in a mansion.

''{The scene shifts to only that of Chaos and Lex, who get a message from Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{Mic}'' Can one of you get over here quickly? I have a keycard.

''{Lex nods at Chaos and quickly runs to the event room. Cut to Headwiz, who is looking bored out of her mind until the security cam footage appears on the monitors in the van. When she sees it, she excitedly messages Chaos, Lex, and Tracy.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Alright, you fuckers, I'm in. Make Mamma Murphy proud!

''{Split screen on Chaos, who is walking down a backroom corridor and trying not to be spotted by any other security guards, and Lex, who covertly sneaks into the event room, where he is greeted by Garfield, who quickly slips him the card. Lex gives Garfield a thumbs-up and rushes back to Chaos.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Can you see which room the treasure's in?

''{Headwiz looks at one of the monitors which shows a large vault room full of money and other riches, such as jewellery and gold bricks. She looks at the map.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' The money should be in Room O-11.

''{Chaos looks at the hallway doors, which are labeled O-3, O-4, O-5, and so on, until he notices O-11 at the very end of the hallway. Headwiz types some commands into her keyboard, placing a loop on the footage in the hallway and vault room. Cut back to Garfield, who is trying to make his way back to the bar before he runs into Xavier D'Arque and Stephanie. Stephanie looks shocked and Xavier smiles and forcibly shakes Garfield's hand. Garfield recoils somewhat.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Whoa, wha-

'''XAVIER:''' I was looking for you! You're the guy who won all of those auctions! Either you have a good taste in movies, or you just really love me. Come here!

''{Xavier aggressively puts his arm around Garfield's shoulder and tosses a small camera to Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Picture, now.

''{Stephanie nods. She remains silent as she takes a few pictures of the two together. Both Stephanie and Garfield look distraught. Xavier maintains his grip around his shoulder as he escorts him to his own table and invites him to sit down.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Gotta say, I ''love'' your outfit! Very unconventional. What designer?

''{Garfield ponders for a quick second.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hakamichi Kurloz.

'''XAVIER:''' Unconventional indeed.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...say, you don't happen to-

''{Cut to Headwiz in the van, listening in on the conversation Garfield and Xavier are having and having her screen show it. She gets out her cellphone, and begins texting Chaos, Lex, Virgil, and Tracy the information. Time fast-forwards to the end of the conversation.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Your curiosity ''is'' as insatiable as I've been told.

''{Xavier winks at Stephanie, who rolls her eyes impatiently. Garfield looks around.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my Tieg... how many Ichiruki glasses did I make...?

''{Garfield attempts to get up. He rifles through his suit, and throws a bouquet of red roses at Stephanie. She catches the roses, and looks at them confusedly.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I got these for you, Stephiroth.

''{Xavier bursts out laughing. Stephanie's eyes smile, but her face remains blank as she hears Xavier's laughter.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Thanks.

''{Garfield turns around, as he "drunkenly" wobbles toward the food tables again. The camera remains on Xavier's laughter and Stephanie's confused look.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Wait. Do you two ''know'' each other?

''{Garfield wobbles back, while sweating bullets.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well-...

'''XAVIER:''' Nah, it's unmistakable; the way you two look at each other.

''{Xavier smiles and looks at Stephanie.}''

'''XAVIER:''' I guess you do have a life after all.

''{Xavier laughs semi-condescendingly as Garfield's fist shakes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It's been a pleasure, but I really ''need to go.''

''{Stephanie raises a brow, then looks down at Garfield's body shaking. A lightbulb appears over her head.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Better idea: Let's go and get you introduced to Grughor!

''{Stephanie escorts Garfield to Grughor's table. Cut to Lex and Chaos, who are in the vault room and have begun scooping up all the money and riches and putting them into the bags.}''

'''LEX:''' Gotta say, I'm impressed at 'ow smooth this is goin'!

'''CHAOS:''' Don't count your chickens yet, Lex. We ain't in the clear until we're outta here. Headwiz, are we still doing good?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' You have a bogey coming in your direction. It looks like a Drow. Ya gotta get rid of him somehow.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, shit. We'll move him on.

''{Chaos and Lex emerge from the vault room, and are greeted by Leigh, who is holding his crotch and awkwardly tiptoeing.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me, do you know where the public washroom is? I lost my keycard, and I am really regretting all of those hard lemon-...

''{Leigh notices that the security guard uniforms are clearly fake.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a second.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

'''LEIGH:''' You two aren't real security guards!

'''LEX:''' Shit.

''{Leigh notices the fake moustaches on the two of them.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You look like the Village People!

'''CHAOS:''' Uh-... yeah! We're part of the entertainment. We're a duo of Village People impersonators!

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I'll be damned. But why were you in the vault room?

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' Guys, you need to get rid of him. Do SOMETHING.

'''CHAOS:''' Uh. We.. um... wanted a space for rehearsal.

''{Chaos awkwardly starts singing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Macho, Macho, Mannnnn. I wanna be, a Macho Man!

''{Chaos does a little dance, but Leigh still looks suspicious. Suddenly, Lex punches Leigh in the face, knocking him out instantly. Cut to Headwiz, watching the chaos unfold from her van.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What the fuck, man! I had that under control!

'''LEX:''' HE WAS GON' RAT ON US, MON. HEADWIZ SAID WE NEEDED T'GET RID OF HIM!

'''CHAOS:''' I was gonna cast a fucking charm spell on him, you dunce!

'''LEX:''' Bitch, ya dropped outta magic school, how the hell are ya gonna cast a charm?

'''CHAOS:''' It's a first grade spell, you asshole! I could have done it!

'''HEADWIZ:''' ''{Mic}'' SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CARRY ON DOING IT BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE COMES.

'''LEX AND CHAOS:''' Okay, okay!

''{Lex drags Leigh's body into the vault room, and they carry on loading the bags. Cut to Tracy, who is still smoothtalking the security guard. The monitors show Headwiz's looped footage, but they begin to flicker, showing short bits of the real scene. Tracy begins to panic and attempts to distract the guard.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you know what the real secret to being rich is? It's... um... breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Really? I tend ta skip breakfast. Not enough time in the beginnin' of the day, y'know?

''{The screen begins to flicker some more. Tracy quickly shoots Headwiz a text on his phone, reading "device is failing tell them to HURRY." Cut to Headwiz, who sees her phone and panickedly presses different keys.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Fuck fuck fuck, LEX! CHAOS! You almost done?!

''{Cut to Chaos and Lex in the room which has now been completely emptied, except for Leigh's unconscious body and six large gym bags which are stuffed full. The two pick up three bags each and sling them on their bodies, struggling from the weight. Chaos talks into his mic.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We're done. Let's get outta here.

''{The two being to shuffle outside of the vault room, but Lex looks back at Leigh.}''

'''LEX:''' 'Ey. We need to do something about 'im. Don't wanna pin this thing on him.

'''CHAOS:''' That's true. Stuff him in the toilets. They'll think he got drunk and passed out.

''{Lex nods.}''

'''LEX:''' Right, mon!

''{Cut to Garfield, who is carousing with Grughor and genuinely enjoying himself.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I'm surprised you know about that film! It was only released in Europe, as far as I can tell!

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm a big fan! Of course, I would know about "Kobra Kommandos!"

'''GRUGHOR:''' Despite the bad press it got, I really enjoyed being in that film. Behind the scenes was an absolute thrill. Vin Diesel taught me about this thing called LARP'ing, you' ever heard of that?

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh yes! My larpsona is "Noxigar." I do it sometimes with my friends, Lex and Volkov.

''{Grughor laughs, before giving Garfield his business card.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' If you're ever in Hollywood, you should contact me. I'm always up for a LARP-fest.

'''GARFIELD:''' I would love that, thank you so much.

''{Garfield gets the message from Chaos.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It was lovely talking to you, but I really need to go now. I... um... left the oven on?

''{Grughor stands up.}''

'''GRUGHOR:''' I've yet to give ya the battleaxe and my autograph! Hold on.

''{Cut to Tracy, who gets the message as soon as Headwiz's device shuts down, revealing the real security camera footage. He gets the message from Chaos too.}''

'''TRACY:''' You know what. I think I feel secure enough about my treasure that I should really be going!

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' Huh? But I haven't even gave ya the recipe for my gramma's tamales!

''{Tracy suddenly disappears in a cloud of smoke, confusing the security guard who turns around to look at the monitor and freaks out.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' HOLY SHIT!

''{The guard grabs his mic and talks into it.}''

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM, I REPEAT; THERE HAS BEEN A ROBBERY IN THE VAULT ROOM!

''{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, who is in Jacqueline Rosenberg's office.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' What, exactly, do you plan on doing once you are elected? You better not raise my taxes.

'''XAVIER:''' My dear, I would do no such thing! I understand the importance of business more than anyone. You and I will gain a lot from this deal, I assure you.

''{Xavier and Jacqueline both get the message from the security guard. They immediately stand up. Jacqueline yells into the mic.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' WHAT?! What the hell is wrong with you? How did you let this happen?

'''SECURITY GUARD:''' ''{Mic}'' I don't know, Boss! It was there one second, and gone the other! I don't know-

''{Jacqueline switches her communication device off. Xavier looks furious.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Some fucking punks think they can get away with ''my'' money, huh? Not on my fucking watch!

''{The two bolt out of the office. Cut to Chaos and Lex, who have reached the elevator while breathing heavily from the weight. As the doors begin to close, they can see a group of security guards who are looking around. One spots the two as the doors finally close, and they begin to run down the stairs. Cut to Tracy, who is now in the main event room, and is shifting through the crowd of unaware people as he makes his way out. In the background, Garfield can be seen onstage with Grughor, getting his picture taken and being presented with the battleaxe, along with his other items. Cut back to Chaos and Lex, who are now in the parking lot and running towards Virgil's car. The group of security guards catch up to them as Virgil opens the car door.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Guys, get in and let's go!

''{The security guards begin to open fire as Chaos climbs into the car on one side, and Lex jumps through the open window on the other side.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Hold on to ya britches folks, and try not to piss in 'em!

''{Virgil slams the brakes. Cut to Headwiz's van, which is parked in an alleyway within distance of the Rosenberg building. Tracy climbs in through the back. It is revealed that Headwiz is catching the security guards confront Chaos and Lex on the monitors.}''

'''TRACY:''' Hey, where's Garf?

'''HEADWIZ:''' I dunno, he should be here already! I gave him the notice!

''{She looks at another monitor and sees Garfield on-stage.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Oh, Jesus Christ!

''{Headwiz yells into the mic.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' GARFIELD, GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE, WE NEED TO GO, NOW!

''{Cut to Virgil, who is speeding the car out of the parking lot as [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoMYOzX71Mw banjo music] begins to play. Cut back to Headwiz's van. Garfield climbs in from the back, carrying a multitude of items.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Sorry I'm late, guys. I got caught up in-

'''HEADWIZ:''' Shut the fuck up, and let's go!!!

''{Cut to the perspective of Headwiz's truck as Virgil's car speeds by it, followed by three security vans. Headwiz pulls the van out and begins driving. Cut back to the perspective of Virgil's car, with Chaos and Lex in the backseat while being crushed by the bags of money and riches. The car speeds through the streets of Townindale while being pursued by the three security vans. Chaos looks at the rearview mirror and sees them getting closer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Shit, man! Can this thing go any faster?

'''VIRGIL:''' Y'all tell me.

''{Virgil shifts the gear stick and presses even harder on the pedal. Virgil erratically steers the car through the streets as he is being pursued, paying no regard to signs or other cars. Chaos and Lex are shifting in the backseats which holding the money. As the car moves out of Townindale, Virgil turns the car towards "Nottigan Drive." Lex's eyes widen as Virgil disregards several warning signs.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Virgil... you know where ya goin', right?

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't ya worry 'some. I know what I'm doin'.

''{As the car goes down Nottigan Drive, it becomes clear that the street is still under maintenance. Lex looks even more concerned.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya sure ya know where yer' goin'?

'''VIRGIL:''' I know where we're goin'.

''{Chaos looks at the rearview mirror again. The vans are catching up again.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You better do something; they're gaining on us!

''{The car is out of Townindale entirely as it is now driving in rural outskirts of the city. As it goes further, a sign can be seen in the near distance, labeled "Caution: Open Ravine." This time, Chaos pays attention along with Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Wait, no. No NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO! WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE, NO, YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!

''{Chaos tries to climb forward to take the wheel from Virgil, but is too heavily weighed down by the bags of money. The car speeds into the sign, breaking it entirely, as it speeds onto a long ramp that's on a ravine. The car drives off the ramp and into the air as Chaos and Lex start screaming.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

'''{Slow motion sequence of the bags of money floating inside of the car as it is suspended in the open. Pan over to show the security vans frantically braking as they refuse to also jump the ramp. Suddenly, the car lands on the other side of the ravine, on another road. Chaos is about to throw up. Virgil looks behind and looks at him with a serious look on his face.}''

'''VIRGIL:''' Don't you dare.

''{Chaos swallows the vomit inside his mouth. Both him and Lex look distressed as the banjo music stops. Cut to the Mattress Warehouse. Both Virgil's car and Headwiz's truck have reached it around the same time. All of them jump out of the vehicles as Chaos and Lex take out the bags of money and toss them on the floor. Headwiz, Tracy, and Garfield cheer.}''

'''HEADWIZ:''' Whoo! You fuckin' go, guys!

'''TRACY:''' That. Was. Awesome!

'''GARFIELD:''' I have to say, I am impressed.

''{Lex and Chaos don't answer. They collapse on the floor from being inside of Virgil's car. Chaos raises his finger while on the floor.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Guys... we did it. We got the goods.

''{Cut back to the interior of the Rosenberg building. The fundraiser is over, and Xavier D'Arque and Jacqueline Rosenberg enter the men's bathroom, to see Leigh, who is flopped over in an toilet stall. As he wakes up, he sees the two faces staring at him with anger. He blinks a few times.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey guys... what's up?

''{End of the Episode.}''

Main Page

2018-05-19T21:25:33Z

Remolay: Reverted edits by Brerose (talk) to last revision by Remolay

<center>{{Template:JarJar}}</center>
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|- style="height: 100px; vertical-align: middle;"
| colspan=2 style="border: 1px solid #000000; padding: .5em 1em 1em; background-color: #EEEEEE; text-align: center;" |
<big>{{Main Page/Intro Message}}</big>
{{Main Page/News and Info}}
|- style="vertical-align: top;"
|width="50%" style="border: 1px solid red; padding: .5em 1em 1em; background-color: #FFD5D5;" |
{{Main Page/Fanstuff}}
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{{Main Page/Wiki Stuff}}
|}
''I'm just removing my name from this''
</div>
__NOTOC__ __NOEDITSECTION__

Wikihood/eps/9

2018-05-18T07:49:52Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/eps/9

2018-05-18T07:49:14Z

Remolay: Created page with "==Synopsis== Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The fools. ==Transcript== ''{Open on black as {{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77R1Wp6Y_5Y Te..."

==Synopsis==
Someone decided it was a good idea to let Remolay start this one. The fools.

==Transcript==

''{Open on black as {{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77R1Wp6Y_5Y Telephone Line by ELO}} begins to play, cut to an answering machine somewhere}''

''MACHINE:'' You've reached Maddie Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

'''LEIGH:''' Hello, How are you? 
Have you been alright through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely nights

''{Cut to Leigh singing into his phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' That's what I'd say, I'd tell you everything 
If you'd pick up that telephone... Yeah yeah yeah...

''{Cut back to the other room as maddie picks up the phone}''

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, how you-

'''MADDIE:''' You're lucky I have a landline, Rem. What do you want?

'''LEIGH:''' Oh I... Hi Mads, I almost didn't expect you to pick up...

''{Cut back to leigh, who is clearly now much more nervous about the situation}''

'''LEIGH:''' I uh... You see.. I wanted to tell you how things have gone since you left.

'''MADDIE:''' I'm listening...

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I managed to get a new job and make some friends. And they actually LIKE me there. And I've held the job for two weeks!

'''MADDIE:''' Hey, good for you! maybe your bad luck streak is finally ending.

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, wouldn't that be the best. Hey, if things keep going well do you think maybe we could...?

'''MADDIE:''' 'Lay, you know I love you. If you can actually keep the job, let's say to the end of the month. Then we'll talk about it.

'''LEIGH:''' I don't think we need to worry about it. There's a big event going on tonight though, a political fundraiser for Xavier D'Arque. I've been helping organize it.

''{A cut to the event room from the previous evening where Leigh is showing a disguised Tracey around the place and how security is set up}''

'''LEIGH:''' ''{VO}'' Everything's perfect. Catered by a Drow company, not my choice but exciting. I tried to get my friend on security, but that was handled already.

''{Cut to The Gang, Now including Virgil preparing for the heist, looking over the blueprints and going over the plan. For some reason Garfield is dressed in a pimp suit}''

'''LEIGH:''' Unless a huge robbery ends up happening, which lets be honest what are the chances of that, it should go off without a hitch...

''{Cut back to leigh, who's nervous expression has gone, now smiling}''

'''LEIGH:''' And who knows? Maybe a promotion for old Remolay?

'''MADDIE:''' Well I wish you luck. I've got to go to work, and I'm sure you've got a busy and eventful day ahead of you...

''{Cut back to the gang, finalizing the plan for the evening}'''

'''CHAOS:''' If we stick to this plan, everything should go off without a hitch. Lady and Gentlemen, we've got a busy and eventful evening ahead of us...

Main Page

2018-05-18T00:57:11Z

Remolay:

Template:Main Page/Intro Message

2018-05-18T00:56:27Z

Remolay:

<div align=center style="margin-bottom: 10px;">''Homer's Web Page'''</div>

<div align=center>The World's Greatest web site</div>

Wikihood/characters/Ned

2018-05-15T05:17:02Z

Remolay: Created page with "==Basic Info== Leigh's younger and infinitely more succesful brother. A lawyer with an obsession with DDR and a compulsion to help his brother out even after all this time. He..."

==Basic Info==
Leigh's younger and infinitely more succesful brother. A lawyer with an obsession with DDR and a compulsion to help his brother out even after all this time. He spends a large amount of time playing Dance Dance Revolution and not a lot of time in court.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: "Ned More"
*Gender: Male
*Age: Younger than Leigh
*Birth Date: August 7th
*Birth Place: The Deep
*Species: Elf
*Ethnicity / Race: Low Elf (Drow)
*Height: 5'9''
*Build: Buff
*Eyes: Red
*Skin Color: Very dark grey, near jet black.
*Hair Color: Dark Brown (Dyed)

== Theme Song ==
{{YouTube|JHwDt2py3NQ}}

'''Vicky Vale''' - Dancing

Wikihood/Soundtrack

2018-05-14T20:33:31Z

Remolay:

Songs used in the series.

== Season One ==
* '''Alan Parsons Project''' - I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You
* '''Electric Light Orchestra''' - Mr. Blue Sky
* '''Freddie Mercury''' - Living On My Own (1993 Remix)
* '''Beck''' - Loser
* '''Andrew Gold''' - Thank You For Being A Friend
* '''Britney Spears''' - ...Baby One More Time
* '''Michael Jackson''' - Human Nature
* '''Nicki Minaj''' - Chun Li
* '''Duran Duran''' - The Reflex
* '''Black Sabbath''' - Paranoid
* '''They Might Be Giants''' - Minimum Wage
* '''REM''' - Shiny Happy People

Wikihood/eps/7

2018-05-14T19:27:03Z

Remolay:

== Summary ==
Instead of returning to crime, Chaos gets the bright idea of getting a job. He hates it.

== Transcript ==
''{Open to Chaos watching television on the living room couch at noon during a weekday, with his feet resting on the bag of ski essentials that he bought in Episode 4. Lex and Garfield are at work. Chaos is alone, and he is bored and irritable. He sighs. He flicks through the television channels, commenting on each one. Each channel shows archetypically mundane daytime television, from house redecoration and cooking shows to golf.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

''{Chaos carries on flicking through the channels. He lands on an international news channel. A dwarven gentleman with a posh English accent and a well-tailored suit is presenting in front of giant globe. The globe looks similar to the one we have in real life, but close inspection shows the presence of several more islands and an extra continent in the South Pacific Ocean.}''

'''THROVIN IRONBROW:''' My name is Throvin Ironbrow and you are watching CBB News International. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has considered the possibility of nuclear disarmament after re-establishing diplomatic relations with the human domain. In a joint statement with President Nithea Valodue of South Syllahona, the illusive Supreme Leader, Eltaor Joven-Yun has agreed to engage in talks with the United Nations.

'''CHAOS:''' ''Oh joy. Politics.''

'''THROVIN IRONBROW:''' Despite a long history of hostility towards the human domain, North Syllahona has famously maintained diplomatic relations with the Republic of Pulau Syurga, which is located in South East-Asia, even enjoying diplomatic visits from its leader, General Agostino Torratz. Some speculate that Torratz could play a part in peace talks between the human domain and the Elven Republic, while others fear that his long history of human rights abuses may complicate the issue further, as-

''{Chaos turns the television off. He lifts his arms to stretch and he yawns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Bored. Ugh, is there ANYTHING to do?

''{A vision of Garfield appears in Chaos' mind.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You could always get a job. You've been here for long enough, now it's time to pull your own weight.

''{A vision of Lex also appears.}''

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon. Quit bein' such a freeloader and get your ass off the couch! Get a job, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' Shut up! You two aren't even real! You're the manifestations of my guilt!

''{The visions disappear. A new vision appears of an elderly man in exquisite battle robes, long dark-grey hair, and a black beard. Despite his advanced age, the man is significantly physically fit, with a presence that is particularly intimidating and legendary. The man roars at Chaos.}''

'''????:''' FELIX!!!

'''CHAOS:''' Don't ''you'' even bother. I am not doing this today, not ever.

''{That vision also vanishes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Ugh. Maybe it is time to get a job.

''{Chaos looks at the bag of ski essentials.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Or at least something temporary... until I can really make some good money. Yeah!

''{Zoom in on Chaos' face.}''

'''CHAOS:''' It's time to go JOB HUNTING.

''{Zoom out to reveal more of the apartment complex that Chaos is exiting from. In the pierogi shoppe below, Leigh and Gordon come into the scene.}''

'''GORDON:''' I swear, Leigh. There's this lad who makes some of the finest pierogis I've ever 'ad!

''{Leigh looks around.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Gonna keep it real with you chief, I am not really in the "pierogi" mood.

''{Volkov enters with a fresh tray of pierogis.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' DID SOMEONE SAY NOT IN THE PIEROGI MOOD?!

''{Volkov throws a pierogi into Leigh's mouth.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Your day not begin until you've had my pierogies!

''{Leigh begins nervously chewing on the pierogi. He proceeds to chew a little more confidently once he realizes it tastes good. He swallows, not long after.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wow, these pierogis are good!

'''GORDON:''' I told you, lad! I told you these pierogies are amazin'!

''{Leigh proceeds to have more pierogis. Gordon follows suit, not long after. Cut to Garfield at Surreal Cereals sees Tracy. Tracy greets him in the fake Cockney accent.}''

'''TRACY:''' 'Ello mate, welcome t'Surreal Cereals! What would ya li-

''{Tracy switches to a natural Californian accent.}''

'''TRACY:''' Oh, hey, Garfield!

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' I'm here to deliver a resume to your head honcho.

''{Tracy looks around.}''

'''TRACY:''' I thought things at NoxCorp were swimmingly well?

''{Garfield shakes his head.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' Not for me. For Chaos.

''{Garfield gives a sheet of paper to Tracy.}''

'''TRACY:''' I, uh, will give his number a call.

''{Garfield smiles, giving Tracy a thumbs-up.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' Thanks. I hear he's a Wizard so I figured he might want some help fitting into Towningdale. Know any other fine establishments with Wizards in them?

'''TRACY:''' Why are you whispering?

''{Garfield points at a crowd of hipsters that are eyeing him as he's talking to Tracy.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' I'm being watched.

'''TRACY:''' Mate, they're harmless.

''{Garfield closes his eyes.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' That's what you said last time.

'''TRACY:''' I appreciate you giving me a new contact.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' Do you still have the Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Deluxe cereal? I'd like it with a Pepsi, if at all possibru.

''{Tracy goes over the stock of cereals.}''

'''TRACY:''' We have it.

''{Garfield slips Tracy a $20.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' How big are your mason jars and how big are your Pepsi cups?

''{Garfield slips Tracy a second $20.}''

'''TRACY:''' You sound like you're coming in here with criminal intent.

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' No. I have yet to shave my entire body, put on a white dress, dye my hair blonde, and find the right pair of thigh-highs and Timbs from Nooyawk to go with-

''{Tracy's face whitens.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{whispering}'' What?

'''TRACY:''' Let's discuss this in a booth, shall we? I'll be there in a sec, I just need to make myself a cuppa.

''{Garfield heads toward a booth. Tracy quickly makes himself a cup of drip coffee and brings it over to the booth along with Garfield's items. He sits down.}''

'''TRACY:''' So... this "Chaos" fellow. Another wizard, eh? How did you hear of him?

'''GARFIELD:''' He's my housemate. And yeah, he conjured up a storm at the bank a couple of days ago!

''{Tracy scoffs.}''

'''TRACY:''' That's hardly befitting for a wizard. I'm pretty sure storms are meant to be created ''outside.''

''{Tracy tries to take a sip from his cup, but recoils as it's too hot for him.}''

'''TRACY:''' Ow, damn it.

''{Tracy levitates his spoon and silently casts a spell on it to automatically stir the coffee in the cup. Garfield chuckles.}''

'''TRACY:''' What's his actual name, anyway? Presuming it's not actually Chaos, because that would be kinda fuckin' cringe.

'''GARFIELD:''' Coming from the guy who used to call himself "Darkheart."

'''TRACY:''' ''Touche.''

'''GARFIELD:''' But no, his real name is Felix. Felix... Abraxas Zabat, if I recall?

''{Tracy raises an eyebrow.}''

'''TRACY:''' Abraxas, you say? He's not related to The Great Malifact, is he?

'''GARFIELD:''' I have absolutely no idea who that is.

'''TRACY:''' Oh man, he is a huge deal among magic users. His trading card is incredibly hard to obtain, like, it goes for big money on eBay auctions.

'''GARFIELD:''' That tells me nothing!

'''TRACY:''' Sorry, sorry. But yeah, I know some people. Ordinary people, I mean. For an ordinary job. Not wizardy people for a wizardy job. You can tell him that he's always welcome to attend our monthly meetings, though. I'll give you our pamplet so you can give it to him.

''{Tracy pulls a pamphlet out of his pocket and hands it to Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks, Tracy. And this Great Malifact guy?

'''TRACY:''' Just Google him. He's practically a celebrity! It ''would'' be cool if your friend was related to him, though!

''{Tracy stands up.}''

'''TRACY:''' Anyhoo, it's time to get back to work. I'll make a phone call right now. I know of a place that's hiring! It's... not very good, though.

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm sure it will be fine.

''{Cut to Chaos pacing around the living room while reading from the "jobs" section of the newspaper.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Unqualified... unqualified... unqualified- Oh hey, I'm qualified for that one- Oh goddamn it, it's in Rivergate, that's miles away! Shame, really. I would have loved to work in a clock museum. Ugh.

''{Chaos slumps down on the couch and sighs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' It's gonna take a long time to get a job in this economy.

''{Suddenly, Chaos' phone rings. He answers it.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Hello?

''{Phone mumblings. Chaos' eyes widen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Wait? Really? Without an interview? Seriously? Like that? Right now? Wow. Thank you! I'll be right there!

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zNoxjUUyec Minimum Wage by They Might Be Giants] plays as the scene cuts to the exterior of a large supermarket named "HappyMart Supercentre." The logo of the building is on the facade of the building. One notable trait is the smiley face, done to create a sense of artificial happiness. Cut to the store office. the music is now more muffled, coming from th store intercom. Chaos is in a uniform with a yellow happy face on it, standing in a formation with the other new employees, all which have been reduced to complete uniformity. The store manager, a blonde white woman with a permanent smile on her face, walks in, accompanied by two white human male security guards who are also blond. She speaks to the employees in an incredibly grating faux-positive voice.}''

'''MANAGER:''' Hello, new employees! My name is Felicia, and I am your new manager!

''{Felicia walks forward, inspecting each employee as she talks.}''

'''FELICIA:''' I welcome each and every one of you into the service of HappyMart!

''{Felicia gestures to the walls of the office, which are plastered with smiley faces and faux-inspirational slogans.}''

'''FELICIA:''' You are surrounded by the symbols and the standards of HappyMart, emphasizing the importance of service with a happy face! You are HappyMart. When you act, the customers act. When you smile, the customers smile! Loyalty is the key to working at HappyMart, and to reflect that, we shall perform our first exercise! Shall we begin?

''{Cut to Chaos marching in a formation with new employees to the beat of a drum. At the formation is a bandleader. Felicia is observing the employees from above, watching from an office balcony. The employees chant in unison to the beat of the drum.}''

'''EMPLOYEES:''' HERE WE MARCH. WE ARE READY TO DELIVER GOOD SERVICE WITH A SMILE. HAPPYMART!

''{The formation stop their march. The band leaders turn to the employees in the front of the formation.}''

'''BAND LEADER:''' Employee, where are you from?

'''NEW EMPLOYEE #1:''' I AM FROM TOWNINDALE.

''{The band leader turns to the next employee, and to each subsequent one.}''

'''BAND LEADER:''' And you, employee?

'''NEW EMPLOYEE #2:''' FROM BLUEHAVEN.

'''BAND LEADER:''' And you?

'''NEW EMPLOYEE #3:''' FROM PINE CREEK.

''{Lastly, the band leader turns to Chaos.}''

'''BAND LEADER:''' And you?

'''CHAOS:''' Well, um, I'm new here, actually. I was originally born in Norway, but my parents traveled around a lot and-

'''BAND LEADER:''' MARCH!

''{Chaos is shut up and taken off-guard as the employees carry on marching while chanting.}''

'''EMPLOYEES:''' HAPPY PEOPLE, HAPPY SERVICE, HAPPY CUSTOMERS, HAPPY MART.

'''BAND LEADER:''' WE ARE ALL AT WORK TOGETHER!

'''EMPLOYEES:''' IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY!

'''BAND LEADER:''' WE GUARANTEE GOOD SERVICE!

'''EMPLOYEES:''' WITH A SMILE!

'''BAND LEADER:''' WE WORK HARD AND STAY LOYAL TO THE COMPANY!

'''EMPLOYEES:''' TO HAPPYMART!

''{The employees finish their march as they are standing below the balcony with Felicia watching them. She nods and the band leader lifts up a flag with a happy face.}''

'''FELICIA:''' NOW GO OUT THERE AND SPREAD YOUR HAPPINESS TO THE CUSTOMERS... WITH A SMILE!!

''{Skip to the store during business hours. It is swarming with customers as all the employees work in a uniform fashion, all while they are being inspected by the security guard patrols and the security cameras. Chaos is working in the check-out station, serving customers with a grim look on his face. A middle-aged man walks to the till, holding an energy drink in his hand. Chaos greets him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Welcome to HappyMart, here to deliver service with a smile. Is this all you'll be getting?

'''MIDDLE-AGED MAN:''' Yeh.

''{The man puts the can on the counter and Chaos scans it. It comes up as $1.30.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That'll be... a dollar and thirty cents, please.

'''MIDDLE-AGED MAN:''' A'ight. I'll pay in cash. 'old on.

''{Chaos has his hand out as the man takes an assortment of coins out from his pocket and proceeds to slowly count them, ignoring Chaos' hand as he puts each individual coin on the counter in front of his hand. Chaos gives him a "are you kidding me?"-type look. As the man slowly counts each coin, Chaos is becoming visibly less patient as he tries to pick each coin individually from the counter, having trouble in doing so.}''

'''MIDDLE-AGED MAN:''' A dollar ten... a dollar fifteen... a dollar twenty... a dollar twenty-five...- aw, shit. I'm short five cents. Mind lettin' that go?

''{At this point, a long line-up has gathered.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

''{The man takes the drink and leaves. This action is sighted by one of the security guards who does not say anything, but moves off-screen. The next customer arrives. This customer is an older blonde woman in bad spray tan, wearing trashy and revealing clothing that shows too much of her saggy cleavage. She greets Chaos in a seductive tone.}''

'''RISQUE WOMAN:''' Well hello there, handsome stranger. Are you on the menu?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

''{The woman puts a skimpy pair of lingerie on the counter and winks at Chaos. He is taken aback, but scans the item.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That'll be nine dollars.

'''RISQUE WOMAN:''' I'll pay with cash.

''{The woman digs deep into her cleavage and pulls out a sweaty $10 bill. This time, Chaos doesn't want to touch it. He carefully grabs it by the edge and places it into the cash register. Chaos pulls out a dollar to give to her, but she refuses it.}''

'''RISQUE WOMAN:''' You can keep the change, sweetheart.

''{The woman leaves. Following her is an elven couple with several items, including shampoo, deodorant, and dish soap. Chaos begins to scan their items.}''

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' Do you have any freebies?

'''CHAOS:''' I don't think so?

''{The husband points to a packet of gum.}''

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' How about that?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, you have to pay for that.

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' Pfft. ''Okay.''

''{The wife rolls her eyes. Chaos continues scanning the items, but runs into trouble scanning the dish soap.}''

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' Ooh, it doesn't scan! Does that mean it's free?

'''ELVEN WIFE:''' Valindor, please!

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' Just having some fun, jeez.

'''CHAOS:''' ...that will be twenty-five dollars, please.

''{The husband pulls some money from his pocket.}''

'''ELVEN HUSBAND:''' I just conjured it this morning, hah!

''{Chaos fake-laughs while the wife visibly cringes. She practically drags him out as he maintains a stupid grin. Cut to Garfield, who is still in Surreal Cereals, but now sitting with the hipsters, who are far more interested in him than they were with Chaos in Episode 2. Incidentially playing on the cafe radio is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1H20W0e_oSM Shiny Happy People, by REM.]}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...it was then where I realized that if I ever were a Disney villain, I'd wind up being Doofenschmirtz.

'''FEMALE HIPSTER:''' Oh man, Phineas and Ferb is the best! But why, though?

'''GARFIELD:''' A lot of reasons, truth be told. Mostly an awkward backstory and "tends to be comic relief more than seen as legit."

'''MALE HIPSTER:''' Yeah dude, I hear ya. Sometimes I feel like background dressing, you know? Like someone created to fill space, blending in the crowd in spite of my attempts to defy uniformity. I mean, look at my manbun.

'''GARFIELD:''' That ''is'' a very nice manbun if I ever saw one, myself!

''{Tracy walks towards the table, holding another bowl of Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Deluxe.}''

'''TRACY:''' Aaaand here is your fifteenth bowl. Enjoy, guv'nor.

'''GARFIELD:''' Say, I wonder how Chaos is doing with his new job?

'''TRACY:''' It's already been about three hours, I just wonder if he'll survive the shift.

''{One of the hipsters catches wise, and starts texting on their smartphone. They then send it Garfield's way; "This 'Chaos' dude... is he the one that tried talking to us a few weeks ago?"}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I think so.

''{Garfield sends the phone back.}''

'''FEMALE HIPSTER:''' Yeah, there was this bloke in emo clothes who was ''insufferably'' awkward with us.

''{Garfield strokes his own chin.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Honestly, I could out-emo Chaos.

''{Several of the hipsters do a spittake.}''

'''INTERSEX HIPSTER:''' I feckin' knew it.

''{Garfield closes his eyes and sighs. The hipsters all get up.}''

'''FEMALE HIPSTER:''' We've all got places to be, but we did intend to attend a concert if you'd like to hang out with us some time?

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm afraid I have to pass on this one. I'm sure I'll see you guys 'round.

''{Tracy blinks. Garfield resumes scarfing down his cereal, while the Hipsters all leave. Cut to Chaos, who looks more exhausted.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Service with a smile... Service with a goddamn smile...

''{the sides of chaos's mouth start to twitch as he starts looking more psycho than happy. A customer comes to his queue with but one item. Chaos moves it over the scanner but it will not scan}''

'''CUSTOMER:''' Huh, must mean it's free.

''{Chaos starts laughing hysterically falling over on the floor}''

'''CUSTOMER:''' Dude, it wasn't that funny.

''{Chaos continues laughing, the repeted joke breaking him}''

'''CHAOS:''' Eight! Eight times!

''{The customer is made very uncomfortable, and just leaves 5 bucks on the counter and leaves, he forgets his item}''

Wikihood

2018-05-12T05:11:59Z

Remolay:

__NOTOC__
'''Wikihood is BREAD.'''

----
Current Episode: [[/eps/1|???]] is the current episode.

----
'''NEWS AS OF NOW:''' Remolay brought Wikihood back, and therefore is an enemy of the state. Shoot on sight.

----

<center>[[File:WikihoodLogoNew.png]]</center>

== Rules ==
# oh god we're actually doing this aren't we
# Don't be ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓.

== Writers ==
* Nobody important
== Episodes ==
=== Season 1 ===
# [[/eps/1|Pilot Redux]] — The saga beginues.
# [[/eps/2|Summer In the City]] — The morning after Chaos' release, Lex decides to show him around the city. Chaos fails to impress a group of hipsters.
# [[/eps/3|Odd Job Drow]] — A shift in perspective as we enter the life of a very unlucky elf.
# [[/eps/4|Ready, Set, Go!]] — The gang spring into action after Chaos finds a new job to do. Leigh suffers from a hangover on his first day at work.
# [[/eps/5|Flashback Flashdance Zone Act 1]] — Garfield and Stephanie go to a cafe in Bluehaven and discuss the current events in their lives.
# [[/eps/6|There's No Hall Like Town Hall]] — Chaos owes the Townindale government $20 and tries to pay an easy utility bill.

== Miscellaneous ==
*[[/Archive|Archive]] — Where outdated writing goes to die.
*[[/characters|Characters]] — To remind us of how many parodies and shitty self-insertions there aren't. None.
*[[/Places|Places]] — Where all two scenes of any given episode occur.
*[[/Brands|Brands]] — We show our opposition to the bourgeoisie by creating our own brands.
*[[/Summary|In Insane Summation]] — Does your pathetically short attention span keep you from reading full episodes? Enjoy this abridged plot summary of the story so far.
*[[/Soundtrack|Soundtrack]] — Hot beats to cry alone to.
*[[/Backroom|The Back Room]] — The nest of pre-plotting3. Read at your own discretion, as the content will most likely contain spoilers. the death of wikihood
----
1. Meaning "by consensus", apparently. 
2. Like this. 
3. read: Everybody argues about whose character is more important

Wikihood/eps/6

2018-05-12T04:02:39Z

Remolay:

== Overview ==
It is Friday on a Bank Holiday, and the gang face their toughest challenge yet. Utility bills.

== Transcript ==
''{It is 8:00AM in the morning, during breakfast time. Lex is guzzling down his cereal like there is no tomorrow, while Garfield is drinking a glass of some indeterminate liquid which is glowing a suspicious blue. Chaos is in the kitchen, preparing chicken while singing to himself, to the tune of "Ignition Remix" by R. Kelly.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is the remix to Ignition, 
Chaos is making chicken 
Marinate it with sauces 
and then Chaos is gonna be grilling! 

''{Lex takes a pause momentarily with his food to put his head up and focus his attention on Chaos. Garfield gets up from his seat and moves off-screen after finishing his liquid.}''

'''LEX:''' Are you singing, mon? While makin' chicken for breakfast?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah? What's it to ya?

'''LEX:''' Oh, it's nothin'. Just noticin'.

''{Garfield returns while holding a copy of the newspaper and reading from it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Say, did you guys hear about the old theatre from across the road? It’s apparently scheduled for a re-opening.

'''LEX:''' Oh, that's the D'Arque Theatre, isn't it? How old is it, now?

'''GARFIELD:''' About as old as the town itself, I believe. It’s been what, like... 40 or so years since it shut down originally?

''{Chaos rolls his eyes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' No doubt it's due to that Xavier prick's election campaign. Can you imagine keeping the lease for that long without even knocking it down? It must’ve cost ‘em a fortune.

'''GARFIELD:''' Please don't mention that man's name.

'''CHAOS:''' What?

'''GARFIELD:''' My opinion of him has... changed. I have a bit of a hostile reaction towards abusiveness...

''{Garfield's eyes glow red.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Especially if Stephanie is at least partially on the receiving end of it.

''{Garfield's body shakes as he tries resisting the urge to punch the table. Lex goes over to him.}''

'''LEX:''' I think we get the picture, mon.

''{Garfield closes his eyes, causing them to stop glowing.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, what is the deal with you two, anyway? Did you two used to-

''{Chaos is distracted by the telltale sound of the mailman haphazardly shoving letters through the mail slot.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh!! It’s the mail! D’ya think my American comic books have arrived? I’ll get it!

''{Lex rushes off to collect the mail. A variety of suspicious crashing and clanging noises are heard before he walks back, letters in his hand, looking more sullen than he did a few seconds before.}''

'''LEX:''' Argh, Whore of Babylon! The bastard bent it!

'''GARFIELD:''' ''Oh no.'' What would we do without the newest issue of “Nazis vs. Alien Space Babes”?

'''LEX:''' Ey, mon. You shut your mouth. Jeff Lao’s work is brilliant. And it was in mint condition, too…

''{As the two of them bicker, Chaos sorts through the rest of the mail.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I thought you said we didn’t get utility bills.

'''GARFIELD:''' We… don’t. Do we?

'''LEX:''' Uhh...

''{Lex thinks back to the past. Scenes of him cutting up letters, stuffing them in the garbage disposal, and other acts of wanton destruction of government mail flash through his mind.}''

'''LEX:''' No, I don’t think so.

''{Chaos frowns at his housemates. He takes out a letter, reading it carefully.}''

'''CHAOS:''' It says here that if we don’t pay, they’re going to shut off our power.

'''LEX:''' Pfft. Says who?

'''CHAOS:''' Town Hall. Wait. We have a Town Hall?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, it’s that big building in the centre. The one with a clock on it and all.

'''CHAOS:''' You mean that’s not the Clock Museum?

'''LEX:''' Nah, you’re thinking of Rivergate.

'''CHAOS:''' So...

''{Pause.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I have about $20 in my wallet, you think that’ll be enough to cover it?

'''GARFIELD:''' Good grief. You know, I could probably cover it with my-

'''CHAOS:''' Pah. I came to this town to make money, not to spend it! I suggest we go down to Town Hall, and we fight!

'''LEX:''' Uh, what, mon? Fight? It’s not the best idea to go into a government building guns blazing...

'''CHAOS:''' What are you talking about? I just wanna talk to whoever’s in charge, that’s all!

''{Chaos stands up from his chair and walks over to the main hallway.}''

'''LEX:''' What are you doing?

'''CHAOS:''' Why, my fellow, time is of the essence! I’m going to march all the way over to Town Hall right now, and give them a good old beating off!

'''GARFIELD:''' Did you just say-

'''CHAOS:''' I’m going to go over there and get us justice. I’m going to take them from behind, and give them a reach around. Just watch me.

''{Lex coughs violently.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Uh...

'''CHAOS:''' What? Was it something I said? Y'know what? Nevermind. While you two vegetate, I’ll be putting ourselves in the clear.

''{Chaos walks over to the coat rack and puts on a tweed jacket.}''

'''CHAOS:''' You two just do whatever. I’ll sort this all out.

''{Chaos pulls a pipe from his pocket and sticks it in his mouth.}''

'''CHAOS:''' And I’ll do it with style.

''{Chaos opens the door, leaves, and then slams it behind him.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Where did you find this guy?

'''LEX:''' Oh, we go back, mon. I gave him a lift in my camper van after he dropped out of magic school and we kinda became best friends. That, and I also helped him in his heists.

'''GARFIELD:''' Were you always a criminal?

'''LEX:''' Nay. It was his idea of a "fun time."

'''GARFIELD:''' I admit, he's a bit standoffish, but he is sort of growing on me. Although, it could just be because Steph told me how that D'Arque fellow is much worse.

''{Cut to Chaos, making his way down the Main Street, casually walking along until he collides with somebody. He regains his composure and addresses the stranger.}''

'''???:''' Whoa, watch it, dude!

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, shit man, I didn’t mean to-

''{Chaos looks down to see that the man he almost tripped over is young and unkempt, in a neon yellow jacket and a green tiger print beanie hat, sitting on the pavement, and clutching a bowl with a few coins in it. Next to him a small beatbox, playing a hypnotic-sounding dubstep song. He is a beggar. He awkwardly looks at the beggar for a few seconds before getting a sudden and startling feeling of good will.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...I am dreadfully sorry, sir. Please accept this money as an apology.

''{Chaos pulls a random bill from his pocket and puts it into the bowl.}''

'''BEGGAR:''' Thanks, hombre.

''{Chaos shakes the man’s hand as he walks away. When Chaos is gone, the man stands up and pulls out a bigger bowl, filled with more cash, putting the contents of the smaller bowl inside. He snickers to himself as he dusts off. He then stands up and walks away, whistling a happy tune. Cut to Leigh, who is communicating with his brother vis-a-vis through video chat on his laptop while sitting on the couch.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I did it, Remadin! One full week at work, and I didn't even get fired!

'''NED:''' Wow, I will admit, bro. When I got you that interview, I had absolutely no faith in you even getting that job, let alone keeping it. I'm proud of you, man. Say, how has ol' Jacqui been treating you?

'''LEIGH:''' I don't want to sound ungrateful to her, but she is kind of-...

''{Ned chuckles.}''

'''NED:''' She's a total bitch. Did you know that my peers resent having to represent her in court? She is a handful.

'''LEIGH:''' Have you ever represented her?

'''NED:''' Nah. Kinda wish I could, though. She pays well. How much is she paying you?

'''LEIGH:''' I hadn't even checked, to be honest. I'm just glad I have the job.

'''NED:''' Oh man. Look at you. Out of the forests, out of Santa's Grotto, in the big city, and having an office job. You're coming close to catching up to me. I'm not sure if I should actually be proud or worried that you'll surpass me. But you know what I have that you still don't?

'''LEIGH:''' What?

''{Ned moves his screen to show that he has installed a second DDR machine, right next to his first one.}''

'''NED:''' TWO DDR MACHINES!!!

''{Leigh laughs.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Just you wait, bro. I'm gonna get me a pinball machine, a foosball machine, a big screen TV, and it is gonna be ''awesome!''

'''NED:''' You're gonna have to live in a bigger apartment for that, man. Your box is tiny.

'''LEIGH:''' Okay, maybe I still have a bit further to go.

'''NED:''' I should come by and visit sometime. We could hit the bar, or better yet, hit the arcade, just like old times!

''{Leigh smiles.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Just like old times.

'''NED:''' Well, you keep being awesome. I got to beat my highest score! Talk to you later, man! And again, nice job.

'''LEIGH:''' Thanks, Remadin.

'''NED:''' Anytime, "Leigh."

''{Ned logs off. Leigh gets up from his couch. He walks over to the window, looking out at the parking lot at the back of the Wig Maker's shop.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I was going to have some awesome inner monologue about how I'm finally going places, but I really do need to find a better apartment, because this just isn't suitable at all.

''{Cut to Chaos in Town Square. At the end of Town Square is Town Hall, a somewhat large building from the early 1800s, built in an Early Federal style. On the top front of the building is a gigantic clock, with a bell on top. On the roof is a flagpole, which is flying the American flag. Chaos gazes at the top of the marble staircase, his eyes burning with the embers of passion and rage. Clutching the bill in his hand, he marches onwards, bursting through the doors with a vigor like no other.}''

'''CHAOS:''' EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU PEOPLE AT TOWN HA-...

''{Chaos notices the receptionist, who is a young and attractive woman with blonde hair with pink streaks. He is immediately smitten by her as his face becomes flushed. His foot catches on a piece of loose carpet and he trips over. The receptionist stands up, and rushes to his side.}''

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' Oh dear, are you alright?

''{Chaos looks picks himself off and brushes himself off. He backs away from the receptionist before attempting to regain his composure.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Haha, yeah, I'm fine, I just- Hey. I want to talk to the guy who's in charge here!

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' You mean the Mayor?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, that guy.

''''RECEPTIONIST:''' Do you have an appointment?

'''CHAOS:''' A- what-what?

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' An appointment?

'''CHAOS:''' Ohh. One of those things. Shit.

''{Chaos looks at the receptionist and furrows his brow, in an attempt to look sexy. He clears his throat and leans on a nearby pillar.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't suppose you could give me... an exception?

''{The receptionist looks Chaos up and down.}''

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' I can make a special exception for you.

''{The two lock eyes as Chaos and the receptionist walk towards each other in a sensual manner. The two stare deeply at each other as Chaos leans close towards her and she reciprocates. Romantic music begins to play as Chaos puts his arms around her waist and the two are about to kiss. Suddenly the music stops, and the last few moments are revealed to be part of Chaos' imagination, as he is standing flushed after she asked him if she had an appointment.}''

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' So? Do you have an appointment?

'''CHAOS:''' I-I-I don't, but...

''{The receptionist looks on her computer. She smiles at Chaos.}''

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' It appears that he's free right now, actually! Would you like to see him now?

''{Chaos regains his composure again.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my gods, yes, please! Thank you so much!

'''{The receptionist motions to the nearby staircase.}''

'''RECEPTIONIST:''' His office is at the end of the hallway, you can't miss it. I sent him a message to alert him of your presence.

'''CHAOS:''' Thank you...

''{Chaos walks towards the receptionist to read her nametag.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...Noelle.

''{He quickly backs away once more, before looking at his surroundings.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...I really like what you guys have done with the place.

''{Chaos awkwardly salutes Noelle who chuckles before making his way upstairs. The hallway is silent save for his stomps and the distant sound of crowds downstairs. Chaos stops at the end of the hall. Inches from his face, "MAYOR" is emblazoned on the door. Chaos inhales. Slowly, he turns the door handle. An ominous, oppressive air escapes through the crack and whips across his face like tendrils from an ancient, unseen evil. A bead of sweat drips down Chaos' neck. Cut to Lex and Garfield, who, in Chaos' absence, have turned the apartment into a LARP-zone. The two are pointing cardboard swords at each other.}''

'''LEX:''' Listen here, Noxigar! You shall never succeed in collecting the Necromantic Armour!! Not if I have anything to do with it, mon!

''{Garfield cackles.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh foolish Seph, don't you understand? I need the Necromantic Armour to save the universe from Zharanavuka!

'''LEX:''' But we can't do it like this!

''{Lex and Garfield look at the camera. Lex narrates.}''

'''LEX:''' But what the two allies-turned-enemies didn't know was that they were being manipulated... BY THE EVIL MUFFIN OF DOOM!!!

''{Suddenly, Volkov bursts out from the couch, wearing a gigantic muffin costume, along with horns and a tail.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' MUAHAHA!! YOU FOOLISH FOOLS! I HAVE BEEN MANIPULATING YOU ENTIRE TIME, AND IT IS I WHO SHALL BRING THOUSAND YEARS OF CONFECTIONARY DARKNESS TO ALL UNIVERSES!!!

''{Volkov pulls muffins out from his pockets and begins pelting Lex and Garfield with them. The two proceed to hit him with the cardboard swords. Lex stops hitting Volkov, and Garfield follows.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, I wonder 'ow Chaos is doing with the bills.

'''GARFIELD:''' He's missing out is what's happening. Hey, Volkov, thanks again for joining us.

''{Volkov lets out a hearty belly laugh.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Ho ho ho! You know, it is rather funny, da? I have been in situations like this in real life.

'''LEX:''' Whoa mon, you fought an evil muffin? Or you were an evil muffin?

'''VOLKOV:''' Nyeeeeet, not quite like zat. More like rogue government insurgents trying to start WWIII with global superpowers, but similar. My weapons were not as tasty.

''{Volkov takes a bite out of one of his muffins. The Soviet Anthem softly plays in the background to an assortment of gruesome battle noises as the camera zooms in on Volkov's face, which grows in intensity.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Zey were more... 'splody. Right now, it smells pleasant, like sugar. In battlefield, nyet, all you smell is blood and death. I close my eyes and I still see. I still hear. I still feel all of it. Nightmare and reality combine into one. The feel of dread as all of your comrades lose their lives, one by one, until you are only one standing. And what is it for? Even I do not know.

''{The music stops and the camera zooms out to Lex and Garfield looking at Volkov with concern. The mood changes back to normal as the three continue their playfighting. Cut back to Chaos, who has entered the Mayor's office. To his surprise, the mayor, an incredibly old man, is sitting at his chair, fast asleep, with drool hanging from his mouth. He walks over and nudges the Mayor in the arm. No response. He then goes over to the bookshelf and realigns a book that was slightly out of place, looking at the Mayor while he does it. Suddenly the Mayor jerks awake.}''

'''MAYOR:''' WAIT WHAT WHA WHA WAIT WHA…. what? Who are you?

'''CHAOS:''' I’m here to settle a debt.

''{The Mayor's eyes widen.}''

'''MAYOR:''' You can tell the boss that I have been upholding my end up the bargain entirely! Please, sir, have mercy!

'''CHAOS:''' What the hell are you talking about? We got some bills in the mail this morning, and apparently, we owe money.

'''MAYOR:''' Oh, um. I knew that. I was just playing a fun game!

'''CHAOS:''' Right. I know we probably owe a lot of money, but I'm here to request that you waive our debt. You see, we-...

'''MAYOR:''' You want me to waive your debt? I can't do that, even if I wanted to! Everything is on one of those new-fangled computers, nowadays. See?

''{The Mayor turns his computer screen towards Chaos. It is an ancient machine, running on Windows 98, and the picture is the log-on screen.}''

'''MAYOR:''' I've been Mayor of this town for over thirty years, and they still expect me to use all this new technology!

'''CHAOS:''' That's Windows 98. Even I know how to work that. Here, lemme do it. There's this magical button that allows you to bypass the system. Watch.

''{Chaos presses the "Esc" button. The computer blue-screens.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh.

'''MAYOR:''' Ah, you must be a computer expert! I should hire you!

'''CHAOS:''' Um. Yeah! I'm just... fixing the mainframe. All I have to do now is... um... reverse the polarity. Hold on.

''{Chaos scoots over to where the Mayor is sitting and looks under the desk. The computer is covered in cobwebs. It is apparent that it has not been turned off for a long time. Chaos presses the power button to turn the computer off, and then again to turn it back on. The Windows logo shows up on-screen before going back to the log-in screen. Chaos presses the "Esc" key again, reaching the desktop this time. The Mayor squints his eyes at the screen, but is clearly unable to see what's happening. Chaos sees an icon, titled "Utility Bills."}''

'''CHAOS:''' There it is!

''{Chaos moves the cursor over to click on the icon, but suddenly a purple gorilla appears on-screen, blocking it. It opens it's mouth and a text bubble comes out, asking "Do you want to download free cursors?"}''

'''CHAOS:''' No, I just want to access the bills!

''{Chaos tries to drag the gorilla out of the way, but the gorilla gets mad and pulls a mallet out of hammerspace and smashes the icon for the utility bills, rendering it unable to be clicked. Chaos notices a second file, titled "Utility Bills - Backup," but the gorilla smashes that as well. He proceeds to smash all the icons on-screen pertaining to all of Town Hall's important data. Suddenly, the screen is covered by an assortment of pop-ups. Finally, the computer emits a bloodcurdling scream before bursting into flames.}''

'''MAYOR:''' Oh dear. It got a virus. This is what I'm talking about, regarding technology! It's everywhere!

''{The mayor pulls out a 1980s-era cell phone.}''

'''MAYOR:''' They even make me take calls on a phone without wires!

'''CHAOS:''' Uhhh...

'''MAYOR:''' I can probably tell you what you owe, though. Hold on.

''{The Mayor stands up from his chair and shuffles over to a filing cabinet which is covered in cobwebs. He opens one of the draws.}''

'''CHAOS:''' We live on 26807 Sunshine Avenue. ...Above a pierogi bar.

''{The Mayor scrolls through the files and pulls one out. He blows the dust off of it and brings it over to the desk. He opens it and pulls out one of the pieces of paper, which is obviously out of date.}''

'''MAYOR:''' Ah, yes! According to this, you own Town Hall… twenty dollars!

'''CHAOS:''' Twenty dollars? That’s it? Hah, that’s easy! Just let me…

''{Chaos reaches into his pocket. The expression on his face turns into one of worry.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Um, hold on. Just let me…

''{Chaos quickly reaches into his other pocket. Still nothing. Suddenly, Chaos harkens back to an hour ago, when he gave a random bill of change to the beggar.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Crap.

'''MAYOR:''' Oh?

'''CHAOS:''' Do you mind waiting for a bit? I just need to get something. You can be Handel; I'll be Bach!

''{Chaos rushes out of the Mayor's office, where he is immediately greeted by the sight of Xavier D'Arque and Stephanie Young, who were both waiting outside. Xavier D'Arque smiles as he puts his hand on Chaos' shoulder.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Look what we have here, Penelope! A hard-working citizen of Townindale, fulfilling his role in society by meeting with this lovely city's dear old Mayor! I suppose you know who I am?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh...

'''XAVIER:''' Lost for words? I totally get it. What's your name?

'''CHAOS:''' Felix?

''{Xavier forcibly grabs Chaos' hand and shakes it, before taking a campaign badge out of his pocket and pinning it onto Chaos' jacket. He puts his arm around Chaos and pulls him close. Chaos looks mortified.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Quick, Penelope. Take a picture of me with one of my supporters! C'mon, Felix. Smile for the cameras!

''{Stephanie sighs, before pulling a camera out of her bag and taking a picture of the smiling D'Arque and the shellshocked Chaos.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Excellent. You know, it's an honor and a privilege to meet with the common people. Remember that I represent the common man, so be sure to vote for me.

''{Xavier taps the badge that he pins on Chaos' jacket before shoving himself into the Mayor's office, slamming the door behind him. Stephanie groans before entering after him. Almost immediately, the Mayor can be heard yelping offscreen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What a douche. Oh shit. I still need to get that money.

''{Chaos hurries down the stairs and runs out of Town Hall. The receptionist calls after him.}''

'''NOELLE:''' Did everything go alright?

''{[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkXHsK4AQPs "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath] plays as Chaos rushes down the Townindale streets, desperately trying to figure out his next move. He scans the streets, looking for the beggar that he gave money too. As he sprints, he stares at the buildings flying past, hoping to find something he could take advantage of. He passes by a rental store and an apothecary’s before finding a bank. Chaos skids to a halt and darts to the entrance. He kicks the doors, which swing open.}''

'''TELLER:''' Hello, may we help-

''{In the midst of the chaotic situation, Chaos inadvertently summoned a literal thunderstorm within the confines of the building with his dormant magical abilities, complete with lightning and tornadoes. He runs up to a teller and slams his sweaty hands on the glass in front of him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I need to get some money out, quick!

''{The teller stares at him, terrified internally. She presses the silent alarm button under her desk.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Well? Aren’t you going to say something?

''{The teller mashes the button furiously and remains silent.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh! I almost forgot!

''{Chaos reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. The thunderstorm quickly dissipates.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Right, you need my bank card, heh heh…

''{As soon as Chaos retrieves his bank card, he hears sirens just outside the building. He spins around to see the cause of the commotion. Policemen burst in through the doors and point their guns at Chaos.}''

'''POLICEMAN:''' Freeze! Drop your weapon!

'''CHAOS:''' Oh FUCK no.

''{Chaos seizes up. He shakes a little and drops his card and wallet. Soon after, he collapses to the ground, completely motionless. The police chief, an older African-American gentleman, kicks the door in, despite it already being open.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Alright you mother-

''{The chief looks at Chaos’ prone form.}''

'''CHIEF:''' And what in Capitol Hill is going on here?

'''TELLER:''' He’s trying to rob us!

''{The chief laughs.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Rob you? With what?

''{The chief picks up Chaos’ wallet and points it at the teller.}''

'''CHIEF:''' This?

''{The teller flinches. The chief drops the wallet.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Ah, you wouldn’t know a bank robbery if it came up and bit you on the septum. Lemme tell you; you would not survive a day in my old city.

'''TELLER:''' W-well, nobody ever comes in here…

''{The chief looks around. Indeed, the bank is completely empty aside from the staff, the cops, and Chaos’ limp body. The chief grumbles.}''

'''CHIEF:''' And the mayor says he can’t give us the funding for better weapons…

''{The chief kneels down and prods Chaos, who whimpers a little.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Hey. Get up. We’re not gonna hurt ya.

''{Chaos lifts his eyes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' R-really?

''{Chaos shakily stands up.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So I’m- I’m not under arrest?

''{The chief scratches his chin.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Well, we’ve gotta take you down to the station anyway.

''{The Chief pulls out a pair of handcuffs, and Chaos lets out an anguished cry.}''

'''CHIEF:''' Standard procedure.

''{Cut to Chaos in the station. He is back in a calm and collected state.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Aw shit, I didn't even get to eat the chicken I made this morning!

''{Chaos sees Garfield and Lex walk into the station. Lex is eating chicken. The two talk to the Police Chief for a couple of seconds as the Chief points to Chaos. The two walk up to Chaos.}''

'''LEX:''' We heard ya ran into some trouble, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' You caused a thunderstorm in a bank. Are you some sort of weather wizard?

'''CHAOS:''' Ehhh, kinda? I can't do magic very well unless I'm stressed out. That's irrelevant, though. Say, do any of you have a spare $20? I still need to pay the utility bills!

'''LEX:''' Don't ya worry about that, mon. We talked to the receptionist at Town Hall and we got it all sorted. It turns out that their entire computer system crashed, erasing all bills in the city.

''{Cut to The Mayor in his office trying to figure out how to use his computer}''

'''MAYOR:''' Let's see here... I'll press escape...

''{He presses the escape key and his computer goes to desktop}''

'''MAYOR:''' Oh! I'm in. I wonder if I COULD delete the bills.

''{a few keystrokes are made and a dialogue box appears on screen with the words "UTILITY BILLS DELETED"}''

'''MAYOR:''' Yes! Now I'll just bring them back...

''{More keystrokes are made, changing the dialogue box to "ALL BACKUPS DELETED"}''

'''MAYOR:''' No!

''{Cut back to the gang}''

'''LEX:''' We're in the clear now, brudda!

'''CHAOS:''' But the Mayor said we owed $20...

'''GARFIELD:''' Yeah, no, we're good. He must've been mistaken.

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. Can we go home now? I wanna relax.

'''LEX:''' Ya mon, good idea. We could catch a new episode of Trial of Chairs. I wanna see who they're gonna kill next!

'''CHAOS:''' Whoo, now that sounds like a good idea! Come on, guys!

''{The three leave the police station. Cut to Xavier and Stephanie leaving Town Hall.}''

'''XAVIER:''' What a great day. I have the full support of San Cristobal's government, and now I have Townindale's, my sweet, sweet hometown. We're making serious progress, Penelope.

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's Step-... Ugh, nevermind.

''{The two walk down Main Street, until they run into the same beggar that Chaos ran into earlier. The beggar, playing a similarly hypnotic dubstep song from his speakers, looks up at Xavier. His eyes twinkle and a grin appears on his face.}''

'''BEGGAR:''' Spare some change?

''{End of the Episode.}''

Wikihood/eps/1

2018-05-11T06:25:20Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/eps/5

2018-05-11T04:23:34Z

Remolay:

== Synopsis ==

== Transcript ==

''{The scene opens up in Garfield's room of The Apartment. He arrives into it, from a door he opened.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yare yare dawa.

''{Garfield collapses on his bed, planting his face into a pillow. His phone begins glowing nearby, which he hears. Groaning briefly, he checks it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...hrm?

''{Garfield proceeds to put his fingers on the phone, as if to text.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, it would seem one of my companions from long ago, Stephanie Young, has decided to arrive in good ol' Towningdale.

'''LEX:''' ''{offscreen}'' It's Townindale, mon!

'''GARFIELD:''' ...Very well.

''{Garfield gets up. He goes over and sprays a perfume with the mathematical symbol for Aleph as its logo on himself. He then briefly changes clothes to a magenta suit and a dark blue tie. He puts on a Dr. Seuss hat, and proceeds to depart from his room into the "living room," where he is spotted by Chaos.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Just where do you think you're going, looking like that?

'''GARFIELD:''' An outing.

'''CHAOS:''' You look fruity.

'''GARFIELD:''' I presumed it was in-style.

'''CHAOS:''' ...whatever.

''{Chaos facepalms.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ''{muffled}'' I really don't want to know what outing you're going on.

''{Garfield fiddles with his phone and plays Chun Li by Nicki Minaj on his way out. Zoom out to reveal that Garfield is travelling to a nearby towne, known as Bluehaven. There's also a "?" icon heading towards the same town. Zoom out to reveal that Garfield and Stephanie are sitting at a table.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, Stephanie, I made it...

'''STEPHANIE:''' Despite my directions?

'''GARFIELD:''' No, I needed them.

'''STEPHANIE:''' How've you been?

'''GARFIELD:''' Long story short, one of Lex's old time buddies got out of prison and sometimes gives me a headache.

'''STEPHANIE:''' He isn't too keen on just living things out in an apartment so you can still be friends with Volkov, is he?

''{Garfield shakes his head and shrugs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I don't actually know. Lex himself has an odd life outside of the apartment, truth be told. I can't read him at times.

''{Cut to Lex's job at the mattress store. Garfield arrives with sub sandwiches.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, I figured you might've been famished, so I-

''{Garfield blinks and looks around to find that the lot is empty.}''

'''LEX:''' Eyyy, whazzup mon. It's been a slow day, today.

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex, there's nobody here.

'''LEX:''' Those are the best days, my friend.

'''GARFIELD:''' Don't you get bored? Don't you have any coworkers? Or... a manager? Or anybody?

'''LEX:''' Hmm.

''{Lex closes his eyes, and shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' All I know is that I come here for my eight hours and I get my paycheck in the mail. And honestly? That's good enough for me.

'''GARFIELD:''' I don't suppose I call dibs on all these mattresses? Maybe we can sell what we can't store in the garage...

'''LEX:''' You want them, you buy them.

''{Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I thought he got conned, at first, but nah. It's a weird job. Speaking of cons, though, there was that time I had a "date" with this guy who sold me some fake enhancement pills.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Some date that must've been, eh?

''{Stephanie lets out an awkward laugh.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I can assure you that I was nothing but a gentleman towards them.

''{Cut to the studio of "DataPatriots." A large, angry, and red-faced man is sitting at a desk, loudly ranting a live television camera while holding a vial of pills.}''

'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' I'M TELLIN' YOU FOLKS, THE GLOBALISTS DON'T WANT YOU TO BE TAKING THESE PILLS! THESE PILLS WILL STOP THE SHADOW ORGANIZATIONS FROM READING YOUR THOUGHTS AND STEALING YOUR IDEAS! THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE!! WAKE UP! THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO CONTROL YOUR MIND, READ YOUR THOUGHTS, AND ENSLAVE YOU, AND ONLY THESE PILLS CAN SAVE YOU!! THE NEW WORLD ORDER IS COMING, PEOPLE!!!!

''{Garfield bursts in, wielding ties around his wrists and two makeshift pistols. His eyes glow red as soon as he recognizes the pundit.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You phony! You sold fake pills to customers who died as a result of having them. Now, you get to meet my current friends:

''{Garfield lifts his left pistol and shoots the ceiling with one of the guns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Maxamillion...

'''ANGRY CONSPIRACY PUNDIT:''' THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!!!

''{The man runs offscreen. Garfield looks into the camera.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...and Roxanne.

''{Garfield shoots the camera with the other gun. Cut back to Stephanie and Garfield. Stephanie's face looks a little more pale.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...that might explain why your bounty went up.

'''GARFIELD:''' ...bounty?

''{Stephanie pulls out her phone and types something on the screen. On the screen is an online website which has a picture of Garfield on the front page.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You can't keep calling these "selfies." Eventually, the government is going to think of you as more than just a nuisance.

''{Stephanie sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I value your concern for my well-being.

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's not unusual to think that maybe things could've turned out... differently for you.

'''GARFIELD:''' You're one of the few people that knows ''the real me.''

''{Stephanie looks saddened.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Has Tracy been well?

'''GARFIELD:''' Some pompous jerks decided to make fun of his cereal cafe idea.

''{Cut to Garfield, outside. He notices several "gangster"-looking individuals mocking Tracy openly, with other staff not doing anything. Upon seeing Tracy get beat up by the people mocking him, Garfield's eyes glow red and he promptly heads toward a red motorcycle and plucks the tires off of it, and then enters Surreal Cereals.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Is there something I can help you with, distinguished guests?

''{The gangsters turn to Garfield. One of them, wielding a Skull Masque, laughs.}''

'''SKULL MASQUE:''' Get a load of this friggin' Sperg honkey. ''{mocking Garfield's voice}'' "Distinguished guests."

''{The other gangsters begin laughing, though they recognize the motorcycle tires as being hijacked from the Skull Masque and slowly back away.}''

'''TRACY:''' No no no please don't make a scene please don't make a scene.

'''RONALD:''' Bro, he just trashed your ride.

''{Garfield begins pummeling Skull Masque with the motorcycle tires, treating them as chakram. The other gangsters try jumping Garfield, and the frame changes to outside Surreal Cereals, with sounds of screaming reaching outside as several police cars arrive towards it.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{offscreen}'' Needless to say, no gang will be opposing Surreal Cereals ever again.

''{Cut back to Garfield and Stephanie, again. Garfield stops talking, so he can sip some tea.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well, then.

''{Stephanie blinks.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ''{thinking}'' Maybe I ''do'' need to talk to D'Arque, and fast.

''{She coughs.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I take it things have been mellow since?

''{Garfield nods, still sipping tea. Zoom out to reveal he is also in heavy shade.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm pleased to hear that. You know, it's been an awfully long time since we last interacted.

''{Garfield stops sipping tea. Nodding, he takes out a purple heart.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I made this Katawa Heart for you.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Katawa Heart?

'''GARFIELD:''' An idea given to me.

''{Stephanie examines the Katawa Heart.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' This is... actually pretty neat.

''{Garfield smiles.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Glad you think so. It took me months, even years, to craft.

''{Cut to Garfield and Volkov at the office, in a greyed setting.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' You wish to have apartment here?

'''GARFIELD:''' 'Tis all I can presently ask, milord.

'''VOLKOV:''' Can be arranged.

''{Volkov takes out some papers. There's a line and some red ink.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Sign here.

''{Garfield signs the papers.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Is Wiggins really your surname?

''{The frames change, as if they were comic book pages. A few months later, Lex arrives.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, thanks for answering that online ad of mine!

''{Zoom out to reveal Garfield on a computer, inspecting something.}''

'''LEX:''' ...Garf?

''{Garfield turns around. His mood brightens.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex! Jolly good to see you, dear chap!

'''LEX:''' Mon, you must have the wrong Lex.

''{Garfield looks him up and down.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' You're the right Lex.

''{Lex tilts his head confusingly.}''

'''LEX:''' What?

'''GARFIELD:''' I will explain later.

''{More time passes. Lex and Garfield have a setup going.}''

'''LEX:''' So you mean to tell me you collect things whilst also at NoxCorp?

'''GARFIELD:''' More or less. My Dragon boss...

'''LEX:''' Your boss is a Dragon?

'''GARFIELD:''' Yes.

'''LEX:''' Colour me surprised, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' My Dragon boss suggested I have my own treasure hoard. It's how they keep themselves from being bored.

'''LEX:''' Now, you're sure that's not just a deflection of stereotype or nothin'?

''{Garfield shakes his head.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Nay, my dear Dawson.

'''LEX:''' That's not my surname.

''{Garfield facepalms.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Force of habit, Lex. My apologies. A N Y W A Y...

''{Garfield shows a purple item.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Once I've collected enough Gems, Dragon Statues, Butterflies, Talismans, Orbs, Spirit Gates, and Kinder Eggs... I may be able to process their energies and make a Katawa Heart.

''{Cut back to present time, with Stephanie and Garfield.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You remembered me, after all this time?

'''GARFIELD:''' Fucks yeah. Why-

''{Stephanie gets up and tightly hugs him. He pauses for a moment, but reciprocates.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Oh my God, you have ''no'' idea what's gone on on my end.

'''GARFIELD:''' I don't.

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...where do I start?

'''GARFIELD:''' Logically, from the beginning.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well...

''{Cut to Stephanie at a luxury penthouse suite in San Cristobal. A caption appears, reading "One Week Earlier." In the background, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDnNF5cHCdo "The Reflex" by Duran Duran] is playing. Stephanie looks aggravated as she's angrily knocking on the door of the master bedroom. From inside of the bedroom, you can hear giggles from an assortment of women.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Mr. D'Arque! MR. D'ARQUE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR MEETING WITH THE MAYOR!

''{No response. Stephanie knocks even harder.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You don't want to keep him waiting! You need his support!

''{Xavier D'Arque finally responds from the other side.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Ugh, you always ruin the fun! Fine! Time for you all to go, ladies.

''{Stephanie rolls her eyes. The door open as four young women, barely eighteen years old and scantily clad, run out while giggling and snickering.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Hand the girls their money, won't ya? It's for their college fund!

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yes, sir.

''{Stephanie pulls out a checkbook from her pocket and proceeds to write four checks before handing them to each of the young women. Xavier emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a purple bathrobe. He waves the women goodbye as he practically shoves them out of the suite.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Phew. Is it me, or are high schoolers getting younger?

'''STEPHANIE:''' No, you're just getting older.

'''XAVIER:''' Well, you know what they say. If you can still use it, you can still abuse it!

''{Xavier motions to his crotch. Stephanie looks away.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Just get dressed quickly. You're expected there in thirty minutes.

'''XAVIER:''' Alright, alright.

''{Xavier disrobes completely, revealing nothing underneath. His most intimate parts are covered up by parts of the foreground scenery as the camera follows him around the suite.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Aren't you excited, Penelope?

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's Stephanie.

'''XAVIER:''' What's what I said! Aren't you excited? In just a week's time, I'm gonna be launching my bid for Senate, and all eyes will be on me! Isn't it invigorating to be in the presence of someone who is destined for such greatness?

'''STEPHANIE:''' It's simply ''wonderful,'' sir.

''{Xavier picks up a pair of trousers and puts them on, not bothering with underwear.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Damn fucking right, it is. Xavier D'Arque, Republic Island Senator. Just imagine that. Fuck, no, let's go even further. Xavier D'Arque. President of the United States.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Aren't you shooting a little too high to be thinking of a Presidential bid this early?

'''XAVIER:''' No such thing as too high, babe.

''{Xavier sprays himself with cologne all over his body.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Say, how old are you again?

'''STEPHANIE:''' I'm 24.

'''XAVIER:''' And are you married yet? Hell, are you even seeing anybody? I don't think I've ever seen you with a man.

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...no? But I don't know how this is relevant to-

''{Xavier grabs a shirt and tie from his closet and puts them on.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Jesus H. Christ, you need to get hitched soon! You ain't gettin' any younger, babe. Your biological clock is a ticking time bomb. You gotta get yourself a guy and have children while you still can. You know, if I weren't your boss, I would almost consider break my nineteen-and-under rule. But you know, that would be ''unprofessional.'' Plus, I respect you too much.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Gee. ''I am humbled.''

'''XAVIER:''' Hey, I know plenty of good and rich men who would love a girl like you. You're a little too smart for them, but I think if you kept your mouth shut, you'd be alright. Oh yeah, speaking of all this shit; call my wife and kids. I want them to appear at the announcement ceremony next week. I gotta make a good image for the cameras.

''{After putting his shoes and socks on, Xavier is finally dressed. He looks outside of the window, overlooking the entirety of Downtown San Cristobal.}''

'''XAVIER:''' In just eight months, all of this is gonna be mine. You're witnessing history in the making, Penelope.

'''STEPHANIE:''' Stephanie.

'''XAVIER:''' That's what I ''said.'' The D'Arque's used to rule everything here, and when I'm finished, they'll be back on top. You are a very lucky woman. Now come on, let's see the Mayor. We can't let that fat bastard wait too long.

''{Stephanie sighs.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Right, sir.

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' No way. What a scumbag.

''{Garfield stands up and cracks his knuckles. His eyes begin glowing red.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I'll kick his ass so hard, his entire family line will feel it!

''{Stephanie grabs his arm.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' No! Do you know how much this job is worth? Please don't blow it!

'''GARFIELD:''' But the man is a complete asshole! He treats women like dirt, and doesn't even try to remember your name!

'''STEPHANIE:''' Yeah, I know. But believe it or not, he pays very generously.

''{Garfield sighs. His eyes slowly return to normal.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Alright, if you're sure. It's funny, really. Chaos said from the get-go that he didn't like him. I didn't even think to consider that he was ''that'' bad, though.

'''STEPHANIE:''' He has his good moments. He donates to charity, at least?

''{Short pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I still want to kick his ass. For now, though, I can see how it presents a conflict of interest.

''{Stephanie still maintains her grip on his arm.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' You have ''got'' to promise me you won't blow this.

''{Garfield thinks for a moment.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I solemnly swear an Oath of Fealty to you. On my word, nothing I do shall get in your way.

''{Stephanie cocks a brow.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I... see.

''{Stephanie somehow can read Garfield's emotions more readily, much to her shock. She ceases to grip his arm.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Well, if you won't get in my way, that's fine. I doubt anything will come headed your way.

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I'm a bit of a recluse when not at work. So long as you are unharmed, I intend to keep it that way.

''{Time passes by. They finish their lunches. Stephanie gets up.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I've got to jet.

'''GARFIELD:''' Ditto.

''{Garfield gets up again, then takes out a Point Card.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' It's probably a good thing I saved up money. Whatever I spend will go into this.

''{He takes out a pen and does some math.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...carry the two...

''{He signs it.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' Dude, you don't have to pay for the whole thing!

'''GARFIELD:''' ''{confusedly}'' Why not? I got several bulk itemmes, and a red wine bottle for later.

''{Garfield sends his Point Card with the sheet of paper he wrote for tip.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' ...how much did you tip, anyway?

'''GARFIELD:''' 80%.

'''STEPHANIE:''' That's way too much!

'''GARFIELD:''' I found some extra quarters in the couch, I figured I'd go all in with them.

''{Stephanie sighs.}''

'''STEPHANIE:''' I suppose that's that, then?

''{Garfield nods.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Yep.

''{The screen splits into two; on one screen, Garfield arrives back at The Apartment and finds Chaos with some equipment. On the other screen, Stephanie returns to the hotel room where D'Arque is staying.}''

'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' So, that's how your outing went?

'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' Yup.

'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' Wow, that's rather anticlimactic if you asked me.

'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' Well, when you haven't seen your person of interest for so long, it tends to be that way. It's not my first rodeo with this sort of outcome.

'''XAVIER / CHAOS:''' If I were you, I would have easily done a lot more than just "hug it out for thirty minutes." Sheesh.

'''STEPHANIE / GARFIELD:''' I'm kind of glad you weren't there, then.

''{Stephanie's screen subsumes Garfield's screen.}''

'''XAVIER:''' Anything else?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Jaqueline Rosenberg got back to us.

'''XAVIER:''' Go on...

'''STEPHANIE:''' She wants to know how the hell you got the number to the telemarketing department, her words.

'''XAVIER:''' Yes, and how did you?

'''STEPHANIE:''' Pressed buttons until someone answered of course. Also we've got the room, Endorsement "To be determined at a later price".

'''XAVIER:''' Excellent.

''{Xavier begins laughing maniacly as the camera zooms on his face and the lighting dims, smash cut to the same shot as before as he stops laughing}''

'''XAVIER:''' Have you heard this joke about the three pieces of string? It's hilarious!

''{End of episode}''

Wikihood

2018-05-11T01:02:10Z

Remolay:

__NOTOC__
'''Wikihood is UNDEAD.'''

----
Current Episode: [[/eps/1|???]] is the current episode.

----
'''NEWS AS OF NOW:''' Remolay brought Wikihood back, and therefore is an enemy of the state. Shoot on sight.

----

<center>[[File:WikihoodLogoNew.png]]</center>

== Rules ==
# oh god we're actually doing this aren't we
# Don't be ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓.

== Writers ==
* Nobody important
== Episodes ==
=== Season 1 ===
# [[/eps/1|Pilot Redux]] — The saga beginues.
# [[/eps/2|Summer In the City]] — The morning after Chaos' release, Lex decides to show him around the city. Chaos fails to impress a group of hipsters.
# [[/eps/3|Odd Job Drow]] — A shift in perspective as we enter the life of a very unlucky elf.
# [[/eps/4|Ready, Set, Go!]] — The gang spring into action after Chaos finds a new job to do. Leigh suffers from a hangover on his first day at work.
# [[/eps/5|Flashback Flashdance Zone Act 1]] — Garfield and Stephanie go to a cafe in Bluehaven and discuss the current events in their lives.
# [[/eps/6|There's No Hall Like Town Hall]] —

== Miscellaneous ==
*[[/Archive|Archive]] — Where outdated writing goes to die.
*[[/characters|Characters]] — To remind us of how many parodies and shitty self-insertions there aren't. None.
*[[/Places|Places]] — Where all two scenes of any given episode occur.
*[[/Brands|Brands]] — We show our opposition to the bourgeoisie by creating our own brands.
*[[/Summary|In Insane Summation]] — Does your pathetically short attention span keep you from reading full episodes? Enjoy this abridged plot summary of the story so far.
*[[/Soundtrack|Soundtrack]] — Hot beats to cry alone to.
*[[/Backroom|The Back Room]] — The nest of pre-plotting3. Read at your own discretion, as the content will most likely contain spoilers. the death of wikihood
----
1. Meaning "by consensus", apparently. 
2. Like this. 
3. read: Everybody argues about whose character is more important

Wikihood/eps/2

2018-05-10T06:14:09Z

Remolay: Yeah, sorry man. I'm changing that one back

== Summary ==
 Warning: You are recreating a page that was previously deleted.
 You should consider whether it is appropriate to continue editing this page. The deletion and move log for this page are provided here for convenience:
 19:38, 2015 June 20 Brerose (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (view/restore)
 20:49, 2011 October 21 JuomariVeren (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (content was: '#REDIRECT Wikihood/arc/2' (and the only contributor was 'Chaosvii7')) (view/restore)
 20:18, 2011 October 21 JuomariVeren (talk | contribs | block) moved page Wikihood/eps/2 to Wikihood/arc/2 (revert)
 07:36, 2008 February 22 Super Sam (talk | contribs | block) restored page Wikihood/eps/2 (112 revision(s) restored: Not really what moderator powers are for...)
 13:27, 2008 February 14 Xenophunk (talk | contribs | block) deleted page Wikihood/eps/2 (*places in an Aperture Science Euthanizer*) (view/restore)

== Transcript ==
''{Open to Lex's bedroom. Lex is sleeping in his bed, which is shaped like a race car. Above his bed is the Jamaican flag, and on the wall is a signed poster of Usain Bolt. The sun can be seen through the blinds of the window, and birds can be heard chirping outside. His alarm clock hits 7:00AM, causing it to go off to the tune of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIxDpvjJr0 Mr. Blue Sky, by ELO. A montage follows to the music.]

'''ALARM:''' Good Morning! Today's forecast calls for blue skies!

''{As the music begins, Lex opens his eyes with a wide smile on his face, stretching his arms and throwing the covers off his body.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Sun is shinin' in the sky,''
 ''There ain't a cloud in sight''
 ''It's stopped rainin'''
 ''Everybody's in a play''
 ''And don't you know''
 ''It's a beautiful new day, hey!''

''{Lex hops out of bed in his pyjamas and immediately pulls open the curtains, revealing a sunny and idyllic scene outside. He opens the window, pops head out, and waves to passers by, who smile and wave back.}''

'''ALARM:''' Runnin' down the avenue
 ''See how the sun shines brightly''
 ''In the city on the streets''
 ''Where once was pity''
 ''Mister Blue Sky is living here today''

''{Lex does a merry little jig while walking over to his wardrobe. He looks at various outfits and strokes his chin before smiling and grabbing one that's hanging up. In a fashion not unlike that of Wonder Woman, or the Sims, he spins around and is now wearing it.}''

'''ALARM:''' ''Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why''
 ''You had to hide away for so long (So long)''
 ''Where did we go wrong?''

''{Lex is now in the bathroom, brushing his teeth in front of the mirror. A cockroach crawls on the mirror's surface. Lex looks perplexed, before smiling and waving at the cockroach. The cockroach waves back before scuttling away. As the song's instrumental is playing, Lex is now doing his happy little jig in the living room. The song abruptly stops as a pillow is launched at Lex, hitting him in the face. Chaos tries to get up from the couch he has been sleeping on, but ends up rolling off and hitting the ground. He groans and stands up, shuffling over to Lex and grabbing him by the shoulders.}''

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY FUCK, LEX; IT'S 7:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING, IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.

'''LEX:''' What are you talkin' about, mon? It's Saturday morning!

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, Saturday morning starts at like... 2PM in the afternoon! Who gets up at 7:00 in the morning when they have a choice? It's practically still fuckin' night time!

'''LEX:''' Did... did you even sleep last night?

'''CHAOS:''' I... think so?

''{Flashback to 4:30AM in the morning. Chaos is sitting on the couch with a glass of Naminade, watching the television. Sounds of clashing swords, gore, and hardcore sex can be heard offscreen as Chaos watches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I can't believe it. They've finally managed to reconcile my love for pornography and violence. This is awesome.

'''TELEVISION:''' Trial of Chairs will be back after the messages!

''{Chaos yawns.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Just... one... more... episode...

''{Back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nevermind that, it's still too early! I bet Garfield isn't awake yet!

''{Garfield can be heard in the kitchen.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've been up since 5.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh. Well... you guys are weird. What were you even doing anyway, Lex?

'''LEX:''' I'm gettin' ready for my morning run, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' I'm sorry, but a morning ''run''? Not only are you subjecting yourself to waking up this early, but you're going to ''exercise?'' The hell is wrong with you?

'''LEX:''' Hey, I gotta keep my cardiovascular health goin', y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' I... don't even... just... no.

'''GARFIELD:''' You're not going out for a run without eating breakfast again, are you?

'''LEX:''' Oh, right. I should probably eat, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, now ''that'' is something that I can agree with. Food.

''{Chaos walks over to the kitchen.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Watcha got cooking, anyway?

'''GARFIELD:''' Just my Garfield Special. Bacon, eggs, grits, sausage, toast, and jam.

'''CHAOS:''' How's that any different than the regular American breakfast?

'''GARFIELD:''' It's not really, I just like to call it my Garfield Special because I like to arrange the food. Sometimes I make a happy face with the eggs and bacon. Other times, I like to recreate famous movie scenes.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh.

''{Lex takes a seat at the dining table. Garfield brings a plate of food and lays it in front of Lex. He takes two more plates of food and puts them down as both he and Chaos seat themselves. Forward to them talking while eating.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What kind of things did I miss while I was in prison? I have been so out of the loop for the past three years, it's unreal.

'''LEX:''' Quite a lot, actually. We elected a new president earlier this year, in fact.

''{A look of disgust appears on Garfield's face.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Unfortunately. And look how awful it's turned out already. Who knew that electing an incorrigible reality television star with absolutely no experience or charm whatsoever would turn out to be a horrendous idea? The fact that people would willingly hand over their democracy to someone with no substance, style, or any real mandate to run a country whatsoever still absolutely shocks and horrifies me to this very moment.

'''LEX:''' I think you're being a bit harsh, ya? I think President Kardashian could do a really good job if given the chance.

'''CHAOS:''' I don't care about politics, that stuff is lame and boring. I'm asking about the important stuff. Is Betty White still alive?

'''GARFIELD:''' I think so?

''{Chaos sighs in relief.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That is literally all I needed to know. Thank you.

'''GARFIELD:''' Things have gotten rather bad in the Pacific, however. The Democratic Elven Republic of North Syllahona has ramped up their threats against the human domain. I mean, they do this every year, but they have nuclear-...

'''CHAOS:''' Didn't I just say that I don't care about politics?

'''GARFIELD:''' My apologies.

''{Lex has finished his breakfast.}''

'''LEX:''' That was some good yums! Mmm mm! Really gets the blood flowin', ya?

''{Lex stands up from the table and does a few stretches.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Lex, wait!

'''LEX:''' Aye?

'''CHAOS:''' This is my first time in Townindale, and I figure that if I have to live here, I should get to see what's around, you know? Maybe I should come with you.

'''LEX:''' Ey mon, that's a great idea! I can show you all around the city, introduce you t'some of my friends, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah! And heck, even Garfield can come!

'''GARFIELD:''' Gonna take a pass on that, I'm afraid.

'''CHAOS:''' Why?

'''GARFIELD:''' Personally, I'd rather it be dark, or raining. I'm sure I could stomach the sun if distracted by a good conversation, though.

'''LEX:''' Garfield's not a huge fan of going out in the sun.

'''GARFIELD:''' Ultraviolet rays can give you cancer.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh please, everything gives you cancer nowadays. What's next? Smoking?

'''LEX:''' Hasn't that been proven for a while?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, if you're the liberal media. Pfft.

'''GARFIELD:''' But yeah, I will prefer to stay inside. Thank you for offering, though. Maybe in the future, though.

'''LEX:''' This gonna be awesome, mon! Are you ready to move your legs?

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, is running necessary?

'''LEX:''' Of course! How else are you gonna appreciate the city, if it ain't with the sun beamin' on ya, and the wind blowing through your air as you run!

'''CHAOS:''' Ugh, alright.

''{Lex and Chaos make their way to the door, but suddenly the room begins to shake.}''

'''CHAOS:''' What.. what is that?

''{A large and booming slavic-sounding voice can be heard bellowing from the corridor outside.}''

'''????:''' PIIIIIIERRRROGIES!!!

''{The door slams open, revealing a man, both incredibly tall and large in stature. He is incredibly muscular, with a perfectly shaved head and an exquisitely maintained moustache. He is wearing black pants and a white shirt with suspenders. In his hand is a plate of fresh pierogies.}''

'''LEX:''' Hey, Volkov!

'''VOLKOV:''' Privyet, Sasha! I heard zat new roommate is here, yes?

''{Volkov peers down at Chaos, who is slightly intimidated by the sight of the large man.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Uh, hello.

''{Chaos holds out his hand. Volkov smiles and grasps it incredibly firmly, causing it to make a cracking sound as Chaos grimaces past the pain.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Felix, I presume? Sasha told many tales about you. Jailbird, eh?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeeeeah, heh.

''{Volkov laughs while continuing to shake Chaos' hand, unaware of the pain he's causing him.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' In my country, being jailbird was easy. You just had to make fun of guy in charge, and suddenly you're in cage. We have it easy in US of A. You make fun of guy in charge, and people laugh!

''{Volkov lets go of Chaos' hand. Chaos pulls back and shakes the pain away.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I just want to say, I don't care about past. We all have pasts. It's all about present and future.

''{Volkov smiles and bows.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' I am Konstantin Volkov, owner of deli, and your landlord. I just wanted to say hello, and bring you welcoming gift.

'''CHAOS:''' Heh, thanks. Nice to meet you, Konstantin.

'''VOLKOV:''' Please. Call me Volkov. This is friendly building, we are all friends here. I just want you to know that you are welcome, and you are friend.

'''CHAOS:''' I, um, really appreciate it man.

'''VOLKOV:''' And it goes without saying that you are especially welcome downstairs, if you like pierogi. Of course do. You eat those pierogies, you'll be begging for more, haha!

'''CHAOS:''' Thank you, uh, um, Volkov.

'''VOLKOV:''' Anytime, Felix! Welcome to Townindale! Also, if you have any problem, please let Volkov know!

''{Volkov waves as he makes his way out of the room.}''

'''VOLKOV:''' Goodbye friends!

''{The three wave back.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Thanks for the pierogi, Konstantin!

''{The door closes.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. He's a friendly guy.

'''LEX:''' Oh ya, he's a card, he is. Great guy. Looks like he could tear a brick in half. Well, we should get going. I can't wait to show you the city!

'''CHAOS:''' Running. Yay. Is it too late to change my mind?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya it is. See ya, Garf!

''{Lex drags Chaos out of the apartment from his wrist as Garfield waves. The door closes behind them. Cut to the exterior of Katuysha's.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh wait, I have to get my wallet. Hold up for a sec.

''{Chaos and Lex walk around Katyusha's to the parking space behind it. Lex moves to the back of his ice cream truck and opens the rear doors. Inside the truck is a red BMX, in pristine condition. Lex crawls into the truck and searches around for a couple of seconds, before pulling out his wallet.}''

'''LEX:''' Ah, found it!

'''CHAOS:''' That's a sweet bike you have there.

'''LEX:''' I know right, mon? It's incredible!

'''CHAOS:''' When did you get it?

'''LEX:''' Not too long after you got arrested, ya? A kid agreed to trade it for all the paper I was holdin'. Dunno what he wanted all that paper for, hah.

''{Flashback to three years ago. Lex is walking down the road holding a massive sack of cash, as he notices a young teenage boy waxing his BMX.}''

'''LEX:''' Nice bike, kid!

'''KID:''' Thanks! Say, what's that you got?

''{The kid points to Lex's bag of cash.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh, this?

''{Lex puts the bag down and looks into it. He frowns.}''

'''LEX:''' It's a darn disappointment. I was expectin' it to be money.

'''KID:''' Ah, jeez. That's a shame. Lemme see.

''{The kid walks over and takes a look inside. His eyes widen at the sight of what's there.}''

'''KID:''' Um, this ''is'' money.

'''LEX:''' No it's not, it's paper.

''{The kid pulls out a wad of several $100 bills.}''

'''KID:''' Just paper?

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon. If it were money, it would be stuff like gold, and jewels, y'know?

'''KID:''' Are you for real?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon. Think of it this way. What exactly would be the point of assigning a monetary value to an item which costs probably less than a penny to make? There is absolutely no intrinsic value to this whatsoever. Real money is gold and jewels, items which do have intrinsic value, based simply on the fact that there is a finite supply in the world.

''{Lex picks up a wad of cash from the bag.}''

'''LEX:''' What do ya do if you run out of paper? Ya cut down another tree. Ya create more, y'know? Ya can't do that for gold. Why else would the Spanish place so much of their energy and resources into colonizing the New World, if not for the limited supplies of available gold in the Old World? Why are stories of folklore such as the Lost City of El Dorado so prominent in our culture, if not for the fact that gold and jewels are a scarcity? Have ya ever heard of a lost city made out of paper, mon?

'''KID:''' N-no...

'''LEX:''' Exactly. Because it would be silly. So the idea of assigning a value to paper is equally silly. Of course, ya could apply a value to the paper by claiming that it is backed by gold, but even that would be superficial at best. It's stupid. It's paper, and it's pointless, y'know?

'''KID:''' Uh...

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and back at the bag of cash.}''

'''KID:''' That bag looks, uh, rather heavy...

'''LEX:''' Like ya wouldn't believe, kiddo.

''{The kid looks back at his BMX, and then grins at Lex.}''

'''KID:''' Would you like to trade?

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Paper... paper... hmm.

''{Chaos looks down with a concerned look upon his face. He looks back at Lex.}''

'''CHAOS:''' ...So it was basically free?

'''LEX:''' Ya, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' ...Wow. Lucky you. Hah. I feel sorry for the poor sucker you got it from.

'''LEX:''' He seemed pretty happy about it. He said that his dad could finally get treatment, or whatever.

'''CHAOS:''' With paper?

'''LEX:''' Ya.

'''CHAOS:''' Wow. Odd, but... okay.

''{Lex and Chaos walk back to the front of Katyusha's.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Are we really gonna start running?

'''LEX:''' Hell ya we are. Are ya ready?

'''CHAOS:''' I've never been ready for exercise, if I'm being hon-...

''{Lex takes off, running.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, you son of a bitch!

''{Chaos runs after him. Cut to Lex, jogging merrily on the sidewalk, not at all breaking a sweat. Chaos comes from behind and matches his speed, however he is also breathing heavily with a red face.}''

'''LEX:''' Ey, nice ta see ya caught up!

'''CHAOS:''' No, ''{huff}'', help ''{huff}'', from ''{huff}'', you, ''{huff}'', asshole!

'''LEX:''' Don't worry mon, ya'll get used it!

''{Lex begins to run even faster. Chaos chases after him in an attempt to match his speed, causing him to sweat badly and breathe even heavier.}''

'''CHAOS:''' WHAT IS ''{huff}'' THIS??? ARE YOU ''{huff}'' TRYING ''{huff}'' TO KILL ''{huff}'' ME?

'''LEX:''' I'm going slow, mon!

'''CHAOS:''' FUCK YOU.

''{The two run, side-to-side, through the streets of Townindale. Finally, they reach the Downtown area of the city, represented by the Town Hall building and the large park in front of it. The two reach a nearby tree. Lex stops running, while Chaos crashes down to the ground in a massive pile of sweat. He hyperventilates as he tries to regain his bearings.}''

'''LEX:''' See, I told ya it wasn't that bad! How did it feel?

'''CHAOS:''' My... lungs... are... on... fire... ''{huff}''

''{Chaos picks himself up and dusts himself off. He wipes the sweat off his brow.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, that was too much. I need something to calm my lungs.

''{Chaos pulls a tobacco pipe from his pocket and takes a puff from it. He coughs loudly after inhaling, but then sighs in relief. The two begin to walk down Main Street.}''

'''CHAOS:''' That's much better. So, what is there to do around here?

''{Lex shrugs.}''

'''LEX:''' I'unno. Whatever folks do towntown, I guess?

'''CHAOS:''' Like... are there any wine bars? Vintage clothing stores? Cereal cafes?

'''LEX:''' C-cereal cafes?

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, man. Like, cafes where you go to eat cereal.

'''LEX:''' Can't you just go to the supermarket and eat some at home?

'''CHAOS:''' I mean, yeah, of course. But in a cereal cafe, you're paying for the experience.

'''LEX:''' Of eating cereal?

'''CHAOS:''' Exactly! Going to a friendly establishment where they serve you cereal and you eat it with friends. And like, you get to eat cereal from other countries too.

'''LEX:''' I'm sorry mon, but that just sounds stupid.

'''CHAOS:''' Nah nah, you don't get it. It's the experience. It's a little expensive, but you get the authentic experience of eating cereal with your peers.

'''LEX:''' It sounds kinda wasteful, y'know?

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, there's one in London. I mean, if something's in London, it's gotta be good, right?

'''LEX:''' It just sounds like dumb gentrification to me mo-...

''{The two stop in front of a cereal cafe, named "Surreal Cereals".}''

'''LEX:''' What.

'''CHAOS:''' HOLY SHIT THERE ACTUALLY IS ONE, OH MAN OH MAN OH MANNN.

''{Chaos runs through the doors, while Lex follows behind him, looking around in bewilderment. The cafe is small and minimalist in its style, looking more like a museum for modern art than a cafe. Sitting at the tables are young folk in streetwear, stereotypical hipster types, all on their smartphones. At the counter is a tall man with dirty blue hair, a fedora with a feather, a long coat, and a patchy goatee. He is wearing a nametag which says "Tracy". Behind him is a series of shelves with different boxes of cereal.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my gods, this is great!

'''LEX:''' I swear this place wasn't here last week...

''{The two walk up to the counter and are both greeted by Tracy, who smiles at them while looking rather dazed at the same time. He begins to speak in an accent similar to Dick Van Dyke's fake cockney accent in Mary Poppins.}''

'''TRACY:''' 'Ello there, lads. What can I get ya today?

'''LEX:''' Is this place for real?

''{Tracy looks around, and directly at Lex. He blinks. He does a double take as he looks around a second time.}''

'''TRACY:''' Looks pretty real to me, mate. I think.

''{Chaos is looking at the cereal on offer.}''

'''CHAOS:''' So... many... choices...

'''LEX:''' Ya, just a question, is this place new?

'''TRACY:''' Uh... gee. I think so? We opened like, last week and stuff. Yeah. I think.

''{Chaos points to a box on the top shelf.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh my god, Space Invaders! I haven't had that cereal since I was a kid!

'''TRACY:''' You want that, mate? A'ight, let me grab it.

''{Tracy shuffles to the shelf and picks up the box, bringing it to the counter. He pulls out a carton of milk from under the counter. He also pulls out a bowl.}''

'''TRACY:''' Do you want it in a bowl...

'''CHAOS:''' Well, of course I want it in a bowl, what else could cereal be served-...

''{Tracy pulls out a mason jar.}''

'''TRACY:''' Or a mason jar?

'''CHAOS:''' WAIT. YOU CAN EAT CEREAL FROM A MASON JAR?

'''LEX:''' Chaos, according to the menu, a mason jar is like four dollars extra. This place looks like a complete and total sca-...

''{Before Lex can finish his sentence, Chaos has handed Tracy his credit card. Tracy scans it on the cash register, and hands Chaos a mason jar with cereal, milk, and a spoon. Chaos grabs it and sits at the table with the young hipsters. Lex sits next to him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Gee, awful nice day we're having here.

''{There is no response. They all continue to look at their smartphones. Chaos turns to Lex, who shrugs.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Nice place to... y'know, eat cereal from a mason jar. Like the cool kids do.

''{The hipsters continue to ignore him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Huh. Tough crowd.

'''LEX:''' They're hipsters, mon. They're not ignoring ya, it's just that they have trouble noticing anyone who isn't in their age range.

'''CHAOS:''' What? I am so in their age range! I'm twenty-six years old!

'''LEX:''' Exactly, mon. Twenty-six to them, is like... forty.

'''CHAOS:''' Look, I'm still in with the kids. They just need to be spoken in a language that they understand. Watch and learn, ''homeslice.''

''{Chaos stands up and clears his throat, before addressing the hipsters in front of him.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, WHAZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAP, my PEEPS? Shit is mighty cray-cray around here, y'know? Fo sheezy and all that stuff? I see y'all chillaxin' and I was just wonderin' what some of the hip and cool things goin' around this joint are. This cereal cafe, damn dawg, it sure is buzzin, eh? Totally pwns the hell out of all the other cafes in this city...town.

''{One of the hipsters, a young asian male, looks up at Chaos with an expression of both bewilderment and disgust.}''

'''HIPSTER:''' If you wouldn't mind, we're all trying to have a conversation here.

'''CHAOS:''' What? You're not even saying anything!

''{The hipsters all raise their phones and show Chaos, revealing that they have been texting each other the whole time. On the screens feature texts such as "wtf is this creepy dude sitting here for????", along with meme images. Chaos is visibly upset by this.}''

'''CHAOS:''' This is bullshit, you guys are fuckin' losers anyway. I'm outta here. "G-T-G", nerds! C'mon, Lex.

''{Chaos frowns and turns around to leave. Lex shrugs at the hipsters as he turns to follow Chaos. Tracy calls out as they walk out of the door.}''

'''TRACY:''' You 'aven't even touched yer cereal! It costs an extra two quid if ya don't eat ya-

''{Before Tracy can finish his sentence, the door slams behind them.}''

'''TRACY:''' Jeez.

'''HIPSTER:''' What a poser.

''{The hipsters all chuckle slightly before reverting back to their original smartphone forms. Cut to the exterior of the cafe.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I don't get it, Lex! I used to be hip and cool with the young people! I am to be a young people! I don't get what I did wrong. I tried to speak their language and everything!

'''LEX:''' Um, nobody says any of that stuff anymore, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' They don't?

'''LEX:''' Nah. Heck, half of those things ya said were outdated before ya even went to jail.

'''CHAOS:''' R-really?

'''LEX:''' Ya mon.

'''CHAOS:''' So... I didn't sound cool?

'''LEX:''' Sorry to say it mon, but ya sounded kinda ridiculous. And this is comin' from a white Jamaican dude, ya?

'''CHAOS:''' What do the young people say and do nowadays? I need to know, man. I can't stand the idea of not being top of the curve. I need to show them that I'm still hip!

'''LEX:''' Ya can start by not sayin' "the young people". But, I don't even know, I never really followed that stuff. I think they use memes? And dabbing?

'''CHAOS:''' What's a dab?

'''LEX:''' It's one of those things where- hold on, I'll just show ya.

''{Lex performs a dab.}''

'''LEX:''' Like that.

'''CHAOS:''' Lex. That's a Nazi salute. What you did was just a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah man, it's like a sneeze. A fashionable sneeze.

'''CHAOS:''' It's a Nazi salute.

'''LEX:''' Nah, I'm serious! Look, I'll show ya some videos when we get home.

'''CHAOS:''' I suppose watching what the young people do would definitely make me more well-versed in what they do.

'''LEX:''' Stop callin' them the young people!

'''CHAOS:''' Right, right, yeah, okay, whatever!

''{The two carry on their walk down the street, until the two are caught off-guard by a young Drow male on rollerskates, who out of nowhere runs into Chaos by accident, before tripping over himself and falling face-first onto the ground, dropping several papers in the process. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates the Drow, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, the drow looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''????:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-...

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''????:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Elsewhere a similar looking Drow male with flowing hair and a nice suit is playing DDRMAX 6thMix perfectly}''

'''????:''' ''{singing along}''Flash in the night! It's the light! Shining from your body...

''{Cut back to Lex and Chaos with the strange drow}''

'''????:''' Aw, he's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

'''LEX:''' Why'd he just stare at us wide eyed for sec?

'''CHAOS:''' Hah, he's probably on drugs. Whatever, man. I wanna go home.

'''LEX:''' But... we literally only went to a cafe! That's hardly me showin' ya around a city, don't ya think?

'''CHAOS:''' Look man, after facing the shame and humilation I did from those fresh and funky teens, I don't wanna go anywhere until I am one-hundred percent swaggin'.

'''LEX:''' Oh... okay.

''{Cut back to the apartment. Garfield is watching an old monster movie on TV while holding two monster figurines and having them fight each other to the scenes shown on television, while making noises with his mouth. Surrounding him are various other action figures.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Rawr, Queen Longying reigns surpreme over the Monster Kingdom! Only her illegitimate son, Prince Daolong, can stop her! Yarr!!!!

''{The door opens as Lex and Chaos enter the room.}''

'''LEX:''' Garf, we're hoooooome!

''{Chaos crawls over to the couch, looking exhausted.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh man, I am pooped. What a long day. I could go for a nap right about now.

'''GARFIELD:''' Um, you were only out for just over an hour and a half. It's still morning.

'''CHAOS:''' Hey, I had a really stressful and traumatizing experience, alright? Some kids think that I am uncool!

'''GARFIELD:''' Oh my indeed, that is definitely stressful.

'''LEX:''' I don' get why ya care so much!

'''CHAOS:''' How am I supposed to do anything useful if I don't fit in?

''{Garfield and Lex look at each other, then back at Chaos. They both shrug.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I've tried fitting in countless times, and I can tell you it's not worth it.

'''CHAOS:''' Like I need tips from a guy who wastes money on luxury items when HE COULD SINGLE-HANDEDLY BUY US ACTUALLY-SUITABLE REAL ESTATE.

''{Garfield frowns.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Lex and I... we almost bought a house once. We just frankly didn't have the dough to cough up, owing to our mutually high standards.

'''LEX:''' This apartment is literally all we need, mon.

'''CHAOS:''' WE. NEED. ''MORE.''

''{Short pause.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I shall exile myself from this conversation.

'''LEX:''' Garf, you're doin' no wrong.

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, he's ''very'' much in the wrong here. IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME ON AUCTIONS, THEN-

''{Garfield punches Chaos in the face, knocking him out straight cold.}''

'''LEX:''' I... I think that was excessive, mon.

'''GARFIELD:''' This is generous, compared to the intrusive thoughts swirling in my skull. He shall be spared my wrath, under the premise that we never have this topic come up again.

''{Garfield attempts to carry Chaos' body, over to the couch. Lex assists him.}''

'''LEX:''' We should probably get somethin' from Chief Beef's. I'm hungry, at least.

'''GARFIELD:''' I can conjure up a steak recipe from there, though let me get my sunscreen.

''{They each split off. The camera zooms on Chaos' unconscious body slowly, then fades to black.}''

Wikihood/eps/4

2018-05-10T04:37:09Z

Remolay:

==Summary==
Instead of getting a job, Chaos gets the bright idea of returning to crime. Leigh manages to keep his job.

==Transcript==
''{Open to Leigh's apartment at 6:00AM. His alarm clock begins to buzz. Leigh wakes up, looking groggy and squinting. He looks at the alarm, and peels the bedsheets off. He sits at the edge of the bed and looks at his phone. Cut to a shot of his phone, showing several new texts from Jules. One of them reads "awesum night, fam!", accompanied by a selfie of the two, looking obviously drunk and grinning widely. Leigh chuckles at the picture.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Look at that. I made a new friend and got a new job.

''{Leigh winces as he grabs his forehead in pain.}''

'''LEIGH:''' And I made the wise choice to drink the night before. Go me.

''{Leigh gets up from his bed and shuffles over to the 90s stereo that's on his dresser. He presses the radio button. The radio announcer sounds exactly like someone doing a Robin Williams impression, but not getting it quite right.}''

'''RADIO ANNOUNCER:''' GOOOOOD MORRRRNIN' TOWNINDALE, I'M YOUR HOST, WILLIAM ROBINS, AND YOU ARE LISTENING TO HOLLYWOOD RADIO, THE ONLY STATION WHERE THE STARS PLAY THE HITS! We're gonna start this morning off with a 90s classic. We got ourselves some BRIIIIITNEY SPEARS! HIT IT!

''{Leigh strikes a pose as the first few notes of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBq3Cjpt2YM ...Baby One More Time] begin to play. He swags over to his bathroom. Cut to his top half in the shower, where he's mouthing along to the lyrics with his eyes closed, grooving hard to the song. Pan out to an above shot of the wigmaker's shop. As the chorus of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" plays, the Wikihood logo appears, and we pan to the front room of Chaos, Lex, and Garfield's apartment. Lex and Garfield are getting ready for work, while Chaos is sitting on the couch in his pyjamas, watching the morning news and eating from a tub of ice cream. Lex approaches Garfield, holding two ties.}''

'''LEX:''' Yo, Garf. Which tie should I wear today? Should I go for the piano tie, or the tie with martian decorations?

''{Garfield strokes his chin.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hm, good question. I think the piano tie would be good to show that you're a carefree individual, but the martian decorations are definitely endearing too, albeit in a less professional manner. What do you want to achieve? Are you trying to show that you mean business, or are you just trying to show customers that you're here for a good time?

'''LEX:''' I 'unno mon. I just like these ties.

'''GARFIELD:''' I know what to do. Wear both at the same time. Or wear one around your neck, and one around your head like you're trying to be Rambo.

'''LEX:''' ...Y'know, on second thoughts, I'm gonna go with a red tie.

''{Lex walks back to his room. Chaos looks back at the kitchen from the couch.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I think you should wear the martian-... Oh. He's gone. Damn it.

'''GARFIELD:''' Aren't you going to get ready for your job too, Felix?

'''CHAOS:''' ...What job?

'''GARFIELD:''' You still haven't gotten a job yet?

'''CHAOS:''' Well, I tried to get me an executive position but no matter how smooth I talked they wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius. They said "We got all that we can use".

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, I get it. You don't have a job. You don't have to make fun of me.

'''CHAOS:''' Make fun of you?

'''GARFIELD:''' You're kidding.

'''CHAOS:''' Of course not I'm not kidding! You ask me, they don't know what they're missing.

'''GARFIELD:''' Hmm, maybe you should try for a car wash?

'''CHAOS:''' Hell no, I know exactly what I'm going to do, and all I need is this.

''{Chaos pulls a Ski mask out of nowhere. Garfield looks down at the mask and back at Chaos, incredibly puzzled.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' In the middle of summer?

'''CHAOS''' Um... Yes?

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, good luck I guess.

'''CHAOS:''' Thanks Garf, but I don't need luck. This will be pure skill. Well, off to the Ski shop.

''{Chaos leaves as Lex re-enters the room wearing a tie with a picture of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, and John Malkovich on it}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I thought you were going to wear a red tie.

'''LEX:''' Ya mon, It's my favorite Bruce Willis movie.

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, it sounds like Felix is going to take up professional skiing.

'''LEX:''' Really? Good for him, He'll get some use out of his old ski mask.

''{Short pause}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...wait, it's the ''summer.''

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon.

''{Garfield gets several ties; he wears a red tie around his forehead, then wears a cyan dragon-themed tie around his neck, then wears one orange tie around his left wrist and one purple tie around his right wrist.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Time to get paralegal.

''{Lex checks his watch.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh man, time to head off to work! Care to join me, Garf?

'''GARFIELD:''' I can't, I'm sorry. I have an extra long shift at the lab. We got a shipment of Orkneyan Snappers. We're currently trying to breed a new type which is resistant to the cold and snow.

'''LEX:''' A.. what?

'''GARFIELD:''' They're like Venus Flytraps, only they're slightly bigger, and they're slightly more deadly. They are also an amazing delicacy to the Orcish people, who, ironically, ''don't'' from the Orkney Islands, despite the name. So yeah, we're manufacturing a superfood for Orcs. How about you?

'''LEX:''' I'm jus' workin' a shift at the Mattress Warehouse. By myself. For eight hours. Well. I'll see ya, mon!

''{Lex scoots out of the door. Garfield shrugs before putting his labcoat on.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' My coworkers will love my new fashion.

''{Cut to Leigh on his first day at the job. He enters the ominously evil building, to be immediately greeted by Jacqueline Rosenberg at the ground floor.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Greetings, Mr. More. I see you're here right on time. I'm almost impressed.

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, of course! Nothing's gonna stop me from doing this job, Mrs. Rosenberg!

'''JACQUELINE:''' It's "Miss," thank you very much.

'''LEIGH:''' I'm sorry, ''Miss'' Rosenberg, I j-just assumed-...

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, don't. Assumption is the mother of all eff-ups.

''{Jacqueline's face contorts into an obviously-fake smile.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Anyway, shall I show you to your office?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes, please!

''{Jacqueline leads Leigh to the elevator. As the doors are beginning to close, Jules can be seen, attempting to catch it before it's too late. He is too late. Leigh is about to press the button on the panel to open the doors, but Jacqueline instinctively moves his hand away.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' First lesson, Mr. More. You cannot do things for other people. If they cannot help themselves, it is their responsibility, and not yours. My nephew can wait for the next elevator.

''{Jacqueline presses the button for floor thirteen. As the elevator moves upward, there is an awkward silence. Leigh tries to break the silence.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Gee, haha. Remember when elevators had music? That was wacky, huh?

''{Jacqueline does not answer. She does not even acknowledge what Leigh said. Finally, the elevator lands at its destination and the doors open, revealing a large and soul-suckingly depressing room with individual cubicles.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Follow me, please.

''{Jacqueline leads Leigh to a cubicle at the far end of the room, next to a window. On the opposite side of the cubicle, a large Orc of 7'2'' is seated at his computer. His large size dwarves the environment around him. Jacqueline points to an empty chair at a computer.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' This is where you shall be working, and this... man here is one of your coworkers. If you have any inquiries, please do hesitate to contact me.

'''LEIGH:''' What did you say?

'''JACQUELINE:''' I said, please ''don't'' hesitate to contact me.

''{Jacqueline's fake smile fades as she walks away, leaving Leigh alone with his new coworker. The Orcish man turns his chair around to face Leigh, who is immediately intimidated by his large size. The Orc flashes a toothy smile and puts out his hand for Leigh to shake. Leigh reluctantly puts his hand forward, expecting it to be crushed. To his surprise, it is delicately shaken. The Orc begins to speak, revealing himself to have a thick Scottish accent.}''

'''ORC:''' Anither non-human, finally!

'''LEIGH:''' Y-you have me mistaken, I-I'm human, I-

'''ORC:''' Me name's Gronuruwd Gorehammer, be ye' can call me Gordon! Y'know how refreshin' it is t'see another non-human arund 'ere? I like this job, but the facilities are a bit too wee, y'know? What's ya name?

'''LEIGH:''' My name's Leigh More, and I-

'''GORDON:''' Claymore, y'say? That's a badass Drow name if I ever 'eard one. Y'know what? I think we're gonna get along swimmingly. Ya new in town?

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I originally come from-

'''GORDON:''' I come from Glasgow, me'self. Well, wee little town in th' greater part, called Bishopbriggs. Y'heard of it? Ya, me and me' folks were th'only non-'umans. Needless t'say, I was picked first in every sport, regardless of whether or not I was actually good at them, y'know? Any similar experiences?

'''LEIGH:''' I get a lot of people mistakening my species, it's rather frustrating how-

'''GORDON:''' Aye, it's a frustratin' experience. Most humans mean well, but ye' can't 'elp but think they see ye as the other. And bein' an Orc in a human society, all me' cuzzins' used t'jokingly call me "Gronuruwd the Human Boy." Just because I dinnae live in a hut, y'know? Ah. But don't ye' worry y'some, I understand ye. This was a good conversation, aye?

'''LEIGH:''' Uh...

'''GORDON:''' But I gottae get back t'work. You know what t'do, eh?

''{Cut to Chaos, walking downtown with a ski mask in his hand.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Alright, alright, alright. I'm gonna hit the jackpot tonight.

''{Chaos shoves his ski mask into his back pocket and enters a shop called "Skied off". He starts casing the joint, making note of security cameras and other things people make note of when casing a joint. An employee spots his ski mask in his back pocket and approaches him.}''

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Excuse me sir, may I see that ski mask?

''{Chaos is surprised by the employee and nervously turns to face him}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, uh, that ol' thing? I've had that for years.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Oh, believe me, I can tell. From just a glance I can tell you that ski mask in your pocket is so three years ago. Clearly you must be in the market for a new one.

'''CHAOS:''' No, no. I'm just browsing.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Nonsense my good man, you clearly need some new gear. And if you need a new mask, you need a new everything. Now let's take a look at that mask

''{The employee already has the mask in his hand. He is diligently looking over it}''

'''CHAOS:''' How did you-

'''EMPLOYEE:''' A lil' bandit ski mask, ironically not small, nor for thefts. I heard a guy got caught trying to rob a casino with one of these a few years back.

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, funny that.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' I know just what you need.

''{The employee crumples Chaos' mask in his hands, and when he opens his hands he is holding a brand new ski-mask}''

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Behold: The Mask. Minimalistic design at extravagant prices.

'''CHAOS:''' It looks exactly the same.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Ah, but that's where you're wrong, my good man. It's simply a better mask. I assure you it will be like no other mask you have ever worn. Why, just try it on!

''{The mask has seemingly disappeared from the employees hands as a close up of his hands are shown}''

'''CHAOS:''' Where'd it go?

'''EMPLOYEE:''' You're already wearing it, my dear boy!

''{Cut back to the two as chaos quickly puts his hands to his face several times}''

'''CHAOS:''' Holy shit! You... It feels really nice actually.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Of course it does, it's just so perfectly you, don't you agree? Of course you do. Now, I simply can't let you walk away with just The Mask, a man like you needs a whole new set of gear. Follow me.

''{The two men go through the store as different items from the different sections seemingly put themselves in Chaos's hands. Cut to afterward as Chaos is done shopping, ready to leave}''

'''CHAOS:''' Well, thank you for everything, but what happened to my old mask?

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Check your back pocket.

''{Chaos checks his back pocket to find his old ski mask there, where it was when he started. His eyes go wide as his mind is blown.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh shiiiiiiiit...

''{Meanwhile, at the Mattress Warehouse. Lex is sitting alone at a cashier booth near the entrance of the shop. "Human Nature" by Michael Jackson is echoing through the intercom and Lex is humming along to it. Zoom out to reveal that the shop is absolutely massive and practically empty, save for several mattress displays. Lex is the only person in this gigantic building. Zoom out even further to reveal that the store is sitting in a vacant part of the city outskirts.}''

''{Cut to a high-tech laboratory. Garfield is casually analyzing DNA samples on a computer. Behind him is a scene of carnage, as scientists are engaged in battle against a horde of giant Venus Flytraps which are hellbent on devouring them.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' This is why you shouldn't have let them out of the cage, Jerry!

''{The scientist (looking similar to Jerry Lewis) responds to Garfield.}''

'''JERRY:''' How was I supposed to know that they had developed a taste for human flesh?

'''GARFIELD:''' Have you never seen Little Shop of Horrors?

'''JERRY:''' But they're aliens, Garfield!

'''GARFIELD:''' It's the same principle!

''{Garfield sighs.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hold on, I can do this. Just give me a second!

''{Garfield pours some colored vials of liquid into a machine while he types on the computer. After a couple of seconds, the machine makes a "ding" sound, and it pours out a glowing green liquid into a cup. Garfield transfers the green liquid into an aerosol spray and puts goggles on. He strolls over to a scene of a plant in the middle of devouring a scientist and sprays it with the formula. The plant freezes and spits the scientist out, who emerges alive and well. He sprays the formula all around the laboratory, prompting the plants to cease their attacks on the scientists and become docile. He then gently leads the plants back into their cages and goes back to his computer.}''

''{Cut to Leigh, who is taking a phone call.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Okay, so if I am getting this right, you would like the Rosenberg Association to support your candidate's campaign by allowing the use of the event room to launch it, correct?

''{Mumbling on the other side of the phone as Leigh hums in approval.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Mmmhmm, okay, mmhmm. Okay, I just need to send a memo to the CEO...

''{Leigh types on the keyboard a few times and clicks the mouse. More mumbling on the end of the line.}''

'''LEIGH:''' An endorsement? Oh my, I um, you might need to ask her directly.

''{Continued mumbling.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh, okay. I can definitely do that. What's your name, again?

''{Short mumbling.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Stephanie? Alright. I've got it, and it's about to be sent. Do you want me to include your contact details?

''{Mumble.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh, okay. That makes sense. Alright, it's sent. Anything else?

''{One final mumble.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Great! Alright, and you have a good day too.

''{Leigh puts the phone down. He shuts his eyes for a moment and exhales in relief}''

'''LEIGH:''' There is no script for when I have to TAKE a call...

''{He opens his eyes only to find Gordon, who has rolled his chair right next to him and was in his face the entire time. He is freaked out and screams.}''

'''LEIGH:''' WHOA. Hey there, Gordon.

'''GORDON:''' How was it? That sounded like an important 'un!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh, haha, yeah. Some politician wants to use this building to launch an election campaign.

'''GORDON:''' Ay, that sounds excitin'! First day on th'job, and ye already did somethin' cool!

''{Leigh laughs awkwardly as he scratches his head.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Y-yeah, haha.

''{Suddenly, Leigh has been flanked as Jules appears on his other side, wearing sunglasses.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh, Jules! What are you doi-

'''JULES:''' Shh. You're still on the clock.

''{Five seconds of silence. Suddenly, a beeping sound.}'''

'''JULES:''' AND NOW IT'S TIIIME TO CLOCK OUT, AND TIME TO HIT THE BAR WITH YOUR BUDDY, JULES!

'''LEIGH:''' I was... actually hoping to go home and take a nap...

'''JULES:''' Pfft, a nap? What is this, pre-school? Legends never sleep!

'''GORDON:''' Ey, aren't ye' the boss's nephew?

'''JULES:''' Why, yes I am! Aren't you that wrestler?

'''GORDON:''' No?

'''JULES:''' ...Oh. Wanna go drinking with us?

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, I didn't agree to-

'''GORDON:''' Oi, y'betcha! The San Cristobal Conquistadors are playing a game against the Giants!

'''JULES:''' Oh shit, no way? Won't this be Theros Torcan's first proper game since his comeback, too?

'''GORDON:''' Ye!

'''JULES:''' Fuck yes, we are DOING THIS.

'''LEIGH:''' Um, go sports team?

''{Gordon and Jules grab Leigh by one arm each, and drag him offscreen.}''

Wikihood/characters/Jules Rosenberg

2018-05-10T03:52:19Z

Remolay: All aboard the train to dumbfuck junction, Population: Spike

==Basic Info==
'''Hiram Julius "Jules" Rosenberg''' is the son of Frank Rosenberg, a businessman and member of the influential and wealthy Rosenberg family with a penchant for cigar smoking. Grandnephew to patriarch James Rosenberg, Jules isn't the heir to the Rosenberg throne, but he still enjoys the wealth and fame the connection to the family gives him. Jules is a world traveler and a trendsetter, or at least he thinks he is. Jules spends most of his time pulling possibly illegal stunts with his friends, spending money on shit he doesn't need, and not working. Jules listens exclusively to hip hop, and he may or may not think he is a black man. He dresses like a homeless gangbanger, but the expensive jewelry and Giorgio Armani sunglasses give away his true background. Jules thinks he is immortal, but that claim has not been fully tested.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: Hiram Julius "Jules" Rosenberg
*Gender: Male
*Age: 19
*Birth Date: December 5th
*Birth Place: ???
*Currently Living In: ???
*Species: Human
*Ethnicity / Race: Caucasian
*Citizenship: American
*Religion / Beliefs: Judaism
*Height: 6'1"
*Build: Ottermode
*Eyes: Brown
*Skin Color: Slightly Tanned
*Hair Color: Dirty Blonde

==Theme Song==

{{YouTube|eBShN8qT4lk}}

'''Beastie Boys''' - (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

Wikihood/characters/Jules Rosenberg

2018-05-10T03:51:46Z

Remolay:

==Basic Info==
'''Hiram Julius "Jules" Rosenberg''' is the son of Frank Rosenberg, a businessman and member of the influential and wealthy Rosenberg family with a penchant for cigar smoking. Grandnephew to patriarch James Rosenberg, Jules isn't the heir to the Rosenberg throne, but he still enjoys the wealth and fame the connection to the family gives him. Jules is a world traveler and a trendsetter, or at least he thinks he is. Jules spends most of his time pulling possibly illegal stunts with his friends, spending money on shit he doesn't need, and not working. Jules listens exclusively to hip hop, and he may or may not think he is a black man. He dresses like a homeless gangbanger, but the expensive jewelry and Giorgio Armani sunglasses give away his true background. Jules thinks he is immortal, but that claim has not been fully tested.

== Descriptive Information ==
*Full Name: Hiram Julius "Jules" Rosenberg
*Gender: Male
*Age: 19
*Birth Date: December 5th
*Birth Place: ???
*Currently Living In: ???
*Species: Human
*Ethnicity / Race: Caucasian
*Citizenship: American
*Religion / Beliefs: Judaism
*Height: 6'1"
*Build: Ottermode
*Eyes: Brown
*Skin Color: Slightly Tanned
*Hair Color: Dirty Blonde

==Theme Song

{{YouTube|eBShN8qT4lk}}

'''Beastie Boys''' - (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

Wikihood/eps/4

2018-05-10T03:20:14Z

Remolay:

==Summary==
Instead of getting a job, Chaos gets the bright idea of returning to crime. Leigh manages to keep his job.

==Transcript==
''{Open to Leigh's apartment at 6:00AM. His alarm clock begins to buzz. Leigh wakes up, looking groggy and squinting. He looks at the alarm, and peels the bedsheets off. He sits at the edge of the bed and looks at his phone. Cut to a shot of his phone, showing several new texts from Jules. One of them reads "awesum night, fam!", accompanied by a selfie of the two, looking obviously drunk and grinning widely. Leigh chuckles at the picture.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Look at that. I made a new friend and got a new job.

''{Leigh winces as he grabs his forehead in pain.}''

'''LEIGH:''' And I made the wise choice to drink the night before. Go me.

''{Leigh gets up from his bed and shuffles over to the 90s stereo that's on his dresser. He presses the radio button. The radio announcer sounds exactly like someone doing a Robin Williams impression, but not getting it quite right.}''

'''RADIO ANNOUNCER:''' GOOOOOD MORRRRNIN' TOWNINDALE, I'M YOUR HOST, WILLIAM ROBINS, AND YOU ARE LISTENING TO HOLLYWOOD RADIO, THE ONLY STATION WHERE THE STARS PLAY THE HITS! We're gonna start this morning off with a 90s classic. We got ourselves some BRIIIIITNEY SPEARS! HIT IT!

''{Leigh strikes a pose as the first few notes of [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBq3Cjpt2YM ...Baby One More Time] begin to play. He swags over to his bathroom. Cut to his top half in the shower, where he's mouthing along to the lyrics with his eyes closed, grooving hard to the song. Pan out to an above shot of the wigmaker's shop. As the chorus of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time" plays, the Wikihood logo appears, and we pan to the front room of Chaos, Lex, and Garfield's apartment. Lex and Garfield are getting ready for work, while Chaos is sitting on the couch in his pyjamas, watching the morning news and eating from a tub of ice cream. Lex approaches Garfield, holding two ties.}''

'''LEX:''' Yo, Garf. Which tie should I wear today? Should I go for the piano tie, or the tie with martian decorations?

''{Garfield strokes his chin.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Hm, good question. I think the piano tie would be good to show that you're a carefree individual, but the martian decorations are definitely endearing too, albeit in a less professional manner. What do you want to achieve? Are you trying to show that you mean business, or are you just trying to show customers that you're here for a good time?

'''LEX:''' I 'unno mon. I just like these ties.

'''GARFIELD:''' I know what to do. Wear both at the same time. Or wear one around your neck, and one around your head like you're trying to be Rambo.

'''LEX:''' ...Y'know, on second thoughts, I'm gonna go with a red tie.

''{Lex walks back to his room. Chaos looks back at the kitchen from the couch.}''

'''CHAOS:''' I think you should wear the martian-... Oh. He's gone. Damn it.

'''GARFIELD:''' Aren't you going to get ready for your job too, Felix?

'''CHAOS:''' ...What job?

'''GARFIELD:''' You still haven't gotten a job yet?

'''CHAOS:''' Well, I tried to get me an executive position but no matter how smooth I talked they wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius. They said "We got all that we can use".

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, I get it. You don't have a job. You don't have to make fun of me.

'''CHAOS:''' Make fun of you?

'''GARFIELD:''' You're kidding.

'''CHAOS:''' Of course not I'm not kidding! You ask me, they don't know what they're missing.

'''GARFIELD:''' Hmm, maybe you should try for a car wash?

'''CHAOS:''' Hell no, I know exactly what I'm going to do, and all I need is this.

''{Chaos pulls a Ski mask out of nowhere. Garfield looks down at the mask and back at Chaos, incredibly puzzled.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' In the middle of summer?

'''CHAOS''' Um... Yes?

'''GARFIELD:''' Okay, good luck I guess.

'''CHAOS:''' Thanks Garf, but I don't need luck. This will be pure skill. Well, off to the Ski shop.

''{Chaos leaves as Lex re-enters the room wearing a tie with a picture of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, and John Malkovich on it}''

'''GARFIELD:''' I thought you were going to wear a red tie.

'''LEX:''' Ya mon, It's my favorite Bruce Willis movie.

'''GARFIELD:''' Well, it sounds like Felix is going to take up professional skiing.

'''LEX:''' Really? Good for him, He'll get some use out of his old ski mask.

''{Short pause}''

'''GARFIELD:''' ...wait, it's the ''summer.''

'''LEX:''' Yeah, mon.

''{Garfield gets several ties; he wears a red tie around his forehead, then wears a cyan dragon-themed tie around his neck, then wears one orange tie around his left wrist and one purple tie around his right wrist.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' Time to get paralegal.

''{Lex checks his watch.}''

'''LEX:''' Oh man, time to head off to work! Care to join me, Garf?

'''GARFIELD:''' I can't, I'm sorry. I have an extra long shift at the lab. We got a shipment of Orkneyan Snappers. We're currently trying to breed a new type which is resistant to the cold and snow.

'''LEX:''' A.. what?

'''GARFIELD:''' They're like Venus Flytraps, only they're slightly bigger, and they're slightly more deadly. They are also an amazing delicacy to the Orcish people, who, ironically, ''don't'' from the Orkney Islands, despite the name. So yeah, we're manufacturing a superfood for Orcs. How about you?

'''LEX:''' I'm jus' workin' a shift at the Mattress Warehouse. By myself. For eight hours. Well. I'll see ya, mon!

''{Lex scoots out of the door. Garfield shrugs before putting his labcoat on.}''

'''GARFIELD:''' My coworkers will love my new fashion.

''{Cut to Leigh on his first day at the job. He enters the ominously evil building, to be immediately greeted by Jacqueline Rosenberg at the ground floor.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Greetings, Mr. More. I see you're here right on time. I'm almost impressed.

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, of course! Nothing's gonna stop me from doing this job, Mrs. Rosenberg!

'''JACQUELINE:''' It's "Miss," thank you very much.

'''LEIGH:''' I'm sorry, ''Miss'' Rosenberg, I j-just assumed-...

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, don't. Assumption is the mother of all eff-ups.

''{Jacqueline's face contorts into an obviously-fake smile.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Anyway, shall I show you to your office?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes, please!

''{Jacqueline leads Leigh to the elevator. As the doors are beginning to close, Jules can be seen, attempting to catch it before it's too late. He is too late. Leigh is about to press the button on the panel to open the doors, but Jacqueline instinctively moves his hand away.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' First lesson, Mr. More. You cannot do things for other people. If they cannot help themselves, it is their responsibility, and not yours. My nephew can wait for the next elevator.

''{Jacqueline presses the button for floor thirteen. As the elevator moves upward, there is an awkward silence. Leigh tries to break the silence.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Gee, haha. Remember when elevators had music? That was wacky, huh?

''{Jacqueline does not answer. She does not even acknowledge what Leigh said. Finally, the elevator lands at its destination and the doors open, revealing a large and soul-suckingly depressing room with individual cubicles.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Follow me, please.

''{Jacqueline leads Leigh to a cubicle at the far end of the room, next to a window. On the opposite side of the cubicle, a large Orc of 7'2'' is seated at his computer. His large size dwarves the environment around him. Jacqueline points to an empty chair at a computer.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' This is where you shall be working, and this... man here is one of your coworkers. If you have any inquiries, please do hesitate to contact me.

'''LEIGH:''' What did you say?

'''JACQUELINE:''' I said, please ''don't'' hesitate to contact me.

''{Jacqueline's fake smile fades as she walks away, leaving Leigh alone with his new coworker. The Orcish man turns his chair around to face Leigh, who is immediately intimidated by his large size. The Orc flashes a toothy smile and puts out his hand for Leigh to shake. Leigh reluctantly puts his hand forward, expecting it to be crushed. To his surprise, it is delicately shaken. The Orc begins to speak, revealing himself to have a thick Scottish accent.}''

'''ORC:''' Anither non-human, finally!

'''LEIGH:''' Y-you have me mistaken, I-I'm human, I-

'''ORC:''' Me name's Gronuruwd Gorehammer, be ye' can call me Gordon! Y'know how refreshin' it is t'see another non-human arund 'ere? I like this job, but the facilities are a bit too wee, y'know? What's ya name?

'''LEIGH:''' My name's Leigh More, and I-

'''GORDON:''' Claymore, y'say? That's a badass Drow name if I ever 'eard one. Y'know what? I think we're gonna get along swimmingly. Ya new in town?

'''LEIGH:''' Well, I originally come from-

'''GORDON:''' I come from Glasgow, me'self. Well, wee little town in th' greater part, called Bishopbriggs. Y'heard of it? Ya, me and me' folks were th'only non-'umans. Needless t'say, I was picked first in every sport, regardless of whether or not I was actually good at them, y'know? Any similar experiences?

'''LEIGH:''' I get a lot of people mistakening my species, it's rather frustrating how-

'''GORDON:''' Aye, it's a frustratin' experience. Most humans mean well, but ye' can't 'elp but think they see ye as the other. And bein' an Orc in a human society, all me' cuzzins' used t'jokingly call me "Gronuruwd the Human Boy." Just because I dinnae live in a hut, y'know? Ah. But don't ye' worry y'some, I understand ye. This was a good conversation, aye?

'''LEIGH:''' Uh...

'''GORDON:''' But I gottae get back t'work. You know what t'do, eh?

''{Cut to Chaos, walking downtown with a ski mask in his hand.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Alright, alright, alright. I'm gonna hit the jackpot tonight.

''{Chaos shoves his ski mask into his back pocket and enters a shop called "Skied off". He starts casing the joint, making note of security cameras and other things people make note of when casing a joint. An employee spots his ski mask in his back pocket and approaches him.}''

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Excuse me sir, may I see that ski mask?

''{Chaos is surprised by the employee and nervously turns to face him}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh, uh, that ol' thing? I've had that for years.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Oh believe me, I can tell. From just a glance I can tell you that ski mask in your pocket is so three years ago. Clearly you must be in the market for a new one.

'''CHAOS:''' No, no. I'm just browsing.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Nonsense my good man, you clearly need some new gear. And if you need a new mask, you need a new everything. Now let's take a look at that mask

''{The employee already has the mask in his hand. He is diligintly looking over it}''

'''CHAOS:''' How did you-

'''EMPLOYEE:''' A lil' bandit ski mask, ironically not small, nor for thefts. I heard a guy got caught trying to rob a casino with one of these a few years back.

'''CHAOS:''' Yeah, funny that.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' I know just what you need.

''{The employee crumples Chaos' mask in his hands, and when he opens his hands he is holding a brand new ski-mask}''

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Behold: The Mask. Minimalistic design at extravegent prices.

'''CHAOS:''' It looks exactly the same.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Ah, but that's where you're wrong, my good man. It's simply a better mask. I assure you it will be like no other mask you have ever worn. Why, just try it on!

''{The mask has seemingly disappeared from the employees hands as a close up of his hands are shown}''

'''CHAOS:''' Where'd it go?

'''EMPLOYEE:''' You're already wearing it, my dear boy!

''{Cut back to the two as chaos quickly puts his hands to his face several times}''

'''CHAOS:''' Holy shit! You... It feels really nice actually.

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Of course it does, it's just so perfectly you, don't you agree? Of course you do. Now, I simply can't let you walk away with just The Mask, a man like you needs a whole new set of gear. Follow me.

''{The two men go through the store as different items from the different sections seemingly put themselves in Chaos's hands. Cut to afterward as Chaos is done shopping, ready to leave}''

'''CHAOS:''' Well, thank you for everything, but what happened to my old mask?

'''EMPLOYEE:''' Check your back pocket.

''{Chaos checks his back pocket to find his old ski mask there, where it was when he started. His eyes go wide as his mind is blown.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Oh shiiiiiiiit...

Wikihood/eps/4

2018-05-09T01:59:29Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/eps/4

2018-05-07T06:19:02Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/Soundtrack

2018-05-06T06:05:11Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-05-06T04:21:24Z

Remolay:

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-05-04T06:44:07Z

Remolay:

==Summary==
Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

==Transcript==
''{Open on a cellphone ringing with a midi rendition of the "No More Brothers" remix of "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury. It sounds awful. Leigh wakes up with a quick yelp and answers the phone. He has a full head of hair of glorious silver hair.}''

'''LEIGH:''' You've reached the house of the... Screw it I can't be arsed. Hello?

'''NED:''' ''{Through phone}'' Remo? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

''{Cut to Ned, setting up A DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his high rise apartment.}''

'''NED:''' You alright, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' Uh... Yeah, I'm...

''{Cut to Leigh sitting in his bed a close-up on his face}''

'''LEIGH:''' No... No I'm stuck in Townindale, I got fired for not showing up on the first day even though I was IN A PLANE HIJACKING! And I'm living in back of a wig maker's shop. Job hunt's not going well.

'''NED:''' Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie. right?

''{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed, which is just an old mattress in a nearly empty room}''

'''LEIGH:''' Yeah, about that. You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues... Well she uh... She finally got sick of it and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

'''NED:''' ''{sighs}'' Look, I'll help you out a bit. Check your bank account, get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

'''LEIGH:''' Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

''{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine}''

'''NED:''' You don't deserve it, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud.

''{Ned presses the start button, the machine yells "DDRMAX!"}''

'''LEIGH:''' Alright... Thanks brother.

''{fade to black. The song "Loser" by Beck begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the Riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, Bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip, presumably his Resume. A guy with a boombox walks by and Loser beings to fade out. Leigh looks at the boombox guy funny, and walks off to a tailor. Cut to him entering the tailor's shop, where he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, wearing a snazzy vest and glasses.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow. It's not often I run into another one in this town! How may I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken. I am a human.

'''TAILOR:''' With pointy ears?

'''LEIGH:''' Yes.

'''TAILOR:''' And dark, bluish-purple skin? And white eyebrows?

'''LEIGH:''' ...I have a condition.

''{The tailor looks perplexed for a couple of seconds before his expression turns into one of disappointment.}''

'''TAILOR:''' Right. Anyway, how can I be of service?

'''LEIGH:''' I'm new to this town and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hirable.

''{The tailor furrows his brow.}''

'''TAILOR:''' I know exactly what to put you in.

''{Cut to Leigh leaving the tailor's in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring. He picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background while Ned sounds out of breath.}''

'''NED:''' You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

'''LEIGH:''' That was like, an hour ago.

'''NED:''' Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with one of the most illustrious companies in the city. You have a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association.

'''LEIGH:''' Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that?

'''NED:''' I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine during a conference. Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

'''LEIGH:''' Wow. I don't know what to say.

'''NED:''' You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes. She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

'''LEIGH:''' Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

'''NED:''' Sure you do. Look at the horizon. You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia? Yeah. That one. Top floor. Now HURRY.

''{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks into the distance to see that the building is a fair distance away. It sticks out in its obviousness, as shown by the dark cloud that looms over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day. Ned looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a kid (same kid from episode 1) wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid and pulls a deck of cards from his front pocket.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

'''KID:''' No way! I already own all the best cards!

''{Leigh shifts through the deck and pulls out a single card that he shows to the kid.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I bet you don't have a holographic Dorothy Zbornak attack card, 1994 limited edition, signed by Bea Arthur herself.

''{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}''

'''KID:''' Hoooo-lyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

''{Cut to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting inbetween cars as he rushes to the evil building. He grumbles to himself.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I gave away my best card for this job. It better be worth it!

''{Leigh turns the corner and run into Lex and Chaos, crashing into Chaos and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground and drops his Resume. Chaos is taken aback by this, and berates Leigh, while Lex proceeds to help him up off the ground.}''

'''LEX:''' Are ya' alright?

'''CHAOS:''' Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

''{Back to his feet, Leigh looks at Chaos and winces.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-...

''{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}''

'''LEIGH:''' No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

''{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second}''

'''LEIGH:''' He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

''{The drow skates off after the papers, leaving Lex and Chaos dumbfounded.}''

'''CHAOS:''' Pfft, what a weirdo.

''{cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Well, Mr. More, I must admit your resume is not impressive...

''{Cut to the meeting room where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh, whose suit has gotten dirtied from more falls. Jacqueline flipping through his resume, which has become moderately crumpled}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week. So, you've never held a job for over a week.

'''LEIGH:''' Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took that one out.

'''JACQUELINE:''' It is preposterous. Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

'''LEIGH:''' Oh no, I did work for Santa Claus. Pretended to be an elf for a good two years. Poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

''{Jacqueline clearly does not believe him, she puts his resume down and appears to have completely checked out, already deciding that Leigh is not getting the job}''

'''LEIGH:''' So, I'm not going to lie to you, Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

'''JACQUELINE:''' Pfft, Lawyers, am I right?

'''LEIGH:''' He's my brother.

'''JACQUELINE:''' Of course he is. Fine, next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

'''LEIGH:''' Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

''{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling and gives a loud sigh. She gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh, whose smile does not drop. Cut to her getting a drink of water when Jules appears from nowhere}''

'''JULES:''' Yo aunty!

''{Jacqueline yelps and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise, and turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

'''JULES:''' Yeah, sorry aunty. Hey that elf who came in to interview, his name ain't Leigh, is it?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Yeah... Do you know him from somewhere?

'''JULES:''' Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

'''JACQUELINE:''' He didn't look like he'd been shot.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, no yeah. But he was gonna. Pushed me out of the way. Lucky he didn't get hit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' And you're telling me this why?

'''JULES:''' You gotta hire him, aunty. I owe him a favor after that shit.

'''JACQUELINE:''' He has no qualifications.

'''JULES:''' Yeah, but I'd be DEAD without him!

''{Jacqueline sighs}''

'''JACQUELINE:'' Fine.

''{Cut back to the meeting room, Leigh's smile unending. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a glass of wine and a few sheets of paper.}''

'''JACQUELINE:''' You've got the job, More.

''{Leigh's smile fades and he starts the stand up}''

'''LEIGH:''' I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

''{Leigh falls to the floor as he is still wearing rollerskates. He lifts his head up}''

'''LEIGH:''' Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' Apparently you saved my idiot nephew's life, so yes. You got the job.

''{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand}''

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this Ms. Rosenberg!

'''JACQUELINE:''' I highly doubt that.

'''LEIGH:'''By the way, just what is my job?

'''JACQUELINE:''' You're a telemarketer. Congratulations, you start tomorrow, 7 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these-

'''LEIGH:''' Thank you so much! You won't regret this!

''{Leigh runs out the door. Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, sits down, and gulps down her wine. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I have a job!

''{He slows as a realization hits him}''

'''LEIGH:''' But I'm out a Dorothy card. Darn...

''{A voice is heard offscreen.}''

'''??:''' Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

''{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}''

'''JULES:''' What is up, my "Drotha?"

'''LEIGH:''' Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you h-... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

'''JULES:''' Oh shit fam, was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin', I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

'''LEIGH:''' No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken, I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a human.

''{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}''

'''JULES:''' Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

'''LEIGH:''' Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-.. wait, is Ms. Rosenberg your aunt?

'''JULES:''' You betcha, fam!

'''LEIGH:''' Oh wow. So I guess I should thank you for getting me the job!

'''JULES:''' Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

''{Cut to the scene on the plane from Episode 1. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

''{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}''

'''LEIGH:''' Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

''{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}''

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

'''LEIGH:''' I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

''{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard as somebody begins to engage Mr. Davies.}''

'''JULES:''' Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

'''JULES:''' You think you and your lil' buddies can just waltz on up and hijack my plane, huh?

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones.}''

''{Cut back. Mr. Davies points the gun at Jules.}''

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

''{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}''

'''LEIGH:''' I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

'''LEIGH:''' Excuse me sir, I just need a little bit of air!

'''MADELYN:''' Leigh, wait! You're going to get yourself killed!

''{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way in doing so. At the same time, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him, revealing that the bullet was a blank.}''

'''BRUCE:''' Oi, that's a blank!

'''ANDREW DAVIES:''' Of course it is! I wasn't going to fire an actual gun on an airplane! I just expected you all to comply!

'''LEIGH:''' GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

''{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces, propelling him forward, where his fist hits Mr. Davies in the face, knocking him out in one hit. He rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead. He is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}''

'''HIJACKER:''' Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

'''LEIGH:''' SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM.

'''HIJACKER:''' Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

''{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second as punching sounds are heard. After the screen is back, the two hijackers are out-cold on the ground. He rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror, before proceeding to throw up in the toilet. After regaining his composure, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}''

'''MADELYN:''' What the hell did you just do?!

'''JULES:''' That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

''{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}''

'''FRANK:''' Waitwaitwhat?!

''{Cut back to the present.}''

'''JULES:''' How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

'''LEIGH:''' I uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

''{Jules laughs}''

'''JULES:''' Shit man, if that was panic you gotta panic more often. Hey uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You my aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

'''LEIGH:''' Telemarketing. Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

'''JULES:''' Fuck, that's boring. I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

'''LEIGH:''' Please don't.

'''JULES:''' Nah, I gotta do it. A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me.

'''LEIGH:''' I'd really rather prove I can hold a job before anything else

'''JULES:''' Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

''{Jules slaps Leighs back, a little harder than he intendid}''

'''JULES:''' Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

'''LEIGH:''' We do?

'''JULES:''' New job, motherfucker. I'm takin' you to the best bar in town!

'''LEIGH:''' You're the reason I have the job in the first place. And beside that I've only got money for rent. And it's like noon.

'''JULES:''' You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat. Well, the time thing matters. I'll come get ya around six. Where you live?

''{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now and calms down a bit}''

'''LEIGH:''' You know that wig shop on third?

'''JULES:''' The one that started using elf hair a few days ago?

''{Leigh drops his face entirely and mutters under his breath}''

'''LEIGH:''' That motherfucker... ''{Normal volume}'' Yeah that's the one. I live in back of that.

'''JULES:''' Cool, see ya at 6.

Wikihood/eps/3

2018-05-03T06:58:50Z

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Wikihood/eps/3

2018-05-03T06:41:30Z

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