RiffText/AruseusEmails/kyubii

"Roy, have you been drinking soy sauce AGAIN?"

NAMINE: This email raises so many more questions than it answers that I must address them in order to correctly understand the Aruseus Emails canon:

NAMINE: 1. Who is Roy?
NAMINE: 2. Why is soy sauce treated as alcohol outside of a paltry joke applying exclusively to The Cheat?

NAMINE: 3. How is this supposed to make sense?

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Alpha Stan, Roy, Roy Jr, Kyubii, The Fox Bros,{easter egg} The Werewolves {easter egg}

NAMINE: There are so many new characters; what happened to the old ones?

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Old-Timey World {easter egg}

Computer: Intell 600

Date: April 20th, 2007 [edit] Transcript

{Cut to the Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: Short mail, long mail, e-mail will never fail! OH!

   Hello Aruseus. You have one email.

NAMINE: Was Alpha Stan not programmed with the ability to use commas?

ARUSEUS: 'Kay!

   subject: that fox thing

   Aruseus, I have noticed Kyubii, that yellow fox.
   What's with the shape of his body?
   Again,
   - Sidekick Bob

ARUSEUS: {typing} Hmm...well, Bob, I have been pondering that too. Hmm...hey! I have an idea. {leaves} Zzzzzzip!

{Cut to the Field, Roy is with Roy Jr, Aruseus walks in}

ROY: So remember, you are to never trust an employer. Got that?

ROY JR: Mmm-hmm.

ARUSEUS: Yo there, juys! What were you two guys talkin' 'bout?

ROY JR: Defenitely not butter.

NAMINE: How could anyone come to the conclusion of you guys discussing butter?

ROY: Just giving my son an important lesson.

ROY JR: Yep.

ARUSEUS: Never noticed you two were family. I guess the shoes could give a guess.

ROY: Family heirlooms.

NAMINE: Family... heirlooms?

ARUSEUS: Ok. Let's cut to the chase. {huddles with the two} Remember what we planned Friday?

NAMINE: "We were supposed to go to TGI Friday's and order their special. And bring dates."
NAMINE: Why couldn't you at least give us a flashback about what Aruseus, Roy, and Roy Jr. all planned on Friday?

{Roy & Roy Jr. nod}

ARUSEUS: Let's bust it out.

ALL THREE: One, two, three, CGNU! {They break from the huddle}

NAMINE: Did they all go to CGNU, or something?

{Aruseus whistles}

ARUSEUS: Kyubii! Get your nine-tailed butt over here.

NAMINE: Why can't foxes just have one or two tails at a time?
NAMINE: Were you contractually obligated to butcher Asiatic mythos on your email show?

{Kyubii runs in}

KYUBII: Uh...why?

ARUSEUS: Uh... {looks at Roy and Roy Jr, smirks} NOW!

{Roy and Roy Jr. dive on Kyubii and tie him by the paws}

KYUBII: Roy, have you been drinking soy sauce AGAIN?

ROY: Sober as a The Cheat in a tire.

{Roy unties Kyubii, but grabs him by the front paws, Roy Jr on the other end, grabbing Kyubii by the feet}

KYUBII: Hey! What the!? Ow, you're outstrecthing

NAMINE: outstretching
NAMINE: Are these typographical errors intentional?

my body! ARGH!

ARUSEUS: Wait for it...wait for it...

ROY: Harder!

{Roy and Roy Jr. pull Kyubii hard enough, causing Kyubii's torso to separate}

ARUSEUS: {jaw drops} WHA?!? So that's why-

KYUBII: YOU THREE ARE GOING TO GET IT!

NAMINE: Get what, exactly?

{several smacks are heard}

ROY JR: OW! Aruseus, help! Kyubii's bottom portion is kicking me in the face!

ROY: At least you have it easy! I'm getting socked by the upper one!

ARUSEUS: Uh...bye! {runs}

ROY & ROY JR: ARUSEUS!!!!

{cut back to Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: {frantically typing} Ok, Bob. Never make me do that again! That was pretty...weird. And Kyubii, if you are reading this, Roy is not drunk!

KYUBII: {offscreen} Aruseus! Once I find a glue gun, or some tape, I'll BOP U GOOD!

ARUSEUS: ARGH! {runs}

{The Paper comes down} [edit] Easter Eggs

   * Click on "Kyubii" to see an extra scene. 

{Cut to The Field, Kyubii is trying to glue himself back together, applying glue to his bottom portion, then sets himself back together}

KYUBII: Here I come, Aruseus...

   * Click on "Roy" to see an extra scene. 

{Cut to Old-Timey Land, The Colorful is standing there, 3 seconds later, two werewolves run by with The Many-tailed}

THE MANY-TAILED: Aah! Help!

NAMINE: Why couldn't you elaborate more on the conflict at hand? Were you just that in a hurry to get your email show done over with?

[edit] Fun Facts

   * Sidekick Bob was the sender in variations.
   * "You are to never trust an employer." is part of one of Perchik's lines in Fiddler on the Roof Jr.

NAMINE: How am I supposed to know the context of the second Fun Fact?
NAMINE: Why does the first Fun Fact even matter?